Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ I Love You ❯ I Love You ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: I do no own the characters from Fruits Basket or the exquisite song “Neul” (Waiting) by BoA. Translations of the original lyrics were not done by me as I do not know Korean, but it's a beautiful song and I recommend you listen to it.

 

“I Love You”

 

I've never told you how I really felt. I was afraid. There was just something about you… I couldn't admit my feelings. I've liked you for a long time and I don't think you've fully realized it.

 

How long has it been?

A lot of time has passed by

 

I walk down the dark hallway, my footsteps pattering softly on the wooden floor. The doorway on my right catches my attention. It's wide open. Usually you have it closed. I stop next to it and look inside. Moonlight shines in through the open window and I see you sitting on your bed, illuminated in the heavenly glow. I smile at first… but then I see the tears on your cheeks and pain engulfs my chest.

 

Why does my heart hurt so much?

Why are you hurting?

 

I silently creep in. I call out your name quietly, afraid that I might startle you. Your tear-filled eyes, glistening in the silver light, look up into mine, searching them for some kind of sign…

Yet you say nothing….

“Are you okay?” I ask.

I want to know what's troubling you. I want to know what you are feeling. I want to know what I can do to make you feel better. It pains me to see you like this. I want to help you… but I don't know how….

Your sorrowful eyes remain locked on mine and I cannot pull away from their anguished depths. Your lips tremble, but still you say nothing.

 

Was there something that was hard?

Why aren't you saying anything?

 

I rest my hand reassuringly on your knee and I sit down on my knees in front of you on the floor. Your eyes follow my every move and still I cannot pull away from them.

I have to tell you now. I think you might be suspecting the truth, but I have to tell you myself. If I don't do it now, I'm afraid never will.

 

It's now… I'm in front you...

I have to say my feelings...

The long wait...

Waiting for you...

 

I begin to tremble all over helplessly and I cannot stop myself. I pull my eyes away from yours as I feel burning tears gathering and preparing to fall down my soft cheeks.

I can't do it.

 

It feels stupid

It was always like this

It had to be

 

It wasn't fair. Why did you have to be cursed with the vengeful spirits? Why couldn't it be some other Sohma? You're too kind of a person to have this pain burdening your soul.

But I guess… this curse is part of who you are. You wouldn't be the same person without it. And even though it makes things difficult, even though it makes you fearful and cautious, even though it hurts you - it's still makes you you.

And I love you for being who you are. I'm thankful that I've met you and that we could be together in this short amount of time.

 

I love you for you

I'm grateful, just as before

 

I look up into your eyes as forbidden tears trailed down my cheeks. I long for your simple touch. I long to feel you embrace me… but I know that cannot happen. That's okay. I've learned to deal with that since I first found out. It's just so hard to comfort each other in these situations.

I wish I could hold you and feel you return my hug, but that's your curse.

I know you don't like to talk about it, but I won't be able to help you if you don't. Please, let me help you. Please say something. I don't care what it is, just say something.

Why won't you let me in?

 

Why aren't you holding me?

Why aren't you asking me anything?

 

I tear my gaze away from you. It pains me to look at you. Helpless. I feel so useless. If you'd just let me in…

But you won't.

I stand up and turn my back to you. I'm just a waste of time. There's nothing I can do for you.

“Gomen nasai,” I whisper with difficulty, my voice cracking. “I'm sorry… I can't help you any more. I can't cure you of this curse you carry.”

You don't need me anymore.

 

Do you think I'll be okay without you?

 

Suddenly, you're standing before me, gripping my arm in your strong hand. Slowly, I look up. I see your alarmed eyes shining with desperate tears. With your other hand, you reach up and gently wipe away the tears from my blushing cheek. You look as though you want to say something, but say nothing. I swallow painfully, my chest rising and falling with each unstable breath. Aware of your closeness and your soft touches, my lips tremble as I try to speak my mind.

 

It's now... I'm in front you...

I have to say my feelings...

The long wait... Waiting for you...

 

“I'm not good enough,” I sob. The grief in my heart is too much to bare… “I can't save you…”

But…

 

I know...

 

“I can't stay here,” I whimper. “I'm no good…” I shake my head painfully. “No good…”

 

The last thing I can do for you is say goodbye

 

What was that? Fear in your eyes?

It hurts too much.

“No…” you murmur. “Stay. Please. Don't leave me.”

I pull my eyes away from yours. “Gomen… I have to go. It hurts too much. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. I can't save you…”

 

Please forgive my love that I've realized is not enough

 

You cup my moist cheeks in your hands, forcing me to look at you. “Yes you can,” you say. Your eyes plead, ripping at my heart.

I try to pull away in protest, but you refuse to let me go. You bring me closer to you. Mere inches apart. “I won't be happy without you.” You tip my chin up with your finger, your eyes holding mine intensely as you stare down deep into them. “I can't live without you…”

You're lips meet mine for one intensely sweet moment, neither of us willing to pull away.

 

I love you,

I'm grateful, just as before

 

I still feel it.

Alive within me.

Ever growing stronger and stronger.

 

I love you,

I wanted to say this to you

 

Maybe one day… I will save you.

Maybe one day… I can tell you… “I love you.”