Walking Blind

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long to get out but I've been pretty busy. This is a pretty long chapter, so now I can get writing on some of my other stories. This is going to be an important chapter. A lot of information about Oni and Squall that is kind of hard to catch will be in here. I've also decided to add a few funny moments in here just for fun. Just pay attention to small details and enjoy!

Disclaimer's:Final Fantasy 8 doesn't belong to me and neither does the song "Lying From You" by Linkin Park. No, it's not mine, but it's not yours either so THERE!

Chapter 4: Secret Tears

Hidden from the eyes around,

Away where they won't see.

A place where I can rest is where I want to be.

I'm trying to win the battle,

So then I'll win the war,

Once I complete this I'll spread my wings and soar.

Until then I am waiting,

Surviving dreams at night,

The monsters in my mind are what I always fight.

Hold back my cries of anguish,

Bottle up my fears,

But I can't help the falling of my secret tears.

~Lynxionia

Sunlight floods through the window of the room shared by two of The Ocean's Shore's patients. The wind is lightly blowing the curtains on the wall and the birds can be heard chirping from the open window. If it weren't for the circumstances he was in, Squall would have said it was a nice morning. Instead, he shielded his eyes from the offending light now flooding the room and rolled over so that his face was buried in his pillow.

The sheets and comforter were both thrown to the end of the bed and his leg was hanging off the side from his endless tossing during the night. The breeze that the cracked window created was welcome to him in the extreme heat of the summer weather. The sunlight not permitting him to sleep any longer, he sat up out of bed and look over to the other side of the curtain to see that Oni was still lying in her bed with all her covers and sheets on. He noticed that besides the fact that she had all her covers on in 90 degree weather, something wasn't right. Her breathing was heavier than it should be and he knew she HAD to be hot with all those covers.

Frowning, Squall swung his legs to the side of his bed and sat up facing the curtain that separated the two queen size beds. He continued to watch the mysterious girl on the other side of the curtain breath heavily and show obvious signs of discomfort. A few more minutes pasted and Squall wasn't really sure if he should wake her or just let her wake on her own.

The decision was made for him as Oni suddenly sat up out of her bed and emotionless eyes snapped open. Her breathing was heavy but still controlled somehow. She calmed herself, slowly pulled each leg out of bed and grabbed the robe lying at the end. Putting her arms into the robe and then pulling it closed, she walked over to his side of the curtain and looked at him.

Her hair was in a slight state of disarray, but she still looked like she was in a sort of "control", if that was what it could be called. It was then that he realized he was still clad only his boxers and he quickly grabbed the robe that he found to be laying on the end of his bed and wrapped it around himself, trying not to look rushed.

"You can take a shower if you want. I'll have breakfast made by the time you're done." With that, she turned and walked to the kitchen pulled out three pans and placed them on the stove.

Squall rose from his seat on the bed and grabbed a pair of black jean pants, a white T-shirt, a pair of socks, and fresh boxers before he made his way over to the bathroom at the back of the small "apartment". He looked around the bathroom and found that there weren't any towels lying in there. So, he walked out of the bathroom again to ask Oni for one. Just as he opened his mouth to ask, Oni spoke.

"There are towels in the cabinet at the end over there." She lifted a hand from the eggs she was beating to point at the cabinet at the fair end. Squall grabbed a fresh black towel and went back into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Turning the knob in the shower to warm, he pulled off his boxers and waited for the water to warm slightly before stepping in. The water was just a little cold when he did step in and, jumping slightly, tried to become use to the cool liquid. After a few minutes the water had warmed and Squall turned the knob even more until it went as far to the left as it would go. Scolding hot water poured out over his tense muscles while he reached for a bottle of shower gel that was resting on the ledge. He half expected it to be some fruity or flowery scent that a woman would use, but was surprised to find that the fragrance was coco butter. Lathering up the gel, he washed off the sweat from the night heat and let the hot water clean him of the suds. Reaching for the shampoo he was curious as to what fragrance it would be, but when he read the label he was not surprised to see that it said "Red Rose".

(Women.) His mind rolled his eyes at the ridiculous scents that women pick out. Having no other choice, he poured a quarter-sized amount of the shampoo into his hand and lifted it to his nose to see just how bad it was. A big surprise came to him when he smelt the shampoo in his hand. It had an airy, almost distant smell that was that of a rose, but it wasn't a heavy, thick scent that would drive you crazy. No, it could have been cologne if he didn't know any better. Rubbing the gel between his hands, he massaged the shampoo into his hair quite pleased at the soft feeling it had to it. Finishing with the shampooing, he rinsed it out and made a grab for the conditioner that was sitting next to the shampoo. He checked the label and saw that it read, "White Rose". Curiosity capturing him again, he put some in his hand and was pleased to find that it smelled a lot like the shampoo did. The combination of the two was quite nice really. For a fraction of a second, he actually wondered what it would smell like on Oni, but the thought left as soon as it came.

Finishing his scent filled shower, he stepped out and dried himself with the black towel that he found to be quite soft. As he brought it up to dry his face, he caught the smell of...what was that smell? It was quite pleasant, but he couldn't give it a name. Finishing with the drying of his skin, he reached for his clothes sitting by the sink and began to pull on his boxers followed by his pants and socks. The mirror was clouded over by the steam in the small bathroom and he decided to air out the hot space. Grabbing his shirt in one hand and his towel in the other, he exited the bathroom, completely forgetting about the woman who was standing in a robe making breakfast right outside.

Letting the door swing open, he stepped out into the warm room and brought the towel to his dripping wet hair in the process. Shirt in hand and towel in hair, he was met with the sight of Oni looking at him from the kitchen where she was finishing the eggs. Her face was in its same emotionless position as if she had seen someone with a fur coat on come out of her bathroom.

He just stood for a second, not really knowing what to do. Should he just ignore the strange situation, or should he run back into the bathroom? Well, running into the bathroom would make the current predicament look even more embarrassing and would probably serve only to make him look like a naive little boy who just walked out of the shower naked in front of his big brother's girlfriend. (Author's note: I have NO idea WHERE that came from.) Instead, deciding to just ignore it, he walked over to the chair at the small dining table and sat down, still holding his shirt in his hand and drying his hair with the other. Then, using his hands, he straightened out the towel-ruffled hair with his fingers so that it had its "tossed" effect that he wore all the time.

(Author's Note: Now let's think about this for a second. Two people are sharing one room that has two beds, one kitchen, one table, and a bathroom. Now what just happened? The woman stood there clad in only a robe that hid only her tag top and underwear while the man just walked out of her bathroom wearing no shirt and had wet hair from his shower. Any "normal" girl would have turned the color of a cherry and turned away out of complete and total embarrassment (and absolute wonder ^_~) that a very handsome man just walked out of her bathroom wearing no shirt. A few bolder people would have probably done something else, but we all know that. Talk about some SERIOUS tension and I'm not talking about the kind in a rubber band. But we must remember that this is Oni and she is NOT some silly little girl who is going to blush every time she sees some REALLY hot guy's chest. Although we all know I would. Yes, she has self-control, I don't. Just thought I'd clear that up.)

After "tossing" his hair, he pulled his white shirt on over his head and sat waiting for Oni to finish the food she was making for them. A few moments later, Oni walked over to the table and laid a plate of food consisting of scrambled eggs, potatoes, and bacon down in front of the clean man now sharing her room with her.

Squall slowly ate his food as Oni did the same and no words passed between them. Both of them finished around the same time and Oni took both of their plates to the sink and washed them thoroughly.

Squall rose from seat and watched as she grabbed a pair of underwear, a bra, socks, a pair of short jean shorts, and a white tang top that had a red phoenix on the front. It was similar to the outfit he had met her in, simple, but in the heat, anyone could have cared less. She walked towards the bathroom and grabbed a towel before entering. Then, with a small click, locked herself away for a shower.

This seemed a perfect time to make his bed and check his schedule for today's therapy. The first one had already proved to be pretty damn boring, but he could just sit there and sleep. Or maybe he could try Oni's method and write a poem or something. He was DEFINITY not a poet, but it pasted time so, why not? Not like he had anything better to do. What else WAS there to do?

His mind made up, he made his bed and then sat on it simply waited for something to happen. Laying his head back on the pillow and letting his mind wander freely over nothing, he let his eyes drift shut. He sifted though his memories that were now just one thing, memories. They were no longer part of his life, or at least, he wished they weren't, but he knew that they would forever haunt him. Letting his thoughts drift past this, another train of thought took hold of him. The dream. He had it again last night. Same as it always was. He had had it so many times that he no longer awoke with a start or a jump. Every single night it was the same thing over and over and over again. There was always that voice echoing through his mind as if it were a part of his very soul.

"Help me..."

Those two words plagued him. They were the reason that she had come to hate him so much. She had thought he was dreaming of another woman somewhere that he was supposedly cheating on her with. But the truth is, he knew something that she never knew he knew. She was the one who was cheating. She had been caught red handed with another guy somewhere by his own friends. He never said a word to her about it. He decided that he would give her a chance and see if she would stop doing it without him having to say anything. She never did. And she never even showed any sign that she wanted to leave him. Not a word. That was the dirt in the open wound. To know that she never said a word and she never knew he knew. Now that he really thought about it, there wasn't anything he could have done to make her stay anyway. Deep inside, he wished he had never met her and then he never would have ended up where he was now. But something else told him that things happened for a reason even if he couldn't see that reason now.

The sound of a door slowly opening brought him back to the present and Oni walked out from the bathroom. The jean shorts and white tag top fit her body nicely, and long damp black hair was spilled out over her clean shoulders. Fire pools seemed to glow through the semi lit room. Walking to the hamper next to the bathroom door, Oni dropped her sleeping attire into it and made her way to her bed.

Letting her weight sink into the mattress, the red-eyed enigma searched through the drawer in her nightstand for something. After a few seconds, she pulled out an object that Squall didn't quite catch, for she put it into her little bag resting next to her bed. Picking up the bag and slinging it over her shoulder, Oni rose from her bed and headed for the door. Looking over her shoulder at him she spoke, her voice void of feeling.

"You can come if you wish, but you don't have to."

Turning back towards the door, Squall thought about staying and just doing nothing, but decided that he might as well go since he had nothing else to do. If he were back at Balamb, this constant coming and going would have annoyed him to death, but now, he could have cared less. It was true, the past two and a half years had changed the way he cared about things. He cared only for things that didn't require much emotional energy. Moving from place to place was one of those things.

Rising from his bed, he headed for the door where Oni was waiting and was sure to grab his notepad before he left. Making their way to the elevator, Oni pressed the button for the 3rd floor where the Activity Room was. Silent as always, the elevator took the patients to the floor they wanted. Exiting the elevator, they entered the activity room where everyone was playing and talking. Toki was sitting at her usual table talking and laughing with her friends. Upon seeing them enter, she came bounding over in her always-cheerful mood.

She ran up to Oni first and embraced her knees as a small child would embrace her mother and looked up into the red eyes that were looking down at her. Oni bent down to tiny Toki's level and patted the little girl on the head causing her to giggle and throw her arms around the older woman's neck. Surprisingly to Squall, Oni hugged the little child back but kept the same careless expression on her face.

Pulling away, Toki smiled even wider and spoke in her high cheery voice. "Morning Oni! You can come and sit at our table again if you want to. Did you bring your music?"

Oni nodded to the little girl and pulled the Cd out of her small backpack and put it into the tiny fingers outstretched towards her. Toki graciously took it and looked back up at Oni before asking her, "Which number?"

"Number 4"

Toki nodded her head rabidly and ran off to a huge sound system sitting near the back that was currently playing some REALLY horrible therapy music that the doctors put on everyday. Pulling out the terrible Cd, Toki put in Oni's Cd and turned it to number four while turning up the sound to the highest level.

After a few seconds, the system read the Cd and a strange drumbeat came through the speakers followed by heavy bass and the sound of all the patients cheering for the change in music. With the music turned up loud, words were being sung that went with the singers on the Cd.

When I pretend

Everything is what I want it to be

I look exactly like what you had always

Wanted to see

When I pretend

I can forget about the criminal I am

Stealing second after second just 'cause

I know I can

But I can't pretend this is the way

It will stay

I'm just trying to bend the truth

I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be

So I'm lying my way from you

The words to the song sounded a lot like how he felt when he had been with her and how he felt now. He was trying to change and be what she had so desperately wanted him to be, but that person was someone he wasn't. He had thought that if he could somehow convince her that he was that person, maybe he could convince himself. That was one of the most ignorant ideas he had ever had.

(No/no turning back now)

I wanna be pushed aside

So let me go

(No/no turning back now)

Let me take back my life

I'd rather be all alone

(No/no turning back now)

Anywhere on my own

'Cause I can see

(No/no turning back now)

The very worst part of you

Is me

He wanted to be by himself and away from everyone else because he was afraid of being hurt by the emotions that made him the way he was. But she wanted him to become the guy who could be like everyone else and smile like her. Every thought he had was kept inside, but she urged, no, insisted, that he needed to share these thoughts with everyone else. Look what happened in the end.

I remember what they taught to me

Remember condescending talk

Of who I ought to be

Remember listening to all of that

And this again

So I pretended up a person who was fitting in

And now you think this person

Really is me, and I'm

(Trying to bend the truth)

But the more I push

The more I'm pulling away

'Cause I'm lying my way from you

She had told him that he needed to be open to people and more understanding. Everyone wanted him to be someone he wasn't and he had tried to do that. He let himself be told over and over that he needed to change, but every time they told him that, he felt like he was losing himself.

(No/no turning back now)

I wanna be pushed aside

So let me go

(No/no turning back now)

Let me take back my life

I'd rather be all alone

(No/no turning back now)

Anywhere on my own

'Cause I can see

(No/no turning back now)

The very worst part of you

The very worst part of you

Is me

Why couldn't she have accepted him for who he was? Why did he have to be someone else before he was good enough? What was wrong with who he was? It was true, some things she had changed about him were good, but those small changes were never enough, she always needed more. Always more.

This isn't what I want it to be

I never thought that what I said

Would have you running from me

Like this

This isn't what I want it to be

I never thought that what I said

Would have you running from me

Like this (LIKE THIS!)

This isn't what I want it to be

I never thought that what I said

Would have you running from me

Like this (LIKE THIS!)

This isn't what I want it to be

I never thought that what I said

Would have you running from me

Like this

After everything he had tried to change for her, after all the things he tried to do, it wasn't enough. In the end she had the nerve to accuse him of cheating when she was the culprit all along. She turned on him and left him, alone. But was it for the worst? Or maybe, the best?

You!

(No/no turning back now)

I wanna be pushed aside

So let me go

(No/no turning back now)

Let me take back my life

I'd rather be all alone

(No/no turning back now)

Anywhere on my own

'Cause I can see

(No/no turning back now)

The very worst part of you

The very worst part of you

Is me

The song ended and the next one started but Squall found himself still lost in the first. Just how much would it have taken before she saw the grand amount of care he once had for her? Now all he felt was utter disgust and anger towards that woman, no, not woman, girl who could never understand how he truly felt. Never.

Now he was here, at The Ocean's Shore where he lived in room 917 with a red eyed, black haired woman who was even quieter than him, although having a silent roommate was a welcome change from who he us to share his time with. Oni wasn't constantly asking him to do things for her, she didn't complain about how quiet he was. No, Oni let him have his space and never nagged or got angry when he walked out of the bathroom without a shirt. Squall was pretty confident that he would have no problem living at The Ocean's Shore as long as it stayed like this.

A tiny hand jerking on his larger one pulled him out of his train of thought that he seemed to be getting lost in lately. He looked over to his right at the table he was sitting at to see Toki tugging lightly on his hand. Surprised by her actions, Squall stared at her for a second before the little child spoke.

Tiny Toki just smiled up at him in a cute innocent fashion and giggled before asking, "Hey Squall, some of my friends wanted to know how you got that." Toki unexpectedly stood up on the bench so that she was at his eye level and put her tiny finger against the bridge of his nose.

Utter surprise fell over Squall features at the child's innocent jester of touching her fingers to his scar to indicate what she was talking about. But feeling the soft flesh pressed to the place where the mark was made a strange feeling come over him. Such an innocent intention, but it brought back bad memories for the former Commander. How should he answer? Should he answer at all? Squall searched for the right option and finally decided to just tell the little girl the truth instead of snapping at her.

With his own hand he brought it up to Toki's much smaller one that was pressed to his face and pulled it away gently before answering, "I got into a fight with someone. I was winning, but he cheated because he wanted to win really badly. So he cheated and hurt me." He had tried his best to explain it to her in the simplest way hoping it made sense to her.

For the first time, Squall saw Toki's features twist into a frown at his words and she spoke in a pout, "What a mean person, to cheat like that and hurt you. That person must be pure evil."

All of Toki's friends nodded their heads in agreement with these words. Squall looked into the small child's eyes trying to find words to say, but just as he was about to say something, Oni beat him to it.

"Toki, no one is pure evil, everyone has the potential to be good. It is a choice, you know that. That person obviously chose to do something mean, but that doesn't mean he is pure evil."

Oni's light scolding sounded strange to Squalls ears. He hadn't expected something like that to be told to a child of Toki's age, but he didn't say anything about it.

Toki's frown lessened, but she answered Oni in an indignant tone. "I know, but that's just plain rude. Who would be mean enough to cheat just so that they can hurt someone as nice as Squall?"

These words truly baffled the former Commander. Someone as nice as him? He was nice? This little girl no older than six had said he was nice? Those were not words he was use to hearing being associated with his name. Rude, unkind, and arrogant maybe, but never nice. How could this little child he had barely spoken to call him nice?

But what was said next sounded even stranger.

"Well, Squall chooses to be nice. Who ever hurt him chose to be mean." Oni's answer sounded so...well, not Oni. Did she think he was nice?? Squall stole a glance in her direction to see that she was writing yet another poem. Had she really just said that about him? This was getting more and more confusing by the minute.

He turned and stared into big brown eyes belonging to Toki that were so innocent while her lips curved into a huge smile. Looking into that round face, Squall could not resist the urge to let the corners of his lips to curve upwards. "Yeah, Seifer chose to be mean."

His answer was simple but to the point and Toki looked at his scar again and then putting her tiny hands on her tiny hips, she declared, "Well, I don't like this Seifer person. He is mean because he cheats and hurts nice people like Squall!" After her declaration, Toki smiled at Squall and threw her thin arms around his neck in a tight hug. With her arms wrapped around his neck she spoke in her cheery voice. "But you don't have to worry about him anymore because now you're with us and we stand up for each other!" The entire table of child nodded their heads and spoke their agreement.

Completely caught off guard, Squall just sat there for a minute, not knowing what he should do, but after a moment of confusion, he hesitantly put his arms around her tiny body. "Yeah, I don't have to worry."

He tried his hardest not to let the feeling of sadness take him. This little child so innocent and free was stuck here in this place where she had grown up with this family of people who took care of her. Would he ever have that? In a way, she was a lot like how he used to be when Ellone was with him at the orphanage. Back then, he had his family of people who all were like him. In a way, coming to The Ocean's Shore, was a lot like going back to the orphanage, only this time, he had to start with a new group of people. This little girl had already accepted him, would the others do the same?

The embrace ended when Toki backed away from him with a huge toothy smile still plastered to her face. Plopping back down into her seat, she began to chatter away with her friends again about how she would get Seifer into "big trouble" if he had done what he did to Squall to her. He couldn't help the slight laugh that rose when she talked about telling Seifer's mom on him.

Letting Toki and her friends continue their talking of Seifer's punishments, Squall looked over at Oni who was still writing something in her notebook. Crimson eyes scanned the words and wrote more as the music in the background continued to play. Would she ever accept him? He highly doubted it, but then again, she was kind to everyone else, who says she can't be nice to him and so far, she hadn't given him any reason to think that she would not be kind to him. So who says she wouldn't except him?

(The laws of probability.) Squall resisted the urge to roll his eyes at that stupid voice in the back of his head that always had to get the last word in. Now what should he do? What could he do? (Sit there and stop thinking...for once.) Wait, who needs to stop thinking??? Yeah sure...ok, he decided to just sit there and wait for something to happen.

Sure enough, Toki suddenly jumped up out of her seat after whispering something to her friends and giggling. All of her friends followed suit and ran over to Oni's side of the table. They all began to jump up and down around her chanting "play" over and over again to get her to move. Eventually, Oni set down her pencil and closed her notebook before standing. All the children then grabbed onto her hands and led her out to the middle of the Activity Room where a bright red ball sat.

Squall watched all of this, wondering what the children were going to play with the raven-haired woman. He silently look on until he once again felt tiny hands tugging on his own and he looked down to find himself once again staring into big chocolate brown eyes.

Toki put on her innocent smile again and rocked back and forth on her feet while holding his large hand with both of her tiny ones. "Come play with us, it will be fun. You can't sit here every day or you'll get fat." With that said, she gave a "mighty" tug on Squall's arm and led him to the center of the room where everyone else was waiting.

"Ok." Toki stood in the middle of the group and began to explain the game. "We're going to play keep away. All of us are going to try and keep the ball away from Oni and Squall." She smiled at them again and picked up the big red ball. "You two work together and try to get the ball away from us, ok?"

The roommates nodded at the little girl and then Squall turned and looked at Oni who was just waiting for the game to start with her always quiet face. He then turned back to Toki who held up the big red ball and screamed, "Ready! Set! GO!"

Toki quickly passed the ball to a little boy off to her right who in turn pasted it to a little girl behind him. Squall being the strategist he was, decided to go easy on the kids by pretending to be completely at lost on how to get the ball and then suddenly he'd steal it from them. Setting his plan into action, he saw Oni out of the corner of his eye standing, just watching the ball be pasted by the little children. It was obvious that she was waiting for a perfect moment to snatch the ball. Squall then approached the child holding the ball and as soon as they passed it, he ran towards the new holder and kept doing this for a little while. He still kept an eye on Oni who had begun to move to the person she thought would receive the ball next. Both roommates watched the movement of the ball carefully, but surprisingly to Squall, the child did a good job at passing the ball at the very last moment, making it hard to guess the next move. Such a simple game had been turned into a chess game. Making sure you were in the right place at the right time.

Suddenly, the game picked up in pace and the children began to pass the ball faster and faster. A few of them began to "fake" the pass to one and then pass to another. All of them were laughing and giggling at trying to keep the ball from the two older patients. But eventually, they started to try and go too fast and their passes got sloppy. Squall and Oni both took this opportunity to try and pick off a bad pass. Having the same idea in mind, they both dashed towards the ball that was intended to be caught by Toki, but instead was thrown off to her left. Both roommates reached for the big red object and, as expected, they both hit their mark.

Squall and Oni caught the ball at the same time, one on either side holding it with both hands. They each stared at each other, not really knowing what to do besides stand there. Each one had the same emotionless eyes, only difference was that Oni saw blue ones and Squall saw red ones. Neither let go or made a move to show any sign of discomfort. They just stood there as if time had completely stopped.

The silence that lingered between them was thick until Oni broke it with a gentle but blank comment. "Nice catch."

Squall continued to look at her, not letting his gaze wander or drop from her crimson orbs and answered, "You too."

At that moment, Toki bounded over towards them with her ever-present smile on and grabbed hold of the side of Squall's pants and the edge of Oni's shorts giving a light tug. "You guys work good together! Play again!" Both parties handed the ball to Toki at the same time and the little girl bounded towards the middle and waited for Squall and Oni to follow. Both of them did and the game began again.

They played it a few more times before Oni noticed that they had 5 minutes before their first class. Squall noticed too and together, they gathered their stuff and headed for the sixth floor where therapy class awaited.

Arriving there just in time, Oni and Squall took their seats and prepared themselves for another boring lecture. Oni pulled out her notepad and began to write her poem again. Squall did the same and decided to try and write a poem as well. Now, what to write? He thought about it for a minute, not really coming up with anything. So he went with a different approach. He would close his eyes and whatever was the first thing he thought about, he would write about. Slowly letting his eyelids drift shut, he let his thoughts take control and the "incident" in the activity room came back to him. He saw Oni and her fire deep eyes that reflected so little, but yet so much. At that moment, he thought of something and he put it on paper.

I see what you don't see,

What you see isn't me.

Tear away this mask of mine,

And see what none can see.

See what is…me.

Where did that come from? He looked down at the words and read them again then turned to Oni who was still writing words on her page and scratching them out. Yes, a mask. That's what Oni had. She seemed to be hiding behind a wall that keeps her emotions bottled deep within her mind. With all those feelings hidden, no one can see who she really is. That's how he was and still is. It was because of this that she left to "live as normal people do". Is it possible that Oni has suffered something similar? The true question was, how similar?

Squall decided that was enough deep thinking for one day and he put the notepad away and leaned back in his chair shutting his eyes. What seemed like 10 minutes later, a light hand on his shoulder woke him from his light sleep. He sat up somewhat abruptly and looked to see that the hand belonged to Oni. For a moment, they just looked at each other, but Oni then moved her hand away and headed for the door. Squall stood from his seat and now noticed that class was over.

Together, they headed for lunch where Toki was once again waiting for them.

She came bounding over from her seat to where the roommates were standing with an over excited smile on her face. She stopped in front of them, then grabbed on to the side of Squall's pants and the edge of Oni's shorts before looking up at them and speaking. "Hi Oni, hi Squall. Come sit with us!" The little girl tugged on both roommates clothing and "pulled" them over to the table where Toki put Oni on her right and Squall on her left. Toki herself sat down in between them on the actual table and put her feet on the bench. "We were just talking about this years Christmas celebration! I know it's pretty far away, but I still like talking about it. I mean, it's only four months." The girls face was full of happiness until she turned to look at Oni and her features took on a pained expression before quietly asking, "Your coming,…right Oni?"

At first Oni didn't answer and a sudden sadness went through Toki's innocence eyes. Oni seemed to be lost in her own world of thinking and the silence dragged on. Lightly, Toki tugged on Oni's arm with the sad look now taken over her features completely.

"Oni?" The young girl tried to get the attention of the older woman, but Squall really didn't think that Oni was going to answer. But little Toki just wouldn't give up. "Please Oni. That was so long ago. Please, go to the party. Won't you Oni?"

Red eyes slowly turned to look at the tiny child and Squall could just barely see a trace of pain in them. It was obvious, that this party brought back bad memories for Oni as well. What could have happened to make Toki say "That was so long ago"? What was long ago?

Finally, Oni lifted her hand and placed it on Toki's that was lying on her arm and simply said, "Maybe." before letting her rose-colored gaze fall back to the table.

Toki let go of Oni's arm and some of the sadness left her, but there was still a trail of unhappiness in her face from Oni's answer. But she let the answer suffice and then turned to Squall with renewed spirits.

"What about you? You're going to come to, right Squall?"

Squall looked at the tiny girl for a second, not really sure on what to say. He had never really liked parties either and would actually prefer avoiding them. Mostly because it was where he had met her. "I don't really like parties."

Toki face regained its pained look and she tried to persuade him. "Why not? There's going to be food, music, games, singing, and dancing."

Dancing. Somewhere in the past two years without her, he had stopped liking dancing of any kind. It reminded him of her so much that it made him angry. He still remembered that day back when he saw her standing there and she walked over to him and asked him to dance. Their dance had once held meaning for him, but now dancing only served as a reminder of his anger and pain.

Not one to be easily turned down, Toki tried again. "Plus, that night after the party, you're allowed to make one wish on the star atop the Christmas tree. Then, you open the present that your roommate bought you and keep it by you all night. If you do, then your wish will come true." Toki's eyes seemed to shine as she talked of the Christmas Eve tradition that took place every year at The Ocean's Shore, but her face quickly returned to normal and she added on quickly, "Besides, everyone has to dress up and you'll get to see me in the dress that Oni's going to make for me!"

Oni nodded her head at the little girl who was smiling at her with true admiration. It truly was amazing how much Toki treated Oni as a sister who was like anyone else. How odd it was to watch them interact with each other everyday the way blood sisters would.

Oni rose from the table to get her food and this time, Squall rose as well and followed her to get his own. Both of them got their trays and headed back to Toki's table where the little girl was whispering to her friends about something that was obviously funny, for all the children giggled right after that. But as soon as Squall and Oni approached the table, all the kid quieted down and stopped their giggling. Oni was the first to set down her tray and she saw Toki's attempt to hide the laughter threatening to burst.

The nineteen-year-old woman Squall was sharing a room with, looked at Toki with her always-silent expression and emotionlessly asked her, "What are you finding so funny?" Her crimson eyes would have boar holes through anyone else, but Toki just smiled a mischievous smile and waved off Oni's question.

"Nothing!"

Oni looked at the girl out of the corner of her eye for a moment, but then turned back to her tray of food and began to eat various items here and there. Squall also looked at the smiling child for a moment, but turned to his tray as well.

Toki hopped off of the table and went bounding off to the double doors calling over her shoulder, "I'll see you guys later, I've got to get ready for my classes! Bye!!!" With that, the tiny girl ran through the double door towards the elevator.

Squall watched her leave and then dumped out the rest of the food on his tray before returning to his seat next to Oni. She did the same with her tray and then proceeded to the exit of the Lunch Room with Squall silently trailing behind. Making their way to the room on the ninth floor, the silent pair entered the darkroom and Oni shut the door.

Squall guessed that it was "free time" again and he plopped down on his bed and pulled out his notepad where his new poem was written. He read it again and decided that he kind of liked it. After about an hour of just sitting there not really doing anything, Oni rose from her position on her bed and went to the door to leave. Squall rose as well, not having anything else to do.

The pair went outside where they saw Toki again and talked to her for a little while. In the time that they were talking, Oni agreed with Toki that she would take the measurements for Toki's dress on Saturday this weekend so that she could get started on it. The dress would take her at least two and a half months to finish because of all the details that would be included and the amount or material needed.

With the date for Toki's dress measurements set, the roommates returned to their room to stay for the remainder of the day. Squall sat quietly and said nothing while Oni began to prepare dinner as she had the night before. They both ate the meal, which consisted of chicken, rice, and mashed potatoes. Squall found it to taste very good and was surprised that Oni could cook so well. He guessed that she had gotten lessons from Mollia or had maybe even taught herself. Which ever it was, the meals were good and he was sure he could get used to them.

As they sat in silence, eating their meals, Squall's thoughts drifted to the discussion with Toki about the Christmas party at lunch. He remembered Oni's reaction to Toki asking her to go and curiosity plagued him once again. He never use to be so curious, but he guessed that it was a habit he had picked up from her at some point.

Looking at Oni while she ate her food, Squall found himself asking her his question before he even knew he did.

"That Christmas party," Oni lifted her head at hearing his words. "When is it?"

Oni took another bit of her chicken, chewed it up, and them swallowed before answering. "Christmas Eve. It always starts at 6 pm and goes until 12 pm."

Squall nodded and looked back down at his food. Twirling his fork in his mashed potatoes, he dared to ask his next question. "You…never go?"

At that question, Oni put down her fork all together, but not in an annoyed fashion. She simply laid it on her napkin and look over at him with seemingly glowing eyes. He could tell that she was debating on whether or not to tell him, but after a moment, she decided to go ahead.

"I always use to go." Her voice was a low but still powerful and it gave her words a strange heaviness. "But…I haven't gone in two years." She didn't move after saying this, but instead remained still, waiting for his answer.

Squall now put down his fork and looked over at her silent face. He let the silence in the air hang, not really knowing what to say. He was never good at having conversations and now was no exception. Searching for something, anything, that would not sound rude or heartless, Squall decided on a simple phrase.

"Toki wants you to go pretty badly, doesn't she?"

A slight nod was given before Oni spoke any words. "She's been pushing for me to go for a while. She just doesn't see…why I stopped going, I suppose."

The words that he received caused a strange feeling to settle in her features. It was the first time he had ever seen a slight uncertainty in her. Obviously, her reason for not going was painful.

"I'm not one for parties either." The thought of her made his voice go lower and his eyes fall to his plate. Oni turned her head slightly to look at him, this man who now shared her room with her.

"But" Squall lifted his head to listen to Oni's next words. "I know that going will make Toki happy and perhaps…" Oni's voice lowered to a powerful whisper as she uttered her next words, "this time…it will be different."

Squall felt a weight in her words. This was the first time she had ever shared something even slightly personal. It gave him just a little more knowledge on who Oni was and what she had been through. He wondered if going to the party would also be "different" for him. Maybe…he would go to the party. Just maybe.

Oni rose from the table, not saying anymore than what she already had. Washing her plate off in the sink, she walked to her nightstand and pulled off all her rings along with her necklace and watch, obviously preparing for bed.

Deciding to do the same, Squall walked over to his bed and pulled off his white T-shirt followed by his shoes, socks, and pants. With only his boxers left, Squall pulled the covers all the way back along with the sheet. The window was wide open to air out the small room, but the heat refused to dissipate.

He simply flopped on the mattress that emitted a slight creak at his added weight. He closed his eyes and brought his fingers up to his Griever necklace that was cool against his sweat slick skin. Turning his head to the side, he could see Oni on the other side, slipping her bra out from under her shirt and discarding her pants.

Oni climbed into her own queen-sized bed but left the comforter at the end and lay only covered by her sheet. After flicking off the light by her bed, she rolled over and closed her eyes to survive the nightmares that were bound to come.

Feeling the heat bring a new film of sweat to cover his body, Squall stayed lying on his back with his head turned towards Oni's side of the curtain. How could she sleep in this intense heat without tossing and turning? He guessed that she was just used to it.

For the tired Commander, sleep was just the doorway to the dream that plagued him time and time again. He hoped that eventually the dream would leave him, but at this point, why did it even matter? He was better off here than at Balamb where everything reminded him of her.

He shut his eyes, hoping to drift to sleep and forget about the waves of heat that seemed to be rolling through the room. But after about a half an hour, Squall found that he couldn't escape into sleep and instead, rose out of his bed to get a glass of water. He tried to mask his steps as much as possible, not wanting to wake up Oni, and headed for the small kitchen.

Opening up the cabinet, the sweat-drenched Squall grabbed a glass and turned to the refrigerator. Rummaging through the few things within it, he grabbed a jug of water and proceeded to pour himself some. Grabbing a few ice cubes from the freezer, the former Commander leaned against the counter while gulping down his ice water.

Slowly, Squall cast a glance towards Oni who had drifted to sleep effortlessly. He walked out from behind the counter and sat down in a chair at the small table that was not very far from where Oni was resting. For some reason, Squall found that he could not lift his gaze from her form sleeping silently. Such a strange woman she was and perhaps that was the reason he sought to understand her better.

Through the dim light of the room, Squall's trained eye saw a sudden flinch in her features and she rolled over to lie on her back. His blue eyes noticed the heavy increase in her breathing and the small beads of sweat that rolled off her tan forehead.

Rising from his seat, he took cautious steps towards her bed but kept his eyes glued to her face as if he were waiting for something to happen. Oni's breathing continued to be heavy and the sweat continued to cling to her skin. Then, almost too silent to hear, Squall watched not even a foot away from her bed as she knitted her brow and mumbled inaudible words.

Moments passed and nothing more happened and Squall figured that it was just the heat. Silently, he reached towards her; to pull back the covers so she wouldn't be so hot, but just as he did something did happen.

From her tightly shut eyes, something fell down her cheeks and moistened the pillow her head was resting on. No sounds came from her lips and no movement was made. And Squall just stood there watching her.

As crystal tears fell, Squall realized, she was crying.

"I can't help the falling of my secret tears"