Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Custody ❯ Orphan ( Chapter 15 )

Momo woke up to an empty house.

 

It should've been scary for her after the recent events, but right now she welcomed the peace and solitude of the silent house.

 

She hadn't been able to sleep until well into the night, and so she woke up at the usual time after only three hours of sleep. She thought better than to try to go to sleep again. It would be pointless.

 

She sat on the sofa in the living room, hugging her knees to her chest trying to stay warm. Her long, wavy hair ran across her back unbound and a little messy. Though she had her slippers on and flannel pajamas, she still felt cold. She just couldn't figure out yet if the frosty air around her was the result of the cold winter or the absence of her parents. She missed them so much! She knew that she could turn on the heater, or even the chimney, but she didn't want to move from her spot.

 

Momo just wanted to sit there and think. She needed time on her own to mourn the loss of her parents, and until that morning, she hadn't been alone for more than a couple of minutes.

 

She breathed deeply and buried her face between her knees. She had many things to think about.

 

Her mind kept replaying the moment in which Momiji offered to take her back to Japan to live with him. She wasn't expecting that. She always dreamed of seeing Momiji again, but she never thought about what she would do after that.

 

The thing was that she never imagined that she would be seeing him again at her parents' funeral, and that was what made all the difference, because now all she had was an empty house. She had no family left. Sure, she had her grandmother, and all her relatives in Germany: her cousins, aunts and uncles. She loved them, and she felt loved by them. She knew that she only had to ask any of them and they would take her in.

 

But somehow, even knowing that they were there for her, she still felt like she had no family.

 

`I'm an orphan now.'

 

The truth that she had been denying to herself for the past week came upon her like a ton of bricks, crushing her so much that breathing became almost painful. Tears ran down her cheeks as her body shook uncontrollably.

 

She remembered then how she always argued with her parents about how she was old enough to take care of herself…

 

`…and now that I'm alone to fend for myself, I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. I guess I'm a child after all.'

 

She was sure that her grandmother had every intention of taking Momo back to her house as soon as the holidays were over. It was pretty obvious by the way she talked about the future. She just took it for granted.

 

`It's like I'm her property now.'

 

She didn't want to become someone else's property. Sure, she loved her grandmother, and they always had a great time together, but she didn't know if she could handle living with her for more than a couple of weeks. They had been under the same roof for only a week and already Momo felt like a caged animal sometimes.

 

`No matter how hard I try, there's always something that she thinks that I could've done better. I'm never good enough. She's always: `Your mother could do that much better when she was your age.' `Your mother did that when she was only twelve.' `How come you don't know that? Your mother could do that since she was in elementary school.' Why can't she realize that I'm not my mother?'

 

`I don't want to live with her', she thought as she ran her fingers through her long hair.

 

And then there was Momiji. She loved him like a brother, and she knew that he cared for her, but she never expected him to offer to take her back to Japan. He said that she would be living with him as his little sister. She liked the idea, but…

 

…in the back of her mind, she couldn't forget that as much as she loved him and pretended that he was her onii-chan, he was her cousin.

 

And that meant that as much as he loved her in return, she would still be a burden. She didn't want to make a decision that both of them could regret in the future. What if after a year or so, he wanted to be free of the responsibility of taking care of a teenage girl? What if he wanted to live his own life, and realized that he was chained by a promise to another person who depended on him?

 

`Why would onii-chan want to take care of me? We like to pretend that we are brother and sister, but we know that we're not.'

 

But his eyes were so hopeful as he asked her to think about it! He had taken her small hands in his own as he said the words, and she could almost swear that he was trembling… Why was it so important to Momiji that she agreed to go with him?

 

`But if I go, what am I going to do? I can't even speak the language well anymore, so how am I going to live there? Onii-chan will want me to go to school, but how am I going to do that? They're going to make fun of me like when I was a kid! I like my friends here. I don't want to have to make new friends all over again! How can I live at the Main House, where I hardly know anyone? What if they don't like me?'

 

Her head started to hurt, and more than ever she wished that she could cry in her mother's arms while she told her that everything would be alright. She wanted to hear her father's soothing voice as when he talked to her at nights while she was starting to fall asleep. His voice was always kind and calm… she needed them with her now, but they were gone.

 

She broke down crying.

 

`I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to choose either!'

 

`What am I going to do now? Can I stay here at home? I'm old enough to take care of myself; I'm not a child anymore! I don't want to be a problem for anyone!' -she lied to herself again, trying to believe her own arguments.

 

`No matter what I do, I'll still lose my friends, my school, my home…'

 

She knew that Momiji had to go back to Japan in a few days, and her grandmother had already said that she couldn't move to Momo's house since she had a house of her own.

 

Staying was out of the question.

 

She stood up and started to walk around the house. Her fingers brushed against the photographs, the furniture, the decorations, memorizing every little thing that she had taken for granted until that moment. She knew that she would be leaving this house soon, whether she wanted to or not. She stopped when she reached the door to her parents' room. Nobody had been there since the day of the accident.

 

She opened it trying not to make any noise. Even though she was aware of the impossibility of it, she held her breath, expecting to see her parents standing there, smiling and telling her that it had been a mistake and that they were alive and well.

 

The room was empty.

 

Momo looked at his father's suit tossed randomly on a chair. As she touched the fabric, she remembered that it was the one that he wore to work that day. Her mother's make-up and perfume were randomly placed on the dresser. Their things lay scattered around the room, as if they only left for a couple hours and were coming back any moment.

 

She slumped to the bed and grabbed the sheets in desperation. The scent of her parents lingered faintly on the pillows.

 

She cried herself to sleep.