Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Lion's Tears ❯ The Lion's Tears ( One-Shot )

Chapter 1: The Lion's Shed Tears

Early morning rays swept across his face, making the boys mouth twitch with the ghost of a smile. The new comer watched the brunette for a little while longer, savoring the moment like a mental camera. The soles of his sneakers made no noise as he walked toward the quiet boy.

"What'cha doing?" The blonde asked as he sat beside the solemn boy.

"Thinking." The silent boy replied in his usual one word answer.

"About what?"

"Nothing." The boy replied quickly.

"Come on Squall, you gotta talk some time, right?" He asked his brooding friend.

"Whatever." Squall quietly replied.

"Come on, don't do this to me. You seem sadder then usual, talk to me maybe it'll help.." The blonde trailed of as he glanced at his friends face with wide eyes, seeing a single tear streak down Squall's face.

"Why ya crying Squall? Did I say something wrong?" He asked, he watched in amazement as his friend shed more silent tears. This after all, was only the second time he had seen his friend cry. The first being in Time Compression, and even then he didn't shed as many tears as he was now.

"No, you didn't say anything wrong. I did.. I always do."

"I don't understand Squall, you have to talk more then that if you want me to help you." The usually hyper-active boy sat silently looking at his friend cry, not knowing what to do. Afraid that if he touched him the dam would brake and Squall would be out of control.

"Zell.... it's to hard to explain, I'm so fucked up it doesn't matter anymore if someone understands or not."

"No, don't say that. I do care, Quistis, Selphie, Rinoa, heck even Irvine cares. We've cared forever Squall. But you can't seem to see that. Why.. why don't you talk to anyone any more? Why can't you ask for help?"

Squall stared off into the calm ocean for a few moments before replying.

"Because.. no one expects 'The Lion Of Balamb Garden' to have feelings. And I've followed that example my whole life. Unfortunately I'm really starting to think that I don't have feelings. I can't seem to smile, to laugh, it's as much of a surprise to me as it is to you for me to finally be able to cry. To actually weep, after all these years of holding it in, after always coming home and...."

His voice trailed of thinking he had said to much. He saw Zell fidget as the silence trailed on.

"I know it's none of my business Squall.. But what do you do? Please tell me, let me help you. How can you expect me to judge you if you won't tell me everything?" Zell turned his body around to face his friend. He still could see traces of tears down his face and a warning of more to come from the cloudy eyes looking at him now. Squall's eyes seemed to be searching for something in Zell's own electric blue. //Maybe I'm the one being judged, not him.// When the brunette finally did decide to speak he had turned his body to face Zell's but had averted his eyes to the sparkling ocean beside them.

"... When I come home from a another day of telling people what to do, doing paper work, and dealing with Rinoa.. I cant take it anymore.... The pressure, the eyes on me.. all the time.. So.. I come home and....hurtmyself."

Zell barley caught the last few words before Squall's voice had gone quiet and hurried, as he buried his head in his lather clad hands. Escaped tears falling from in between his fingers. He could see Squall's shoulders quiver slightly, as he tried to hold back the sobs that were starting to over take him. Without a second thought at what he was doing, Zell closed the distance between him and the brunette. He pulled Squall to his chest and wrapped his arms around the frail shoulders.

"Its okay to cry baby. Let it all out, I wish that I would of known earlier just how bad you felt about everything. Maybe I could of been able to help..." Zell's voice trailed off as he placed his chin on top of Squall's silky hair. He slowly rocked him back and forth, gradually he felt Squall's breath start to go back to normal. He waited patiently until Squall was able to speak.

"Its not your fault Zell.. No one could of known, and I always made sure of that. I thought that if I told someone about my problems they would be disgusted. So your the only one that knows about 'The Lion's' problem. And.. I do want you to help me Zell.. I just don't know-"

"Shh.. Its okay, ya don't have to say anything. I'll try to help ya the best I can and I wont tell anyone else about this... if ya don't want me to. Just, try not to keep all your emotions bottled up next time, if ya need an outlet then come to me. Ya know I'm here to listen to ya anytime ya want."

Squall lifted his head from Zell's now soaked t-shirt to look up into his eyes. It looked like he was searching for something again..disgust? lies? But he appeared satisfied as he set his head back down again.

"You okay now?" Zell asked breaking the silence after he and Squall had seemed content in just watching the waves together.

"Yeah.. I think I'm fine." Zell stood up carefully, and extended his hand toward Squall. The brunette looked at his hand as if there might of been a meaning deeper then just helping him up. And maybe there was, he thought, as he looked into Zell's eyes seeing nothing but loyalty and tenderness. He sighed happily as he grasped the strong hand that pulled him up easily.

"Remember, use me as an outlet any time ya feel like it. Day or night, I don't care if ya wake me up in the middle of the night, if ya have a problem or just wanna talk come straight to me, okay?" Zell smiled as he heard a hint of promise mixed with happiness in Squall's reply.

"Whatever."

They left the beautiful scene behind them just as the sun appeared behind the horizon. No one else was witness to the Lion's tears except for the seagull who sat on top of the pier watching the two man journey back to the garden laughing loudly, arms slung over each other's shoulders.

Chapter 2: Shelter From The Nightmares

The following days after Squall's little 'episode' seemed to go ignored until Zell heard screaming from the room next to his at two in the morning.

Zell rushed over to his friends room, he yanked the door open (which just happened to be unlocked, as part of Balamb Garden regulations) and found Squall thrashing in his bed, his eyes tightly closed, sweat mixed with tears streaming down his pale face. Zell knelt down beside the boy and gently shook his shoulders to wake him from his nightmare.

Squall sat up sharply, a scream piercing the silent room. His eyes franticly searching the room. After a few shaking breaths he seemed to realize he was still in his room, as his shoulders slumped forward and his head fell into the palms of his sweaty hands. Zell had sat there quietly waiting for his friend to calm down until he finally placed a hand on the brunettes back, which tensed as though afraid of human contact.

Squall looked up, meeting the caring face of Zell as his breathing gradually slowed.

"Zell... Why are you here?" Squall's face reddened slightly assuming his friend had witnessed yet another one of his break downs.

"I heard ya screaming, and when I came over here to see if ya were okay or not it looked like ya were having a nightmare.." Zell trailed off silently asking what the nightmare had been about. Squall looked down embarrassed, his voice barely audible as he explained what the dream had been about.

"I dreamt... that I.. cut myself so much that I couldn't stop bleeding and I.. died. I know its weird 'cause usually if someone cuts themselves then they want to die right? But its not like that... I just don't know what to do anymore, and this just seems like the most logical way out....

"anyway, when I died a found out that everyone ended up talking about me in past tense, like I had always feared. But after awhile... they just forgot.. If someone brought up my name they were like, 'Squall who?' and when they did remember they remembered me for the wrong reasons, 'oh you mean the boy who crashed the garden into F.H?' and 'The boy who killed him self?' I never wanted to seem like I cared about what people thought about me, but in truth I think I cared more then anyone else.

" I cared so much I ended up hurting myself more and more each day. When someone would call me one of Seifer's stupid nicknames... Lionheartless, puberty boy.. I know its immature, but I just can't help worrying of what people think of me.. I don't want to, but I can't help it. And these nightmares.. they seem to just get worse and worse. Piling up on each other until I wake up screaming, sometimes I can manage to quiet my screams by stuffing my head into the pillow... or just by cutting myself. That's why I always have a knife by my bed incase I wake up.. screaming."

Zell silently got up onto the bed with Squall and put his arms around the boy, as though it was common to do such a thing.

"Where is it?" He asked the scared boy searching the room with his eyes, trying to find a silver glint that would aid in his findings.

"What?"

"The blade? Where is the knife that ya keep by your bed?" There was a long moment of silence until Squall answered.

"Its in the second drawer, underneath the papers." He answered reluctantly.

Zell eased his left arm to the side of the bed, trying not to jostle the boy out of his embrace. He clumsily opened the drawer, shuffling lose paper around until he held what he was looking for. He didn't bother closing the drawer as he put the large but closed pocket knife into his sock, making sure it wouldn't fall out.

"Why?" Squall timidly asked as he watched the boys actions.

Zell gently pulled his friend around so he was face to face with the brunette.

"Promise me something?" His question held no room for debate.

"Anything.." Squall's eyes widened as he saw the emotions floating around in the blondes electric blue eyes. Tenderness, passion, strength.. love?

"I want you to promise me you'll never do this again. I want you to honestly say that you will stop cutting. I want you to promise that you will come to me if any of your problems seem to high and you can't think of any other solution besides hurting your self in any way. Promise me?"

Squall was surprised as his friends voice lost his usual slang, sounding almost like he really cared what Squall was about to say. As though he would do something drastic if Squall ended up cutting himself again. And he really believed he would, even threaten his own life to make sure that Squall never hurt himself again. And he never would if it ended up making Zell happy, he would do anything to see the blonde smile again.

"I promise." Zell's smile brightened up the room as though the sun had already come up from the horizon, the blonde hugged his friend till Squall couldn't breath any more. Zell laughed, a deep booming laugh that made even Squall's mouth twitch with happiness.

"No one is ever gonna hurt ya again, not if I can help it. And I'll make damn well sure that ya keep your promise too." Zell smiled again as Squall held onto him like a life line, both boys not wanting to let go quietly sat there as the sun peeked up from beneath the forest line, casting the room in a strange candle like glow. They both shut their eyes, their breathing almost matched as each of them fell into a peaceful sleep, both smiling as dreams of the other plagued their minds.

Chapter 3: Controlling Ones Own Life

When Zell finally woke up he found himself cold and alone. He looked around the dark room not finding anything out of the ordinary except a faint beam of light coming from underneath the bathroom door.

Fearing the worst, he rushed to the door turning the knob sharply to find his best friend sitting in the corner of the room sobbing. Zell searched the room for any indication of blood or sharp objects, seeing none in reach of the boy he crouched down in front of the sobbing brunette.

"Squall, what happened?" Placing a hand on Squall's shoulder he waited for his friend to console in him.

"I... I want so.." Breath taking sobs over took his voice, making the rest of his sentence inaudible. Zell picked the boy up, straining against the weight, he carried Squall to the disleveled bed. He gently sat them both down, leaning against the headboard he waited for Squall to continue.

"..I.. don't.. think I can.. control it anymore. I.. have to do it, if I don't..."

Squall's voice trailed off as he nestled his head in the crook of Zell's neck crying softly.

"What do ya think will happen if ya don't do it Squall?" Zell waited patiently for his friend to start talking again as he rubbed small circles onto Squall's back, trying to bring his quite sobs to a minimum.

"If I don't do it... I can't control anything anymore..." Zell waited for Squall to complete his confession, but only finding silence he took the brunettes face in his, red rimmed eyes staring into his own clear.

"What won't you control anymore? I think ya lost me." Zell smiled as he saw his friend frown slightly, thinking of what to say to answer his question.

"If I don't... cut myself.. I won't be able to control something. All these years I've had people mold me into what they want, taking my silence to mean so many things. So... a couple of years ago I thought if I did this, then I could finally be able to control something in my life again. Even if I am making myself into a human tic-tack-toe board, I still feel like I've accomplished something every time I cut myself. And I know that sounds incredibly stupid but that's how I always felt." Squall searched his friend's face for some kind of reaction, baffled he found Zell smiling slightly.

"Its not stupid baby. Many people feel the same way, but they chose to express those feelings other ways. Some people end up being anorexic, bulimic. Or sometimes they take less drastic measures, like... sometimes you see people that seem like control freaks. And that's exactly why they do it, they think that they control something in their lives. When really their so unsure of themselves they don't know what the hell their doing. But cutting yourself up... into a human 'tic-tack-toe board' as you called it, shouldn't be an option. You can control things in your life without damaging yourself to do it. Next time you feel someone is trying to control your life just tell them... to go to hell! Or something like that!"

Zell's booming laughter filled the room's silence. Squall chuckled slightly, but his smile faded as he thought over what Zell had said. //So maybe he could control things in his life... Zell did, he was definitely no pushover. But could he? Maybe if he spoke up more when he felt that someone was pressuring him into something he didn't want to do, or went against his morals... then he could just decline. How did Zell make it look so easy? Was there some kind of secret to it? Why the hell was he thinking so much?// Zell's laughter interrupted him from his train of thought.

"What?" Squall tilted his head slightly, a lock of brown hair falling over his eyes as he looked at the blonde.

"Ya just looked so serious all of a sudden. Like ya were really thinking over what I said, as though ya might actually plan on doing it." Zell smiled as he tucked Squall's hair behind his ear, his knuckle grazing Squall's smooth skin.

"And I hope ya do... Hey! If anyone gives ya any trouble ya come straight to me and I'll get them good!" Squall chuckled as he saw his friend almost go into his 'swatting flies' position, nearly making them both fall onto the floor.

"Well.. you know what I mean.." Zell blushed as he noticed his friend laughing at him.

"But you'll try to do that right? I mean, taking control of your life without hurting your self." Zell's face turned serious as he waited for his friend to answer. Now it was Squall's turn to laugh as he saw his friend frown slightly.

"Definitely. Maybe some day I won't be as much of a pushover as you." Squall smiled as he saw Zell's face go slack.

"I am not a pushover!" Zell jumped up, forgetting that Squall was sitting on his lap he lost his balance as he and the brunette fell to the floor.

Zell saw his friend hunch over with laughter, as he too soon joined him. Both laughing at his outburst.

When their laughter had subsided, they finally managed to sit up straight, looking into each others faces again, they smiled. Squall found that he finally had a close friend that would be behind him all the way, to save him if he decided to harm again, and to make him laugh if he didn't. Zell found that he had finally managed to make 'The Lion' laugh, and had saved someone from themselves. Both their futures held promise as they burst into laughter again, their happiness filling the air, until people outside the dorm found themselves wanting to smile too.



Chapter 4: The Lion's True Self?

The cool summer breeze flowed through his hair, water from the near by surf trailed down his sculpted chest. He surveyed his surroundings from his position on the beach towel.

Selphie was waving her arms around in the ocean for Irvine to give back her yellow bikini-top, Quistis was reading a book while she tried to tan in her pink one piece. And from the corner of his eye, he saw Rinoa pestering Squall to get into the water with her, he couldn't help sweep his gaze over Squall's beautiful body.

The brunette was wearing black swimming trunks that looked like they had just been bought recently, his griever pendent still rested against his pale skin that was starting to turn darker, and his body was glistening from sun screen, and sweat. Zell shook his head, trying to get the unwanted pictures in his mind to go away.

They had all decided to go to the beach today, for a well needed rest from the SeeD life. So far they all appeared to be having fun except for Squall who sat on the rocks with Rinoa practically all over him. The blonde got up, finally deciding to help his friend from the clutches of the Heartilly.

"Hey Rinoa!" The three turned quickly seeing Selphie, who had finally gotten her bikini-top back, waving her arms from the water.

"Come swim with us!" Rinoa smiled as she skipped over to join the petite girl.

Squall exhaled in relief, finally being away from Rinoa he turned back to the ocean admiring the view as he had not been able to with Rinoa clinging on to him.

"Hey, you okay?" Zell asked as he went to sit beside his friend.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Squall didn't turn to see his friend, but his eyes took in Zell from the corner of his vision. Sweat mixed with sunscreen was dripping down the boy's chiseled chest and stomach to disappear into midnight blue trunks and unknown territory. Squall was surprised to see no other traces of tattoos, or piercing on the boy's compact body.

A faint blush covered the brunettes cheeks as he found the blonde was looking at his arms.

Zell had been expecting to see scars when he looked at the boy's arms, but seeing none his gaze flickered to Squall's questionly.

"Makeup. I found out how to cover them up by using Rinoa's powder. That's why you don't usually see me without my bomber, because I don't like using anything of Rinoa's." Squall answered Zell's unspoken question.

"Why y'all so serious?" Irvine had come up behind them and slung his arms around their shoulders.

Squall shrugged off the arm answering in his usual one word monotone.

"Whatever."

Zell looked at Squall, wondering why he had suddenly became so cold.

"Its really none of ya business Kinneas."

Irvine placed his hand over his chest, pretending to be wounded.

"Aww.. Y'all hurt my feelings. And here I am out of the goodness of my heart about to ask y'all to go swimming with us."

Zell looked over at Squall, wondering what the boy's answer would be. He really wanted to go swimming but he also didn't want to leave him alone.

"Whatever." Squall got up, walking down to where the girls were.

Irvine and Zell watched his retreating back,

"Man, what's with him?" Irvine looked over to the blonde, who also looked puzzled.

"I don't know..." Zell got up to join their friends, Irvine right beside him as he muttered.

"Just being himself."

Zell and the rest of the gang had been laughing and having fun for the rest of the day until it was time to leave. But Irvine's comment had bugged him for the rest of the day.

'Just being himself.'

Zell had watched Squall occasionally, seeing how he reacted to the others.

It looked like the brunette returned to his usual cold self around others, but those nights when Zell had been holding Squall and he had seen him cry even.... It really made him think.

//Who is Squall really? How many personalities could one guy have?//

Chapter 5: An Onslaught Of Emotion

Eyes closed in concentration, Lionheart held at the ready, chest heaving as the brunette fought to breathe, pools of sweat trailing down his face. Leather pants clinging in all the right places, bomber jacket carefully folded and placed on a near by rock.

No words could come to mind that would describe the warrior's grace, control, precision, talent, and... beauty.

As the boy looked on in wonder, the fighter had started a new series of parries and blocks. The brunette looked as though he were fighting a series of enemies, or maybe it was the boy's own demons come to haunt him again.

The blonde made is way over to the valiant fighter. Being swift on his feet, the brunette didn't hear him until a rock had been moved.

Turning around swiftly, the gunblade made a smooth arc to decapitate the monster that had snuck up on him. The blonde saw this coming just in time as he ducked, seeing wisps of golden hair fall into his vision.

"Zell!" When Squall had finally opened his eyes he saw the blonde kneeling before him, narrowly missing the deadly blow of his blade. The brunette sheathed his Lionheart, crossing his arms as he looked at Zell with a glint of impatience in his eyes for being disturbed.

"Jeez, nearly cut my head of why don't'ca?" The martial artist sprang from his previous kneeling position with astounding grace. Sheepishly scratching the back of his head as he saw the look Squall was giving him.

"What is it?" Squall smirked in amusement as he watched the boy fidget underneath his icy glare. //Can't I ever get some peace around here to train?//

Zell relaxed again seeing how the brunette was just joking. As he fidgeted again his electric blue eyes swept over Squall's muscular body.

Sweat was glistening over the boys arms, making his biceps well defined. A small bead of sweat trailed down the boys tense chest.

"Zell?" //What's wrong with him? Why is he so fidgety?//

The blond's eyes snapped back up to meet cloudy blue.

"I wanted to talk to you about something..." His voice trailing off waiting for the brunette's response.

//What now?// Squall unfolded his arms, walking over to the large rock that was a short distance away, he picked up his precious jacket and started out of the training centre.

"You coming or not?" He called over his shoulder, hearing Zell's footsteps as he jogged to catch up to him.

They walked the rest of the way to Squall's dorm room in silence.

Reaching his room, he activated the lock with voice command.

"Squall Leonhart, student number 2639."

"Access granted." The door swished open activated by the monotone voice. Squall walked in placing his jacket in the closet, turning around he found Zell still standing by the closed door.

"You wanted to talk?"

Zell looked at his surroundings, taking in the plain walls with no posters or other pictures that lined his own room. Squall's room held barely anything except for a bed, gunblade case, desk and dresser, and the bathroom door was to his right. He snapped back to attention as he heard his friend speak.

"Oh yeah..." The blonde walked over to the cherry wood desk, sitting in the well used chair.

"Well, do you think it could wait ten minutes? I really need a shower."

Zell nodded again, watching Squall head into the bathroom shutting the door behind him.

As he heard the shower running, he got up and curiously walked around the room. //This guy has like, no personal possessions.// The only things that looked to be personal in the room were the gunblade case, with an expertly crafted silver lion's head that was molded into the black gunblade case, that was now holding the famous Lionheart.

The other thing being the assortment of books lining the dresser's top.

He looked up in surprise as he heard the bathroom door open, and out step the most beautiful sight that had yet to be seen till this very moment.

Squall's hair was more out of control then usual, droplets still clinging helplessly to the ends of the chestnut locks, water trailing down the boy's chest.

He watched one in particular that started down the side of of the brunette's porcelain face, trailing down the maze that was Squall's chest.

Muscle stood out as the water pooled up in all the right places making it appear as though the boy had more then he really did. Old battle wounds stood out on the pale skin that had yet to stay golden for more then a day's time. The water was being caught by the fluffy blue towel that was tied loosely onto the boy's narrow hips. Zell's eyes widened a bit as he saw the many scars that flowed up and down Squall's arms. One in particular that stood out amongst the others because it looked to be fairly fresh and hadn't even begun to scab over.

Zell crossed the room quickly, roughly taking Squall's muscular arm in his hands.

"This is new isn't it?" He asked, his voice barely restrained as he pointed to the particular fresh cut.

"....No.." The brunette put his head down in shame, staring at the floor intently.

"Don't lie to me Squall.. I know it is. I thought you promised to stop all of this? Was that just a lie too? Don't you see I want to help you?"

Zell dropped the arm roughly, instead placing his hands on Squall's face forcing him to look into the his eyes.

"....I cant stop this Zell. No one can help me. Not even you..." Cloudy eyes starting to glisten as un shed tears collected in them.

"Is it because I can't help you, or is it because you don't want to help your self? No one can help you unless you want to save yourself. So it comes down to, two things. Do you want to get better? Or do you just want to carry on living like this?"

Squall stayed silent as his friend searched his face. Tears were now being shed freely, as the brunette looked down again. Closing himself of from the blonde, from the world.

Zell's heart broke as he felt a wall begin to build itself between him and Squall. He stared sadly at his friend, his own tears threatening to shed, but he promised himself silently that there would be enough time to weep once he was alone.

"Is this how it's going to be? I still want to help you Squall, but if you don't say anything then I'm going to walk out that door and I might never come back. No one else is going to be this patient or caring with your emotions ever again. So.. is this really what you want?..........Please Squall answer me!" Zell was now shaking the brunette roughly by the shoulders. He stopped suddenly, as though just realizing what he had been doing.

Zell searched Squall's face again trying to see anything that would make him stay. But a veil had folded around the boy, no emotions showing but the brunettes silent tears.

Zell sighed as he slowly walked towards the door. His shoulders slumped in defeat and heart ache. He placed his hand on the brass knob, turning it slowly with what little strength he had left he started to leave the room but as an after thought turned to look at the brunette, thinking that it mite be the last time he got to see his friend. Squall was still in the same spot he had left him in, un heard sobs shaking his body. But the boy still refused to to look at him.

Zell turned around quickly, shutting the door as his own tears were shed. He shuffled quietly to his room, leaving behind happy memories, forgotten child hood dreams, and a soon to be forgotten friend. Or was it forgotten lover?

A whole new explosion of emotions consumed him again, threatening to make him collapse on the spot. He rushed the rest of the way to his dorm room, barley able to voice his command for the lock. He threw himself onto the bed, uncontrollable sobs going through his body. His pillow was damp in no time as a series of never ending tears streamed down his grief and pain stricken face. He felt like he would never stop crying as he grabbed the photo that was resting on his night stand. He looked at it for a long time, tears blurring his vision so much he could barely make out the two figures that were standing there.

The brunette held the blonde in his arms, the excuse from the blonde being a sprained ankle. The smaller boy being held was laughing merrily as he stared into his friend's face. The brunette had a fierce scowl on, but a light of happiness was resting in his grey-blue eyes.

They both looked so happy in the picture that Zell broke into sobs again.

Would he ever be this happy again? Would Squall ever open up again to the blonde? Only time would tell.

Only time......

EPILOGUE: The Lion's Success

He's dead. He finally succeeded. I hope he's happy, wherever he is. I wish I could have been there for him, but he pushed me away. I tried to help... I really did. But maybe I didn't try hard enough? I think I saw his death coming.

A month before he finally killed himself he was ghostly pale (more so then ever), his cheeks were hollow, and he had dark circles underneath his eyes. His eyes... they were so dead. Ever since I left him standing there in his room, towel dripping wet, his eyes changed. To most people his eyes held no emotion. But I saw them. I saw when he was happy, I saw when he was angry, sad. But after leaving him alone... and seeing him the next day. He just looked at me, I was so shocked I almost gasped out loud! His eyes held no colour, they were just a wall of grey. I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to talk to him. And you know his reply? "Whatever." Maybe I made a mistake when I left him...

No one else seems to care about his death, except for Seifer. Though I don't know why. Considering they were rivals throughout their whole lives. But maybe it was more then that? Maybe that's why Squall didn't want to take it further with me. He once mentioned that he didn't want to be hurt a third time. Ellone was the first, Rinoa the second... so I guess when Seifer came back to the Garden and completely ignored Squall (even when Squall went out of his way just to say hi to the guy), it really hurt him. I just wish he would have given me a chance. I wanted so much to take away his pain. But he's gone... and I have to accept that. I have to move on. Even if my heart lies in that grave with him, I have to go on living. I don't want to die by my own hand like Squall. He wouldn't have wanted it. No matter what he said other wise. I'm sure going to miss him though...