Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ I LOVE YOU ❯ Lost ( Chapter 14 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "Lost" they are property of The Calling.

As always my deepest thanks to my friend and editor, Smiling Onigiri, for both doing a great editing job, and for spending hours and hours helping to search for perfect songs. Which are really difficult to find. I really would be lost without you.

And thanks to all of you, my kind readers, for sticking with me all the way to chapter 14. It really gives me the incentive I need to continue writing, you are so nice, and it means the world to me.

Oh, and for all you who enjoy yaoi, I simply must recommend a great story for you to check out. The writer's penname is Kyo's Evil Twin, gotta love that, and the story is called, "A Fine Line". Kativa-chan and awintersrose this one I think you will both particularly enjoy. So check it out if you have time. Oh, but it's rated R, so stay away if you are not old enough.

I LOVE YOU

Chapter Fourteen: Lost

*

Well I'm alone and feeling lost
If I could only have it all
Then I'd be all right
Cause I can't see who I really am
Through all the doubt that I'm living in
I don't know again, right before I hit the ground

*

I was cold, so bitterly cold, and lost, wandering inside a black maze. I didn't understand it, why was I here? All I could see and feel was the darkness, the unbearable loneliness, and the cold.

"I don't belong here." I whispered to no one in particular. "I don't like it here and I'd like to go home now."

"You are my light, Yuki. How could I not love you?" Her remembered words flooded my consciousness. Miss Honda... no, she was just Tohru now... was she here? Was she lost within this darkness as well? If she was, I needed to find her. She wasn't like me, used to the pitch black darkness, to this horrible loneliness. I needed to save her. I needed to be her light.

"Tohru," I wanted to call to her, but my lips were so dry and simply refused to move. I need to call to her, to find her, I needed to....

Invisible hands and soft lips were touching me, bringing me warmth. 'It feels so nice,' I decided. Like the time in the shower, like this morning in bed. That was it, I was in bed. I was laying in bed at the beach house, but why was it so agonizingly dark and why was I freezing?

Delicate fingers stroked along my back. Tohru's fingers? The fingers were tracing my scars and then a mouth... yes! Turning, I found her next to me. I couldn't see her, it was still so very dark, but I could feel her warm arms around me. She was holding me, yet I wasn't transforming. Perhaps our love had broken the curse because 'yes,' she was holding me... and then her lips were upon mine. I could taste her soft lips kissing me, kissing me so passionately.

"Tohru," I whispered, so happy to find her there beside me. I was so happy to be safe, to be cared for. "I love you."

Then she was gone and my arms were empty once again.

"Tohru, come back to bed." I begged, searching the darkness. Why had she left? Where had she gone?

"Tohru, please, I don't want to be alone." I called out desperately, thrashing through the darkness, trying to find my way back home, my way back to her.

"Tohru!"

*

Yeah and feeling like I do
Why am I losing you
And I'm feeling lost

*

A bird was singing somewhere nearby. It was such a pretty sound, yet for some reason it terrified me. I opened my eyes slowly and although the room was lit only by a faint flicker of candlelight, I knew immediately where I was. I was in the one place I shouldn't be.

'What in the hell am I doing in Akito's bed?'

I sat up quickly, causing the room to spiral and my empty stomach to lurch, then immediately laid back down. My entire body ached, I was naked, and the room felt seriously cold. What had happened to my clothes? Reaching behind me, I grasped a handful of covers and pulled them tightly over me. That was a little better, but what I really needed to do was get up. I certainly couldn't remain here, naked in Akito's bed, that wouldn't be a very good idea. Where was Akito, anyway?

I sat up again, slower this time, and stared around the room. Yes, these were most certainly Akito's chambers, but how had I gotten here? I was with Tohru and....

My heart twisted, filling my chest with unbearable pain. I remembered now. Tohru had left me at the beach house, and then Shigure had come for me and brought me here. Yes, that was exactly what had happened, but it still didn't explain why I was in Akito's bed or why I was undressed.

"He's coming." I realized and looked to the door as it slid open to reveal a freshly bathed Akito.

"Yuki? You're already awake?" He asked as he entered the room and slid the door closed. "I'm surprised. I hadn't expected you to be up so soon." He added, pushing a mash of wet hair out of his face before moving, slowly, almost painfully, across the room to his wardrobe.

"Akito? You're out of bed?" I asked in astonishment. "How can you... I mean I thought...." This made no sense to me, what was Akito doing out of bed? It was obvious that it pained him to be moving around, but from what I'd been told Akito was too weak to be walking at all. Wasn't Akito dying?

"Yes, Yuki." He said, looking away from me towards the heavily curtained window, to where his pet bird was perched. Was that even the same bird? He turned his head to me, smiling as if he had just recalled something that had almost been forgotten. "Isn't it miraculous? I started feeling much better this week. Like a new man, actually."

"That's good news, Akito." I told him, then remembered my present state, the fact that I was laying naked in his bed. "Um... but whatever am I doing here?"

"You're very sick, Yuki." Akito informed me, pulling open his closet doors and removing a fresh robe. "You have pneumonia, and Shigure brought you to see Hatori. You've been sleeping for a couple days."

"But here! In your... Akito, what in the world am I doing in your bed?"

"Oh..." Akito said and giggled before untying the robe he was wearing and letting it drop to the floor. "I've been helping Hatori care for you. I was very worried about you, don't you see?"

"You gave me your bed? You slept elsewhere? That's why you're up?" I questioned, turning my eyes away to give him privacy while he dressed and putting the puzzle pieces together inside my hazy mind.

"Uh... basically... yes! That's it," Akito agreed. "I was concerned about your comfort so I allowed you to have my bed. I know how much you dislike your own room, after all."

I shivered just thinking about that room. Akito was certainly right about that. I was actually very grateful that I hadn't woken up there instead.

"That was very thoughtful of you, Akito." I told him honestly. As was always the case with Akito, I never really knew what to expect. His moments of kindness were still few and far between, but these tiny glimpses of decency gave me hope. Perhaps it really was possible for a person, even someone as warped as Akito, to change.

"So how are you feeling?" Akito questioned as he walked over and sat at the foot of the bed.

"I suppose I've felt better," I admitted. "Is it possible that I might have something to drink? I'm very thirsty."

"I understand. I'm thirsty myself actually." Akito told me, a big smile forming on his face. Glancing up at him, I shivered and pulled the blanket tighter around me. As was often the case with Akito, his smile didn't actually make its way to his eyes. Eyes that were strangely red rimmed and swollen, I noticed. Had Akito been crying?

I put that thought out of my head. It was impossible, Akito Sohma didn't cry. Reaching over and picking up the telephone receiver, Akito punched one of the many buttons that were set to speed dial various places throughout the main house.

"Would you like anything else, Yuki? Some soup, perhaps? You should probably try to eat something...."

I nodded even though I didn't really feel hungry. As Akito leaned backwards to lie at the foot of the bed, I quickly pulled my legs up to my chest and out of his way. A moment later he frowned and hung up the phone.

"He couldn't have left already." He mumbled, more to himself then to me, before hitting another button and waiting. The familiar look of annoyance slowly surfaced along his face, causing me to feel very nervous. I knew that look, for it was the one he got right before he blew up. I held my breath, worrying, but a moment later his eyes lit up and he smiled.

"Oh, there you are Kureno. I thought you might have already gone." Akito said smoothly into the phone then listened for a moment, his smile fading again. "Packing, I see. Well, Yuki's awake and I'd like you to bring him some breakfast before you leave. Some fresh squeezed juice and miso soup would be good, and we both require some tea."

I was considering asking whether Kureno could bring me something to wear when Akito's eyes darkly clouded over.

"No, Kureno, I don't want someone else to bring it. I would like you to bring it!" Akito said loudly, causing me to bite my lip in my hurry to back away. "Kureno, you have already pissed me off enough for one day. Just do what I tell you." Akito slammed down the phone and I eased myself deeper beneath the covers, wishing I could simply disappear.

"That... that guy!" Akito grumbled before turning to see me cowering beneath the covers and giving me a giant smile. "Excuse me, Yuki. Kureno is apparently too busy for us. I will see to your breakfast myself." Then he stood up and hurried out of the room, leaving me open mouthed and befuddled.

*

There's a dark cloud over me
If I can't shake it off I can't
Make a move to save myself
Thoughts keep spinning through my head
All the times that we never did
What we wanted to

yeah
right before I hit the ground- it's just like a dream

*

While waiting uncomfortably for Akito's return, my thoughts drifted back to Tohru. Picking up Akito's phone, I hurriedly dialed my voice mail. I smiled when I was informed that I had six messages. Unfortunately, five of them turned out to be from Haru, who had hoped to meet up over the weekend. The sixth was Kakeru Manabe, calling because he hadn't seen me in school all week. Tohru hadn't called.

Pushing back the lump of pain in my heart, I dialed her number. As I pretty much expected, the phone rang three times before her answering machine picked up. 'Should I leave another message?' I wondered as I listened to her recorded voice telling me once again that she was not available. 'No,' I decided and hung up the phone. I had already left her around one hundred messages. She obviously didn't want to talk to me. A couple minutes later, I was about to change my mind and call again when the door slammed open and a very irritated Kureno carried in a tray full of food, followed by Akito who, to my relief, appeared to be in a much better disposition.

"Put it right here, on the bedside table." Akito instructed and hurried over to pick up the bucket and a pile of wet cloths that was presently occupying said table. Kureno placed the tray upon the table and took the bucket and cloths that Akito held out to him.

"If that is all, I will be on my way." Kureno informed us.

"Yes, but I would like us to speak for a moment before you leave." Akito told him and reached his hand to Kureno's cheek, only to have it swatted away. My eyes went wide. 'Kureno standing up to Akito? Has that ever happened before?'

"Fine then. Hurry up and go!" Akito reacted. I frowned, and then gawked, as Kureno leaned down, wrapped Akito in his arms, and kissed him very briefly, very directly, on the mouth. Then Kureno stood tall again, flashed me an extremely threatening look, and headed for the door.

"That guy... what is he thinking?" Akito complained as the door slammed shut, and although he was acting angry, he certainly didn't look very upset. On the contrary, his face had grown lightly flushed and his eyes were practically glowing. "Well, never mind. Now that I have you living back at the main house, I don't really need him anyway, do I?"

"What?" I said and literally flew out of the bed, forgetting in my panic both my illness and my nudity. This was bad. This was very bad.

"That's right, you don't know yet. It's been decided, you're going to live at the main house again. Isn't that wonderful?"

"No, Akito." I said crossly. I was aware of the ever constant need to watch what I said around Akito, but at the same time I was so upset that I couldn't actually do so. "It isn't wonderful. Who decided this?"

"Well, I did, of course." Akito calmly informed me. "Shigure has agreed to do some book tour that his manager has been begging him to do for years, so he'll be gone for three months. It's been decided that Kureno should take care of Shigure's house until he gets back, and you shall take Kureno's place as my helper."

I stared at Akito, temporarily too shocked to speak. Somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed the way Akito's eyes seemed to be roaming along my skin, but the rest of my brain was concerned with looking at the bigger picture. Akito wanted me to move back to the main house and take Kureno's place as his 'helper'? This was insanity. Was this my punishment for going to the beach house without permission?

'I need to tell him!' I screamed inside my head. 'I need to speak up. If I don't stand up for myself now, I'll be stuck here at the main house forever. Things will go back to the way they were.'

"What's wrong, Yuki? I thought you'd be thrilled." Akito pouted, then reached out an icy cold hand and placed it on my hip. That did it, having Akito touch me in such an intimate place was just the incentive that I needed. I took two steps back in order to free myself from his clutches before taking a deep breath and telling him how I felt.

"I don't want to live here, Akito. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Kyo and I can care for Shigure's house, and Kureno can continue to work for you."

"Yuki, have you forgotten who you are?" Akito asked quietly. Getting up from the bed he walked towards me. "You are a Sohma, and as a Sohma I expect you to honor my wishes." Reaching behind me, he ran his finger over my back. "I did this, didn't I?"

"Yes." I whispered, and was relieved when his hand dropped away and he stepped back.

"I'm really sorry about that, about hurting you like that." He told me, and I stared at him in amazement. I had expected him to blow up, to knock me across the room or throw something at me. I certainly didn't expect an apology. Akito Sohma didn't apologize. Something wasn't right here. Akito didn't cry, but he obviously had, and he didn't apologize, but he just did.

"Akito..." I whispered and cringed when he took my hand in his and pulled me back towards the bed.

"You still have a fever, Yuki. You need your rest. Get back in bed and we can talk about all this later, when you're feeling better. Here, lay down."

Once I was back under the covers, Akito sat down beside me. Reaching to the table he lifted the bowl of soup and held it to my lips. I took a small sip and smiled as the warm broth coated my empty stomach.

"Is it hot enough?" Akito questioned, and I nodded.

"It's fine Akito, but I do think that I am perfectly capable of feeding myself."

"Yes, of course." He agreed, allowing me to take the bowl from his hands. Turning his attention to the pot of tea, he sat about pouring us each a cup.

"Your little girlfriend, she deserted you, didn't she," he said quietly.

"Tohru?" I sputtered through a mouthful of soup. "How did you hear?...."

"Really Yuki, did you think I wouldn't find out about it? Shigure told me. That dog, you do understand that he really can't be trusted?" Taking the bowl of soup from my shaky hands, Akito smiled. "So Tohru Honda left you. She had sex with you, and then she abandoned you. Left you all alone at the beach house like some pitiful one night stand. Unforgivable."

"She didn't." I denied, even though Akito was speaking the exact truth.

"Of course she did, Yuki. She deserted you, just as your mother deserted you." Akito said quietly, and then took a sip of his tea. "It was heartless of her, leaving you in such a fragile state. Why, if I hadn't sent Shigure to check on you, who knows what would have happened? It is exactly as I have always tried to tell you, Yuki. Women are not to be trusted." Then he grinned happily, picked up a glass of juice, and offered it to me.

"No, Akito. You're wrong. Tohru... she isn't... she would never..." but even to my own ears the words sounded insincere. Inside my chest, my heart fluttered painfully and I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears which were already flowing down my cheeks.

"Oh... you poor thing." Akito practically purred, and I felt his finger tips brushing the wetness from my face. "I understand how bad you must feel. You see, I can sympathize with you. You must be very heart broken. You loved her very much."

"Not loved!" My eyes flew open and I knocked his hand away. "I love her. I still love her. And you, what are you talking about? What do you know about love anyway, Akito? You, of all people."

"You think me incapable of love, Yuki? Is that what you think about me?" Akito whispered and handed me a napkin. "I'm wounded. It just so happens that we are in very similar situations, you and me. In the same boat, if you will."

"What do you mean?" I asked, using the napkin to dab away my tears while trying unsuccessfully to quit crying.

"Well, Yuki, the truth is..." Akito said, his voice falling below a whisper as if someone else, Kureno's bird perhaps, might be listening. "It's very difficult to talk about, to say out loud... but like you, I have lost my lover."

"Your lover?" I wondered curiously, hoping that he wasn't actually talking about me. I knew, after all, the things that the family has said about us. What they have always claimed the rat was born to be.

"Yes, Yuki. My lover! Is that so hard for you to believe? That I could have a lover? Well, yes, I admit it, I have taken a lover. Well, to be honest, I was a virgin until last night. You see, I had wanted to save myself for someone special, but...."

"A VIRGIN? YOU?" I blurted out skeptically. Akito, one of the most perverted people that I knew, had been a virgin until last night?

"Well, yes, but perhaps we shouldn't talk about such intimate things." Akito decided, and put down his cup of tea.

"And just who, exactly, is this lover?" I questioned, having decided that I wanted to hear more of this.

"Kureno, Yuki... Kureno is my lover." Akito said with a smirk, and to my surprise blushed bright red.

"Of course, the kiss." I realized the obvious and felt stupid for asking in the first place. It certainly wasn't surprising that Kureno was Akito's lover. Nor was I surprised to learn that Akito was gay. I suppose I had always known, since Akito had been hitting on me for years.

"Yes, that was so tacky of him, such a public display of affection. I apologize for that. It must have been very uncomfortable for you."

"No, not really." I admitted. "So, then, Kureno is your lover. But, I don't understand. You said that you lost your lover, but Kureno just kissed you goodbye. Was it your decision that he move to Shigure's? And Kureno, when he left, he seemed like... I don't know, like he didn't really want to leave," I contemplated.

"Do you really think so?" Akito asked. "And yes, it was technically my idea that Kureno move out." Akito admitted and turned his face away, but not before I caught the hint of moisture in the corner of his eyes. "You see, Yuki, this morning we had a fight, and I just felt it would be best if we had some... um... space."

"Some space? That sounds like a reasonable idea, but whatever did you fight about?" I asked curiously and reached for my cup of tea. It normally wasn't my nature to pry into other people's business, but all of this was a side of Akito that I had never imagined existed. Additionally, Kureno moving to Shigure's had pretty much stranded me at the main house, so I sort of felt that I had a right to know more.

"You," Akito said sadly and leaned back in the bed.

"What?" I sputtered. "Me?" Akito and Kureno had fought because of me?

"Yes, Yuki. It's so silly, I know, but Kureno is very jealous of you. He was very upset that I had you brought to my room."

"Well, you can't really blame him for that." I blurted out without really thinking and was rewarded by one of Akito's classic glares.

"And, last night, in a moment of jealous passion, Kureno took advantage of me... sexually." Akito continued and looked away in shame.

"WHAT?" I said out of surprise, unsure that I had heard him right. "Are you telling me that Kureno forced you... that he raped you?"

"Well, maybe not exactly rape." Akito whispered and brushed away a single tear from his cheek. This was obviously very difficult for him to talk about. "But I did ask him to stop."

"You asked him to stop, but he didn't stop? Akito, yes, that's rape. Kureno raped you." I said and was surprised to find myself feeling sorry for Akito. That was Tohru's doing, I was certain. She was, after all, the person who had taught me to be compassionate. Tohru believed in giving love and comfort to those in need, unconditionally. "It is inexcusable, Akito. Rape is the lowest of all crimes."

"Don't blame Kureno, Yuki." Akito said quietly and leaned closer to me. "He didn't do it to hurt me. He did it out of love. I think that sometimes people in love do stupid things."

"But rape.... You think that being in love is an exc..." I was stopped in mid-sentence when Akito placed his hand over my mouth.

"Yes Yuki, even rape. Now, do you mind if change the subject?" Akito asked and laid his head upon my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Akito. You're right. It must be very difficult for you to speak of." I decided, and put a comforting arm around his shoulders.

"I'm very tired now, Yuki. I didn't sleep well last night. I think I would like to take a nap, and you should rest some more, too."

"Yes, of course." I agreed. "I'll go to my room."

"No, no. Don't be silly, Yuki. You can stay here with me. If you don't mind, that is. The truth is that I don't really want to be alone." Akito said sorrowfully and cuddled closer into my arms.

"Um...." I debated, not wholly at ease with the situation but at the same time finding something strangely soothing about prospect of having someone - anyone - in my arms. Like Akito, I was desperately nursing a broken heart. Since it was obvious that I was no longer the object of Akito's affections, I didn't see anything wrong with attempting to be his friend. At the moment Akito needed someone to comfort him, to help him deal with his pain, and I suppose that I needed someone as well.... 'What possible harm could come from it?' I reasoned as I closed my eyes and pulled him nearer still.

*

The Distance grows I'm sinking down
What I've lost and can't be found
Although I've tried, can't find my way
Nothing's falling into place
I'm feeling lost...

Yeah and feeling like I do
Why am I losing you
And I'm feeling lost

*

Poor sweet little Yuki-kun … Falling right into Akito's evil trap … So very sad … See you in Chapter 15.

YTR