Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ When Everything Goes Terribly Wrong in the World of FF7 ❯ Why Tonberries Have a Lamp and Knife ( Chapter 1 )

When Everything Went Terribly Wrong In the World of FF7

 

These are the stories that were kept locked away within the minds of the poor addicts of Final Fantasy 7.

 

 

 

Why Tonberries have lamps and knives. They ain't just fer pokin' folks.

 

 

It was only a couple of days after Sephiroth's defeat (of course everyone was required to get drunk) when Cloud and the rest of the gang decided to celebrate. The day was spent admiring the new world that existed with the absence of Shinra and the threat of Sephiroth. But when night came about, they were able to shed their heroic images and have a normal night on the town of Costa Del Soul.

 

It was almost perfect, except they had nowhere to go. But as always Tifa saves the day (Go Tifa Lovers) bouncing up and down joyfully (-wink wink-).

 

“Look Cloud, a nice little restaurant.” Tifa exclaims

Vincent squeals, “Is it Mexican food?”

“Mexican food will give you the shits.” Cid sighs

“Now we wouldn't want that now would we?” Vincent winks

Yuffie rolls her eyes, “You two are more gay then Cloud's hair style.”

 

Cloud pouts leaving Tifa to pat him sympathetically on the back as he mourns his hair style.

 

As they entered the fine Mexican restaurant Vincent squeaked as he ran into a hanging sombrero. As if on cue the tall handsome host arrives untangling Vincent from his freakishly large hat accident. He takes a moment afterward to survey the group, raising an eyebrow at their appearance.

 

“*ahem* A certain formal dress code is upheld in this restaurant...” He takes a moment to wink exclusively at Cloud and a still very upset looking Vincent. “But for you, I'll make an exception.”

“What about my boy…err friends (yes yes, that's it.).” Vincent motions to the group

The host rolls his eyes sighing, “Fine, they may join you.”

Vincent lets out a high pitched `yay' and hugs Cid delightfully.

“Allow me to seat you.” The host ushers the group to a table.

 

Everyone picks up a menu.

“Um, what should I have?” Vincent winks at Cid

“Maybe something spicy.” Cid smiles

The group pretends not to hear the comment and continues viewing their menus.

 

Finally they decide what they want and Tifa waves her hand to the waiter. The waiter approaches them and asks to take their order. Each person gives their selection to the waiter, Cloud naming enough entrees for four people oblivious to the shocked stares around the table.

 

About thirty minutes of Cloud whining about his hunger pains, a huge table of food is wheeled out to the heroes. (We are the pixel heroes whoa! Remember Cartoon Heroes anyone?) Yuffie, being the closest one to the table, passed everyone their plates. Upon receiving their dinner, each person realizes that something is missing. Of course, Cloud fails to notice until his third plate.

 

“'ey! Whash da `ell?” Cloud exclaimed spitting chunks of food all over anyone close enough. “'Ears da wrest?”

“Don't you have enough there blondie?” Cid raised an eyebrow.

“Something's missing from mine too!” Vincent cried.

 

Immediately, everyone turned their gaze to Yuffie, who was innocently chewing on a taquito.

 

“Heeeey guys…what?” Yuffie smiles at the sea of unhappy looks.

“Why is our food missing?” Tifa points to the obviously missing enchiladas that were supposed to be sitting in the center of her plate.

“Well, you see the thing is..” She paused at the angry looks. “Okay, okay. I had to take something, I couldn't get to your materia.”

 

Returning all the food (Yes, in a video game world, its possible to return food that was stolen, without a big mess or stained pockets.), she pouts as she continues her taquito munching. Taking a moment to poke her chicken enchilada, Tifa shrugs and proceeds to take a nice little bite. Now, when you're eating a properly made enchilada, you don't normally find something crunchy and copperish tasting. Spitting out the piece of food, she gags and calls over the waiter.

 

“What in the name of Jenova is THAT?! I want to see your cock!”

“Excuse me?!!” The waiter to a step back

“I mean your cook, your cook!!” Shifty eyes

The waiter scoffed at her outburst. “Ma'am, I assure you, there is nothing wrong with that dish.”

Tifa stood and pounded a fist into the table, splintering it. “Now!”

 

Stepping back with a trademark anime sweat drop on the side of his face, he nodded and led her to the kitchens. Tifa pushed open the double doors, shocked to find the room drowned in darkness. Why weren't any lights on? Blinking, she tried to focus her eyes, finding a glimmer of light on the other side of the kitchen. Tifa squinted more, walking towards the flickering light. Upon reaching this light she spotted a small hooded man.

 

“Excuse me sir, are you the cook?” The hooded man nodded and Tifa continued her complaint. “Well
I found something weird in my food, and I think that if you had a little more light you'd be able to see what the hell you're doing.”

The little man turned to her hopping off his high stool. We waddled slowly over to her and pulled back his hood revealing what he really was.

“Tonberry!!!” Tifa screamed

The Tonberry took another step toward her, his lamp dangling and the knife shining in a dangerous position.

 

Cloud ran into the kitchen wielding the ridiculously big fucking sword of his upon hearing Tifa's scream.

“What happened, what's going on?” Cloud shook his head from to side (yes he over looked the Tonberry with the lamp in the dark << >>) “Where the hell are the lights.”

“Cloud be careful!!” Tifa shouted backing away

“Of what? I can't see anything.” Cloud walks forward past Tifa

All the sudden he ran into something…something…sharp and fell over making a huge thumping noise. The rest of the heroes came to see what was taking so long.

“Where are all the goddamn lights!!” Barret shook his fist

“Here” Vincent flipped the switch and behold the group saw a Tonberry move faster than they thought possible. The little hooded, but cute, creature scurried to the meat locker.

“Damn that was a fast little Tonberry!” Cid exclaimed while puffing on a cigarette

“Where's Cloud?” Yuffie asked

Tifa pointed down to the ground, “KOed, I guess we better revive him.”

“No, let the kid sleep, he deserves it after eating his food and mine.” Cid turned with Vincent following

“Will you pick him up Barret?” Tifa asks batting her eyelashes

“Don't worry everybody; I'll get him he doesn't weigh that much…just get the sword for me.”

Barret nodded picked up the humongous sword and left.

“Are you sure you don't need any help Yuffie?” Tifa cocked her head to the side

“No, I'm good.” Yuffie smiled brightly

 

The young ninja waited till Tifa left and walked over to Cloud.

“Now your materia is mine!” Yuffie went through Clouds pocket

Suddenly the lights went out and Yuffie felt something…something…sharp and fell over Cloud's body in a 69 position.

“Looks like we have fresh meat for tomorrow's tacos Ben.” One Tonberry squeaked

“Yeah, thank god you put that piece of Reno in her enchilada Larry.”

“Help me pull these heavy fuckers in the back.”

“To bad they didn't leave that sword, it would have made a really nice ornament in our apartment.”

“No, that was just too damn big!”

The two little Tonberry roommates began to pull Yuffie into the meat locker.

 

To Be Continued

 

A/N: I know some of you are like….WTF! But I thought this would be interesting. How they got a piece of Reno…doesn't matter…they're Tonberries. If you guys like this I will update. Please R&R.