Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Custody ❯ Crying for the broken dream ( Chapter 3 )

Numb. Yes, that was how he felt, or rather, not felt. He was so shocked that he was unable to experience any emotion just yet. They were leaving? They were leaving him? His father hadn't said a word, and they had had lunch together just last Sunday!! Momiji had reiterated to his father how important his sister was to him, and he had once again requested permission to see her now and then. His father had explained one more time all the dangers there were in building a closer relationship with his sister. The way Papa explained things made him feel like he was trying to convince the four year-old Momiji that agreed to vanish from his mother's memories. So, he dropped the subject for the time being and changed the conversation to a safer topic.

 

And now he learned that he was about to get the formal announcement of the departure of his family via his heartbroken little sister! His first impulse was to go out and see Momo. Her muffled sobs against what he guessed was Tohru's body cut his soul like a thousand knives. It never occurred to him to hug his sister himself, though. Growing up knowing his limitations had a way of eliminating that option from his mind. At times like this, however, he would've given anything to be able to do just that: to run to his sister and pour all his love for her in a simple hug.

 

Sliding down slowly and unconsciously against the wall, he kept trying to make sense of the situation. Once he was sitting on the floor, he slouched and covered his face with his hands. He had to fight really hard the tears that threatened to come out. He had not cried since the day he told Tohru about his mother. He was not starting again now.

 

He snapped back to reality when Tohru told Momo to stop crying or else she was going to have a red nose when she saw her onii-chan. Momiji knew that he was going to be unable to keep a calm face if he saw Momo that very moment, so he decided to flee. He rose from the floor and, as quietly as possible, left the house through another door. As soon as he was concealed by some bushes, but not so far away so he could still hear them, he waited in silence.

 

Tohru and Momo worked on their cheerful attitudes, and Momo even succeeded on bringing up the characteristic nervous smile to her lips. Even now, he hated that smile. It brought unpleasant memories back to mind. Once both girls were ready, they went to his house and slid the shoji to enter. He could hear them inside calling for him, but after a few minutes, they came out again. Momo promised to go back to say good bye before they left the next week, and then they parted ways and went home.

 

 

 

Momiji sat on the ground now, reclined against the trunk of a tree. He had not cried since the day he told Tohru about his mother, true, but that was because he hadn't had a reason to do it since then. His life apparently got better after that, and he built castles in the sky with all the dreams he had for the future. Now, the future he was trying to make for himself crumbled all around him, while he could only stand in the middle of the falling pieces hoping not to get crushed by them in the process.

 

When he thought that he was in control of his emotions, he went back to his house.

 

Slumping on the bed, he closed his eyes and finally broke down in tears. The injustice of the whole situation appeared once more before him. This time, however, he could see it crystal clear for the first time. He had been willing to sacrifice himself out of love for his family, and the stabbing realization that he never received anything in return was unbearable. He had given up on his mother for the sake of her happiness. He accepted his father's estrangement for the sake of his peace of mind, to make him feel less guilty. He had almost resigned himself to keep away from Momo, but then he discovered that she really wanted to become his little sister!! He had thrown caution out the window back then and started to slip slowly into her life, wishing, dreaming, and making plans.

 

For normal people it might seem ludicrous that someone craves so much the company and acceptance of a little sister. For Momiji, who never had a real family, even a little love from a little girl meant the greatest gift of all. He had literally begged his father for the chance to get close to Momo, but he had been given the same answer and supporting arguments each time.

 

Momiji was exhausted. He couldn't keep up the happy act anymore. He had no strength left in him. What was worse, he was loosing the will to keep on pretending. Sure, occasionally he felt real happiness, like whenever he visited Tohru, but most of the times he acted silly to lighten up everybody's mood. So, on this day when he realized the extent of his own insignificance in his parents' eyes, he let out years of rejection, pain and one-sided feelings through tears. He allowed himself to finally acknowledge that he would always be a stranger to his own family.

 

His muffled cries against his pillow and his punching fists against the mattress didn't go unnoticed. Standing close, looking in through a partially open door, Momo heard her own name being called out in between sobs.

 

 

 

Momo didn't go back for a week. The truth was that she didn't get a chance to go out by herself after that day. School was off now, but with all the packing and preparations there was no time to spare. She wanted to call her onii-chan, but the phone line had been disconnected already. Asking her father to take her to see Momiji was out of the question, but the answer to her prayers came the day before they left when her Papa announced that he was going to the main house to say goodbye to Akito. Momo had to plead to go with him, and her Papa agreed at last, though rather reluctantly.

 

Her father asked her to wait outside while he spoke with Akito. Knowing that this was her last chance, she headed straight to Momiji's house as soon as she was alone. Seeing her dear onii-chan was well worth it getting grounded for a year! When she stopped in front of the house, panting, she found Momiji, eyes closed, playing the violin. This time, his door was wide open. She approached him cautiously, almost scared. When she was in front of him, she interrupted his concentration by pulling his sleeve lightly.

 

Momiji stopped playing immediately, and smiled at her with sad eyes. He knelt down to be at her eye level, though neither of them had the courage to meet the other's eyes. Momiji put a hand on his sister's head.

 

-“You're leaving” -It was not a question. His voice came out strained, almost a whisper. Momo nodded silently, eyes downcast. -“When?”-he asked. -“Tomorrow.” -was the almost inaudible reply.

 

Momiji let out a gasp, but just smiled again after regaining his composure. Momo was looking at his face now, and he had to be strong and cheerful for her.

 

-“I'm sure it is a great place!! You'll be so happy there that you'll soon forget about your friends here!!”- That overly enthusiastic voice again!! She looked at her shoes, not knowing what to think.

 

-“Will you miss me?” -she asked hesitantly, though she tried to make it sound like a joke. Tears started to cloud her vision, and she was relying on that nervous smile again.

 

Momiji mirrored her smile and faked a cheerful voice: -“Of course! How could I ever forget my little sister?”

 

Momo snapped out of the crying mood and looked at him with wide eyes. In all the time they had known each other, he had never called her his “little sister”. Grinning sincerely now, she threw herself to his arms, wanting to be hugged by him.

 

Out of pure reflex, Momiji stopped her by the shoulders. Seeing her hurt and questioning face, he only managed to say: -“I can't, Momo. I wish I could, but…” -It hurt so much!

 

Just then, Papa appeared on the door, calling Momo's name. Momiji stood up quickly, and bowed wordlessly to greet him. Momo stayed at his side, and took his hand as if it was a lifeline. Momiji squeezed her hand reassuringly. She was with her onii-chan now. He would protect her. Everything would be fine.

 

-“You're leaving tomorrow” -Momiji accused this time, looking straight at his father's eyes. Keeping in mind Momo's presence, he continued. “I was shocked to hear the news last week, but I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that much. After all, you have no obligation to let me know. I'm sorry to have detained your daughter here so long, but I wanted to say goodbye”. -Momiji spoke emotionlessly, with words he didn't normally use, which succeeded in making his father flinch. That cold, accusatory voice combined with Momiji's calm, smiling face, scared his father more than any other thing he could've done. This young man was in no way his little boy!

 

-“I… I wanted to come before to tell you about it, but… but we've been so busy packing… I just could barely make the time!” -Papa half stammered his answer. He looked scared now. Normally that would make Momiji worry, but right now he didn't care.

 

Without acknowledging his father's words, Momiji knelt down once more and took Momo's other hand. He put a gift in it: a tiny box wrapped in pink paper and adorned with a cute lace bow. Looking into her eyes with a serious expression, he told her:

 

-“Even if you'll be living in Germany from now on, I will always be your onii-chan. Don't forget”, and then he touched the tip of her nose with his index finger. It was their secret way to show their affection, and they only used it when Momo left his house after a visit.

 

-“I won't forget. I promise”. -She touched the tip of his nose, giggling while the tears finally rolled down her cheeks.

 

 

 

They left the next day. As Momo climbed in the car that would take them to the airport, she looked across the street, searching. She grinned one last time when, among the people passing by, she saw a half concealed figure waving at her.

 

TBC