Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Beginnings ❯ Chapter 13 ( Chapter 13 )

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The story picks up pace y'all!!!!!

Beginnings

Carpetfibers

Chapter 13

The faint buzz of someone screaming crept into the back of his consciousness. Sound itself had transpired into something even less concrete, merging into his vision- something already evolved into half imaginary, half reality. No more time, no more time- the ongoing mantra rang out its words staving off whatever reason remained. His blood called for more, for feeling, for sensation. Each flung fist intoxicated him even further, the pain becoming a drug that he was all too familiar with. Pain equaled feeling, equaled living, equaled sustenance. Nothing else mattered. Nothing.

The dulled words surged forward, bits and pieces of his remaining consciousness dragging them into awareness. Stop please hurt love anything die no more please no more please no more please no more- there was no pattern, no order to the flood of restraints. But the blood had a stronger calling, the blood had been waiting far too long and its patience had been tried.

Time's dancing its self away, Kyou. Time's a flying out the window and there's nothing to catch it. Time's up, Kyou. Time's up.

And so it chanted. This other self, this other being that knew its freedom was close at hand. Its strength had grown, and even now the part of himself that recognized all this had retreated to such a level that Kyou could no longer hold himself in check. He strove for but one thing, one goal now, and it overtook his mind as nothing else could. Generations of anger and pain had been retained and thickened in time's scarlet broth, and as it swept to the surface, the blood called for only one thing to relieve its transgressions: that other one's blood- the Jacob who had stolen his blessing.

But pain is two sided, and even when the will is stronger, the body will succumb. In the half gone vision, Kyou barely made out the bloodied sock clad foot that blanketed him into blackness. As the damaged cat fell to the ground, half cushioned by the blankets strewn by their fight, Yuki fell himself, his body having been injured as it never had been by the cat.

The attack had come out of no where. Tohru had been washing the dishes from breakfast and humming along with the radio, lost in her thoughts. He had been helping her, drying each item and putting it safely away. He remembered mentioning something about how once the snow had melted, spring would surely be only around the corner. And then he had heard a snarl and Kyou had charged, roaring something about time being up.

Never had he faced such a vicious attack. Somehow Kyou must have made time to work on his speed, for almost every punch was countered, and every kick blocked. For the first time, Yuki had to act on the defensive. But something had happened in between the trading of punches and the ramming of knees- something in the cat's eyes had changed. An insane desperation had taken over, and the blows had lost their control. Something had snapped beneath the boy's exterior, rendering him deaf to Tohru's cries and entreaties.

What was going on?

"It happened again, Yuki-kun…" Tohru had pushed herself into a corner and stared wide eyed and ashen faced. She continued, her voice broken. "He went away again. He was so far away…"

Yuki pulled himself up, wincing from the pain in his ribs. "What do you mean, Tohru?"

She continued staring ahead, her eyes unfocused and her hands trembling. "Its been happening for a while, but he wouldn't- that is- he'd get angry when I mentioned it. Its like he was sleep walking, but he never went to sleep. I'm so scared, Yuki- I'm scared!"

The small bit of adrenaline that must have been holding her together gave out altogether, and she crumbled to her knees, her cheeks cradled between her hands. It was her unnatural quietness that caused Yuki to drag himself up and over to her side. Gingerly, he place a hand on her shoulder. Even through her sweater, he could feel the damp chill that coated her skin. Ignoring his own pain, he pulled her gently from her hands. Her pupils were dilated and her teeth were chattering.

"Tohru, Tohru, look at me. Come on look at me." He knelt down next to her and brought his eyes level with her own. Still coaxing gently, he continued on in a soothing voice waiting for her eyes to refocus. "Everything's alright now. There's no danger. Kyou's asleep, and I'm just fine. Look at me, Tohru. Come on…"

Gradually, Tohru's shaking calmed and she sagged beneath Yuki's hands. Pressing her against his shoulder gently, he held her somewhat awkwardly as she continued to cry. Ever mindful to keep a safe distance, he rubbed her back soothingly, all while whispering that everything was alright. Everything was just fine. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

"Yuki-kun, what's happening to him? I'm so scared for him. And your fight- it was horrible- so horrible!" Her shuddering increased, and frustration overwhelmed Yuki as well as anger.

That bastard- didn't he care what he did to Tohru? And here she was all worked up because she was worried about him. So worried that she was almost sick. It didn't matter what Yuki would say, or how he'd try to reassure her- she wouldn't feel respite until Kyou had come clean with whatever it is that he had been hiding.

"I'm sorry, Tohru. I'm sorry you had to see that. I promise it won't happen again-"

"You can't promise that! Because you two will never stop. You'll keep fighting as long as you're here with me. You'll try to hurt each other, break each other- and it won't matter what I say, or how much I cry." Tohru pulled away from Yuki's grasp, her intense gaze staring him straight in the eye.

"Tohru…" he started, but again she cut him off.

"But I can live with that. I can live with the fact that you must do this, but I have to know why. Why do you fight him, Yuki-kun? Why does he fight you?" She wiped at her damp eyes paying little attention to the streaks of dirt left behind from her fingers.

Yuki looked away, finding sudden interest in the wall next to him. "Its just an old rivalry- cat and mouse. Nothing more than that."

"Nothing more than that?" she asked softly.

He nodded reluctantly, knowing his answer had been far from the truth.

"I see," Yuki winced at her tone, the defeated edge it had gained. Tohru lifted to her feet and offered a hand to him. Drawn into the light, the bruises on his face stood out painfully. Her eyes grew wide, and wordlessly she traced his cheek with a finger, her usually smiling lips twisting downwards. "Oh Yuki-kun…"

He stepped away from her touch and smiled tightly. "Its nothing, Tohru. Just a little bruising. I'm going to take a shower, so why don't you take care of him?" He gestured with a foot towards the unconscious cat. A trail of dried blood traced a crooked rivulet from the corner of his mouth. Out of the two, Kyou had obviously taken the worst of the beating. But not by much, Yuki acknowledged, not by much.

"Ano, Yuki-kun, I don't mind helping you with-"

"No, Tohru, just take care of him. I'm- that is, I only need some hot water," he interrupted, stepping into the bathroom. He quickly shut the door, blocking out her tired eyes and reproachful glance. Wearily, he leaned against the door, allowing the show of strength from earlier slide from his shoulders. The different aches and pains that circled his body called out their greetings as he stripped down and stepped under the scalding water. A blissful mixture of pain and soothing heat, the steaming water cleansed his mind from its worries and brought all into refocus.

"Damn it."

* * * * *

Tohru stared at the shut door, tempted to press Yuki more. But- too many reasons supplied themselves for not- and so she tended to the latter half of her family. She knelt by his side and carefully removed his jacket, mindful to cushion his head on her lap. A small gasp escaped her lips as she took in the bruises coating his arms. Gently, she wiped away the blood from his cheek with a small cloth. Wringing out the rag, she continued cleaning his wounds, working her way down his arms. At his wrist, she paused. Would it be alright to touch it- to touch his rosary?

Hesitantly, she touched the reddish beads, their smooth texture far too innocent under her fingers. It was only these small little beads that held back his true form. How could anything so fragile, so dainty be strong enough to keep back that spirit? The sorrow that always filled her heart at the thought of the pain Kyou must live with carrying such an angry soul within him resurged. All those years of rejection, of ignorant fear and hatred, of being despised- that he shared his heart with her meant so much. For the little that she gave him- the trembling ground on which he trode was too great a trade.

Pulling his limp wrist closer, she tenderly eased away the dirt from beneath the rosary. His skin was swollen, as if the bracelet was too tight. Slight imprints from the beads were left behind on his skin- tattoos of their existence. Sighing softly, Tohru continued up to his knuckles- the skin was torn and ragged. Tears came to her eyes.

Why did he hurt himself like this? What compelled him to such an end? Did he not care about anything but this supposed victory over Yuki? It didn't fit with the Kyou that she had come to know, come to see. It didn't fit at all with the man she knew who fought so hard to love, to care, and to protect.

"Kyou, why do you do this?" she asked him. It was a rhetorical question. Even if he was conscious, she wouldn't get the answer. The tears now spilled over onto her cheeks, as she knelt her head near Kyou's wrist and silently sobbed. She'd give anything for his hurt to stop, to ease away his pain- to see him genuinely happy. Of all the expressions that she had witnessed to cross his face, never once had she seen him to be carefree- that innocent recklessness that children possess. Always caution. Behind everything- every word, every gesture, every movement- was an ever-present wariness, a fear of what could transpire, of what could occur. Those grand what if's that haunt decisions and choices.

If she could but take away one of those fears- if she could somehow give him the reassurance to no longer fear around her- if! But if was only that, a conditional that meant a give and take. She could take every step for him, wear the shoes and don the cap, but as long as he clung to the stair rail, he'd neither move up nor down. There was but one alternative- and that was to push. She'd have to push him, push him even to yell at her, scream at her, get angry and lash out. She wouldn't mind taking the hurtful words derived from his fear if it meant that one day she could see him smile freely.

She could take it all.

"Eh, Kyou-kun? I'm not going to let you push me away," she whispered, smoothing away a lock of his too long hair. A smile filled her face as his eyes opened, wide and unassuming in their first glance. For a minute, neither spoke, the only sound coming from the steady stream of water striking in the background. Even the wind had dulled its howling for this moment.

Still smoothing down his hair, Tohru waited for him to speak, knowing full well what the first words would be. His awkward apologies while ungraceful and disjointed were none the less genuine. He was so like a child, like a little boy who never knew the meaning of play or friend. Just like a child who could neither hide his emotions nor control them.

"I'm sor-" he began, but Tohru gently cut him off.

"Shh. I know…I don't understand, but I know."

"You…" He closed his eyes, feeling a dampness under his lids. He had done it again. Again. He had made up his mind, too. He was going to leave, forget about this futile fight. He had tried to convince himself that he could do it, he could continue even if it meant hurting her, because in the end he would be free. But nice words didn't lessen the pain that came from seeing her tears- tears caused by him. He had sworn to never be the reason for her sadness. But again, he had failed.

He truly was as pathetic as Akito had said he was. An outsider, a monster, the supposed reason for their curse's existence. Even generations before, his guilt and future had been decided. Fate, destiny, karma- whatever the hell it was called- his circle ran full round robin. Sorry kids, the ride's over. Nope, sorry, only one ticket per kid. Try again next life. See you then!

And that guy- that calm, collected one who had everything he wanted, to whom everything came so easily- he'd get her love as well. Because everyone who saw his true form, saw the truth eventually would run away. They'd realize that there was no escaping its spirit, its anger, and they'd leave. That was the way things were. Eventually, even Tohru would run away. He'd make her face the truth, and then she'd have to run.

"I'm not going to run away."

His eyes flew open, each tiny movement of her lashes entrancing him. Those tears that flowed, that filled her eyes, that drained down her cheeks- all because of him.

"You can try pushing me away, but I won't run."

The wetness that fell to his own cheeks- he could taste her tears. It was all of her in each tiny drop; the saltiness, the innocence, even the determination.

"Can't you see? I want to be with you, Kyou. I told you once that I want to be with you, even when you yell or get angry."

Just words- but they were those words. Those same words from that night so long ago, that night when she touched him, saw him, and loved him despite his form, despite the monster he was- despite the monster he is.

"I- Kyou, I won't let you leave me. I can't let you-" A desperation filled her hushed voice, overwhelming her. Beyond a point for words, she rested her forehead against his own, her tears falling freely down to his own cheeks. Her softened sobs breathed their sadness and frustration and fears against his skin, each breath touching him as no words could. How could she possibly care for him like this? To trust him when he carried this thing, this beast with him? How could she? How could she ever even try?

"I love you too much to let you leave me, Kyou…"

And there it came, that peace. Love…to be loved despite all the truths she knew. To be actually loved- peace filled him as it never had. A comfort, a surety, a truth so different from all the truths he had known. He knew that she loved that guy, but that she could share her heart with him as well. To love him- to actually love him…

"You…"

"Tell me the truth, Kyou. Please trust me this much. Tell me why…why are you so desperate? Why do you fight Yuki so desperately? Why? Please, just tell me, why?" Kyou could hear Tohru's own desperation in her urgent whispers.

"Please-"

"It's the only way, Tohru. If I ever want to be free, this is the only way."

"Why? Why is this the only way?" She had to know. She felt as if she didn't press once again, if she didn't press now, then- then he would leave. She'd wake in the morning and find him gone without a word.

"Tohru, I can't-"

"Tell her the truth."

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru sat up abruptly, surprise registered in her eyes from Yuki's comment. Once again, he refused to meet her gaze, staring at the ground. His hair glistened in the lamp light, still damp from the shower.

"Just tell her, baka neko."

"Don't order me around like you're a piece of royalty, always thinking you're so high and mighty. I hurt you this time- you weren't so in control this time were you?" But the barb died. It had been only half hearted in all honesty, almost more out of habit than actual bitterness.

"Please don't fight…not now when you're both so hurt," Tohru pleaded, her hand still resting lightly on Kyou's hair, smoothing it down unconsciously. "Don't fight…"

Yuki sighed heavily, leaning back against the wall, his eyes intent on the moon that had slowly risen its way to midnight in the velvet sky outside. "You asked me why I fought back, and I lied."

"Yuki-kun…"

"I lied because my reason is selfish and dirty and callous. Its disgusting and contemptible. I fight back because fighting that idiot neko makes me feel like someone. I feel alive- I feel so much more in those moments of pain, of lashing out and of anger than I do in so many minutes of my life. I fight because as long as I'm obstacle, I have a purpose, a meaning."

He looked directly into her eyes, pointedly ignoring the surprised expression in the cat's eyes. "And that's why, Tohru. I lied because you'd despise me, you'd despise me as you should."

"Yuki-kun…" whatever reassurances Tohru wanted to say died on her lips. Instead, the almost sated tears began their fall. It was too much to see, too much to bear, not in light of his confession, in his brute honesty. Sharply, he jerked himself around, turning his head to face the window once more, and shield himself from those tears.

"Its your turn, baka neko. Tell her why you fight."

Kyou pulled himself away from Tohru's grasp, seeking some distance from her touch and warmth. In telling them the truth, he might be giving up his last chance at freedom, at being accepted as a member of the family. He might be giving up his last chance at being recognized for his place.

And who the hell cared?

"Every 18 years, the Sohma cursed with the spirit of the cat weakens. It is at the first of those 18 years that the cat is to be imprisoned in a cage, and kept there for the rest of his life. Almost three years ago, I made a deal with Akito. If I beat the rat, then I wouldn't be imprisoned and I'd finally be recognized as part of the family. My 18th birthday is only 6 weeks away, and I've yet to hold to my part of the bargain."

Drawing himself up to his feet, each joint screaming out its complaints, he looked down at Tohru who could only cry helplessly, her mouth unnaturally frowning.

The tears only fell harder as he smiled that smile of abandon that she had so fervently wished for. Only now- now his smile came because he had given up. He had given up on a future and it was because she had pressed him to! Swiftly, she rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around him, enveloping him for a brief second in her warmth, and in her only way to comfort. Tucking him against her breast, she sobbed into his fur, releasing all of her sorrow and frustration for his past, for his hurts, and for all that he carried on his shoulders.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair it wasn't fair it wasn't fair. A litany of childish protest raced through her mind as she struck out for one viable hope, one believable silver lining. Anything-

But nothing came. No silver lining, no suddenly open window- nothing but a feeling of darkness and hopelessness. And the rush of yet more tears down her cheeks. At a time like this, all she could do was cry. Cry and cry and cry- she was nothing more than a child herself. A little girl that could only point at the sky and cry against everything that it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fa-

"I'll fight you."

The hesitancy in his voice echoed unusually in the stillness of the dark room. Yuki who never spoke with awkwardness or recklessness- his voice came out lost, and seemingly broken from its cool self possession.

"One last time. We'll go back and face him."

It had broken enough to show the fear.

"Face Akito."

To show the uncertainty.

"You'll fight me. One last time."

To show the sadness.

"I won't hold anything back. If you beat me, it'll be honest."

And to show the determination.

For the second time, words failed her. As she could only show with her heart, and with her touch, she pulled Yuki close, pressing her lips to his forehead. She didn't know how to voice her gratitude or her love. She didn't know the words to say all that danced through her heart, the emotions or sensations. She could only wrap her arms around him as she had done minutes ago to another, and give him her warmth for the second allowed him.

It was only then that she could press him to her breast and hope that somehow he'd hear those words she longed to say in the staccato of her heart. That somewhere in the rushing of her blood and beating of her heart, he'd catch the tale-tell sounds of her love. That he'd know as surely as he knew the sky to be blue and the stars to be infinite, that she loved him.

With tender care, she cradled them into her arms and tucked them gently into their beds, before crawling into her own. Once again, it'd be sleep that closed this moment in her life. She'd pray with all her heart, and work with all her will, and fight that the end she hoped for would come.

To simply be together. To simply be happy. To simply live.

Behind her closed eyes and drifting thoughts came the barely registered sound of their return to human bodies. But neither boy stirred from beneath their blankets. One stared in the darkness, a hope barely lighting itself from within. One chance still lasted. One chance still waited. One last time.

The other closed his eyes, seeking out solace from a deeper darkness than the lightless room. A deep sorrow filled his mind, with an even deeper disgust. To have found meaning from all this? To have found fulfillment in being an obstacle to another's chance of freedom? And to have enjoyed it. To have actually enjoyed it!

It'd catch up to him eventually. He'd be punished. Life had already taught him that valuable lesson. Every action had an equal but opposite reaction. Simple physics. And his reaction would round the world and eventually stab him in the back. Simple history.

But there was still a chance to make amends, to right those wrongs. One last chance for him. For both of them.

* * * * *

The 18th century style doorway stood half veiled in darkness, the other half left to bathe in the moonlight. The cold front that had held the house in a stagnant pause had finally found its way again, leaving behind a warm breeze that carried only hints of the coming spring. As if cued by this wind, a few seasonal birds had finally returned to their abandoned nests for early cleaning. One of the nocturnal few had returned to another of its homes- this one nothing more than pale finger. It was the finger's owner that had first drawn the bird closer for inspection.

A like spirit- that was what the bird found. He had found another who had his wings clipped when but a child. But unlike this finger's owner, he had been able to grow his wings back.

Abruptly, the finger withdrew, and the bird returned to its higher residence. A pale face leaned into the wind, steel colored eyes watching the bird's retreating wings. As always, the bird had returned. After all, this was his home. And a bird never strayed away for too long.

"You can stop the searching."

Hatori looked up surprised. Stop searching? Had Akito given up?

"Don't look so surprised, Hatori. Didn't you notice the date? Its practically spring; and I had made a deal with that idiot boy. He'll come back, and with him will come my Yuki. And finally both will understand."

Akito stood close to the half opened veranda doors, moonlight pouring into the spacious room. His half illuminated face turned to face the seated doctor. A small smile came to his lips as he pulled the door open fully.

"See, Hatori? By the time of the next full moon, that cat will have already started his return home. Once here with me, they're realize that this is the only place for them." He closed his eyes, seemingly forgetting his audience.

"Its easy to forget when you're away. Absence makes the mind dull, blurried. But once back, both will remember. Yuki will remember." He turned back around, the moon behind him growing covered by swiftly moving clouds.

"I'm the only one who loves you. I'm the only one who will never leave, or send you away. I'm the only one who fully accepts your curse."

Once again, a smile lighted his lips. This time a fragile innocence lined the thin mouth, too much like a child's simple insistence on reasoning the sky was blue because, or that bird flew simply because.

"This time they'll stay. Don't you think so, Hatori?" Both doors were shut, the spring breeze cut off from its entrance. "I'm sure of it. After all, this is their home."

"And birds always return to their nest."

* * * * *

Author's Notes:

Well, loves, its currently 0404, and I am wired! I'm in a total writer's roll right now; this chapter practically wrote itself. It only took me a few hours! I'm so glad. And yes, Mesdames and messieurs, it has picked up pace. This was chapter 13- there may be but 5 more chapters. So the story should be finished by week after next and then the sequel will start. I can't wait to begin on that. Oh, and since you guys completely failed guessing the title, I shall sponsor it for you.

Resolutions!!!!!!!!!!

I told you to find synonyms for endings. Sigh.

Oh and here's my much promised Carpet Caper!!!!!!!!

A Furuba Mystery Story: Where's Candyland's missing @$$ ?

In a land far away, but then again far too close, there lived a chipper girl named Candyland (note: candyland shall be abbreviated to cl due to budget cuts in the following venture). Cl had spent a good deal of her life either laying on her back, walking on her feet, or sitting on her @$$. However, one day, as she was sitting on the aforementioned @$$, she suddenly realized that it was missing!

"Lord have mercy!" she shouted, pulling herself up from the chair awkwardly. "My @$$ is missing!"

Racing upstairs, again somewhat awkwardly as once again aforementioned her @$$ was missing, Cl whipped out her handy dandy phone book and looked in the yellow pages for the @$$ detectives.

Amazingly enough, she found one- the completely unknown and for a good reason so Sohma detective agency. After a frantic phone call, and ten minutes explaining her predicament, she finally was put on hold for a certain Shigure Sohma.

After six weeks, three days, nine hours, and 451 seconds, Cl was finally able to speak to Shigure. Again she explained her predicament- the aforementioned @$$ missing problem- and crossed her fingers as the detective hemmed and hawed over the line. At last though, he answered.

"Did you check the last pair of pants you wore?"

Not paying attention at all to her strength, Cl smacked herself in the head. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that? Hold on one second while I check."

Cl raced back downstairs and yanked her faded acid washed throw back to the eighties jeans out from the clothes hamper. Low and behold, what did she find? Her missing @$$ of course!

Ecstatic she exclaimed her gratitude over the phone. "Thank you so much! Is there anything I can do to thank you?"

A bated second passed before Shigure replied.

After a pause herself, Cl replied. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Again she paused. "With my tongue?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"And in a knot you said?" she queried, still sounding a bit doubtful.

"Yes. That would be all the thanks an old man like me would need."

"All while in my mouth?" The doubt was even more present with her final question. But Shigure replied just as adamantly.

"My younger cousin Yuki does it all the time! I'm sure you can do it just as well as he can."

Cl brightened. If Shigure the missing @$$ detective's anonymous and completely unknown cousin could do it, then so could she.

"Alright. Come on over."

In just two minute's time, Shigure appeared at Cl's front door, a water bottle in hand.

"I don't want your mouth to get parched," he explained.

Cl nodded, a little nervous. "I've never done this before."

"Oh, your first time?" Shigure asked, a mischievous glint in his eye.

But Cl shook her head, determined. With an even brighter smile, Shigure led her into the kitchen.

Two hours later, he left the house, a satisfied look on his face. Behind him, Cl shook her head, rubbing at her mouth.

"Wow, my mouth sure is sore. Who knew tying cherry stems into knots could be so difficult?"

The End!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who have dirty minds, get out of the gutter! What did you think I was talking about? Sheesh.

Thanks to my wonderful reviewers. I promise, next time I shall have individual comments. Read on.