Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Beginnings ❯ Chapter 9 ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer:

I have never own fruits basket, except for a three day weekend stint about four months ago. I shan't go into details or the Japanese Society for the Protection of Manga/Anime Characters' Sex Lives will hunt me down and cut off my pinkies and thumbs.

Oh, I have news!!!!!!

Tampa's having its very first con! Metrocon! Yea! I'm thinking about volunteering. Either way though, I'm going to have mad fun at it. Its in July- just four weeks away, baby!

On with the drama. Oh and this is maybe ooc for Yuki. And please, all you dirty minds out there, this isn't DIRTY!

Ahem. And warning: very yuki centric.

Beginnings

Carpetfibers

Chapter 9

"It feels so much warmer here! Ne, Yuki-kun?" Tohru asked as she spun around to face him.

"We are farther inland, Tohru. Dayu doesn't have those sea winds or fogs like Chiyo," Yuki pointed out, a fond smile painted across his lightly tanned face.

Since their arrival at Chiyo, he had yet to cut his hair, which now barely grazed his shoulders. But today, he had it tied back, and was looking as decidedly un-Yuki like as Tohru had ever seen him. He even had traded in his usual silk Chinese style for a pair of slacks and a regular t-shirt. But mostly, what stood out in Tohru's eyes was how very casually he held himself. He no longer permeated a cool exterior, and as she stood next to him, waiting for the crosswalk light to change, she couldn't help but feel that she liked him much better this way.

"Hai, hai, Yuki-kun! Dayu is so different from Chiyo," her voice softened as she added, "But I wish Kyou-kun could have come with us."

Yuki's smile slipped momentarily. The cat had opted to stay behind in Chiyo and miss out on their "holiday" as Tohru had been calling it. The doctor had recommended a change of scenery, if only for a few days, to relieve Tohru's nerves. While it depleted their funds by a large amount, Yuki and Kyou had decided it was a venture worth spending. Kyou hadn't given any real reason for staying behind, and in all honesty, Yuki was more than happy to acquiesce. Still though, Tohru worried about him. She couldn't go more than a few minutes at a time before pointing out something Kyou would have enjoyed, or wondering aloud what he was doing. It was just like her…

"Yuki-kun? The light's changed." Tohru peered up into his distant eyes, and smiled in relief as he refocused, his smile growing in force.

"Then let's go!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her out into the crossing crowd, enjoying the sound of her giggles. The past three weeks had been tense, despite his and Kyou's efforts to make Tohru feel at ease. But she had only grown increasingly pale, frequently stopping from her studying because of headaches. The atmosphere of their little home hadn't helped either. Even Yuki had felt it. There was this undertone of unspoken awareness, and no matter how much Tohru might have wanted to ignore it, reality could not be blinded.

And so, now he and Tohru were spending a weekend in Dayu, a fairly large city a hundred miles or so southwest of Chiyo. Aside from having all the usual perks of any bustling metropolis, Dayu was also fairly well known for its gardens. Over 200 of Japan's most noted gardens held ownership to the city. It was the perfect place to take Tohru. They had already spent that morning touring through the Kisagawa district that held rare cherry tree hybrids. Even though it was not yet time for the trees to bloom, Tohru had been in raptures over the trees.

"Yuki-kun, can we stop for lunch? I'm a little thirsty." Tohru hadn't removed her hand from his grip since the crosswalk, and it was at her small tug that Yuki realized this.

"There's a café- we'll stop there. I'm so used to your good meals, that I'm afraid I'm already hungry." He led her towards the café, signaling to the waiter as they took their seats.

He leaned back in the chair and watched Tohru as she scanned through the menu. It seemed so long ago that she had come into his life. While she had always been cute, it seemed that this cuteness of youth had grown into an older beauty. She didn't even realize it, which added to her appeal. As his hair had grown, so had hers. Her usual style of bangs had grown out that now they fell across her face, framing her eyes, and making her seem older. She, too, had changed her style of dress. Gone were the childish skirts and youthful dresses. Instead, she wore jeans and sweaters. In so little time, they had both changed so much.

"Would anyone even recognize us, now?" Yuki mused aloud.

"Eh?" Tohru looked up from the menu inquisitively.

"Ah, I was just thinking how much we've changed," he explained.

"Changed?" She placed the menu down on the table, food completely forgotten as she considered Yuki's words.

"Yes; changed. Have you looked in a mirror lately, Tohru? You don't look the same anymore- and its not just how you dress or your hair. You look genuinely happy. I can't believe I had ever missed it- the difference between your smiles six months ago and now is fathoms long. You've changed a lot, Tohru."

"I know… I've probably been a bother for you and Kyou-kun. I didn't realize how much I kept back until we had left. I should probably thank Akito-san someday!" Tohru smiled brightly, picking the menu back up. "Demo, Yuki-kun, you've changed, too. You're more open now. I feel closer to you than I ever have. And Kyou-kun, too. He doesn't try to hide things so much anymore. I'm glad that you don't act like you hate each other anymore."

The waiter brought out their drinks and took their orders. Tohru sipped at her lemonade, the cool tangy flavor soothing her dry throat.

"I don't hate him… I just don't understand him. Why he wants to be part of this family so much, or why he acts so rashly. He does and says things without thinking, not bothering to consider the consequences. He acts like a fool. That's why I can't stand him."

Yuki looked Tohru directly in the eyes. "But I'd rather not talk about him, Tohru. Let's talk about something else; it's too beautiful a day to waste on that conversation."

She blinked twice, a little confused by his abruptness and his sudden intensity. "Ah… I know! What do you want to do when you're all grown up, Yuki-kun?"

"All grown up? Tohru, I think I've been grown up for a while now," he teased, grinning at her blush.

"Sorry! I still think of us as kids. But we have been 'all grown up' for a while now, haven't we? We've been living alone, working, feeding ourselves- we have our own home and lives now. It's like we're a…" she trailed off, seeing as Yuki seemed to be looking past her. A worried frown crossed his lips.

"Yuki-kun? What's wrong?" she asked. When he still didn't answer, she waved her hand in front of his face and raised her voice. "Yuki-kun? Do you feel alright? Do you have a headache? I think I have some aspirin in my purse…"

She started rummaging in her purse, looking for the small blue bottle that contained her aspirin. Finally her fingers closed upon it and she pulled it out in triumph.

"Found it! Here, Yuki-kun, take two-"

Her words were cut off as Yuki grabbed her hand, threw a few yen on the table, and pulled her swiftly away from the café tables. Without a word, he started running into the crowd, his hand held tightly over hers. Tohru tried to keep up and apologize to the people she kept slamming into at the same time, but soon her breath came short and she was gasping for air. Why was Yuki running? What was wrong?

"Wait," she panted, "Yuki-kun, I can't keep up…"

But Yuki merely tightened his grip, and increased his speed. He twisted down a side street, and then down another, the rights and lefts getting lost in Tohru's mind as he dragged her along. She stopped thinking about anything other than getting one foot in front of the other. Finally, when she thought she could go no further, he yanked her into a short alley, its corners filled with dumpsters and trash that littered the street.

She fell to her knees, her breath escaping in heavy gasps. Beside her, Yuki fell as well, coughing as he tried to suck in air. The alley soon filled with their panting breaths, the noise contrasting with the silent streets. Shakily, Tohru rose from her crouch, her head spinning. Dizzily, she leaned against the wall, the back of her mind just barely registering the amount of filth that must layer its laden bricks.

"Are- are you alright, Tohru?" Yuki panted, his chest still rising and falling quickly.

"I think so…" she whispered, her voice hoarse. "Why did you start running?"

Yuki leaned back next to her, his eyes closed as he tried to calm his pounding heart. "Ritsu…I saw him and Okami-san. I think he saw us as well."

Tohru closed her eyes as well, the words slowly sinking in. Ritsu had been here? He had been here in Dayu? And he had seen them- but that meant…

"Maybe he didn't recognize us?" she asked softly, her eyes still closed. Yuki pulled away from the wall, and turned to face her.

"It'd be better to think the worst. We should go back tomorrow. We'll have to be careful."

"Demo, Yuki-kun, Dayu is such a big city. No one could find us, and even if they did, we live in Chiyo, not here," she pointed out optimistically. Her positive nature was returning slowly with the calming of her breathing.

All she received in reply was more heavy breathing. Wearily, she opened her eyes and almost jumped in surprise. Yuki was but a finger's length away from her face, his normally clear grey eyes clouded over. She grew increasingly aware of his closeness as he traced her jaw line with his finger.

"Yuki-kun?" she stammered, her already jumbled stomach knotting anxiously.

He only shook his head slightly, the loose hairs from his sloppy ponytail falling into his face. Almost mechanically, her hand rose to brush them from his face. Her hand froze on contact with his cheek. Gently, he took her hand into his and brought it back to her side, edging closer in the movement.

Tohru felt her back stiffen and her face heat up as Yuki kept his eyes trained on her while placing a small kiss on the hollow of her neck. The heat that filled her stomach rose into her chest, making her heart beat erratically. He trailed with his lips up her neck to her jaw line. Her pulse pounded through her pale skin, the strength of it urging him further. He lifted his eyes to meet hers, the contact causing a jolt of electricity to run through him. Such a look…

Immediately Yuki pulled away, dragging himself unwillingly away from her warmth, away from her nearness.

"I'm sorry, Tohru. I don't know what came over me…" his voice cracked slightly, the emotion of the moments prior breaking through.

"Yuki-kun…what's wrong?" Tohru's worry for her friend overcame whatever mixed emotions she herself was feeling. Yuki wasn't acting like himself. Running through the city streets, shouting out warnings, and then trying to kiss her again. Kiss her… But she didn't want to think about that. Not now.

She lifted her hand to touch his shoulder but then thought better of it. Instead, she edged away from the wall until she faced him.

"Please, tell me. What's wrong?" her soft tone twisted at his heart. Was she really not aware of the effect she had on him? When she should be angry at his insensitivity, she instead worried about him. When she had every right to be upset or annoyed, she thought only of what concerned him. And as always, she tried to get him to share his heart with her, openly- in words. She sought out contact and trust without even realizing how much of it she already had.

Yuki released the pent up sigh that spoke more than any words he could say. It started from somewhere on the lower levels of his heart and rose through to his thoughts and worries. It contained all of his anxieties and fears. Over her; over someday losing her. If that blond man had been Ritsu…if he or his mother had seen them and recognized them, Akito would come. Of that, Yuki was sure. Akito would search the city until he found word of them, and then he'd come to Chiyo.

"I won't let him take you, Tohru. I won't let him!" Yuki pounded his fist into the alley wall, a line of blood forming along the bridge of his thin hand. Tohru gasped and grabbed at it, cradling the injured fingers in her own.

"Yuki-kun, please, just tell me what's the matter! You're scaring me!" She tried twisting him around to see his eyes, but he avoided her and snapped back his hand.

"Please!" she cried, her voice reverberating in a sudden gust of wind. "I just don't understand- I can't if you won't tell me… Please, can't you trust me?"

Yuki felt the wind's gentle fingers press against his cheek, the soothing touch cooling the heat that ran through his blood.

"We should go back to the hotel," he said at last in a cold tone. He turned his back to her and headed out the alley onto the street. Tohru followed behind him numbly. He had sounded so…so flat. Why was he acting like this? Had she done something wrong?

Yuki-kun…why are you so scared?

******************************************************

'I know this room. I know these smells- things from my childhood. Like a vague memory, these sensations are coming back to me. I must be dreaming, but it's too real…

When was this? Where is this…?'

"Kyou…"

'I know this voice! I know it all too well… Mother.'

"Are you wearing your bracelet?"

"Yes, Mother."

"That's good. Very good."

"Can I go with you to the store today?"

"Not today, Kyou. I don't want anyone else to see my cute, little Kyou. I'm too selfish to share you with anyone!"

'Too selfish- yeah right. I know what she really meant. She was too frightened. She was like everyone else- scared of what I could become. Scared of the monster I held beneath my skin. Even with my rosary on, she still feared I would come out- that the devil would come out.'

"Come here, Kyou. Come closer. Mother wants to tell you something."

"Why are you in the bath, Mother?"

"Never mind that, just come here. I feel… I feel weak."

"What's wrong? Why is the water so red, Mother?"

"You must promise me something."

"Mother! You're cut- let me get Hatori-san."

"No! Don't leave this room, Kyou. Promise me something. Promise!"

"Yes, Mother, I will promise."

"Promise you'll get away. Promise that you'll escape from all this. Don't get caught. I'm too weak a person to be your Mother, but I love you."

"What do you mean, Mother?"

"You've promised, Kyou! Now- now I think I can go…"

"Mother!"

"It's alright, Kyou. This is what I want…it's not your fault. I'm just too weak…feel so weak now."

"Mother, don't close your eyes. Please, don't close your eyes!"

"…"

"Mother!"

'Too weak? Too weak! Wise words, Mother. And the only thing you were cursed with was me. You should never have done that. Besides, what good did it do? I'm going to end up breaking your promise. I feel it as the days get longer and the coming of spring grows near. My body's getting weaker, and the spirit's growing stronger. I'll have to go back, Mother. There's no choice. If I don't beat him…if I don't beat Yuki, I'll be trapped. Thrown behind bars that not even this spirit in me will be able to destroy.'

"He has two years left. I'll let him live with you for now, Shigure. If he doesn't fulfill his end of the bargain then he'll stay here. In the room."

"I know."

"Don't speak about me as if I'm not here!"

"Shigure, surely by now the cat's spirit should be aware that only god himself can save him. If he really wants that then he'll do his part."

"Damn it! I'm right here! Don't pretend like you can't see me or hear me. Akito!"

"Come on, Kyou. Let's go."

"No, Shigure! He can't pretend like I don't exist. I'm a Sohma- I'm part of this family, too!"

"Tohru will have made us a nice dinner. We shouldn't leave it get cold. Come, come."

"Don't touch me!"

"Yare, yare- such violence. Akito- good night."

'Two years- such time felt like an eternity, an eternity to win my freedom. But each day has passed and I've grown no closer. I cannot lose! I cannot lose- it's too important. He will address me- he will learn my name and say it. I will not be thrown aside like all the rest before me. I'll die if that happens… I'll die.'

"Please, come home. I want to be with you!"

'Be with me? She speaks my name and calls out to me. Even now in this dream of mine, in this half waking thing, she's there. My comfort, my solace- the thing that'll kill me will be her absence. Even in these few hours away from her, my spirit calls out for her. This demon inside of me- even it softens when she's near.'

"You can yell at me, call me names, get angry or happy- I don't care! Just come home…please, come home."

'She is my home. This is my home- with her.'

Kyou woke with a start, his red eyes flashing open, immediately wincing from the sunlight pouring in. It was already mid afternoon. He sat up, the blanket falling from his chest. His clothes were soaked- his dreams having driven him manic through the night. Flashes of his dreams ran through his mind. The bits of memory and reflection- lucid dreams. They were symptoms that his time was coming near. So little time left…

"I have to win. I have to." He bowed his head between his knees, the sunlight warming the back of his neck. Whatever it took, he wouldn't lose. Akito would recognize him, and he'd be free.

************************************************************

The cramped hotel room's yellow walls glared painfully under the fluorescent lighting. Tohru squinted in the light, stumbling after Yuki into the room. Carelessly, he flipped off the automatic lights and sat down on one of the double beds. Through the window, the late twilight sun outlined his profile. His aquiline nose and thin lips that were curved downwards in a frown. Tohru stood hesitantly at the entrance of the room, tapping the door shut behind her with her heel.

He hadn't said a word the entire way back to the hotel. She had tried pointing out some of the buildings mentioned in the tour guide, or commenting on shops they passed by, but nothing had drawn a response. His manner had only grown cooler as the temperature had followed suite. From the back of her head, a headache began to form, the dull throb starting at the base of her neck.

Wearily, she sat down on the other bed, her back to him. She hunched over and covered her face with her hands. It was all too confusing! Ultimately, as much as she wanted to avoid the truth of it, the reason why Yuki behaved as he was now was because she refused to talk about It. About that kiss, or the one in the alleyway, or the way even now he was watching her. She could feel his gaze on her back, even the stir in the air as he walked over to her side. She could feel his warmth grow nearer, and the guilt that flowed from him in waves.

Soon, he'd apologize and ask for her forgiveness. Then the play would become clear. She would protest, he'd insist, and everything would be shoved under the proverbial carpet as the subject changed to slightly less tense conversation. Did she really want to continue sidestepping the obvious like this? As confusing as it all was, as mixed as her emotions were, the least Yuki deserved was her honesty- and some candor.

"I'm sorry, Tohru. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. Lately, I get angry so easily it seems. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you, will you forgive me?" He sat down next to her, and laced his fingers in with her limp hand.

"Yuki-kun, I haven't been very fair to you, have I?" her voice came out softly, inaudible but for the closeness of Yuki's ears.

His grip tightened almost indiscernibly. Tohru went on, her resolve slipping slightly as she hazarded a glance at his face from under her lashes. He was trying to steel his features over- he probably expected the worst, and didn't want her to see it. Oh Yuki…

"I feel good when you're near. I like that you want to hold my hand- my heart feels fuller when you smile, and every time you say my name, Yuki-kun, it skips a beat, and my blood rushes. But-"

The hopeful smile that had been stretching across his vulnerable face faltered at her last utterance.

"But, the same thing happens with Kyou-kun. I don't understand why. I barely understand any of it! I'm so confused, and I keep on trying to understand until my head pounds and my eyes hurt from staring too long. And all I keep thinking is that I'm hurting you and Kyou-kun by being so indecisive, by not knowing what I'm feeling."

Tohru sighed and leaned against Yuki's shoulder, taking some strength in it to plunge on.

"You say that- that you love me, Yuki-kun," a blush spread across her cheeks, "and I love you, too. Just as I love Kyou-kun. But its not the kind of love that you want. I don't want to hurt you, and there's too much I can't understand. I hate doing this, I hate hurting you- can you forgive me, Yuki-kun? I'm so sorry; I want to make you happy, but I don't want to lie to you, either. I'm so sorry!"

Tears started to fall, regardless of her prior resolve to not cry. She didn't want him to see her crying over this. But she was too afraid to look at him- afraid that she'd see hurt. She covered her face with her hands, ashamed of her weakness. The warm body beside her stirred slightly and she felt two strong arms grip her shoulders, pushing her down gently on the bed. Her eyes fluttered open and met grey.

"Yuki-kun?" she whispered, her tears forgotten. She turned her head away, "I'm sorry."

Softly, he brought her face back around to meet his. "Shh…I can wait, Tohru. If you give me this night, I think I can wait until you're sure."

She nodded, a little frightened, but willing if it made Yuki happy. After she had hurt him so much, this was the least she could do. She could pretend as if she knew her heart, as if she didn't feel guilty or that her thoughts didn't return to another boy who a hundred miles away was probably sitting down to a dinner meal, alone.

Yuki leaned down, taking her lips with his own. In her inexperience, she tried to respond in turn. At this slight bit of encouragement, his kiss gathered strength. A whimper escaped her lips and he pulled back, his grey eyes searching hers in the semi darkness of the room.

"Tohru?" the hesitancy and the vulnerability in his voice was enough to put away her reservations. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him closer, keeping her eyes wide open. Impatient, yet ever still tender, Yuki seized her mouth into his, drinking down her taste, her fragrance, that tangible piece of her that could be held and grasped. Awkwardly, he maneuvered himself for better leverage yet still prevent their embrace.

A thousand thoughts raced through his mind, each growing more blinded by the rush of emotions that overwhelmed him. He felt a wrongness in their touch, a wrongness in reason, in expectation. But desperation prodded him onward. His past, his history, his memories- all of them were tainted with the same things: loss and hurt. Anyone he had ever cared for, anything that he had loved- all of it had been taken. Like the mouse in the zodiac, he hoarded up his few bits of intimacy, his few pieces of human touch. They were the moments of saving grace that pulled him back from the coldness that permeated his heart, that threatened to block any ability to love. And she gave so willingly, so freely…

He knew it was wrong, realized it each second of touching her, of feeling her heartbeat beneath his hands; the way her eyes showed resignation, and yes, love, but not of the kind he wanted. But the pressure, the fear continued to build- the danger of her being taken away. Today had eclipsed it. Nothing good ever lasts- it was a truth he knew above all else. They had been seen; he knew it. It would only be a matter of months before they'd be found. They could run…but then they'd always be running.

Was it fair to her? Was it right?

She'd eventually have to be freed from their grasp. He and Kyou would have to let her leave, force her to if needed.

His eyes flew open and met her own. The intimacy of the moment stole away his breath. Such clarity- a total knowingness. He pulled himself from the kiss, her taste fresh in his mouth, and rested his forehead in the hollow of her neck. Her hand fell to his cheek and rested there. The soothing rhythm of her breathing calmed his thoughts and his heart, lulling him to sleep.

The final thought before the onslaught of that ether world of emotions and memories invaded his mind, sent a peace throughout him. This would be enough. If it was all he had from her, it could be enough. For when she was gone…

Sleep overcame him, and he missed the tears that once again began to fall, or the sobs that shook through the warm body beneath him. Not even his subconscious mind heard the sorrowful voice utter its words in the silent room.

"I'm so sorry, Yuki. I'm so sorry…"

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