Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ The Brief Diary of a Repressed Goddess ❯ Entry 1 ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

THE BRIEF DIARY OF A REPRESSED GODDESS
A Fruits Basket Fanfic

Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This story, told in several parts, is a lead in to a bigger story I'd like to do. No promises on the second story as of now until I see how this one goes over. SPOILER WARNING for chapters 97/98, 101 and other more recent chapters of the manga. Some LEMON CONTENT, all told from Akito's point of view. A Standard Disclaimer follows the chapter.



ENTRY #1


I feel like the biggest fool.

I've made mistakes in the past. Errors in judgment that could be reversed, repaired, or in some way adjusted to suit my real purposes later. I knew one day, one of those decisions would come back to haunt me. I knew, yet I simply let it go.

"Why is it you wished to see me, Shigure? It's not like you to hold conference on such short notice."

He was dressed in a suit, very unlike him. And that serious expression on his face...I'd seen it before. It made my heart plummet into my stomach. "I've come to ask a favor."

Calmly, I leaned back on my pillows, my eyes darting to the window. "A favor?"

I could see him out of the corner of my eye as he moved closer. My eyes looked out the window again as he sat across from me. His face was still so serious. What are you going to ask of me, Shigure?

"Hai."

"What would this favor be?"

His smile should've indicated the harshness of his words. "I humbly request your permission to marry."

I couldn't breath. Couldn't speak. What the hell was I supposed to say to that anyway?!

Our relationship was no longer existent. I had tossed him out of the main house for betraying me once. I ended any relations we had had more than a month ago for the same reason. Same reason, different woman. I had hoped that my lack of feeling, lack of love, would teach him a lesson. I had been warned that it might not work. That it might backfire. I thought for certain I was right.

I HATE being wrong!

I wanted to spit in his face for the blatant insult. I pretended as if the passing clouds outside were more interesting. "Should I even ask to whom?"

His smile was more evident in his voice. Damn him! "If you want to know."

"NO!" It should've been a scream but it came out sounding like a growl. My head turned, my eyes meeting with for a split second before looking away again. "That's not necessary."

"Then why ask--?"

"It's called sarcasm, you asshole." I was standing then, moving as far away from him as my room would allow.

"Such strong language! A lady should never speak with that tongue."

I wanted to say, 'There's no lady here,' but I bit my tongue. Literally. Fists clenched at my sides, I reigned in what I could of my anger. Teeth ground together, and I refused to turn and look at him. I heard him stand, thought he was moving towards the door. Good! Be gone!

But he was merely inches from me when he said, "You didn't think I would wait...did you?"

I turned on him, anger outweighing the sadness I knew was lingering in my heart. "How...how DARE you?! To come in here...and speak to me in such a manner." My fingernails broke the skin of my palm as I clenched my fists tighter. "You know NOTHING! You FEEL nothing!" One hand rose and pounded against his solid frame. "Wretched bastard! If you cannot accept my graciousness, then you can leave!"

My face was red, heated by my angry words and boiling blood pressure. I pointed towards the door, willing to open it myself if he didn't take the hint. "RIGHT NOW!"

My fingers curled around the door handle, but were pulled away roughly. Shigure's hand clamped around my wrist, tugging it away from the door and pulling me back into the room. I struggled, but there was no way he was going to do what I asked.

"Let go of me, Shigure! I demand that you-- oof!"

Pain jolted through my limbs as I fell to the floor. I failed to catch myself with my hands, dropping onto my back with a definitive THUD. My tailbone stung and I felt vibrations go up my spine into my neck. By the time I was able to understand that I had been thrown, my body finally able to act instead of react, it was too late.

Shigure was kneeling above me, my wrists shackled by his hands. My body no longer able to act as his body completely immobilized mine. I cursed him silently and aloud, calling him names I knew would not hurt him. That didn't matter.

What mattered was distracting myself from his traitorous lips!

They starts at my neck, leaving a wet trail as the pressed upward towards my ear, then around my jaw line. I made it a point to keep my mouth closed tightly, even as he placed a brief kiss there before continuing on. I felt the smirk on his face as his lips pressed against my shoulder, his teeth lightly grazing the skin. It only served to anger me.

As his fingers started to find those places he knew would please me.

I cursed myself then, my body becoming the traitor. He was older, much more skilled. And we had "played" for a long time. He knew just how to brush my yukata aside, fingertips lightly touching my ribcage. He knew just how to mold his hand to my breast, holding and squeezing with just enough pressure that it borders on hurt.

I wanted to scream as a fingernail grazed the taut tip, causing shivers to run down my spine. Those shivers mixed with the gently throbbing reminder of my not-so gentle handling. Biting my bottom lip to the point of drawing blood, I could do nothing as my body arched, writhed and ached for what it knew would come.

What I HOPED would come.

There was little waiting. His hand left my breast to move aside the material of his own clothing. I wanted to turn away but I could not. My body vibrated with just the mere thought of seeing him. My mind reeled, my breath leaving me in a heavy sigh as his pants finally became unbuttoned and unzipped. Rigid flesh quickly popped into view.

My lips parted with another sigh. Shigure took full advantage, sweeping in for another kiss. My yukata was yanked and pushed in all direction, just enough to bare that part of me which he wished to take. And while a tiny voice in my head argued the absurdity of his actions -- rude and unforgivable - my body strained towards his, wanting what it had long been denied.

I wanted Shigure to fuck me as much as I wanted him to drop dead.

Again the wait was not long. He pushed inside of me without preamble. My body welcomed him, fitting his like a glove. He set the pace instantly, moving fast and hard, driving deep each time and pulling away just to the tip. I lifted my knees, my hips giving him better access, driving him deeper inside of me. I was acting like a wonton whore -- like my mother -- and I was too out of control to help myself.

I managed to find my anger briefly, my mind remembering Shigure's request. I wondered if she fit him so perfectly. Wondered if she moaned and screamed for him to move faster. Wondered if her nails scored at his back.

And I couldn't help but wonder if there was another reason behind the dog's request. Other than the simple pleasure of pissing me off, that is.

It was over almost as quickly as it had begun. Quick. Dirty. Like most time we have sex, only I'm left feeling very unfulfilled as he pulls away. His desire has been spent and his goal, I assume, has been reached. He only smiled as he moved away from me. Leaving me to clean up after myself.

What effect did you think you'd had on me, Shigure? Did you realize that I would be hazy? A void left empty?

Willing to give you anything you wanted...just to have you fuck me again?

"Why?" It was all I could ask.

Smugly, the dog replied, "Again, with the questions you already have answers t--?"

"I don't have the answer to this one," I said.

"I may tell you," he replied with that knowing smile. "Some day. If you're nice to me."

Anger rose again, but my body was no longer listening to me. Damn him! Sighing, I pulled my yukata together and stand. Again I moved as far away from him as the room would allow. Settling on my pillows, I stared out the window, the sun fading as it set over the horizon.

"The silent treatment is not like you," he said. It seemed my odd behavior bewildered him. Was this not what you expected?

"And you...are still a wretched bastard," I replied with less than the total conviction I wanted in my voice. "Go away, Shigure. Go back to your whore and leave me alone."

"But...my request?"

"Just go away, Shigure! You can have anything you want if you'll just...go away."

Not a word of thanks. No gratitude whatsoever. He left the room silently, leaving me to tears and self-loathing.

I locked myself in my room for a week, allowing only one servant and Kureno to enter my quarters. Thankfully Kureno kept most of the family business to himself. He only told me details of Shigure's engagement when I asked for them. Even then he tried to deter me. I am grateful for that too, even if I was too stupid to notice.

Things finally started to get back to normal -- after almost a month of suffering in silence. I was expecting Yuki and Kyo for a visit. With vigor I hadn't had in a while, I was up, bathed and ready before my breakfast was brought to me. The servants were very surprised. Happily, one servant sat my meal before me before leaving. I snapped apart my chopsticks and gave thanks to the gods.

But the food -- just the smell -- turned my stomach. I took only one bite before sitting it aside and crawling back into bed. Lunch wasn't good either. And dinner...I swirled the food on my plate and simply went to bed.

Hatori was quick to check on me the next morning. Word of my "hunger strike" traveled fast. We played twenty questions and I answered him honestly. I only felt tired. I could keep liquids down with no problem. My appetite was still in place...sort of. He gave me several pills, to help with cramping, but that's as far as it went. Food poisoning, he noted.

Even I wasn't THAT stupid.

I have made a BIG mistake.

I really am a fool.

"Akito-sama? How are you feeling? Better?"

"Hai. Much better than this morning."

Kureno arranged a meeting for me with a specialist. Behind Hatori's back. We even checked his credentials to make sure he didn't know my dear cousin in any way. All details were confidential. The tests were numerous, but the conclusion the same.

"And your visit today....how did it go?"

"As I expected."

Kureno's look of horror and delight was the only reaction I needed to see. He should feel very honored. I have not told anyone but him...and the doctor...about my worries. Even Hatori will remain clueless until I feel he is ready.

I will have the last laugh.

For now...I hold inside a very important secret.

"Will you tell him?"

I've not felt more in control of my life as I do now. The smile that formed on my lips is delighted...and unnatural. "No."

"But.... I have no right to argue, Akito-sama, but...he deserves to know."

"No."

"He may want to be involved--!"

"He deserves nothing. Betraying me with that whore! Leaving me to suffer!"

"You were the one to give him permission."

"I do not need you to point out my mistakes, Kureno."

"I did not mean...."

"Leave me! Leave me be. I...I need...to...be alone."

"You will never be alone Akito-sama," He whispered as he left me to my thoughts.

And I suppose he is right. Even sitting in the grayness of my room, staring at this journal and wondering, "what the hell am I writing for?" I am not alone. I have my jyuunishi. I have Kureno.

And an unexpected surprise for Shigure...when I feel the time is right.


~TO BE CONTINUED~

DISCLAIMER:
Fruits Basket is owned by Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project and licensed by FUNimation Productions, Ltd (for distribution in the USA). They own furuba. THEM! Not me! *sigh* All characters are used here without permission. Please do not sue. I have no money, although I would be happy to give away my bills. ^_^