Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Broken ❯ Healing ( Chapter 9 )

No snappy lines this time... I don't own anything here except the idea behind the story.

Broken ~ Chapter 9 ~ Healing

Nocturnem's Koneko

Kyou awakened on the night before New Years Eve to silence. He laid still for a few minutes trying to figure out what had woken him. Had Tohru cried out? No, if she had, he'd already be on his feet moving to the door. He looked over at the clock on his bedside. Three am. He smiled softly to himself thinking that maybe she was finally getting through a night without dreams. But he was awake now, with his bladder demanding he do something about it, so he might as well check on her as he passed by her room. He stood and made his way to the bathroom. On the return trip, he stopped at her door and slid it open a crack. The moon was bright enough to light the entire room. He looked toward her bed. She wasn't there. "Ok, no need to panic," he said inside his own head, "she probably just got up to get something to drink or something." He looked toward Yuki's room. She wouldn't have gone in there, both he and Shigure along with the rest of the Juunishi were already at the main house. He'd stayed behind so she wouldn't be alone, and she hadn't gone yet, because Hatori had basically said she was not to put herself through anymore strain than necessary. She was to show up, make her appearance at the new year's celebration and then leave as quickly as she could.

He walked down the stairs and looked around the dining room area, no sign of the girl in the dining room, so he moved on to the kitchen. He was not in the least bit prepared for what he found when he reached the doorway.

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Tohru had felt a wave of relief when everyone had left for the main house. Kyou was still here with her, but he wasn't as overwhelming as all the younger set could be. The strain of holding herself together was starting to wear on her and she'd retired early to get a bath and go to bed. Kyou had given her a smile that showed he understood and remained downstairs watching television. She'd sunk into the tub, careful to keep her cast out of the water. Then she'd finally relaxed. She forced every bad and menacing feeling from her mind and just lived for the moment as her muscles slowly relaxed. She lay there thinking of nothing for a long time. Finally, the water becoming cold brought her out of her stupor. She stood up carefully and stepped out of the tub onto the floor mat and wiped herself off before changing into her pajamas. She brushed her teeth and combed her hair through, then walked to her room closing the door behind her. She lay in the silent darkness of her room for a long time, simply looking at the ceiling and trying to focus on her breathing as Kyou'd been teaching her. It helped to keep her centered, focused on what lay ahead, not what lay behind. When those thoughts threatened she pushed them away.

She heard Kyou come up the stairs as she was drifting off to sleep. She listened to him go through his normal routine and then heard the door to his room open and close. She smiled inwardly as she thought of him. He'd been the only one of the Juunishi that wasn't treating her like an invalid. Well, not normally. He'd become more careful of what he said, and kept his tone more gentle than normal and it had become a regular occurrence for her to wake up in his arms. But, if she said she needed to clean or cook, he didn't interfere like the others did. He was giving her space to do things the way she felt they needed to be done. He also made sure the others did the same. He was the last thing in her thoughts as she drifted into slumber.

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She'd woken with a start from the dream she was having. She listened for Kyou. He wasn't moving. She hadn't screamed this time. That was a good thing. Tears threatened and she let them flow, secure in the knowledge that he wouldn't see them. She thought about the dream and the visit to the main house the next day, and then more about the dream. Were these things never going to go away? Was she ever going to be able to move on? She got out of bed slowly and walked carefully down the hall to the stairs. Maybe some warm milk would help. She was shivering as she walked, but not from the cold. The dreams were getting more and more vivid. She could feel him and smell him as he took her and took her. She reached the kitchen still crying softly and slid down the cabinet doors. She couldn't do this tomorrow. She couldn't face him. All she wanted was release from the pain he'd brought her and release from him. Release? There was one way to find release. She reached above her head and opened the drawer above her. She grabbed the handle of the first knife she found and pulled it out, then closed the drawer. She looked at the blade for a long time. Holding it, considering it. She could make all this pain go away, all this pity go away. She was tainted now, unworthy of any of the Sohma's. Akito had put his filthy hands all over her and made her as unclean as he was. They all worried about her and helped her, but she couldn't help but believe that they thought less of her now. Akito had ruined her. He'd taken from her all that was good, and filled her with all these twisted horrible feelings and tears that never seemed to end. It had to stop, it had to. She laid the blade at the side of her arm, closing her eyes tightly as if hoping that if she didn't watch it wouldn't hurt as much. Just as she got ready to make the cut, voice cut the silence.

~~~~~~

"What in the hell do you think your doing?" Kyou's voice sounded rough even to himself. Tohru looked up at him her face savaged by tear tracks. She backed away from him as he entered the room, the blade still held in her casted hand against her good arm, the tears still flowing freely. "I...I..."

"You what?" He snapped at her, his voice rising. He reached where she was and in one fluid movement swept the blade from her fingers and threw it across the room embedding it into a wall point first. Tohru burst out in tears. Kyou crouched down in front of her, his anger evaporating in his need to comfort her, and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her to her knees to meet him. "Come on lady, talk to me. You've been bottling up way too much. I haven't pushed. I haven't asked. But, if you're gonna heal, you've got to let it out. You can't keep hiding it all inside and letting it fester like this." "I'm so... hor...rible, Kyou. Dirty. His filthy hands touched me. They, they..." Whatever they had done, was lost in a wave of hysterical sobs. Kyou slid a hand under her knees and carried her back up to her room. "Tohru, calm down, you're going to make yourself sick." She just shook her head violently at his words. "Put me down Kyou, and go away, you deserve someone that hasn't been ruined, someone who is worth more than I am."

He sat down on her bed and pulled her carefully to him. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm exactly where I want to be. Let me help you, Tohru. Talk to me." She remained silent for a long time and then the words started tumbling forth. She'd started her story stumblingly and he'd had to listen closely to catch the words through her tears. Gradually her voice grew stronger only to fall to a hoarse whisper when she reached the point of the actual rapes. It was all Kyou could do to hold his temper as she spoke. The bastard had raped her three times. Not just once, but three times. And he'd sadistically tortured her on top of that. As her story was told, he'd held her tighter and tighter. But he hadn't interrupted or let a single sign of his own anger flow through. He'd just held her, whispering reassurances when she broke down, waiting for her to be able to talk again when she was ready. Finally her voice fell silent when she reached the point of getting to her mother's grave. "I don't remember anything after laying down, just hazy half images, until I woke up here." She pulled away from him to sit on the other side of the bed, her back to him as she stared out the window. There were still tears falling from her eyes. "Now do you understand? I'm not clean Kyou. You should just go, I'm unworthy to be around any of you." Kyou just stared at her back unmoving. "I can't go Tohru."

She turned to face him. "Please...Kyou." He shook his head. "I couldn't leave you if I wanted to Tohru, which I don't. I told you I'd be here for you and I am. This...this has changed nothing. You are in no way responsible for what he did to you. He is the monster, not you." She shook her head. Kyou held her eyes for a moment. Was it too soon? Gods, he wanted to hold her, kiss her, show her that she was just as beautiful to him now as she was before this whole mess. He leaned forward slowly, lifting a hand to brush a few tendrils of hair that had fallen into her face out of the way and brushed a soft kiss to her lips, then pulled back just enough to give her a chance to object. The move shocked her out of her tears and she gasped at the feather light touch on her lips. When he didn't hear any objections, he kissed her again, taking advantage of her mouth being open slightly. He felt her tense against him as he moved closer to her, moving his lips gently over her own, his tongue just barely gliding onto her lips. Slowly he felt the tension slide out of her and she answered his kiss opening her mouth to let his tongue slide inside to gently sweep across her tongue and teeth. He pulled back when he needed to breathe and gave her a chance to move in the process. She just stared at him when he moved away, her hand touching her lips.

"Tohru." She looked at him, but there didn't seem to be fear in her eyes. She lifted the hand that had been at her lips to his face hesitantly and then smiled as he closed his eyes at her touch. He reached out taking her casted arm and pulled her slowly to him, wrapping her in a gentle embrace. She smelled of salt and the strawberry shampoo she used in her hair. He looked down at her and brushed her lips again applying a gentle pressure and begging for entrance with his tongue. She responded hesitantly, opening her own mouth slowly and bringing her hands up to settle on his shoulders and then wrap around his neck. The kiss built slowly growing deeper and more heated gradually, yet never losing it's gentle quality. Kyou broke the kiss as he pulled her down on top of him, putting her effectively in control of the situation. His voice was soft, yet hoarse as he spoke "Let me love you, Tohru. Let me show you all the things I can't say. Let me show you what loving really is. Let me bury those memories with good ones for you." Her nod was hesitant as she lowered her head, brushing his lips with her own as she felt his arms circle her waist. She could hear her mother's voice in the back of her head. "Life isn't always fair, Tohru. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. When life knocks you down, you have to stand back up. Its the bad parts of life that make us stronger. Its how we deal with the bad things that makes us the people we become."

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Kyou woke as the sun hit him fully in the eyes. He opened them slowly, and smiled down at the girl laying on his chest, her legs still entwined with his. He closed his eyes again and breathed in her scent as he wrapped his arms around her prone form. He simply enjoyed the feel of her in his arms before looking over at the clock. They had to be at the main house at two. It was 9:30 now. They both needed to get cleaned up and get some breakfast before the walk, maybe change the sheets on the bed before the whole family knew by scent what had happened in here last night. He looked at her again. She was wearing his t-shirt, her hair was fanned around her face. He could feel himself beginning to react to her presence. It was definitely time to start the day. He brushed a kiss across her forehead before carefully extricating himself from her hold. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he reached down and picked up his pajama bottoms. He slid them over his legs and then stood, turning to face the bed. He pulled the covers back over her carefully and headed out of the room.

Once he got downstairs, he headed to the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of milk, drinking from it as he moved around the kitchen gathering the ingredients for breakfast. When he'd managed to get breakfast cooked and she still hadn't appeared, he debated his options. She'd like breakfast in bed, he finally decided and loaded the food onto a tray and headed back up the stairs. He entered the room to find her just waking.

Tohru woke up at the sound of her door being pushed open. She felt for Kyou almost instinctively, and not finding him she opened her eyes, a momentary panic setting in, and shifted so she could look around the room. Her eyes found him at the door, breakfast tray in hand. As she rubbed one eye sleepily, she smiled at him and beckoned him to her with the other. He complied, walking to her bedside with the tray in his hands. He breathed a sigh of relief at her welcome. He'd worried more than a bit while cooking that she'd be angry with him over everything that had gone on last night. He'd braced himself for rejection, but it had been unwarranted. As he sat the tray across her lap, she tilted her head up and brushed a soft kiss across his lips. "Good morning, Kyou."

Once Tohru finished her breakfast, Kyou sent her to the shower while he washed up the dishes. He finished up the last dish just as he heard her yell down the stairs, "Kyou, shower's free." He headed up the stairs and moved through his morning routine, still on a high from the night before. He'd gotten dressed and combed his hair and brushed his teeth before going to her room. Apparently, she'd had the same idea about changing the sheets as he did, because he found her in her room holding them as she stared out the window. Her face looked troubled, the happiness that had been there as she had eaten breakfast gone. Kyou walked to her, putting his arms around her from behind. "I don't think I can do this today, Kyou." Her voice was strained. Kyou turned her to face him, taking the sheets from her arms as he did so. He dropped them on the floor and pulled her into his arms. He spoke with his chin resting just on the side of her head, his hand stroking her hair "You aren't doing this alone, Tohru. We are. I am always here for you. You have to do this. I know it sounds cold, but you have to do this. Until you face the demons, you can't defeat them. You won't be able to move on until you've faced him. I will be right beside you. When it gets to be to much, we will face those demons together." He felt her nod against his jaw line and then she pulled back.

She bent to pick up the sheets and moved away from him to the door way. He picked up the fresh set of sheets she had laid out and quickly made the bed before joining her downstairs. She met him at the door. He held out a hand to her and she took it. She looked up at him, "I love you, Kyou." "I love you too, Tohru." He slid open the door, pausing only to close and lock it. They headed out toward the main house hand in hand, secure in the knowledge that even if New Years was a total disaster, no matter what Akito had planned, they'd survive.