Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Anata Dake ❯ Anata Dake ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Anata Dake (Only You)

I've watched him from afar for such a long time, that even I begin to wonder at my sanity. Do I have any true beauty of my own? It's gotten so that I hate looking at myself in the mirror, because I know what I will really see. Not the girl that others see - but the real me. This beast that I have inside of me.

When it takes over, it feels like it is sharpening it's claws on my soul. I cry out, but the pain doesn't recede...and there is no one there to help me. I sit in the darkened corner and pray that someone come with a candle.

How long must I wish for something before I can depend on it? My parents don't understand me. They never understood just how deeply my heart is connected to him. I don't think they will.

I have often dreamed of what I would do with him. What things he would show me. Dreams that will never become realized, because I have no courage.

I watch him with her, knowing well that I can never have him. As the denpa's brother said, he wouldn't like me, knowing that I despise someone he cares for. And yet, my heart aches to touch him. To be with him. That is the only reason that I'm alive.

I know that should the goddess of fate turn her eyes upon me with favor, I could never be with him in the same way of my fantasies.

I have put him on a pedestal. But I have made the platform so high that it is unreachable for me. I can keep trying, but I know that my finger will never graze upon even the heel of his shoe.

He deserves to be on a pedestal. His beauty is resplendent, shimmering more brilliantly than the sun. I feel as though I need to hide my face in my hands whenever he passes me in the hallway. My love for him is too heavy for me to bear it with strong shoulders. I can never directly meet his gaze. I have tried and failed miserably, as I realized then that his gaze raked my soul down to my knees.

I feel my own strength failing me, betraying me whenever he is near. He is all I can think of, all I can speak of. I ignore my parents as much as I can because we do not speak the same language anymore. They are not fluent in what has become my native tongue.

Will he end up with her? This thought makes me feel sick. I can't bear the thought of him with anyone else but me. And I know that I can never be with him.

In my dreams, he wants to be with me, only me. And as good as that sounds to my heart - I know that I could never be with him. I want to be with him, but I am unworthy of his affection. I know that I am unworthy of him. I want him to remain on the pedestal. If I were with him, it would push him off of the pedestal. I wouldn't want to live, knowing that I was the one that brought him down to my level.

And yet, I don't want him with anyone else either. It would tear at my heart, making it impossible for me to keep my sanity. Knowing that his lips were brushing against someone else's skin. I couldn't possibly bear that!

Not wanting to be with him, not wanting him to be with anyone else....wanting him to remain himself.

I can taste the blood coming from my lip as I walk away from the pain in my heart, giving in to the blissful feeling of avoidance. I created this cruel dance.

And now, I must dance alone.

A/N You know the standard disclaimer, so I shan't bore you with the details. It applies to this ficling.