Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Guide to Surviving the Planet ❯ Cloud's Author Note ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Sesshy is sexii 
Prologue
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.19.2006 | Updated On: 06.19.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 771 | Visits: 434 | Status: Completed
Prologue
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.19.2006 | Updated On: 06.19.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 771 | Visits: 434 | Status: Completed
REAL AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do not own Final Fantasy VII in anyway.
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Author’s Note:
Hello. I am Cloud Strife, the writer and narrative of the book: “The Guide to Surviving on the Planet”. Throughout this book I will teach and show you the numerous ways of getting on through life in this crazy world of ours WITHOUT attempting suicide, homicide, or genocide. If this does not appeal to you and you actually would like to do the above, I have an suggestion for you. You should pick up an acquaintance of mines book, entitled : “I was there. Why wouldn’t I stab him?” By Sephiroth. It appears he heard I was writing a book just to spite him. Now why would I do a thing like that?
Moving on, over the course of this book we will be discussing things such as the basics, survival tips, common knowledge, FAQ, tips, combat, life as it is handed to us;this one is actually quite different, and many other lessons that would only help you. Not hurt you. Unless your mentor happens to be reading this over your shoulder than you should make sure he never stumbles over the section where we learn about materia. Especially fire materia. I remember back when I was a cadet... Heartless bastard told me the level 3 spell was only the level 1 spell...
Ahem, moving on to the set-up of this book. To make this easier for beginners, we have laid it out so you can be guided from the very start. From finding your inner potential, your place in a group, how to not faint in front of your first battle and knowing when to run like hell as soon as you see a Tonberry. Yes, I guarantee, you will stay alive in order to finish this whole book. Although I can’t assure you about after...
As this is the author’s note I feel I should point a few liabilities. Such as, many of these lessons should not be attempted if you are weak of heart, one of the elderly, pregnant, have a heart condition, underage for...let’s say alcohol, have any permanently broken body parts, are a well liked member of the community for I doubt you actually want to leave home, on more than 4 medications, go to a therapist more than 12 times in a week, are allergic to nature, are in jail, happen to be one of the undead brought back to life but happened to already killed your master and now don’t know what you should do, have any sociopath issues,we all saw happens then, or frankly, just don’t care.
I the writer, publishers of AVALANCHE, editors of SOLDIER are not to be held responsible if you happen to become mortally wounded, strangled to death, suffer an internal binding within yourself, end up in jail if you are not already in jail and were caught trying to escape AGAIN but were caught and now put on death row, become chronically ill mentally or physically, a very hated member of community, swear you saw hell and back, and etc. by using or attempting to do what the book indicates.
We however will be held responsible if you happen to turn to a page and see two large red glowing eyes at you. They are apparently messengers of Satan who are trying to suck every soul they can before he gets back from vacation in Honolulu. If this does in fact happen to you, ignore the voices in your head, break eye contact immediately, slam the book shut, toss it out your window into the nearest bush and run quickly to the nearest monk. He will then point you in the direction of the nearest priest, which will be at the nearest temple. If the said priest is not their, talk to he head of the temple, and he will point you towards the nearest church. If the said priest is not there he must be on vacation in Iceland. I hear it is quite nice there in January... So I’ve heard.
Caution, if the monk you happen to talk to in the beginning is eating fried Chocobo you might want to keep running. Of course if the Inn you were staying at happened to HAVE a priest, well, all of this could have been avoided couldn’t it? And with that little statement in mind I end this author’s note. Best wishes and good luck.
-Cloud Strife
------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------
Author’s Note:
Hello. I am Cloud Strife, the writer and narrative of the book: “The Guide to Surviving on the Planet”. Throughout this book I will teach and show you the numerous ways of getting on through life in this crazy world of ours WITHOUT attempting suicide, homicide, or genocide. If this does not appeal to you and you actually would like to do the above, I have an suggestion for you. You should pick up an acquaintance of mines book, entitled : “I was there. Why wouldn’t I stab him?” By Sephiroth. It appears he heard I was writing a book just to spite him. Now why would I do a thing like that?
Moving on, over the course of this book we will be discussing things such as the basics, survival tips, common knowledge, FAQ, tips, combat, life as it is handed to us;this one is actually quite different, and many other lessons that would only help you. Not hurt you. Unless your mentor happens to be reading this over your shoulder than you should make sure he never stumbles over the section where we learn about materia. Especially fire materia. I remember back when I was a cadet... Heartless bastard told me the level 3 spell was only the level 1 spell...
Ahem, moving on to the set-up of this book. To make this easier for beginners, we have laid it out so you can be guided from the very start. From finding your inner potential, your place in a group, how to not faint in front of your first battle and knowing when to run like hell as soon as you see a Tonberry. Yes, I guarantee, you will stay alive in order to finish this whole book. Although I can’t assure you about after...
As this is the author’s note I feel I should point a few liabilities. Such as, many of these lessons should not be attempted if you are weak of heart, one of the elderly, pregnant, have a heart condition, underage for...let’s say alcohol, have any permanently broken body parts, are a well liked member of the community for I doubt you actually want to leave home, on more than 4 medications, go to a therapist more than 12 times in a week, are allergic to nature, are in jail, happen to be one of the undead brought back to life but happened to already killed your master and now don’t know what you should do, have any sociopath issues,we all saw happens then, or frankly, just don’t care.
I the writer, publishers of AVALANCHE, editors of SOLDIER are not to be held responsible if you happen to become mortally wounded, strangled to death, suffer an internal binding within yourself, end up in jail if you are not already in jail and were caught trying to escape AGAIN but were caught and now put on death row, become chronically ill mentally or physically, a very hated member of community, swear you saw hell and back, and etc. by using or attempting to do what the book indicates.
We however will be held responsible if you happen to turn to a page and see two large red glowing eyes at you. They are apparently messengers of Satan who are trying to suck every soul they can before he gets back from vacation in Honolulu. If this does in fact happen to you, ignore the voices in your head, break eye contact immediately, slam the book shut, toss it out your window into the nearest bush and run quickly to the nearest monk. He will then point you in the direction of the nearest priest, which will be at the nearest temple. If the said priest is not their, talk to he head of the temple, and he will point you towards the nearest church. If the said priest is not there he must be on vacation in Iceland. I hear it is quite nice there in January... So I’ve heard.
Caution, if the monk you happen to talk to in the beginning is eating fried Chocobo you might want to keep running. Of course if the Inn you were staying at happened to HAVE a priest, well, all of this could have been avoided couldn’t it? And with that little statement in mind I end this author’s note. Best wishes and good luck.
-Cloud Strife