FLCL Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ n00b Genesis Evangelion ❯ n00b Graphic Violence Evangelion ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Gendo entered the Eva cage, where Maya was supervising Unit 01's repairs.
"Status of...?" He noticed Unit 01's horn was significantly shorter-- a cable
cutter replaced the blade antenna-- its shoulders no longer mounted wing-like
pylons, clearing the Eva pilot's peripheral vision. "What the hell are you
doing?!" he demanded as the maintenance crew painted the fighting machine olive
drab.

A crewmember began, "Pilot Ikari said the Eva looked gay--"

His coworker pointed at the name now stenciled on Unit 01's shoulders and
forearms. "It's an 'Eviscerator' now."

The first man shrugged. "Whatever. Pilot Ikari said Unit 01 looked gay--"

"And sounds gay. Remember the AVs he showed us?"

"How can I forget? That Eva Angelina," a third crewmember's hands formed cups
as he thought of the porn star's breasts. "Oh! I envy America for having women
that hot!"

"How did he come to possess American AVs?" the brunette wondered.

"His uncle thought they provided sexual education better than the school," the
crewmember replied.

Maya shrugged. "We decided to repaint the Eva-- Eviscerator," the brunette
corrected herself, "to raise the Children's morale."

"But...!" The bearded man whispered, "Purple was Yui's favorite color,"
thinking of his late wife, mother to Shinji and the Evangelions.

A confused Maya said, "I'm sorry, please repeat that, Commander."

Gendo's fist clenched. "I will speak to the Third Children and put him in his
place." He turned and stomped out the Eva cage.

***

N00B GENESIS EVANGELION, Part 3

***

'I got to relax,' Misato thought as she entered the pistol range to work off her
stress. "Shinji-kun?"

"Hey!" A smiling man, wearing an Advanced Combat Uniform (ACU), approached the
tactician. "Are you Doctor Ibuki? Thanks for taking care of my nephew."

"No, Uncle Takeshi. That's Captain Katsuragi, the 'bad cop' to Doc's 'good
cop,'" Shinji corrected.

"Ah, my bad." Major Takeshi Ikari was only five centimeters taller than the
woman, but the US Army Special Forces operator had such presence, he seemed to
tower over Misato.

'So this is Shinji-kun's role model.' "Good morning, Ikari-san." The tactician
began to bow, but stopped when Takeshi raised a hand.

"Just call me 'Talk Shit,' like everyone E6 and above," the soldier joked. E6
was a staff sergeant's pay grade.

"Good morning... Takeshi-san." Misato turned to see the boy boresight the
Insight Tech-Gear M6X Tactical Laser Illuminator mounted under a Heckler & Koch
HK45 Tactical semiautomatic pistol. "That's your survival gun?"

"It's a good weapon: accurate, reliable, with decent stopping power." He caught
the woman's frown. "You don't approve."

"I don't think children should play with deadly weapons," Misato admitted.

The boy raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Eviscerator Unit 01 is not a deadly
weapon?"

"The Evangelion," she emphasized her disapproval of the new name, "was designed
to defend the human race from the Angels, not to kill other humans."

Takeshi began laughing. "What makes you think humans will ever stop killing
each other? Do you seriously believe the UN will never think, 'The Eviscerator
is just what we need to deal with X antigovernment forces in Y country!' and
deploy it?"

Misato began, "NERV will never...!"

"Do you think children should go to school?" Shinji interrupted.

A confused Misato answered, "Yes."

"School is full of things I can use to kill everyone in class." Shinji watched
the woman grow paler as he continued, "Pens and pencils will kill a man if it
reaches the brain via the eye, temple, or ear; if it pierces the trachea or
major arteries; if it reaches beneath the skull to sever the spinal cord;
between the ribs to pierce the heart and lungs. Windows, eyeglasses, and
anything else made of glass: I can break them to make a shiv, and slash away.
Chairs and tables are perfect for fracturing skulls, crushing tracheas, and
collapsing lungs. Shirt sleeves, pant legs, socks, and shoelaces are garrotes.
Bare hands and feet become deadly weapons with training.

"Should we confiscate the children's pens and pencils, making them use crayons?
Put them in a darkened basement with no windows or light bulbs to break? Remove
the chairs and tables, making them sit on the floor? Make the students attend
school naked? Amputate every boy and girl's hands and feet?"

A shivering Misato answered, "I get the point." She turned away as Shinji put
on headphones-- hearing protection was mandatory at indoor ranges-- then the
door slammed open. "Commander!"

Gendo stomped towards his son. "Shinji!" Bang! A spent casing hit his
forehead. "Ow! Hot! Ah! Unhand me!" the bearded man demanded as strong hands
pulled him away from the boy, onto the floor.

"Gendo, you worthless cunt! Are you suicidal, or just stupid?" the soldier
demonstrated why his brother-in-law dreaded him more than all the Angels
combined.

Gendo's hand rose to adjust his sunglasses, only for the broken frame to clatter
onto the floor. "You--"

"You just marched towards a firing lane without clearance from range control--
me!" Takeshi pointed a thumb at himself, like an American; a Japanese person
would use an index finger. "As tempting as it is to let you learn from this
mistake 'the hard way,' I doubt Shinji needs the additional trauma of
accidentally killing his father!" Takeshi was not one to keep his opinions to
himself. He never approved of his sister's choice of a husband-- the man
formerly known as Rokubungi Gendo, adopted the Ikari family's illustrious name
after the wedding-- and he never failed to let Gendo know this.

"I have words for my son--"

"And he doesn't have to listen, considering you practically abandoned him after
Yui-- my sister, in case you forgot, you gold-digging whore-- passed away!"

The bearded man's fist clenched and then loosened. He knew the consequences of
losing his temper-- Takeshi broke Gendo's arm last time-- he couldn't afford to
appear weak before his subordinates. Gendo turned to his son. "I will speak to
you later." He turned and stomped out the room.

Misato covered her face to muffle her laughter and hide her smile. 'That really
made my day.'

Shinji holstered the pistol and turned to see the door slam shut. "Please say
again, Uncle Takeshi." He heard nothing coherent through his headphones.

"Great shooting!" the soldier replied. "Continue to scan your lane," for
targets.

*

SEELE was the secret society controlling the world-- the fate of the human
race-- through its pawns, including the UN and NERV. Despite the awesome power
it wielded, Gendo knew how helpless it was as the SEELE members' holograms faced
him.

"Units 00 and 01's repair costs will consume a nation's entire GDP," gross
domestic product, the market value of all goods and services it produced in a
year.

"And why did you spend 200,000 euros on," a SEELE member turned pages of a file
outside the holographic camera's field of view, "MIL-DTL-53039B, Type II,
Chemical Agent Resistant Coating?"

'Damn the Third Children!' "To camouflage Unit 01 and improve its operational
efficiency in urban warfare," the bearded man unintentionally told the truth.

The SEELE members glared at Gendo. "You need a better excuse than that." "You
reportedly gave that toy to your son. Did you repaint the Eva to appeal to his
aesthetics?" "Lives, time, and money... How much will you and your son spend
before you are finally satisfied?"

"Let Evangelion Unit 01 be." Keel Lorenz, leader of SEELE, looked and felt like
hell. "The Third Children consumes munitions, and the money we spend on
munitions, like junk food, thanks to Mister 'I cannot waste time on an
impossible child, so take him away to the Gun Fetish States of America.' We
licensed the Evangelion designs to toy companies, just to pay telecommunication
companies for these conferences! It will do no harm to make the Eva appeal to
children-- those young enough to point at a toy and say, 'I want one!' and whose
parents are willing to buy it and appease them-- we can use the royalties." He
studied another file. "Let us return to the main topic."

"The Human Instrumentality Project." "The single point of light in the darkness
of the coming trials." "You must not let the project fall behind schedule, at
any cost." "Don't say that!" "Say what?" "'At any cost.' Considering the
impact on our personal finances, we might-- will regret signing a blank check to
him!"

"Enough!" Keel silenced the other members. "Ikari, you and I have passed the
point of no return."

Gendo knew how helpless SEELE was, because he was equally helpless. "I
understand; the human race is running out of time."

***

N00B GRAPHIC VIOLENCE EVANGELION

A 'Neon Genesis Evangelion' story by Sidewinder (aim9snake@hotmail.com), 2009,
revised 2010. Characters created and owned by Bandai, Gainax, Hanna-Barbera,
Hasbro, Production Reed (formerly Ashi Productions), and Takara-Tomy.

***

The bearded man leaned forward, a gargoyle seated atop a cathedral; his
subordinates sprinted to-and-fro Unit 00, like startled birds beneath him.
"Rei, can you hear me?"

"Yes, Sir," the albino answered from the entry plug.

"We will now reactivate Unit 00." With that, 100 hands fluttered upon keyboards
like countless wings, sending power to the Eva.

Kozo watched his commander's fingers straighten and then relax, a nervous tick
few would recognize. "You're tense today, Ikari-kun. Are you concerned for
Rei's safety?"

"The author failed to include the flashback in which I saved Rei's life, burning
my hands in the process," Gendo referred to Episode Five. "He failed to portray
me as a sympathetic character."

"You weren't one to begin with, Mister Child Abuse and Neglect."

"Shut up, Old Man," Gendo growled.

Kozo looked up. "Did you notice the revised disclaimer?"

"It is irrelevant."

"That attitude will result in your death, or worse. The revised disclaimer
suggests this story is now a crossover. We must be prepared for the coming
trials." The subcommander waited a moment before adding, "Ikari-kun, an
unidentified object is approaching-- it might be the Fifth Angel."

"Terminate the test. All hands at Class One alert," the bearded man ordered.
"What is Unit 01's status?"

"Um, Commander, Eviscerator Unit 01 is at Misawa Airbase," Maya replied.

"Sortie the moment it..." Then Gendo remembered where Misawa was. "What?!"

"The Americans are mounting an M65-- what's it called, Automatic Cannon-- on the
Eva. Ikari-kun, your son, ferried the Eva there."

"You stupid bitch! Why didn't you inform me of this?!" the bearded man
demanded.

"We did, but such was your apathy for your son's welfare, you failed to listen
when we reported this at 0855 hours," the subcommander bitterly spat.

If looks could kill, Kozo's intestines would form the noose from which Maya
would hang until dead, dead, dead. "Contact the US military liaison," the
bearded man ordered. "Unit 01 and its pilot must be returned--"

"Is that a Fokker-- what did the Red Baron fly-- Dr.I?" the tactician drew Gendo
and Kozo's attention to the monitor.

The author's note, "Professionals are en route to deal with Ramiel. Stop
harassing the kid," accompanied the three biplanes, a Mark V "booty" tank, and
an Ehrhardt E-V/4 armored car-- weapons that saw service in World War I--
onscreen, approaching the diamond-shaped Angel.

Gendo's fists clenched. "Damn you, Sidewinder."

Kozo ignored the bearded man. "The Dr.I is a triplane; that is a biplane,
likely a D.VII."

"Impossible-- the radar indicates those World War I relics are traveling at Mach
2!" Maya exclaimed. Then the Zeppelin R.VI 'giant' bomber, the Fokker D.VII(F)
fighter, and the armored car transformed into humanoid robots as they approached
Ramiel, Angel of Thunder.

"What the hell are transforming robots doing in this story?!" Misato demanded.

The Junkers J.I ground attack plane became... "A werewolf?" the brunette
wondered when the engine cowling split to reveal a mouth.

The Mark V became... "A crab?" Kozo wondered when the track frames split to
form claws. "It's a unicorn, a symbol of faith and chastity," Gendo said,
pointing to the antitank rifle extending from the transformed tank's head.
"Unicorns don't have that many teeth," the subcommander noted when the robot's
mouth opened to reveal three rows of metal-cutting teeth.

"I am a manticore!" the transformed tank roared, flooding the Command Center
with the fear of death.

"Fangs," the transformed R.VI called to silence the manticore; then the order
"Elites, to me! Unite and form Thunderwing!" was given.

"High-energy reaction detected within the target," Shigeru warned as the
transformed R.VI stepped onto the tank and armored car's heads. "Radically
accelerating... converging..." Then the Angel fired a beam of supercharged
particles at the alien robots, enveloping its enemies with burning light.

"Pathetic," Gendo said, contempt flowing from his voice like blood from a stab
wound.

Maya began, "Um, Commander--"

"Pathetic?" a mechanical voice growled. "You entomb yourself in an underground
fortress-- your Geofront. You rely upon machines-- your Evangelions-- to fight
for you because your frames lack the strength of steel, much less Cybertronian
alloys. And you dare call me pathetic?!" The heat from Ramiel's particle beam
dissipated, revealing the speaker-- a mechanical devil in golden armor, with the
D.VIIF and J.I as arms, the Mark V and E-V/4 as legs-- to infrared sensors
surrounding NERV HQ.

Kensuke, scheduled to perform a 'synchronization test' as Unit 00's reserve
pilot, saw the mechanical devil from a monitor in the control booth. "A
combiner?" he referred to teams of robots that combined to form one of monstrous
size and strength. "Awesome!"

"At least it-- he is unlikely to use nuclear weapons," Kozo deadpanned as the
mechanical devil's weapon fired artillery shells at fractional light speed,
reducing angelic defenses-- including an AT field so powerful, all of Japan was
blacked out in Episode Six to provide the 180 gigawatts needed to pierce it-- to
pulp.

*

Gendo stomped towards a catwalk in Unit 01's cage, which would bring him
face-to-face with the pilot when Shinji exited the cockpit. "Third--"

"Shinji-kun!" "Pilot Ikari." "Ikari-kun!" "Hey, Shinji!" Four people
scrambled out the elevator booth, failing to notice the bearded man before them.

"What the hell were you thinking, leaving us at that mechanical devil's mercy?!"
Misato demanded.

"Did you have prior knowledge of the author's plans?" Rei asked.

"Whoa!" Kensuke drew everyone's attention to the weapon-- resembling a giant
HK45 Tactical-- mounted on Unit 01's right thigh.

"The M65 is unusually large for an automatic cannon," Maya noted.

"Are you kidding? That's an Iowa class battleship's 16-inch gun!"

"The M65 gun-- field artillery, not an autocannon-- has a 280-millimeter, or
11-inch, bore," Shinji corrected.

"Like a pocket battleship's main weapons, or Anzio Annie?" Kensuke used the
Deutschland class cruiser and K5 railway gun's respective nicknames. "That's
still awesome!" The dialogue became muted as the speakers boarded the elevator,
leaving Gendo lying on the catwalk floor.

Kozo sensed anger and hatred so intense, he was obliged to say, "Please cool
down, Ikari-kun," as the bearded man climbed to his feet, "before you fall
victim to spontaneous human combust--" the subcommander was interrupted when
hands closed upon his throat. "Gasp!"

"I'm tempted to draw my pistol and kill everyone here. Do," Gendo's grip
tightened with each word, "not... tempt me." The bearded man pushed Kozo
against a wall, turned, and then stomped out of the cage.

***

To be continued.

Author's notes are below.

***

Thunderwing, a combination of several 'Transformers' and 'Gobots' characters, is
from my 'Transformers Vs Gobots: Storm of Steel' story. If you question my
decision to promote my own work-- again-- I will answer with .45 caliber
bullets. If you're curious why Shinji doesn't fight the Angel of Thunder, for
Misato's plan to work:

1) Ramiel must remain defensive-- abandon any attempt to seize the
initiative-- in the time NERV needs to acquire, transport, and assemble the
JSSDF positron cannon.
2) Japan's power grid must be impossibly efficient and effective to divert
180 gigawatts to the weapon-- assuming the grid is actually able to handle that
much energy, instead of burning out as it likely will in the real world.
3) The weapon and its support systems must be impossibly durable and
reliable, if a near miss from Ramiel's weapon fails to damage or otherwise jam
it.

A skilled tactician will never make a plan rely on such ideal-- unlikely--
conditions.