Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Venus ❯ Lua ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Impiety
Beta-d by Pyro_Arc_Fire.
I do not own FFVII.
WARNING: This story contains mentions of sex and the sex trade, drugs, BoyLove, crappy writing, Final Fantasy VII being used out of context, and swear words.

The title is owned by the BRIGHT EYES.

Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Shounen-ai | Uploaded On: 10.23.2008 | Updated On: 10.23.2008 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.5K | Visits: 165 | Status: Work In Progress

… Today's turmoil.
 
I slipped into consciousness, all around me was pain. At first I was almost over come by my sense of bewilderment, and my aching brain groaned with effort as I strained to remember the night before.
Initialising reboot. 1-2-3, testing?
Reno's beast flying around corners, purple eyes that glowed in the semi-gloom, some sort of drug addled life changing revelation, tiny red pills pressed with eyeless wolves.
'Oh yeah,' I thought, 'you kissed Zack.'
Wait… WHAT?!
I sat bolt upright and with sudden inexplicable remembrance I recognised my surroundings. The black leather upholstery, the sagging roof adorned with a single bullet hole above the front passenger seat… that pain in my back? It was from the seat belt slot.
Dizzy with vertigo I feel back into my makeshift bed, wincing as the as-forementioned-seatbelt slot thing re-embedded itself in to my unsuspecting flesh.
Reno's car was a piece of shit. I raised my hand to protect my protesting eyes from the too-bright rays of sunlight that invaded the cabin of the car.
"Well that's too fuckin' bad buddy," my brow creased, that was Reno's voice right? "I said I wanted ten percent of the final cut yo, it's not easy to sell this shit!" I frowned, who was he ranting at, Valentine? No way. Fenrir? Some nobody? "Ev'ryone is on edgy yo, you know
why… Fuck man, haven't ya'heard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Its Valentine, rumour is he's back in business…" My frown grew deeper.
Please wait, Windows is loading…
Um, that had to mean something… Reno had known perfectly well that Valentine was back. Hell, I had seen them speak like old pals back at Seventh. So that meant the red head was working both sides…
"And ya'know, that business with Sephiroth-" Reno's voice ebbed away as he lowered his voice. I didn't care. The less of his business I knew the better, I was to spaced out care about anyone. But Vincent's leering face had invaded my mind; his image distorted and uglified my unreliable memories… I opened one eye and stared at the scar on my palm, it seemed to leer back at me. I sighed, the soft tissue was read and swollen, but my broken skin had some how healthy knitted itself back together again. I'd achieved what humpty dumpty had failed at for so long. I wondered when the stitches would be ready to come out.
"Yeah man, I'll be 'round in an hour, fine fine! HALF A FUCKIN' HOUR! I just gotta do some shit first. Yeah, cya…" I flinched at the plastic snapped as the redhead closed his phone.
"Zack!" oh so Zack was there too… I closed my eye again. Please, please go… I don't want to see you. My head protested, surely hanging with Zack, all awkward like, would be better then Seventh Heaven… Actually. The thought of my bed and maybe taking my anger out on Loz wouldn't be so bad…
"You know I can't Reno," Zack whined, he sounded uncharacteristically nervous and off key.
The thought of our kiss burned in my mind, Anyone but him, seriously, please, fuck… it made me feel even more ill then before.
Oh I bet you're thinkin' 'Oh but you're a prostitute, don't you kiss weirdos/strangers/stalkers/nutcases/unattractive people/people you don't like everyday?'
Yeah, well, you are right. I do.
But that's not the point. I had kissed Zack with the vigour of unsuppressed emotion, in my most unguarded vulnerable moment. I would have kissed any familiar face really… And I don't fucking do that every day, hell I don't do that ever. It was a one off. And the fact it was him made it even worse. I had an image of myself that was so set in stone, I lived to survive, I was Kitten, not Cloud, I was not passionate, I was sly, I was not caring, I defiantly was not lustful. But now Asshole One and Asshole Two seemed so determined to smash my last sense of self. Ripping up the foundations of an institution that had held fast for so long and could have lasted forever… They were proving there was another me bailed up behind my walls. And they probably didn't even realise that they were doing it. The
idea there was more to me that I didn't even know to exist was frightening. It made me more highly strung then before.
Now loading: 'seemingly_irrelevant_philosophy.doc"
"Mind" is a tool invented by the universe to see itself; but it can never see all of itself.
Decode relevance?
NO.
I was fucking terrified.
"Fuck you Zack you owe me!" Reno snapped.
"What for man? You owe me. I saved this kid enough; I don't want part of this anymore. You know what Sephiroth would do to me if he found out." There was that name again. I was curious, the fog that clogged my brain seemed to thin a little. Zack sounded more and more frantic. How unusual.
"Is that what your worried about? Your own ass?" Snarled Reno. I felt sicker, I did not want to be responsible for the end of their friendship… Not because I liked them, I just really didn't need more drama in my life. "You know exactly what would happen if he found out…"
"Oh yeah?! What, just tell me what!"
"You will get a big-fat-pay rise, and I will end up in rottin' in Forbidden City six feet under. Fuck knows what will happen to Princess, yo."
"EXACTLY! JUST TAKE HIM BACK TO THE BROTHEL AND BE DONE WITH IT!" I sat up, shaking. "If Seph sees him, you two are fucked, I can't take him…"
"Oh yeah and should just fuckin' march him into Romulus's pub? With Valentine's mark? Just what I need. If they see him he's gonna end up either dead or in their shop." Reno paused. Both of their backs were visible to me in the back window. My breathing was unsettled. "Vinnie would start a fuckin' gang war and then we're both dead. Just get him to wear a pair of gloves and the fuckin' silver bastard will nev'r know, how the hell is he supposed to know he's a whore? Ev'ryone is in a fuckin' gang these days, yo."
Reno's jaw was set firm, and Zack stared back defiantly. The silence felt dangerous, stretched and ready to snap in a heartbeat.
You've_been_seen@ohfuckmail.gaia just added you to his/her friend list, accept?
With creepy timing they both glanced over their shoulders to see my pale, sickly face staring at them with innocent wide eyes.
Zack sighed and lowered his head in defeat.
"We're walking on the edge of a knife here," he murmured to Reno, who just nodded in turn.
"He's either dog food or ShinRa's new trump card." Added the redhead.
"Fine." Zack said, not looking at me and staring at Reno with dark eyes. I noted that he was wearing a pair of square framed black glasses; it made him look almost alien. "I'll get him back to Seventh Heaven by three. Two hours. I need something for him to wear though…"
Was it one o'clock already? Shit I'd been asleep for hours.
That caused me to look down the front or my wife beater, it was dark, stained. I touched my top lip, then my chin. They were crisp with dry blood, flaking off at my touch. How embarrassing, I'd had a nosebleed in my sleep.
Reno nodded and my vision of them was obscured for a moment as he opened up the boot of the car.
So I was going to meet Sephiroth. I was still too out-of-it to realize the full importance of the matter. I gripped the seat to rebalance myself and turned my battered body around. On the grimy floor I looked for my shoes, which I found under a mountain of balled up tissues and porn magazines. I left them on the seat deciding to tackle my laces later, and rummaged around the junk aimlessly, trying to ignore the two men as they discussed me and looked for clothes in Reno's boot. I found an almost clean pair of black fingerless gloves, which I pulled on. In that time the redhead had pulled open my door and thrown in a can of deodorant and a one of his white linen shirts, before slamming the door shut again.
Clearly I wasn't forgiven for my behaviour last night. Later I couldn't decide if that was a victory for me or a loss.
I swapped shirts and sprayed on the spicy smelling deodorant and felt slightly more human. I made a brave attempt at my shoes and got out of the purple Pontiac in good time. Zack was leaning against the car with his head down. Reno was back on the phone, as soon as the sunlight hit my eyes they rolled slightly. I groaned and fell back slightly, quickly regaining my footing and looking at the ground. I'm sure both men shook their heads at me.
Reno strutted over and shoved a pair of silver Aviator sunglasses into my hands. I looked at them stupidly before putting them on. Now I could roll my eyes in privacy with out the whole world glaring at me. They helped with the sun too; no shit. He covered the mouthpiece of his phone as he walked grimly to the driver's side door of the beast.
"Good luck," there was something nasty about the tone of his voice. Right away I distrusted him, "For god's sake get that blood off his face." And then he got in his car.
Before I even have the chance to speak, Zack gently took my wrist and pulled me away from the car. It started with a roar and sped away. The world wobbled and I fell into Zack, he just sighed and handed me a handkerchief so I could wipe my face.
It was awkward. I didn't want to speak to him, I couldn't trust my voice, or my stomach, I had a feeling of dread that if I opened my mouth I would probably spew everywhere.
He sighed again and gripped his hands on my trembling shoulder blades and frog marched me towards a gleaming Hardy Daytona and more or less sat me down into the saddle of the bike before getting on it himself.
Okay, I see how it's going to be.
He didn't start the bike, he sat there looking at his hands, and then, eventually spoke.
Virus detected!
"Princess, just keep quiet, please for the love of all things holy don't talk about Reno or any of the shit you're involved in." I gave an indignant snort, which he maturely ignored. I nervously noted that this was only the second time I was alone with Zack. And really, the first time didn't could. And plus, I didn't know who or what I was at that very moment.
"Just keep your mouth shut and look pretty," his voice was borderline cruel. "I'm sure even you can manage that."
That stung. I was confused for a moment. I had thought that Zack was the kind of guy never to strike a blow, that aspired to be everyone's friend.
It was quite possible and more so obvious that he'd just taken enough of my hostile shit.
"Fine." I croaked, "Where are we going?"
Zack started the bike with the roar of the powerful engine, I was almost excited, and I had a secret love of motorbikes.
"The Trembling Cup - it's a café-" he stared.
"Yes, I know. I promise not to ruin your little tea party," I growled.
Zack rather aggressively hit the gas and started forward before we stopped.
"Cloud, hold on." He growled.
"I'll be fine, actually I just might walk back to Tifa's." Oh god, what I lie. I had no idea where we were. Some smelly car park in the northern part of the city.
"Just hold on," Zack said, softer then before.
"No!" I squeaked. "I'll be fine." I was deliberately pushing him now. Just out of spite.
"For fucks sake just hold on to me!" Now that was a yell. But I could counter it.
"Fuck. You." I said back, my voice raising to a higher octave.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Zack snarled, "What the fuck is your problem with me?"
"I could ask you the same thing…" I said, but his question shook me.
"No. I've been nothing but nice to you, and you're just a fuckwit. Fine. Don't hold on, get splattered on the pavement like the cheap whore you are…" His words were rushed, and I knew he didn't mean them. Zack was probably recovering from last night as well, and he'd just argued with his best friend. And it was all my fault.
But hell, I wasn't going to lose this one.
I got off the bike and walked away heading for the streets.
I heard the engine rumble back to life and the SOLDIER slowly passed me, as soon as he was out of sight I fell back on the pavement.
Tears forming in my eyes.
Error. Data corruption. Reboot?
Have you ever read about Deviance in sociology?
As in 'smoking in a non-smoking area' kind of thing.
No? Well okay, consider this a crash course.
See these people ('Structural-functionalists' aka 'normal' people) believe that 'deviants' (aka 'abnormal' people) fuck up when they are basically forced to do 'normal' things.
This guy named Merton or something had this theory called the 'Strain Theory': our cultural goals of conformity and ritualism are institutionalised to the populace (still with me? I'm not great with explaining this kind of stuff…) and 'abnormal people' will reject these means…. Innovation from conformity… And then retreating from ritualism… And then that results in rebellion and the creation of new means and new goals…
Ya'get me?
Pretty much being a deviant make you a criminal. But for me it meant something different.
I had been used to being to so protected. I had lived at home. Restricted to the naiveties of the schoolyard. I had lived on the streets and growing a stoic shell that never worked probably anyway. I had lived spoilt in the confines of Seventh Heaven. Growing used to my own inflated sense of self worth, decaying, forgetting.
Leaving behind the last fragments of my real self.
I had not had an innovation, I just retreated and conformed. I was going from rebellion to being complacent in the environment that I had been slowly groomed into.
Basically I had no real life experience. I wasn't trained to deal with this.
Reboot?
I didn't know what it was like to have a real friend. My body slid down the wall and I was sitting on my ass on the dirty gutter.
Reboot?
Y/N?
Tears spilled down my cheeks unchecked. I wasn't crying because I was upset. I was crying out of frustration.
My life had been all about control. Either I was puppet or the master.
Zack and Reno offered freedom, I could see now that I feared it. But once I had gained it I did not want to give it up.
Reboot?!
Y/N?!
Had I swallowed the red pill? Or was the blue pill rotting in my gut? Was this my reality, or was it just a video on loop.
Rebooting in 10…
I swallowed, last night it had all seemed so simple up there in the nightclub. Though I could hardly remember my revelations.
Rebooting in 9…
I was so stupid, so foolish, and so self-centred.
Rebooting in 8…
And I knew no matter what happened that wouldn't change.
Rebooting in 7…
I just had so much pent up rage, self-loathing and frustration.
Rebooting in 6…
And it wasn't about to go anywhere.
Rebooting in 5…
I rested my head in my hands and leaded up against the brick wall. The sudden rush of emotion caused my eyes to roll uncontrolled.
Rebooting in 4…
"Cloud?" It was his voice I knew. Had he come back to yell some more?
Rebooting in 3…
The bike growled as it approached.
"Cloud I'm sorry I just lost my temper… You can ruin my tea party if you want…"
So my initial evaluation of Zack had been correct. He was the good guy. Nice to everyone.
"Fuck off, you hate me remember. Just go on your little date and protect your best friend."
I knew he was next to me. I could hear his soft, hitched breathing.
Rebooting in 2…
"Aww, don't be like that Princess…" He murmured softly, "How could I go with out you?"
Reboot aborted.
I sniffed.
"P-please just drop me at Tifa's. Or tell me how to get there." The strange weakness in my voice made me want to scream. I just didn't have the energy left.
I think the black haired SOLDIER knew that.
He lifted my arm and I still refused to look at him, and for the second time put me on the bike. I know when I've lost.
But this was more of a stalemate.
He got onto the bike and I looped my arms around his waist. Zack let out a small surprised squeak. I just shut my eyes.
With in ten minutes we had stopped again.
Surely we weren't at Seventh Heaven just yet?
I looked up, and the sign told me we were at the Trembling Cup.
I could almost scream. But at the very least my eyes had stopped rolling.
We got off the bike in unison. I didn't even dare to look at him. I was ashamed, and felt cheated and still incredibly drug sick.
"Here goes nothing…" Zack muttered and walked towards the flashy brass door of the café. I had no choice but to follow him, my heart beating erratically.
Talk about an emotional roller coaster.
All I wanted to do now was sleep. Or pump myself full of drugs again.
My head was clear as day! Except for the sidesplitting headache and the threat of throwing up any minute. Two meters to the door isn't much time to contemplate meeting the other side of the social spectrum. What would I say? Would they find me out? And what would happen? Why was it so important that they didn't? These were questions best saved for Zack but with his hand on the doorknob with out so much as a glance at me - I knew that now was not the time.
I guessed this was how all those boys felt before they met their girlfriend's father in all those chick flicks I had consumed.
It amazes me some times; I can go from self-loathing and dramatics to superficiality so quickly.
But Zack was already though the door and was holding it open for me. I wondered if I looked okay and rushed though the door.
Trojan Horse detected.
I felt like a fake, a liar, I was too scummy for a place like this. With the perfectly starched table cloths and delicate china…
Zack lead me to a table in the middle of the establishment. I stood behind him, obscuring my view of the tables' occupants, using the animal philosophy (and quite possibly Reno's too) of 'if I can't see them, they can't see me'.
"Why, its nice to see you at last Zachary," said one deep, calm voice, I could not help but think it was slightly mocking.
"I'm so glad you decided to grace us with your presence." Now this voice was nasal, not exactly pleasant but very well educated.
"Heh, sorry about that, Sephiroth, Genesis, Angeal." There were three of them?!
Trojan Horse identified. Delete 'Cloud_7.exc'?
"Who is your friend?" This voice was calm, nice, I relaxed. The first friendly voice I had heard in this frightening group.
"Um this is…" Zack started. Fuck. Fuck fuck. I just knew he was going to fuck this up.
Delete...?