Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Fumei no Musubi ❯ Chapter 11 ( Chapter 11 )
[ A - All Readers ]
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket and all its characters are properties of Takaya Natsuki-sensei and Hana to Yume comics. Everything else in this fanfic are figments of my imagination. Any similarities to name, places, yada yada yada are simply examples of the world’s many coincidental mysteries.
April 1, 2004
Fumei no Musubi: Chapter Eleven
By Ina-chan
"The scent peach blossoms... heavy and sweet... the smell of the memory of you..."
The slurred monotoned whisper with its sing-song rhythm bounced eerily through the four corners of the room.
"You... are the blossoms in the breeze...."
As if impersonating the actions of the blossoms in the tuneless song, the whisper hung in the air like a persistent phantom.
"...dancing gracefully..."
The whisper chanted in an almost childlike manner.
"... floating persistently..."
A complete contrast to the obvious "adult" lower range pitch that it held.
"...defying desprately... desperately..."
Nonetheless... listening to the sound would make any person's skin crawl.... or drive a person to insanity... or both.
"...the will of gravity..."
Yet... he sat there unmoving.
"...the heavy... heavy... will of god..."
Waiting.
"...tugging... pulling... struggling...."
Not really understanding what it was he was waiting for... or how long he had to wait.
"...the clear waters turning murky..."
Three hours had already passed, and all throughout that time, the damned whisper just continued to sing tunelessly.
"...silky hair... a pretty silver blanket spread on calm..."
But patience had always been one of his greatest virtues. So he waited without complaint.
"...red crimson on the floor..."
He looked up instinctively as the door slid open behind him to meet a pair of stoic light brown eyes looking at him inquiringly. He simply shook his head and the other man gave him a knowing bow in response before sliding the door closed once again. His eyes stayed at the direction of the door, as he listened for the older man's footsteps to fade in the hallways.
"Hatsuharu."
The Ox automatically turned towards the direction of the voice. He found his master peering at him through heavy-lidded eyes, "I'm here."
His companion still had that pitiful haunted little boy's tone in his quiet whisper, "I'm sorry I hit you. I didn't mean to."
"I know, Akito," Haru replied
"Do you hate me?" Akito asked again, his eyes closing for a moment as if resting from a great effort, before quickly opening again
"I don't hate you," the other man answered reassuringly
Akito looked at the other man hopefully, "Can you let me loose now? I promise not to hit you again."
"A little later, when you're more settled."
"But I am settled! I can barely even lift up my arms... see?" Akito protested almost pathetically, as he unsuccessfully demonstrated to lift up one of his restrained arms from his bed, "And they're sore. I promise I won't try to run away. I promise not to hurt myself either. Please let me loose. Please pleasepleasepleaseplease...."
"I let you loose after you get some sleep."
"IDIOT!!! I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP!!! I WANT TO BE SET FREE!!! LET ME LOOSE RIGHT NOW!!!" The Souma Master screamed with newfound energy fueled by his fury. His eyes flashed ferociously as he struggled with his bonds.
Haru couldn't help wincing at the sight of fresh scarlet seeping at the bandages that protected his master's injured wrist. It was only a superficial wound caused by an earlier incident. One of the servants carelessly forgot to count a missing chopstick from their master's meal trays. Akito had snapped the cuttlery in two and had attempted to slash his wrist repeatedly with the sharpened edge when he found an opportunity to be alone. It was fortunate that he started screaming in frustration when he realized that he couldn't do much damage with his tool. Haru found him in time just as Akito was about to stab his injured hand.
Three hours, four point restraints, and a shot of a large tranquilizer dose later... Akito still remained awake and unrepentent of his earlier actions. In many ways, Akito was a lot like Yuki. Despite the overwhelming obstacles put in front of him... His sheer will... or perhaps his madness as well... fueled his almost inhuman ability to resist others who try to make him succumb into their wishes.
Of course, this was just one of the many incidents that Haru had grown used to watch out for since their Master's gradual deterioration years ago. But it had only come to psychotic proportions almost immediately after Yuki's illness. As much as he had his own issues with Akito... and as much as it did seem to be for the best since everyone had started to enjoy a form of relative freedom since Akito had gotten sick... still... Haru never wanted wished for anything like this to happen to anyone. While everyone knew that Akito had fallen ill, it was really just him, Rin, Kureno, Hatori, and a few trusted servants who knew exactly what Akito was ill of.
It frustrated him.
Whatever the demons tormenting his Master were... Haru couldn't help stop this overwhelming feeling that he had to be there by Akito's side or something horrible would happen. It was just a silly feeling, as Rin would put it. But he didn't want to risk it. He knew that if he didn't do this... something very precious to him... to all of them... would be lost.
"Akito," Haru stated quietly amidst the other man's screaming, as he motioned to get up on his feet, "I'm going to get Hatori."
Almost immediately the dark-haired man stopped and stared at the younger man, his eyes widening anxiously, "NO! No, no, please. I'm sorry. No more needles. I'm sorry I yelled. I won't do it again. I promise I'll be quiet. Don't call Hatori. Don't leave me alone. Please. Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease...."
Haru settled back on his seat and returned to his silent vigil.
Akito automatically relaxed and stared up at the ceiling, "Hatsuharu... do you hate me?"
"No, I don't hate you, Akito," came the other man's immediate reply. He closed his eyes, as he mentally prepared himself. It was going to start again. This always happens when his Master suffers from under one of his 'spells'. A string of repeated questions that he will give a string of repeated answers, and soon after Akito will fall once again into a lapse of tuneless whispered singing.
"Do you think she hates me?"
"Who is her, Akito?" It starts with that mysterious woman whom he only refers to as "she" or "her".
"Her. She came to me again."
'She' visits him... haunts him... whenever his Master closes his eyes, a woman whose beauty no words can describe.
"She was a boy this time."
'She' comes in many different forms and faces. Woman, girl, boy, young man... but it doesn't matter what she looks like. His Master always knows that it's her.
"She was going away. Far far away. I told her that I would marry her so she didn't have to leave and we'd be together forever."
'She's' always trying to leave. And his Master always tries to hold on to 'her'.
"But she refused to stay with me. She didn't say it out loud but I knew it was because of him. It was always because of him."
'She's' always trying to run away because of a person that his master only refers to as 'him'.
"You were also there Hatsuharu," Akito broke away momentarily from the ceiling to look at the younger man, "But you were a girl."
"Was I?" Haru answered on cue
"You were the one who told me about it... and I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried."
And the end result is always the same. No matter how hard he tries to keep 'her'... 'She' always leaves.
"You won't leave me like she always does, right, Hatsuharu?"
"I'll always be here, Akito."
"She had beautiful long hair. The first time I saw her was in the peach orchard. I wasn't wearing my usual clothes so she didn't know it was me."
'Her' hair flowing freely in the breeze as 'she' sat in the garden.
"She was very kind. Beautiful and kind. She had a beautiful smile... but her eyes were sad."
'She' sat there as if waiting for someone.
"All I ever wanted is to see her smile with happy eyes. All I ever wanted is to stay beside her and watch her smile with happy eyes."
But 'he' wouldn't allow it. 'He' didn't want 'her' to be happy with anyone. 'He' wanted to keep her for himself.
"But instead she chose him over me. She loved him much more than her own life. She even cut her beautiful long hair for him."
'She' always chose 'him', even though 'he' had grown to hate 'her'.
"She loved him more than she can ever love me."
So the end is always the same. 'She' leaves... always. And it would start again. The damned monotonous singing about flying peach blossoms, drowning in murky waters, and pools of deep deep red seeping on the ground. Bringing goosebumps on your arms... enough to drive anyone insane...
"Hatsuharu."
Haru blinked, his thoughts being pulled out into reality as he found Akito looking at him with an intense glint in his eyes. Something inside him snapped in attention, as if hypnotized by his master's gaze.
"Do you love me, Hatsuharu?" Akito's soft voice rang clearly in the silence of the room
"Yes, Akito," His lips replied automatically, his voice answering without his consent... as if it suddenly grew a will of its own
"Then you will help me?"
"Whatever you wish, Akito."
"Stop her. Stop her from torturing me."
Haru frowned. This was definitely something out of the ordinary. When Akito fell into these spells of his, he never broke his cycles. At least not on his watch. He was tempted to get up and call for Kureno... but there was something in the unusual way Akito was staring at him that seemed to freeze him in place. He felt like a small animal caught in the headlights of an incoming car. No matter how much he willed his body to move... he attained no response.
"Kill her. End all this suffering now. End all this misery now. End the pain. It's the only way to stop it. It's the only way for everything to fall in place. Kill her while she's sleeping. While its painless. Kill her for me."
Haru stared at the older man in shock. Something stirred inside of him. He let out a gasp, his hands clutching the side of of his head as he doubled over from the sharp pain shot through his left eye. All at once... random images and sounds... fragments of disjoineted dreams... as if being played from a broken movie reel flashed in front of his eyes.
He dreamed of a small ten-year-old girl with long silver-gray tresses, her face showing pure delight... her cloudy useless gray eyes not marring the beauty of her childish face a single bit. She ran to his arms excitedly as he lifted her up. He let her fingers trace the contours of his face for her to "see" him. /Sou-chan came! Yume-chan missed Sou-chan so much! Is Onnichan coming too?/
Kill her.
He dreamed of a handsome young man looking in the distance as he tapped a blank sketch pad in front of him in annoyance, /I know! I know! It's already been a month since I received the letter. And I'm leaving for Germany next week. But... I just don't have the heart to tell Akiko-san.../
He dreamed of a little girl, sobbing uncontrollably in the comforting arms of an older boy. Watching the scene, his heart poured onto her grief. So in his dream, he couldn't help but let a painful sob from escaping his throat as well. The boy, upon hearing him, turned to him with an annoyed frown, /Stop crying. Don't disgrace our family name./
End all this suffering now.
He dreamed of a young boy sitting by the open window who looked at him without a trace of pre-judgement in his eyes as he made a small smile, /Un. I understand./
He dreamed of two young girls sitting by the open engawa. The older-looking girl, with long dark hair was braiding the younger girl's identically styled silver grey hair, /Yume-chan has such pretty hair. Promise that you'll keep your hair the same way, and I'll keep my hair the same way as yours. We'll be like sisters and we'll be best friends and be together forever and ever./
He dreamed that the younger girl laughed gleefully in agreement to what the older girl said, /Un! Yume-chan with A-chan and Oniichan forever and ever./
Stop her.
He dreamed of that young man again, from earlier. His eyes flashed with uncharacteristic anger as he glared at him. Almost accusingly, /SHE'S LYING!!! You KNOW that I didn't touch her. You KNOW that it's IMPOSSIBLE! You can't make me stay here. Taka, you promised to help me! If you keep me here, she's going to do something to hurt Kyoko!/
End all this misery now.
He dreamed of a scene that looked like it came from a historical epic, where a stern looking man and a defiant younger woman, both wearing clothes from the feudal eras of fogotten lore, glared at each other with unspoken anger.
/Do you honestly believe that the Souma clan will accept you?/ said the man he dreamed
/Who said that they had to know that it is Mizugawa Yukino standing in front of them?/ said the beautiful young woman shot back, refusing to back down.
/And how do you expect to get away with that?/ the man challenged
And he dreamt her responding to his statement with one swift move. She took the sword by his feet before he could react and slashed her long tresses. Her now chin length hair flew wildly in the air... but the icy determination in her eyes was what froze him in place. And he knew all at once, even though that it was merely a dream, that the decision he made a child was not a mistake. He would everything in his power to protect her. From back then... to now... tomorrow... and even beyond death.
Stop her torture...
He dreamnt of a 12-year-old girl screaming at his face in utter disbelief, /THAT'S A LIE!!! YOU'RE LYING!!! YUUTA CAN'T BE DEAD! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY WITH ME FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!! TAKE IT BACK TAKA! TAKE IT BACK! YUUTA'S NOT DEAD! HE CAN'T BE DEAD!/
End all this pain.
He dreamt of a familiar looking man... with a younger face. This young man in his dream, he remembered to normally have wild orange hair. Now, it was matted wet auburn locks as the man sat by the lakeshore, as if in shock. In his arms, he protectively held a limp small girl with long silver-grey tresses. He was rocked gently as if he was merely putting her to sleep. The man he dreamt looked completely lost when his tear-streaked face finally looked up to meet his eyes /Souichiro... she was in the water... Souichiro, she's not breathing. I can't get her to start breathing... Do something, please? Make her start breathing again./
It's the only way for it to stop...
He dreamt of that beautiful woman, who cut her hair. Her voice came out as a harsh rasp. /What's wrong?/
And in his dream, he could only stare in horror at the realization that the arrow neatly impaled itself through the gaps of her armour and through the delicate flesh of her neck. He let out an anguished cry as she crumpled and fell off her horse, his elder brother deftly catching her in his arms. He rushed to her side, ignoring the chaos beginning around him. She reached out to to wipe the tears flowing freely from his eyes. And in his dream... he lamented in sorrow because he failed. He couldn't protect her...
End her suffering painlessly...
He dreamt of that day when Shigure gathered them and quietly said. /It doesn't look good./ He dreamt and remembered how everyone reacted when Shigure explained how impossible the situation was.
/Shi-chan, what are the chances of him waking up?/
/........./
/Sensei?/
/......... zero./
/WHAT!?!/
/But knowing Yuki, he'll keep hanging on for as long as he can on life support until..../
/That's not fair! Shi-chan, we can't let Yun-chan suffer like that!/
/That's not our decision to make Kagura./
/Bullshit! You're saying that we have to leave the decision to Tooru-san then?/
/That's not a decision for her to make either./
It's the only way...
He dreamt that he was standing in Yuki's room, watching Yuki sleep. Wondering in awe at the peaceful quality on Yuki's face as he slept. It didn't seem like he was miserable... or suffering... but he knew that this was not the way for anybody to live. To just be alive, but not living. He knew if it was him in his place, he wouldn't want to live like this. He wouldn't have wanted the people around him to suffer as they watched him slowly waste away. He stood by the sleeping figure and stared at the plastic tubes splayed all around. Ever since that day, when they were children... Haru vowed that he would do everything in his power to protect him. Whether it be to protect Yuki from Akito, or from his mother, or even his own self-indulgent loneliness... Haru kept that personal vow at heart. But how can you protect a person when the enemy is his own failing body?
It hurt him to see Yuki and Tooru like this. Despite the reassuring smiles and the encouraging words he's freely given to Tooru, it seemed to get harder and harder to maintain it day by day. Specially now with Akito deteriorating even more. Everyone is suffering. Tooru, Akito, Rin, Ayame-niisan, Hatori-niisan, Sensei... everyone. Everyone is feeling the strain. Keeping Yuki in this state... there is this awful feeling of uncertainess. Like being painted in the corner of the room. No matter which way you turn, there is no place to go. At least if all of this finally ended...
If it finally ended... there will be closure. Everyone will be miserable for a while, but eventually, they will finally be able to move on.
So... Kill her... Stop her from torturing me... kill her while she sleeps...
In his dream, his eyes trailed at the sleeping image of the young man he loved and admired since he was a child and stopped at the clear plastic attached to his neck. The solution, after all, was simple, and painless. It's just like dying peacefully in your sleep. All it took was to reach out and make one quick tug...
"Hatsuharu-san?"
Haru blinked at the sound of his name. He turned around and saw his cousin's wife looking at him in concern with a vase of fresh flowers at hand. He looked at his surroundings, and his eyes widened in surprise, upon realizing that he really was in Yuki's room...
It wasn't a dream. And if Tooru didn't come on time... he would have... His hands automatically went up to cover his mouth as bile started to rise up his throat.
"Hatsuharu-san? Are you alright?" Tooru put the vase on the nightstand, pulled a chair closer to the younger man and gently led him to be seated,"Stay here, I'll go get Hatori-san."
"No!" Haru's hands immediately shot out to grab her wrist. He shook his head vigorously and forced a smile, "I'm fine. I think I'm just a little tired. I'm sorry to have worried you."
Tooru frowned as her eyes focused on the bandage on his cheek, "Hatsuharu-san, what happened to your face?"
"Ah. I was just clumsy and had a little accident earlier," Haru replied comfortingly, "Rin already gave me a lecture about it, so I'll make sure not to do it again."
The frown etched on the young woman's face was not erased by his reassurance, "I think it would be wise for Hatori-san to see you. And of course I'm worried regardless. Everyone seems to be getting sick one by one from stress. I bet you, Isuzu-san and Kureno-san are busy with Akito-san. I heard from the servants that he was ill again this morning. Is he all right?"
The young man couldn't help but wince at her words. But somehow, he managed to not allow his smile to falter, "You should worry more about yourself, Tooru-san. After all, it's not just you that's dependent on your health. Shouldn't you be resting?"
An sheepish look crept on to the girl's face, "Ah... well. I'm supposed to just be going to the washroom. But I figured that since I was out of my room, I might as well visit Yuki-kun for a little while. Kyou-kun needed the break anyway. And Kagura-san allowed me one hour with him before she comes to drag me back." With that, she let out a long sigh,"This is really not how I expected this."
"Expected what?" Haru inquired curiously
"Anou..." The young woman instantly blushed and ducked her head in embarrassment, "This whole pregnancy experience. I always thought it was going to be something special and wonderful... I mean it is... but at the same time, with how everyone is acting... sometimes it feels like a prison term."
The Ox couldn't help but give her an amused chuckle at that. His eyes twinkling mischievously as he got on his feet, "Saa... then I suppose I should take me leave so you can have your conjugal visit with your husband."
"EH!?!!! HATSUHARU-SAN!!!" Tooru exclaimed, completely scandalized, as she turned into an even deeper shade of red
Haru held in his laughter as he left the room with a small wave. But as he walked back to Akito's side of the compound, a numb feeling erased whatever laughter he wanted to let out from his encounter with Tooru. His thoughts played over and over again at the visions he saw in his head... as well as what almost happened... what he could have ended up doing. He was already half-way back when the familiar ball of anger that he kept hidden inside started to seethe and boil in his chest. His feelings were probably obviously showing on his face as well, for every person he met in the halls instinctively stepped aside to let him pass. Even Rin didn't attempt to block his way when he met her at the corridor that led to Akito's quarters. He didn't stop until he reached the sliding door that opened into Akito's room. And that was only because Kureno blocked his path. Kureno was one of the few members of the jyuunishi who was not intimidated by his Black personality. But then again... very few things intimidated Kureno.
"Get out of my way," Haru's voice snarled low and
dangerously. He didn't know what just happened or how it happened. But he knew that he was going to get to the bottom of it, and no one... not even the very will of God himself, will stop him.
The older man simply silently gazed back at him with his stoic expression, showing no intention of moving.
"It's fine Kureno, let him back in," Akito's muffled voice called out from the room, "And please close the door after him Kureno."
Kureno stepped aside obediently as Haru brushed passed him rudely and slammed open the door. Kureno, then proceeded to slide the door shut in a more gentle manner, before his footsteps faded once again in the hallways. He found his Master freed from his bonds, sitting up by the window, watching a small bird as he fed it from the palm of his bandaged hand. Akito didn't even bother looking up to face Haru as he spoke, "Did you get lost finding the washroom?"
"Is this your idea of a sick joke?" Black Haru demanded
"You're the one who's acting funny, Hatsuharu. Then again, the Ox has always been such a comedian,"Akito countered, with an amused lilt in his voice, "Did something happen?"
"What did you do to me? What the hell was that?" Black Haru continued
"Me? I didn't do anything... well, not much," Akito laughed. The bird on his hand looked up and tilted its head to one side at the man's sudden amusement. "Every person's mind houses secret feelings... and memories... hidden behind a closed door. It's locked and sealed up very tightly. I only opened a small crack in the window. Anything that happened after that is all you," Akito finally looked up and looked at the Ox curiously, "Why are you upset, Hatsuharu? Did you see something interesting?"
"GODDAMMIT, STOP SCREWING WITH MY HEAD!"
Akito's eyes flashed. The bird in his hand let out a surprised squeak as the hand it was standing on suddenly tightened into a closed fist around it. his voice falling equally low and dangerous, "Don't you dare raise your voice at me. I will forgive you this once as repayment for your... kindness... whenever I fall ill. But raise your voice again, and I may conviniently forget to repay your kindness."
The silence in the room was deafening. Haru could only clench and unclench his fists as he struggled within himself to not succumb to project the feelings he was feeling earlier at Yuki's bedside on Akito.
"Now look at what you made me do," Akito's tone switched to an annoyed whine as he turned to the, now twitching, animal in his hand. He dropped the dying bird on the floor and watched it lapse into a seizure before falling still. Akito then looked up to meet Black Haru's eyes. His grey orbs giving the younger boy a spine-chilling gaze,"See what happens when you make me angry."
Almost instantly, the fury inside the younger man faded as he stared at the dead carcass on the floor. Akito's unspoken threat fueled his reason to overcome his anger.
With that, his Master made an exasperated sigh as he trotted from his seat, brushed past the Ox and climbed into his futon. He then let made a dismissive wave as he tried to get himself comfortable, "I'm tired, if that is all, you have my permission to leave."
"Why?" Was the only word he could muster.
"What do you mean 'why'? Why I suggested it? Or why did you almost do it?" His Master countered impatiently, as he looked back up at his audience, "Do you really want ot know?"
Haru silently clenched his teeth in reply.
"Because you're starting to remember that you love her... and hate her... as well,"Akito explained with a small smile as he cocked his head to one side. The action was almost childlike... even his voice changing to that of sounds awfully similar to a young boy's,"It's useless continuing to protect her in this life. She'll never love you back. She didn't choose him this time... but she chose someone else, nontheless. So might as well end this now. Once it's done, we can start all over from scratch."
The Ox gaped at his Master, uncertain on how to react in his words.
"You look at me like that now, but you know deep in your heart that what I'm saying is only the truth," Akito continued in that strange voice, "This is the only way to stop it... Izumi-san."
"What did you call me?"
Akito's eyes narrowed into small slits, his voice once again taking a low and dangerous tone, "Get out of my room."
He didn't know how he did it. But somehow, he managed to walk through his Master's door and into his own quarters before collapsing on his bed. His legs finally giving out as his strength suddenly left him. It was only then that he realized that his entire body was shaking. He closed his eyes and curled up into a fetal position to control the trembling of his body. Nothing Akito said made sense. Nothing from what happened earlier made any sense. On top of that, he suddenly has these overwhelming feelings of uncertainty that he couldn't explain hanging over his head.
"Are you okay?" He heard Rin's voice called out softly from his door
Part of himself wanted to cry out and begging for her to come closer, seeking comfort. Another part of himself wanted to scream at her to get out, not wanting her to see him like this. So he opted for the middle ground of his feelings. He said nothing.
With that, he sensed her enter and move over his curled up form uncertainly before deciding to sit down on the edge of his bed, just above his head, "What happened?"
'I don't want to talk about it right now,' was what he wanted to say. But it simply came out as a tired groan. So much had happened, and He didn't think he had to ability to process it all. So they stayed in that postion in relative silence before she spoke again after a while.
"Do you want me leave?"
No, please stay! Yes, go away! "Idorrgn norrr..."
She sat there a quietly for a another few moments before sighing and started to get up. However, before she could even lift herself off, the young man suddenly reached out and pulled her closer to him. Rin fell back in bed with a loud yelp and struggled to sit up to regain her balance... only to find the young man's arms holding on tightly around her hips, sobbing quietly on her lap. She then allowed the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes to fall as she too, curled up against his warm body and silenly cried with him.
~~@~~
AUTHOR’S SQUAWK:
And this is the last chapter. The end.
Ja!
Ina-chan
Not really. Happy April Fools! ^_^.
Heh-heh... when Ina-chan is in one of her manic creative states... she's on a roll. Finally finished a chapter of FUMEI. I was actually agonizing on how to show this chapter. Originally, I wanted to write it as a Shigure/Akito perspective. But it didn't feel right. It was still too early to do that... at least not without giving a bigger glimpse on exactly what's going on in Akito's head. Which as you can see is really REALLY bad right now. I also figured that it would be a great way to show how Rin ended up doing what she did in an earlier chapter. Yeah... spending a lot of time with Akito can screw up your perception very well. Makes you kind of wonder what his real intentions are, ne? Is he really going psycho? Or is he only pretending? Or was he really psycho in the first place? And I also figured that this is a great way of showing more of the past lives I've been alluding to in the earlier chapters. Some of Haru's visions are also a reminice of scenes from "Jyuunishi no Enkei Monogatari" of which is pretty much this fic series' prequel. While Akito's "psychotic" scenes were inspired from various psychosis episodes I have observed in real life, it's still a very overly dramatic portrayal of it. I don't want to paint the wrong idea that all people with mental health issues act like how I portrayed Akito here.
Thanks for reading and <shameless> please listen to my interent J-POP Radio Show. J-MIX, every Mondays 5:00 - 6:30 PM E.S.T. on www.mediatalks.com
Comments and criticisms to ina_chan@yahoo.com
Ja!
Ina-chan
April 1, 2004
Fumei no Musubi: Chapter Eleven
By Ina-chan
"The scent peach blossoms... heavy and sweet... the smell of the memory of you..."
The slurred monotoned whisper with its sing-song rhythm bounced eerily through the four corners of the room.
"You... are the blossoms in the breeze...."
As if impersonating the actions of the blossoms in the tuneless song, the whisper hung in the air like a persistent phantom.
"...dancing gracefully..."
The whisper chanted in an almost childlike manner.
"... floating persistently..."
A complete contrast to the obvious "adult" lower range pitch that it held.
"...defying desprately... desperately..."
Nonetheless... listening to the sound would make any person's skin crawl.... or drive a person to insanity... or both.
"...the will of gravity..."
Yet... he sat there unmoving.
"...the heavy... heavy... will of god..."
Waiting.
"...tugging... pulling... struggling...."
Not really understanding what it was he was waiting for... or how long he had to wait.
"...the clear waters turning murky..."
Three hours had already passed, and all throughout that time, the damned whisper just continued to sing tunelessly.
"...silky hair... a pretty silver blanket spread on calm..."
But patience had always been one of his greatest virtues. So he waited without complaint.
"...red crimson on the floor..."
He looked up instinctively as the door slid open behind him to meet a pair of stoic light brown eyes looking at him inquiringly. He simply shook his head and the other man gave him a knowing bow in response before sliding the door closed once again. His eyes stayed at the direction of the door, as he listened for the older man's footsteps to fade in the hallways.
"Hatsuharu."
The Ox automatically turned towards the direction of the voice. He found his master peering at him through heavy-lidded eyes, "I'm here."
His companion still had that pitiful haunted little boy's tone in his quiet whisper, "I'm sorry I hit you. I didn't mean to."
"I know, Akito," Haru replied
"Do you hate me?" Akito asked again, his eyes closing for a moment as if resting from a great effort, before quickly opening again
"I don't hate you," the other man answered reassuringly
Akito looked at the other man hopefully, "Can you let me loose now? I promise not to hit you again."
"A little later, when you're more settled."
"But I am settled! I can barely even lift up my arms... see?" Akito protested almost pathetically, as he unsuccessfully demonstrated to lift up one of his restrained arms from his bed, "And they're sore. I promise I won't try to run away. I promise not to hurt myself either. Please let me loose. Please pleasepleasepleaseplease...."
"I let you loose after you get some sleep."
"IDIOT!!! I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP!!! I WANT TO BE SET FREE!!! LET ME LOOSE RIGHT NOW!!!" The Souma Master screamed with newfound energy fueled by his fury. His eyes flashed ferociously as he struggled with his bonds.
Haru couldn't help wincing at the sight of fresh scarlet seeping at the bandages that protected his master's injured wrist. It was only a superficial wound caused by an earlier incident. One of the servants carelessly forgot to count a missing chopstick from their master's meal trays. Akito had snapped the cuttlery in two and had attempted to slash his wrist repeatedly with the sharpened edge when he found an opportunity to be alone. It was fortunate that he started screaming in frustration when he realized that he couldn't do much damage with his tool. Haru found him in time just as Akito was about to stab his injured hand.
Three hours, four point restraints, and a shot of a large tranquilizer dose later... Akito still remained awake and unrepentent of his earlier actions. In many ways, Akito was a lot like Yuki. Despite the overwhelming obstacles put in front of him... His sheer will... or perhaps his madness as well... fueled his almost inhuman ability to resist others who try to make him succumb into their wishes.
Of course, this was just one of the many incidents that Haru had grown used to watch out for since their Master's gradual deterioration years ago. But it had only come to psychotic proportions almost immediately after Yuki's illness. As much as he had his own issues with Akito... and as much as it did seem to be for the best since everyone had started to enjoy a form of relative freedom since Akito had gotten sick... still... Haru never wanted wished for anything like this to happen to anyone. While everyone knew that Akito had fallen ill, it was really just him, Rin, Kureno, Hatori, and a few trusted servants who knew exactly what Akito was ill of.
It frustrated him.
Whatever the demons tormenting his Master were... Haru couldn't help stop this overwhelming feeling that he had to be there by Akito's side or something horrible would happen. It was just a silly feeling, as Rin would put it. But he didn't want to risk it. He knew that if he didn't do this... something very precious to him... to all of them... would be lost.
"Akito," Haru stated quietly amidst the other man's screaming, as he motioned to get up on his feet, "I'm going to get Hatori."
Almost immediately the dark-haired man stopped and stared at the younger man, his eyes widening anxiously, "NO! No, no, please. I'm sorry. No more needles. I'm sorry I yelled. I won't do it again. I promise I'll be quiet. Don't call Hatori. Don't leave me alone. Please. Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease...."
Haru settled back on his seat and returned to his silent vigil.
Akito automatically relaxed and stared up at the ceiling, "Hatsuharu... do you hate me?"
"No, I don't hate you, Akito," came the other man's immediate reply. He closed his eyes, as he mentally prepared himself. It was going to start again. This always happens when his Master suffers from under one of his 'spells'. A string of repeated questions that he will give a string of repeated answers, and soon after Akito will fall once again into a lapse of tuneless whispered singing.
"Do you think she hates me?"
"Who is her, Akito?" It starts with that mysterious woman whom he only refers to as "she" or "her".
"Her. She came to me again."
'She' visits him... haunts him... whenever his Master closes his eyes, a woman whose beauty no words can describe.
"She was a boy this time."
'She' comes in many different forms and faces. Woman, girl, boy, young man... but it doesn't matter what she looks like. His Master always knows that it's her.
"She was going away. Far far away. I told her that I would marry her so she didn't have to leave and we'd be together forever."
'She's' always trying to leave. And his Master always tries to hold on to 'her'.
"But she refused to stay with me. She didn't say it out loud but I knew it was because of him. It was always because of him."
'She's' always trying to run away because of a person that his master only refers to as 'him'.
"You were also there Hatsuharu," Akito broke away momentarily from the ceiling to look at the younger man, "But you were a girl."
"Was I?" Haru answered on cue
"You were the one who told me about it... and I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried."
And the end result is always the same. No matter how hard he tries to keep 'her'... 'She' always leaves.
"You won't leave me like she always does, right, Hatsuharu?"
"I'll always be here, Akito."
"She had beautiful long hair. The first time I saw her was in the peach orchard. I wasn't wearing my usual clothes so she didn't know it was me."
'Her' hair flowing freely in the breeze as 'she' sat in the garden.
"She was very kind. Beautiful and kind. She had a beautiful smile... but her eyes were sad."
'She' sat there as if waiting for someone.
"All I ever wanted is to see her smile with happy eyes. All I ever wanted is to stay beside her and watch her smile with happy eyes."
But 'he' wouldn't allow it. 'He' didn't want 'her' to be happy with anyone. 'He' wanted to keep her for himself.
"But instead she chose him over me. She loved him much more than her own life. She even cut her beautiful long hair for him."
'She' always chose 'him', even though 'he' had grown to hate 'her'.
"She loved him more than she can ever love me."
So the end is always the same. 'She' leaves... always. And it would start again. The damned monotonous singing about flying peach blossoms, drowning in murky waters, and pools of deep deep red seeping on the ground. Bringing goosebumps on your arms... enough to drive anyone insane...
"Hatsuharu."
Haru blinked, his thoughts being pulled out into reality as he found Akito looking at him with an intense glint in his eyes. Something inside him snapped in attention, as if hypnotized by his master's gaze.
"Do you love me, Hatsuharu?" Akito's soft voice rang clearly in the silence of the room
"Yes, Akito," His lips replied automatically, his voice answering without his consent... as if it suddenly grew a will of its own
"Then you will help me?"
"Whatever you wish, Akito."
"Stop her. Stop her from torturing me."
Haru frowned. This was definitely something out of the ordinary. When Akito fell into these spells of his, he never broke his cycles. At least not on his watch. He was tempted to get up and call for Kureno... but there was something in the unusual way Akito was staring at him that seemed to freeze him in place. He felt like a small animal caught in the headlights of an incoming car. No matter how much he willed his body to move... he attained no response.
"Kill her. End all this suffering now. End all this misery now. End the pain. It's the only way to stop it. It's the only way for everything to fall in place. Kill her while she's sleeping. While its painless. Kill her for me."
Haru stared at the older man in shock. Something stirred inside of him. He let out a gasp, his hands clutching the side of of his head as he doubled over from the sharp pain shot through his left eye. All at once... random images and sounds... fragments of disjoineted dreams... as if being played from a broken movie reel flashed in front of his eyes.
He dreamed of a small ten-year-old girl with long silver-gray tresses, her face showing pure delight... her cloudy useless gray eyes not marring the beauty of her childish face a single bit. She ran to his arms excitedly as he lifted her up. He let her fingers trace the contours of his face for her to "see" him. /Sou-chan came! Yume-chan missed Sou-chan so much! Is Onnichan coming too?/
Kill her.
He dreamed of a handsome young man looking in the distance as he tapped a blank sketch pad in front of him in annoyance, /I know! I know! It's already been a month since I received the letter. And I'm leaving for Germany next week. But... I just don't have the heart to tell Akiko-san.../
He dreamed of a little girl, sobbing uncontrollably in the comforting arms of an older boy. Watching the scene, his heart poured onto her grief. So in his dream, he couldn't help but let a painful sob from escaping his throat as well. The boy, upon hearing him, turned to him with an annoyed frown, /Stop crying. Don't disgrace our family name./
End all this suffering now.
He dreamed of a young boy sitting by the open window who looked at him without a trace of pre-judgement in his eyes as he made a small smile, /Un. I understand./
He dreamed of two young girls sitting by the open engawa. The older-looking girl, with long dark hair was braiding the younger girl's identically styled silver grey hair, /Yume-chan has such pretty hair. Promise that you'll keep your hair the same way, and I'll keep my hair the same way as yours. We'll be like sisters and we'll be best friends and be together forever and ever./
He dreamed that the younger girl laughed gleefully in agreement to what the older girl said, /Un! Yume-chan with A-chan and Oniichan forever and ever./
Stop her.
He dreamed of that young man again, from earlier. His eyes flashed with uncharacteristic anger as he glared at him. Almost accusingly, /SHE'S LYING!!! You KNOW that I didn't touch her. You KNOW that it's IMPOSSIBLE! You can't make me stay here. Taka, you promised to help me! If you keep me here, she's going to do something to hurt Kyoko!/
End all this misery now.
He dreamed of a scene that looked like it came from a historical epic, where a stern looking man and a defiant younger woman, both wearing clothes from the feudal eras of fogotten lore, glared at each other with unspoken anger.
/Do you honestly believe that the Souma clan will accept you?/ said the man he dreamed
/Who said that they had to know that it is Mizugawa Yukino standing in front of them?/ said the beautiful young woman shot back, refusing to back down.
/And how do you expect to get away with that?/ the man challenged
And he dreamt her responding to his statement with one swift move. She took the sword by his feet before he could react and slashed her long tresses. Her now chin length hair flew wildly in the air... but the icy determination in her eyes was what froze him in place. And he knew all at once, even though that it was merely a dream, that the decision he made a child was not a mistake. He would everything in his power to protect her. From back then... to now... tomorrow... and even beyond death.
Stop her torture...
He dreamnt of a 12-year-old girl screaming at his face in utter disbelief, /THAT'S A LIE!!! YOU'RE LYING!!! YUUTA CAN'T BE DEAD! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY WITH ME FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!! TAKE IT BACK TAKA! TAKE IT BACK! YUUTA'S NOT DEAD! HE CAN'T BE DEAD!/
End all this pain.
He dreamt of a familiar looking man... with a younger face. This young man in his dream, he remembered to normally have wild orange hair. Now, it was matted wet auburn locks as the man sat by the lakeshore, as if in shock. In his arms, he protectively held a limp small girl with long silver-grey tresses. He was rocked gently as if he was merely putting her to sleep. The man he dreamt looked completely lost when his tear-streaked face finally looked up to meet his eyes /Souichiro... she was in the water... Souichiro, she's not breathing. I can't get her to start breathing... Do something, please? Make her start breathing again./
It's the only way for it to stop...
He dreamt of that beautiful woman, who cut her hair. Her voice came out as a harsh rasp. /What's wrong?/
And in his dream, he could only stare in horror at the realization that the arrow neatly impaled itself through the gaps of her armour and through the delicate flesh of her neck. He let out an anguished cry as she crumpled and fell off her horse, his elder brother deftly catching her in his arms. He rushed to her side, ignoring the chaos beginning around him. She reached out to to wipe the tears flowing freely from his eyes. And in his dream... he lamented in sorrow because he failed. He couldn't protect her...
End her suffering painlessly...
He dreamt of that day when Shigure gathered them and quietly said. /It doesn't look good./ He dreamt and remembered how everyone reacted when Shigure explained how impossible the situation was.
/Shi-chan, what are the chances of him waking up?/
/........./
/Sensei?/
/......... zero./
/WHAT!?!/
/But knowing Yuki, he'll keep hanging on for as long as he can on life support until..../
/That's not fair! Shi-chan, we can't let Yun-chan suffer like that!/
/That's not our decision to make Kagura./
/Bullshit! You're saying that we have to leave the decision to Tooru-san then?/
/That's not a decision for her to make either./
It's the only way...
He dreamt that he was standing in Yuki's room, watching Yuki sleep. Wondering in awe at the peaceful quality on Yuki's face as he slept. It didn't seem like he was miserable... or suffering... but he knew that this was not the way for anybody to live. To just be alive, but not living. He knew if it was him in his place, he wouldn't want to live like this. He wouldn't have wanted the people around him to suffer as they watched him slowly waste away. He stood by the sleeping figure and stared at the plastic tubes splayed all around. Ever since that day, when they were children... Haru vowed that he would do everything in his power to protect him. Whether it be to protect Yuki from Akito, or from his mother, or even his own self-indulgent loneliness... Haru kept that personal vow at heart. But how can you protect a person when the enemy is his own failing body?
It hurt him to see Yuki and Tooru like this. Despite the reassuring smiles and the encouraging words he's freely given to Tooru, it seemed to get harder and harder to maintain it day by day. Specially now with Akito deteriorating even more. Everyone is suffering. Tooru, Akito, Rin, Ayame-niisan, Hatori-niisan, Sensei... everyone. Everyone is feeling the strain. Keeping Yuki in this state... there is this awful feeling of uncertainess. Like being painted in the corner of the room. No matter which way you turn, there is no place to go. At least if all of this finally ended...
If it finally ended... there will be closure. Everyone will be miserable for a while, but eventually, they will finally be able to move on.
So... Kill her... Stop her from torturing me... kill her while she sleeps...
In his dream, his eyes trailed at the sleeping image of the young man he loved and admired since he was a child and stopped at the clear plastic attached to his neck. The solution, after all, was simple, and painless. It's just like dying peacefully in your sleep. All it took was to reach out and make one quick tug...
"Hatsuharu-san?"
Haru blinked at the sound of his name. He turned around and saw his cousin's wife looking at him in concern with a vase of fresh flowers at hand. He looked at his surroundings, and his eyes widened in surprise, upon realizing that he really was in Yuki's room...
It wasn't a dream. And if Tooru didn't come on time... he would have... His hands automatically went up to cover his mouth as bile started to rise up his throat.
"Hatsuharu-san? Are you alright?" Tooru put the vase on the nightstand, pulled a chair closer to the younger man and gently led him to be seated,"Stay here, I'll go get Hatori-san."
"No!" Haru's hands immediately shot out to grab her wrist. He shook his head vigorously and forced a smile, "I'm fine. I think I'm just a little tired. I'm sorry to have worried you."
Tooru frowned as her eyes focused on the bandage on his cheek, "Hatsuharu-san, what happened to your face?"
"Ah. I was just clumsy and had a little accident earlier," Haru replied comfortingly, "Rin already gave me a lecture about it, so I'll make sure not to do it again."
The frown etched on the young woman's face was not erased by his reassurance, "I think it would be wise for Hatori-san to see you. And of course I'm worried regardless. Everyone seems to be getting sick one by one from stress. I bet you, Isuzu-san and Kureno-san are busy with Akito-san. I heard from the servants that he was ill again this morning. Is he all right?"
The young man couldn't help but wince at her words. But somehow, he managed to not allow his smile to falter, "You should worry more about yourself, Tooru-san. After all, it's not just you that's dependent on your health. Shouldn't you be resting?"
An sheepish look crept on to the girl's face, "Ah... well. I'm supposed to just be going to the washroom. But I figured that since I was out of my room, I might as well visit Yuki-kun for a little while. Kyou-kun needed the break anyway. And Kagura-san allowed me one hour with him before she comes to drag me back." With that, she let out a long sigh,"This is really not how I expected this."
"Expected what?" Haru inquired curiously
"Anou..." The young woman instantly blushed and ducked her head in embarrassment, "This whole pregnancy experience. I always thought it was going to be something special and wonderful... I mean it is... but at the same time, with how everyone is acting... sometimes it feels like a prison term."
The Ox couldn't help but give her an amused chuckle at that. His eyes twinkling mischievously as he got on his feet, "Saa... then I suppose I should take me leave so you can have your conjugal visit with your husband."
"EH!?!!! HATSUHARU-SAN!!!" Tooru exclaimed, completely scandalized, as she turned into an even deeper shade of red
Haru held in his laughter as he left the room with a small wave. But as he walked back to Akito's side of the compound, a numb feeling erased whatever laughter he wanted to let out from his encounter with Tooru. His thoughts played over and over again at the visions he saw in his head... as well as what almost happened... what he could have ended up doing. He was already half-way back when the familiar ball of anger that he kept hidden inside started to seethe and boil in his chest. His feelings were probably obviously showing on his face as well, for every person he met in the halls instinctively stepped aside to let him pass. Even Rin didn't attempt to block his way when he met her at the corridor that led to Akito's quarters. He didn't stop until he reached the sliding door that opened into Akito's room. And that was only because Kureno blocked his path. Kureno was one of the few members of the jyuunishi who was not intimidated by his Black personality. But then again... very few things intimidated Kureno.
"Get out of my way," Haru's voice snarled low and
dangerously. He didn't know what just happened or how it happened. But he knew that he was going to get to the bottom of it, and no one... not even the very will of God himself, will stop him.
The older man simply silently gazed back at him with his stoic expression, showing no intention of moving.
"It's fine Kureno, let him back in," Akito's muffled voice called out from the room, "And please close the door after him Kureno."
Kureno stepped aside obediently as Haru brushed passed him rudely and slammed open the door. Kureno, then proceeded to slide the door shut in a more gentle manner, before his footsteps faded once again in the hallways. He found his Master freed from his bonds, sitting up by the window, watching a small bird as he fed it from the palm of his bandaged hand. Akito didn't even bother looking up to face Haru as he spoke, "Did you get lost finding the washroom?"
"Is this your idea of a sick joke?" Black Haru demanded
"You're the one who's acting funny, Hatsuharu. Then again, the Ox has always been such a comedian,"Akito countered, with an amused lilt in his voice, "Did something happen?"
"What did you do to me? What the hell was that?" Black Haru continued
"Me? I didn't do anything... well, not much," Akito laughed. The bird on his hand looked up and tilted its head to one side at the man's sudden amusement. "Every person's mind houses secret feelings... and memories... hidden behind a closed door. It's locked and sealed up very tightly. I only opened a small crack in the window. Anything that happened after that is all you," Akito finally looked up and looked at the Ox curiously, "Why are you upset, Hatsuharu? Did you see something interesting?"
"GODDAMMIT, STOP SCREWING WITH MY HEAD!"
Akito's eyes flashed. The bird in his hand let out a surprised squeak as the hand it was standing on suddenly tightened into a closed fist around it. his voice falling equally low and dangerous, "Don't you dare raise your voice at me. I will forgive you this once as repayment for your... kindness... whenever I fall ill. But raise your voice again, and I may conviniently forget to repay your kindness."
The silence in the room was deafening. Haru could only clench and unclench his fists as he struggled within himself to not succumb to project the feelings he was feeling earlier at Yuki's bedside on Akito.
"Now look at what you made me do," Akito's tone switched to an annoyed whine as he turned to the, now twitching, animal in his hand. He dropped the dying bird on the floor and watched it lapse into a seizure before falling still. Akito then looked up to meet Black Haru's eyes. His grey orbs giving the younger boy a spine-chilling gaze,"See what happens when you make me angry."
Almost instantly, the fury inside the younger man faded as he stared at the dead carcass on the floor. Akito's unspoken threat fueled his reason to overcome his anger.
With that, his Master made an exasperated sigh as he trotted from his seat, brushed past the Ox and climbed into his futon. He then let made a dismissive wave as he tried to get himself comfortable, "I'm tired, if that is all, you have my permission to leave."
"Why?" Was the only word he could muster.
"What do you mean 'why'? Why I suggested it? Or why did you almost do it?" His Master countered impatiently, as he looked back up at his audience, "Do you really want ot know?"
Haru silently clenched his teeth in reply.
"Because you're starting to remember that you love her... and hate her... as well,"Akito explained with a small smile as he cocked his head to one side. The action was almost childlike... even his voice changing to that of sounds awfully similar to a young boy's,"It's useless continuing to protect her in this life. She'll never love you back. She didn't choose him this time... but she chose someone else, nontheless. So might as well end this now. Once it's done, we can start all over from scratch."
The Ox gaped at his Master, uncertain on how to react in his words.
"You look at me like that now, but you know deep in your heart that what I'm saying is only the truth," Akito continued in that strange voice, "This is the only way to stop it... Izumi-san."
"What did you call me?"
Akito's eyes narrowed into small slits, his voice once again taking a low and dangerous tone, "Get out of my room."
He didn't know how he did it. But somehow, he managed to walk through his Master's door and into his own quarters before collapsing on his bed. His legs finally giving out as his strength suddenly left him. It was only then that he realized that his entire body was shaking. He closed his eyes and curled up into a fetal position to control the trembling of his body. Nothing Akito said made sense. Nothing from what happened earlier made any sense. On top of that, he suddenly has these overwhelming feelings of uncertainty that he couldn't explain hanging over his head.
"Are you okay?" He heard Rin's voice called out softly from his door
Part of himself wanted to cry out and begging for her to come closer, seeking comfort. Another part of himself wanted to scream at her to get out, not wanting her to see him like this. So he opted for the middle ground of his feelings. He said nothing.
With that, he sensed her enter and move over his curled up form uncertainly before deciding to sit down on the edge of his bed, just above his head, "What happened?"
'I don't want to talk about it right now,' was what he wanted to say. But it simply came out as a tired groan. So much had happened, and He didn't think he had to ability to process it all. So they stayed in that postion in relative silence before she spoke again after a while.
"Do you want me leave?"
No, please stay! Yes, go away! "Idorrgn norrr..."
She sat there a quietly for a another few moments before sighing and started to get up. However, before she could even lift herself off, the young man suddenly reached out and pulled her closer to him. Rin fell back in bed with a loud yelp and struggled to sit up to regain her balance... only to find the young man's arms holding on tightly around her hips, sobbing quietly on her lap. She then allowed the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes to fall as she too, curled up against his warm body and silenly cried with him.
~~@~~
AUTHOR’S SQUAWK:
And this is the last chapter. The end.
Ja!
Ina-chan
Not really. Happy April Fools! ^_^.
Heh-heh... when Ina-chan is in one of her manic creative states... she's on a roll. Finally finished a chapter of FUMEI. I was actually agonizing on how to show this chapter. Originally, I wanted to write it as a Shigure/Akito perspective. But it didn't feel right. It was still too early to do that... at least not without giving a bigger glimpse on exactly what's going on in Akito's head. Which as you can see is really REALLY bad right now. I also figured that it would be a great way to show how Rin ended up doing what she did in an earlier chapter. Yeah... spending a lot of time with Akito can screw up your perception very well. Makes you kind of wonder what his real intentions are, ne? Is he really going psycho? Or is he only pretending? Or was he really psycho in the first place? And I also figured that this is a great way of showing more of the past lives I've been alluding to in the earlier chapters. Some of Haru's visions are also a reminice of scenes from "Jyuunishi no Enkei Monogatari" of which is pretty much this fic series' prequel. While Akito's "psychotic" scenes were inspired from various psychosis episodes I have observed in real life, it's still a very overly dramatic portrayal of it. I don't want to paint the wrong idea that all people with mental health issues act like how I portrayed Akito here.
Thanks for reading and <shameless> please listen to my interent J-POP Radio Show. J-MIX, every Mondays 5:00 - 6:30 PM E.S.T. on www.mediatalks.com
Comments and criticisms to ina_chan@yahoo.com
Ja!
Ina-chan