Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Punishment ❯ Treading a Tougher Path ( Chapter 9 )

Punishment
Chapter 9: Treading A Tougher Path * * * * *

Did you come here lamenting what you missed?

Overcome and seduced by this, the beautiful abyss.

I tried to change.

* * * * *

       Saki arrived at her home by 6:30AM, shivering slightly in Haru’s jacket. She stood at the door and reached into her pocket for her keys. Instead of feeling the desired object, she felt a folded piece of paper. Then she realized that she remembered she wasn’t wearing her cloak - she had left that behind, including her keys.

       She rested her head against the glass portion of the screen door in defeat, running her fingers through her hair in a low-effort attempt to smooth it. Well, that takes out the possibility of being able to sneak into the house without being noticed.

       The sound of the wooden door behind the outer screen caused her to start. Her mother stood behind the glass, her car keys in hand and a worn out expression on her face. Saki stepped back and pulled the screen open.

       “Saki-chan,” her mother said, shaking her head. “Where in heaven’s name have you been all night? Coming home at such an hour, this isn’t like you!”

       Yes, it must be my turn to play the sycophant. She smiled to her mother for a moment, knowing that she would have to be quite coy to pull this off. “I’m sorry, Mother. I was at Tohru’s home studying for an upcoming test.” She hated lying like this, but she held back the remorseful emotion to maintain a blank face.

       Following in his footsteps. Indifference works wonders to hide all blemishes.

       “It got really late, and I was so tired from studying. I fell asleep at the -”

       “You’re lying,” her mother interrupted. “I looked in your phone book. I called both Uotani-san and Honda-san, and you were not at either location. What were you thinking, Saki-chan? That I wouldn’t find out? I certainly hope that you aren’t getting into trouble with any boys.”

       Saki walked past her into the house.

       “Saki!” With the drop of the loving suffix, Saki knew she had to turn around. Family law.

       “Yes, Mother?”

       “I’ m trying to watch out for you, that’s why I drove you to school everyday last year. What are you trying to do this year? You stopped attending religious functions with the rest of us, your family! You failed a course for the first time after ignoring my request that you find a tutor. You had said that you had it under control. And lately you leave to walk to school before I even wake up to drive you.”

       “That is because - ”

       “Saki-chan, Saki-chan. I don’t know if you think that you don’t need me anymore. But you’re still a child, and I know you must still feel trapped by those voices. I don’t need you to be out running around, getting into mischief. Things have a way of getting out of hand quickly when it comes to you, and I don’t want a repeat of what happened at your old school.”

       Childish. Trapped. Running Away. I’m not like that anymore. I swear I’ve changed.

       “You always wanted me to be more normal, didn’t you? I am becoming reckless like they are, and you do not like it?” Saki asked; quietly, softly, cynically - all in one.

       Her subdued question was ignored. “I don’t want you to pull any stunts like this again, do you hear me?”

       “I don’t hear them.”

       “Par don me?” Her mother stared at her, traces of confusion found in her expression.

       “I don’t hear the voices as much as I used to. I do have control unlike before.” She released the information from her lips, repeating it to herself like a mantra. “Yes, I have control. For sure, I will not run away and be trapped by them.” She walked out of the room and heard an audible sigh as she climbed the stairs.

       “I’m going to the store. You’d better not leave the house; I’ll be back in about half an hour.” Her voice called up as she heard the front door slam. * * * * *

I know I'll be alright if I make it through tonight.

I swear I'll try to change once again.

For you. Or maybe for me.

* * * * *

       Tohru stood in front of the kitchen cupboard, her hands clasped in anticipation. It was very early in the morning, but she had plans for that day. She sung softly to herself as she pulled out dishes to hold her masterpiece of a breakfast - a meal that she had specifically chosen for a certain member of the household.

       She could only hope that he wouldn’t wake up and ruin the surprise. He always woke up before Shigure, and most definitely before Yuki. She rushed to the table with a large, glass serving dish covered in salmon, cod, and tuna flavoured rice balls. His favourite kinds.

       They were to soften the blow. As much as her heart had wanted to return Kyou’s feelings, she felt that it was for the best to maintain their friendly relationship. She didn’t want to destroy the atmosphere between her and the other inhabitants of the household. After he confessed to her, she had realized that she felt more than friendship for him...but that would make things difficult in the house, wouldn’t it? Her mind was buzzing.

       “Hey, you’re certainly,” - a crash interrupted the sentence - “up... early.”

       “I’m sorry!” Tohru cried out instantly. “Don’t move or you might cut yourself!” She flew around him picking up the pieces of the dish she had dropped in her surprise, accidentally squishing some rice beneath her toes. She reached down and removed some small pieces that were around his feet with haste.

       “Tohru!” Kyou barked. “Don’t use your hands to do that, dummy. You’re going to slice your fingers if you keep that up.” He knelt down and grabbed one of her hands before she could pick up anymore to inspect it. “See? You’ve already got a piece of glass in your pinky finger.”

       “But it’s okay! I’ve got to pick up the rest before anyone steps on it.”

       “Stop worrying about that for now. I’ll sweep it up in a few minutes. Sit here.” he ordered gruffly but kindly, a small, amused smile visible on his face.

       She sat down on one of the low stools. “Now, stay here and don’t move. I’ll be right back.” He poked her nose then left the room for a minute. He came back armed with a set of tweezers, disinfectant and cotton swabs.

       She stared at him incredulously as he concentrated with her small hand clamped in his left hand’s grasp as his right used the tweezers carefully. She watched his eyes flicker between her hand and herself every once in a while, and she felt her heart race.

       “Are you catching something? Your face is a little flushed.”

       Her free hand rushed to her face to cover it. She managed to muster, “No, it’s nothing! Don’t worry about me, I feel bad enough that you are worrying so much about my hand right now.” She fretted silently in her head as she studied the way his hair shifted as he dedicated his skill to saving her pinky from the sliver of glass. It hurt a little as he dabbed on the disinfectant, but she clenched her other hand and willed the pain away.

       After a few minutes, the piece of glass had been removed and her finger was packaged nicely in a pink bandaid.

       Kyou could only make a sour face as he imagined what Yuki would have done in an exaggerated onstage production in his mind.

       “There you are, Princess Tohru. I’ll watch over you and make sure that you stay out of harms way.” That characteristic charming smile would be shown. Typical.

       “Oh, Yuki! My prince. I love you, very much so.” Tohru would gush, then give him a hug. Of course, since their love was so pure, it would magically break the curse. Yeah, wouldn’t that be splendid. Grr, that would not do at all, he decided. Kyou lived out another strange fantasy in his head as he worked. Instead of the Tohru being the one breaking the curse, Tohru’d be the one breaking his heart. That’d be better. Much better. Kyou’s internal thoughts turned the scowl he was trying to hide into a grin.

       Kyou picked up the remaining cotton swabs in his hand and stood up. “You’re done. Don’t be such an idiot next time.” Okay, so that wasn’t exactly eloquent. At all.

       “Right!” Tohru said, nodding in assent, taking no offense in his words. “Please sit down Kyou-kun, I’ve made you breakfast. Though you’ll have to wait for me to bring new rice balls. They’ve been...detained.” She smiled as she reached for the broom in the corner of the room.

       Without sitting down, he took the broom from her hands. “I told you I’d clean it up didn’t I?”

       “Ah, I guess you did, but I was the one who - ”

       He lifted a finger to his lips, and she fell silent. “That’s right.”

       He started sweeping and she felt warm. She beamed as she hurried to the kitchen counter and retrieved the soup for their breakfast.

       “Hey, Tohru,” Kyou said tentatively.

       She stopped in mid step, the pot of soup in hand.

       “Did you think about what I asked you?” Kyou asked, nervous feelings quite apparent. He wanted to get the questions out of the way so he could stop feeling nervous that Shigure would come in and tease him.

       Tohru stared at the pot of soup, her eyes falling to the bandaid which had been lovingly applied by him, then raised her gaze back up to him. “Yes, I have. I... I... let’s sit down.” She faced away from him, her face reddening as she held back threatening tears. * * * * *

I never wanted to be a simple man.

I'd rather live all my days as a lion than a thousand as a lamb.

I only wanted to see what would happen to me

if I followed the road that leads to the palace we all seek.

* * * * *

       Haru was unable to sleep after Saki left, so he puttered away at the homework, punching numbers into his calculator. The answer was still not matching the answer key. Just what the heck was he doing wrong? He glanced over to the empty half of the table. Where was Saki when he needed her? He wondered if she had discovered his secret message yet. He grinned a little to himself, then remembered the daunting book in front of him. Ugh.

       He couldn’t concentrate. He could hear a faint buzzing sound coming from somewhere. It was very light, but when he didn’t have the radio on, he could really notice it.

       ‘I’m giving myself excuses to be distracted.’ he shook his head.

       “Haru,” a voice startled him. A figure appeared in the doorway, brushing his hair out of his eyes. Annoyance was clearly audible through his tone. “You know that Akito would not approve of a young outsider - and a woman, no less - staying overnight at any residence on the Sohma property.”

       “I wouldn’t have expected that it would be acceptable.” His pen moved in circles against the page without leaving a mark. “Something’s wrong my pen,” Haru mumbled. “Ah, did Hiro finally reel in a catch? What ever will Kisa say?”

       Haru’s visitor sighed. “You know what I’m talking about. I don’t want to play games with you.”

       Hatsuharu carelessly looked up from his desk. “No? Not even cards? Rich man, poor man? Rummy? Go Fish?”

       “Listen, I have certain matters to attend to. The girl I saw this morning running across the compound, if she’s important to you, you will make the right choice. Get out of this tangle now, matters can only get worse for us. I’m living proof. As the members of the Zodiac, we have no privacy. Everything can be found out.”

       Akito is not God.

       The man closed the door behind him as he left the room.

       Haru, sitting in front of his open textbooks, stared at the wall in front of him. The weak buzzing continued overhead. His pen continued to circle listlessly against the paper.

       His hand abruptly stopped as his back straightened. Black ink splattered against his skin as the plastic casing cracked beneath his fingers. “Dammit, Hatori, what do you want me to do? Akito is not God!”

       Plastic shards fell to the floor as he stood up. He swept his homework off the table and into the air. Traces of ink embedded themselves into dents from his fists as he struck against the only available surfaces. “Akito is not God!” A pile of books crashed to the floor from a shelf which fell from its brackets.

       His white personality began to reemerge, and he sat down amidst the chaos which he himself had created. The feeling of temporary displacement fled quickly, leaving only the word, “Saki,” on his breath as he rested his head into his palm. * * * * *

Did you come here lamenting what you missed?

Overcome and seduced by this, the beautiful abyss.

You're like a shadow that swallows life who is crawling over me.

* * * * *

       Tohru led the way to the table and Kyou followed her. She smiled a little as she spooned some of the soup she had made just for him into a bowl and passed it to him. The she obtained some for herself, and set down the ladle. She brought her spoon to her lips painfully slow, giving her mind a chance to catch up with her emotions.

       “I want to be selfish, just this once, when it comes to love.”
Inner-Tohru wagged her finger gently, the imaginary movement matching each syllable. “It’s not worth it.”
“Do you really think that?”
“Yes! This path is not easy. It doesn’t guaranty safety.”
“Does any relationship guaranty safety?”
“Good point.”
“I want to be with him and embrace all of him.”
“I...I do too. I do too... ...Mom? Please help me.”
//“Tohru, you should do things your own way. Take or miss the chances of success in a way that makes you most comfortable.”//

       Tohr u squinted her eyes and jolted backwards in her seat a little as her tongue touched the liquid soup. “Ah, hot!”

       Kyou looked at her awkwardly from the other side of the table. “A....Are you okay?” He stood up in his seat momentarily until she smiled.

       Embarrassed, Tohru set down her utensil. “Sorry,” she said meekly. She suddenly looked up from her soup with determination.

       “I have been thinking about it a lot these past few days. I’m having a hard time though. When I started my day, I was planning on running away from this entire situation by saying no. But...the longer I stay by your side, the harder it is to ignore my feelings.”

       “Tohru, ” he frowned a little, and crossed his arms over his chest expecting the negative “but,” part of her confession to appear.”

       “But Kyou-kun, I... I want to be with you.”

       Kyou jumped up in his seat, knocking his soup over in the process. Ignoring it, he rubbed his ears. “Tohru?”

       She came around the table and sat next to him. “Yes, you didn’t imagine it,” Tohru teased kindly. She leaned forward, his eyes widening momentary, and wrapped her arms around him. She caught the orange cat which had appeared in his place and held him close.

       With a bad case of the kitty-blush only Kyou was able to emit, Kyou yelped, “Tohru!”

       She smiled brightly. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist!” She set him down onto the floor, giggling a little. “This is the second time we’ve had to clean this floor today.”

       “I could have helped if you hadn’t transformed me,” he grumbled a little. “That time it was my fault.”

       “No, no, no!” she said with a grin. “You cleaned up when I dropped the plate, I’ll clean up when you spill your soup. It can be our thing.” Suddenly she changed her voice into a gruffer tone. “Now, stay here and don’t move. I’ll be right back,” she said, copying the words he had said to her earlier.

       It was Kyou’s turn to grin, his good mood radiating from his fur.

       She reemerged equipped with a mop and bucket. “Seems like this is going to be a messy relationship,” she admitted, pushing the mop across the spill.

       “Hope that’s not a metaphor for our situation.” Kyou grimaced.

       “Even if it is, we can always clean up again,” she beamed at her own cleverness. Dipping the mop into the buck again, she asked modestly, “Ne, Kyou-kun...can we wait to tell the others a little bit? I don’t know how to tell them yet....”

       Before he could answer, Shigure sauntered into the room and saw the two place settings on the table. “Oh, my little wife has forgotten about me! I need to be taken care of too.” Shigure pouted.

       “Shi-Shigure-san ! I’m so sorry!” She set down the mop and went into the kitchen to get more bowls. And to finish those poor, abandoned rice balls.

       “Shigure!” Kyou’s fur stood on end. “Don’t make me come over there!”

       “Oh ho ho, so you can scratch me, Kyou-who-is-a-cat?” Shigure waved a hand jovially. “You and Tohru must have been embracing in the kitchen of love, yes?”

       Kyou’s orange face turned red once again. “Don’t say things like that, dammit!” Oh, how he wished he was human at that very moment. Flying fists of fury would be headed his way.

       “Kyou’s in love with a highschool girl,” he sang out of tune, unknowing that the “embrace in the kitchen of love”, as he so vibrantly put it, had really occurred.

       Yuki wobbled into the noisy kitchen in his typical morning garb. “Transformed so early, stupid cat?” he mumbled as he instinctively grabbed for the milk carton.

       “Shut up,” Kyou retorted as he padded out of the room. So quietly that no one could hear he murmured, “just wait til you find out about me and Tohru.” * * * * *

Innocence is a face that always lies.

Innocence is a wish for some, but it's something I can't buy.

What are you trying to prove?

So many mountains to move.

And all your demons are heaven sent, my lost cathartik friend.

* * * * *

       For the first time, she had lied to her mother. Saki felt sick to her stomach, knowing that her mother really was just looking out for her. She frowned. She collapsed on her bed and stuffed her hands in the pockets of Haru’s jacket again.

       She felt the piece of paper again. Normally she would have ignored it, but she was sure that it was there for a reason.

       She pulled it out and read the characters she recognized as Hatsuharu’s messy scrawl. It was addressed to her formally. He must have planned for me to take the jacket with me all along, she mused.

       MThanks for a great time, Saki-chan. I won’t forget it. Our little secrets, of course.

       A tiny crease at the corner of Saki’s mouth crinkled - she was smiling. She reread the brusque letter in her hands before folding it into four quarters. She opened an old remedial geography notebook she had abandoned years before and tucked the note between the pages. The book was returned to its original place to live out the rest of its natural life as a potential storage place for many notes to come.

       She pulled out a piece of paper and with a black pen wrote, Likewise, I’m sure. I don’t believe that I could ever forget, with flourish. She tucked the new note inside the sleeve of the jacket for him to discover upon its return.

       Even with happiness brought on by the surprise note, a large portion of herself was upset that she had angered her mother. To get her mind off the arguments that they had been happening as of late, she spent most of her day lying on her bed while listening to music. Classical sounds floated out majestically into the room. She flipped through an old album of pressed flowers she had collected as a child as the resounding notes filled the air with an ever-changing mood. One moment the air filled with a stringed orchestra before they were interrupted by booming sounds of brass instruments taking centre stage.

       Each page she turned contained a variety of types of flowers, all preserved in a plastic lining, some dwelling alongside matching, flat ribbons to accentuate their beauty. “Flowers for my little flower,” her grandmother had always said to Saki with a smile whenever they pressed flowers together. Encased in their plastic prison, those flowers would never again be given the chance to live out their true calling in lives. It was a little depressing to think about, so she closed the album before placing it underneath her bed for storage once more.

       Perhaps she needed something more substantial to focus her energies on, so she made a strange decision: her English homework. It was a struggle to analyse the works of English poets when many of their words were still unfamiliar to her, but she quite enjoyed writing in the foreign language. It was a challenge for herself, to be able to write in another tongue and still be understood by others. The rules of writing had to be followed, all of those laws of grammar and punctuation. Readers were the only ones who could judge your piece, but really, they didn’t matter too much. If she could understand it herself, it didn’t matter if the teacher didn’t think it was suspenseful or gripping. That was the way it was. She needed one hundred and fifty words to write a dramatic monologue to be spoken in front of the class.

        She thought for a few minutes, but she realized that she couldn’t concentrate. She reached towards her stereo. With a flip of a switch, her classical compact disc stopped spinning in its confine and loud static momentarily flooded out of the speakers. She winced at the sound; it felt like hundreds of garbled voices were streaming into the airwaves around her.

       Overwhelming.

 &n bsp;     She quickly turned a dial to tune into a radio station for the first time. With the small tuner set to a working radio station, the myriad of voices smoothed into one fluid baritone, the main singer of a rock band.

       The style of the music brought on nostalgia, brining her back to the mental state she had possessed when working along side Haru. With the appropriate working conditions, she felt at peace. She thought for a few minutes, then her pen rolled across the page.

       It’s much too soon to let go. No matter how slim the chances are, there is still that thread that remains steadfast. Such a little thread to put all of your life on the line for, but if you wish hard enough, the thread will not come undone. It’s far too early to give up, and much too late to go back. Just you wait and see, it’ll be just you and me.

       We’ll stay here and bury ourselves away. Keep the flimsy curtains drawn, and close all of those doors. Let’s lock away our souls and throw away that key. The glass has shattered, the hinges have rusted. The paint is peeling, the walls are stained. The house that we hide inside has been destroyed, but there are still two figures standing inside its weakened frame: us. We will stand there, waiting and wishing.

       Only one hundred and forty five words, not quite enough.

       We will survive, because that is our will.

       - Hanajima Saki 2D

       One hundred and fifty three. Complete.

       Of course, memorizing it would be a different story.

       Her mother, who had returned home and was making a meal for her youngest children in the kitchen looked up at the ceiling above her. She could easily hear the music coming from her daughter’s bedroom. She wondered what was getting into Saki - first coming home from who-knows-where in the morning, then listening to music like that? She shook her head, more than a little disappointed.

       Obviously, she didn’t realize that her unstudious child was really doing homework up there. In fact, had Saki not left her math notebook at Haru’s, she would studied for that upcoming math test as well. She was just in that kind of mind set.

       Oh, the mysterious complexities of her personality that her mother would never know. * * * * *

What did you come here to see?

What are you trying to be?

You're like a shadow that swallows life who is crawling over me.

* * * * *

       Quadratics. Hypotenuses. The bane of her existence, surely, but she knew that if she followed their structured rules of existence, she could overcome their awful terror and get closer to never having to deal with the complex math ever again. Oh, the drama!

       Saki was feeling a bit worried as she was writing her math test that she and Haru had studied for together. She was doing great on her paper, her pencil scratching out answers that she was sure had to be correct. Hatsuharu’s seat right behind her was vacant, and instead he had chosen a window seat that day. Maybe the sunshine helped him focus, she hoped. She didn’t even want to think that he was evading her; she hadn’t been able to talk to him all day.

       She looked over to him. He was sitting with his test paper face down on the desk, one leg crossed over the other with his eyes closed. He chewed on the tip of his pencil, a nervous trait which was hardly something she had ever expected the calm, self-assured Haru to exhibit. His eyes looked dark against the bright blue backdrop of the sky in the window beside him, worried even. Had he finished his test already? Impossible.

       “Hanajima-sa n. Please stop staring out the window in a daze; finish your test already, then you can leave and go outside as much as you want.”

       Haru opened his eyes briefly and they caught each other’s gaze. He quickly looked down at the blank side of his test paper.

       He had, without question, forfeited. Saki had no idea why he would do such a thing.

       “Ah, yes.” Saki rubbed the side of her face and went back to work, her concentration falling back into mathematics-mode.

       She finished the test with minutes to spare, and she sat in anticipation of the bell. She stood up and handed her test in, then returned to her desk to pack up her things. She looked up to check on Hatsuharu’s status: he was already gone.

       Pushing her writing utensils into her pencil case, she hurried out the door past some students who were staying past the beginning-of-lunch bell to complete their work. She noticed Momiji was still scrawling on the last page of his paper vehemently in effort to finish it as quickly as he could.

       Where had he gone? Saki obtained her lunch, hoping that he would show up to eat with everyone as they normally did. She headed down to the cafeteria, and as she had suspected, he hadn’t shown up yet. Arisa greeted her with a wave from the table she sat at with Yuki.

       “Have you seen Haru at all?” she asked when she got close enough.

       “Nope, not at all. And it’d be hard to miss with that eccentric dye job.” Arisa shook her head. Yuki looked up at her with a slightly raised eyebrow. Arisa rolled her eyes a little, knowing exactly what he was thinking. “Don’t worry, I don’t think your silver hair is odd, your highness.” A small chuckle escaped her lips.

       “I will be back then, please save a spot for me.”

       “Right on,” she said with a wave as her dark haired friend floated away in search. Arisa drummed her fingers against the cafeteria table as she sat at one of the ends. Yuki was sitting beside her with papers spread out in front of him. So like the studious prince to work instead of eat in the cafeteria. Arisa couldn’t help but laugh a little, and he gave her a curious look. Again.

       “Jeez, everyone’s turned love struck or something. Look’s like it’s just us, Prince.”

       “Actually , I’ve got a meeting to attend to, Uotani-san,” he said, smiling apologetically. “I’ll be off.”

       And off he went. Arisa looked around at the vacant table, which looked huge with only her sandwich and cola residing on one end. “Well, this was a little unexpected.”

       “Uooo o-chaaaan! Where is everybody?!” Bouncing up to the table with a massive lunch for such a little boy, the blond haired bunny was all smiles.

       Great, now the exuberant kid shows up, she couldn’t help from sighing out loud. What an akward lunch this would be. * * * * *

The time's come again, it's nearing the end.

But I feel no shame.

Do you feel the same?

* * * * *

Author Notes: Chapter 9; Completed January 19th 2005, Revised and Uploaded March 13th 2005.
Wow! Um...another period of no-updates for this piece of fiction. Oh my goodness, so many of these scenes have been rewritten and rewritten again and again. I am still so very unsatisfied too! But I felt awful, since I'm still getting reviews about this story even after months of stagnation. So yes, you'll have to survive with this not-up-to-par chapter, and hope that the next chapter is nicer to me. The toughest part? Tohru and Kyou's scenes. So difficult, and I still think that Tohru seems too out-of-character. =X Sigh.
Altered Excerpts from "Cathartik" by The Tea Party; Fruits Basket characters to N.T. at Hana to Yume Comics