Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Love and Amnesty ❯ The beginning of the End ( Chapter 1 )

Love and Amnesty

Let's rewrite the Story…

We'll call it Our Story…

It will have the perfect ending…

It is something that even as a young man I wished for. I wanted them to have a fairytale ending. I saw them every day, growing closer. I watch them do what I cannot. I let them have what I cannot.

I can live without seeing the battle. I can live without knowing the outcome. I can live with losing the war. But I cannot live without fighting it.

I always respected her. And I'm sure there was never a time when she didn't respect me. We had a good relationship, strong, honest, and platonic. I admired the quirky little things about her, her laugh, her smile, her charisma. She always seemed to add a little bit more life to a room cold with silence and tension.

I swear to you I admire her with utmost respect.

I take pride in my work enough to enjoy what I do, but my casual manner and lifestyle is often misinterpreted for indolence.

I can be a bit, shall we say, "playful" at times, but at least I understand that there is a time and a place for everything. Just because I enjoy having a laugh at the expense of others (sexual or otherwise) doesn't make me some deranged pervert.

Perhaps my biggest problem with the situation is that no one ever stops to consider my happiness. I am modest, granted, if not starved for attention. I must sound pretty desperate to you; mind you I advise you take a walk in my shoes before labeling me desperate. But then again, I'm not known to wear shoes. Bohemian, I am not. Again, a misinterpretation of my lifestyle. I have been known to smoke an occasional cigarette, however, one should not assume that I am intoxicated or chemically unbalanced. I'm just a normal man, with normal feelings, emotions and hormones. Nowhere in my résumé will you find the words "crack-smoking pedophile". My field of expertise has always been literature and fine arts. Thus including Shakespeare, Twain, Hemingway, and a number of graphic hentai mangas.

I am leaning into my palm, my glasses dangling at the crook of my nose. My eyelids are heavy and I can feel them drooping, my eyelashes brushing against my soft cheeks, pale with fatigue and moist with concentration.

I realize with a shock that I am staring at a blank screen.

The phone rings, as if on cue. Irritated, I answer it.

"Mii-Chan," I say. "Good morning."

"SHI-GU-RE!!!" sobs my overdramatic editor, "good morning yourself! It's 2:00!!! The deadline was THREE WEEKS AGO!"

"Yes, Mii-Chan, I know…"

I listen for a moment and hear a garble of unintelligible wailing.

"Mii-Chan?"

"Shigure!!!!" she cries, "I need those manuscripts by tomorrow!!!"

"Yes, Mii-Chan…you'll have them…"

More wailing.

"Come see tomorrow okay?"

Sniff. Sniff. Whimper. Moan. Wail.

"Well…okay."

I hang up, sighing deeply. I push my glasses further up the bridge of my nose and try to concentrate on my assignment.

"Shigure! I'm home!"

Her soft voice wafts into my office. The sound lingers and drifts around me, playing across my ears. I love the sound of her voice. It is motivation on wings.

"Welcome home, Tohru-Kun." I say.

She peers into my office.

"Where's Yuki and Kyou?" I ask, daring her to tell me we're home alone.

"Kyou's training with Kazuma-San. Yuki is at a student council meeting. Would you like some tea?"

"Sure," I swallow hard. "Are they due back soon?"

"I'm not so sure about Kyou, but Yuki's meetings are usually no more than a few hours long. Will you take chamomile or jasmine today?"

"Jasmine. Thank you Tohru-Kun."

"Oh, anytime!"

I treasure the rare moments I am alone with Tohru. It gives me a chance to study her, to feed off her limited but practical intellect. I enjoy watch her fiddle around the house, washing this, folding that.

"Uh, Tohru-Kun?" I call.

"Hai, Shi-San?"

"Do you know where my good suit is? The one I borrowed from Hatori?"

"Hai, I washed it yesterday."

"Isn't it dry clean only?"

"I took it to Ayame's shop, if that's alright with you. He said he'd do it at no charge." She smiled sweetly. "Did you need it for something, Shi-San?"

"Don't you have a parent's night coming up at your school?"

"Oh, Hai!" She said, as if she'd only just remembered. "How kind of you to remind me!"

"Oh, it was nothing," I said, smiling back at her. "I hope it still fits me."

"I'm sure it does. You do look rather handsome in a suit."

"Yes, I'm sure I do. If you don't mind- the tea?"

And she was off like a rocket into the kitchen. To fetch my tea.

She thinks I look handsome in a suit. I swear I am jumping around like a maniac inside my yukata.

It's sixth grade all over again.

"Shi-San? I have your tea."

"Thank you, Tohru."

She leaves my office and I direct my attention to the computer screen. Unfortunately, my hunger gets the better of me.

"Tohru?"

"Hai, Shi-San?" she pops into the doorframe.

"What's for dinner?"

"Steamed fish and leeks."

"Tohru? May I ask you something?"

"Sure! What is it? Do you need something?"

"Actually I was wondering…just how do you feel about Yuki and Kyou?"

A blush crept across her face.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean…"

"Just tell me how you feel about them. Would you say they're your friends?"

"Hai. I love them as best friends!"

"Really?"

"I love them the way you love Ayame-San and Hatori-San."

"Oh. Well then. I should probably get back to work. I'm sure you have homework of some sort, do you not?"

"Yes. I'll leave now. I'm sorry if I was bothering you."

She bowed to me and left, shutting the door behind her.

I can't concentrate…as long as she's here I wont be able to get anything done. I might as well take a walk outside until Yuki and Kyou return.

Try as I might, I can no longer stifle the feelings I have for Tohru. It makes me very sad to know that she will never hold a place in her heart for me. And, believe it or not, I know more about women than you would care to inquire. I know that wearing my heart on my sleeve while waving my emotions about in her face will not inspire compassion. The most it will do is make me look like a dirty old man or, at the very least, an ass.

I do not go out of my way to impress her. I do not shower her with gifts or attention. I do not find excuses to look up her skirt or down her shirtfront, nor do I make snide or rude comments about her when her back is turned. That would only contribute to my false persona. I would be digging my own grave.

Contrary to what everyone thinks, my sex life is nothing short of pathetic.

Let's just say the first person I slept with doesn't even know who I am.

And it's not because it was a one-night stand.

Walking in the grassy area behind my abode, I feel in tune with nature. I suppose you could call it raw instinct, but there's something oddly appealing about being there. I somehow feel like it is where I belong.

The majority of the Zodiac members feel certain connections to nature. Eventually, after we grow used to being in our animal forms, we feel bound to the natural habitat of that animal.

I have walked around the house.

Twice.

I brush my greasy hair out of my eyes and start on the main pathway leading to my office.

I sit down heavily in my leather office chair (the one that Haru bought for me, tsk, tsk tsk, d'ya think he knows it's leather? He positively adores it…) and lean into my palms. I sip my cool tea. If I'm gonna start, might as well start now.

Time to put on my thinking cap.

Thoughts, wicked, nasty, inapt thoughts waft into my head. Images of hands, fine silk sheets, sweet flesh. It feels so real I slip into a dream without noticing.

Welcome to hentai central.

Also known as my mind.

No contour is left untouched, every curve and every crevice has been tainted with my lips…she is raking her fingers through my hair, moaning, screaming, and begging for more…we tumble around madly in sweat-soaked rapture…onegai, shi-chan…don't stop…I'm never going to stop, I swear it…

It was fast dream.

It would have been better if I hadn't woken up.

"Shigure-San! Dinner!"

And it would have been better if "Mr. Midnight" hadn't woken up too.

A knock at my door.

"Shi-San? May I come inside?"

I do my best to cover myself with my yukata, but it's no use. I shove my entire midsection underneath my desk. Grimacing, I allow her to enter.

"Shigure, are you alright?"

"Er…yes, Tohru-Kun, I'm alright." The pain is almost unbearable. I do my best not to let it show on my face. "Did you need to say something to me?"

"Dinner's on the table whenever you're ready. Are you sure you're okay? Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No, no," I say hurriedly, pressing my palms flat against my desktop. What a way to die.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" she comes up to me and puts a cool hand to my flaming forehead. I shudder under her touch as she looks at me with deep eyes. I avoid her eyes and inch away from her lips. This is torture.

"You might have a fever," she says. "Do you need a wet cloth?" she is still bending over me. I can clearly see down her blouse. I shove my hands underneath the desk to prevent any further damage.

"N-no, Tohru-Kun…I-I'm…just…fine…" I manage to say.

"Are you sure?"

Sometimes I wish she wasn't so devoted to my health.

"I-I'm sure," I say.

"Well…dinner is on the table when you're ready."

She finally leaves.

Sighing I heave myself up and drag my feet towards the bathroom. I need to find a way to stifle the flames. Cold water. That's the ticket.

I seat myself at the table across from Tohru. I can't help watching her eat; she's just so cute.

"Tohru, this really is very good," I say, trying to sound as polite as possible.

"Oh, you really think so?" she says shyly.

"No need to be flustered," I say, flashing a most sincere smile, "I mean it. This really is good."

"Thank you!" she says.

The rest of the meal is eaten in silence. Tohru collects the dishes. It really is amazing watching her in the kitchen. It's as if she belongs there. Sometimes she scrubs the dishes so vigorously little bits of soap land on the tip of her nose, and you have no idea what that does to me. She works so flawlessly; you can tell just how devoted she is to keeping the house clean and the homeowner happy. I watch her longingly, knowing that she is something I can never have. How can I live in this house watching Kyou and Yuki continually sweep her off her feet? These boys can't even buy alcohol. How can they possibly provide Tohru with all the things she may need later on in life? Neither one of them has a job, so they can't possibly contribute to putting dinner on the table or keeping a roof up over their heads. Not to mention all the repairs I have to pay for when Kagura-San visits. Why can't Tohru see how much I care for her? Or does she know and she's just waiting for me to make the first move?

Oh my God.

She knows.

If she didn't know she wouldn't act so peculiar.

If she knew she wouldn't be acting this way.

If she didn't know I wouldn't feel like this.

What if she doesn't know that I know she knows?

Then of course she wouldn't say anything, but what if she knows that I know that she knows that I know? This is so confusing. Well, that's life.

I love her.

It doesn't matter if it's illegal. I still love her.

Why is it considered wrong for a young man to love a younger woman?

How can you control the rules of love with a law?

What if it's what we both want? Then what? Is it illegal to love someone?

I think laws are ridiculous.

I have never touched Tohru inappropriately, and trust me, that's usually the first thing I do when I meet a good-looking woman. I would never do that to Tohru. I respect her way too much. It's time like this I wish she knew. I wish there was a way I could trick her into loving me, but it the end, I realize the hopelessness of the situation.

She is seventeen. I am twenty-eight.

She only holds eyes for Yuki and Kyou.

I may never understand her, but she never fails to understand me. This is one of the reasons she has earned my admiration and respect. I don't think of Tohru as just someone to watch after, but someone to be treasured and cherished. I enjoy and appreciate her company. I really do. But I can't help but feel as though I am being cheated somehow. I feel as if Tohru deserves more. More than Yuki or Kyou could ever offer.

For one, I'm experienced. I know exactly what women want, and I know how to give it to them. I know every trick in the book. I know how to pleasure a woman. I know how to make them love me.

I'm tired of being the parent. I want a chance to play the guardian.

For Tohru, I mean.

She needs someone like me.

I need someone like her.

I will have her.

She will be mine.

I have good reason to fight for her.

She is young and impressionable and easily influenced.

Suddenly I'm glad I read The Total and Complete Idiot's guide to the Art of Seduction…

3:01.

A.M.

The digital numbers stare at me cruelly, criticizing me, patronizing me, mocking me.

I awake to the cold hard feeling of wood beneath my cheek, my glasses askew on my face and my arms folded over the keyboard.

How long have I been sleeping?!

Wiping the drool from my lip, I rise to my feet and creep out into the living room. I can see a crumpled figure lying across the kotatsu. I figure it's probably Yuki. He usually has a hard time staying up late on school nights.

As I pass the table, I glance at the figure nonchalantly, and I almost walk past without noticing.

It's Tohru.

She is laying face down on the table, her cheek slammed into the spine of a history textbook, a thin yellow pencil wedged between her fingers.

She has fallen asleep studying.

What should I do? Should I wake her? Should I leave her there?

No, leaving her does seem rather tactless.

I think.

If wakes up knowing she fell asleep studying she'll be crushed. I can just hear it now…

"Oh no! I fell asleep studying! I'm never going to graduate now! Oh no, mom! I've failed you! I'm so sorry…I couldn't keep my promise…"

I decide to take her to her room.

MUCH easier said than done. I have to make sure her arms don't find their way around me or else I'm at risk of waking the whole house.

I slip my right hand in the crook of her folded legs and my left hand at the space on her back between her shoulders. Luckily, her arms are folded neatly across her stomach. Holding her at about an arm's length away from me, I start up the stairs.

I kick her room door open and lay her gently on the bed.

I am about to leave when all of a sudden another thought wafts into my brain.

She's still wearing her school uniform.

If she were to wake up wearing her school uniform, she might be suspicious. She might assume something happened.

I must take action in the midst of this calamity!

I search her whole room for her pajamas. I'm not surprised when I find them neatly folded underneath a pillow.

I look down at Tohru.

This is the right thing to do, I tell myself. It might feel wrong, but it's right.

You're doing this in the best interest of Tohru, not just to sneak a feel.

Shigure! Shut up! I mentally bitchslapped myself

My trembling fingers swiftly work through the buttons of her over coat. With utmost caution, I slip the garment off and put it aside.

She moves.

I drop down to the floor, lying flat on my stomach, silent as a ghost.

I hear the ruffling of fabric and the stretching of the springs in the bed.

What the hell is she doing?

Trying my hardest not to be seen, I peer up over the edge of the bed and look at her.

She's shivering at the loss of her jacket. I look at her carefully. Her eyelids flutter, her fingers twitch. Other than that, she appears to be asleep.

I stand up.

I contemplate whether or not to make the next move.

My brain cells pulsate nosily…the blood pounds in my ears; my heart slams itself against my chest.

Argh…I can't think…. with ALL THIS NOISE!

I clap my hands over my mouth.

I almost screamed.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath I return my attention to the task at hand.

I look at Tohru before I start pulling the T-shirt off over her head. I gently slip her arms out of the sleeves. As I do, I feel the goose bumps immediately spread on her bare flesh like a mob of angry ants.

I do my best not to look at her breasts, which are ineffectively shielded by a white lacy bra.

I work the shirt off over her head, trying my best not to let the fabric touch her.

She thrashes violently, clutching her arms to her bare sides. I cower at the sight…I really don't want her to wake up…

My heart climbs it's way up to my throat.

I feel the blood gush from my ears.

I decide that this is no longer a good idea. I decide I'll just put her T-shirt back on and leave it at that.

Just as I get her head back in, the unthinkable happens.

Her eyes snap open, white with fear and wide in terror.

She looks at me.

She looks down at herself.

Before I can explain, she lets out a loud, long and utterly earth-quaking scream.