Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Thorns ❯ Thorns ( One-Shot )

Thorns

Mary Bennings

Aya_Megami@hotmail.com

I am dying here. It's so pathetic. I never thought that I would die in such a way, with no meaning or honor behind my demise. I still can't bring myself to take my life and end this quickly, but I don't even care. All I regret is that I could never tell her how I feel. What an idiot I've been, pining for her all this time! What a wasted effort is was! It should have been clear to me, but I've always been a fool, never one to give up when fortune doesn't look my way. Never one to admit defeat...

Zidane... I couldn't believe it when I saw that rouge with her for the first time, to see those stupid, flirtatious gazes he sent her. How could she bestow her affections on such an immature little boy, who couldn't respect her for what she was, the princess of Alexandria? What was he able to offer her that I could not? I was so caught up in my rage that I could only focus on him and not the task given to me by Queen Brahne. He was, after all, such a feeble looking boy so I assumed that he would be easy to defeat. I attacked the second time I saw him. Yet it was I who was defeated soundly. I must respect him now, as the man she loves and the one who has surpassed me. He does have his good points, few as they may be. He is loyal to a fault and easily makes friends. He can accept others without a second thought, which I have never been able to do well. I can see all of these things now. I do respect him, as the man that Garnet loves, but I am not resigned to that.

I remember seeing the light in her eyes go out as soon as the Invincible pulled away from the roots of the Iifa tree, but I, the callous fool, ignored all that. I saw my chance to prove myself to her when he had gone. I convinced myself that I would be able to fill the void left by Zidane's death. She will never have to feel sorrow again, I told myself, and so I began to do anything to have that light reflected back at me.

Once I kissed her. Only once. That brief contact was so fulfilling! I could have stayed like that forever, so close to her that I could feel her sweet breath on my neck. She broke it apart though. The light was not there. I desisted. There was nothing more I could do. She has never spoken of it since.

I had been the one who hired Tantalus to return to Alexandria. I thought it would cheer her up, to be reminded of the old times, but it was the worst thing I ever could have done. It ruined any chances I may have had, if I hadn't already done that earlier. Because he came. It was such a shock. I had never expected him to still be alive. Garnet ran for him. I had not seen her so happy in years. I couldn't deny her that.

I have served them faithfully since then. I could not bring myself to leave my queen, no matter how hard it was to stay and see them together. I pretended to love another instead, who I had never felt anything but friendship for... It was all a game, but it was expected of me, so I played along. Garnet never questioned it. She must have prefered it that way, with me out of the way. She wouldn't have to feel awkward then, about marrying Zidane.

So here I am. Lying on the floor of my chambers, bleeding to death of a wound that I easily could have prevented. It was meant to be just a simple practice duel with a young squire. He got a stab in and I didn't even see it coming. The Mist I'd spent so much time wandering in had begun to take its toll on my body, blurring my vision, keeping me short of breath, and slowing my reaction time. I laughed it off, saying it was nothing, and retreated to my quarters. It would be humiliated for everyone to see me fall to such a low ranking knight. They will call it a suicide, most likely, but it doesn't bother my what they say after my death. Still, I am filled with so much regret over her. There are so many things I've done wrong...

The door slowly opens.

"Oh God! Oh my God, what's happened!"

She is running to me. Her luminous brown eyes are filled with concern and horror at my gaping wound. I struggle to my feet and manage a bow. I must show the proper respect for my queen, of course.

"Don't move! And don't bother with your stupid formalities, you know I never cared about that." She reaches my side and helps me back into a laying position. "You-you're going to be fine. Just fine. I'll heal you, and you'll be better in no time at all. I just need to go and get my staff-"

"Don't bother If this doesn't get me, then the Mist poisoning would. Just stay with me a little while." She hesitated. "Please, do me this small honor. I won't keep you very long, I promise."

"It's no trouble at all. I'll stay as long as you like." She smiled weakly. "Don't talk like this is the end. You just need a few minutes to get back on your feet."

"Please don't try and be optimistic. It's quite futile, you see." I coughed. Blood splattered on my fingertips. "Damn... I've been so stupid. Forgive me, Garnet."

"You haven't ever done anything wrong. I never held anything against you. I always-"

It's all blurring now, too quick, too quickly. "No!" I struggle to get the words to come. It's so urgent to say them now when I still can. I don't want to die like this, everything unsaid, only implied. "I always lov-"

"Don't speak! I know it's hard for you. It's all right. All is forgiven." She kissed me lightly on the cheek. "You will always be my dearest friend."

"Garnet...I..."

*

The queen stood and gently closed the fallen warrior's eyes. If she had her way, no one would have to feel lonely ever again. "I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed." She plucked a rose from the vase on the mantle and folded in between the knight's hands then quietly closed the door behind her, intending to inform the parliament of General Beatrix's suicide.

6/21/02

Notes: I haven't done any short stories in a long time, and I'm actually somewhat happy with the way this one turned out (even though it's weird and I'm bad at writing romanitic stuff.) It's very angsty... I was just playing through the first disk of FF9 before I lended it to a friend and was trying to think up some unexpected couplings. Beatrix and Steiner are pretty much cannon, but it was fun to write about a hidden side of her. (The story could work for Steiner just as well, right up until the end...) Please forgive any indiscretions, I haven't played through FF9 in its entirety for a long time. Just to give a horribly shameless plug, my website's <a href=http://angelalita.tripod.com/mainpage.html> The Shinra HQ</a> which is mostly filled with my terrible FF7 fanfiction. My e-mail is <a href=mailto:Aya_Megami@hotmail.com>Aya_Megami@hotmail.com</a> if you feel like dropping a line. Constructive criticism, please. Nothing about how beatrix isn't a fag, or any other thing like that. ^_^ I get enough of that already.