Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Gravity ❯ Gravity ( Chapter 1 )

The lyrics are from Gravity by A Perfect Circle.

 

XxXxXxXxX

 

 

….I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live….

 

XxXxX

 

Tohru stumbled into the house, Yuki just behind her. The house was quiet as Yuki carefully took off his shoes, watching Tohru. Her actions were clumsy; she practically tripped out of her shoes while trying to take them off.

 

As he placed his shoes neatly beside hers, Yuki heard Shigure speak somewhere to his left.

 

“Back all ready? How'd it go?”

 

Yuki looked over at the Shigure, then at the oniguri, who was slowly and almost mechanically making her way up the stairs.

 

“….Not good at all,” Yuki said softly.

 

About an hour ago, he and Tohru had gone to the main house to see Akito. Tohru hadn't been able to pull enough money together for her tuition that month, and was desperate for a way to pay for it. Shigure hadn't had enough money; his last novel hadn't sold too well. So he suggested she ask Akito for a loan. Yuki had been apprehensive about Tohru going to see Akito; he doubted he would just hand over the money. Tohru had been willing, though, and Yuki decided to go as well, in case Akito tried to do anything.

 

XxXxXxX

 

Tohru knelt quietly in front of the head of the Sohma family. She had asked, moments ago, for a loan and promised to pay him back as soon as she could. He hadn't spoken a word since her request, just continued staring out the open doors. Beside her sat Yuki; he was unnaturally tense.

 

“So,” Akito said suddenly. “You want to use my money to go to school?”

 

“Just until I can pay you ba-” Tohru said just before she was cut off.

 

“After I so graciously allowed you to continue living with Shigure and the others (without erasing your memory, I might add), you have the nerve to ask for more?”

 

“I'm sorry, Akito-san,” Tohru said softly. “I have no one else to ask….”

 

“Oh yes, that's right….You're a dirty little orphan, aren't you?”

 

Out of the corner of her eye, Tohru saw Yuki's head snap up to glare at Akito.

 

“A dirty little orphan,” Akito continued, “with no where to go. You won't get my sympathy, Tohru-san.”

 

Tohru didn't know how to react. No one had ever called her an orphan before…though that was what she was, wasn't it? She had never thought of it that way. Orphan…..the word just had an unloved sound to it; orphans were children who had nothing, who had no one, right? She wasn't like that; she had Yuki and Kyo….

 

“I will not be paying for your tuition.”

 

Tohru stared at him. She had to have her tuition paid for…to keep her promise…. ”Please, Akito-san,” she whispered. “I have to finish high school…. I promised mom I would.”

 

“Could you get any more pathetic?” Akito snapped. “You are begging me for money so you can go to school for your dead mother; you're not even doing this for yourself. Your only goal in life is to keep a promise; where's that going to get you? Face it, Tohru-san, you're all alone, and no one will help you.”

 

“I…I'm not alone….” Tohru said. Why was he saying these things?

 

Akito laughed. “Your own relatives won't take care of you! You had to go live with strangers, Tohru-san.”

 

“But, I'm not alone,” Tohru repeated. “I-I have my friends…and Yuki…”

 

Akito snickered. “Don't make me laugh. You and dear little Yuki…so very plainly in love with each other; there is no use in denying it. Anyone with eyes can see it. So in love, and nothing can come of it.”

 

Tohru bit her lip, and glanced over at Yuki. He was staring at the floor once more, blushing slightly. He was embarrassed…. Embarrassed over what? What Akito said, that they were `in love'? That meant he did like her…that there was some hope for them. “We can try-”

 

Tohru screeched mid-sentence as Akito suddenly, and roughly, grabbed a handful of her hair and jerked her up, throwing her at a nearby wall. Her back hit the hard, wooden surface; she steadied herself against it, regaining her balance as Yuki leapt to his feet, moving between her and Akito. Tohru faintly thought of how brave Yuki was, as he was so terrified of Akito, before Akito forcefully turned the rat around so that he was facing Tohru, and thrust him at her. Unable to stop himself, Yuki collided into her and instantly turned into a rat.

 

“That,” Akito said as he walked towards Tohru, “is what will happen every time you try to get close to him.” He paused to kick Yuki's clothes out of the way, kicking Yuki along with them. Tohru gasped as she heard a loud squeak from them.

 

The head of the Sohma's reached her, and Tohru stiffened, suddenly realizing fully why Yuki was so afraid of him. Akito seemed to radiate evil up close, his expression dark and cruel. How could someone be like this…?

 

His nose brushed against hers, and as he spoke, he stroked her jawbone and cheek lightly with his fingertips. “He can never come this close to you, he can never hold you. He is the only thing that you have left? You cannot find happiness with him, nor anywhere else. Don't you see it now?” He gripped her chin harshly, making her cry out and look up at him. “You have nothing… and you are nothing.”

 

Her lip trembled as Akito's words sunk in. Akito smiled.

 

XxXxXxX

 

It had been several moments since Akito left, and Yuki finally changed back. Almost immediately after Akito had gone, Tohru had sunk down to her knees, and had remained that way. Her expression was void of any emotions. Yuki tried to comfort her, though there was very little he could do as a rat, and it didn't help that he hadn't been able to hear any of what Akito had whispered to her after he had transformed.

 

Tohru didn't even flinch when the familiar pop and poof of smoke came, as Yuki changed back. Yuki hurried, putting his clothes on as quick as he could. Tohru needed to get away from this room, away from Akito's lingering presence, and he was sure that she wouldn't move unless coaxed.

 

Fully dressed, Yuki knelt beside Tohru, lightly touching her arm. “Honda-san.” She didn't look at him. “Honda-san, we should go.” He gently tightened his grip on her arm, and she stood up.

 

He held her hand as they walked out, but her fingers didn't intertwine with his.

 

XxXxXxX

 

Tohru made her way to her room. She'd never felt this way before, totally devoid of happiness, of any uplifting emotion. She just wanted to scream, or cry….why did she feel like this?

 

Why? That was easy. It was because of Akito, what Akito had said…how he revealed the truth about her life. She had always seen the world as a glass half full; nothing could ever crush her spirits, not when her mom died, or when she had to live in a tent. She was stupid for thinking she was lucky, when all her life had been one depressing event after another. But…she wanted to feel that way again, feel that never-ending happiness again. It seemed impossible now; this feeling was so large, so great; how could it ever go away?

 

She sat on her bed, slipping her hands into her pockets, feeling cold, only to quickly pull her hand out as it hit something sharp. Tohru stared at her finger; a drop of blood formed at the tip. What was in her pocket?

 

Carefully this time, she put her hand back in her pocket and slowly felt around for whatever it was that pricked her. Feeling metal, she gently held it between two fingers and pulled it out. It was a small blade, probably from a razor. How did that….?

 

Oh. Right. Akito had put it there. Before he had left, Tohru had felt his hand by her pocket as he whispered in her ear, “I'm leaving a gift for you. Use it wisely, and do yourself a favor….you've nothing now but this.”

 

She stared at the thin piece of metal. Did Akito really want her to….He had, of course he had. Why else would he put the blade in her pocket. Tohru continued to stare at the shining blade. If she did, this feeling would be gone; she wouldn't have to feel anything anymore….But, could she do it?

 

 

XxXxXxXxX

 

Yuki sat stiffly in front of the television, trying to shake off the feeling the main house always gave him; depression. Whether he was about to go to the main house, or had just come back, the feeling was there. That house did not hold happy memories for him. Shigure was in the room as well, reading a newspaper.

 

Usually, whenever his spirits were down, like now, Tohru was there to cheer him up, even if she didn't do it intentionally. Just her presence was enough to make him smile, or as much as he could allow himself to.

 

But now, Tohru was depressed, or something close to it. He'd never seen her at anywhere remotely like this, save for when she saw Kyo's true form. Yuki desperately wished he knew what Akito had said to her; he wanted to help her out of this mood like she helped him.

 

“Do you really think Tohru should be left alone now?” Shigure said softly. “Maybe she needs to be around people now.”

 

“I think she should have some time alone,” Yuki answered just as softly. “I'll go see how she is in a little bit.”

 

“All right,” Shigure said skeptically and went back to reading his paper.

 

 

XxXxXxXxX

 

Tohru lay in bed, staring a the ceiling as blood flowed steadily from her wrists. It had hurt so much, the first cut; she had gone slowly, starting mid-arm and moving up. She'd learned her lesson when she went to cut the other; short, quick cuts, leading up the middle of her forearm. Press down, cut quick. Press down, cut quick.

 

The ceiling seemed to spin slowly, as she went over her decision in her head. This was it, this was final. She had crossed the point of no return.

 

So she lay in bed and thought. Most of what she thought of were memories; of her mom, of Hana and Uo, but mostly of Yuki and Kyo. Kyo was such a sweetheart under that scowl he wore everyday. He rarely ever let anyone see that side of him, but Tohru had caught a few glimpses of it. One time, when she went to give him some water while he trained, she found him on the edge of the woods that surrounded Shigure's house, wrapping a bird's wing in strips of cloth. The poor thing's wing was broken, and Kyo was trying to mend it. It was then that Tohru fully saw Kyo; he didn't just like to train or fight Yuki. He cared deeply about things; he was a very passionate person.

 

Tohru smiled as she remembered more times with Kyo; playing Dai Hin Min with him, spending New Years with him and Yuki, playing ping pong at the onsen….

 

…The onsen was where Tohru first saw Yuki laugh; at school he was so reserved and polite; he never showed his true personality. But Tohru knew how special Yuki was, more so than his fan club. He was unsure of himself, self-conscious, and just as flawed as everyone else underneath that facade. And…he was perfect for it. He was wonderful.

 

Tohru bit her lip, as tears threatened to overwhelm her. She didn't want to think about Yuki; she would never see him again. But…then….she did. She wanted to think about him, and every little detail of him and leave it permanently imprinted in her mind. Oh God, she was as bad as the girls in Yuki's fan club.

 

But…She had something that the other girl's didn't. She had seen the real Yuki, gotten to know him. That should be enough.

 

It wasn't though. It wasn't enough to have known Yuki. Now that she had admitted it to herself, she desperately wanted to be with Yuki, wanted to be the one he daydreamed about, wanted to be the one he wanted, wanted to be the one for him. She wanted to be the first girl to ever feel his kisses, to know how wonderful it felt to get close (or as close as she could get) to him. But that was selfish; it wasn't right for her to want such things.

 

But, why not? Why not her?

 

Because she had given up. Because she had stopped trying…over what? What Akito said, of course. How Akito had put it plainly in her face how horrible and pathetic her life was. Because Akito had found a way to completely crush her optimism. But all those things he'd stated never stopped her before. What was stopping her now?

 

The fact that she could never truly be with Yuki; there would be almost no physical contact between them. It would be hard, so very hard….

So what? They didn't have to touch, they didn't have to hug. Why did that matter so much? They could make it, they could try.

 

Feeling her optimism rise, Tohru tried to sit up. It was a struggle; she was so much weaker. How much time had passed since she had cut herself? It didn't seem like a while. Her arms were barely working to push herself up; how was she going to get out of her room if she couldn't even sit up?

 

Come on now, don't think like that! Can't give up!

 

She continued her struggle, and just as she finally reached a sitting position, she heard footsteps in the hall and froze.

 

The footsteps were coming closer. What if they (whoever it was) came in? Tohru looked down at her arms. Blood was everywhere; her arms, her clothes, the bed sheets, and it was still flowing, much slower though. She couldn't let anyone see her; what would they think? What would they do if they knew she had given up?

 

The footsteps stopped; the person was right outside her door. They stayed there for a while, then she heard them start back down the hall.

 

Stop thinking like that! They have to know, or you'll die!

 

Gathering all her strength, Tohru pushed herself off the bed.

 

XxXxXxX

 

Yuki paused outside Tohru's room. It was quiet inside; what if she was sleeping? He didn't want to disturb her.

 

But what if she wasn't asleep? He should see if she was all right.

 

Yuki raised his hand to knock on her door, then brought it down. It would be extremely rude to wake her if she was asleep; he'd come back in fifteen more minutes.

 

He was halfway down the hall when he heard a loud thump from Tohru's room. He paused, looking back at her door. Silence filled the third floor of the house, then a small crash filtered out through Tohru's room. Yuki ran to her room and opened the door.

 

Tohru was laying face down on the carpet, her nightstand toppled over. Red was everywhere; blood. He could see it on her arms and the floor around her.

 

“Honda-san!” Yuki cried, rushing to her, and kneeling in front of her. She looked up at him and smiled slightly.

 

“Yu…ki-kun…”

 

“Shigure!” Yuki yelled out into the hall, hoping the dog could hear him. “Shigure, call the hospital!” He looked back down at Tohru when he felt her hands on his knees; they were bloody, so very bloody, and her wrists…Yuki's stomach churned when he saw Tohru's wrists. “Tohru…what did you do to yourself?” he murmured as he gripped her wrists, applying pressure to them. In school, they always said to apply pressure, always. He hoped to God that it worked.

 

“It's okay, isn't it….Yuki-kun?” Tohru whispered turning on her side, looking up at him.

 

“Huh?” What the hell was she talking about? Nothing was okay about this situation, nothing!

 

“We can make it…together…can't we? We'll…be…fine….”

 

“Yes. Yes, Tohru, everything will be fine, you'll be fine,” Yuki said hastily. Where was that damn dog? “Shigure!”

 

“Good,” the oniguri sighed and closed her eyes for the last time.