Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Someday to Long For ❯ Someday to Long For ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from the characters in this fanfiction. Square-Enix owns Final Fantasy VII. I am only borrowing. I'll put them back when I am done, a little worse for wear but nevertheless whole.

 

This and the other three one-shots that are in this arc (Mirrors of Guilt Arc) are all inspired by Papa Roach's "Scars". The lyrics are used as ending lines in each one-shot.

I'm glad for all the encouragement I have received for this pairing. I usually only write Cid/Vincent.

Warning: There are SPOILERS for ADVENT CHILDREN if you have not seen it yet. DO NOT read if you do not wish to be spoiled.

Okay, for those of you still here, I had a fansubbed version. So some of my translations might be a bit different.

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Vincent should have realized after rescuing Tseng and Elena that more trouble was going to come his way, especially considering the three Sephiroth clones he had been observing for quite some time. Through the battered and bruised mouths of the Turks, he had learned of Jenova's neck. From that conversation and more, he had also discovered the reason for the Geostigma.

The disease was a result of the body's overcompensation, stemming from the internal conflict within. It was a fight between one's own spirit energy and the JENOVA cells that had been spread within the Lifestream and contracted by Gaia's inhabitants. There was no cure as of yet, and most who contracted the disease died from it. And the destruction of Meteor and the Lifestream's aid in that event had inadvertently spread the JENOVA cells across the planet. It was an unfortunate circumstance, resulting from an effort to save the world.

Vincent had also realized what the three children: Loz, Yazoo, and Kadaj were as well. They were remnants of Jenova and Hojo's experiments, more specifically, the last remains of their prior enemy: Sephiroth, who was orchestrating one last attempt at his own resurrection. Kadaj, their leader, was the one who seemed most like the former General. He was the most intelligent and tactically-minded, which meant he was in charge despite the fact that he was the youngest.

The children, for they were so much younger than him he could not see the three as anything but, never noticed his presence. Or if they had, they didn't seem to care. As such, it had been simple to rescue Tseng and Elena from them… almost too easy. Vincent would not have been surprised if the three brothers had simply grown tired of the Turks and decided they were no longer worth the effort.

As he nursed the injured Turks back to health, he recalled the last time he had seen Cloud. It was on the day that Tseng had called to tell the blond of a disturbance in the ancient forest, but it had been Vincent who had gone after telling Cloud that it was time they separated, to learn their own paths. The ex-SOLDIER had been angry, perhaps hurt even, but they had parted as Vincent suggested.

The gunman had not seen or heard from Cloud since, not that he had expected to. He had spent much of his time in thought while he remained in the forest, keeping a careful eye on the three brothers and protecting the grave of the woman they had all cared about. He wasn't sure if he had found his peace yet… or if he had even found his own path. Vincent did not know if he could yet return to Cloud, if he had understood and cast aside his past enough to live.

He missed the ex-SOLDIER, missed what they had from time to time. Cloud always had ways of making him forget his pain, forget his crimson dreams, give him something to treasure rather than revile. They were alike in many ways, he and the blond, and Vincent supposed that kind of kinship made him feel less alone. Of everyone in the now disbanded AVALANCHE, Cloud was the only one who could possibly understand his torment.

The intimacy they shared, the easy companionship, and never having to worry about being judged, that was what he enjoyed about being with Cloud. The ex-SOLDIER never pried or pushed, merely giving him room to speak should he so desire. Neither did he try to push an answer on him… or even tell him how he should think. He would usually snort and tell him how he would have done it or speak the truth of how his actions might have been the same. Vincent took a small measure of comfort from that. He was not the only fool on Gaia it seemed.

The past four months of solitude, if anything, had given him time to ponder on Lucrecia and Hojo without distraction. He was free to brood himself until his ears nearly bled with the conjecturing. He continued to hate Hojo with every fiber of his being, loathing the vile scientist with his last breath. And he was slowly beginning to shift much of his guilt into blame, turning the sorrow into a righteous anger about what had been done to him.

Yet, he couldn't shake his turmoil concerning Lucrecia. He was still hopelessly in love with her, especially since he knew she still lived in some shape and form. But whether that nearly glowing thing in the waterfall cave was merely an apparition or her true body, he could not be sure. For her, he loathed Hojo even further. The bastard had caused harm to the woman who had stolen his heart, taking her attentions to begin with and then forcing her to suffer… Thankfully, the damned scientist had gotten his just due.

Vincent had a ways yet to go in his search for his own path, finding forgiveness for his mistakes just one of many hurdles that he had to traverse. His mind had never strayed far from Cloud, wondering how the blond was doing. He wondered if he even bothered to answer his PHS anymore, or if he was continuing to draw further away from those who cared about him. Tifa was probably beginning to get frantic with worry. Vincent was certain of that, if he knew Cloud at all.

He had never expected to encounter Cloud again so soon, however. Barely four months had passed. Although he had been watching the brothers for signs of increases in their activities, he did not think that the time had yet come for the ex-SOLDIER to get involved.

He had been wrong.

The arrival of the children had been his first indication to be more wary. There were scores and scores of young ones, and they were all afflicted in some way with the Geostigma with gaunt bodies and worn looks to their eyes; some were filled with hopelessness that made his tattered heart hurt. To be so young and yet so /devoid/… it pained him. No child should have that look, not the same one that he wore on his own face every day.

To his surprise, Denzel, a young orphan that Tifa had begun to care for, was among the children gathered. And even more shocking was seeing Marlene, clinging to the side of the eldest and most ignorant brother, Loz. She seemed afraid but also tenaciously determined. She was worried for her friend, that much Vincent could see, in the glances she kept throwing Denzel's way. The two had become close as both lived with Tifa… and Cloud when he occasionally stayed with the busty brunette.

But there was nothing that Vincent could do for all the children. The brothers did not appear to be intending them harm, only invoking them to join the "Reunion". Kadaj convinced them by promising to take the pain away. He told them of his plan to strike back at the Planet for causing the Geostigma. Vincent watched silently, albeit with fascination, while Kadaj polluted the water and ordered the children to drink. One by one they filed into the darkened liquid, drinking the tainted water, even Denzel participated.

It should not have surprised him that Cloud arrived not long after on the back of Fenrir with all his swords, determined to save the kidnapped children. He was a hero at heart, despite his shortcomings. And Vincent knew that the blond would stop at nothing to save them.

But the ex-SOLDIER had grossly misjudged his strength, both physically and mentally. He was not prepared to fight against the three brothers, his own determination and self-assurance teetering on an edge. At the last minute, Vincent had been forced to step in, saving the fallen blond. He had not been able to help any of the children, however.

The ex-SOLDIER was unconscious when Vincent carried him away, seeming much lighter in the gunman's grasp. He frowned at the sight of Cloud, wondering if the blond had even been eating. He seemed worse, face perpetually pulled into that brooding stare and deep, purple lines of fatigue beneath his eyes. The last four months had not been kind at all to him.

Yet, seeing Cloud was bittersweet, invoking all the feelings in Vincent that he had been struggling to push aside until he sorted out his guilt and sorrows.

He ended up taking Cloud to one of his favorite spots, a quiet and enclosed pond that was a safe distance away from the brothers. He tended to the blond's wounds as best as he could with his limited resources. It was then that Vincent found it. The Geostigma sore on Cloud's left arm. It must have been a recent infection because the blond had not had it before they parted four months prior. Either that… or he had been hiding it well, even from the perceptive ex-Turk.

He wrapped the oozing wound as best as he was able, but the pain from doing so caused Cloud to awaken, opening those mako blue eyes that had haunted the gunman's sleep. He gazed at Vincent with complete recognition, though a bit of surprise. His brow furrowed as his lips moved, but it seemed he couldn't get the right question out as he ended up stuttering and forming incoherent phrases.

"Vincent! How… the children? And Aeris… but why? Huh?"

Ever articulate, even for Cloud.

Vincent finished tying the scrap of cloth around the Geostigma infection and aided him in sitting up. "They had nearly defeated you," he replied simply. "I cannot say what would have happened had I not been here."

The blond flushed slightly. Though whether from anger or embarrassment, Vincent could not be sure. He eyed the ex-Turk, a man he had not seen in months, instantly reminded of how much he had missed seeing those strange crimson eyes. He craved the feeling of the gunman's pale skin. His fingers twitched, but he restrained himself. Considering how they had last parted, it was probably best that he do so.

"I would have lived," he muttered, angry with himself for again failing. "They want me alive for some reason." He looked up into those familiar eyes. Vincent was regarding him thoughtfully, but not saying anything. Just as always.

"Well," he inputted. "Did you find it?"

The gunman blinked slowly, just once. "Did you?"

Cloud sighed and lowered his gaze. It was never easy with Vincent. He could not have a simple conversation that was straight to the point. It was always skirting about the issue, leading in with poetic and puzzling phrases until they round about came to the topic, approaching it with caution.

"I missed you," he admitted quietly, both changing the subject and speaking what was in his heart. He had been upset by the events of four months prior, though a small part of him had been glad as well. That was the part where Aeris and Zack spoke to him, still trying to convince him that he should release his guilt.

With Vincent, he found a measure of peace, of contentment. He certainly had feelings for the gunman, strong ones that implied long moments spent together and caused his heart to beat strongly at just the sight of the dark-haired man. Still, he also knew how very dangerous those emotions could be, both for him and the gunman. He was very aware of what had happened between Vincent and Lucrecia and was reluctant to even consider if the gunman cared for him in return.

Yet, he had missed him. Without the ex-Turk around, he had found no reason to try and pretend anymore. He completely withdrew, stopped answering Tifa's calls, and rarely returned to either of his homes. The majority of his time was spent on the road or in Aeris' church where his guilt always consumed him. He also felt the necessity to hide his condition from Tifa. He didn't need to worry her without reason, nor did he think there was anything she could do. It was useless to inform her.

"It was an unfortunate but necessary choice," Vincent responded, face still entirely unreadable. When the gunman caught the expression on Cloud's face, he amended his earlier words. "I missed you as well."

A flash crossed Cloud's face, one that Vincent did not recognize as the blond gazed up at him, mako eyes shining in the dim light of the crystal forest. He chewed his bottom lip in thought for a moment, seemingly indecisive before his hand crept out almost cautiously. The gunman waited patiently to see what the blond was going to do, half guessing already. His eyes searched Vincent's face for something, though the ex-Turk was not sure what, before he seemed to determine something within his mind.

The one gloved hand continued its trek through the air, grabbing onto the cloak that obscured the bottom half of Vincent's face and pulling the dark-haired man towards Cloud. The ex-Turk leaned forward into the movement, wanting the contact just as much, even if he could not allow anything further.

Their faces hovered close together, nearly sharing the same breath before Cloud gave a gentle tug to the cloak, forcing it down further and melding their lips together in a gentle kiss. Their mouths met, Cloud sliding his tongue along the seam of the gunman's lips and delving into the hot cavern. His hand unconsciously released Vincent's cloak, reaching behind his head to tangle in dark strands. His veins thrummed with fire, sending signals to his body from just the simple touch, and he lost himself in the familiar exotic scent that was Vincent Valentine.

The gunman completely relaxed into the kiss, lifting his flesh hand to rest on Cloud's thigh, and the glove, clicking quietly on the bottom half of the leg. They were in an awkward position as Cloud was sitting on the ground, legs out in front of him, and Vincent was kneeling. Still, they made do.

And despite their desires for each other, despite the sudden need to hold each other close, the kiss did not go any further than the sharing of two needy souls. They parted with a slight reluctance, Vincent the first to break away lest he be tempted to continue further. His body, it seemed, had missed Cloud even more than he had thought. Despite his desire for solitude, it had gotten lonely in the forest. In a sense, their kiss was over before it had begun.

Crimson eyes locked with blue as Cloud's fingers massaged a gentle pattern into Vincent's hair, unwilling to break contact. "We can't," Vincent expressed softly, though he didn't make the effort to pull away further. It ached still… that pain he had first felt when he had told Cloud that they needed to separate. And kissing the ex-SOLDIER had been like reopening an old wound, making it feel as fresh as the day it had been created.

Eyelids lowered, and Cloud looked away, slowly removing his hand from the dark strands. "Yes." He sighed. "I know." Vincent pulled back, giving the blond some space.

"It won't work," the gunman expressed again, no longer looking at the ex-SOLDIER but instead gazing into the firefly lit pond and the crystal trees. "I don't want to give you only part." He couldn't help but wonder why the trees there grew in such a way, a frozen clear color that was like solid ice. Did they live… or were they petrified remains of what once was?

Cloud nodded, idly rubbing a hand over his arm. Four months… and it seemed they were no better off than they were before. "I understand," he admitted. "I think that even then, despite my anger, I understood."

The ex-Turk inclined his head in acceptance of the words as he slowly rose to his feet, feeling that distance would probably make it a little easier. He considered the lingering remnants of the kiss that thrummed through his body, not knowing if he could resist all temptation. He took up a perch on one of the nearby trees, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared down at the ground and leaned against the nearly slick bark.

Cloud was silent for a moment, leaving Vincent to his thoughts. He wondered if there was even hope for them in the future, if he and Cloud would ever be able to be together, or if their guilt and sorrows would rule the rest of their lives. If Cloud would even live that long.

Did the blond know of truth behind the Geostigma? Vincent hadn't even questioned him about it. It was almost as if the ex-SOLDIER was pretending it was not a problem. Obviously, Cloud was trying to hide it. Why else would he wear the sleeve long on that side and only that side? The sleeve itself was something new as well. Vincent could only presume that Tifa did not know.

Due to his internal ponderings, he almost didn't hear Cloud's muttered self-reproach. "I really can't save anyone," the blond had mumbled, voice filled with hatred for his own weakness. It angered Vincent that even after all this time, Cloud still couldn't see his own strength, and hiding the disease behind the sleeve was not helping him at all.

The blond went silent for another moment before suddenly looking up, as if a thought had just struck him. "Vincent?" he questioned sharply. "What's going on?" It was a demand. Cloud had slipped into leader mode, yet another way of distancing himself from confronting his own emotions.

(A/N: From here on their conversation will be verbatim with the subbed version of Advent Children that I have, although I will be including Vincent's thoughts as well.)

Vincent frowned as he considered the ex-SOLDIER's question, determined somehow to make Cloud see beyond his apathy. The gunman had been healing, he had been learning. It was time that the blond quit dragging and did so as well.

"I come here often," he said quietly. "So I have been keeping an eye on Kadaj and the others." He paused momentarily before moving from the tree, stalking towards Cloud and grabbing his arm, pressing his fingers into the wound and forcing the ex-SOLDIER to look him directly in the eye. There was no ignoring his words this time.

"The Geostigma is caused by an excessive functioning of the system that eliminates foreign substances within a body," he explained, detailing that which he had learned over the course of the past few months. Cloud winced with the pain, and Vincent released his arm, standing up to pace back towards the tree. "There's also a stream like the Lifestream within the body, and basically, that thing fights the evil substances that penetrate through the body," he finished, turning to see Cloud's reaction.

It was much of this discovery that had him thinking of his own self and what Hojo had done to it. He couldn't help but wonder if the demons within were at all affected by his own personal Lifestream.

Cloud frowned, his brow furrowing, obviously confused. "Evil substances…" he repeated, it more a question than anything else.

"Sephiroth's components… Jenova's genetic thoughts… Call it whatever you want." Even he wasn't sure exactly what it was that the planet considered evil. At one point, he was certain Gaia had thought to wipe out all life, including humans. He believed Aeris' prayers had changed the planet's mind, however, and thereby saving the lives of all of Gaia's inhabitants.

Cloud's tone dropped. "You know a lot," he commented, as if remembering how and when Vincent had first made his trip to the Northern continent. The ex-Turk certainly had been busy, while he had been continuously wallowing in his own guilt.

He nodded, though the gesture was more to himself than to Cloud. He didn't look at the ex-SOLDIER as he explained, still somewhat appalled by the state that he had found them in. "Tseng and Elena," Vincent went on simply, "they were brought here, nearly dead, by the brothers. It seemed they had gone through torture. I rescued them, but…" he trailed off to enunciate his point before sighing grimly. "Hmm… who knows?"

"Torture?"

For some reason, torture seemed too simple a word for what had been done to the Turks. Brutalized, beaten, and bloodied, hanging by the last vestiges of strength to their lives. Half-starved and nearly out of their minds… Vincent had been surprised that they survived. Lesser men would have died. Then again, he of all people knew the tenacity of Turks. They were like cockroaches, nearly impossible to kill. Take him for instance: shot and experimented on, shoved into a coffin for the better part of thirty years, and yet, he still roamed the planet.

"It's the result of their action. It seems they have obtained Jenova's neck."

Cloud frowned at the reminder of the woman that was the cause of much of his pain. Her voice in his head… her DNA in his body. He shuddered at the thought.

"Is that the "mother" that Kadaj is looking for?" He had also been called 'brother' by those Sephiroth look-alikes, but he was nothing like them.

"An unpleasant thing sent by Heaven. Jenova," Vincent commented, quoting the words that Professor Gast had used when Hojo and he had first decided to experiment on the half-frozen creature they had found. He shook his head, more to clear his thoughts of the past than for another reason.

"If one wanted to, it's possible to eventually recreate Sephiroth." With Hojo's madness and research, Vincent was half afraid that damn near anything was possible. That included the long dead former General returning back to from the grave for the second time. Still, he smirked inwardly. Sephiroth would have made a great Turk.

"Kadaj… who is he?"

"Hmm, I don't even want to think about it."

There were many possibilities into the origin of the brothers. They could be true brothers of Sephiroth, more Hojo spawn… or apparitions of Jenova's genetic thought and the power of the Lifestream. Possibly the three were leftover, mentally unstable clones from the battle two years previous. Or, Kami forbid, they were lost bastard children of Sephiroth. Yet, if that were so, then they would not have referred to Cloud as brother. Or would they? The possibilities were endless, and Vincent preferred that he didn't know. Hojo's madness seemed to stretch beyond the mortal limits of one human male.

A sudden rustle in the bushes to their left had Vincent reaching for the Cerberus in the same moment that Cloud rose to his feet, instantly raising his sword. They waited in tense silence, eyes locked on the shifting greenery, prepared to attack at a moment's notice. That was until a dark-haired child came running out, crying, and attaching herself to Cloud with a fierce hug.

Vincent visibly relaxed, realizing that it was just Marlene. He watched as Cloud and the girl interacted; she obviously was concerned for both Tifa and Denzel. The gunman did not know what had happened to the brunette for Marlene to be so worried, but he was certain that Denzel was still with the brothers. He wondered how the girl had managed to escape and find them in the myriad pathways of the forest. If a child could locate their position, it stood to say that the brothers could as well. Why had they not attacked?

For a moment, Marlene looked to him, seeking a phone. He had only been halfway listening to their conversation, intent on discovering the mystery behind the actions of the clones. He merely held out his cloak as he did not have one. After all, Cloud carried a PHS but did not answer it. What purpose would it serve for Vincent to have one? It would never ring.

And then Cloud was speaking to him, again reverting to his leader mode. "Vincent, will you take Marlene back to the bar?" He made the request, but seemed uncertain of his reason for doing so. "I'm going to go listen to what ShinRa has to say."

The ex-Turk was certain that Cloud was just attempting to run away again. He was seeking the easiest way to hide from his guilt rather than confront the emotions. Vincent was no longer going to help him either.

"I'm unable to comply with that," he replied simply, shaking his head and offering no further explanation. Cloud needed to see that he was needed… even if by the child, a proverbial innocent, more than anyone else.

"But!" The blond was prepared to argue, to assert his leadership. Yet, the child got to him first.

Marlene's face twisted up into a mixture of disbelief and anger. "I don't care about you anymore, Cloud!" she said, clearly disappointed. "Why don't you ever listen to what we have to say?" she demanded, obviously talking about herself and Tifa. With that said, she turned and ran, surprising Vincent when she came to him, tucking herself along his right side and underneath the folds of his cloak.

Cloud was clearly upset by the child's remark, and Vincent could see the cogs turning in his head, the words failure and disgrace continually running across his brain. "Marlene…" he cajoled simply. ”Please wait a bit longer," he requested. “A battle should be starting soon. But I can't simply fight this out. You understand, right?"

Approval. Cloud was seeking approval from Marlene. Perhaps he was beginning to see… to realize that it was futile to fight against his redemption, his forgiveness. From the mouths of babes, the truth falls. Though, rarely is it pretty.

"I don't understand!" she called sharply.

Vincent frowned. "Cloud. What is this talk about fighting?"

Mako eyes lowered to the ground as the ex-SOLDIER disappeared into his thoughts, considering Vincent's question. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Then, it was as if the words suddenly came to him, pulled from nowhere.

"Can sins," he began slowly, opening his eyes as he carefully raised his head, "be forgiven?" He still refused to lock gazes with Vincent.

The ex-Turk very nearly scoffed at the question, knowing that it was the one that plagued his own renewal. That very same pondering was what drove him away from his own path, what made him time and time again question his actions. He had wronged Lucrecia. He had made mistakes. He had sinned, and look what it brought him. Would Lucrecia… could she ever forgive him for his weakness, for his inability to protect her? For that was his sin… failing the woman he had loved. In the end, would he fail Cloud, too? Would he need to seek that forgiveness as well? Was it even possible?

In a way, Cloud was asking the question for both of them. If either could find the answer, then perhaps there was still a chance for them to be together, for them to make their own paths. Yet, Vincent did not have the answer.

"I have not yet tried," the gunman replied simply. He didn't know if sins could be forgiven because he had yet to ask. He was afraid of the answer, whether positive or negative. He didn't want to think that any part of his life was for naught. That was his biggest hurtle. Just like Cloud, he needed to seek the forgiveness before he could move on.

Cloud appeared thoughtful, as if the words were what he had been searching for. "Try?” he mused quietly, aloud. "To try…"

Then, it was as if a bolt of lightning had struck him. A bolt in the form of realization… of what he needed to do. His head snapped up, and he blinked, as if coming out of a long dream. With certainty, he faced both Marlene and Vincent, nodding as if satisfied with himself.

"Marlene! We're going home," he declared.

The child parted Vincent's cloak, looking up at the blond man and smiling, nodding at his statement. She appeared pleased with herself, as if she had some hand in Cloud's decision. And perhaps she did. Maybe her anger and disappointment were enough for the ex-SOLDIER to consider everything he had been avoiding. Vincent could not be sure. As she moved to his side, Cloud looked back at the other man, something nameless passing between them when crimson and blue met.

"I'll try it out."

It could have been a promise. Or perhaps just an agreement. It may have even been a goodbye.

He turned his back. “I'll call you later about the results," he added, making some sort of gesture towards his forehead as he grabbed Marlene's hand, and with that, the two left.

Unlike their last parting, Vincent watched him go not without pain. Still, it didn't hurt quite so badly. Rather than a raw rending of his spirit, it was an easing of something tightened and coiled, a gentle untying of a tangled web. If he dared to think of it, he almost could say that Cloud was making him a promise.

To try, he had said. To try his hand at forgiveness… to see if he could undo the darkness that lay heavy on his soul and find a way to live for himself, outside clinging to remorse and isolation. Before he could accept that from others, Cloud would have to locate it within himself.

Regardless, Vincent knew that he could no longer remain in the forest. Cloud would need his help… as would all the others. He turned from the direction that the two had departed and went in search of the campsite that had been his home for the last few months. He would need his belongings before he found his way to Edge, where he was certain the battle was to be fought.

If a fight was approaching, then perhaps it was time for AVALANCHE to reunite, to save the world again. And when the battle was through and all threats abated, maybe then their fate would be determined.

Vincent still had his own things to work out, his own darkness to overcome. His repentance for Lucrecia's fate the necessity for it had yet to be determined. Forgiveness, he was not certain that it was allowed for a man that had failed the one person he cared for, a person such as him. Still, for the moment, all that mattered was Cloud.

Would he be able to overcome his own shortcomings, or would Cloud fall prey to his own shadows? Only the upcoming events could tell.

Vincent couldn't help Cloud fix himself, but at least, he could claim he tried.

* * *

One more in the series to go! Please leave a review and let me know if you're interested. Or what you think is going to happen. I'm open to both.

Thanks!!