Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Push and Pull ❯ Drowning ( Chapter 5 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

PUSH AND PULL
A Fruits Basket Fanfic

Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess


AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This idea was derived from a drabble I wrote and a challenge from Koishii to write something I normally wouldn't write. Two weeks have passed since Part Four. This part told from Tohru's POV. Is she really going to leave? Standard Disclaimer follows the story.


Part Five - Drowning




ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I don't own much...which is probably for the best. Everything I own will fit into this bag. The one that sits on my bed, awaiting its contents patiently, quietly.

I don't want to do this.

But there's no other way.

It's been two weeks since...that night. Two weeks since...well, I'd rather not recall, although his voice echoes in my mind, his face flashing just before my mind's eye.

Akito.

He raped me.

And all I could do was let it happen.

I know it's not my fault...or so Hatori and Shigure have told me time and again. But I could've fought back. I know I'm not strong like Yuki or tough like Kyo, but I could've fought him. I could've screamed for help.

But help was standing right there.

I don't hate Shigure for not interfering. Actually I'm rather glad. I'd hate to have seen what Akito would've done to him if he had. Just the thought of him being hurt...it frightens me. It creates a stinging in my heart that I can't handle.

So then why...why am I doing this?

Hatori came to see me every day for almost a week. I nearly became dependant on his visits, for I had little contact with Shigure. Hatori explained to me that Shigure was only being kind to my sensibilities. He didn't want to feel imposing or frightening after what I'd just gone through. It made my heart swell with love.

Not that I could ever tell him. Not now.

After Hatori's last visit, Shigure and I did sit down to talk. Nothing was mentioned about that night...other than the constant apologies Shigure would give me. It made my heart swell more to know he cared. To know he was hurt by this as much as I was. It was the ultimate revenge for Akito really.

Physically raping me.

And mentally raping Shigure.

He tried to explain why he didn't...or couldn't...help, but I told him it was unnecessary. What's done is done, ne? Now was the time to heal and move on. We could deal with everything else...later.

"You should stay then...until you're feeling better," Shigure said.

"Do you...really mean it?" I sounded so hopeful.

He looked at me surprised. "Of course. You know I couldn't very well let you go anywhere in your current state. Not after...what happened. It would just be wrong." He paused, turning away from me. "But as soon as you're well...if you still wish...I won't stop you from leaving."

The hope I'd held in my heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. Did he want me to leave? Or did he think that I wouldn't want to stay?

I couldn't respond to either.

All I could do was nod and walk away.

As I place a third blouse into my duffle bag, I can't help but wonder. Should I or shouldn't I leave?

No, I've made my decision.

I will leave.

I will be on my own.

I will no longer be a burden.

This is for the best.

Isn't it?

"Tohru...what are you doing?"

I'm only slightly startled by Shigure's appearance in my bedroom doorway. I do not jump as I usually would, instead dropping the garment in my hands and watching as it falls to the floor. I kneel down to pick it up but a hand holds it out for me. Now I am surprised. Shigure is kneeling right next to me, his hand outstretched with my blouse gently held in his grasp. He looks almost sad, but he still manages a smile.

"I thought we agreed you wouldn't do anything stressful until Ha-san said it was okay."

But...this isn't stressful, Shigure-san. I stand so I don't have to look at him. Carefully, I place my blouse in the small bag that passes for my suitcase. I really did have very little here, only a few things more than what I originally brought with me. "My clothing isn't heavy, although the bag may be heavy when I'm finished."

I don't so much see as hear the frown on Shigure's face. "You're packing?"

I nod. "H-hai."

"I thought...you were staying."

Sighing, I turn my back on him and walk over to my closet. There isn't much left inside, the remains either packed or waiting to be washed. But two hangers still dangle from the bar. Both dresses. Both made by Ayame's hands. Both gifts from Shigure.

"You were right, Shigure-san," I reply, grasping one hanger and staring at the dress hanging from it. A pretty yellow and white knee-length piece. I still remember the day he presented to me as a gift on my eighteenth birthday. Tears begin to form in my eyes, but I refuse to cry. I can't cry. Not here. not now. Yet, I can't stop my heart from breaking with each word that leave me next. "I think...I think it's time I went off on my own. Experience...what the world has to offer."

"Tohru...kun...."

"I know you explained that I don't have to rush off or anything," I continue. It's difficult to hold back the tears, but I somehow manage. "And I appreciate that. But you're right. I can't stay here forever."

The pain in his voice is clearly evident. "I never said...."

"You don't have to. I know I'm a burden to you...."

He tries to interrupt. "Tohru, you've never been a burden. How many times--?"

"...And now that Yuki and Kyo are gone, you have every right to want the house to yourself again...."

"I don't want the house to myself."

"...Think of all the things we've both missed out on because of the way things are...."

"I like the way things are...."

With a deep breath, I clutch the dress in my hands to my chest and turn to face him. "And I have to learn to depend on myself. You've been so gracious to me and I'll never be able to repay you for your kindsness, but--"

I stop short as I take in Shigure. His pout has turned into a deep frown. His brow is furrowed in concentrated thought. His lips are drawn together tightly. His body looks tense, like if he moves he'll break. But what intrigues me most are his eyes. Dark orbs swimming in white.

Wait...swimming?

I gasp when the first tear falls down his cheek. He's crying. He pleaded with me when I went after Kyo years ago. He worried about me after Yuki left for college, and again when Kyo moved out. He comforted me when my grandfather died. All this emotion is odd for him, and yet, I've never seen him cry.

My lips tremble as the tears I've been holding back threaten to fall once more. "Shi...gu...re...?"

"Have you...heard a word I've said?" His voice is low, not deep but quiet. He takes a step towards me, then stops. He takes another, faltering slightly, then pauses again. "You are not a burden. You never have been and never will be."

He takes another step, and another, one arm outstretched as if reaching for me. His hand trembles. Is it the effort, or his emotion?

"I don't want the house to myself. I like having you here. I like having you take care of me. I like YOU, Tohru." The back of his hand touches my face as he says those last words. I gasp, not because of his touch, but because of what he said. "I WANT you to stay. Not because of what Akito did. But because...because...I...."

I clasp his hand in mine, holding it against my cheek. "Shigure?"

"I...love you."

Kami, am I dreaming?

How is this possible?! After what happened that night...no, I'm too dirty. I'm no good for him. Not now. Not ever! Doesn't he realize this? The tears I'd held back start to fall. The dress drops from my hands and falls soundlessly to the floor. My hands tremble as a sob escapes my throat.

"Shigure...I...." My vision is cloudy but I can see him move closer still, his other hand reaching for my opposite cheek.

"Tohru...I want you to stay. I want you here with me. I can't bear to let you do."

His hands cup my face as he looms above me, and although my mind tells me to step back, my body freezes. No matter how loud my mind screams my body refuses to listen. I feel confused, light headed and...happy?

"I want...you."

My eyes widen as the tears continue to fall. I open my mouth to speak, but before a word can slip from my lips, they're covered by his. This isn't my first kiss - not after that night, but this kiss, his kiss, is different. His lips are soft, not hard like...like HIS. The pressure is light and gentle, not cruel and harsh. Shigure taste is sweet...like chocolate. It makes the faint aftertaste of that sushi disappear.

I gasp as his fingers trail down my neck to my shoulders and over my upper arms. They hold onto my and pull me closer. My body finally finds the will to move, my hands lift, lightly pressing against his chest. But instead of pushing him away, my fingers grasp the material of his yukata and pull him closer. My mind screams in retaliation, but my body...it won't obey my mind.

Just like that night.

Then I'm pushing at Shigure. The kiss breaks quickly and Shigure's hold on my upper arms disappears. Breathing heavily we stare at each other. He takes a step backward, eyes wide as if disbelieving. My eyes widen as I glance at the shock on his face, the fear in his eyes. It's clear that I've hurt him and something inside of me snaps.

I think it's my heart...breaking all over again.

"Gomen, Tohru-kun...I...I...."

"Shigure...."

"That was...rather forward of me. I would never...I mean," Shigure began, running a trembling hand through his hair. "I would never force you...."

"I know that."

Shigure seems surprised by my answer. I know I am. He looks at me curiously, with those tear-filled puppy dog eyes. My mouth opens again, and this time, the words I've wanted to say for so long come pouring out.

"What happened wasn't your fault. Not that night and not right now. It's just...I mean...I kind of...wanted it...right now, that is." I know my face is bright red and burning as I continue. "I've wanted you...for so long. But I couldn't...I couldn't tell you. I was afraid...you'd laugh at me...or...or...ask me to leave.

"Tohru...?"

"The truth is...I love you, Shigure. No matter what's happened. I...I...Shigure--?!"

*POOF*


~TO BE CONTINUED~


DISCLAIMER:
Fruits Basket is owned by Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project and licensed by FUNimation Productions, Ltd (for distribution in the USA). They own furuba. THEM! Not me! *sigh* All characters are used here without permission. Please do not sue. I have no money, although I would be happy to give away my bills. ^_^