Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Jaded ❯ One-Shot

Years after the fact, Shigure was still quietly pleased that he had been the one who named Rin. He was almost positive that she didn't remember it had been him who picked her up when she was only a toddler and swung her around, playing with her name as she shrieked with delight. "Isuzu-chan," he'd chanted as they turned. "Isuzu, little bell, ring." When he got dizzy enough he'd fallen down, her slight child-weight curled trustingly against him. "Rin-chan. Do you think that's a pretty name?"

"Pretty," she'd mumbled back, falling asleep. And he had kept it.

Ayame picked the name up from him. Hatori refused, but then, Hatori refused to nickname anyone. And Shigure made sure that all of the Jyuunishi born after her used it, until she responded to it as readily as to her real name.

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"Jaded"

a Fruits Basket fanfic by Ysabet MacFarlane <ba087@chebucto.ns.ca>

Original release date: April 15, 2004

The following story contains spoilers for chapter 78, and takes place sometime during vol. 13 of the Fruits Basket manga.

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god i want to get you out of here . . .
when i think of what we've done to you

growing up isn't always fun
they tore your dress and stole your ribbons
they see you cry, they lick their lips
but butterflies don't belong in nets

-- Tori Amos, "Mary" (Crucify single / Tales From A Librarian)

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PRESENT

********

The last time he visited Rin in the hospital, shortly before her discharge, she was sleeping and he didn't wake her. The nurse who let him in looked irritable when she opened the door.

"I'm afraid she's asleep, Sohma-san," she said, gesturing toward the bed. "Up all night again, I think."

"Then you should keep your voice down," Shigure replied, smiling coolly at her. "I'm sure your files indicate that she has trouble getting to sleep."

The nurse sighed. "She doesn't even try to sleep at night; she walks the halls at all hours, refuses to eat half of what we bring her--"

Coolness became ice. "That will do," Shigure murmured, smoothly interrupting her disgruntled litany. "Thank you." The nurse closed her mouth, bowed with a belated attempt at professionalism, and left the room.

Shigure closed the door behind him and let his eyes adjust to the dimness. All of the curtains were tightly drawn, but Rin was still curled up with her face turned away from the windows. He entered and sat on the chair beside the bed, watching the slow rise and fall of her sides and taking the opportunity to examine her. Two months in the hospital had taken their toll. He could make out the dark shadows under her eyes, and her cheeks and wrist bones were disturbingly sharp. Asleep, she didn't radiate the intensity that usually made her seem larger than she was; instead, she looked almost too fragile to be alive.

He sat and watched her for almost an hour, quelling the urge to stroke her hair reassuringly when she whimpered once, her hands clenching violently on empty air. Nothing would wake her faster than an unfamiliar touch, and he preferred her not knowing how worried he had been since she'd been injured. He waited until she settled again, and then silently stood and let himself out.

The same nurse was seated behind the floor's desk, and as he approached she quickly hung up the phone. The little he caught of the conversation told him it wasn't a professional call. "How is she now?" she asked, standing a bit too quickly.

"Still asleep," Shigure replied. He smiled kindly at her, glancing back and forth between her face and the phone. "I'm very pleased to see that she is being given such attentive care. Ha-san--ah, excuse me, I suppose I should say `Doctor Sohma'--will be glad to hear that you're being so careful with her."

She flushed. "Of course, sir."

"Of course," Shigure echoed. "I assure you, our family appreciates the hospital's cooperation with his request that we should be able to stop in and see her at any time." He let his voice drop slightly. "We're all very worried about her, and so relieved that Hatori's connections here are still so good; it's such a relief to know that we can see for ourselves that she's being treated well, any time we like . . . Well, I'm sure you understand what it's like." He sighed and smiled again, taking a good look at her identification. "Thank you, Nurse . . . Ichihara, is it?" He bowed slightly, pretending not to see her worried expression. "Good day to you, then." One last smile in the direction of Rin's room, and then he turned and walked out.

********

PAST

********

The first time he passed her mother in the compound, after Rin had been sent away, he grabbed her arm suddenly. He was only twenty one and hadn't quite mastered subtlety yet. She stared down at his hand where it was clamped on her wrist. "How can I help you, Shigure-san?"

"Do you think names have power?" he asked, not looking at her.

She was taken aback, but he tightened his grip when she didn't reply at once. Rin had never said anything against her parents, but he remembered when the light had gone out of her eyes, when she had started moving with the caution of chronic pain. And Hatori, who had quietly gotten himself assigned to her case at the hospital--as quietly as a medical prodigy could when every eye was on him--had taken him aside, locked the door, and showed him Rin's file. Eleven years old, and every inch of her torso covered in bruises, her face and limbs carefully left unmarked. Several ribs had been broken at different times and left to heal on their own; when Hatori pointed it out, he could see the uneven ridges on her ribcage. The precision of it all had made him retch.

"Do you?" he asked again, wondering how hard he would have to squeeze to break the bones he could feel pressing into his palm. But he had acquired enough subtlety to restrain himself.

"I suppose so," she said after a long moment.

"I do too," he said, smiling, still not looking at her. "I named your daughter. Did you know?"

She went very still under his hand, and after a moment he let her go and walked away.

********

PRESENT

********

Only a lifetime of training himself not to visibly react to the unexpected kept him still. He wondered if she felt his pulse jump under her fingers. *You can use me however you please for the rest of my life.* Rin looked at him silently, her words hanging between them as she waited for an answer. The emptiness in her eyes was what convinced him that she meant exactly what she had said.

*She knows what she's offering.* Unbidden, his mind immediately began considering how to twist the situation further to his advantage. Their old closeness made it painfully easy to see how to manipulate her--far easier than stopping the seductive train of thought once it began.

*If I don't tell her right away that I don't know--if I dismiss her so that she thinks I don't believe she'll go through with it, she'll get defensive and feel like she has to prove it to me. Or I could just tell her that she has to show me first.* He swallowed slightly, looking at her. Despite her provocative choices in clothing, he still thought of her as a child. But her body wasn't a child's, and her eyes hadn't been innocent for years. *It's not like I'd be raping her,* a corner of his mind whispered, latching onto her words with a ravenous hunger that he hadn't known was lurking inside him. *Or taking her virginity. And she's _offering_ . . . * He couldn't quite imagine what it would be like. Sex was one thing--he had done that in high school himself, ever so carefully--but to _hold_ her, anyone, while doing it, to feel warm skin all against his body before and during and after, even just once . . . even if she hated him later, for taking what she offered without having what she wanted in exchange . . .

He ran his fingers through a few stray strands of her hair, and stared back into that numb gaze. He had no idea what he was going to say until he started talking. "You're desperate, aren't you?" Something cracked behind her eyes. "You're doing this for Hatsuharu's sake." Her hair slid out of his grasp, as insubstantial as gossamer. *If I could tell her what she wants to know, would I even be hesitating to take her?* The hunger turned to nausea while he made himself smile at her, and for a moment he imagined he could see his own darkness crossing from his skin to hers, contaminating the purity of the love that had brought her to this. *It would ruin her, and she'd be _happy_, if it meant Ha-kun was free.* He pulled away from her touch, still smiling, and understood something about her that he hadn't before. *She's gone beyond hating herself. She believes that she's worthless, that her body is the only thing that's of any use.* For the first time since she had started dressing in her openly sexual way, he had the urge to send her home to cover herself, or to simply hug her as he'd been able to when she was a child and the shadow of the curse hadn't fallen between them.

"It's too bad," he said instead, keeping his tone light. "I don't know how to break the curse either." Real emotion flashed in her eyes for the first time since he'd let her in, and despite everything, he found himself wanting her as she came to life. *Don't trust me for a minute, little girl.* He barely kept the words from falling out of his mouth.

********

PAST

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He heard Rin's voice as soon as he reached the front door of Kazuma's house. The words were unintelligible, but he grinned at the note of outrage in her defiant yell. He knocked on the door and waited for Kunimitsu to let him in.

When the door slid open he was surprised to find himself face to face with Kazuma, whose bemused smile suggested that he was in slightly over his head. "Come in, Shigure-kun."

Kyo came scampering down the hall as Shigure took his shoes off. "Master, Rin's fighting with Kunimitsu!" He skidded to a halt and shot Shigure a dubious glance.

"I can hear that," Kazuma said calmly. But as he spoke the rising shriek of youthful feminine exasperation cut off abruptly, followed the sound of quick footsteps heading up the stairs.

A moment later Kunimitsu appeared, looking worried. "Kazuma-san--"

"What was she upset about?" Kazuma asked.

"Well--" Kunimitsu hesitated. "I'm not quite sure. She's been so quiet ever since she got here, always stopping herself from saying anything . . . I tried to get a response out of her."

"Sounds like it worked," Shigure said.

Kunimitsu shook his head slowly. "I don't know what happened. I'm sure she knew I was only teasing her, and when she started hollering she didn't look really upset. Then she just stopped dead--turned white as a sheet and ran away."

"She's upstairs?" Kazuma turned to Kyo. "Go find her. Make sure she's all right." Kyo nodded but didn't move. "I suspect she's holed up somewhere. You're about the same size as she is, and you know where all the hiding places are. Be gentle if you have to go in after her." Kyo nodded again, and this time he turned and headed for the stairs.

Shigure raised his eyebrows curiously. "Sending the Cat after a Jyuunishi?"

"They don't mind each other," Kazuma replied. "Isuzu's pulled so far into herself that I don't think she usually remembers that he's supposed to be different from her. And Kyo . . . I think it's good for him to understand that he's not the only one being hurt by the curse." He smiled fondly. "He found her crying in the kitchen the other day and sat with her for a while."

"Did either of them know you knew?"

"Of course not."

The three men stood in silence, listening for sounds from upstairs, but there was nothing.

Shigure looked closely at Kazuma and sighed. "You're not going to keep her here, are you?"

Reluctantly, Kazuma shook his head. "Not if there's another safe place for her."

"Kagura's mother has offered to take her."

"Then she should go there." There was sincere regret in Kazuma's eyes. "She's a daunting child, Shigure-kun, but if she's treated well from now on she'll grow into a fascinating woman. I've become quite fond of her. But Kyo needs all of my attention, and I don't think it would be fair to either of them to keep her here."

"And . . ?" Shigure prompted when Kazuma fell silent.

"She's a female Jyuunishi, and there are only males here," Kazuma continued softly. "If she's injured or upset, I can't hug her easily. She seems content not to be touched, but she should be somewhere where she can seek contact if she wants it."

"Kyo-kun can--"

"Kyo is doing his best to help her, but they're children. Even if he were emotionally stable, she couldn't take the right kind of strength from him. And he would probably come to resent her if she stayed permanently."

Shigure nodded, then noticed the worried way Kunimitsu was staring at the ceiling.

Kazuma followed his gaze and smiled. "She'll be fine, I imagine. Why don't you make something sweet for them to drink when they come back downstairs?" Kunimitsu nodded and went into the kitchen. "He'll worry himself sick over upsetting her, if he doesn't have something to do," Kazuma murmured to Shigure. Then he too looked at the ceiling. "She's an endearing little thing, isn't she?" he asked softly. "All sharp edges, but that lost look in her eyes . . . I hope she'll understand why she can't stay here. I don't want to make things worse for her."

"Has Ha-san been checking her over?"

"He came by yesterday and examined her, but most of the real damage was on its way to being healed before she was discharged." Kazuma pointedly didn't look at Shigure. "I suspect he really came to remind her that the other Jyuunishi haven't forgotten about her."

"He's always been overly-emotional like that," Shigure replied blandly.

Kazuma's mouth twitched, but he suppressed the smile. "I'm sure you yourself have a very different reason for coming by."

"Of course." Then Shigure frowned. "They're being too quiet. Should we go check on them?"

"Perhaps so." Kazuma led the way up the stairs, glancing into the rooms that opened off the upper hallway. "Kyo? Isuzu-chan?"

"Master?" Kyo's voice floated out of the last room, and he sounded . . . afraid. Shigure's heart missed a beat. His younger cousin was more prone to blustering than concern. He and Kazuma hurried into the room and found Kyo lying on the floor, staring under the bed. "She won't come out, Master."

Kazuma knelt and looked for himself. "Isuzu, are you all right in there?" Silence. He reached toward her, and there was a soft thump against the wall. Kazuma froze so completely that Shigure guessed Rin had shoved herself into the wall to evade him. After a moment he rolled back to his feet. "Shigure-kun, if it won't frighten her too much, would you please get her out? We can't talk if she's wedged under there."

Shigure nodded and crouched down beside Kyo to look at Rin. She stared back at him, her eyes wide with such fear that he winced inwardly. He glanced up. "Would you and Kyo go downstairs? I'll bring her." Behind him, Kyo scrambled to his feet, and a moment later Shigure was alone in the room with the terrified girl. He reached out to her slowly, rolling onto his stomach so he could touch her arm. She didn't try to avoid him, but she was shaking violently under his hand. "Come on, Rin-chan, it's just me," he said softly. "Let's get you out of there. There's nothing to be scared of." She didn't move, so he kept talking in the same steady voice. "It's all right. No one's going to hurt you here." That elicited a flicker of reaction--the vaguest hint of dubiousness on her face. "I promise, ok?" He slowly moved his hand to hers and squeezed it. "Come here and talk to me." There was no return pressure against his fingers, but after a long moment she began to edge toward him.

He waited patiently until she was all the way out from under the bed, and then he sat up. She curled into a ball beside him, her eyes shadowed and wary. He began carefully combing his fingers through her hair, picking out the bits of dust that were clinging to it, and said nothing. Eventually the silence was too much for her. "Gure-nii?"

"Hmm?"

She traced a circle on the floor with her finger. "Kyo told me that Kazuma-san hits him." Her voice was steadier than he'd expected, and now held more resignation than fear. Shigure jerked in surprise.

"He said WHAT?" They stared at each other for a long moment, and then Shigure shook his head. "Definitely not, Rin-chan. There's been some sort of misunderstanding. How long have you been staying here now?" He knew, but he wanted to keep her talking.

"Two weeks," she replied, her forehead furrowed with confusion.

"Have you seen anything at all that suggests that Kazuma-dono would hurt anyone?"

Her eyes dropped, and she was silent for another long moment. When she spoke again she sounded old and exhausted, as if her child's body was only a disguise concealing tremendous age. "Mama and Daddy didn't always hurt me."

The photographs Hatori had shown him flashed before his eyes again, and he waited until the images had faded back into his memory before he replied. "I promise you, he won't hurt you." She didn't respond, so he took her shoulders and shook her gently. "I _promise_, Rin." He moved into a crouch and scooped her up in his arms as he stood. She was as frail as Akito, and leaned against him in the same weary way. "Come on, we'll sort this out." He carried her down the stairs and into the living room, where Kyo, Kazuma, and Kunimitsu were sitting around the table. When she tried to hide her face in his shoulder, he sat down and carefully turned her so that she was facing them. "All right, Rin, what exactly did you and Kyo-kun say?"

He could feel her steeling herself. "I asked him if Kazuma-san hits him."

"What did he say?" Kazuma asked calmly.

Kyo answered before she could, looking confused and worried. "I said you do."

"Ah," Kazuma said, nodding. "Did you tell her _when_ that happens?"

"No," Kyo replied.

"Stand up and pretend we're in the dojo." Kazuma and Kyo both stood and walked into the open part of the room. "Come at me as if you were in your lesson."

Kyo blinked, bowed formally, and began a series of karate movements. Kazuma matter-of-factly blocked them and countered, with just enough force that Kyo was pushed back. The boy staggered a little and recovered his form, shooting a questioning glance at his adopted father. "That will do," Kazuma said, turning to look at Rin, who was watching attentively. "Isuzu, you know that I'm a karate master. In the course of training my students, I do hit them. However, I do not injure them, and I encourage them to hit me back. Kyo, have I ever struck you outside of practice?"

"No," Kyo said. "Why would you?" He looked back and forth between Kazuma and Rin, and Shigure saw the moment when he grasped the misunderstanding. "Master wouldn't hurt you!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide with horror. He looked up at Kazuma so earnestly that Shigure didn't have the heart to tease him for his error. "Master, I'm sorry! I didn't know that was what she thought!"

Kazuma ruffled his hair fondly. "No, I know. You meant no harm, Kyo. It's all right." He came and knelt beside Rin and Shigure. "Isuzu, I'm sorry you were frightened. No one here will ever hurt you. Not I, not Kyo, not Kunimitsu."

"I don't care if you yell," Kunimitsu said from the other side of the table. "If I snap at you, snap back as hard as you want."

"But while we're being serious, we should tell you something," Kazuma continued. "Shigure-kun told me this afternoon that you will probably be going to live with Kagura and her mother sometime soon. But I've enjoyed having you here, and you are welcome to visit us if you'd like."

One uncertainty in Rin's eyes was giving way to another. "Is it because I'm cursed?" she asked suddenly, a faint tremor in her voice.

Kyo snorted. "Master doesn't care about that. _I'm_ cursed."

Kazuma looked thoughtful. "Will you trust me, Isuzu?" She nodded slowly. He sat back on his heels and held out a hand to her. "Come here, then." She obeyed after a moment, moving to the careful distance from him that Jyuunishi learned to keep from people who didn't share their curse. Kazuma took her hand lightly and tugged her closer, putting his arms around her before she could resist. She had just enough time to go rigid in astonishment before the curse triggered. Kyo and Shigure both twitched in surprise. Other Sohmas who knew about the curse were trained from childhood not to set it off--touching one of the Jyuunishi was comparatively rare even for members of the same sex.

The burst of smoke that accompanied her transformation faded quickly, leaving Kazuma gently hugging a very startled, delicate-looking horse. She stamped her feet and tossed her head, almost connecting with his nose, but didn't speak. Her sides heaved in fright, but it wasn't the profound fear that had gripped her earlier. Kazuma kept his arms around her neck, delaying her reverse transformation and keeping her from fleeing. He stroked her forehead and mane until she calmed, and continued to hold her for several minutes.

"The Jyuunishi curse doesn't bother me," he said. Her ears flicked toward his voice. "When I said you're welcome here, I meant it. If you need somewhere to come and feel safe, my home is open to you." She pulled against his grip, and he let go. "Shigure-kun, give her your jacket." Shigure stood and retrieved his coat, and draped it lightly over Rin; she transformed back under his hands, and tugged it close around herself. Everyone in the room politely averted their eyes while she pulled her clothes back on; when she was dressed, Shigure put a protective hand on her shoulder.

"Kazuma-dono--" he started, but Rin slipped away from him and bowed formally to Kazuma.

"Thank you," she said quietly. She walked to the table and sat down beside Kyo, and accepted the cup of sweetened tea that Kunimitsu poured for her.

Shigure, watching, saw that she believed Kazuma's words; he suspected that she might well take advantage of his offered kindness after she left his care. But something matured in her that day, and the wall that often separated the Jyuunishi from each other as well as from others began to go up. It was the last time Shigure touched her for years.

********

PRESENT

********

He didn't hear the outside door open, but the _feel_ of the house changed when Rin came in. There was only the faintest sound when she leaned up against the doorway of his office and slid down to sit on the floor. Shigure turned when she cleared her throat, and was pleased to see that this time she'd condescended to take her boots off.

"I take it you ran into Ha-kun the last time you were here?" he asked, watching her face. Her lips tightened, but not before he saw the glint of pain in her eyes that she immediately crushed.

"What did he say?" she asked, looking away and feigning disinterest. Shigure clucked reproachfully at her.

"Now, if you don't want me to tell him things about you, you have to expect the reverse to be true as well."

Rin pulled her knees up to her chest. "I think he didn't ask you _not_ to tell me. You're just being difficult." He gazed back at her. "Fine. When do they all start getting home from school?"

"You want to be gone by then, I take it?" He checked the clock. "Are you skipping again? Your classes shouldn't be over yet."

"I asked about _them_," Rin grumbled.

"True enough. They'll be back in a couple of days."

"Oh." It took a moment for her to realize what he'd said, and her head snapped around. "What?"

"They're in Kyoto, on their class trip."

"Oh," she said again. "I guess it's that time of year." She leaned back against the frame and watched the late afternoon sunlight streaming in, sparkling with dust. "You should let that girl clean in here, Gure-nii. This is pretty bad."

"I couldn't let Tohru-kun in here. She'd organize everything in some logical way and I'd never see it again."

"You're such a bachelor," she murmured.

"So what's on your mind today?" Shigure asked. "Found any new pieces to the puzzle?"

"No."

"What's the occasion, then?"

She shot him a venomous glare. "I needed somewhere to hide out from my nosy relatives."

His mouth quirked in just enough of a smile to be irritating without letting her growl at him. "Excellent choice, I'm sure. While we're at it, do you want me to nag you about school as well?"

Rin was curled into a ball again, her face buried in her arms. "No." The single word was barely intelligible. Shigure stood up after a moment and went to crouch by her, feeling a stab of concern. She lifted her head far enough that he would be able to make her out. "Thanks for letting me come here."

"What, are you worried I'll start kicking you out if you don't try to be civil now and then?"

"Something like that."

He thought he saw a sparkle of tears being shoved down. When she said nothing else, he put an arm awkwardly over her shoulders. She tensed but didn't pull away. "Don't worry, I'm not trying anything."

"I didn't think you were." She turned her head so that it rested on his arm as well, and then sighed, a long, slow exhalation that sounded as if she was trying to empty herself of more than just breath. "You hug like a Jyuunishi, Gure-nii," she said eventually.

The idle comment caught him off guard. "I'm not exactly used to hugging women," he said, a bit sharply.

Rin turned her head so that she was looking up at him, her eyes suddenly examining him so intently that he was sure she had come after some new tidbit of information after all. "Have you ever?" she asked. "Hugged a woman?"

"No," he said, hoping the flatness of his reply would keep her from pursuing it. Instead she moved away from him and glided to her feet. He blinked at her while she grabbed his hands and pulled him up. "Rin-chan, you--" She calmly manipulated him so that he was leaning back against the doorframe, and then stood close to him, sliding her arms around his neck and waist.

"I'm not `trying anything' either," she said quietly, her breath hot on his skin. She had to stand up on her toes to keep her grip on him, and leaned into him to maintain her balance. Her body was warmer through their clothes than he would have expected. It took him a moment to collect his thoughts enough to hug her back, and then he lost track of time while they stood like that. The simple affection in the gesture made him dizzy. "Sometimes I forgot how lucky I was," she whispered. "To be able to take this for granted with Haru." He was sure that she hadn't meant to let him hear the longing ache that crept into her voice, so he said nothing.

Eventually she let go and stepped back. "I'm going now."

Shigure touched her shoulder lightly, remembering in time that it was the damaged one. She looked back at him, her eyes carefully empty, but not with that haunting numbness that had filled them the last time she'd touched him. He stared at her and tried to think of something to say that would tell her what it had felt like without revealing too much of himself.

When the silence had stretched longer than he was comfortable with, she gave him a tiny, almost-understanding smile. "You're welcome," she said softly.

"Come here when you need to," he told her, wondering how clearly she remembered Kazuma once telling her much the same thing.

The smile widened, holding a trace of actual amusement. He could almost see the child he had known in that expression, somehow innocent and wicked at once. "I'll remember that. See you later."

"Be safe," he replied.

Rin nodded and walked away down the hall. Shigure stood where she had left him and listened to the sounds of her putting her boots on and letting herself out. The stillness that settled over the house in her wake was so deep that he began to wish that Tohru and his cousins were returning sooner.

"Take care of yourself, Rin," he said to the empty room. "Be safe."

Fin.

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Fruits Basket is the creation of Takaya Natsuki, and is licensed in North America by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga). Used without permission or the intention of making a profit. Please support the original work!

"Jaded" © 2004 by Ysabet MacFarlane <ba087@chebucto.ns.ca>.

Edited by Alishya Lane.

Comments and criticism welcomed at the above address.

This story may be reproduced and archived so long as the original text is preserved and the author's name and contact information remain attached. Notifying the author of any such use is an appreciated courtesy. NO CHANGES OF ANY KIND ARE PERMITTED.