Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Conflicted ❯ Conflicted ( Chapter 1 )

 

 

 

 

I guess its only natural to feel this way . . . to feel so betrayed.

 

I know I have no right to, that I was just as bad as her, but I still feel so hurt now. To think that I, the one-night-stand-man, would be in love. I am in love, but at the same time, I want to stop the person I love. I want to stop them from hurting others close to me.

 

I know that she's childish. I know that she's spoiled, but that's not the point . . .

 

The point is I love her. Why? I have no idea. Should I? No, of course I shouldn't. After she betrayed me, of course I shouldn't! But then . . . I have no room to talk . . .

 

I feel awful now, so dirty, so foul. Like a decaying carcuss with fly's swarming around me. I Never have felt like this before. This isn't what I'm suppossed to think . . . I'm suppossed to be the cheerful one. The one that teases Hatori and Kyou. I'm not suppossed to be the one that dwells on what I did wrong.

 

Yes, I know it was wrong. Yes, I feel awful about it . . . I should! I fucked her mother, God damn it! I fukin' fucked her mom!

 

Damn! I never thought I could feel like this . . . I never thought I would feel this bad about what I did. But I do . . . I hope she feels as dirty as I do. It's not like she's an innocent victum. She slept with with Kureno! K-U-R-E-N-O! Damn it!

 

The only reason I did her mom was to get back at her for sleeping with Kureno . . . but I know that doesn't make it right. It really doesn't. Not that she and her mom were close or anything, they despised eachother. I know it doesn't matter, but you can't call me the evil one here! She did it to! She fucked Kureno!

 

And Kureno let her! And he knew that I loved her! He knew! And I know he loves someone else too. That Arisa Uotani girl, Tohru's friend. It's amazing what a small world it is. That one of Tohru's friends met a Sohma, and fell in love.

 

Love makes fools of us all.

 

I always try to keep a smile on my face. To have that trade mark lop-sided grin that makes Kyou and Yuki shake with annoyance. I do enjoy tormenting them, but I always feel so left out. Knowing that sometimes I'm just a disturbance to them and everyone else.

 

But when I'm with her, I feel so needed. Like this frail girl will die without me. I know that that can't be true, because of what she did, but sometimes . . . late at night . . . when she rests her head on my lap . . . and I hear her steady breathing . . . I think that's the only time she is ever content.

 

I hate how the Sohmas are full of lies, everyone of them, right down to innocent Kisa. We all keep things tucked away under our beds were we hope no one will look. And sometimes, like ghosts, those things fly out and wack us up-side the head. I know that probably makes no sense and that no one even remoutly understands these jumbled words.

 

But this is how I feel and this is what I think. I'm not the innocent puppy that makes everyone laugh like you may think. I'm very evil. I know I am. I feel it in my bones . . . this evil creeping inside . . . to say I'm scared would be an understatment.

 

But that one day, so long ago, when I held her hand in mine. Holding her pale hand and I brought it to my chest, exactly over my heart. "You're right here." I told her. "You'll forever be right here. I always think of you. I want to see you." I gave her my most genuin smile and she blushed so nicley after I said that. She was so innocent right then, a little girl in love.

Right then, I just wanted to hold her in my arms forever. She was one of the few I could hold, but she was such a child. She just felt so bad about who she was, she thought that she would always be alone. So she took all that anger, and put all those feelings on Yuki's sholders. The way she felt she could treat him, it was awful.

And that's why I have to stop her. So she isn't able to scar anyone, like she did Yuki, ever again. But the problem is that I, Shigure . . . love Akito Sohma, with all my heart . . .

 

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