Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Pure Disco ❯ I Love The Nightlife ( Chapter 1 )

Pure Disco

Fowlet.Press [est.2001]

~*~Warnings~*~Contains yaoi, randomness, disco music, inside jokes, Akito bashing, character death (see former), unnecessary references to Demon Diary and Eerie Queerie, and other stuff…

The first chapter seems slightly PWP-ish, but it does contain a plot, I promise.

~*~Read This!!~*~ As of now this is an Akito Bashing fic. If you so choose to try and amend this, you can send me 10 good reasons why I shouldn't hate him and I MIGHT take them under consideration. Until then this will continue to be biased against Akito and if you don't like it, leave.

~*~Pairings~*~ [Main: Yuki x Kyo, Side: Shigure x Ayame, (Haru x Momiji?) and maybe others if I'm feeling good]

~*~Disclaimer~*~ Members of the Fowlet.Press Association do not own Fruits Basket, the CD Pure disco, the store Waldenbooks, Demon Diary, Eerie Queerie, and pretty much everything else in this fic…

~**~Pure Disco~**~

Chapter One: PWP Equals Peppy, Wonderful People

A certain bishi with slate colored hair and a 10% off discount card sat on the floor of a heavenly institute. Aka, Waldenbooks.

"Where the freak is Demon Diary number 2?"

"I don't know," answered the orange-haired stud muffin currently accompanying the gray-haired one to the heavenly inst- I mean Waldenbooks, "What the Hell am I going to get The Snarkybitch-Sama for His birthday?"

"How about `Sailor Moon'?" Yuki suggested. Kyo giggled in a way that could only imply that at his house he'd been forced to endure hours of dubbed Sailor Moon horror.

"No, really, get him a shoujo manga," Yuki insisted, being the hardcore shoujo fan he was.

"Can I get him erotic magnetic poetry?" Kyo asked, wandering down the aisle labeled `Useless Magnetic Activities!'

"Mmmmmmm…" Yuki mumbled, still trying to locate the second volume of his favorite manga and read Eerie Queerie at the same time.

"Are you even listening to me?" Kyo complained, plopping his ass down next to Yuki.

The other boy calmly turned a page of Eerie Queerie, "Not really."

"What did you get him?" Kyo whined, nuzzling Yuki's hair from behind.

"Clay, and what the hells are you doing? Get off my head!"

Kyo's eyes went wide, "Oh… my God. What shampoo do you use?!"

"What?"

"It smells… so good!" Kyo scrunched Yuki's hair up in his fingers and breathed it in… vigorously…

"Help! Kyo's trying to rape my hair! Ack! Haru!"

Haru, who had been visiting the little boys room (*rolls on floor laughing her ass off* okay, I'm better now), arrived just in time to hear Yuki say `Kyo', `rape' and `me' so his little over protective mind took action.

"Kyo, get off my head, you-! Kyo?" but Kyo was suddenly not there.

"Oh my sweet Yuki, you're all right!" Haru cried, sweeping Yuki up into his arms.

Yuki screamed and slapped Haru across the face.

"Look what you did, you whore! You made me lose my place!" he cried, picking up Eerie Queerie again.

"Hey, Yuki," Kyo groaned as he crawled back from where Haru had tossed him (*dies from laughing so much* tossed…like that could ever happen…) "maybe the reason you can't find Demon Diary is because it's on this shelf."

Yuki's eyes lit up. "What? Where? Whee!!!" Chucking Eerie Queerie over his shoulder, he started stacking volume upon volume of DD into his arms. The cash register attendant man glared in the direction of the three teenagers. Obviously, he was not accustomed to people screaming and running about and tossing each other around in his store. Well, he didn't come from the authoress' mall.

"And what do you mean you got Akito clay for his birthday!" Kyo squawked in shock.

"You got Akito clay for his birthday, Yu-kun?" Haru asked, raising his eyebrows in a way that said `I am sexier than Kyo…'And yes, Haru's eyebrows have the ability to say such things.

"No, you know that thingy we did in art with the clay when we were supposed to make a lighthouse but I made a pagoda?"

"Yes," Haru and Kyo answered in perfect unison, and then glared at each other.

"Well, I put it in a bag and I'm giving it to Akito," Yuki snorted to himself.

"And having put it in a bag was a really important part of the story," Haru said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, I like bags," Yuki replied.

"Um, Yuki. That sounded really weird," Kyo informed him.

"Yeah it did, sorta. LoLz," Yuki answered as he searched his pockets for cash.

"LoLz," Haru mused, "Huh…?"

"Laugh out loud… z…" Kyo reported, smirking at his own intelligence about such things like AIM phrases.

"I don't have enough money…!" Yuki hissed, eyes full of the devastation of this statement when he discovered that no moolah inhabited his pockets.

"How do you not have money?! You're the only one here who actually has a job!" exclaimed an extremely annoyed Haru, who really wanted to not be in Waldenbooks anymore. The freaky old man at the counter was checking him out. Oh, my. A pun. *dies*

"I spent it on last week's shoujo manga binge…!"

Obviously this excuse was not going to cut it for poor Yuki. He already had at least 86 Shoujo manga on his bookshelf and the secret stash of them under his floorboards, PLUS the ones in the hidden compartment beneath Kyo's underwear drawer. Kyo didn't really know about those, which was a good thing.

"You went on a shoujo manga binge with out me…?" Kyo asked, flashing adorably hurt kitty eyes at Yuki.

"Sorry, you still love me though right?" pitiable Yuki was about to become a @_@ soon. He was flustered like Mitsuo from Eerie Queerie.

"Um, yes," Kyo replied in answerement. He couldn't really remember why Yuki was apologizing because he'd been undressing the rat boy in his mind for a little while and then spent the minute after trying to regain his composure.

"Cool… who's going to lend me six manga worth of money?" Yuki asked, putting on his best `You Know You Both Want My Ass, So Buy Me A Mangaâ"¢' face.

"Six?! Why can't you pace yourself?!" Kyo squeaked. He quite resembled Raenef from Demon Diary at the moment by putting on a wonderful performance of twitching and foaming at the mouth in flusterment.

"I could shoplift them in my pants," Yuki considered aloud.

"No it's, `shoplift them… in ma pay-nts!" corrected Haru.

Yuki giggled. Kyo and Haru stared at him, mouths dropping open. Yuki didn't giggle. The steady stream of chuckles turned into peels of laughter. Their stunned faces made him laugh even harder. Haru and Kyo started laughing because Yuki snorted and then Yuki laughed even more so that tears rolled down his cheeks. They finally managed to settle down for about six seconds when…

Yuki exploded into laughter once more. This fit sent him into a hyperventilating state, which gave him an asthma attack. So he laughed into his inhaler, which obviously didn't help much so Kyo, being the smart little kitty he was decided to give Yuki mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Now the authoress would like to state right here and now that using mouth to mouth on asthma patients, no matter how sexy they are, DOES NOT HELP. I repeat, it does not do anything HELPFUL. Because asthma has to do with your lungs and mouth to mouth's other stuff.

On normal circumstances there would have been some sort of steamy shonen-ai scene involving Yuki realizing how good kissing Kyo was and Haru getting hot, hot, hot-but we forget one important fact. Yuki couldn't breath. Haru managed to drag a (now sort of blue looking) Yuki, away from Kyo long enough for him to use his inhaler properly. Kyo just smirked like the feral baka he was.

"Well, can I have some money… in ma pay-nts?" asked Yuki once he had recovered.

"Sure. In ma pay-nts!" Kyo agreed. Yuki was about to go into another hysterical fit about the mention of pants when the Waldenbooks clerk finally lost his patience.

"You kids get outta ma store!" he howled.

Kyo pulled out his wallet while shaking his head and paid for six volumes of Demon Diary. Yuki smiled devilishly at his side and Haru spun a rack of Book Thongs around in a circle.

~*~

As the three left Waldenbooks, Yuki with two bags swinging at his sides full of his secret obsession-SHOUJO! MUAHAHAHA! Okay, that was random. Haru, Yuki and Kyo glared at the authoress.

"It's so sad what o.d.-ing on instant French toast sticks can do to a person," Yuki said sadly.

"Awwww, it's okay, cutie," Kyo purred, wrapping his arms around Yuki's waist. His eyes enlarged.

"… YOU'RE HAIR!"

Yuki squealed and took off down the mall.

"Wait! Come back! It smells sooo good!" Kyo shrieked, running after him.

For the sake of not getting hit on by skanky mall girls, who were currently giggling and shaking their scantily clad asses at him, Haru rushed after his two cousins screaming bloody murder as well.

Kyo chased Yuki all the way out into the parking lot and down to Bed Bath and Beyond until the slate-haired youth collapsed on the sidewalk.

"Yuki, don't hurt your bronchial tubes!"

Yuki glared at him. "I'll bronchial tube you!" he yelled, socking Kyo in the mouth. Haru finally made it there but tripped over Kyo's fainted body and landed in a garbage can nearby. An old woman walking out of Bed Bath and Beyond smiled warmly at the two sprawled out on the floor and the other upside down in a sanitation facility.

"It's so nice to see young people today playing nicely together!" she croaked.

"Thank you!" Yuki beamed up at her.

Kyo sat up and looked at the decrepit thing. "I like sex," he replied. The old woman's eyes widened and she walked away. Quickly. Yuki smacked Kyo upside his stupid orange head.

Haru pulled himself out of the garbage can and came upon an idea.

"Let's go to Tower!"

Kyo and Yuki exchanged glances. "Why ever why?" Yuki asked in a disturbingly fake innocent tone of voice.

"Because Momiji-san works there… and…stop looking at me like that!"

Kyo licked his lips. He thrived in immaturity. This was his element! "Haru and Momiji, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-OW!"

Black Haru loomed over Kyo with thunder and lightning crashing behind him. "You… will… perish…!!!!!" he growled, "I… will… kill you!!!" he raised his fist and struck out at Kyo. Unfortunately…

-THONK!-

"Oopsie! I seem to have misplaced my foot!" Yuki giggled making an exact replica of a ^_^ face. Only with assorted flowers dancing around behind him.

Haru fell to his knees. "Shit! My nuts!" he squeaked in a voice at least four octaves higher than usual. Yuki ran off to the other side of the sidewalk and caught a shopping cart just as it was about to crash into someone's car.

Kyo scratched his head. "Okay, so let's go to Tower."

Haru glared at him. "Now you want to go?" he squeaked, "Now that Yuki has killed my children? You children killer!"

"Hey man, Yuki kicked your children, not me."

Yuki pushed his shopping cart over.

"What's with the shopping cart?" Kyo asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Do we have to go to tower?" Yuki whined.

"Are you saying that you don't want to see Momiji working at tower records? Isn't it jarring? Isn't it outlandish? Is the universe crashing into another dimension? Am I the only one who finds it INSANE?!"

"… Do I get to ride in the shopping cart on the way there?" Yuki asked.

"Um, sure," Haru said, giant sweatdrop appearing over his head.

"Kyo pushes!" Yuki announced.

"What?! Why must I be forced to endure your extreme insanity all the time?!" Kyo screeched.

Yuki hit him in the head with both of his Waldenbooks bags, which currently weighed around the same as the authoresses 6-year-old sister. Okay, maybe not. But it still hurt. So with little nekos circling around his head Kyo began to push the shopping cart full of Yuki across the parking lot to Tower Records.

~*~

Momiji sat at his desk, running CDs under the beepy thing when a sight caught his eye. This would be Yuki in a shopping cart being pushed by Kyo with Haru jogging ahead of them as they ran (or rolled) down the parking lot towards Tower, screaming their heads off. Momiji reached in his desk drawer and jovially pulled out a bottle of Tylenol. Something told him that the next few minutes were going to be really annoying, not that he cared.

Haru ran up to the door and trotted up to Momiji's desk. He was flushed and breathless and had he been Yuki he would have hurt his bronchial tubes and-Yuki shot the authoress a glare from where Kyo was trying to lift him out of the shopping cart outside. The authoress `eeped' but the story had to go on! *sweatdrops*

"Hey, Momiji-kun!" Haru greeted the blond haired boy. Momiji smiled at his friend, "Hey, Haru-kun! What brings you guys here?"

"Don't worry, we won't wreak havoc here. At least I won't but I can't really vouch for those two," Haru said as Kyo carried Yuki bridal style into the CD store.

"Hey, Momiji!" they both giggled. Momiji stared confusedly.

"Why is Yuki acting like…"

"Kyo?" Haru finished, "Well…"

(((((((((Flashback))))))))

"You guys, I'm not in the mood for malling," Yuki stated in his usual monotonous, yet frighteningly girly, voice.

"Aw, come on, Yuki. You're no fun!" Kyo answered, jovially trying to push his friend through the doors of the mall.

"Haru…!" Yuki whined, puppy-eyeing said cow.

Haru tried to kick Yuki's feet out from under him so he could pick him up and carry him into the damn mall.

"No, I think some relaxation and fun might be good for you, sweetness."

"I gotta idea!" Kyo yelled, trying a new approach. "If you go in for just a little bit, I'll buy you an Uber-Super-Mogambo-Sugar-high-Low-fat-Shake-a-shakin' Caffeinated-Coffee Sugar-Bomb Supremeâ"¢!"

Yuki stopped struggling against the two of them and stroked his chin, "Hmmm… fine."

(((((((((End Flashback))))))))

"Oh," Momiji said, eyes full of understanding. Haru nodded. Shrieks were heard from the other side of the store where Kyo was chasing Yuki up and down the aisles of the classic section. Momiji sighed happily. Haru, mistaking the sound, smiled apologetically, "Gomen nasai, they had to come if I was going to visit you…"

Momiji returned the smile and slipped his fingers through Haru's. "It's okay! I know you-"

"Are you ready for Akito's birthday party?" Haru asked. Haru had an exceptionally one-track mind. He could hardly chew gum and walk at the same time. Momiji pouted at his cousin (the Haru one) and answered the boy's question, "Of course! I bought the present ages ago!"

"Really??" Haru asked, genuinely startled. "That's famazing!"

"What? Oh no, I just happened to be walking and I saw this shirt that said `I Love My Penis' on it and I was like, `oh my God, that is SO Akito!' and I just HAD to get it for him!" Momiji giggled.

Haru sweatdropped but nodded. "I don't really want to go, do you?"

"Do we ever?" Momiji replied, and then smiled, "Although Yuki and Kyo should cause enough of a riot to keep us entertained!"

"And I heard The Mabudachi Trio was going to do a musical number."

"I shiver in my little lederhosen!" Momiji said laughing in a very un-Tower-Records- Cashier-like manner.

Haru was about to answer with another-BETTER!-flirtatious remark when shouts of anguish came from the Adult section.

"OH MY GOD!" Yuki screamed, running toward the two flailing his arms around. Kyo came after him waving around… gay porn?! Momiji waved at the other customers who were now angrily stalking out of the store.

"Come back soon!" he called to them, oblivious to the business/reputation he was ruining for his employer.

"Momiji, I heard screams, what's going on in here?!" yelled Mr. Towamaru, current manager of Tower Records.

"Well some of my friends came to visit and everyone was having fun and then some people left!" answered Momiji, eyes sparkling, with shoujo bubbles/flowers dancing behind his head.

Mr. Towamaru fumed, "GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!" he screamed at Yuki, Kyo and Haru. Yuki and Kyo put on a fantastic show of screaming and running out of the store knocking over as many CD racks as they could along the way.

"B-but, Momiji-sa-!!!" Haru whimpered as Mr. Towamaru forced the two hysterically laughing bishies and Haru out the door.

"See you at The House, Haru!" Momiji called cheerfully as the scary Tower Records man slammed the door in their faces.

"Kyo flashed me with gay porn!" Yuki cried, trying to catch his breath. He looked at his watch, "Oh, my brother should be picking us up soon."

"I didn't know it was gay porn!" Kyo yelled in his defense. He waved to Momiji through the store window.

"It said `All Men' on it!" Yuki retorted.

"I didn't see that."

"Well, you could see the top portion of a man on it, couldn't you?"

"Yes, well-"

"What the hell is wrong with you two!?" Haru shouted. It was truly an amazing feat how much screaming, shouting, shrieking, yelling and bawling the three had done during the course of the fic already. And it was only the first chapter.

"Many, many things my good frien-Is the floor shaking…?" Yuki said.

And the ground was indeed shaking, or at least vibrating "slightly".

"The tectonic plates are shifting under our very feet; we're all going to DIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!" Yuki screamed (see?).

However the tectonic plates were not shifting. It was only Ayame's car's stereo system with the bass on an unhealthily high volume. With a loud screech, the vehicle rounded the corner and swerved up to the sidewalk on which the three were standing. The car was an atrocious color-bright neon pink, with a flashy serpent painted on each side. He rolled down the window so he could prove it was him, as if anyone else would dare venture out into the world in that car. The flamboyant male lifted the silver-green lenses of his sunglasses (A/N: at this point it is night time) onto his forehead, and grinned.

"NIHAO!" he greeted, "Oh my dear Yuki, it is I, your wonderful, exceedingly handsome brother who has graciously arrived just in time to save you from the cold barren night, and drive you off home to safety as I-!"

By this time all three of them had already slid into the pink, sparkly, leopard printed, leather seats. Yuki was on the left, Kyo in the middle and Haru on the right. No, that sentence did not have a deeper meaning than that they were sitting in a car.

"-and when `Gure-kun called I just had to follow his wise-osity to bond with my favorite brother in the entire world, YUK-!"

"Nii-san!" Yuki interrupted, "It's okay, can we go home now?"

Ayame burst into tears. Apparently, it was the first time Yuki had ever said something to him that was not incredibly rude and or followed by an attempt to end his life.

"Oh, dear brother I will cherish this moment in my heart forever~~!" cried Ayame as he pulled out of his "parking space" (i.e. the sidewalk). "Pulling out" being an unjustified term for slamming your foot on the gas pedal and zooming out of a parking lot, narrowly missing… well, everything.

It would have hurt the poor snake's feelings if he knew that the only reason Yuki had not tried to kill him was that he was crashing from a rather high sugar rush (see above for details). It was also way past his bedtime. Lulled by his brother's insane driving (and rambling) Yuki flopped over onto Kyo's shoulder. Surprised, Kyo glanced down at the softly snoring, slightly drooling, Prince Of Sexiness.

"K… kawaii!" he proclaimed, stroking a few strands of hair out of the sleeping boy's eyes.

"Coconut… Suave…" Yuki mumbled. Kyo started.

"Eh?"

"My shampoo… it's Coconut Suave…"

"…Awww!" Kyo answered intelligently before giving Yuki a soft `Whap!' on the head and ordering him to go to sleep. He looked up to see Ayame gazing back at them with hearts for eyes.

"That was the sweetest thing I ever-!"

"Watch the road, man!" Kyo yelled.

Ayame grabbed the steering wheel and swerved away from a Greyhound bus at the last minute. Several drivers yelled nasty things out their window and honked noisily while Ayame managed to take it all the wrong way ("They love me! They really love me!"). It didn't stop him from going 80 miles an hour the rest of the trip home, either. By some miracle, Yuki and Haru managed to sleep soundly the whole time, whereas Kyo spent most of the ride praying to Kami-Sama.

~*~End~*~

Simetra: Wow, that was so much better compared to your other crap! I'm rather proud of you!

Fowlet: Really?? ^^ *flashes peace signs and throws confetti*

Yuki: >>………..

Kyo: <<………...

Fowlet: But honestly, there are a few people I have to thank!! Alessa Embers, Sam-san, PhoenixChic, Hilary-kun, and even my republican, polygamist, homophobic ex-husband!! And of course the people who live in my head! Simetra, my love, Spiffy, my dumpling of a Japanese/English Dictionary, Janie, my wonderful Yami, and Mummy, my famazing editor! But mostly I'd like to thank Kay Illuser Spring, my (other) editor, sensei and sister- I'm proud to be your Baka na Deshi!!!! I love you all! And also-!!

Spiffy: Okay you can really shut up now

Fowlet: *eating instant French toast* huh?

Kay: Thank you so much, Nee-san! ^^ I love you! "hugs Fowlet"

Fowlet: ^^ get off me!

Simetra: Leave a review for us! Tell us what ya thinkin'!

Spiffy: Constructive criticism is welcome but-

Jane: Flames directed at my Hikari will be used to toast marshmallows for Yuki and Kyo

Yuki/Kyo: ^^ Yay!

Fowlet: Also, I don't know where I'm going with the implied Haru x Momiji in this chapter. So give me some feedback on it (Love it? Like it? Hate it?) and I'll see what I can do. I promise this gets a plot eventually!!!!!!!!

Yuki: What is up with Kyo and my hair?

Kyo: Yeah, I don't like Yuki's hair that much… "leans over and nuzzles the top of Yuki's head"

Fowlet: Blame Sam

Jane: And why exactly are you obsessed with Yuki's bronchial tubes?

Fowlet:…..

Yuki/Kyo:……

Spiffy/Simetra:…….

Fowlet: *sweatdrops* Um… Review for me, people! "runs"

Review!

\/

\/

\/

\/