Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ What's Meant To Be ❯ Prologue: Reason ( Prologue )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Prologue Title: Reason

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, although I wish I owned Final Fantasy but...sigh...and 'Reason' belongs to the cool Hoobastank who unfortunately I don't own either.

I'm not a perfect person

As many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

Lazily watching the plain white bedroom ceiling, Rinoa kicked her legs up to her chest as she watched in boredom. Everybody were in classes. She'd eventually come to an unfitting personality decision to stay here with Squall. She would live in Garden by their rules, but not become one of them. She tilted her head slightly, feeling the fabric of her bed sheets against her silky ebony strains, sliding past each other so smoothly...mumbled something to herself, her eyes snaking the clock on her bedside table in just a moment, only 40 seconds had passed since she last looked. She always felt sick to a certain extent, because of him of course, another uncharacteristic Rinoa quality that had taken hold of her. Sometime had changed since the defeat of Ultimecia, many things had changed in fact. The nervousness never really fell but she always somehow turned out to be the giggly confidence oozing popular girl she was when he was around, maybe because that's all he really knew her as but whatever the reason. The fear of doing something embarrassing in front of Squall was just too much of a nightmare. Or even just saying something he despised or didn't feel comfortable with. Quivering at the very thought she turned over and released her legs to fall back so she could lie comfortably.remembered when her and Squall had decided to start a real relationship and how happy she'd been, she was even more crazy than Selphie back then. And she could even wake up in a good mood, listening to her favourite pop CD's, getting ready for a day with thinking about Squall, spending time with Squall, kissing Squall, loving Squall. Even if the music was against the regulations, it'd wake up the students for their lessons wouldn't it!? That was her excuse any way.'d dance about, and enjoy the sudden security she felt when her and Squall first became official. Somehow, the joyful mornings and dancing had disappeared and she and Squall weren't so shy any more. If anything, it had turned into agony. The relationship wasn't dieing but she no longer felt bubbly in his absence any more. In fact, she used to cry and become depressed. She wasn't usually a sad person but she found it hard to hide the sorrow she felt, especially from herself. She didn't understand it at first, and really she still didn't.course she suppressed this side of her brilliantly and got on with her life. That was the most difficult thing, they both had separate lives and...even if she could except it, she still couldn't make herself feel happy about it. She'd thought of walking away very briefly, than hit herself so hard for even the contemplation. She couldn't feel great not seeing him all the time, but walking away entirely would destroy her.vague memories of a year ago when they met, over a year now in fact. She was so different then, she was a girl and naturally did all the girly things, cried over boyfriends and drooled over hot popularities. It was the teenage lifestyle but now she was different, too different to remember how she felt all that time ago.around Garden she'd sometimes get the odd comment about Squall, "You'll have more luck taking to a wall" and other even meaner suggestions about Squall's withdrawn personality, she didn't care what they all said, she knew him, they didn't. Or at least she hoped she knew him. He was a puzzle for her at the beginning, she was so fascinated with the fact that a guy could really be that depressed and withdrawn that he just constantly sulked all the time around people, he wasn't embarrassed to not join in with everyone and be a joker, that's all she wanted to be, well sometimes when it suited her. Squall was sometimes too awkward to make utterly strong speeches and too thoughtful to ever really have a laugh, of course he'd changed. More than she could ever have hoped for.more than anything, he'd said something quite strange that had concerned her, even if it was her fault... "I will try...I'm so sorry..." He'd said. She hadn't understood him but soon figured that they'd had an argument only an hour before the comment, well she'd shouted at him and he'd stood there and looked at her with huge sweet innocent eyes. About how he sometimes just walked away from her, in utter solitude, she usually didn't mind it. If it was his way of sorting his head than he could go straight for it but that day she snapped, a different side of her surfaced and it was the bitch side, the attention grabbing side of her that she thought surfaced just too much...couldn't understand why he wouldn't talk to her about anything, and although sometimes she did pester him about the subject he'd always shimmy out of the conversation somehow. When he turned to walk away that day, when his back hit her vision, Rinoa's heart tensed so tight in her chest. She didn't want to be shut out any more. The calm side of her realised he had social problems and that he dealt with things differently but...she felt so useless. Every time she watched his back and his fleeing steps, even if he hadn't meant it this way, she was pushed out further. She'd told him that it wasn't healthy, that he needed to talk to her and he'd continued to watch her with glazed eyes.after he'd said he was sorry and that he'd try which was what confused her. She hadn't meant to be so forward in the first place and certainly didn't want to make him feel like he had to tell her things, or make up lies to please her any way. That's definitely not what she wanted and she hated herself for shouting at him, she'd been waiting for him to slowly and completely come out of his shell and she'd just shot him in the arm, only scaring him back into it.heavily she leaned up trying to brush the heavy thoughts out of her head but it didn't work. Resting her hands behind her back as to support her in her new position she began to stare vacantly out of the window, the sun streaming in. The beach in the distance and the long cool blue of the ocean, the fresh air here was great. She'd become accustomed to the dirty smoky air of Deling City and Timber in her younger years but here it was so clear and nice. Being on an island away from all real industrial civilisation had its peaks, turning her head to the cloak again she fell back on the bed in aggravation. Only 3 minutes had passed.

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is youtapped his pencil on the desk, mostly covered with several important legal papers Headmaster Cid had asked him to arrange and proof read for him. Squall's head was else where, he would usually work without any resistance, he wasn't a lazy guy. He could see Rinoa being in this seat now and playing around with the seat adjustments and than when the Headmaster got back she would make up a long story about every contract. He would never do that but today he felt somehow distracted. There was nothing logical he could think of, the new confidence he'd built around Rinoa was quite a dramatic change but somehow it had just happened, after he'd seen the hurt in her eyes that day he'd feared she'd walk away, she'd leave him behind broken. So he'd changed, he even liked the new him. He'd introduced to Rinoa sides she'd never anticipated he had, and it wasn't insulting, he blamed himself. He hadn't really changed himself as a person, just opened himself up. She'd apologised several times that day...none of them he'd accepted, just laughed lightly and told her not to worry but she would any way, he knew that. was getting no where with just sitting here and waiting for something to happen. He knew that nothing was going to happen, his concentration was just somewhere else. He couldn't help his mood swigs just like any other teenager. He couldn't stand hurting her...he was her knight after all.still hadn't approached that conversation with any real seriousness, he'd figured she'd like to forget the minor detail about her still being a sorceress with Adel's, Edea's and Ultimecia's power. Yet he knew that the conversation only brought back her own fear of people hating her and fearing her, treating her different. She knew that her friends hadn't changed their perspective of her but several members of Garden now avoided her and Rinoa wasn't an idiot. He couldn't stop that from happening but he had vowed to be her knight and where he could he would protect her, even if it cost him his life.hated just the idea of hurting her and he couldn't tell her this, he couldn't tell her so many things he wished he could. So he'd told her about a song called 'Reason' which expressed everything he wanted to say at that moment, he couldn't stand hurting her, that was what had made him feel really bad lately. Knowing he couldn't give into self pity he opened up to her, he showed a different side and things had never been better. It was true he couldn't stand to walk away or even watch her walk away, even if it was for a couple of hours but sometimes it was so hard. It was only possible to do it because he knew he would see her again, and she felt the same way whether he realised it or not. He hated himself for hurting her by turning away and not telling her things and that was changing, quicker than either had really anticipated but it was great...his head violently, his brown bags swaying back into the unruly nature style, he concentrated his gaze on the papers. If he got them out the way then he could see her quicker, so he hoped any way...

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is You [x4]watched as the CD behind the plastic screen, framed with silver metal, began to spin rapidly. The screen displaying numbers of track lengths and placements. She clicked the play button impatiently and slouched back to the bed, collapsing clumsily on it. A single piano key played continuously, the drums came in on the forth beat and then the strumming of the guitar strings. Rinoa breathed in slowly and began to sing the song. 'Reason'. Maybe it did sound terrible coming from her throat but the volume was too high for anyone to hear any way. The sweet lyrics slipping from her lips as she watched the wall again, looking so distant, strangely melancholy, maybe she should join one of the Garden classes. It would be a lot interesting and distracting compared to sitting in her bedroom missing Squall without a thing anyone to express her feelings to, even then there was no one else but Squall that she wanted to express herself to. The strain of actually singing when her throat was already hurting from crying, from the gasps and tensing of the muscles. laid back and stared at the ceiling again. She wasn't even in the mood to count the minutes in which it would take for a member of Garden staff to come in and tell her to turn it down, or a student because they were studying. Rinoa never understood that, how could any one study? Sure, she did it occasionally, when she went to a little private school her father paid greatly for but she never really gained a lot out of it. Still, it was their education not hers, she still disagreed that the principles Garden students had to follow sucked, hence her non-uniformed body and lazily lying...true reason why she wasn't enthusiastic about this song any more was because she'd listened to it too many times and she still found it hard to contemplate Squall feeling this was. She understood it but wished she didn't, she accepted that Squall felt down a lot of the time but on her half, that kicked off the sickness in her stomach too. Squall had introduced the band to her and suggested she should listen to there stuff and pay close attention to their lyrics. He'd pointed out this song several times and made a good point about her listening to it. She had caught on to the fact that Squall related himself to the lyrics strongly but she was too embarrassed to comment on the song at first. It was sweet, so very sweet and when she finally figured out it perfectly slotted into their lives she decided to make a job of just leaving him a lone when he did go off in solitude. It wasn't rare now, but it wasn't frequent either and she was happy with that.was trying and he'd changed for her, all he had to do was ask she would change but actually finding something he didn't like about her would be hard because he never commented on stuff like that. Probably a good thing to because she'd scratch his eyes out if he wasn't careful and constructive with his comments. Even through this strange sorrow she was feeling while alone, without him around, wondering whether he missed her just as much.was happy, she truly wouldn't change a thing about her life at the moment. Life was undoubtedly going to take a turn soon because things were really a little too perfect. She had great friends and she had her knight, Squall. That's all she needed.a strange ringing caught Rinoa's attention, even over the loud music she was playing, she jumped for a moment, unsure why she leant up and looked at the phone on her bedside table with a framed photo of her and Squall. He didn't look comfortable and in fact looked pretty set on running away but somehow Rinoa's tiny arms held his waist tight enough, even if he did put on a scared expression. She quickly grabbed for the phone and ran over to the CD player hitting the power button panicking slightly that she'd miss the call, even if the phone was in hand. Having something to distract her when she was on the phone was one of the many tings that really aggravated Rinoa. A sudden echoing silence took her room and she pressed the green phone button on the hand set and place it to her ear in a swift hand motion...
"Hello?" She questioned sweetly and yet seeming strong.
"Hello, is this Sorceress Rinoa?" A bold unfamiliar man's voice questioned with no friendly tone in return to Rinoa's sweet one.deadly silence lasted too long. Rinoa didn't want to reply to the comment but knew it would be impolite not to say anything, she was arrogant at times but this man seemed very stern I the fact that he was talking to the sorceress and no one would prank her, she'd burn them alive. Or so the stereotypical rumour went among the immature receivers of gossip. Her eye brows knitted deeply and she replied in the same monotone to match his...
"Yes..." She paused. "May I ask why?" She now regretted not asking that question before she'd admitted she was Rinoa.newly familiar sickness in her stomach burned at the back of her throat as she knew something was wrong, the man was taking his time and obviously wanting to use his words very carefully. It wasn't that he was afraid, she could feel he wasn't but he there was some kind of concern with how he worded what he was about to say...
"...Yes..." Was the simple reply and so he continued.

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to knowand the urge again to tell her, tell her that he loved her. He was almost smiling as he paced down the corridor towards her dormitory, he liked being so openly happy and relaxed with their relationship. He didn't know how he'd done it but he had changed successfully, for her. Rinoa had accepted the song and realised his feelings but didn't 100% believe that he'd changed not to the extent where it seemed he was an completely new person any way...and he could see she loved it, hell, he loved it. round a bend in the corridor he realised something odd, there was no complaining students outside Rinoa's door knocking fruitlessly today, neither could he hear any loud music blasting through out into the air he was listening to. Just the birds in the trees and the gentle breeze, it was slightly unsettling in fact but he decided to dismiss his suspicious, he wasn't even suspicious yet. Sometime at the back of his mind was clawing to become a suspicious. His eye brows deepening as he reached the door, he couldn't hear anything. She didn't even have the T.V. on. Anxiety raising a little higher he raised his fist to knock on the door...

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is yousudden knock at the door startled her, she still had the phone in hand and had been staring at it in anger and worry. Breathing in deeply she threw the phone to a side, quickly rubbing away the tears, blackening her cheeks from the running mascara. and shaking her arms about as if to brush off the sickness she was feeling, the confusing various emotions flooding into her all at the same time. All she felt like doing was crying this all out, she needed to tell Edea and she hoped that it was Edea at the door. Their sorceress lesson was due today and Rinoa was suppose to be at the Quad now so many she'd come to check. Somehow convincing herself it would be Edea she hurried to the door to see a worried sincere set of blue orbs, glazing as they met her tear stricken face. He was early off. For what seemed like ages they just looked at each other and she didn't know how to explain what she'd just been informed of.didn't really have a choice in the matter but she knew he wouldn't see it that way, not deep down any way. Even if he told her that it was her decision and her decision alone...she knew he'd hate her for letting it happen, for allowing them to take her away...
"Rinoa..." He managed to breath.
"Squall..." She looked down briefly than back up to his eyes, he stepped closer as she clutched the handle on the inside of the door, leaning against the door frame with her hip.
"I can't act..." She laughed lightly.
"I know." Squall murmured back. Something was wrong and although something inside knew he should hesitate more because the chance was it was going to be something he'd regret knowing about, something that would push him back into the void he used to live in so easily, somewhere he didn't want to go back to. She turned around letting her hand slip from the handle and her body push away from the frame, her idea of an invitation inside, he understood.slowly stepped inside, watching her back as she stepped into her bedroom and sat down clumsily. He turned and pushed the door close, treasuring this moment of the minimum tension, staring at the woodwork of the door. Then he turned back to her... Her soul seemed dampened and he couldn't recognise her the way he did the Rinoa he saw this morning over breakfast in the cafeteria. He hated seeing her sad, or hurt. Her eyes trailed down over the floor and her posture so loose, the tears building up freely in the corners of her eyes. She didn't even seem fazed by the building salt water, just kept staring without a blink...hadn't sorted this out in her own head yet and she had no idea how to even say what the man on the phone had said. It was too hard to even quote his words but...
"We need to...um...talk..." The seriousness felt awkward even for Rinoa. She hated it.
"I guessed." Still standing, lingering in the door way watching the dark haired beauty sit in unexplained misery. Now he had acquired the sickness in his stomach.
"...I have to leave..." She said only just above a whisper, her voice breaking on the last syllable. She gulped than looked further down, her eyes now on her feet.couldn't process it, he kept staring. There were too many questions to why and how and where. They were so great now, why now!? He didn't flinch though...didn't make a move...didn't say a thing...
"I have two months though." She smiled with as much enthusiasm as she could muster which was close to nothing. Taking in a long shaky breath, all she wanted was for him to ask something, say something, just anything.last thing she wanted him to think was that she was walking away from him purposely, she would never do that. She physically couldn't do it, she was useless and weak without him. She'd fall into self pity so quickly. It would never be the same without him around, she couldn't stand that thought, it was too horrible and yet...she was going to have to now...
"Esthar want me to..." She choked for a moment. "Go to stay with Doctor Odine to remove the sorceress powers of Ultimecia and Adel. Apparently they found out some way of doing that..." She shrugged and finished her sentence with a bitter tone. "And you know I have to go, I can't be a danger to this garden...I don't know to control these powers, you know that. What if something goes wrong, I could kill everyone here within an instant. So I have to go..."she couldn't hear her own words. Even if they were true and sensible, she hated the truth... Slowly but surely he nodded his head...
"...How long will the process take and how the hell are they going to it?" He simply stated.
"...It takes two years in total...basic hypnotic stuff with some more developed accessibilities...I'll be in a trance for that long...I don't know all the details and...when I go you can come for the briefing if you want..."nodded again, very slowly... Somehow he couldn't fight the selfish sensation inside him bubbling over and so he turned to walk away...
"I love you..." She called out to him pleading. The desperation and hurt recognisable in her voice tone.stopped in his strides and heard her movement from the bed and steps towards him. He turned his head to see her standing by him. She leaned up and kissed him lightly, holding the lips to his for somehow an eternity. He reluctantly pulled his arms up and around her and she wrapped hers around his waist. Resting her head against his chest she heard his heart beating strongly and yet steadily...
"I love you too." He whispered...
"I'll let you go..." She sniffed and pulled away, not waiting for him to feel bad about having to leave the embrace they were sharing...nodded in understanding and kissed her forehead, fighting back tears of his own...
"We both need to think..." Rinoa said strongly, somehow more independently than she'd meant. She wanted to cry, and she couldn't do it in front of Squall. If he saw how much this was tearing her up inside, they'd be no way he'd let her go. He'd fight anyone who came for her if he had to...or at least that's what she feared would happen if I she showed her emotion.
"Right..." That felt like the old Squall, simple, one word answers and old monotone.tried to hold back the tears again, hearing him say that like the way she'd fear. She wanted to drop down to her knees and cry, she couldn't stand the thought of him crawling back into that horrible void, it was so hard to reach him before, she wouldn't let him do that to himself. Without another word he was out the door, the click of the handle as he turned it only made her eyes watch him. He didn't turn back though, he went straight away. As soon as the door was closed she fell...

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you
"She can't leave..." He sobbed. up against his wall, on the floor he held his head grinding his teeth together. He never cried, except for when he was younger and Sis walked away. This was just like that. He couldn't let her go. But who was he to interfere with what she wanted. It was her decision, he just couldn't stand the thought of her walking away...how having her there with him. He couldn't stand waling away from her normally, he couldn't walk away for that long...he didn't trust Odine, he didn't trust he'd let her come back. He didn't trust Odine would do the right thing. I...changed for you...because I love you...please don't leave...please ... He sobbed a little bit more before just watching into space, unable to even sleep.was too much to think about, to plan out...what the hell was he thinking, all he wanted now was Rinoa...yet she'd said that they both needed to think. She appreciated the fact that they needed time but he didn't want it any more. He looked at a cloak above his bed, the time was 12:43. How many hours had he been sat here crying? Was she sleeping peacefully? Why was she accepting this as her duty, she could control it...he knew she could...he was being selfish again...it was her decision, only this time he was desperate to step in the way...crawled up into a foetal position on her bed continued to cry... "I love you Squall...so much...but...everything will be ok..." She laughed lightly to herself, still feeling the need to cry. "I'm coming back, so why am I crying...?" If this didn't work she knew Esthar would keep her... There's too much on this...she couldn't think straight...

Author's Note: Man, this is my first fan fic...I'm not sure I wanna put it out to all you people because you'll all hate it but I really wanted to write about this situation because of personal stuff that I felt I should write about. But I really would appreciate constructive criticism. Thank you everyone who read this! You're amazing!! Oh yeah, if I get three reviews or comments or emails that I'll write the rest of the story no worries! Thanks again!