Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ MST of .. "Nurse!" ❯ Chapter 1, "The time we spend" ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

MST Of “Nurse” by “galaxy angel 65”

Cast: Sasha Janre

Skye Hatheway

Rick Janre

Dr. Hatori Sohma

Hatsuharu Sohma

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Disclaimer: If you do not know what a MST is by now, you shouldn’t be here. Standard warnings for … well … whatever floats your boat.


it was a normal day at the sohma estate..shigure was visiting with yuki and everyone...yuki and kyo competed for well for no reason, tohru was showing kisa how to make friendship braclets, haru was sitting with momiji and shigure drinking tea and talking...until one day well a second later..hatori walked out of akito's room and just threw down the newspaper and told shigure to read the circled article..."HELP WANTED SNIPER...IF YOU HAVE A SKILLS WITH A GUN CALL THE NUMBER LISTED BELOW" shigure said as he read the newspaper...

Rick: What…the…shit?

Skye: Help! The ellipses are attacking!

Hatori: Did she forget where the shift key was?

Sasha: It seems so, but she found the caps lock alright.

"what the hell are you reading i said the circled one idiot" hatori said....as he pointed to the one....

Skye: I think she thinks the ellipses are going to take over the place of the periods.

Rick: “Ellipses--the new period”.

Haru: So … what’s going on here?

Sasha: It appears that Shigure is not reading the circled article Hatori wanted him to. Then Ha’ri will commence with the doctor bitch slapping.

Hatori: …

"okay..okay geeez...." shigure said..."help wanted-as local nurse...any gender can apply for the job..pays five dollars in hour...working times are: all mondays-(including holidays) from 6 A.M.to 1 P.M. sometimes thursdays and every sunday also including holidays...also must have skills in cooking, medicine..."...

Rick: Hey, I didn’t know you were looking for a nurse, doctor man.

Skye: Heh, they’re gonna play “doctor”

Hatori: *looks annoyed*

Haru: So after 1pm Haa-san takes over himself?

Sasha: …appears that way.

"what's the sudden need of a nurse?" haru said...

"i don't know..i need help with taking care of people and i hardly ever have time to eat lunch" hatori said...as he sat down...

Haru: Well, as long as you know, Haa-san.

Sasha: Shame on you, Ha’ri! You should be eating!

Skye: It certainly explains why he looks so thin.

Rick: I wonder how this acquisition of a nurse will go over with Akito.

Hatori: My guess is not well.

"well i hope the any gender thing turns out to be a woman, because this house has to many males" shigure said...

Sasha: Any gender thing?

Rick: Pesky thing, those genders.

Skye: Do you know why there are a lot of males, Sensei?

Haru: I think it might be lost on him.

"shigure-san open your mind from just that one search" yuki said as he dusted off his school uniform....

Hatori: I was under the impression Yuki wasn’t this…this…

Skye: *helpfully* stupid?

Hatori: …Yes.

"i can dream can't i" shigure said...

"well i have someone who wants the job...there going to meet me here at 2.p.m." hatori said...

Sasha: *flails* Periods!

Rick: That’s nice, Ha’ri.

"that's in five mins. haa-san" shigure said..as he looked at the clock on the wall...

Haru: Wouldn’t Haa-san own a watch?

Skye: You’d think so. But he’s too fashionable for one of those things.

"yes i know that's why i'm waiting out here" hatori said...

Hatori: That really doesn’t explain anything.

Rick: Just go with it, Doctor man.

"so did it sound like a female" shigure said...

"i don't know all they said was their friend was going to meet me at two p.m." hatori said...

Sasha: Uh, nice background check, Ha’ri.

Hatori: *dryly* Thorough, isn’t it?

"great so we have to wait that whole four mins" shigure said...

"sensei didn't you say that the next woman you see would be your last" haru said..

Rick: Five minutes?

Haru: I don’t even know where to begin on that.

Skye: Nowhere sounds good to me.

"no haru-san that's only to my editor" shigure said...

"okay she or he has three mins. left" hatori said...as he sipped his tea....

Sasha: So they’re meeting Hatori at Shigure’s house?

Hatori: …clearly this version of me has no sense of planning.

the group was sitting together when outside they heard a crashing noise and a lot of bumping...shigure walked outside and tripped over a pile of papers that was on the ground of the house...shigure looked up and saw high heel shoes and thin ankles...'damn i hope this the new nurse..shigure thought'..."heelloo" a voice said over a huge pile of folders...hatori came out to see what the problem was...

Rick: As Shigure bemoaned the destruction to his house.

Skye: She then fell into him and was horrified that he turned into a seahorse and consequently squashed him in her panic.

"hello i'm dr. sohma are you here for the nurse job" hatori said...as he scooped some of her papers..

Sasha: *swoon* Dr. Sohma!

Hatori: I swear Ayame’s rubbing off on you. You should quit that job.

Sasha: Heh, but I like Ayame!

Hatori: That’s why.

"yes i'm rana niwa" rana said as she held out her hand...

Rick: Rana Niwa?

Skye: Now there's originality!

Sasha: Heh, remember Meijen?

Hatori: I’d rather not, thank you.

Haru: *slightly interested* Who?

"come on in and put all those papers away" hatori said...

"okay i'm sorry" rana said as she tried to walked, but triped over shigure in the process...

Skye: Shigure! Way to be a pathway hazard!

"hey yuki and haru could you pick up all these papers and throw them away" hatori said...

"yeah yeah sure thing" haru said...

Rick: Ha, ha! You’re Hatori’s bitch!

Haru: …

Sasha: Didn’t he just tell her to do that herself?

Skye: Hatori doesn’t have a lot of patience for people.

"this way" hatori said...

hatori showed rana the way to his room which had a desk and study included...

Haru: Included…what, exactly?

Sasha: The study and desk were included in his room.

Rick: You move fast, don’t you, Haa-san?

Hatori: Shut up…

"so mrs.niwa could i get a look at your face from under those glasses and hat" hatori said...

"ohh i'm sorry i'll take it off" rana said as she took off her hat then her glasses...

Skye: (Hatori) Christ, you’re ugly! Get out!

Rick: Let’s be honest, Hatori may be icy, but he’s not that cruel.

Sasha: Capitalization!

Hatori: That is a lost cause. You should give up.

Haru: And then was blind for the rest of the interview.

"finally i get to see what the nurse looks like" hatori said as he saw a thin brown haired woman in front of him...

Sasha: …but you haven’t given her the job yet.

Rick: I hardly see what that has to do with anything. I mean, who cares what she looks like? She just needs to do a good job!

Haru: Clearly our standards are different than a Mary Sue.

"ohh and mr. sohma i'm not mrs. it's just miss" rana said...

"i guess the same goes for both of us" hatori said...

Skye: *sweat drop* You’re not a Mrs, Hatori?

Hatori: No, I’m not.

Rick: I’m glad we got that cleared up.

"ohhh i'm sorry" rana said as she looked at the ground...

"no need" hatori said...

"i'm sorry" rana said...

Haru: Didn’t he just say it was…?

Rick: My brain’s broken…

"okay acouple of questions" hatori said...

"yes i'm ready" rana said...

"well one do you have any children?" hatori said...

Sasha: (Rana) Yes, a few illegitimate children here and there from other Anime doctors I played Nurse with.

"no..none at all, but i'm thinking about it in the future" rana said as she turned her face...

"ohhh i see...and have you had any experiences with medicine at all" hatori asked...

Hatori: I don’t talk like that.

Rick: Yeah you talk in full, coherent sentences.

Skye: Except with Meijin, she made him lose his power of speech!

Haru: Who is she?

Hatori: No one important, Hatsuharu.

"yes i was a pharamist for three years" rana said...

"okay and last one can you cook" hatori said...

Sasha: I must say this is thorough.

Skye: (Hatori) Actually, I lied. Are you a virgin? Because if you aren’t, this wouldn’t be very pure and wonderful and lame when I deflower you.

Hatori: *glares*

"well somethings and if you give me a recipe i can make it easily" rana said...

"great you have the job...i guess you can start tomorrow..." hatori said...

Rick: Don’t sound too sure about that, Hatori.

Hatori: I’m not sure, actually I’m sure that I want to hang myself.

Sasha: Oh, don’t do that.

Hatori: It’s better to be dead than to read this sort of crap.

Sasha: Well, be that as it may…

"ohhh thank you so much dr. sohma..." rana said...

"here's your uniform" hatori said as he handed it to her...

Skye: How the hell did you have her size already?

Hatori: *dryly* Well I had Ayame stalk her for a while…

Rick: Dr. Sohma! *swoon*

"be here tomorrow.." rana said excitedly...as she ran out the door...

"....." hatori said as he saw a cloud of dust from her exit.

Sasha: …why are you telling Hatori to be there tomorrow? Unless he was planning to escape…

Hatori: I am going to escape. *nods*

"ohhh haha i'm sorry here's my resume" rana said as she opened the door again...

"thank you miss niwa" hatori said...as he took it...

Rick: That wasn’t funny…

Haru: Wouldn’t she have given that to him at the start of the interview?

Sasha: You’d think so, but neither of them seem to be in their right minds…

from that point on rana niwa was hatori sohma's nurse..with her happiness leaving the house she realized that while walking out she saw that seven faces were following her actions as she left the room..."hello i don't think we're ever met" shigure said as he stood up from the table..."yes i'm very sorry my name is rana niwa" she said as she shook shigure's hand...

Skye: Her happiness left the house?

Hatori: She should stay away from the house altogether.

Sasha: But you hired her!

Hatori: … a once in a lifetime lapse in judgement.

Rick: Uh-oh, Shigure’s got her now.

"hey tohru-san she kinda of sounds like you" yuki said...

"huh what?" tohru said as she focused in on what yuki had just said...

All: …

Sasha: Of course she sounds like Tohru.

Haru: Well at least they didn’t say she sounded like Kana.

"ahhh you moran he said that she's like you abit" kyo said...

"don't be mean to tohru-san" kisa said...

"well miss niwa this is tohru, kisa, momiji, and over here is yuki, kyo, and last but not least is haru..." shigure said..as he introduce them to rana...

Hatori: …Full house.

Rick: O_O did you just crack a joke?

"i'm very gald to meet you all" rana said as she bowed...

"there just getting ajusted to you" shigure said...

Haru: She just got hired a couple of paragraphs ago!

"hello it's very nice to meet a new girl around the sohma estate" tohru said...

"haha! but that's where your wrong tohru-san....she's a woman" shigure said...

Rick: Ha, ha?

Sasha: I don’t see what’s so funny…

Skye: Her lack of brains?

"well i'm flattered thank you very much for your time" rana said...

"umm..miss rana could i talk to you" tohru asked...

"sure what is it?" rana said...

Sasha: (Tohru) Step the HELL OFF OF My men, plzkthnxbai.

"well i was wondering since your a girl in all. could you take kisa and me to the store tomorrow?" tohru asked.....

Haru: Why are you asking? You’ve gone to the store without an adult plenty of times, Tohru…

Hatori: *lights up a cigarette*

Sasha: Ha’ri, you’re a doctor. Shouldn’t you know smoking is bad for you?

Skye: But it just adds to the hotness factor!

"yeah sure, but would your father mind" rana said....

Rick: Seeing as how he’s dead? No.

Haru: Still have to ask for permission just in case.

"ohhh no cause i only live with them, but i will ask shigure if you could take us" tohru said...

"okay so after my first day i will take you guys" rana said...

Hatori: *takes a long drag, tuning this out* Because Shigure is the level-headed one in the household to ask to make decisions…

"great thanks miss rana" tohru said...

"it's okay you can call my 'rana'.." rana said...as she walked to her car...

Rick: “My” Rana?

Skye: Don’t you want a Rana all your own?

Rick: No, they seem kinda stupid …

"bye rana" tohru said as she waved...

rana started the engine and also waved goodbye to tohru...she was driving home..rana had been there a good thiry mins. and now that she had a job and had new friends her life was more at aease...

Sasha: Wow, all that happened in thirty minutes?

Haru: I’m surprised you managed to get anything out of that.

Rick: Hopefully she was so at aease that she wrapped her car around a telephone pole.

the next day at the sohma estate...hatori waited patiently for his new nurse...he sat down with a cup of coffee and a cigarette in his hand...until a black honda de sol came into the drive way. in the car was rana in her new nurse uniform...'whoa! the shirts alittle small and the skirt is-..well i'm not complaining..hatori thought' as she skipped up the walk way...

Skye: Hurray! They actually remembered Hatori smokes!

Sasha: *choking on his cigarette smoke* Too bad we can’t … >.o

Haru: Who the hell is this?

Hatori: It isn’t me, as I’ve said on many occasions…

Rick: Whoa, maybe I should become a doctor so I can have slut nurses at my insanely secluded family estate with my head of house that is out of HIS MIND. Her … her mind? Akito is a her, right?

Sasha: Best not to hurt yourself thinking about that one, Rick…

"hello dr. sohma" rana said...

"your early" hatori said...as he smoked his cigarette...

"yeah i know. but i love being a good scout" rana said...

"yes your being a good scout by wearing those clothes" haru said as he walked by...

"haha i'm sorry" rana said as she blushed...

Sasha: YOU’RE. Not “your”, or “you’r” but “YOU’RE”.

Rick: Oh I bet you’re sorry!

Skye: What a skank.

Rick: Hi, Pot? This is Kettle. You’re black.

Skye: XP

"haru i told you to go back to your room" hatori said as he stood up...

"....." rana said as hatori's hand went on her shoulders...

Haru: Is it wrong that I want to see your slut nurse?

Hatori: Yes, you’re far too young.

Sasha: Heh, I guess what they say about Nurses behind closed doors goes the same for doctors?

Rick: Your hand could fit on both her shoulders, Haa-san? Bendy!

"you look very nice" hatori said...

Hatori: No, you look disgusting and cheap. Get out of my house.

"thank you" rana said as she blushed even more...

Sasha: She’s turning redder! Everybody, begin precautionary meltdown procedures!

Rick: *shoves a camouflage helmet on his head* Yes cap’n!

"are you okay" hatori said as he saw her turn red...

"yes i'm fine" rana said...

Skye: She’s going to explode!

Hatori: *dryly* She won’t, because the Gods hate us.

Haru: *innocently* Just you, apparently.

Hatori: *looks at him unimpressed*

"here have a sit" hatori said as he sat back down...

"ohh thank you" rana said...

Sasha: Have a sit? What the hell does that mean?

Rick: That you can have a sit of your very own for a very reasonable price? I hear they’re expensive on that planet you visit when you’re high…

"cigarette" hatori said...

"no..never had one" rana said...

Skye: Good, because smoking is nasty and turns your fingernails yellow and is a cancer stick!

Sasha: … So Ha’ri, why do you smoke?

Hatori: *chooses to ignore this and takes another drag on his cigarette*

"would you like some coffee" hatori asked...

"yes thank you" rana said...

Haru: Not like coffee is any better…

Rick: You know, for being a doctor, Hatori sure seems to be doing things that they shouldn’t be. I wonder what else he does that’s against the doctor code.

Skye: I’d answer but Haa-san’s giving me this look like he’ll filet me over a grill if I do.

"let me go inside and get some" hatori said...

"okay i'll wait here.." rana said as she patted her thigh...

Hatori: (himself) *never comes back*

Sasha: *snaps fingers* You took my riff, Ha’ri!

Rick: Heh, that’d be the best. He just goes inside, gets himself some coffee and completely forgets about her.

Skye: Hopefully she’ll get cancer from his second hand smoke and die!

"i'll be back" hatori said...

Haru: It’s really hard not to imagine him saying that in The Terminator voice.

Hatori: The what?

Haru: *sigh* Never mind…

as hatori left to get coffee for rana while she waited patiently for his return...she lifted her purse and unzipped the lock from which it was in..the purse was a dragon in a black and red color..

Sasha: Of course she’d have a thing for dragons. It wouldn’t be a HatorixOC if she DIDN’T have some sort of affinity for dragons.

Rick: Don’t…you…?

Sasha: *blink* Just Blue Eyes White Dragons…

she was searching for her dark red lip stick...as she found the item in a instant she opened it and gently put some on...when she put the make up back in her bag she heard hatori come out with a cup of coffee..."here" hatori said as she took the cup of streaming hot coffee...

Skye: Whore!

Rick: Hypocrite!

Skye: =P

Haru: (Hatori) *shoves the coffee at her, thus spilling it* Oops.

"thank you" rana said as she put the coffee down..

Sasha: You’re not even going to drink it?

Hatori: *looks displeased as he finishes the cigarette*

"well i was going through your profile yesterday and it seems that you have a heavy background of medical research" hatori questioned...

Rick: *grins lewdly* I bet she played “doctor” a lot when she was little.

Haru: *smirk* That was just you.

Rick: Pshaw!

"yes i spent eight years in school" rana said...

"you can be a doctor with that kind of degree" hatori said...

Skye: A really shitty doctor …

Sasha: I think she’d get a lot of business, if she dressed like a slut. But she’d be written up and fired for malpractice so quick it’d make your head spin.

"well i thought that being a nurse would be enough, because i'm nervous around blood" rana said...

"ohhh that's why" hatori said...

Hatori: *searches in his coat for his pack of cigarettes*

Rick: What kind of medication are you popping on the sly, Haa-san? I want some.

Sasha: … wouldn’t you still see blood if you were a nurse? If not more?

Skye: We’re ignoring that for today.

"after high school at the age of fifteen i thought maybe i should go to get a doctors degree, and with that i completed college and finished by my twenty-third birthday.." rana said...

"wow your young" hatori said...

Rick: Too young, for him, in fact!

Skye: No she’s not. I mean, Sasha has the hots for him and she’s only 18.

Sasha: *hissing* Skye!

Hatori: …what?

Sasha: *straightening herself out* Besides, it’s impossible to get your Bachelor of Science after your Master’s degree!

Haru: I bet the authoress isn’t even out of Jr. High, what makes you think she has any inclination of how post secondary works?

"well i'm going to be twenty-four in december.." rana said...

"what day?" hatori asked sounding curious..

Haru: He sounded curious, but he really was plotting the correct dosage of prescription pills he’d slip her later to render her dead.

"ohh well it's on the first" rana said...

"well i'll keep that in mind..." hatori said...

Hatori: So I can forget it later.

Rick: You just know he’s going to have sex with her on her birthday. And she’s been saving herself just for him so he can deflower her in a wonderfully romantic scene in his office!

rana just smile at the thought. it was nice of hatori to say that to her.

Skye: Yeah, he’s just saying that to get into her pants.

he stood up and said very cooly "let's go to my office"...

Sasha: Jeez, is anybody else hearing 70’s porn music playing in the background to this?

Rick: Heh! Bow-chicka-wakka-bow!

but before he left totally he grabbed a cup of coffee and sipped it. not knowing that it was rana's cup. leaving the lip stick remains on his lips...

Haru: Now that sounds vaguely nasty.

Hatori: It’s now starting to sound disgusting to you??

"in here miss niwa" hatori said...

Rick: (Hatori) Ha, got you. No I’m not. This is all your imagination. There is no spoon.

Skye: (Rana) *brain explodes*

"hmmm ummm dr. sohma" rana giggled...

"what?" hatori said...

Sasha: (Rana) I’m just picturing you naked! ^^

Skye: *smirk* Is that Rana speaking or you?

Sasha: *huffs* Shut up!

"nothing" rana said as she knocked the laughter away...

Rick: How do you knock laughter away?

Haru: With a comically sized mallet?

"first i want you to file these and alphabetize them also" hatori said..as he handed her a pile of papers..

Sasha: … generally, if you ask someone to file something, it’s in Alphabetical order.

Skye: Well who knows what kind of crazy system Hatori uses!

Hatori: *dryly* Reverse Alphabetical system, despite the fact the only patients I see have the last name “Sohma”.

Rick: Details! *waves hand* They have no place here!

"yes sir dr. sohma." rana said as she took the simple job seriously...

Haru: It was very difficult, as her brain was so small it couldn’t understand the job “nurse” required a decent uniform.

"very well i will be gone for acouple of mins." hatori said as he stood by the door of his office...

Skye: And then, he just stood there staring at her like Norman Bates in “Psycho”.

"okay" rana said as she started to file...

Rick: Wow, it’s like I’m there!

after about of acouple of mins. of filing and placing in the right order. she came across a rather special kinda of picture...

Sasha: It was of him, Ayame and Shigure in very provocative positions taken during a drunken excursion during their high school days…

it was a photo of hatori and his fiancee.

Sasha: Damn, foiled again.

rana thought it was his sister or fiancee from first glance. she turned it around to see when it was take and where. it was about acouple of years ago...while she looked at the picture hatori came in

Haru: *hums the theme from “Psycho”*

Rick: And then he slit her throat with a scalpel!

Hatori: That’s rather gruesome and I’m a family doctor, not a surgeon.

to see that she was looking at something..."what are you looking at?" hatori asked as he walked up to her...

Skye: (Rana) *hides her porn* Nothing! ^^

Sasha: Ah, porn makes the world go round.

"umm..it was in the pile" rana said as she gave him the picture...

"...." hatori said as he saw the picture...

Rick: You can’t say “…”

Haru: Unless you went “dot, dot, dot” .

Sasha: What the hell did you give it to him for? Chuck it back into the folder as fast as you can before he comes over. Ha’ri doesn’t look like he’s lightning fast anyway.

Skye: I don’t know, he seems to me he could move like a ninja when he gets ready.

Hatori: *ignoring them all*

"i'm sorry" rana said as she stood up and walked out of the room...

Haru: At least she had the sense to leave the room while the emotional plot development took place.

Skye: I’m impressed you said that with a straight face.

"..." hatori said as he took the photo and throw it to the side of the room...

Sasha: (Hatori) I’ve always hated that frame.

Rick: (Hatori) That wall deserved it.

Haru: (Hatori) I refuse to use the correct tense as I throw my hissy fit!

he hit the desk with a violent cause...'why do i still care? hatori thought as he hit the desk again'...rana leaned against the wall in with she heard all the sounds he was making

Skye: *snickers* Wow, this is really bringing back memories of that fic where Mejin was listening to Hatori jerk off.

Sasha: Don’t forget the fact she shoved a fist up her uterus.

Hatori: Could we please forget we went through that kind of torture?

. from the violent cries for help. she walked in and tried to talk, but in a instant he combed his hair with his hand and said calmly "are you hungry?"..with that she just simply nodded in argeement...

Rick: Haa-san’s bi-polar! ^_^

Skye: (Rana) *squeak* Please don’t kill me, Dr. Sohma! Wouldn’t you rather just ravish me instead?

Sasha: (Hatori) No.

"i'm sorry for early" hatori said...

Hatori: *just stares, blankly*

Haru: *Scratches his armband tattoo*

Rick: *shift*

Skye: *fidget*

Sasha: Oh fine, I’ll say it! What the hell was THAT?

"no! i'm sorry for invading your privacy" rana said...

"it's okay i forgive you" hatori said as he placed a hand on rana's free hand..

Rick: (Hatori) But first, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with … a herring!

Skye: (Rana) We shall do no such thing!

Rick: (Hatori) NI!

Hatori: *ignoring them both* Where was her other hand?

Haru: Heh… >XD

"thank you dr. sohma i'm glad your so understandable" rana said...

Sasha: So glad I’m going to throw you down on your desk and ravish you!

Skye: I’m sure we’ll be getting to that in a moment.

Rick: (Hatori) I’m only doing this so you can leave, quickly.

Haru: (Hatori) *whacks her with a dictionary, then gives it to her* ^^

"after lunch i would like you to sit and talk with me" hatori said as a shy smile came up from his frown...

Hatori: While that is anatomically impossible…

Rick: Whoa, your face can do weird things, Haa-san.

Hatori: *annoyed* Do you even hear what I say?

Rick: Buh?

"sure thing dr. sohma" rana said...

Sasha: It’s sad when we’ve become desensitized to the fact she keeps using ellipses as periods, right?

Haru: I’m going to say that it’s because there’s only so many jokes you can make from that before somebody MST’s US.

the pair sat down and ate some sushi that rana brought for lunch.

Rick: Wait, what? There really can’t be --

Hatori: Look at the next line.

Rick: But … *does so*

only eating about what seem to be a small amount of food

Sasha: This fic really has to stop beating us to the punch at random.

Haru: It’s tricky…

Hatori: Or it’s dangerously toxic that it’s started it’s own ridiculously moronic social structure.

rana was full and enjoyed her glass of tea after. "you only ate a small amount of her lunch" hatori said as he grabbed the box and threw it away...

Skye: But there was only a small amount to begin with…

Sasha: Ha’ri, you really have to stop grabbing things and throwing them away at random.

Hatori: I apologize. It seems I can barely control my rage. *finds the box of cigarettes, and lights one up*

"yes i'm just wasn't really hungry" rana said...

Rick: Which isn’t particularly good habit for a nurse to have. I mean, you need your strength to put up with all the crap that isn’t worth a doctor’s time.

Haru: I suppose she’s watching her figure so she can forget Haa-san gave her a uniform and come to work dressed like a slut.

Skye: Doesn’t everybody do that?

"you sure" hatori said..

"yes i'm fine thank you for asking" rana said with a smile on her face...

Hatori: You’re welcome. It seems I haven’t forgotten my manners, rather they’re working backwards from when something sucked my brain out.

Sasha: *helpfully* Maybe it was Shigure-sensei.

"so dr. sohma how old are you?" rana asked..

Skye: *aghast* You never ask an emotionally scarred seahorse his age!

"twenty-seven" hatori said...

"whoa your my friends' age" rana said...

Rick: Is that bad?

"is that bad" hatori asked...

Rick: Damn it, Fic!Hatori, stop stealing my lines!

Hatori: If an idiotic incarnation of myself is “stealing” your jokes, doesn’t that clue you in they weren’t that good to begin with?

Rick: *whimpers* You’re so mean!

Hatori: …

"no i'm sorry that's a very good age i'm just surprised that your not married" rana said...

Skye: Ignoring the fact that women are marrying later and later?

Haru: Your earth logic has no place here.

"..." hatori said when his face kinda turned alittle red...

Sasha: (Hatori) I tried that once and it isn’t as cool as it looks.

Rick: Before I follow up, “Kinda turned a little red”? Wasn’t he sure?

Skye: You can never be too sure. I mean, can you even see a smile in a frown?

"i'm sorry i guess it's time for me to leave" rana said...as she looked at her watch...

"yes i so" hatori said as he frowned again...

Hatori: But I was secretly rejoicing inside.

Haru: “Yes I so” ? What … I just … *sputters*

Sasha: You know, I know I can skip over words when I write, but when I read the sentence again, I usually catch the mistake before I post it online.

"well i'm going to meet tohru and take her to the store with kisa. want to come?" rana said...

Rick: Way to shove it into Haa-san’s face that he’s old.

Hatori: Please stop trying to fit in with the Sohma family. Despite the fact I made the mistake of hiring you. I will enjoy seeing Akito’s first meeting with you.

"..." hatori said...

Skye: (Hatori) I apologize, but I have a date with Shigure.

Sasha: (Hatori) I’m afraid I actually have work to do, because I am, you know, a doctor.

"i mean if you have nothing to do" rana said...

Rick: Psch, Haa-san having something to do? Why the very idea! I mean, he’s lazier than Shigure-sensei!

"why not?" hatori said...

Hatori: … *face palms* … *takes a hard drag on his cigarette*

"great come on" rana said...

"what are you doing?" hatori said as he saw rana reach over to her blouse and start to unbotton it...

Skye: (Rana) I’m stripping. Jeez, what does it look like? Have you even seen a naked woman before?

Rick: (Hatori) *indignant* Yes, and she was prettier than you.

Sasha: If she had to “reach over to her blouse” wouldn’t that mean her arms wrapped around herself to get to her blouse?

Haru: I could have sworn she wasn’t even wearing a blouse when she came in.

"ohhh! don't worrt dr. sohma" rana said as she unbottoned the last one and took off the blouse from which was covering another somewhat small top..

All: Ahaa…….. *groan*

"ohhh i'm sorry for thinking unpleasantly" hatori said as he uncovered his eyes...

Rick: When did he cover them?

Sasha: Somewhere in between her taking it off and us banging our heads on the seats.

"here you want to drive" rana asked...

" i guess since you don't know where tohru and kisa live.." hatori said..as he took the car keys...

Haru: But, she does know where Tohru lives. She met everybody for the first time at Sensei’s house.

Skye: Shhhh, we’re not supposed to remember that far back!

"here get in" hatori said as he opened the door for rana...

Sasha: And then he slammed the door on her fingers.

"thank you" rana said as she got in her car..

"okay let's go" hatori said...

Rick: Bow chicka bow bow chika bow wakka chika! *bobs head*

-

All: … ?

Haru: What the hell is that?

Sasha: A well deserved minus sign.

Hatori: I couldn’t agree more. Except, there should be a lot more.

Skye: In red marker.

after about ten mins. in the car driving to shigure's house.

Sasha: I … there are just no words.

Rick: And the chapter’s not even over yet!

rana and hatori got out of the car and walked up to the door. only ringing the bell once,

Skye: Because the Sohma’s maintenance guy was really late in repairing it and it just stopped working.

which was enough because momiji hyperactively opened the door for the visitors.."hello hatori-san" momiji said...

Sasha: Momiji calls him “Ha’ri” like I do…

Rick: How many times must we say it? Details and logic have no place here!

"hello momiji" hatori greeted...

"hi there" rana said...

"well. well it's seems that the doctor and nurse are getting along quiet well" shigure said..

Haru: You know, this would be grounds for more attacks, but honestly, everybody’s always over at Sensei’s house.

Skye: Including you, so you can hit on Yuki and then Tohru to make Yuki upset.

Haru: *grins* I didn’t exclude myself from it.

"hatori-san what are you doing here" tohru said...

Hatori: I’ve lost my mind and all sense of reason.

"miss niwa invited me" hatori said...

Hatori: My previous statement still stands, and now acts as a translation.

"rana-san we can go" tohru said as kisa followed behind her...

"be a man haa-san and don't do anything you will regret" shigure said..

by that saying hatori just gave shigure a death glare..

All: *Awe*

Sasha: Wow.. That was an in character exchange!

Rick: I’m impressed!

Haru: So am I …

Skye: I’m kind of scared.

-

Hatori: I’m beginning to really like those minus signs…

about a hour later in the store while being asked the dumbest question from both tohru and rana.

Rick: Oh good, even the authoress has made the distinction that Rana is an idiot!

Sasha: I actually like Tohru. Sure she seems flaky, but everybody in the Sohma house leans on her for emotional support and I’m frankly surprised she hasn’t had a mental breakdown from all their problems.

the fun began when rana asked hatori what he might of wanted or had been interested with. never being asked that he simply said acouple of choiced words..

Hatori: I like peace, quiet, solitary confinement, being away from her…

Skye: She meant who you wanted or were interested in, Haa-san.

Hatori: That’s not what the sentence says, and I will interpret it anyway I please.

Haru: Unfortunately, that’s about the only thing you can deduce from those two lines. I can’t pick out much else.

Rick: Not like the entire FIC has had anything to do with ANYTHING.

"mmm..what?!" hatori said...

"well you don't seem to talk very much. so i'm asking what you may want" rana said...

Sasha: So what makes you think he’ll respond to something so incredibly private?

Skye: Just because she’s so speshul.

"thank you for the thought, but i'm really okay" hatori said...

Rick: (Hatori) I’m so okay I’m gay!

"here i'll buy you these pants and collared shirt" rana said...

Haru: A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, not his wardrobe.

Hatori: Depends on the man. *puffs on his cigarette*

"no really i'm fine" hatori said...

"please dr. sohma i want to get it for you, because your very nice to me" rana said...

Sasha: (Rana) Not because they’ll be on you very long because I really want to screw you senseless on your bed and you really don’t seem to be getting my hints even though they’re the size of a commuter train and hi!

"fine" hatori said as he seemed to be begged to death..

Skye: SEEMED to be begged to death?

Haru: Because, really, who could have told that was happening if we weren’t given the information so delicately?

"YAY! thank you. now what do you think of this" rana said as she held up a see through night gown..

"huh!..." hatori said as he puffed into his seahorse form...

Sasha: Wow, somebody actually remembered that if they get extremely embarrassed or excited, they turn into their animal forms!

Rick: I love that just seeing the nightgown was enough for him to turn into a seahorse.

"where did dr. sohma go?" rana said...

Hatori: *dryly* I went for a swim.

tohru ran over to hatori and quickly put him in her water, and folding his clothes...

"i think he ran to the little boy's room" kisa said as she quickly filled in for him...

Haru: *laughs* Kisa, you’re so cute.

Skye: And pretty swift.

Sasha: Well, come on. The kids seem to have more going on upstairs than the adults half the time.

"okay, but he can run pretty fast" rana said...as she realized the bathroom was on the second floor..

Rick: But … you’ve never seen him run in the 24 hours or whatever you’ve known him.

Haru: Maybe she imagined this.

Hatori: I wish I could imagine this is happening. But then, I will wonder when I turned into a masochist.

Sasha: …probably when you didn’t hang yourself during your high school days with Shigure-sensei and Ayame-sama.

"what happened anyway?" tohru questioned...

"well. let's see here i kinda forced him for me to buy him a pair of clothes, and then i showed him this night gown" rana explained...

Hatori: She could very well buy those clothes for me, but I won’t wear them.

Rick: I swear, your closet must have identical pairs of shirts and slacks.

Skye: He’s a very straight-laced doctor. What did you expect? A shiny metallic tank top?

Rick: Now there’s something nobody would expect.

Haru: Like the Spanish Inquisition?

tohru and kisa both giggles at why hatori had turned into his animal form..

"rana are you going to get that personal dress" tohru said..

Sasha: Personal dress? Tohru, it’s a nightgown. Even if it was lingerie, they’re in the wrong place to buy that!

Hatori: The fact I even hired a nurse should have been a red flag going up. I don’t think I could be surprised at anything anymore.

Rick: And to think, we still have like four chapters of this to go!

"well i guess so" rana said...

"hey kisa. can i get you anything for being so adorable" rana said...

Skye: Here’s the thing. If it’s the same person talking, it can BE ON THE SAME LINE.

Haru: I’m all for breaking the mould in terms of writing styles, but this is a lot of crappy and not a lot of original.

she simply nodded her head, and pointed to a golden necklace. which had a tiger on it. and the other ones were a bunch of the chinese zodiac creatures...

Sasha: What are the odds?!

Rick: Eleventy billion to one that any of this isn’t contrite?

"isn't that pretty" rana said as she asked the clerk if he could take out the piece of children's jewelary...

Hatori: (Clerk) I’m afraid you aren’t allowed to take apart the pieces of jewellery in the store until you have purchased it.

Skye: How much longer is this going to go ON?

"here you go ma'am" the tall man said...

"kisa it's very beautiful on you" rana said...

"thank you" kisa said as she hugged her...

"now tohru what do you want" rana said...

"what? your asking me" tohru said...

Sasha: Now, I’m all for dialogue advancing the story, but this is overdoing it, don’t you think?

Rick: It looks like she used up her punctuation quota on the ellipses and could only afford a question mark at the first part of that.

"yes silly" rana said...

"well if you don't mind i'll take the cat" tohru said..as she pointed to it...

Skye: Oh the symbolism!

Hatori: *idly* I suspect it’s rather lost on her.

"okay sir can i have that cat necklace and that seahorse necklace also" rana said...

"okay" the man said...

Haru: (Man) Even though that’s a dragon. Jeez, kids today don’t even do their research on this legend! Who the heck heard of a seahorse in the Chinese Zodiac?

"mmm. sir can i buy everything here" rana said...

"yes ma'am" the man said...

Rick: Of course he isn’t going to be against her buying out the entire store!

Sasha: Wow, she’s pretty loaded if she can do that.

"okay everyone put your gifts on the table and you will get them after i buy them" rana said..as tohru and kisa both slid the necklaces to the clerk..

"and your total is one thousand. two hundred and eighy three dollars. will that be cash or check" the man asked...

Sasha: Buh? But she only bought the shirt, the pants, the nightgown, and the three necklaces. If anything, that should be in the hundreds of dollars, but not … thousands.

"whoa rana you don't have to buy us it" tohru said as she saw the price of just one golden necklace...

Sasha: Alright, if they’re real gold, but even then, it would have to be like huge, and encrusted with diamonds for to push it into the thousand dollar range…

Rick: Sash, just give up.

Hatori: First intelligent thing you’ve said since we sat down.

Rick: XP

"don't worry tohru i promised you that necklace and i have the money to pay for it" rana said as she gave the clerk her credit card...which was black and had red dragons on it...

Haru: Alright, we get it. She likes dragons and therefore is Hatori’s one true love, who can make him forget that he ever knew Kana and can make his entire past and present seem like happiness and flowers.

"here ma'am" the clerk said..as he gave her card back...

Sasha: (Clerk) It was rejected.

Rick: (Clerk) It’s also ugly.

Skye: (Clerk) Actually…*snips it in half* There you go! ^^

"thank you now let's go" rana said...as she stopped realizing she left her boss in the bathroom...

Hatori: Lovely. I have now become an afterthought.

"tohru i'm going to check the bathrooms for a min. i'll be right back please watch kisa" rana said as she ran upstairs..

Rick: Wait, what? Where the hell are you going? She can’t even go into the men’s washroom even if she wanted to…

Skye: *pats Rick’s head*

"okay hatori-san you can change back" tohru said as she place the seahorse on his clothes...

Haru: The time it takes to change back isn’t determined by us, it just kind of happens. Hence the reason why we have to avoid it at all costs when we’re outside of the estate.

Sasha: I’m going to quote you and remind you that Logic and Details have no place here.

afew moments later. hatori puffed back into his human form. quickly putting on his clothes. he dusted his jacket off and stood by tohru and kisa.

Rick: In the middle of the department store or wherever the hell they are?

Skye: Haa-san! I had no idea you were so…shameless.

Hatori: *dryly* Shigure has rubbed off one me in that respect.

while rana ran back with a surprised look on her face.

Haru: (Rana) Hwwaahhhh! Naked man! *nosebleed*

"ohhh your already back" rana said...

"..." hatori said as he stared into her eyes...

Sasha: (Hatori) I KEEL YOU.

Rick: (Hatori/Terminator) Hasta la vista, baby! *gun clicks*

"okay i'm going to take that as a yes.." rana said...

Skye: Heh, she’s already starting to make up answers for his response.

Haru: Ah, true love.

"my necklace" kisa said as she grabbed at the air..

Sasha: Kisa! You have better manners than that! Hiro is the one that behaves like that.

Hatori: … don’t forget Shigure.

"okay i promised you one and your going to get it" rana said..as she dug through her shopping bag..

"here kisa and you too tohru" rana said..

"thank you rana" tohru said..

"..." kisa said as she hugged her again...

Haru: Such thrilling conversation!

Rick: And watch, as Kisa slowly turns into our beloved anti-social, emotionally scarred brilliant doctor! ^_^

"what's that kisa" hatori said as he bent down...

Skye: You’d think you’d be able to identify a necklace, Haa-san.

Hatori: This is not me.

"miss rana bought tohru and me a pretty necklace.." kisa said as she brought out the little tiger necklace. same with tohru.

Haru: Tohru got a mangy cat necklace.

Sasha: Well, a tiger is just a really big exotic cat…*Grins*

Haru: Ha, ha. =P

"hey! rana which one did you get" tohru said..as she hooked hers from the back and showed off her new cat necklace...

"i love dragons so i chose the closest thing to it. the 'seahorse'."rana said as she showed it to them...

All: *face palm*

Rick: Gee, I never realized she liked dragons. Between the credit card, the purse, and her clothes, what are the odds?

"..." hatori had widen eyes...

Sasha: Eye. You can only see one.

Skye: He falls into your category of men you like that have one eye and that smoke.

Sasha: …Phoenix didn’t smoke.

Skye: Yes, but he had one eye.

Sasha: I refuse to concede.

"do you like it dr. sohma" rana said..

"let's go" tohru said as she looked at the time...

Haru: Way to break the tension, Tohru.

Hatori: How convenient.

"yes it's getting late and kisa's mother is picking her up today." hatori said as he refocused his train of thought...

Rick: (Hatori) Focus! Focus! Grrr! Argh!

Skye: Which quickly derailed once he saw down Rana’s shirt.

as the group walked to the car. rana started to cry in the middle of the road. thank god that there was no cars coming at the time.

All: …. ?

"rana why are you crying" tohru asked...

Sasha: That’s a good question. What the hell is wrong with her now?

"well. tohru your becoming more like a dauther then a friend" rana said as she tried to not cry...

Skye: You’ve only known them for one DAY. Now I’ve heard of getting connected to people you’ve only just met but this is ridiculous!

Rick: I like to think the kids are just fleecing her.

"...." tohru said as she hugged rana and joined in on her crying...

Haru: Great, now they’re all crying.

"please tohru i want to treat you like a dauther. can i do that?" rana said as she looked up...

Hatori: I would hope you have the wits about you to say no, like I hope, Tohru-san.

"yes and i'll look up to you as a mother" tohru said as they stood up and stopped their crying..

Sasha: But WHY? Your mother was so kick ass! Where the hell are Uo and Hana? Why aren’t they here to beat the crap out of Rana?

Rick: Sash, why doesn’t anything in this fic make any canonical sense?

"are you okay miss niwa" hatori said..

"yes i'm fine" rana said...

Haru: Because that was convincing.

Skye: I know I’m convinced! The fact she had to split Rana’s lines so that we could fully grasp the emotional scene going on here just cinched it for me.

"really l'm okay" rana said as she felt a hand come on her shoulder...

Sasha: It was Hatori’s hand, and it soon smacked her across the face for creating such a spectacle and bringing such attention to the Sohma’s.

Hatori: *runs a hand through his longish hair, and rolls his eye* If only.

they got to the car and hatori started to drive as tohru and rana wiped their tears from their faces...after dropping off tohru and kisa it was just hatori and rana.

Haru: Why has nobody asked what the hell happened in the street?

"why do you want to treat tohru like a dauther" hatori asked trying not to make her cry again...

Skye: Well there you go, Haru. Hatori’s swift and picked up on the story right away.

Hatori: It seems anything can set her off, so if she cries, she can’t fault me.

Rick: Women always find a way…

"well you really want to know" rana said...

Hatori: I would assume yes, if that is what I asked.

"yeah i want to know a lot about you. if you would like to talk about them" hatori said..

Sasha: …talk about who?

Haru: You know, them.

Skye: Gah! Not THEM. They’re everywhere! *hides behind Hatori*

Hatori: *annoyed* Stop that.

"when i was about five. my mother took me horse back riding and we enjoyed our time under the sun. until she stopped her horse and got off to slip my foot back in. there was a strange noise that made the horses seem to jump and run crazily.

Rick: Crazily?

Sasha: Was it CRAZY GARY OLDMAN?

Rick: Sadly, I don’t think so.

being tackled and trampled several times. i watched my mother die in amatter of seconds. soon to fly off my horse, and landing on a wrong place for now i can't have children.

Skye: I’d like to point something out here. Despite the fact this is a really long paragraph and we’re going through it a couple lines at a time, this is seriously where the next sentence begins.

Haru: Oh, so this is why she fell to her knees and cried in the street.

Sasha: Don’t you think that’s stretching it, just a little?

it's seems strange, but after seeing my mother die and losing the ability to produce. i looked up at the sky, and saw a cloud formed like a dragon and whatever changed my mind. it gave me strength to get up and run to my mother.

Rick: Wait, what? So like, she saw her mom die, and found out she couldn’t have children anymore and .. Then she saw a dragon and got the courage to run over to her mother that was already dead and … mrrr?

Hatori: There are so many things wrong with this. I’d like to have a word with her doctor and refer her to a psychiatrist, but I don’t care that much.

the last thing she said to me "was to tell daddy that she was in a better place, and to follow my father's rules" and her last thing she could say was to have a big family and a loving husband..." rana explained to hatori...

Sasha: Now that’s even more ridiculous. How could the last thing she said to her, which is pretty final, be “tell your dad I’m in a better place, and follow your father’s rules” AND to have a big family and a loving family?

Skye: Maybe she said it all in one big breath?

Haru: I don’t even think she could speak for that long being trampled by a horse and died within seconds…

"it's so sad miss niwa" hatori said...

Rick: (Hatori) Really, too sad. But I can beat that: I had a fiancée. We were happy, she was pretty, but then, the head of my house flew into a jealous rage when I told him that I wanted to marry her. He flung a vase at my face, severely damaged my eye, AND convinced my fiancee that it was all her fault and I had remove all memories of me from her. Beat THAT, bitch.

"yes and what was strange is that this all happened on my birthday" rana said..

Sasha: Oh whatever. *Groans* Can’t it just be a normal person meeting them? I mean, come on!

"go ahead and cry for it seems that your so sad" hatori said...

Hatori: I mean “pathetic” not “tragic”.

"..." rana said as she dug her head into his chest..trying so hard not to transform. hatori tried to control his zodiac form from being shown to her..

Haru: That’s got to be hard, considering her arms must be around him, and thus, you know, it’s a hug and boom! Seahorse.

Skye: Oh hell, why not just show it to her and have her be mentally scarred? I mean, you two haven’t even known each other that long…

"it's okay" hatori said as he grabbed her and gave her a hanky to wipe her tears...

Hatori: Since when do I carry around a handkerchief?

Rick: Since now. Duh.

" yes it's fine to go now living that now i have a great new boss and a bunch of great friends" rana said as hatori started the car again...

Sasha: No, what you did was worm your way into canon in what has to be the stupidest, most contrived and badly thought out way possible.

Skye: In short, what every pre-teen Mary Sue Author does when trying to get into the pants of our great Doctor.

Hatori: …

after he drove himself home and said good bye and good night to rana.

Rick: He promptly killed himself for being such an idiot.

other then good bye being his last words they were "are you okay to drive in your state. cause i could drive you back to your house"...

Haru: What? Just let her drive home and if she just happens to wrap herself around a telephone pole, is there really anything on your conscience?

Hatori: In this alternate universe where I am quite possibly a bigger idiot than Shigure and Ayame combined, anything is possible.

"thank you, but i'm okay, and i'll see you tomorrow okay" rana said...as she waved good bye...

Sasha: And then, she promptly walked into a wall that she totally didn’t see coming.

Rick: That was so weak.

Sasha: They can’t all be golden lines, you know!

TBC....

Haru: Well I can assure YOU I’m on the edge of my seat for chapter 2.

Skye: I’m sure not.

Hatori: I’m leaving. *gets up and leaves*

Sasha: Bye Ha’ri! ^_^

Rick: You’ll be back for chapter 2, doctor man! No matter how far you run, you’ll find yourself back here! ^___^

Hatori: *Groans as he closes the door behind him*

=END=



Author's notes: If there were any references you didn't get, feel free to review and question them, I'll be sure to explain my insanity. ^_^