Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Buried Secrets: The Memoirs of a Sohma ❯ A Nightmare Come True ( Chapter 15 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

BURIED SECRETS: The Memoirs of a Sohma
A Fruits Basket Fanfic

Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess


AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Welcome to Year Three. A new school year is under way. With the meaning behind the necklace revealed, Sierra is trying hard to feel comfortable in her new home. But when a nightmare becomes a harsh reality, is there any way out other than death? WARNING: RAPE and SUICIDAL TENDANCIES. Plus much more angst. A Standard Disclaimer appears at the end of the chapter.


Chapter 15 - A Nightmare Come True




My daily routine changed little in my new environment. I rose with the alarm (something I've always done, but hated), bathed, ate breakfast and dressed (most days simultaneously), and went to school. Most days I would walk, but since Hatori went into town once a week, he'd drop me off at school or pick me up depending on his schedule.

Chidori and Sakura would meet me at the gate in the mornings. The first morning they saw Hatori, they wouldn't stop asking questions about him. Was he the uncle I talked so much about? How old was he? Was he single? I told them he was my cousin, hopelessly single and too old for them. Sakura let it go, but I think Chidori was smitten. And she hadn't even talked to him!

School didn't change at all. As the days went on, the teachers assigned more homework, gave more tests and quizzes and more projects needed to be completed. I looked forward to lunch break and study hall. Some times I even looked forward to gym class. A great relief of stress! Student council activities kept me busy at least one night of the week, and I found myself taking to my new position quite nicely. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

Those evenings when I didn't have to stay late at school, I would sit with Akito. We would have tea, then our evening meals. Our relationship had progressed somewhat and it was very disconcerting. Knowing about the necklace didn't help either. He was usually very cordial, polite, and for the most part, calm. He had his days like everyone else, but sometimes the calm was...frightening.

Almost like my nightmares.

I had hoped they would stop once I settled into the main house. But after a month, they didn't. In fact, they got worse. I think my imagination was trying to run away from me. In my situation, I could hardly blame it, but it didn't make my life any easier.

Often Akito would sense my hesitation, the tensing of my body or the shortness in my voice. Usually he waved it off. Sometimes he would even do something most would consider uncharacteristic to get me to relax. But on occasion he would be just as hesitant or wary as me. I think there were times when he thought his game would backfire on him. I had hoped it would.

But it came back to haunt me.

Just like my nightmares.

And that fateful night.

I had crawled into bed like any other night. Tomorrow was a school day. The end of the week. And what a week it had been! With the cultural festival fast approaching, my evenings had been spent at school helping to prepare. I was so tired till I got home that I barely touched my homework or my evening meal.

Also fortunate was that Akito had taken ill with a cold. Change in season, or so Hatori claimed. Still, it was enough to give me some reprieve, some time to myself.

My thoughts that night were the same as the night before. Please don't let there be a pop quiz tomorrow! Then I'd say a quick good night to Yuki and fall asleep.

But asleep...that's where he always found me.

I'd had this dream before. The door to my room slowly opens, making no sound. In steps a shadowed figure, quietly. The door then closes as silently as it opened. The figure would stand by my door, just watching. Creepy...and odd. Sometimes the shadow would whisper my name. I would shiver in response, but make no other move.

I can feel the shadow move closer, my body clenching in fear. I know when he's close and I shut my eyes tighter. There's a touch on my shoulder, my upper arm. Still I stay still, unmoving. I hear my name again, this time in my ear. It's then that I wake up, my body going into a fight or flight response. Adrenaline rushing through my sytem I jolt into awareness.

It felt so real!

Yet, it was only a dream.

And when I opened my eyes, to confirm to myself that it was only a dream, he was there.

My eyes widened until I was certain they'd pop from their sockets. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out. My very first thought was my dream. My nightmare.

Then I thought of Yuki. Was this how it all happened? Had it been the same for him? The fear? The unknown?

"Akito-san?" I whispered.

He said nothing, made no move to get closer. He only smiled. I thought that perhaps he was sleep walking. Hatori had said he'd been very ill lately. I hadn't seen him in nearly a week. But there was something -- it was hard to see in the dark -- in his eyes that said he was not sleep walking.

I continued to talk, whispering, so as to get him to snap out of whatever strange funk he was in. It was creepy to say the least. "You haven't been well. You shouldn't be up and about, especially this late at night." What time was it anyway?

His smile turned into a frown, but he still didn't move. "I had a bad dream."

His voice was so low, his tone childish, I wasn't sure what to make of it. "A bad dream?"

"Hai," he replied. "I dreamed that you'd left me. That you ran away." He sighed, his frown becoming a smile once again. "But you're right here."

I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look at him. "That's right. I'm right here."

"You're not leaving me?"

"No." At least not right at the moment.

"You don't want to run away?"

"No," I replied, although my first instinct was to flea. "I'm not going anywhere."

His sighed again. I felt the bed dip on my left, meaning he'd seated himself. Now that he was closer, I could see him better through the shadows. His head tilted slightly to the right when he asked, "Why aren't you wearing the necklace?"

What's with the Spanish Inquisition all of a sudden? Was the necklace all he's worried about? "I take it off when I sleep," I explained. "I don't want it to get broken or lost while I toss and turn." I paused. "I've lost several pieces of jewelry that way." I nodded towards the nightstand on my left. "It's laying right there."

He looked at my nightstand and was seemingly placated by my answer. The necklace was in clear view, the chain shining slightly in the dim light of a nearby window. "So it is."

I laid back down in bed with a sigh. "Feel better?"

He shook his head, turning his dark eyes towards me. "No, there's one more thing."

"Another dream?" I asked curiously.

"Mm-hmm." The bed shifted slightly as he leaned closer. "You could say that."

I was shocked wide awake by his nearness, the warmth of his breath brushing against my face. My body stiffened, all of my senses on heightened alert. "Did you...wish to talk about it?"

He was so close, the mattress at my back giving me no reprieve, no chance to escape. I sunk deeper into the mattress, his weight coming down on me as his hands pressed against the sheets on either side of my shoulders. I felt his breath against my lips, then my cheek, moving lower until it lightly caressed my ear.

"Actually," he whispered. "It might be easier if I showed you."

And he did.

Although, I'm not certain I was alone with a man. More like a demon possessed. The meager covers I used to conceal myself from the warm night vanished, ripped away to reveal that which it covered. His breath grew heavier, as did his weight. It took what I had left to suppress a shiver of fear as I felt the light brush of his lips against my neck. Fear mixed with disgust as his tongue licked a small path upwards to my ear.

"It might...really be easier...." I stuttered pathetically. "If you just told me."

Akito lifted so that he could look me in the eye. "Don't talk," he commanded, his voice far from the childish tone moments before.

"But--"

Anger lit his eyes as he replied, "I said, be quiet."

"But--"

My obstinance earned me swift punishment. In order to get the silence he craved, Akito covered my mouth with his. His lips were hard against mine, demanding what I was unwilling to give. His tongue teased my upper lip, his teeth biting into my lower lip commanding compliance.

Another shiver coursed down my spine, but I couldn't stop it. My body shook with fear until the fight response weakened me enough for him to gain what he wanted. I simply shut my eyes, hoping to block out the terrible feelings, the nervous nausea.

My shorts and t-shirt were little hindrance to his seeking hands. His grip was tighter than I'd ever felt it, his fingertips bruising whatever piece of flesh they touched. My stomach. My hips. My arms. My shoulders. My chest. What he sought he found, leaving behind tiny remembrances that would physically fade over time, but remained burned in my memory forever.

My brain screamed at me to fight back. I was not one to, for lack of a better phrase, take it lying down. But the fear that gripped my body froze me, forbid me to move. His weight and forceful hands did the same. Realizing there was no escape, I did the only other thing I could.

I cried.

"Are those tears of happiness?" he asked me, whispering in my ear as both of his hands divested me of whatever clothing remained. "Are you happy to be here with me?"

I felt myself naked under him, just before I felt the touch of his skin against mine. I shivered involuntarily and bit back a sob. My silence didn't seem to be a problem as his questions went unanswered. He continued with his 'explanation' and I tried to lead my brain away from the horrible caresses, the disgusting kisses and awful groping.

"Stop...onegai...onegaishimasu."

I pulled forth memories of my time with Haru. Cherished memories of a very special time. I remembered the gentleness, the caring. I even dared to call it love. I tried to think of the person above me as the man I grew to love. Tried to picture myself anywhere but where I was.

But with each stroke of his fingers I was brought back into reality. With each kiss a treasured memory turned sour. And as if he knew, Akito reveled in it. My pain. My sorrow. This demon was the true god of the zodiac. An uncaring god. An unloving god.

"You will never leave me," he whispered against my shoulder. "Never."

The tears fell harder as my sobs subsided. Eventually I just laid there, unmoving, clutching the sheets beneath me in a death-like grip. Akito hardly cared, or didn't take notice. He was focused specifically on one goal...and it certainly wasn't me.

"I'll make you love me. You will. You WILL!"

My body reacted only when the moment of true horror came. He pressed his hips into mine, his hands forcing my knees and thighs as far apart as they would go. I bit my bottom lip, not in joyous anticipation, but in preparation of pain.

My first time had been painful, but I'd been distracted. There was no distraction this time. No warmth or love. Just a searing pain the coursed along my spine until I saw it as a ball of light in my head. I bit my lip harder, tasting copper in my mouth. Akito's hand covered my mouth as I opened it, but that didn't stop me.

I screamed.

Then the ball of light exploded.

And when the light faded, I felt nothing.

When I woke up the next morning, the sun shining clearly into my eyes, I was alone. There was no indication that Akito had ever been inside my room. No hint as to what had transpired. At least not on the outside. I was served breakfast by a very curious, yet nervous, servant. he asked me if I was all right.

"You look quite pale," she commented.

"I...didn't sleep well last night," was my pathetic response.

"Would you like to stay in today?"

I shook my head. There was no way in hell I was staying at the house. Not after.... I went about getting ready for school, taking extra special care in the shower and as I dressed. My body complained the entire day. I spent half my day at the nurses office, passing off what physical pain I felt as menstrual cramps. It was as close as I could get to the truth without actually admitting it. Thankfully, she didn't question what bruises and marks she found, although I knew she wanted to. Very badly wanted to.

All I wanted to do was forget.

I tried to act as if nothing happened. I went about my usual routines, saying nothing and giving excuses if someone noticed a bruise or mark. The servants who usually waited on me were nervous as well as concerned. They were very genuine, for which I am still grateful, but I couldn't help but put on the act.

I forced myself to smile. Willed myself to relax around my friends. To enjoy my time at or away from the Honke. I clung to school and school activities like a lifeline. They were all I had to take my mind off the gruesome details of that night.

Even my memories of Haru were not enough by themselves.

When it came time for my uncle's birthday party nearly two weeks later, my excuses sounded lame, even to my own ears. The bruises were healing, most of them gone or on the verge of disappearing. But my uncle isn't as stupid as he'd have you believe. Oh no. He knew my happiness was a facade, that my smile was a sham. I really wished I could've talked to him about it. I really do. But after what had happened, all the things said (or rather, unsaid) between us before I moved out, the trust just wasn't there.

It didn't stop him from asking, however.

"How do you like living at the main house, Sei-chan?"

I shrugged, trying to be polite. "It's all right."

His eyebrows arched in surprise. "Just all right?! Not amazing? Not wonderful? Not splendid?!"

"It's a house," I replied flatly.

"It's a fairly ancient house," he pointed out. "Full of traditional things...and servants...!"

"It's not THAT exciting." I sighed. "Give me a European castle any day."

He pouted playfully. "But castles are so dank...and dark."

Yep. Just like my mood. "So?"

"Gure-san! It's time to open presents!"

"YAY! Coming Aya!" My uncle turned to me in the doorway before leaving me alone in the kitchen. He gave me the "serious" look. "I know things are somewhat...strained...between us. But if something's wrong, I'll listen."

Uh-huh. Then run right to Akito. Or so I thought. I shook my head in response. "It's nothing I can't handle," I told him, stirring the iced tea I had come into the kitchen to get in the first place. "Really. Things are fine. Just fine."

Just fine. Maybe if I had kept telling myself that, I would've believed it.

Oh wait! I did!

It was strange that after keeping that night all to myself for nearly three weeks, I finally went to see a doctor. I figured I had healed enough to take the chance.

And Hatori was adamant about my having a physical examination done.

Nothing detailed, as he had gotten my records from my doctor at home, but I hadn't updated any shots for a while and apparently there was one vaccination that had been missed. So, despite my large dislike for needles of any kind, I walked into his office with a bright smile.

But the doctor was way to smart.

And he knew me better than anyone else.

So why did I find it so difficult to tell Hatori about that night?

"Sierra?" The fact that he used my first name was a sign he was upset. Not quite angry, but getting there. If he used my middle name, I was in REAL trouble.

"It's nothing," I said, shaking my head.

"I know a discussion like this can be embarrassing. But this is not normal damage." He sighed, eyeing me carefully. Apparently there was still a large bruise on my knee I hoped could be overlooked. "Bruises like these, even the remnants of them, are caused by extreme pressure or force."

Yeah, it had been force all right. "I got careless."

The look on his face told me, clearly, he wasn't convinced. He stood from his chair and approached the table where I sat. I glanced up at him as he towered over me.

"Lie down."

My panic was obvious. "Wha-? Why?!"

"I want to check one more thing."

"I'm fine," I stated, refusing to lie down. I crossed my arms over my chest and sat up straight.

"I don't think so," he replied flatly, mirroring my actions.

"I'm fine," I said, tears forming my eyes. "I'm...fine. Just...." One hot tear burned a trail down my cheek, followed by another, and another. "Fine...."

And like a little child, I started to cry.

How do you tell someone about a mental wound larger than any phsyical one?

I felt, rather than saw, Hatori move closer to me. His hand brushed some of my hair aside, his fingers brushing against the back of my neck. He sat beside me on the table, his other hand resting on my shoulder. It was as close to a hug I was going to get.

"It was Akito, wasn't it?" It was a question, although it sounded more like a statement.

My answer was to cry harder.

"I'm sorry, Sei." He patted my shoulder. "So sorry."

It took a while but I finally calmed down. I think I fell asleep actually. When I woke up, I was still in the room, still on the examination table. Hatori explained that he'd given me a quick look over while I was passed out. Probably for the best, too, cause I don't think I would've been able to strip for my older cousin. It would be like...stripping for my uncle. Gross!

He also ran a quick pregnancy test.

It came back negative.

As embarrassed as I was, I was also relieved. I managed to mumble a 'thank you' before he escorted me from the room. I walked back to my room feeling somewhat...apprehensive. I wasn't sure I liked what Hatori had done, grateful as I am now. If he knew, that meant my uncle would find out. And for some reason, I just couldn't stand the thought of that.

At least...I didn't have to deal with it alone, and that was a relief in itself. Hatori would sit and listen any time I needed to talk. He even stopped to check on me in the afternoons after he had finished seeing Akito. Kureno also made it a habit to look in on me, mostly when I wasn't paying attention. Often he would interrupt Akito's late afternoon tea or our evening meals to make sure I was all right.

It was strange, but Akito never mentioned that night. Not once did he tease or insinuate. To him, it was a dream. Something that had never really come to pass.

I wish...I wish I could've blocked it out like that.

To this day, I still wish it.

After a while, I think I did.



The announcement was made two weeks before summer break, taking everyone in the family by surprise, including myself. It was then I knew it hadn't been a bad dream. I remembered everything as if it had happened only yesterday. It only made my tears fall faster that day.

The day I learned that I would one day be wed to the devil himself.

To Akito.

School was buzzing with the news the following Monday. Apparently not only was there a big announcement to the family, but a rather ornate one placed in the local newspapers as well. Lovely. It was the first day of school all over again as question after question poured in. And over and over I gave the same answer.

"It was arranged between my father and Akito. I knew about it as soon as you did."

Most of the students accepted this and moved on. But my friends...well they were a different matter. They had not only one question...but several....

"Sooo...tell us about this guy?!" Chidori prodded over lunch. "Have you met him?"

I nodded. "On...a number of occasions."

"And?!" Sakura goaded with a delirious smile.

My friends were WAY too excited about this. "And what?"

"Is he handsome?"

I paused in thought. Come to think of it, Akito was handsome, if you thought evil could look good. I shrugged.

"Well, he's...not an eyesore."

Sakura took that as a cue to prod some more. "What's he look like?"

A lot like Yuki, but I left that unsaid. Wouldn't those fangirls be jealous! "He's of average height, slim build." I paused again. "Dark hair, cut slightly shorter in the front than back, and dark eyes."

"Wow," Chidori said with a whistle. "Sounds like one sexy devil."

I couldn't help but snicker. Oh if they only knew! "You have NO idea."

"So, what does he do? Is he a college student?"

I shook my head. "He runs the family business. Big CEO stuff."

My friends' eyes widened, but it was Chidori that asked, "How old IS he?"

I tried to do the math in my head, but ended up guessing, "Twenty-five...I think."

"So young," Sakura exclaimed.

"And a prominent businessman!"

"I'll bet he's rich too."

Chidori nodded. "Loaded."

They continued to chat even after I tuned them out and tried to concentrate on class work. I'm glad they were excited about it. Really. Someone had to be.

I certainly wasn't.

My family's reaction was mixed. My parents were "so darn proud" and my father couldn't stop talking about how wonderful it would be. He still had no idea mother had cheated on him, and I didn't have the heart to burst his bubble no matter how badly I wanted to do it. He told me mother was designing my wedding kimono. I was grateful...sort of. Less money would be spent that way.

No doubt Akito would have to approve, too, control freak that he is....

Ayame practically burst at the seems when he heard the news. As much as I think it was an act, it was also sincere. He was disappointed when he learned that my mother was designing my wedding kimono, but I asked him to create something special for the wedding night. Wouldn't you know, he eagerly accepted!

Too bad I'll never get to see it.

Hatori's reaction was the complete opposite of Ayame's. His frown only got deeper and those worry lines around his eyes grew longer. As if the man didn't have enough to worry about. He muttered how ridiculous it was and asked time and again if I was okay with the arrangement. I was honest when I answered no, but there was little either of us could do to change the situation.

Shigure's immediate response was...hesitation. He really looked genuinely surprised by the announcement and had come over to the Honke to confirm the news in person. He congratulated me, although it was only half-hearted. I don't think this had been part of his plan, but he had to know it was coming, right? He did know what Akito had planned for me after all.

Kagura was surprised, as was Kisa, who promptly started to cry. "You can't marry him," she sobbed into my lap, despite the fact that she was nearly as tall as me. "It's not right!" Hiro agreed with her and Momiji sent his condolences, promising to kidnap me the day before. I knew he couldn't keep his promise, but it was a nice thought. I've never been to Germany.

Ritsu cried even harder than Kisa. Which made Kisa cry more. Then I started to cry and well...yeah....

Kureno acted as if it wasn't news at all, although he did tend check on me more often. He probably did it to keep peace with Akito, but still show concern for me. It was touching in that overprotective, big brother sort of way.

Tohru had sent a letter expressing both congratulations and regret. Ever the optimist was she. And ever polite, although I'm not sure someone would appreciate being called "a snake in the grass" other than Ayame. I only wish she could've said it in person. Arisa and Hana-chan also sent congrats and sympathy.

I never did hear from Haru...or Rin.

But it was Kyo's response that was the most...interesting.

"So it's not just an ugly rumor," he asked when I visited.

"Nope. He's dead serious."

Kyo snorted. "Too bad he's not just dead."

"Who knows," I speculated with some optimism of my own. "Maybe I'll kill him on our wedding night."

Another snort. "Now THAT would be the perfect ending. The bastard...." He looked at me seriously. "You're really going to go through with it?"

I shrugged, uncommitted. "I don't know."

He looked incredulous. "What do ya mean, 'I don't know'?!"

His aggressive response brought out the aggressive side in me. "Well...it's not like I WANT to," I answered, trying to keep my voice down so only he could hear. I deflated quickly, uncertainty, fear and self-loathing weighing me down. "But what choice do I have? My father's agreed to this, Kyo-kun. I can't just back out." I paused, again trying to be optimistic. "Besides, he could die before the end of the term. There's still time."

Kyo sighed, less than satisfied with my answer. "Bastard's too stubborn to die," he muttered.

So then what was I supposed to do? Hide? What good would that have done? Run away? A possibility, but I'd have nowhere else to go.

Kill myself?!

Well...it had worked for Yuki.

But...could I really do it? Me, with a fear of death larger than Canada?

One morning, just before summer break, I grabbed a razor blade from my bathroom carry-all for no reason at all. It was practically new. I'd only used it once. The blade was still nice and sharp. I stared at it for some time, wondering what it would be like. A single cut over my wrist. That's all it would take. Just one swift movement and it would all be over.

Then I felt a pain I couldn't ignore.

And there were bloodstains on my fingers.

I vaguely remember hearing one of the servants -- I think it was Hikaru, sweet woman that she is -- screaming for help. All I could do was stare at my wrist, cut from one side to the other. I watched in mute fascination as blood spilled out quickly.

"What's going on? Out of the way! Quickly now!"

It wasn't until I heard Kureno's voice that reality slammed me upside the head.

And I passed out.


~TO BE CONTINUED~


DISCLAIMER:
Fruits Basket is owned by Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project and licensed by FUNimation Productions, Ltd (for distribution in the USA). All copyrights go to them and not me. All characters are used here without permission. Please don't sue. No money is being made from the production of this story therefore I have no money to give you.

Sierra Sohma, and all others not associated with Furuba, are my creations and therefore the only thing here I do own. *sigh* Pity them, onegai.