Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Silence ❯ Chapter 9

Silence

chapter nine

Zell had been standing out on the balcony of the second floor all afternoon. He rubbed the now bandaged backside of his head, wincing only slightly at the minute pain. His body suddenly shuddered remembering how the bruise got there, the look on Seifer's face as he held him down. 'What's going on with you Seifer?' The words of the past week kept coming back to Zell. Seifer's, Irvine's, even his own. 'Does he love me or the power he has over me?'

/"I just want you to know I'm here if you need me..... for anything."

"So I'm crazy now!"

"Well we wouldn't wanna upset the all mighty, so go on it's fine."

"Why are you- you're hurting me."

"No more than you're hurting me."

"You forced me to push you. I didn't want to, honestly,"

"What's wrong with you, since when did it matter if I hung out with someone? I know I promised to meet you here sooner but I forgot. It happens and I'm sorry."

"If you wanna prevent accidents like this morning from happening again,... You'd better not be lying to me."

"I mean after last night you'd think you'd get it, but no."

"What? Get what?"
"What are you stupid or something?!"

"Look, I didn't appreciate the way you and honky tonk back there were getting all friendly last night. Dancing like you were- I don't even wanna think about it."

"Who, Irvine? What, he's my friend. We were just dancing."

"You know, if you want to be with Kinneas go ahead.... I don't deserve you anyway."

"You think I'm paranoid now, don't you? Are you secretly laughing at me behind my back, because I can't stand the thought of you being with anyone but me?"

"What's wrong with being normal huh? Any sane person would be just as suspicious with their lover if they acted like you."

"It was an accident."/

'I just don't get any of this.' Zell battled with his thoughts. He remembered the other times Seifer hurt him, physically and mentally. In the parking garage, after Xu's party. With Selphie in the training center. The last few times they'd made love. All the times Seifer yelled at him and threatened him. Things that used to seem like nothing to Zell are now clearly turning into something. 'Ah geez.' Zell dropped himself down to the ground and leaned his forehead against the metal balcony. 'Somethings wrong with him he needs help... my help.'

~~~~~~~~~~

Squall went down the hall towards Seifer's room with every intention of ending the nonsense floating around. Before that, though, he checked with the instructors and found it true that Zell had missed his morning classes. Not only that but Dr. Kadowaki stopped him in the hall, asking about Zell's condition........

"Why, what happened to him?"

"Oh it was just a little concusion on the back of his head." The doctor answered his question.

"Do you know how it got there?"

"...Said he slipped in the shower." Dr. K paused a moment to think things over then she continued. "But that doesn't explain the recently healed bruises on his forehead or the welt on his wrist." She tapped her chin lightly and shook her head returning her attention back to Squall.

"So he didn't tell you where those came from." The commander asked more than questioned.

"No. I just assumed it was from training or rough housing. You know how that boy can get." Squall nodded. "Well if you do see Zell tell him to come see me if there's any additional pain or headaches." With that the plump doctor walked back into her office.

"I will thanks." Starting to feel concerned now Squall headed to Seifer's room......

'Seifer couldn't really be hurting Zell? He wouldn't.' Finally arriving at his destination, Squall's hand rose to knock on the door but he paused first to listen in. Hearing nothing he knocked loudly on the door. It took a few minutes before Seifer jerked the door open.

"Commander, to what do I owe the priveleage?"

"Where's Zell?" Squall asked bluntly.

Seifer looked back into the room then back out at Squall. "He's not here."

"Then where is he?" The brunette then crossed his arms staring firmly at the other.

"I don't know." Seifer mocked the position but it didn't intimidate Squall.

"Well when was the last time you saw him?"

Seifer huffed in frustration now uncrossing his arms, he leaned against the doorway. "What's with the third damn degree? The last time I saw him was this morning, why? Why do you want him so badly?"

"No reason he just missed classes and I need to know why."

"Since when is that your job?"

"It's not."

"Look we had a long night alright and he decided to skip a few classes big deal. Now it's my turn, where were you last night?" The blonde's anger was obviously flaring up now and he was getting impatient with the whole damned situation. He was ready to explode if Squall gave him an answer he didn't like.

"Does the whole Garden know about last night? I was at Balamb Hotel with Irvine." Squall covered just as his cowboy friend had asked him to. Seifer raised an eyebrow to this. "By accident, nothing happened but a lot of drinking and rambling." Squall held his breath hoping the taller male believed him. He never was a great actor. Seifer just stood there staring in contemplation.

"So are we done here?" He finally spoke up.

"Yeah I guess. Just make sure Zell doesn't miss anymore classes, he can't afford it." Squall turned to leave but Seifer stopped him grabbing his arm a little rougher than he should have.

"If you see Dincht first... tell him I need to see him." After getting a nod from the brunette he let Squall's arm go.

Seifer was more than curious now. Something about that whole conversation wasn't right. Not like the usual gunblader at all. 'If I find out this had something to do with that damned cowboy I'll kill him!' He went back inside his room slamming the door startling a few by passers. "You'd better get back here Dincht. Don't make me come after you." He threatened one of Zell's pictures that was nearby on a dresser.

"Stupid Irvine dragging me into this." Squall was walking out of the boys hall when said person came out of no where and snatched him up.

"Hey! Just who I wanted to see."

"I told you to stop doing that." Squall growled. This whole thing with Zell and the day in itself was making him bitter.

"Alright calm down. So did ya talk to Zell, is he alright?"

"No I didn't but I went to his room and Seifer was there."

"Don't tell me you told him anything or mentioned my name, please tell me you did-"

"Don't worry I didn't." Irvine sighed with relief. "And you're lucky I remembered you're little story about the hotel, because he asked."

"Damn. That means Zell must have told him. Almasy's probably on the war path now." Irvine looked off into the direction of the dormitory in thought. Then he turned the other way and took off.

"Where are you going?" Squall called after him.

"To find Zell."

"Irvine!" Squall dropped his back weight against the wall behind him and shook his head.

~~~~~~~~~~

Zell returned to his and Seifer's room after having wandered the school grounds for awhile. There were just too many thoughts and questions on his mind that needed sorting out. So he decided to skip classes for the day, he wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway.

Through word of mouth, Zell also found out that Irvine was looking for him. So he did his best to avoid the other teen. Zell loved his best friend of course but, seeing him now or being seen with him would only cause more problems. And at the moment keeping his relationship with Seifer was more important. So his friendship would have to be put on hold.

Despite the past week Zell still loved Seifer just the same and he knew Seifer loved him. Things weren't always bad. The two blonde's had a great relationship until recently. Had there been any signs that Seifer was going to get violent, Zell would have ended the relationship then. Things were different now. Too much had been invested in their relationship for him to just throw it away on a few bad times.

'I have to help him. I've gotta let Seifer know I'm here for him and we can get past this together. We just need a little alone time.'

Ma Dincht had always taught Zell when someone's in trouble or pain you help them to your greatest extent. No matter what the outcome, atleast you tried and that'll make you feel better in the end. That's what Zell planned on doing, sticking it out with Seifer until the end. 'Ma's never steered me wrong before.'

Zell opened the door of Seifer's room to a familiar scene, darkness. He had to swallow hard to get his courage back. This was his lover and he shouldn't- he wouldn't be afraid of him. Closing the door he turned the light on revealing Seifer sitting in a corner of the room. He looked over at Zell then back at the burnt out cigarette in his hand. He dropped the now ashy stick into the tray beside him on the floor. Zell walked closer to Seifer but not too close and saw a reddish black mark in the palm of his hand where the cigarette had left its burn. Seeing this made Zell feel suddenly nauseas and worried.

At first the two just stared at each other silently. As much as Zell wanted to help Seifer he had no idea where or how to start. So he figured he'd just say 'hi' and let it go from there but as he opened his mouth Seifer cut him off. "Where were you?" He asked barely audible.

"I was out on the balcony.. o..of the second floor." Zell's voice came out dry and broken so he cleared his throat uncomfortably. The stare between the two was so intense it almost scared him a little, but he couldn't look away from his lovers piercing eyes.

"For half the day?" This time Zell could only nod to the question. "You couldn't have told me first or left a note."

'Well I-"

"I was worried you know."

"I'm sorry. I just thought you needed to be alone."

"You thought I needed t-" A small frightening laugh came from the tall blonde's mouth making Zell swallow hard. "Who told you to think anything about me?" He stood slowly. "What I need is for you to stop sneaking around and lying to me and abandoning me." He approached Zell. "What I need, is for you to understand me, how I'm feeling." Seifer placed his hands on Zell's jaw lifting his chin up. It took all the little blonde's will power to keep his cool and not pull away. Seifer leaned down closer and sniffed Zell's exposed neck, he did so for a good minute before straightening back up. He released his grip on the martial artist and walked back to his corner.

While Seifer's back was turned Zell let out a long held in breath and willed himself to speak up. "I do understand you Seifer and I have been honest and I'm not abandoning you...... I love you." He waited for some kind of response but got none. "It's all true and that's why I'm here to help you... help us." The last words came out slowly as Zell watched his lover lean down to pick up his discarded lighter from the floor. Then the gunblader returned to his standing position in front of Zell.

Seifer flicked the flame to life and stared at it. Both pairs of eyes watched the bright orange dance in front of them. Zell mentally pleaded with Hyne to not let Seifer do anything crazy with the lighter to himself and most of all Zell's self! His prayers were soon answered when the lid snapped shut. "So tell me Zell, what do you... understand, because last I recall you thought I was crazy? Was that the word?"

"I was upset then and a little scared, alright. I didn't know what I was saying. It's not like I meant it." Again the tattooed boy waited for a response but got nothing. "I'm sorry." He whispered out. Seifer remained silent. "I understand that you might be a little insecure and maybe jealous because of," He hesitated before going on. "because of Irvine and the way I am with other people but that's over now. I told him to back off."

Seifer crossed his arms now, awaiting the next rambled explanation from his supposed lover. "I'm gonna start focusing on us more from now on, and we can make this work. You know, get you some help see a-"

"Help for what?" Seifer finally spoke sounding more than aggravated

.

"...Well you know. I don't know your anger and stuff." 'This might be my only chance to speak up but I'd better choose my words carefully. Don't wanna make him angrier or loose his attention.' He coached himself and went on before Seifer could interrupt again. "We'll get couples therapy together and maybe find out what changed in you." Zell held his breath hoping for a positive response this time.

When Seifer spoke, once again, it was barely audible to Zell's ears. "You'd do that for me?" But the younger teen heard them anyway.

"Of course I would. I don't wanna leave you, we've come too far for that."

Seifer appeared to be off in thought for a moment before speaking again, this time loud enough to be heard clearly. "No one can know about this." His words sounded sad almost, as if he were afraid of what would happen if anyone knew anything.

"Of course not." Zell tried to assure him.

"No, no one can know. You can't tell anyone about this ever. Not what I've done, not about therapy. Anything" He shook Zell's shoulders as he spoke then released him.

"I won't say a word I promise..." Seifer seemed to calm down with Zell's words. "But you have to promise me you'll get help, please."

Seifer calming down now nodded in agreement. "Yeah sure." He confirmed. This made Zell smiled for the first time in awhile surprised that Seifer agreed. Then he closed the gap between them by hugging his lover.

"Thank you." He mumbled into Seifer's chest and what surprised Zell even more was Seifer hugging him back. Not forcefully or uncomfortable just a simple hug like they used to do. 'I knew this would turn out alright.' Zell sighed in relief still smiling to himself, staying in the embrace for as long as he could.