Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Custody ❯ Go to him ( Chapter 12 )

Momiji and Tohru stood at the door of the passenger waiting room at the airport. They had spent four days with Momo and her grandmother, and Tohru enjoyed every moment with them. She loved them both, and she wished that she could stay longer, but she couldn't. Rit-chan had called last night to make sure that she was going back.

 

-“Well Tohru, this is it. I can't follow you after this point. You'll have to go on by yourself. Will you be okay?” -For some reason, Tohru felt that these simple words held more meaning than that.

 

-“I'll be fine. I'm a big girl now. I can take care of myself.” -she said, smiling and making a threat to an imaginary attacker with her arm. Momiji laughed. She would always be a little girl to him.

 

-“How about you? Will you be fine? I guess you will. You are with your family, after all.” -she said.

 

-“My family… A family that don't know me.” -he muttered in German, eyes hidden under his bangs. A second later, he lifted his face to meet Tohru's and the ever present mask was back on. -“I'll be fine. Don't worry!!”

 

-“At least you're getting used to all the hugging and touching now. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud when I saw your face the first time Momo flung herself at you.” -She was smiling, but her eyes were laughing.

 

-“Yeah. I'm getting better at it. Guess I was afraid that I would turn into a rabbit, even when I know that's not possible anymore.” -he explained, embarrassed.

 

-“I always thought that you would be the one to run and squeeze Momo until she couldn't breathe.” - She continued, remembering just how strong Momiji really was despite his lean frame. Whenever he picked her up and spun her around, the floor disappeared from under her feet, and she felt like she was flying, supported by his strong arms.

 

-“One of these days you'll learn that when you've wanted something too much for too long, you can get very scared of actually getting your wish. Really, I was petrified, Tohru. What was I supposed to do? I had pictured a million scenarios for that occasion, and none of them came even close to the real thing.” -He explained with a little laugh.

 

-“Have you thought about what I told you?” -she asked hesitantly, changing the subject abruptly. There was something in his eyes that she couldn't understand. She couldn't shake off the feeling that he was talking about someone else, besides Momo.

 

-“You know what I think. How can I tell them who I really am without having to explain about the curse and Hatori erasing my mother's memories? Do you realize how crazy that sounds? Who would believe that? I have no way to prove it to them anymore. Besides, what's the point in destroying the image that Momo has of her parents? That would only hurt her more.” -The nervous smile surfaced once more, signaling that his barriers were up.

 

-“She loves you. She deserves to know, and you deserve to have your sister back.” -she countered.

 

-“I can never have her back. I never had her to begin with. My father wouldn't allow it. He made it his own personal duty to sever all ties we may have had.”

 

-“It seems to me like he failed. Momo and you are really close. She loves you like a brother already, and she doesn't even know who you really are.”

 

-“I don't know how she would react to that. I'd rather not risk loosing what I have now.”

 

-“Momiji, promise me that you'll fight for what you want. Don't give up this time. You have the right to be selfish once in your life. This is important for you, so don't feel bad about it.” -Her voice was firm, and she spoke as if she was instructing a little child. `She doesn't get it yet.' Momiji thought.

 

-“Sometimes there's no point in fighting a battle you've already lost.” -Again, why did she feel like he was talking in riddles? She shot him a confused look, and he grinned, amused.

 

-“I'm not giving up on Momo this time, but you can't always have what you want. Many times you have to make sacrifices so that the people you love can be happy.” -he recited what he had told himself over and over all these years.

 

-“Does that make you happy?” -She demanded an honest answer, and Momiji complied.

 

-“I should say that it does, that it is enough, but it isn't. The truth is; you have to learn to live with it, with the consequences of the choices you've made. You may even have to see that which you have given up everyday, keeping your distance and just dealing with your feelings on your own.” -The smile never faltered through the whole explanation, contradicting the seriousness of his statement.

 

-“But you have given up too much already… How can you think of doing that once more?”

 

-“I'm not unselfish or anything. If I was I wouldn't feel so much rage and jealousy sometimes! I've tried to control these feelings, but I can't! One of these days I'm just going to snap and blurt out everything!” -he lowered his head, unable to keep up the cheerful act any longer. He spoke so low that Tohru had a hard time making out the words.

 

-“Why do you have to control, to hide what you feel? That's unfair!” -Tohru protested. This was the first time that he was willing to talk about it, and she was dying to know what he really thought.

 

-“I could never show my real feelings, or people would be hurt. It's best if I hide them away.” -`…even if it's killing me inside.' Momiji finished in his mind. “I guess I'm pretty good at it, since nobody ever notices anything. Not even when I can't stop those emotions from becoming too obvious.”

 

That strange tone of voice again. Now Tohru was sure that he was hinting at something else.

 

-“Momiji, don't worry about us. We will understand whatever it is you think or feel because we care for you. We know you. Please, tell me.” -she explained to him trying to sound reassuring.

 

-“You don't know what you're asking of me.” -he whispered in a pained voice. Tohru couldn't stand his downcast face anymore.

 

-“Momiji, please look at me. I want to see your eyes. How can I understand you if you don't let me see your face?” -She was starting to worry.

 

-“How can you be so blind?” -he still didn't look up.

 

-“What are you talking about? Momiji, look at me!” -it was not a request.

 

-“How can you presume to know me better than anyone else when you haven't been able to see the one feeling that I can't hide from the rest of the world?” -he finally lifted his face, and Tohru was shocked to see that unidentifiable emotion she'd been seeing in his eyes for so long. When did she get used to it to the point that she stopped noticing?

 

-“How can I know when you won't tell me?” -she asked in a frightened whisper. She didn't want to identify that emotion. What would happen once she acknowledged it?

 

-“If you don't know yet, there's no point in me telling you now.” -Momiji took her by the shoulders and Tohru looked up at him scared and confused. “I gave up on that feeling a long time ago when I realized that it would always be one-sided, but I will never give up on you. We will always be best friends, right?” -he gave her a sad, resigned smile. She felt overwhelmed by the intensity of that same sadness reflecting in his eyes.

 

A voice in the speakers interrupted them, announcing her flight. Momiji looked up, focusing his attention on the intruding voice. He finally let go of Tohru, and took a step back. After two long, stabilizing breaths, he looked back at her.

 

-“Now it is time to follow your own advice. I'm letting you go, Tohru. Go to him. He's waited long enough.”

 

This time she didn't need more explanations to know exactly who Momiji was talking about.

 

-“Is it that obvious?” -She asked shyly.

 

-“You could never hide it from me. I know you.” Tohru knew then that his sad smile would haunt her for years to come.

 

Tohru blushed. Gathering all the courage she could muster, she leaned forward on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the cheek. She waved goodbye and then turned her back on him, walking slowly. Momiji stood there, watching her leave, never looking back.

 

`Be happy. It won't be the same when we see each other again.'

 

Momo and Brigitta walked to him and stood by his side as he was still looking at her retreating back. They had seen them talking from a distance, and didn't hear what was said.

 

-“How can you bear to let her go? It's so clear to anyone that you two belong together… that you love her.” Momo's voice broke the silence between them.

 

-“She was never mine, and I did a good job of hiding my love from her.” -He spoke to no one in particular, just thinking aloud. He didn't care at that moment that he was talking about his most secret feeling so openly. He needed release.

 

-“Where can you hide something like that?” -asked Momo, confused.

 

-“In the last place she would ever find it: by her side.”