Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ I LOVE YOU ❯ Hang On ( Chapter 12 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki. Nor do I own the lyrics to "Hang On" they are property of Seether

Thanks to my editor, Smiling Onigiri, she put a lot of work into this chapter, and I am grateful to her.

I want to dedicate this chapter to Sandy, she wrote me one of the nicest e-mails I have ever received and really pushed me to get this chapter finished and posted.

Well, and we also have to consider Kage Tsuki's little demon chibi's. Please call them off; I need my brain for work. Wow, actually, maybe I didn't even write this chapter, maybe it was the demon chibi's that wrote it. Scary thought.

And a big hug and some kisses to the rest of you for reading this far into the story, and for forgiving my ever-growing fascination with yaoi.

I LOVE YOU

Chapter Twelve: Hang On

"Kyo?" I called out before knocking lightly on his bedroom door. "I'm home, can I come in?"

There was no answer. I knocked again, a little bit harder this time.

"Kyo, are you still pouting about Yuki inviting Tohru away for the weekend?" I teased wickedly through the closed door and waited patiently for the explosion. I knew full well how much Kyo hated it when I picked open this particular old wound, but sometimes I couldn't control myself. Obtuse comments tend to slip out, unedited, at the worst possible moment. Perhaps it's the dog in me, or at least I like to think so. Being tired, as I was today, only made me that much worse.

I smiled as I remembered Tohru's cheerful advice. `Don't pick on Kyo, Shigure. I know we're not getting along these days, but you shouldn't blame it all on him. He's having a hard time with Kazuma's disappearance. We all need to do our best to help him get through this.' She was correct. This year had been a difficult one for Kyo, and although my little orange haired roommate had done a marvelous job at keeping his true feelings to himself - or should I say, turning those feelings inward and shutting everyone who cared out - the reality was that Kyo was depressed. Over the past year Kyo had lost both his father and his friendship with Tohru Honda, a girl that he was clearly head over heels in love with, but for some unknown reason decided to shut out.

"Take care of him for me, Shigure. He isn't going to understand, and Akito has forbidden me from explaining. My son will need a friend. Be his friend, Shigure." Kazuma had asked of me before leaving the family forever.

Kazuma had been exiled, Sohma fashion, for crimes committed against Akito. Last summer, in an attempt to save Kyo from being locked up for the rest of his life, Kazuma had done the unthinkable. He had endeavored to go against Akito. Kazuma Sohma had attempted, quite unsuccessfully, to break the Sohma curse. His punishment for this atrocity was to be sent away, without explanation and without goodbyes. Since Hatori, Kureno, and I were Akito's henchmen in this matter, I was one of the last people that Kazuma spoke with before his memory of ever being a Sohma was completely erased.

I suppose Akito was being lenient in his retribution. Kazuma was banished, but for some unfathomed reason Kyo was never locked away. Although I pride myself on knowing everything that goes on with our family, Kyo's salvation was one of the great Sohma mysteries. Who or what had saved Kyo from being locked up right after high school? Had Kazuma, or perhaps Kyo, made a deal with the devil? Perhaps it was Akito himself, with some sick ulterior motive for allowing Kyo to roam free. That explanation was the one that made the most sense, that best fit Akito's nature, so it was the one I accepted as fact.

*

Oh Now, I Found Myself
Wish I was someone else
My Hands are stained with love
Wish I could take it away

I hide behind the shell
In Time, the pain will melt
My heart is stained with love
wish I could fake it

I gave my life away
There's nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

*

I knocked on Kyo's door even harder. "Kyo, don't take everything so seriously."

After a few minutes I decided that the cat was never going to answer, sometimes he was just too damn stubborn for his own good. I pushed the door open and peered inside Kyo's room to find it empty. `He's not home?' It was 5am and the cat rarely woke up before seven, had he stayed out all night? I had just arrived home myself - Akito hated it when his lovers snuck off in the middle of the night - but Kyo had long ago stopped his midnight dalliances with Kagura, so where he heck was he? Off training in the mountains again?

"Well, that's a shame." I said to myself before heading down the hall to my own room. Since Akito was worried that I would betray him, I had been forbidden from saying goodbye to Yuki and Aya, but I had hoped I would at least get the chance to tell Kyo I would be gone for a while.

"Hatori will explain your departure to the family." Akito had informed me, pulling himself out of his bed to stand before me. I eyed him cautiously, for it was my understanding that Akito was not well enough to leave his bed. Apparently the head of the family was up to his usual games, only this time he had decided to let me watch from the sidelines. "I am the only person you need say goodbye to, Shigure," he said to me and undid the tie on his robe. It dropped to puddle at his feet in an open invitation that I would not be allowed to turn down.

"And what of Kyo?" I asked, as I obediently dropped to my knees and reached out my hands to touch him in the manner he liked best. "What will I tell him?"

"Tell him the truth. You're going out of town on business for a few months." Akito told me and smiled. The cruelty that was hidden within his smile, and the obvious warning, sent chills down my spine. "What's the matter, Shigure? You're shivering." Akito whispered, placing his hand lovingly on the top of my head. "Come now, don't worry, I'll keep you warm tonight."

*

My selfish enemy
Still has the best of me
Empty and feeling numb
Wish I could take it away

I can't control the need
Too weak to not concede
Wish I was deaf and dumb
Wish I could fake it

I gave my life away
There's nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

*

`Perhaps it's better this way', I decided as I hunted in the back of my closet for a suitcase. As much as I was afraid of flying, a trip would surely be the best thing for me. To tell the truth, recently I was finding it harder and harder to keep Akito's numerous secrets. I knew more than any Sohma should be allowed to know, and my true loyalties had always been rather unclear, even to myself.

As I found and opened my rarely used suitcase, I thought about Yuki... and about Aya. Although Ayame had long ago forgiven me for breaking his heart, there was one thing he still refused to forgive: my affair with Akito.

"How could you, Gure? Tell me it's not true!" Aya was crying that day, when he confronted me outside the main house. "With the head of the family? He's just a child! You truly are a pervert, just as everyone says. I won't speak to you, Shigure, not ever again."

Of course, since it was Aya, he did continue to speak to me, in fact he spoke to me rather often and quite angrily, and even within earshot of Akito. Eventually, because I feared for Ayame's safety and because I knew that Akito was listening in the other room, I did the only thing that made sense at the time. I lied.

"Aya, you really need to stop this at once!" I said coldly and stared at my feet to avoid looking him in the eye. "Since you insist on knowing the truth, fine, I'll tell you. I was never in love with you, not truly. Our relationship was an error that I made. The one that I love, the one that I have always loved, is Akito. I'm sorry if you can't handle it, and I hope we can still be friends, but this is how I really feel. Now, I would like it very much if you would leave."

Aya left and three months later, Akito turned me out. Having gotten what he wanted, Akito was done with me, so he bought me a house and sent me away. Although I was happy for my freedom, it wasn't complete. I had lost Aya and Akito as well.

As much as I told myself that I hated the head of the family, that wasn't the whole story. A part of me - a dark, depraved part - enjoyed having sex with Akito, so much so that I continued to whenever the occasion allowed. It was a source of shame for me, I despised myself for it. To make matters worse, I was also somewhat jealous of Yuki. When I allowed Yuki to move into my home, I had an agenda. I told myself I was doing it to save Yuki from Akito, to keep him from becoming Akito's next lover. My real reason, however, wasn't nearly as chivalrous. In reality, I was trying to save Akito from Yuki. I wanted Akito for myself and I wanted to be Akito's only lover.

Of course it didn't actually turn out that way. Instead of taking me back, Akito turned his attentions to Kureno. It became obvious to me then, I would never be the one for Akito. At least I had succeeded in helping Yuki, and over time I came to understand how important that really was. I grew to care deeply for Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru. We became our own little family, one that I wanted to protect.

*

I can't pretend were the same
I can't pretend were the same
I can't pretend were the same

And Now, I Find Myself
Wish I was someone else
My Hands are stained with love
Wish I could Fake

*

A few months ago I noticed a change in Yuki's attitude towards Akito and it troubled me. Yuki had always feared Akito, and Akito in turn pretended to despise Yuki. Shortly after Tohru moved out, Akito took to his bed. That was when Akito began calling the house regularly to chat with Yuki. At first, Yuki did exactly what anyone would expect him to, he simply avoided the phone. That was, however, a mistake. Akito called back, repeatedly, throughout the day until Yuki finally gave in and took the call. After about a month of these `regular' phone calls, Akito started requesting that Yuki come for a visit. One visit lead to another and before I knew it Yuki was visiting Akito, in his bedchamber, on a biweekly basis. Since I, of course, had first hand knowledge about the types of things that went on in Akito's bedchamber, it was cause for alarm. What was even more alarming, however, was that Yuki didn't really seem to mind. In fact, the two of them seemed to be getting along.

"Yuki, Akito hasn't tried anything… disrespectful with you, has he?" I asked Yuki one evening before he left for the main house.

"What do you mean, Shigure?" Yuki had asked with a curious edge to his voice.

"Nothing, really. I was just wondering what it is that the two of you do during your visits." I replied nonchalantly, but I couldn't help but notice the way that Yuki's cheeks quickly grew scarlet and the way he avoided looking me in the eye.

`Enough of this beating around the bush,' I needed to know. "Yuki! Akito hasn't tried anything with you, has he? He hasn't forced himself on you sexually?"

"WHAT?" Yuki sputtered, and looked at me as if I had totally lost my mind. "Of course not! I read to him, Akito makes me read books. Really, Shigure, that mind of yours is always in the gutter, isn't it? Akito's a pervert, but he's not exactly a rapist."

"No, no, of course not." I said, and tried to wave the subject away.

"Well, actually, Shigure... Akito does have some pretty sick tastes. What the hell is it with him and vampires anyway? I must admit that I really do hate his reading choices, but besides that, things between us lately aren't so bad." Yuki explained and then added, "Perhaps it's because he's so ill, but he's actually behaving rather pleasant towards me."

"Pleasant?" I wondered, the worry once again floating to the front if my mind. A pleasant Akito was a dangerous Akito. You didn't have to be a pervert to know that.

"Well, it's not like he doesn't lose his temper, and I still hate spending any time with him at all, to be honest." Yuki admitted, and I nodded my understanding.

"Just be careful, Yuki." I warned and decided to leave it at that, although my fears were far from being laid to rest.

As I packed my suitcase I understood that my assumptions about Akito's true motives had been correct. Akito wasn't dying, not in the near future anyway. There was no way in hell that someone who was actually on his deathbed could make love to me the way Akito had last night. No, it wasn't possible.

For as long as I could remember, Akito had been obsessed with Yuki. Yuki was the one person who had always managed to elude the head of the family, the one he could never entirely possess. So in order to get close to Yuki, Akito had been faking sick. I should have recognized it earlier, although it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Akito intended on having Yuki, and Akito always got his way.

As much as I wanted to stop Akito, I was no longer in a position to be able to. I could not interfere, not unless I wanted to end up like Kazuma. The only person capable of saving Yuki from Akito, was Yuki. In other words, he was doomed.

*

I gave my life away
There's nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way
I gave my life away
There's nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

*

End of chapter, another on it's way soon.

Please review and let me know what you think, and thanks for reading.

YTR