Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Sometimes... ❯ Just...If ( Chapter 1 )

DISCLAIMER: To own or not to own Furuba. That's a tough call…

 

 

 

 

* 1 *

Just…If

 

 

`Sometimes, I wish I was like her. Maybe that's why…'

 

“Class, once you turn in your latest projects, we will be putting a lot of effort into making the quilts, so be sure you have all your ideas thoroughly laid out…”

 

`How? Where did I go wrong? Always the same questions…'

 

“The whole project, from beginning to end, with your quilt will account for more than half of your final grade, so I suggest…”

 

`I can only think of one reason. I'm just…'

 

“Now, that's enough groans and moans. The making of this quilt is extremely important. It takes a lot of dedication to complete one…”

 

`I'm not good enough.'

 

“When it's all over and done, you will have a keepsake to pass down…”

 

`I'm not…her.'

 

“It will be a wonderful experience for you all…”

 

“HOW CAN THAT BE?! HOW CAN IT BE WONDERFUL WHEN ALL I THINK ABOUT IS HOW MUCH IT HURTS?!” screamed Kagura at the very stunned class. Her teacher could only look appalled at the angry outburst from her star pupil. Before she could even think of reprimanding her, Kagura fled the classroom with all her books in hand.

 

Ignoring the shocked gasps, she ran blindly through the hallways of the vast complex that was her college. Being a female-only facility, she gave little thought of the people she bowled over in order to reach some sort of exit. Blind with rage, she quickly slipped into a lavatory and slammed the door loudly behind her.

 

Violent heaves echoed in the empty restroom. Shakily, she took steps towards one of the sinks, bracing her hands on it as she lowered her head down into the basin to catch her breath.

 

`I can't believe I just lost it like that,' thought Kagura feebly, her grip on the sink tightening fiercely with each passing minute. She tried in vain to hold back the flood of tears that had been consuming every solitary moment she had.

 

“Stupid, stupid girl! Why do you keep crying?! It's been months! STOP THIS!” Lowly venting her anguish, she pounded her fists soundly on the sides of the sink. Defying her demands, the tears of a heartbroken soul wrenched free and fell down into the basin below. It was then that she glanced up at her reflection, gazing at the haunted expression that now masked her face.

 

There were dark circles under her eyes, her cheeks were lean and gaunt, but her eyes were the worst…they honestly looked dead, as if the spark known as life had been extinguished long ago. Only the hollow shell of what she once was stared back at her. Mirrors always had a way of bluntly portraying the bitter, bitter truth…

 

“Look at yourself. How pathetic...” With deep disgust in her tone and grief etched into her expression, she cried even more profoundly as she caved into the all-too-familiar torment of her heart.

 

“Just look at me…LOOK AT ME!” She broke down and sobbed even harder than before, quivering violently. “No wonder he can't stand me! Just look at me… Why was I so stupid to think he might want me? How can he want something like this when he has someone like her?”

 

With heavy sobs wracking her body, she sunk down to the cold tile below, rocking herself absently as she drew up her knees to her chest. Cradling them with her arms, she cried further into her knees, having little care if someone were to find her there in that state.

 

Hours passed on as she lay there on the cold tile floor, or at least, it felt like hours to her, when it was probably a little over half an hour. Feeling thoroughly drained, she heaved a deep sigh and lifted herself warily on shaking legs. She made her way to the sink she had assaulted earlier and turned the faucets on.

 

`Brrr, it's cold…why can't they install a hot water boiler in this damn place?' growled Kagura mentally as she stuck her hands under the freezing water. Winter certainly had a way of making everything seem colder than it should be. Splashing the water across her face, she shivered with the onslaught of freezing liquid dripping down to the sink below. `Just bear it. Deep breaths.'

 

Sniffling a bit more, she finally turned the faucets off, the silence immediately bearing down on her like a dark cloud. Letting out a heavy sigh, she looked at the mirror before her once again, noting faintly that her skin was now bare of all her makeup, her hair pulled back in a tight bun like she's had it for the past several months. The saddened expression still graced her face, but the fury that was once there was swept away.

 

“Pft, well I've definitely had better days,” she replied tiredly to her reflection. Thumping her head softly against the mirror, she closed her eyes, deeply inhaling and exhaling. Satisfied that her heartbeat was in a more calm state, she pushed herself from the sink and retrieved a paper towel to dry her face and hands.

 

Dropping it in a trash can on her way out, she walked calmly down the deserted hallways, grateful that hardly anyone knew of her tirade earlier. `That would have been hard to explain, not to mention humiliating.' She then groaned loudly at her next thought, `But I made such a fool of myself with my one favorite teacher and her class. I'll need to apologize to her tomorrow.'

 

Opting to just skip the remainder of her classes, she walked out of the old school for girls at which she had chosen to continue her studies in creative arts. Hence, when her favorite class of the day started mentioning quilts, she couldn't help but burst into tears.

 

“How stupid of me…I was doing okay for a while. And then I just had to remember that I got into the class so I could make Kyo-kun a quilt.” Shaking her head in dismay at her emotional outburst earlier, she walked slowly off the campus, pulling her coat closely around her. How she wished she had worn her furry hat…

 

“No, I can't wear that anymore. It has little…” Hanging her head, she followed the cracks in the walkway with her eyes, trying to avoid the very topic that's been plaguing her for months.

 

“Months…and I'm still a mess.” Coming across a bench, she walked over and sat down gingerly on the cold surface. Grateful that she wore her corduroys today instead of the usual school outfit she had to wear (`policy be damned, I was freezing this morning'), she rubbed her arms absently as she sniffled a bit when the frigid breeze picked up.

 

`Skies are overcast as always…suits the mood.' Setting her books to the side, she pulled out the one memento that she couldn't bring herself to let go no matter how many times her mother begged her to. A hand stitched wool scarf. Elaborate…warm…cute—words that would describe it perfectly had it not been for the fact that it just reminded her of the one individual that it was meant for.

 

`This was supposed to be his early New Year's gift for this year…I worked so hard on it, even during the summer months. I just couldn't bring myself to stop, even after he…' Feeling that familiar lump in her throat, she immediately brought up the scarf to her face, forcing the tears to stay behind closed doors once more. Taking a deep breath of the cool air, she sniffled once again as she put the scarf back into her coat pocket.

 

“A sad shame I've become. How pathetic.” Swinging her legs as she leaned back into the bench, she stared up above her at the endless gray skies. “Hmm, they almost look like Yun-chan's hair and eyes. It seems kind of funny to think that right now.”

 

She sighed heavily, staring blankly at the puffs of hot air that she had exhaled. It was times like this that had her cornered in her room, silently looking out her window as the days passed on. They really do seem like a blur to her now, all rolling along from one day to the next, the perpetual cycle never-ending and never changing.

 

`I get up, get dressed, wash, eat, go to school, go train with Shihan, avoid/dodge/ignore Kyo-kun, go home, wash, eat, sleep, then start all over again. Yep, that's definitely a pattern.' Admittedly, it was getting harder each time to go through the motions. At times, she'd have a breakdown like today, but those were at home. Her mother would try to pry her out of the bathroom or the bedroom, but she would stubbornly stay put, closed off from a world that seemed intent on moving forward.

 

“How can I move forward when every fiber in my being wants to stay behind with the memories of being happily in love, even if it was one-sided? There was always the hope back then that maybe…just maybe” Pausing in her musings, her eyes drifted shut once again, her mind replaying the scene she had lived through months ago…the moment when he had firmly rejected her. And all because he was in love with someone else…in love with her…

 

“How come? Why? Maybe I was a little pushy like Isuzu said at one point, but still, I was there. I've always been there for him…through the good and bad. She just came into the picture not even a year ago! I've known him my whole life! What did I do? Where did I go wrong?!” Clenching her fists tightly, she opened her teary eyes to the world around her, swallowing the large lump in her throat. Visibly shaking, due to the cold or her frustration, she brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly as she took deep breaths, all the while a mental picture of the perfect girl stood in her mind.

 

`Of all people, it had to be her. Pretty. Kind. Sweet. Gentle. Just…perfect. Always helping…always mending our old wounds no matter how impossible it may seem. Pft, how can Kyo-kun not fall in love with her? She's wonderful. She's everything that I'm not.' As much as she wanted to despise Tohru, she couldn't bring herself to do it. It made her feel worse for even thinking that, so she tried very hard not to think about it. It was hard and it hurt like hell, but she knew that the fault lied within her…it had to be.

 

“Otherwise, he would be with me and not her. I would have been good enough for him.” She laid her cheek to her knees, now too tired to even shed one more tear on the whole matter. Self-pity bouts always left her ragged and listless, so she has been doing a better job at limiting them to once a week. Even so, there are the spurts that come up once in a while, especially when she'd been in contact with either Tohru or Kyo.

 

Although, she has done her very best to avoid Kyo at the dojo. It usually wasn't too much of a problem since he would be too absorbed in his exercises to give much care to what's around him. But then from one moment to the next he'd be staring at her intently, as if vainly trying to reach into her thoughts. Well, at least her exercises helped her to retain her composure (hell, that was the whole point behind the martial art…self-control), and so she was able to build a solid wall around her thoughts and feelings. Only when she felt Shihan drive Kyo's attention away from her was she able to let down her guard and allow the depths of her sadness reach her eyes.

 

`I should just give up on the training since I only did it to be near Kyo-kun. It's not like Shihan doesn't know anyway. But if I did that…it would make it all the more real. It would make me feel…that's it's really over.' The final nail in the lid…she knew it needed to be done, and soon, but taking that step was proving much too difficult. Having to restrain herself from speaking to him or hugging him was bad enough. It truly felt like a part of her was left behind when she walked away from him on that fateful day.

 

“How can you move forward when a part of you isn't with you anymore?” Letting the question sit in the air, she heaved a heavy sigh as she massaged her temples from the incoming headache. `Perfect, now I'm going to feel super lousy by the time I get home. Kaa-san will be more than worried…'

 

“Hey, where's that nice outfit you had the other day?”

 

`Huh?' was Kagura's confused thought as she lifted her gaze to the group that just emerged from around the corner of the deserted street.

 

“Come on, the ground ain't gonna answer for ya. Spill the goods, pal…”

 

“Um, I'm sorry, but I really must get going…”

 

“Quit saying sorry, stupid freak! You go dressin' like some girl one day, and the next you come lookin' like some do-gooder. I think he's confused…what d'ya say, guys? Think he needs `help'?”

 

“Serious `help', man. You'd think the first ten times we `helped' him oughtta teach him somethin'. Maybe he's just retarded.”

 

“Retarded or just plain stupid…”

 

“He's NOT stupid, moron. Let him go,” Kagura bit out through clenched teeth as she stood outside of the hostile group of three, having heard enough of their badgering on a terrified Ritsu. With a completely different tone, she warmly called out to him, “Ri-chan, come on. Let's get going.”

 

“He ain't goin' anywhere, ya damn chick!” cried out angrily one of the guys.

 

“Hey, she's not so bad. Better lookin' than some of those bitches over at that school. Were you visitin' your older sister or somethin', sweetie?” called out another.

 

`Self-control…that has already gone out the door since this morning,' thought Kagura bitterly. “That's none of your business, and I'm not your sweetie. Ri-chan, let's go.”

 

One stood right up to her as he breathed heavily in anger, “Stupid bit—”

 

“Touch me, and I'll break your arm,” she countered evenly, eyes lit with the inner fire of rage as she stood firm in her stance.

 

“Cool it, man. It's all right. Go on, Ri-chan…I ain't gonna hurt ya,” replied the ringleader smoothly.

 

Ritsu could only eye the group warily as he bent down to pick up the books he had been carrying before the group made him drop them. Scooping them into his arms, he glanced around once before walking around the group. Just as he was about to reach Kagura, he suddenly felt a searing pain at his temple and promptly keeled over.

 

“Ri-chan!” cried out Kagura as she immediately rushed over to her fallen relative.

 

The guy who had elbowed Ritsu hard laughed as he stood over the two Sohma. “Hehe, such a stupid retard, I swear! I never said I wasn't gonna hurt ya! Come on, sweetie…leave that freak alone…”

 

`Blood…blood…' were the only things registering in Kagura's mind as she tried to mend the cut along Ritsu's hairline with a hankie she carried with her. He could only stare up at her in a daze as he tried to shake off the ringing in his ears. She suddenly felt a large hand clamp down on her petite shoulder, and it was then that she reacted.

 

“Come on, now…up and at `em,” replied the young man snidely as he grabbed her shoulder. “He's been through worse before with us. Don't worry so mu—ARRGG”

 

“You made him bleed,” remarked Kagura softly while grasping his neck tightly. Her small hand may not be able to completely reach around his neck, but his breathing was certainly cut off with her tight grip on his trachea. Her martial arts classes certainly taught her well on the human anatomy. Bringing his face within inches of her own, she stared darkly into his startled eyes, eerily saying the only thing on her mind. “You made him bleed…”

 

(SMACK!)

 

Effectively bringing his nose in contact with her head, thereby breaking it, she shoved the crying and bleeding mess that was once a grown man to the ground, and immediately stood up to face the other two bullies in the group. Still shocked over what just happened, the guys stood dumbly in their places when it occurred to them that she wasn't letting them get away either. One, however, reacted too quickly, and as he launched himself at her, she quickly swiped his arm into her own and broke it with a quick snap. One elbow to the chest had this one rolling on the ground, swearing and gasping for air as he tried to nurse his broken arm.

 

“I told you I'd break your arm if you touched me…bastard,” she replied coldly to the writhing form below her feet.

 

“Karate…should have known a little squirt like you would know something to keep herself protected,” remarked the last of the three dryly as he took of his jacket and got into a challenging position that Kagura immediately recognized.

 

`Peachy…he knows karate, too. I can't get too close…' Walking over to him calmly, she stood a few feet away as she glared at him. “I'd recommend you and your pals leave Ri-chan alone from now on. I'd hate to have to come to your campus and beat you all into a bloody mess in front of your peers.”

 

With a derisive smirk, he responded, “Can't guarantee anyone won't keep on pickin' on the poor sap. He asks for it, ya know? Kinda like you did just now…”

 

Swiftly he reached out to her with several punches, which she blocked effectively. He, being larger and a male, had that advantage, but from the way Kagura was analyzing him, they were his only advantages. Giving him a parry of her own small but effective punches, she stood back from him as they both breathed heavily.

 

“Did you flunk out of your martial arts class? With your shoddy form and wailing arms, it'd be no wonder if you weren't run out of the class altogether,” she remarked wryly as she finally got the young man to seethe quietly in anger.

 

“Damn bitch, you don't know when to quit, do ya?!” he bit out as he came at her with a round of punches. Just as the last one hit her raised arms, he brought his leg upward to swipe her hard across the head. However, he never did admit to the fact that she was indeed much better at this defensive art than he was.

 

Grasping the leg at the last minute, she immediately crouched down and dealt him a blow in one very sensitive area to the male body. Leaning over his curled form as he nursed his privacy, she quietly remarked, “Don't worry, you'll still be able to `perform' when the time comes. Just don't forget what I said because I meant it. Bother a member of my family again, and trust me when I say that the pain you feel now will be nothing compared to what I can do when I'm really pissed off.”

 

Standing to her full height, petite as it was, she stalked off to walk back to Ritsu, who by now was on his two legs, albeit a little wobbly. Gazing at her with wide eyes, he was about to call out to her when his eyes widened even further. “KAGURA-SAN, BEHIND YOU!”

 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when she abruptly half-turned with one quick kick to the air and into the guy's mouth. Sending the young man back to the cold ground with a now a few missing teeth and a split, bleeding lip (along with his pained groin), she shook her head in disgust at him.

 

“BAKA! You just don't know when to qui—” she yelled irately before she was crushed against someone's chest.

 

“Kagura-san, are you okay? Are you all right? I'M SORRY! I'm so sorry for being such a bother to you and dragging you into my problems and…” Ritsu blubbered on and on as he held her close to him, afraid that she may be hurt and bleeding. With that in mind, he immediately released her to look her over carefully. “I'M SORRY, I'm crushing you when you're probably bleeding and torn and…”

 

“RI-CHAN!” blurted out Kagura at the worried Sohma male before her. Grabbing his face gently, she smiled brightly at him as she calmed him down. “I'm fine…no bleeding, no wounds, no cuts, no scrapes. Well, maybe a bruise or two, but…anyway, what about you? Are you okay? How's your head?”

 

“Ano, it's fine, really. Just a headache,” replied Ritsu demurely as he touched his aching head, wincing when his fingers came in contact with his cut. “Are you sure you didn't hurt yourself? You were very…effective with them…”

 

“Oh, not really,” she remarked offhandedly while leaning down to pick up his books and hand them over to him. “These jerks were lucky that I was rather tired today. Come on, my books are over by the bench across the street.”

 

`She was…TIRED?!' was the shared thought amongst all the males on the ground and with Ritsu as he gathered his books to his chest again while following her quietly down the deserted street.

 

Sighing heavily, Kagura trudged tiredly to her abandoned books. Once they were in her grasp, she walked in the opposite direction from where the guys were still laid out in pain. “Let's go this way instead, Ri-chan. We don't need to be looking for trouble by walking by those losers.”

 

“Yes, of course, Kagura-san. Whatever you believe is best,” agreed Ritsu while following her lead down the cold street.

 

As they walked silently, Kagura flexed her fists intermittently to allow the blood to rush to her hands, heating them up in the process. Satisfied that her numb hands were warming up, she looked up to see Ritsu carefully holding his books to his chest, his head bent down as he stared listlessly at the ground below them.

 

“Ri-chan, are you okay?” she asked tentatively while reaching out to softly pat his shoulder. “We'll go by Haa-chan's clinic on our way home. I'm sure he'll have something to soothe your cut.”

 

“No, it's okay, really. I've been too much of a burden already. I don't wish to bother Hatori-niisan with my problems, too,” he remarked anxiously while clutching his belongings tighter to his body.

 

“You're not a burden or a bother, Ri-chan. Besides, there's a reason we were placed in campuses close to one another, right? We're supposed to look out for one another. Oh no!” she gasped suddenly, abruptly stopping to clutch the sweater he had on. It had a gaping hole along the seam of his left shoulder. Inspecting it further, she saw that the fabric was pulled away from the seams as if someone had almost yanked it off.

 

“It's fine, Kagura-san, really! I was…ano…eh…I was clumsy, that's all! It got snagged at my footlocker and…” prattled endlessly Ritsu as he tried to hide the damage that was evident on his clothing.

 

“Ri-chan, don't try hiding the truth from me,” reprimanded Kagura while she pried his hands off the damaged area. `Hm, it just seems torn at the seams. I could fix this easy at home.'

 

“I'm sorry, Kagura-san,” remarked the young man quietly as he stood looking to the side, ashamed of his disposition.

 

“Well, you should be sorry,” replied Kagura firmly as she stood a ways from him. “But just this time around, okay? You're supposed to be honest with me. We're family…families stick together, especially us. (Whispers softly.) Why didn't you ever say anything about those creeps bothering you? I could have done something sooner…before they had a chance of hurting you.”

 

“I'm so—,” he replied before pausing briefly to rephrase his remark. “I was hoping it would go away. That they'd get tired from bothering me. I didn't want to trouble anyone with my problems.”

 

“You know Ri-chan that those types of guys don't just give up. They'll keep on you until…well, you know already.” Commencing her walk once again, she silently commented, “I know it's hard, but you need to stand up to them. As much as I want to, I can't be there every time they decide to pick on you.”

 

She abruptly turned to face him, bracing her hands against his shoulders. With a sly smile, she continued, “Well, not every time, but I can definitely be there enough times to make them think twice before picking on you. What do you say? You'll sneak me a school uniform in my size, and I'll pass myself off as your distant cousin. It's close to the truth anyway, ne? Give me two days, and I'll have those bozos begging for mercy!”

 

“EH?!” was his startled response as he gazed at her eyes that were burning with anticipation of laying waste to her enemies with her fists. `She doesn't need her fists—that look in her eyes is scary enough.' Clearing his throat, he waved his arms frantically in refusal of her gracious offer. “Oh, um, that's not necessary, Kagura-san! I'm sure they won't be bothering me anymore…”

 

“Nonsense…I remember that creep saying something about other's picking on you. We'll just teach them their place, right? No one messes with us Sohmas.” With a triumphant grin, she marched ahead with a fist of determination raised in the air. “Yep, don't you worry about a thing, Ri-chan. I'm a master of deception…hehe, they won't know what hit them!”

 

Reaching out to her with his outstretched hand in vain hopes of changing her mind, he bowed his head in defeat. Still, despite the obvious obstacles of her mixing in with an all-male campus, he was in actuality grateful for her assurances that all will be well.

 

`Perhaps with her there, I could stand up for myself…even if it's just once,' Ritsu thought hopefully to himself while picking up his pace to match her own brisk walk. Smiling brightly down at her, he commented, “Arigatou gozaimasu, Kagura-san. You are too kind.”

 

Taken aback by his comment, Kagura looked up to him with a soft smile of her own before turning her gaze back to the walkway ahead of her. She couldn't help but solemnly reply, “No, I'm not, but I'll do what I can to help. Maybe not as well as she does it, but…I'll try…”

 

“Whom do you speak of Kagura-san?” he asked curiously.

 

Amazed that she actually spoke that out loud, she smiled sheepishly to herself. Waving off her remark with a wave of her hand, she said, “Oh, I was just stating the obvious, you know. Tohru-kun does a much better job at fixing problems.”

 

“How is that so?” he pressed onward, oblivious to how upset she was starting to get.

 

Wringing her numb fingers together, she forced a smile as she explained. “Well, for one thing, literally beating sense into people would never cross her mind. She would somehow think of a way to peacefully stop the problem. She would fix everything with honest-hearted wisdom. And I…well, I speak better with my fists or kicks or head-butts even.”

 

“Hmm, putting it that way, the differences are striking,” was Ritsu's consent with a small smile.

 

“Yeah, well…you can see why she's much better at resolving problems. She's just…great. Better…just…better” she remarked wistfully, her once jubilant face now carrying the vestiges of old regret.

 

Noting the somber tone in her voice, Ritsu glanced down once again and was surprised to see the sudden change in her demeanor ever since they started talking about Tohru. Clearly confused as to why she would be this way, he started to voice this thought when it occurred to him that he would be snooping into her personal affairs if he pressed the matter further.

 

`How foolish of me to pry into her affairs like that. What she must think of me…' Pressing his lips into a thin line, he stared at her further, seeing that she was no longer pursuing the conversation anymore although she was still troubled by it. And that is what struck him as the oddest thing.

 

For as long as he's known Kagura, never once had he ever seen her so despondent. There were of course times in which she'd be distressed over something or other, but never truly sad. She always managed to keep herself above the tragedy of being a Jyuunishi. She never once complained about her position nor allowed it to completely rule her life (being the Boar of the Zodiac did have its luxuries—her position raised little concerns amongst the inner circle). She was always the strong one amongst the younger generation, and so sometimes it was easy for everyone to take it for granted that all will always be well with her.

 

`She's no different than I am. When problems strike, they strike us hard, no matter what pretenses we put up.' This last thought made him think of his own insecurities. As painful as they are, he tries to pretend that they can't hurt him, hiding behind the veil he carefully constructed over the years. The `feminine' touches he added to his wardrobe were only meant as a temporary measure, but then it became too comfortable to let go, much like a security blanket to a young child.

 

`Yes, that's how it was. And no matter how strange I became, I somehow knew that Kagura-san would be willing to help me with my `blanket', trying to help me and make me feel safe even if it was just a pretense. She was really always there for me…'

 

`We're family…families stick together, especially us.'

 

Yes, as distantly related as they are, they are still family. Not only that, they were members of the esteemed Jyuunishi circle. A curse of the animal is upon them, but the bonds with one another were above all other ties. And truthfully speaking, he cherished this sacred link. It was a curse, but a blessing as well.

 

“Well, she is wonderful. She opened our eyes to new possibilities and hope,” replied Ritsu abruptly ending the heavy silence between them.

 

Jumping inwardly at the sudden remark, Kagura could only nod demurely in approval of his comment. Just as she was about to reply, he continued.

 

“It certainly makes her special to all of us,” he went on until he unexpectedly stopped in his walk and looked back at her with a steady gaze, albeit with a little uncertainty. “But that doesn't mean she's better. That would make it seem that you're not good enough. And that's not true.”

 

Stunned at his comments, staring into his eyes, she couldn't help but laugh ruefully. “Oh Ritsu, but she is better. She does wonders with who she is. Just a few words from her and everything is immediately better. And I…I just make a mess. There's good reason why people run away from me…not like her—they run to her. I know I would.”

 

“She does have that way about her. Being drawn to her, she has helped me to see that I must overcome my fears so that I may find the strength within myself to face my problems,” he pressed on while nervously tightening his grip on his books. Feeling that he was now running out of words to say and that he was making it worse, he faltered for a moment until he came across a solid truth.

 

“Yet, however strongly I feel drawn to her, I can't ever really expose my truths in life to her. All our scars, our wounds…those can't be seen or understood by those outside our bond. And that's okay, because like you said, we have each other to look out for the other.” Taking a deep breath, he took a step closer to her, as he spoke from the heart. “I've always counted on you when it became too much to bear alone. It was hard even inside our bond to find an understanding mind. Yet, you were always willing to be there for me, even if it meant catering to the whims of a foolish person such as myself.”

 

“You're not foolish, Ri-chan,” admonished Kagura gently as she broke his stare and gazed at the ground below with unshed tears.

 

“Oh, but I am. I am because I should have said this a long time ago.” Leaning downward a little, he tilted his head so that he could see her flushed face that was on the verge of bursting with tears. “Thank you so much, Kagura-san, for being you. I could never have been half as happy if you weren't there for me all those times before. Even now…even now…”

 

It was all that she could take. It was all she needed to hear…

 

Tearfully sniffling, she rushed into his arms, knocking both their belongings to the ground. Hugging him tightly, she pressed her tear-stained face into his thick sweater, shivering slightly as the waves of pity and regret ebbed away, fading slowly. She honestly hadn't felt such relief in such a long time…

 

“I really wish I could be her…just so that he'd see me. If I was just like her, he could see me the way he sees her.” she rambled loudly on and on as she cried shamelessly into his chest. “I wanted to be enough for him…I really tried…”

 

Hearing her say this, Ritsu no longer wondered what was plaguing her. It was no secret that she held strong feelings for the Neko of the Jyuunishi, and from the way she was behaving, the feelings were not reciprocated. As much as he wanted to know the details, he knew best that for now details were not necessary to understand that she had felt, for the first time, true rejection.

 

Helpless to do much else, he embraced her as well, gently stroking her head and quietly consoling her. “I know you did, Kagura-san. I know you tried your very best…” `When does she ever do anything half-heartedly?'

 

They stood there amongst the cold winds of winter, both enduring not just the outward coldness, but that found within their scarred souls as well. Picking up the pieces of a shattered heart or just simply finding the strength to stand strong were obstacles both would need to do. And if together they can somehow manage to do it, then together it will be.

 

The bonds of the Jyuunishi circle, of family, of friends, demanded no less.

 

Long after her sobs and sniffling subsided, she stood lost in her own thoughts and weariness as she finally came to. Feeling the abrupt chill of a cold wind passing through, she stepped away and offered a tired smile to her silent companion.

 

“Ne, let's hurry along. I don't know about you, but I'm starting freeze here! It'd be pretty weird if our bodies transformed here of all places, ne?” With that said, she bent down to pick up their belongings, still slightly flushed from her emotional outburst but serene.

 

“Hai, it would. Oh, let me carry those,” he remarked as he took all their books together, happy to see that the heavy weight of loss that she carried seemed less so after her cry. She still put up her brave front, but that was good since it showed that she was seemingly coming to grips with it for the first time.

 

“Arigatou. Come on, let's hurry before Haa-chan runs off to some appointment or other. Oh, you know, we can get a sweater from him, too,” she replied excitedly at her suggestion. Eyeing his sweater, she continued, “I'll take your sweater and make the quick repairs at home. It should be easy to fix. Come to think of it, I think we need to start working on getting you set up properly.”

 

“Set up properly?” he asked uncertainly. “With what, Kagura-san?”

 

“What else? Your wardrobe is screaming to have an overhaul done on it. I am here to serve and I serve to live—yep, we have loads of work ahead of us,” she rambled on with a gleam of determination in her eyes. “We'll just take a good look-see through Haa-chan's wardrobe to see what you like most. He doesn't have too much variety, but it'll do for now.”

 

“Ano, what does Hatori-niisan's wardrobe and my wardrobe have anything to do with getting me `set up properly'?” he asked with growing anxiety.

 

“Don't worry. It'll be okay…the first step to standing up to those bozos is to look the part of a man that won't take crap from no one. We don't have to go to the extreme that Haru-chan has, but Haa-chan's clothing should be intimidating enough.” Linking her arm through his, she walked briskly ahead to accomplish her mission of making Ritsu stand strong against adversity, namely bullies. “This will be so great, just imagine! I love shopping! Oh, by the way, the hair length must go, too.”

 

“NANI?!” exclaimed Ritsu in a panic. “But Aya-niisan has it this long, and it's worked for him so well and …”

 

“You're not Aya-chan,” she interrupted smoothly. Looking up at him with a wide smile, she said happily, “You are you. It's time everyone sees it. Why hide such a good thing?”

 

Walking down the cold streets with arms linked, Ritsu couldn't help but inwardly burst with joy at having someone refer to him in such a manner. And in the farthest reaches of his thoughts, he couldn't fathom why anyone wouldn't want to hold onto this precious person.

 

`She's just so giving and caring…maybe a little painfully at times, but still… If only I were so lucky to have someone like her bestow such a gift such as her devotion on someone like me. If…just…if…'

 

 

~*~

 

Edited by: Seiren-no-Kaze 05-02-06, HelloKat 09-28-06

~*~

 

 

Blurbs from a hungry author(10-13-05):

 

I want to eat! I'm starving! I finished this release early this morning (yep, 3:30 AM sure looks like a habit with me). And I didn't get a chance to eat breakfast, and it's now 1PM! FEED ME!!!

 

(Ahem, excuse H'kat for the ranting…lack of nutrition does this to her…)

 

Anyway, back to the regular channel here, thanks once again for reading my continuing storyline here! I am planning for 3-4 chapters more after this. See, I told ya it would be a small fic! I recommend my SOS readers to read this because I will be tying in some important themes into this story that relate to the other one. It'll be something else! And yes, I am bringing Yuki as well as Akito into this storyline. Cameo performances…I just love `em. Kyo, too, of course…not sure about the others as yet. We'll see!

 

To my reviewers—Pika318, S.B. Kisses, SoranoHikari (MiakaRyo)—BLESS YOU! I know that my audience for this fic will be very limited, and that's okay. So I am so glad that you'll come along with me on this new fic with the unique pairing!

 

Wow, this release was a little harder to put together. It called for raw emotions, angst being prevalent. The whole mirror scene is something I truly felt that was true-to-life, mainly my own. So dredging up old `battle scars' of unrequited love from the long road called life was a bit tough, but it helped with the overall impact of the chapter. I'm glad it turned out this way! But, hey, the fic will lighten up from here on out until we meet up with the `God' of the Zodiac. That'll be lots of fun!

 

I sure hope to continue to enthrall you, my dear readers. Any corrections/suggestions/comments are all welcome in the review board. Oh, I've also created new accounts with Xanga and LiveJournal websites. Please do look me up and drop me a line if you can! I have the links up in my profile.

 

Thanks so much for your continued support…ja ne!