Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Incomplete ❯ The Bastard Child ( Chapter 6 )

“Uwaa…it's so hot…” complained Koutsu. He put his hand to his face and lay down on the floor. Tohru had gotten used to his lying on the floor but she always made sure he was alright. She had proposed that they bought an electric fan for him-they did, but Senji stole it a few days after purchase. Tohru heard Koutsu moan gently and he rolled over onto his back. She smiled at him, but he didn't return it, only stared back at her.

 

“Tohru-chan…why are you still here? Don't you want to go home or something?” he asked softly. Tohru blinked at him and her face broke into a wide smile.

 

“Koutsu-san! When did you start calling me `Tohru-chan'?” Koutsu stared at her for a moment before realising what he had said. His already inflamed cheeks became a little redder.

 

“Uh…I dunno. Just…seems natural now…ne?” he said with a somewhat frightened look on his face. Tohru just laughed and knelt down beside him, resting her hand on his shoulder.

 

“Hai, I'll go and make you some soup okay?” she said with a smile. Koutsu tried to conceal a small smile by turning away from her. When she had left the room, he crawled over to his bed and sat facing the window, staring out at the cherry blossom tree by his window, it was perfectly still. He sighed and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

Tohru was about to walk into the kitchen when she heard the doorbell ring. She turned around and walked to the door, unsure whether to open it or not. It wasn't her house after all. But the only person in the house besides her was Koutsu. She was shocked out of her thoughts as the doorbell went again. Sliding the door open slowly, she smiled as she was greeted by an attractive young man.

 

“Hello. Is Kurokin-san around?”

 

“Ah no! But he should be back soon, please come in.” he nodded to her and smiled, walking into the living area and turning to meet her.

 

“I'm sorry, I'm being very rude. My name is Ousako Hitsuki.” He said bowing gently. Tohru returned the bow and also introduced herself. She then hurried to the kitchen to make Koutsu food. Ousako walked out of the living area and into the hall, glancing to the room at the bottom, Koutsu's room. A small smile graced his thin lips as he walked towards the room slowly. Koutsu was facing the opposite way of him; he walked into the room and stopped in the centre, looming over him. Koutsu shivered and looked up to find crystal green eyes striking him with venom. He couldn't take his eyes from him, trying with all his might to out stare him. But he lost the battle and looked down. Ousako smiled deviously and placed his hand on the back of Koutsu's head.

 

“You know you never win…why do you even try?”

 

“Sako-san…why are you here?” he asked, not raising his head. Ousako knelt down in front of him and lifted his head harshly by the jaw.

 

“Koutsu-chan, you know you always look at me when you talk, you know that.” He said, his fingers tightening on his jaw. Another smiled crawled across his face.

 

“I could break you if I wanted.” He said, once again tightening his grip. “Again.” Koutsu's bottom lip started to tremble, those eyes, he knew them too well, knew what just his `eyes' could do to his fragile mind.

 

“But…I won't. You'll just scream like a woman and that girl will come in.” he turned to look at the door, into the hall. “You like that girl don't you?” Koutsu choked slightly, he didn't want Tohru to get involved.

 

“Ah, so you do. Pretty girl, probably around your age or younger. You'd make a nice couple I think.” He said. He still wasn't looking at Koutsu, but he could feel those cold, bony fingers tightening on every word. Ousako turned back to look at him.

 

“But…she doesn't know what you're really like does she? She doesn't know what you're hiding from her. Bastard child.” Koutsu gulped, his eyes widening as he brought his face closer.

 

“Had you forgotten? Has time with that girl made you forget?” he leaned closer so that his mouth was adjacent Koutsu's ear. “Don't worry, I wont allow you to forget.” He said, and then turned his face to gently brush his lips against his cheek. Koutsu's body shook violently; tremor after tremor racked his frame. His breathing had become rapid, frightened. Ousako smiled, removing his hand from his jaw and letting the fingers trace his face, his thin face. He pulled back to look at Koutsu's face, he looked beyond the terror.

 

“Koutsu-chan, you're very thin. I remember the last time I came you were considerably” he dragged his fingers down the gaunt cheek “rounder.” Koutsu gulped, he couldn't breathe, he felt sick, and his whole body repelled the being in front of him. Ousako leaned forward again, changing his position so that one hand still caressed his face, while another moved downwards slowly, tracing down his chest.

 

“Koutsu-chan, stop shaking. We've been through this many times before.” Koutsu had closed his eyes, remembering the torments he had gone through, remembering that `this' was how it always had begun. A small squeak escaped his mouth as he felt Ousako's breaths on his lips. He jerked forward as Ousako's stray hand reached its destination, squirming. Ousako curled his fingers tightly around his jaw, digging his nails in. He stopped squirming, letting his body go limp. He knew what was coming, he accepted it.

 

“U-um…Koutsu….” Koutsu's eyes snapped open as he heard Tohru's sweet voice, it sounded somewhat distant. He saw Ousako turn and stand quickly, brushing himself down. He gave Tohru an icy smile and inquired what the matter was. She simply told him that Kurokin had come home and was in the living area. He passed her with grace, leaving Koutsu shaking and traumatised.

 

“Koutsu-san? Are you-” she didn't get to finish as she felt Koutsu's form brush her left hand side as he ran. She turned, not saying a word, only saddening and tightening her grip on the small tray with soup and a glass of milk.

Koutsu ran, frightened and confused, not sure where he was running to. Memories flooding in from all regions clogged his thinking patterns. He stopped as he reached a small out-building. He climbed up onto the empty windowsill and curled up, hugging his knees into his chest, panting, trying to recover from the running and also the abuse. He closed his eyes.

 

`How…did I allow this to happen? How could I have…been so naïve? I knew that he would come back, I knew it would happen again…and keep happening as long as I live. So…why did I let my guard down?'

 

`My brother, he…he's right about me. I'm selfish, I only think of myself and my own happiness.'

 

“Brother? Brother…why doesn't mama hug me? Why doesn't she kiss me like you and Uwaro-chan?” I had asked him, looking up at my brother honestly.

 

“It's because you're evil.” He replied bitterly. “You're a sin, that's why.”

 

“A…sin?”

 

“It's the worst thing in the world, and it's all you are. You're evil, you deserve only to die.”

 

`I didn't…understand then, what he meant…why everyone in my close family hated me. I wasn't like my brothers, they had the same father, and I didn't. I didn't have a father when I was born, not until I was 5 or 6 anyway. My brother hated me, even more so than my mother I think.'

 

“Go away child! Oh please, please! I'm begging you…just…just die. Die for mama!” she had screamed, shaking me by the shoulders.

 

`She had then broken down, burst into tears. I didn't understand why my mother hated me so, why they all hated me. But I was soon told.'

 

“Brother…why…why do you hate me?” I asked, wiping the blood from my lip. My brother had punched me.

 

“Why do I hate you? Don't you know? I'm sure I've told you before. You're evil, you're a sin.”

 

“You keep saying, but I don't understand!” I shouted.

 

“…then let me explain to you. You, are a Bastard.” He had said, with a coolness that makes me shiver even now.

 

“Brother! That's bad! It's bad to swear!”

 

“I'm not, that's what the word was originally meant for. It's to describe a child that has no father. You're a bastard.” I remember that he turned away, turning back with a frightening glare.

 

“You're an evil sin! Just like your father!”

 

`Just like…my father. I had never met my father, so how did my brother know him? How did he know him and not me?'

 

“Brother…I am…a bastard?”

 

“Hai, that's right.”

 

“I have no father?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“But then…why does that make me evil? What have I done that…makes me a sin?”

 

“That's very simple, bastard child. You're alive.”

 

`I was a sin because I was living; my entire existence was evil and cursed. That was what he was telling me. I was scared; I didn't know what to do. At one time, I thought that if I didn't live, then I wouldn't be a sin, and then everyone would forgive me.'

 

“If I died” I had started, staring down at the gravel path leading out of our back door, “If I died, would I be forgiven?”

 

“Hpmh…stupid bastard child, of course not. Because you're alive, you're sinning, even when you're being good. If you died you would just go straight to hell. It would make everyone happy if you died, but you wouldn't be forgiven. You were born evil, you'll die and you'll go to hell, where you belong.”

 

`I believed him that it didn't matter what I did in life, I would go to hell. So I rebelled, I wouldn't eat, I would swear, I'd be violent towards other children. If I was going to die and go to hell, I didn't want anyone to go down with me. Then, after 5 long years of torment, my brother finally told me, the root to his deep hatred of me.'

 

“Do you…wish to know why I do this to you?” he had asked, looming over me getting dressed.

 

“Ha…ha…” it was…so painful.

 

“I'm punishing you, the way that you're father should be.”

 

“My…f-father?”

 

“Hai. I suppose no one ever told you `why' you were born with no father. It's because he raped mother.”

 

`It tore through me like a scythe, the pain I was feeling, was probably what I my mother had felt, to feel invaded an frightened, with each movement of his body, to be torn inside and out. In her heart, in her mind.'

 

“R…rape…” I had stuttered.

 

“That's right. You're father raped our mother, and as you get older, you look more and more like him. You make her physically sick, I hope you know. You look exactly like him. You're a sin, because you're alive, you were a mistake. You weren't made with love; you were made with lust, with pain, with suffering. When mother found out she was pregnant with you, she vomited. She tried to rid herself of your father's evilness; she went to a doctor to get an abortion. But your father had been so brutal; she couldn't have it because she was too weak, too frail. You were a disease, our mother tried to cure herself from you. She took drugs, and things she wasn't supposed to take so that you would die inside her. But you didn't, and you still make her suffer.” I had watched him, trembling, almost being sick myself.

 

“I…I really am evil! I don't deserve to live!”

 

“No, you can't end your life. You need to suffer for as long as you can, before you go to hell and burn.”

 

`I was only 12 years old, only half understanding all that I was hearing, only half believing. I made my way to my cousin's house, kneeling on the doorstep in the rain, begging to be accepted. I couldn't stay with my mother, not after I had done to her. I accepted my punishment from my brother, letting him abuse me because it helped my pain, distracted me from my self-loathing. It was only when I hit 17 that I started to refuse him, started to forgive myself. My mother was happy; she had completely forgotten about me, she didn't recognise me as her son anymore. It was a relief for me as well. I figured that if she had forgotten, it also meant that she had forgiven, so I told my brother to stop. He wouldn't though, he said that he hadn't forgiven me and I still needed to suffer. It had been…the first time in almost 2 years that I had seen him, and he still referred to me as “Bastard child”.

Koutsu had finally stopped shaking, letting his tears flow freely. He felt ashamed of himself, once again he felt like he was worthless, that he didn't deserve to live.

 

“Koutsu-san!” Koutsu looked up to find Tohru standing a few feet away from him. Tohru had stopped because he had looked up, the look on his face causing her much pain.

 

“Koutsu-san…” she whispered, walking towards him slowly. She was going to wrap her arms around him, but his eyes narrowed and he rolled backwards off the windowsill into the outhouse. She heard his footsteps for awhile and then they faded. She figured that he had run upstairs. She climbed up onto the windowsill and eased herself onto the floor on the other side, looking around her she found that this place was filthy, unattended to. It was dark and damp. She gulped and called softly on Koutsu as she made her way up the stairs. The steps were wooden and she nearly fell through one. Recovering quickly she ran the rest of the way up, finding herself in a slightly cleaner room, she looked around herself until she found Koutsu's fragile form curled up in the top-left corner.

 

“Koutsu-san, it's alright. Don't worry.” She said softly as she walked towards him. But as she got close enough to touch, he lashed out, accidentally causing her to topple. Desperate not to fall, she instinctively grabbed onto Koutsu's hand. She hadn't known it was his left. When his body had finished morphing, she saw a small mammal run rapidly past her, it's nails making scraping noises on the floor as it scuttled away.

 

“Kou…Koutsu-san! Come back!”