Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Beginnings ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

DISCLAIMER:

I don't own a flipping thing. Not a'one. Je n'ai rien. Non hai niente. Insert five hundred more languages. Ahem. On with the new very lovely and quite splendiferous chapter.

Beginnings

Chapter Three

A week had passed since that first night spent comforting Tohru. Neither Yuki nor Kyou had been able to extract the reason for her tears, and had finally stopped asking about it as it brought on a fit of apologizing and wringing of hands. Tohru had returned to her normal self, industrious as ever. Even wrapped up in her bandages, she still managed to set the little house to order. She even made makeshift curtains out of Kyou's ruined sweatshirt that he had grudgingly handed over.

Kyou spent as much of the daylight hours as possible outside, chopping wood or climbing down to the shoreline. He had discovered a faint path almost built into the side of the cliff wall. Yuki spent his hours alternating between checking local vegetation and taking care of Tohru.

He'd catch her when she thought he wasn't looking with that faint pained look on her face that had grown common, as if she was hiding some great hurt. He had tried broaching the subject, but at the sight of tears forming would quickly change it to something less emotional. Tohru had finally come to an understanding as to why they left, but as always, had taken the responsibility on her shoulders. She blamed herself for all the problems, and the guilt she felt every time she'd hear Yuki sigh or Kyou stretch painfully continued to grow.

And now, as the sun began its afternoon descent, Tohru sat with a small bowl of snow peas beside her that Yuki had found during one his forages. As she broke the green shells and dug out the peas to make for dinner, she found her thoughts returning the two boys' behavior. A strange tension hung over them whenever they were together in the house with her. She hadn't really noticed it until their second night there when the problem of sleeping arose.

Kyou had spent the first night sleeping outside, claiming that he enjoyed the night air. But when, the next morning, Tohru had caught him in a sneezing fit, she had insisted he sleep inside. Naturally Yuki had made a comment about it, to which Kyou responded with a threat. It only took Tohru's pleading for them to stop what would have escalated to a full out fight.

It was that night, after eating the dinner of fish and rice Tohru had made that the tension first showed its ugly head. Tohru had slipped into her bedroll thankful for the hot pad Kyou had given her. With it tucked at her feet, she had felt deliciously warm. She had thanked her mother briefly as a nightly prayer before starting to drift off. But sharp words woke her suddenly.

"…saw how you were looking at her, dirty cat."

"Me? You're the one who slept next to her all alone last night!"

"But I don't have dirty thoughts like you and Shigure."

"Kuso nezumi! What do you know about it?"

"I'm saying don't be so free with her."

"Who's being free? Just mind your own business!"

"You shouldn't look at her like that."

"I wasn't looking at her!"

It took a little while for the "her" that were arguing about to register in Tohru's brain. Blearily, she rubbed at her eyes, already feeling guilty before the sleepiness had drained from her.

"Ano…Gomen Sohma-kun, Kyou-kun. I'm causing problems even when I'm sleeping. Please don't argue because of me. I'm sorry I take up so much room! I'm so selfish; I didn't even think of Sohma-kun and Kyou-kun! I'll move closer to the wall."

Tohru tried to get out of her bedroll and half stood, dragging the mass of blankets with her while still apologizing. She tripped midstep and started to fall.

"Honda-san!" cried Yuki, catching her by her injured arm.

Immediately, Kyou was at her other side, steadying her. "You are really stupid, aren't you?"

"Honda-san, you take too much on yourself. I'm sorry I was arguing." Yuki tilted his head slightly, trying to catch her eyes.

"No! Yuki-kun, it is me who is causing the problems! First I get hurt, and then you both had to leave your home, and then I cause so many problems here. I'm sorry I'm so clumsy and stupid. I haven't been helping at all! And Yuki-kun works so hard to find food, and Kyou-kun is always outside when it's so wet chopping wood. Please! I'm sorry!" Tohru tried to bow, but in her awkward position only started to fall forward. Again, Yuki and Kyou caught her.

"Don't be an idiot. I didn't leave because of you. I left because I wanted to." Kyou said gruffly, ever mindful of her nearness. The warmth that was flowing from her arm was almost intoxicating. It soothed him completely; making him almost forget that just on her other side was Yuki.

"Ne, Honda-san, you are very special to me. I couldn't stand if you had to leave. So please, let me stay with you." Yuki's voice was low, and his words calmed Tohru's heavy heart. She just felt so guilty, and useless. She felt like how she did right after her mother had died. She had spent those first few weeks in a daze, not noticing the hour or the weather, what she wore, what she said- nothing. It was like she had been walking asleep.

"Arigato…Sohma-kun and Kyou-kun are so important to me. I'm so thankful!" Tohru felt weak after exerting herself so much, and as such didn't protest as Yuki deftly rewrapped her in her blankets. With a bit of hesitation, Kyou unrolled his bedroll next to hers, Yuki mirroring his actions on the other side. Their fight from earlier now seemed so trivial.

The argument had started because Kyou forgot about Yuki. He had been so caught up in watching the way Tohru's lips fell open as she slept that he didn't notice Yuki's glare from across the room. The blush on his cheeks had been enough to strike a sardonic comment from the cool youth. And as expected Kyou had reacted defensively. Now, as Kyou lay down next to Tohru, her face only inches from his own, he thought that this was much better arrangement. A flood of shame went through him. He was almost as bad as that damn dog! Thankful for the darkness, Kyou turned to face the wall. He could still feel the warmth radiating from her body next to him.

Yuki had waited until the cat's breath had become even before propping himself up on an elbow to inspect Tohru's face. The bruises still stood out on her too pale visage, even though she had removed the bandage from around her head. In her sleep, she made a slight whimpering sound, before turning onto her side to face him. Yuki laid down on his side, facing her. His heart had leapt when she had called him by his name. When she had said 'Yuki-kun' he couldn't help but feel pleased all over. But then she returned to the more formal address. In the darkness, he sighed. He supposed it was partly his fault that she still acted so distant despite the intimacy of some of their moments. In his mind, his thoughts flew to the yellow ribbons he had given her. That was the closest he had ever been to telling her how he felt. But old hurts had surged and he had bitten back the words. Now that that stupid cat was with them, it was even harder to show her how he felt. He felt a ripple of unwanted guilt every time he saw the cat's face turn away because of a smile given to him.

Yuki stretched out his fingers; just a tiny space separated his hand from her face. If he went to sleep right now, maybe in the morning…a small smile crossed over his face. Sleep came easily after that.

Tohru had woken up the next morning surprised by their nearness. She had blushed by the closeness of Yuki's face: it was only a hand's breadth from her own! And Kyou had slipped off his bedroll in the night and was partly on her own. Nevertheless she had been pleased. She had sent a small prayer of thanks to her mother. 'Mother, I know it's selfish of me, but I'm thankful that I can have this time with Kyou-kun and Yuki-kun. Maybe I can get to know them even more, and somehow thank them for all their kindness. Maybe I can find a way to repay them. Ne, Mother?'

But this good start came to a bad finish as the next days passed. Yuki and Kyou didn't quarrel, but the strained civility with which they acted drove Tohru almost to distraction. She was convinced that she had done something, but despite racking her brain, nothing came to mind. All she could think was that they were tired of her, tired of being near her.

Absently, Tohru broke open another pod. She was being too selfish, she knew. Despite the smallness of the house, despite the now familiar pain that came with her hurts, and despite the meagerness of her surroundings, Tohru was genuinely happy. Her little 'family' was still intact. But she had been selfish, and only caused them more problems. A tear fell into the small bowl of green peas. The only way she could fix it all was to leave. If she left, then Kyou-kun and Sohma-kun could go back home and not be held back because of her.

Determined, Tohru stood up, ignoring the complaint from her ribs. Slipping into her coat, she gave the small room one last glance before closing the door behind her.

The sun had been set for at least an hour before Yuki finally made his way back to the house. He had come up with excuse after excuse to stay away longer, but finally it was the thought of that cat and Tohru alone together that drove him back. He just couldn't stand the atmosphere in there anymore. He felt so awkward when alone with her, and then so angry when the cat was there. Yuki wasn't used to the roller coaster of emotions he was feeling, and he certainly wasn't used to this mild rage that kept on sneaking out from him in the form of biting comments and sarcastic remarks. Even he had felt the excess of them. But it didn't help that every time he said something to Kyou, Tohru would try to make him feel better. Or that every time he'd walk in and find them together, Kyou's face would be beet red and Tohru would have that certain smile on her face.

More than anything, Yuki wanted to teach that idiot his place. He kept on waiting for the challenge to come, praying for it almost. But Kyou would continuously avoid him or stay silent in response to the provocations. It made Yuki even angrier.

He stood outside of the door a moment, and tried to collect his thoughts. It was like there had been a character reversal. Kyou was now the calm collected one, while he was the reactive fool. Yuki shook his head slightly; he wasn't making things any easier for Tohru. No wonder she was shying away from him. He was acting so strangely around her.

Yuki sighed loudly, the sound reverberating in the cold air. He'd make a point tonight to be civil, and to try to bring a smile to Tohru's face. With this new resolution, he opened the door firmly. Only one of the lamps was lit, and in the flickering shadows, Yuki's eyes could only make out Kyou slumped in the corner. His ears trained for the sound of a shower running, but nothing came.

Yuki shut the door behind him, the sound echoing too loudly. Kyou looked up surprised. He hadn't even noticed Yuki's entrance.

"Oi…nezumi, where's Tohru?"

Yuki started; where was Tohru? But he had left her here shucking pea pods, smiling.

"She didn't come with me," he replied quietly, already the worry showing through.

Kyou didn't make any response at first, his face hidden in the darkness. Yuki still stood by the door, holding his breath, the knowledge slowly sinking in. Kyou stood up suddenly, breathing heavily. He slammed his fist into the delicate lamp, the tiny pieces of crystal cascading to the wood floor in a waterfall of rainbows. In the complete darkness that now drowned the room, Yuki could hear his labored breathing growing near. A wet hand landed on his shoulder, the dampness from blood. Suddenly, Yuki felt frightened- not by Kyou, but by the strange feeling that was grabbing at his heart.

Tohru had left.

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The air outside of the house's weathered walls perspired heavily, its leaden fingers clinging to the ground's guests. A powerful front was coming in from the northern sea, clouding the horizon, and making the normally daylight afternoon seem far darker. A few of those clouds had settled themselves overhead, and, as a few still bodies gathered outside of the worn doors, the first of many tears began their descent from the heavens.

Hatori had waited until the very last second before coming to Akito. He had given the boys four full days; two more than he had promised. And for the first time in his life, he had avoided Akito's calls; he had stayed at Shigure's during all those infinitely long hours. Never had he felt so torn- torn between loyalty to the man who carried his life on his shoulders and to the boys he wanted to have a chance at happiness. But now the hesitation was gone. Now he would face Akito and tell him that he had disobeyed. Shigure had come with him without having to be asked. And Momiji had crept behind them, his usual exuberance abandoned by the stark looks on his older 'brothers'' faces.

Never before had the sliding doors appeared so foreboding. Never before had the feel of thin material between his fingers felt so heavy. And never before had the dark room's tangy musk tasted so like death. A flicker of lightening sent a momentary glimpse of Akito lying on the floor, his back to Hatori and the doors. Hatori knelt as was customary a respectful meter or two from Akito. Behind him, Shigure and Momiji did the same.

Minutes passed in silence but for the thunder and pounding of rain on the roof. Beside him, Momiji shifted impatiently. Why was everyone so somber? And why was Shigure looking so worried? Adult worries and concerns plagued his normally childish mind, and soon even Momiji's babyish face started to resemble the drawn ones around him.

"Hatori…you've been avoiding me." The low tone was neither threatening nor accusative, yet Hatori felt a chill crawl over his back all the same.

"Yes," he answered.

"Hatori…why have you been avoiding me?" again the low voice asked. Lightening lit up the room once again, and Akito's eyes were illuminated from across the room. He now sat facing them, his yukata open, revealing his white chest.

"Yuki and Kyou took Tohru and left."

For minutes more the silence drew. Hatori's clipped words had resonated but a second, and then the rustle of clothes met them, sealing the words away. Outside the rain grew heavier, hail now adding to the steady din. Thunder sounded, the windows rattling in their frames. Lightening struck once again and Hatori started in surprise, and yes, even fear- Akito was right in front of him.

"Hatori…you disobeyed me." The same calm tone he had kept all this time trembled slightly, the anger beginning to slide through.

"Akito, you should just let them go." Shigure's normally laughing voice echoed so strangely in its new adult tone.

Akito let go of Hatori's collar, and shuffled, head down, to where Shigure sat. Cupping Shigure's recently shaved face, Akito turned it gently to face his own.

"I should let them go, Shigure?" he asked, the trembling gone.

"Let them go. They'll come back." Shigure removed his face from Akito's white fingers. "Yuki always does."

"No! No, he won't!" Akito struck out at Shigure, his fist connecting with smooth cheek bones. "Not since that bitch came… not since she came! He thinks he doesn't need me anymore."

Just as quickly as the anger was there, it faded into grief. The boy/man who held all of them in his grip sunk to his knees, oblivious to the blood dripping down Shigure's cheek and Momiji's shocked face.

"Let them go…Shigure even you've turned against me. And Hatori- you disobeyed me. Let them go?!"

The switch came back and Akito reared up and swung his other fist. When his fist met not bone but a cupped hand, Akito stepped back surprised. Momiji stood in front of Hatori's stunned face, his yellow eyes wide in fear.

"Ne, ne…Akito, Hatori loves you." Momiji tried desperately to contain his fear. Slowly, his trademark smiled crawled across his pale face, the concerted effort finally working. "Ne?"

Akito stared at the boy who dared stop him. A smile crept across his own face, and as the room was brightened for a moment from the storm outside, Momiji's grin slipped, and a thin hand gripped his hair between its fingers. Jerking back the blondhead, Akito held Momiji's ear beside his lips.

"Hatori loves me. Shigure loves me. And you love me, you stupid bumbling rabbit. You must all love me. Even Yuki must love me. But that bitch has come between us. She took my Yuki from me, she even took my Hatori from me."

Momiji whimpered softly as Akito tightened his grip. "Remember Hatori what happened last time you let someone take your eyes off of me? Do you remember? She turned away from you in the end. They all will. They don't understand you like I do. And that stupid girl can't do a thing, but smile like an idiot and ignore reality!"

Pressing his lips against Momiji's ear, he spoke low enough only for the rabbit to hear. "Maybe I'll make it you…make it you who will get to break her…ne, Mo-mi-ji-kun?" he whispered tauntingly. "Maybe it'll be you who will get to hurt her. And you'll have to do it, because you'll do it for me…"

Letting go of the boy, he walked slowly back up to where he had lain. Turning his back to the doors, and to the three who waited for his next words, Akito listened to the rain start to slow. It much matched his own emotions.

"You will find them. You will bring them to me. And you will not disobey me. Do not forget what you owe me, do not forget that I die so that you can all live! Do not forget that."

Hatori bowed his head and Shigure looked away. Momiji looked to each of their faces desperately. Didn't they know what he would to them, to his Tohru? Neither met his eyes.

"What will you do to Tohru?" he asked finally, his terror flooding through.

For one last time, lightening flashed, the storm finally dying out. Still standing with his back to them, Akito answered almost pleasantly. "Only what's due."

And as the last raindrops tapped against the walls, Shigure felt a shudder break through. May they never be found, he silently prayed- may they never be found.

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A thick fog had slunk its way deep into the cliffs, the heavy haze coating the moss slick trees and their baring branches. Tohru had walked for hours without noticing her path or surroundings. Her thoughts had been in turmoil. Bits and pieces of conversations, of words said by friends and family echoed accusatively through her mind. For so long she had lived each day as one, thinking neither of the next or the one before. It was the simplest way to live, and perhaps the less thought-provoking. She never had to concern herself with regrets nor with future hopes not met. School was a daily thing and finishing high school was an easily enough met goal. Tohru needn't worry about anything past that. And by focusing all her energies on those around her, she didn't have to think about anything at all. Not about her mother, not about her father, not about that funeral…nor about the goodbyes she might someday have to make.

The ground beneath her feet had grown rocky and unsure, and as the daylight faded into the deepening fog, Tohru felt all the more acutely her injuries from that night. Even now, she couldn't bring herself to think something badly of the man who had beat her and left her bleeding, of the man who wanted her identity to be ripped away. It was easier that way. It was easier to just think the best of everyone and everything; it was easier to just slip whatever blame there might be onto her own shoulders. That way, confrontation would never be met and no one's feelings would be hurt. That way, she wouldn't be hurt.

Tohru…you can't hide forever. You'll need to grow, you'll need to change. It's the way of things.

Hana-chan had said those words, and as usual Tohru had nodded and smiled, tucking them away. Before- before coming here, Hana-chan had been saying more and more things about growing up, about facing reality. She had even said-

"No…she didn't mean it," Tohru said aloud in the fog. Her arms tingled from the chill in the air, and she felt so dizzy.

Kyouko is gone, Tohru. She wouldn't have wanted you to stop living, to stop trying to make yourself happy.

But Uo-chan didn't understand! She was happy…honestly she was. But what about afterwards? What about when school's over and they leave you?

Inwardly, Tohru cringed. Her mind always had a question for her answers. But if Kyou and Yuki wanted to leave, if they were happy…then that was fine. You shouldn't lie like that Tohru. No! She wasn't lying, and that's why she had left. They weren't happy. You're lying again.

"Ie! I'm not lying Mother! I'm not…" Tohru braced a free hand against a tree limb, the rough bark breaking at her touch.

Tohru, you need to start moving forward. You need to let go…you need to put that picture to rest.

But she couldn't just let her mother go…if she did that, then what was left? You! There's still you. You're breathing, walking, talking, feeling, thinking- you're alive, Tohru! Quit hiding behind others and start using 'I' when you speak. Do what makes you happy!

"But Mother-" the dizziness had increased, and her stomach felt weak. Tohru crumbled to her knees, hugging herself.

Don't be a coward, Tohru.

Why apologize when you've done nothing worth apologizing for?

If you keep on saying you're sorry, then nothing you do is worth anything!

It's ok if you complain, or if you're sad. It's ok, because it's you.

You shouldn't have to cry alone.

Tohru gripped her coat sleeves, the pain in her head being replaced with something not physical. Why all these questions? She just wanted everyone to be happy, she just wanted to help! Honestly, that's all she wanted. And she was happy, honestly, she was. She just hated it when she messed up, or said the wrong thing, or caused a problem, or when she was stupid, or-

It shouldn't matter, not if it makes you happy. When you're loved, all of you is loved. Even as you accept those around you, you should let them accept you in return. Fully, unconditionally, wonderfully. Tohru…give them a chance, ne?

"Mother…I don't understand at all." Tohru felt so weak. Everything was losing shape in the fog, and her coat was wet inside and out. Another spell of dizziness hit her, and she stretched out her hand to gain some balance. But her hand only met air, and as she started to fall forward into the wall of fog in front of her, regret took over her heart.

I didn't get a chance to understand, Mother. I might have tried to…

Hidden in the fog, the storm that had just died on the Sohma grounds, re-awoke. In the hiss of lightening, and the screams of thunder that reverberated through the air, the fog swallowed the small body of a girl wrapped in a blue coat, her face calm and her eyes closed; devoured the misshapen form of a house newly made a home; and drowned out the calls of two boys, searching in an endless sea of nothingness.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Well, here's another chapter. Next week's preview:

"Did you ever think that you might have been hurting them?"

"Nayoko-san?"

"Please, don't leave us, leave me, Tohru…"

And to all my reviewers:

ZelgadisGirl13-> wow, someone else who's as violent as I am. Lol. Thanks for reviewing. I hope you like this chapter.

Ssjgoddesschico: I just marked up another tally. And yep. Akito had a reshowing.

Serena B: Thanks so much for your review. I love it when they're long J. And again, arigato about Akito. I did some research this time around, and yeah, Akito's just the figurehead from what I gather.

Xyz: I try. *wink*

' Pseudonym Sylphmouse: I brought in Momiji! However, I always felt that Momiji was one of those characters that simply isn't given enough in depth knowledge about. He's so childlike, yet his thoughts and emotions are very much like that of an adult. I'm glad you enjoy my writing. I tend to put a little bit of myself in the depictions of the characters, to make them more personable.

Diane Long: Arigato, arigato, arigato!

MetaLise: To be honest, I really don't like Kagura/Kyou pairings, simply because Kagura is so unstable. I like her a lot, however, I think she would need someone more like Yuki in personality. Not that I'm setting up Kagura and Yuki- please no. I'm still deciding actually if there will even be an actual pairing.

KittenO5: Yuki, girly? Heehee. Poor Yuki has such a complex about his effeminate looks too.

Yuki: Nanda?!?

Carpet: Come on, Yuki! You look so kawai!!! *eye glistening*

Yuki: *aneurism* Baka carpet.

Carpet: *glomps Yuki* Oops!

Mouse Yuki: Baka carpet!

Carpet: Aw! I have a Barbie dress that'd fit you perfect!

Steph: So many Kyou/Tohru fans! Yare, yare…don't know what I'll do.

Mar: Don't we all? I actually feel bad for him, but he's in serious need of a spanking. Spare the rod, spoil the child.