Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Somewhere In Between ❯ Trying To Find My Way... ( Chapter 1 )

Somewhere In Between

 

Chapter One - Trying

 

“Kyo, I want to talk to you.”

 

Kyo refused to tear his eyes away from the window. Somehow he found great comfort in watching Tohru carrying-on out in the garden for what little time she spent out of the house these days.

 

Tohru had moved out a few months earlier - into Hatori's. It came as a slight shock to the family, but it wasn't entirely unexpected, what with her being so like Hatori's first true love, Kana. But still, being as sweet as Tohru was, she still insisted on returning to clean the house. It was almost as if she enjoyed washing Shigure's underwear.

 

“Kyo.”

 

“Would you just leave me alone, ya damn rat.”

 

Yuki took a few steps into the room, taking in the cat's almost obsessive cleanliness. “Damn it Kyo, stop being so childish! This is important!”

 

Kyo's eyes remained fixed on Tohru as she hung out the last of the sheets. “I don't remember saying that you could come in my room.” His eyes snapped sharply round to catch Yuki's gaze. “Get out.”

 

“I'm not leaving until you talk to me,” Yuki insisted calmly as he continued to stare back at Kyo, who grew steadily angrier with every word.

 

“Well I don't want to talk to you now get out.”

 

“Kyo-”

 

“GET OUT!”

 

Yuki sighed softly, his voice filling with a sort of defeat Kyo had never witnessed before. “Fine then.” It was all but a whisper as he slipped back through the door into the hall with all his usual elegance and grace.

 

Kyo just stared after him as another face appeared round the doorway. “That sounded serious, is everything alright?”

 

“What the hell do you care anyway?” Kyo spat carelessly, moving back toward the window.

 

“Really Kyo, you're far to old to behave like that, it was only a question.”

 

Kyo had the grace to look embarrassed and his eyes greeted Shigure's in silent apology. “I'm fine, but Yuki…”

 

“It must have been something serious. You sound almost concerned for Yuki.”

 

“I am not!”

 

Shigure smiled his little smile and shook his head. “My mistake,” He said airily, pulling the door closed behind himself as he let. “That boy…” he mused to himself as he walked down the corridor. Yuki's door was shut. Shigure paused at the door for a moment, considering what to do before raising his fist to it.

 

“Shigure?”

 

Shigure sighed and lowered his fist. “Just coming Tohru,” He called out in reply. He looked back to Yuki's door. “I'll have to come back for you,” He murmured before retreating back the way he had come, and down the stairs.

 

Yuki sat in silence on his bed, his back and head pushed hard against the wall as if he were trying to sink into, staring vacantly at the wall in front of him. What was he thinking, bursting in on Kyo like that? What was he planning to say if Kyo had conceded to listen?

 

`So, Kyo, when I came after you that night it was because… I meant if Tohru hadn't been there…'

 

Yuki grabbed his pillow in a sudden fury and launched it at the wall. He couldn't even say the words required to convey his desperate longing in his own head, let alone aloud to the boy, no, man he had adored so terribly for so long.

 

The agony that tore at his heart, more painful than anything he had ever endured before was more than he could bare and every fibre of his being pushed him to just say it. Just tell him. But how could he? The hate was still so pure as it rose in waves from Kyo at the mere sight of him.

 

Yuki slid off of his bed, retrieving the abused pillow and returning to the bed. Tucking part of the pillow and hugging it tightly to his chest as he lay there, still unwilling, even now he was alone to allow himself to cry. A soft tap at the door dragged him from his thoughts but he remained where he was. “Come in.” He whispered softly.

 

“Yuki? I heard you and Kyo fighting, did something happen?” Shigure asked kindly, closing the door softly behind himself before crossing the room and perching himself on the bed beside Yuki who stared flatly at the wall.

 

“It's nothing Shigure…”

 

Shigure stared down disbelievingly at Yuki; he shifted and lay down on the bed beside him, giving Yuki a little poke in the ribs so he would turn over. “We've had this talk about you not telling me what's going on. Don't keep shutting yourself down Yuki; it's not good for you. If something's wrong then I need to know what it is before I can help you.”

 

Yuki half smiled at Shigure's concern, he really couldn't have asked for a more loving guardian, even if he asked for one there simply wasn't one out there to be had. “It's nothing you can help with Shigure. It's something I have to deal with on my own.” Yuki replied softly, his eyes glimmering with gratitude.

 

“Are you sure? There's nothing I can do at all?” Shigure asked, a little crestfallen that he couldn't float in and fix everything for his younger cousin.

 

“Really, I'll be fine. Don't worry about it, okay?”

 

Though still unsure Shigure nodded softly, brushing his fingertips soothingly over Yuki's hair. “If you need anything at all…”

 

Yuki smiled and nodded in return. Reading the look on Yuki's face, Shigure rose from the bed and departed, closing the door behind himself but leaving his words lingering in the air: Don't keep shutting yourself down.

 

Was that what he was doing? Was that why he couldn't talk to anyone? He couldn't be like that, he had to be like everyone else, he had to be normal, he needed to be normal. Almost as soon as the thought had crossed him mind his eyes filled with tears, his emotionless façade shattered as the tears flooded in great waves down his face.

 

He curled tightly into a ball on his bed, crying so hard he almost chocked as he remembered the look on Kyo's face as he screamed into his face to leave.

 

Kyo pressed his head against the wall. The sound was definitely coming from Yuki's room and he could see Shigure from his window sitting on the steps at the front of the house. This could only mean one thing: it was Yuki that was crying.

 

This simple fact left Kyo in utter confusion. Yuki just did not cry, it was just one of those things that never happened but all the same, there is was. Kyo leaned back against the wall, taking in the sound. Was it his fault? Had it really meant that much to Yuki that they talk?

 

Guilt spread rapidly through Kyo's body. He took a deep breath, staring at his bedroom door. Should he try and talk to Yuki? Yuki might not want to talk anymore, and he would probably be embarrassed to be seen crying. Kyo sighed; the sound had faded to almost nothing on the other side of the wall. He had to go and say something, it wasn't right to just leave Yuki there if he was that upset.

 

He crossed the room slowly; it was like walking down death row. With every step he took toward his own door he felt his body become more tense, his breathing become shallower, sweat surfacing on his brow. What should he say? Should he try and be nice or just treat Yuki the way he always had?

 

He reached for the door handle but it swung away from him before he could reach it and he found himself staring into Yuki's eyes, swollen by the tears that had invaded them, his pale cheeks streaked with a warm shade of pink that intensified the shade of his eyes.

 

“What do you…” Kyo started but Yuki quickly cut him off.

 

“Kyo, I love you.”

 

For a moment Kyo was absolutely speechless, just staring at Yuki. A joke. That had to be it. Yuki had always hated him, how could he make such a ridiculous claim, and so suddenly. “You… what?” Kyo managed at last.

 

The tears filled Yuki's eyes again as he stared at Kyo. “I love you Kyo,” He repeated. “I don't expect you to love but, well, I just had to tell you that I do, I just needed you to know. I couldn't carry on living with you every day and never telling you, so now I have,” Yuki babbled mindlessly. “I'm sorry.”

 

“Why are you sorry?” Kyo asked blankly, and Yuki looked up, capturing the eyes of the slightly taller man. “You… you can't help the way you feel, right?” Kyo mumbled, slightly embarrassed but all the same respectful of the fact that this was probably a lot harder for Yuki than it was for him.

 

“I'm sorry because, I guess the last thing you need is someone like me telling you something like this. I know you still hate me,” Yuki murmured, not entirely sure if that was why he was sorry or not, but it seemed as good a reason as any.

 

“I don't hate you.”

 

A silence fell between them. Kyo wasn't sure why he had said it, he hadn't thought about it at all, the words had just rolled right off his tongue and landed flat at Yuki's feet but all the same, now he was thinking about it, he still disliked Yuki for all his psychological suffering as a child but hate? No, he didn't hate Yuki at all.

 

“Maybe that's why I'm really sorry., Yuki mused softly, his eyes welling with tears yet again. It seemed that now they had started he couldn't stop them, all the pain he had been feeling melting from his body through the tiny droplets that rolled down his cheeks. “It's my fault that they were so cruel to you Kyo, it's my fault that they treated you the way they did and all because we were born who we are and it isn't fair!”

 

Something in Kyo snapped and without thinking he reached out and grabbed Yuki's shoulders, pulling him closer and staring deep into his eyes. “They did treat me badly but it's because of what I am, not who you are.”

 

Yuki's lip quivered a little before he pushed himself forward, releasing himself from Kyo's grip and pushing himself against Kyo's chest, breathing deeply, relishing in the moment that he knew would last mere seconds before it was ripped away from him forever.

 

Kyo just stared down at Yuki, he could almost feel his pain as he stood there. His elegant fingers clinging tightly to Kyo's t-shirt and his face pressed hard between them, weeping like he might never stop. He considered his actions for a moment and all the power he wielded over Yuki. He had but to raise his arms and make a choice; push Yuki away and leave him to deal with this on his own, or put his arms around Yuki and help him in some small way to feel a little better.

 

His mind was spinning; he had to think fast as his hands hovered at Yuki's sides. His arms drifted in and captured Yuki's shouldered, levering Yuki slowly away from his body, unable to look at him. “I'm sorry, Yuki.” He whispered, stepping back and closing the door.

 

Yuki just stood there for a moment. It wasn't an unexpected reaction but that made the rejection no less painful. “Yuki?”

 

Yuki looked up and his eyes met Shigure's. “What's happened?”

 

Yuki could not contain it any longer as he once again dissolved into tears, crushed under the pressure of his longing. “I'm such a fool Shigure,” He managed before throwing himself into Shigure's arms. The terrible pain that had dwelt inside him had been so swiftly relieved by something as simple as Kyo's presence surrounding him once more, threatening to never leave him.

 

Beyond the door Kyo threw himself onto his bed, his hands pressed against his eyes trying to block out the terrible sound of Yuki's tears. This was all his fault.