Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ By Her Side ❯ Chapter Four, By Her Side ( Chapter 4 )

My mind is tangled in a frenzy of unthinkable emotions. Here I am, practically grinding myself into Tohru's body. Her feverish breath makes me insane and I am a thoughtless machine of my own desire. The moment is precious and spontaneous, but if only you knew the luck of the cat as well as I. I lift her skirt with a hasty jerk of my wrist, but at this same moment, I hear voices coming towards the house. Suddenly, you jerk away from me, moving your hands to pat down frayed hairs or renegade folds. Your encompassing blue eyes seem to plead me. They say we cannot go on, that it is embarrassing. My eyes question her as anger wells up inside of me.

Why stop when you have just begun, why stop when you certainly want it so much?

After a few minutes of silence, I turn. The dark sea seems to welcome me as I walk the beach. I hear the sand shift as you take one step toward me, and I wince as I hear it shift away as you walk back to the house. I walk on, puzzled as to how you can demolish desire so easily, as if you were practiced in such matters. As I run along the sand, I feel my body shake. It must be cold, or I must be upset. I've wasted too much time, being upset, quarreling. I think it is about time I went...away. Clearly, she doesn't really want or need me. Clearly, I was mistaken about her. Clearly, my anger will never subside!

Awhile into this cold night, I find myself sitting beneath a tree, in its great and long moon shadow. I've lost the sense of time, and I have been thinking. I thought that perhaps I could understand her actions. Note, this was the reasonable part of me, thinking. Then, my passionate, angry, horny side thought she must be daft, since we could have taken our love making to another location. She must be worried. I see dawn breaking, but the phantom of last night's moon hangs in the distance. The pale blue sky almost seems to consume that sphere of white...

I should not let this bother me. Tohru responded to my love, so, there is that chance that she may return my ardor. And there's the other shitty chance that she loves me as just a bloody, kitty friend. Friends don't hump each other, Tohru, so stick that in your book of morals, sweetheart. Or do they? I haven't had many friends, so I wouldn't know...hmmm, maybe I'll ask Shigure. Bitterness plagues my mind as I walk back to find the house. I walk for some time, and well, it seems I can not find the house. How could I have gotten lost?