Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ The Butterfly Effect ❯ I Need More Hellos ( Chapter 14 )

Author's Note: I'd like to take this opportunity to give a huge thank-you to my long-time and long-suffering beta `Rath. Unfortunately, due to a variety of nasty real-life commitments, he won't be able to edit for me anymore, so I apologize in advance for the state of this chapter. Oh and future chappies might be a little slower if I'm doing my own editing because I'm massively paranoid- Sorry :( Wishing all the best to everyone for the new year!

Quick Vocabulary: NB- There's an excellent chance that I've gotten some of these wrong, so please let me know!

Ukiyo-e: "pictures of the floating world", traditional Japanese wood block prints

Akachou- red butterfly

Yamashita- base of the mountain (a bit of a wordplay on where Tohru and company are now living, as well as Maki's role as the "foundation" of the restaurant)

Tokunabe- virtuous pot (this was actually meant, when combined with her first name Akane, to be a back-handed Ranma 1/2 reference- Did I mention that I'm a bit of a word geek?)

Umeboshi- pickled plum, Tohru refers to a small piece that can be inserted into the bottom of a rice ball to add extra flavor

Chapter Summary: It's always great to have a conversation with your Mom. Especially when she's dead. And a photograph.

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project. Butterfly is mine.

Warning: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter- suggestive discussion, non-graphic sexual situations.

-Chapter 14: I Need More Hellos-

-Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.

- Charles Schultz, "Snoopy" from `Peanuts'

Tohru sits on the edge of the bed, holding the picture frame in her hands. She stares at it for a few minutes before taking a deep breath.

"Hi Mom. I know it's been a long time since I last talked to you. It's not that I don't love you and miss you it's just… well you probably know anyways. You always did know Mom. That's why I miss you so much, I think. You always knew what to tell me, what to say when I was being silly and stupid."

Tohru smiles and runs her thumb over the picture. "I miss our talks. I wish that there was someway you could tell me if I'm doing the right thing or not. I get so confused sometimes and you always made things so clear."

"I wish you could tell me what to do about Akito. She hasn't hurt me in nearly a month now, but I know that I'm still connected to her. I don't know what's going on Mom, and I'm scared of what she might be doing…."

She shakes her head quickly and lays the frame on her lap. "There's so much to tell you! It's hard to believe that we've been here for nearly four years now…. But I need to figure out where to start. Do you remember the time Kyou saved me? For some reason that's been on my mind a lot lately…."

-###-

"Slow down, Tohru!"

Tohru laughed and flew a little faster. She was nearly dizzy with the excitement of transforming outside for the first time since the fall.

Kyou was moving as fast as he could in his cat form, but the piles of rotting plants and stakes were slowing him down. It was so much fun to tease Kyou- he would grumble and complain but he would always play along and be just as childish as Tohru.

Tohru was so busy looking back at Kyou that she missed the swish of wings above her head. Suddenly there was a burning pain in her back followed by a low snarl and darkness.

When Tohru's vision cleared she was lying on the ground and she could vaguely hear Kyou calling her name in increasing tones of panic.

`What's happening? What's going on?'

*`You had a little encounter with Mr. Bluebird over there.'*

By painfully shifting her wings, Tohru was able to see the songbird lying a few feet from her body, blood pooling around the teeth marks in its neck. Tohru felt the nausea start deep inside her- she couldn't seem to turn her head away from the blank eyes of the dead bird.

*`I think you better transform sweetie before Kitty goes crazy. You're not actually hurt although you may have a few bruises and scratches. I swear you've got the toughest body I've ever encountered. If you ever decide to get into the really kinky stuff, you've already got the built-in resistance….'*

Tohru took Butterfly's advice, shaking a little as she rose to her feet, both from the close call and the truly disturbing images Butterfly was flashing in her mind.

Kyou was in front of her almost immediately, but the expression on his face was one that Tohru had never seen before- at least not directed at her. He turned away from her and took a few deep breaths. Tohru had never, not even in his fight with Yuki, seen Kyou this angry. His aura was a pulsing black and he was shaking, fists clenched as if he was trying to control himself. His voice was tight, controlled, cold. "What were you thinking? Taking risks like that- attracting the attention of predators-"

Then he completely lost it. He spun around and grabbed her by the shoulders, "Damn it Tohru, if I hadn't been here you would have died!"

Tohru had never been truly frightened of Kyou, not even in his true form, but she couldn't help the whimper that escaped her mouth.

Kyou almost immediately turned white, releasing her shoulders and collapsing to his knees in front of her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his cheek against her stomach. "I'm so sorry, so sorry…." He let out a strangled noise that might have been a sob. "You're everything…. I swore I would never do what my mother did…. But if you died, Tohru…."

Tohru had never allowed herself to think about what would happen if something happened to one of them. Her body was comforting Kyou, stroking his hair, making soothing noises. Her mind was cold and clear and direct.

She almost hated Kyou for giving her his life.

But she hated herself more for knowing that her life was no longer hers to give.

-###-

"Remember when I was little and we used to go get ice cream? We'd go to the park and eat our cones and you'd push me on the swing and tell me stories. Sometimes people would recognize you and call for the "Red Butterfly". You'd always ignore them or tell them they made a mistake. I'd ask you what was so bad about being the "Red Butterfly" that you didn't want to remember it. You told me that the worst part of being a gang member was knowing that you didn't control your own life anymore. Even the toughest members were afraid of punishment by someone else. Every choice you made was controlled by someone else's decision until there was nothing of you left."

"I didn't understand then- a life controlled by fear. You were never afraid, Mom. But maybe you didn't mean that you were afraid for yourself, but for your future, your heart and maybe even for the people you cared about."

"I wish I didn't understand how you felt."

-###-

Tohru was still shaken by her experience when she crawled into bed that night. Yuki fell asleep almost immediately after he put his arms around her waist and even Kyou fell asleep shortly after embracing her chest. Tohru was nowhere near sleepy.

She lay there, listening to the even breathing on either side of her body. It felt right to have both boys in bed with her- it wasn't just Kyou who slept better. There wasn't any sex when they all slept together, but somehow that didn't seem to matter. After all, the boys still had one night a week each to sleep with her alone. And it had just shifted the timing of sex during the rest of the week. Since Kyou got up first, he and Tohru would move activities to his old room and then to the shower. Then Tohru would try to wake up Yuki and they'd spend some time before breakfast and have a second shower together. Then there were the occasional "lunch breaks" and the evening meet-ups…. Come to think of it, wasn't that more sex than before?

*`I hate to say it sweetie, but as much as I enjoy hearing you think about sex, you're really just avoiding the issue.'*

`I'm lying to them.'

*`You've never actually said anything that was untrue.'*

`I've never actually told them the truth either. Kyou said that he'd die if anything happened to me!'

*`He's a guy whose cock does a lot of his thinking for him. Cocks are prone to exaggeration.'*

`He wasn't exaggerating- I could see how scared he was. And all I could think was that I couldn't promise him what he wanted, because it wasn't my decision to control anymore.'

*`And what exactly are you going to do? You knowwhat will happen if you tell them. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of fond of my working mind.'*

`I can't do anything, Butterfly. And I'm scared.'

*`Well I can't make any of this weird shit go away, but I can calm you down and put you to sleep.'*

`How do you do that, anyways?'

*`Just consider me your own personal knock-out drug.'*

Tohru would have responded, but wings surrounded her mind and she surrendered to sleep.

-###-

"Maybe I've never really been afraid before because I never really had anything to lose."

"But I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to spend my time with you worrying about things that I can't change. Actually, I have to make a little complaint."

"I really wish that we had been able to talk more about... well… sex. I know you taught me how everything worked and warned me about getting taken advantage of, but you didn't really explain the different kinds of sex. It's been kind of strange having Butterfly teaching me this sort of stuff. Sometimes I'm not sure if it is really trying to help me or not…."

-###-

*`Okay, sweetheart. Remember- underside and top are really sensitive, vary the pressure and suction, use your hands as well and above all else NO BITING!'*

`Are you sure that Yuki will like this? I mean, it seems kind of gross.'

*`Trust me, sweetie- Yuki will definitelyappreciate your efforts.'*

`And you're sure that this will wake him up in the mornings?'

*`I guarantee it.'*

-###-

"Well, it does wake him up in the mornings."

Tohru blinks a few times before rapidly shaking her head.

"You must have been so sad to not be able to talk to your Mom. Was that why you were always so nice to me? I wonder what she was like- I mean it would be really hard for us to be here, to be free if she hadn't left us that money. The money should have been yours Mom, but I like to think that something meant it to be left to me so that we could escape when we needed to."

"So much of what has happened now…. I am so lucky Mom. So very, very lucky."

-###-

Tohru finished her cooking program without skewering herself, without being able to completely master European desserts and without failing anything badly enough to not get her designation as a chef. Standing in the college foyer, certificate in hand, she felt a little lost. For as long as she could remember she had had some kind of purpose to drive her- to graduate high school, to run away with the boys, to get her chef certification. Now, she was standing at the edge of having realized all of her goals.

She was terrified.

The boys hadn't been around much for most of the summer. Although she had been busy finishing the last of her coursework, their unexplained business increased her fear.

*`Nobody said fear had to be logical.'*

Tohru felt the line of heat at her back that signaled that one of the boys was standing directly behind her. She wasn't entirely sure when her body had become so aware of them-

*`Hmmm…. Maybe about the same time you started fucking them into the ground two or three times a day?'*

`There's no need to be rude- you can't still be annoyed about the threesome thing.'

*`With the amount of sex you three are having I don't see why you can't all combine efforts!'*

Tohru gave Butterfly a mental slap, but it was half-hearted at best. Although Butterfly still brought up the threesome thing, the tone had become more obviously teasing. Tohru had discovered that Butterfly just loved to fluster her and the best way to deal with it was to ignore it- or give a little back. Unfortunately, right then Tohru was far too nervous and uncomfortable to play with Butterfly and she suspected that some of Butterfly's obnoxiousness may have been an attempt to distract her from her feelings.

"Are you feeling alright, darling?"

Tohru leaned back into Yuki's arms letting the comfort of his presence take away some of the edge. "I'm just a little overwhelmed, but I'll be fine."

"Well neko and I have something we need to tell you so I'm afraid that we're going to have to blow off your incredibly boring graduation party."

Tohru couldn't manage more than a weak giggle at his comment- was this finally going to be the time that the boys realized that they didn't want her around?

*`Good lord woman! Did you completely miss the fact that the boy's grinding my favorite body part against your ass? Hey! Maybe we're going to get some three-way action after all!'*

Unfortunately for Butterfly, although Yuki did seat Tohru on his lap when they got into the car the non-descript building they pulled up in front of didn't look like the place to start on sex of anykind.

When Kyou got out and Yuki lifted her out on to the ground, Tohru tried to figure out what was going on. Through the half-shaded windows she could see tables and a distant bar, so although the name sign was covered with a large tarp this was probably some kind of restaurant-

Restaurant.

Tohru stepped out of Yuki's arms to face both of the boys.

"Is this…?"

Kyou seemed to be finding his feet completely fascinating.

"We knew that you might want to name it, but we kinda thought that it would be a good fit and well-"

Yuki interrupted Kyou to pull the cover off the name.

Akachou.

Tohru blinked back the tears in her eyes.

"For Mom… and me?"

They nodded, both looking anxious for her approval.

"You… you two are amazing. I love you… I love you…." She couldn't get anything else out and it didn't seem to be necessary as they both pulled her into a hug.

Somehow they managed to work their way close enough to the door for Yuki to open it and pull her inside. He was just like a particularly bouncy five year-old as he turned off the alarm and started pointing out the various features on the interior. Suddenly some seemingly random questions that the boys had been asking her for the past year started to make sense. Apparently her preference for live plants in restaurants along with a combination of traditional and western seating seemed to have been taken into account, along with carefully designed private traditional rooms that seemed to be based on some sketches she had made for a course project. They had even set the Western style seating in the center and the traditional seating along the side as she had laid out in her mock plans. Tohru gulped back the lump in her throat- the sushi bar at the back had her favorite ukiyo-e enlarged on the back wall.

Tohru probably couldn't have talked if she tried, but it didn't seem to matter because Yuki didn't even seem to be pausing for breath as he took her on a whirlwind tour of the kitchen, the back offices and the cold storage facility.

When he finally paused for breath long enough to rush to the washroom, Tohru turned to Kyou, trying to figure out when the boys had found the time to put this together and how she fit into their plans.

It seemed that Kyou was able to read her mind. "The restaurant deed's in your name love so change things as much you want. We spent most of the summer getting this set up though so have a little mercy on us. Well actually if I'm going to be completely honest I helped a bit but this is really the rat's baby. He took the idea you threw out about a traditional dinner restaurant and sort of ran with some of those sketches that you made. I hate to admit it, but he's really worked hard on this. Nezumi's hired a general manager and a few of the key support staff, but he's still trying to figure out a legal way to make sure that all the kitchen staff at least are women."

Tohru blinked. "Why would they need to be all women?"

Kyou gave her a warm smile. "Well it is your restaurant, love and after what I saw at your school…. Well, we don't want you to have to worry about that in your own business."

He pulled her into a hug, but even as Tohru snuggled against him, she couldn't help feel a little concerned about how the boys were well, working around her. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate everything they'd done, but they seemed to be trying to protect her from everything.

*`Kind of ironic when you think about it, eh?'*

Tohru knew that Butterfly was just joking, but for the first time the heat of Kyou's arms wasn't enough to warm the cold chill in her heart.

-###-

"I was really surprised Mom when I found out that both Yuki and Kyou had helped manage some of the Sohma businesses while they were in high school. I guess it kind of explained how they knew what to do, but it still made me feel a little weird to realize how much more they knew than me, how much they had set up and how… unimportant I really was."

"It hurt a little Mom when I found out that Yuki had been sorting resumes for head chef- I knew that I didn't have any real experience, but I was kind of sad to realize that all I was going to do was plan the meals and not actually get a chance to make them."

"I wish I had known that that was going to be the least of my problems with the head chef position."

-###-

Kyou looked completely uncomfortable in his suit and tie- he was fidgeting and pulling at the collar on his dress shirt as if it was some kind of poisonous snake.

"Why do I have to be manager again?"

"Because I still have eight months of school and will be starting my own business when I am done. You're finished school and will be doing the accounting and financial plan for this place anyways. You've got some management training too so why not use it? It's not like you have to do anything other than these interviews- I've already hired a very competent general manager for the day to day operations."

"Now I'm going to go- remember what I said about hiring. I've worked the resumés down to two candidates for the head chef position- even you can't possibly screw this up, baka neko."

Kyou actually looked like he was going to pass out when Yuki walked out the door of the office.

*`Why don't you help him take his mind off his problems?'*

`What do you think I should do?'

The graphic image almost blinded Tohru.

`NO! Absolutely not!'

Unfortunately Tohru's hand seemed to be working separately from her mind. As it brushed over Kyou's lap, Kyou arched up in his chair and bit back a moan.

"Tohru…. Th-that's not f-f-fair."

Tohru felt herself leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Is it fair that you look so good in that suit?"

`WHAT are you doing, Butterfly!?!'

*`Just lending you a helping hand- you know you were thinking it anyways.'*

`You can't just control me!'

*`Fine. But my way was a lot more fun. Just look at him!'*

Sure enough, Kyou was leaning back in his chair, panting, as the bulge in his pants became noticeably larger. It was then that Tohru finally registered the sound of a throat clearing behind them.

"The man at the door told me to come back to this office to see the owners. Is this a good time for my interview or would you prefer me to come back later?"

*`Oh. Fuck.'*

Kyou almost fell off the chair in his haste to straighten up, "No! This is a good time! Please come in er… Hidako-san."

There was a brief twinkle in the woman's eyes as she responded, "I'm afraid that I'm actually Yamashita Maki. I know that I'm a bit early but the woman who came in with me seemed to have decided against having her interview for some reason. My most humble apologies."

*`Oh double fuck. Though she's being pretty slick about having us by the balls.'*

Kyou seemed to have come to the same conclusion as Butterfly. He put down the pile of papers he'd been flipping through and looked directly at the interviewee. "I'm going to be direct with you, Yamashita-san. You've got the qualifications and abilities that we're looking for in the head chef of a newly opened restaurant. You come highly recommended and you have enough experience to smooth over our own inexperience starting out. Despite what it may look like, we are taking this venture very seriously and if you are interested in the position we would be very happy to have you under the terms you stated in your resumé."

Yamashita-san held Kyou's eye contact with no noticeable hesitation. "I like your directness and I like the restaurant concept that has been presented. I would be honored to work here under the terms presented in my application. I look forward to working with you."

Although Yamashita-san smiled at Kyou before she left, Tohru noticed that her colors darkened considerably when she glanced at Tohru, although her face remained neutral.

*`Um… I don't think that she liked the little show.'*

-###-

"Not only did she not like the show, but she politely made excuses not to have any meetings with me to discuss the menu design and the ingredient selection. I ended up doing everything myself and didn't even have the chance to meet any of my future staff other than the chef. And she wasn't the only new employee I had problems with…."

-###-

Tohru was starting to wonder if there wasn't some other reason than her safety that the restaurant had an entirely female staff. It certainly didn't seem like Yuki was most concerned about her accidentally transforming when he hired the general manager. Yuki raved on and on about "Tokunabe-san" who seemed to have an uncanny ability to determine good employees, generate advance publicity and design operating procedures. She was "mature and responsible" and Tohru couldn't help but feel a little bit resentful.

*Well it is your restaurant. Technically. Although you haven't actually been back to the restaurant since the scary chick's interview and you missed the grand opening and the first week because you had that nasty flu.*

`Well, I did get to design the menu and I do get to go tomorrow.'

*You're a good little girl.*

`Please don't be mean.'

For once Butterfly didn't tease her and Tohru wondered if her unhappiness really was running deep enough that Butterfly would be concerned about her.

When Tohru and Kyou arrived at the restaurant the next afternoon there was a woman leaning against the door, taking heavy draws from her cigarette while running her fingers through the gelled spikes on her head.

"Hey- you must be Tohru- Himura said that I could get the new alarm code off of you. "

"Um… Tokunabe-san?"

The woman dropped her cigarette stub to the ground.

"You're real cute when you're confused. Call me Akane, kid - I think we're going to get along just fine."

`Akane' reminded Tohru of some loud exotic bird that had somehow landed in the middle of the Akachou. Everything around her was noise and color, but somehow she seemed to thrive on the confusion and she was certainly very able to get things done. She seemed to be able to hold three or four conversations at once to make up for her frequent smoke breaks and her long and loud rants about the worthlessness of men. In her more cynical moments, Tohru wondered how on earth Akane had made it through her time with Yuki and convinced him that she was "mature and responsible" without breaking into her true character.

Then when the restaurant opened to customers, it was like a completely new person emerged. The gelled spikes were washed out and, as Tohru watched from the back, Akane modestly charmed every person who walked through the door. Tohru felt a lump rise in her throat. This had been her dream, but her head chef hated her, her manager left her nothing to do and her lover thought that her manager was "mature and responsible"- two words he'd never used to describe Tohru.

*`Don't you think you're being a little bit dramatic?'*

"Tohru?"

Kyou hadn't come back to the restaurant since the disastrous interview either, preferring to stay home and coddle sick-Tohru. As selfish as it had been, his presence had been the only thing that had made Tohru not feel completely neglected for the last week.

Tohru turned and wrapped her arms around Kyou, leaning her head against his chest, and trying to hold back the tears that her treacherous eyes were threatening.

"Tohru?"

Kyou sounded a lot more concerned now, and he gently maneuvered the two of them into their office and shut the door- particularly tricky while Tohru remained wrapped around his waist.

"Love- what's wrong?"

Kyou had picked her up and placed her on his lap as he sat at his chair and Tohru felt a little like a naughty child confessing to doing something bad.

"I'm just being silly and selfish… I just feel so useless."

Kyou laughed. Tohru felt like he'd punched her. Was she really that ridiculous?

Obviously catching the expression on her face, Kyou's eyes softened and he pulled her tightly against him.

"I'm not laughing at you, love. It's just- I feel useless all the time and you're probably the least useless person I know. But obviously I'm doing something very wrong if you don't know that."

Tohru wasn't sure when Kyou had grown up, but the intensity of her feelings for him seemed to have grown as well. The kiss she pulled him into had something deeper than lust and Kyou seemed to realize the difference too as he tightened his grip on her waist.

"Perhaps I should discuss tomorrow's menus at a later time?"

*`Okay. Kitty definitely closed that door. Once might be bad timing, but twice- she's definitely a voyeur…. Hey! How do you feel about two chicks and a guy?'*

This time, Tohru was more annoyed than embarrassed. Kyou had closed the door and she had provided the month's menus and ingredient lists over two weeks before the opening. She pulled back from Kyou, hoping that her eyes weren't as red and swollen as she was afraid they were.

"Is there a problem Yamashita-san?"

There were brief flares of pink and green in the chef's halo, as her face took on a far more appraising expression than Tohru had seen before.

"Actually, I'd like to speak with the person who designed the menus and ingredient lists."

*`Ouch.'*

"That would be me, Yamashita-san. Is there a problem?"

Yamashita Maki seemed unable to hide the brief expression of shock that crossed her face.

"The menus are… very innovative. You made a very impressive blend of traditional and Western ingredients in creating traditional dishes. The only problem I have is that some of the Western ingredients are only available seasonally-"

Tohru was tired of being underestimated and treated poorly for what had been a Butterfly-inspired accident.

"Forgive me Yamashita-san, but I thought that I had taken that into account when I designed the menus. If you are concerned about the Western root vegetables, I have already purchased them and they are currently in cold storage at the back of the restaurant." Tohru put on what she hoped was a somewhat friendly smile. "Forgive me for so rudely interrupting you but I hoped to clear up the misunderstanding before it became a problem. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

*`Game. Set. Match. Damn sweetie- if you said `screw you' any more clearly, you'd have to find chickie a shag.'*

Apparently Yamashita agreed because she almost immediately left the office, looking slightly dazed.

"Wow."

Tohru had completely forgotten that Kyou was still there. She hoped he didn't think too badly of her for being rude.

"Do you want to help me organize the account statements? That way we have plenty of time to start making out before she comes back again."

Tohru half-turned on Kyou's lap to catch the humor and open affection on his face. Suddenly, his eyes took on a very evil expression, He was practically purring as he leaned into her ear.

"Plus if we get all our work done, you can take me home and talk in that `boss voice' again. I think that I need lots of managing."

As Tohru started frantically flipping through the papers, she began to wonder if Butterfly was contagious.

-###-

"Kyou was so good to me- he seemed to understand a little of how I felt, even if he was trying too hard to keep me from getting hurt. But I was jealous and confused about Yuki and it wasn't until after the restaurant closed that I finally got a chance to see him."

-###-

When Yuki showed up at the end of the evening, Kyou hadn't quite finished the accounting papers and he stayed back when Tohru met Yuki in front of the restaurant. Tohru hesitated when she saw him- nervousness and uncertainty coming back full force. Yuki had no such hesitations. As soon as he saw her he pulled her against his chest, burying his head in her hair. "I've missed you so much these past weeks."

Tohru was almost convinced that Butterfly took over her mouth. "I thought that `Tokunabe-san' would have made up for me."

Yuki lifted his head. And burst into laughter. When Tohru squirmed out of his arms his face took on an expression of disbelief. "You're serious?"

Suddenly he flashed one of his rare, beautiful smiles. "I know I shouldn't be happy about it, but you have no idea how much it relieves me that you are capable of being jealous. I've been so busy trying to balance school and help with the Akachou and I've been eaten up with jealousy that neko gets to spend all day with you while I hardly ever see you. And believe me- you have nothing to worry about with Tokunabe-san."

He let out a long rough sigh. "I wanted to prove to you that I could make things work, help make your restaurant a reality. But that, that woman- you have no idea how close I came to throwing something at her. I swear if she made one more comment about how all men were pigs, I was going to give her Kagura's address and tell her to dye her hair orange."

"Yuki!" Tohru laughed in pleased shock as she hit his shoulder.

Yuki grinned, obviously unrepentant. "She is a good manager though, and because of her bias, we have an entirely female kitchen staff, without me having to make any comments."

"But gods, I've missed you!"

He tilted her chin up as he backed her against the side of the restaurant. Yuki was so much taller than her that the kiss was a little awkward, but it didn't matter. That same strange feeling that she'd had with Kyou of the growth and shift in her feelings overwhelmed her, making her dizzy with its depth and power.

As Tohru reluctantly pulled away, she caught the head chef watching them from the corner of the building. Strangely, she didn't look disgusted but instead had a contemplative look on her face. By the time Tohru could react, she had disappeared around the corner.

*`I'm all for voyeurism, but this is getting downright creepy. Does that chick have a make-out radar?'*

`Butterfly- she's seen me kiss both Yuki and Kyou. Nobody knows about our relationship so she probably thinks I'm cheating on Kyou! She already hates me!'

*`Who knows? Maybe she'll suddenly develop a new respect for you. Wasn't it Akane who was saying that guys get bored after three months? You've been stringing the two of them along for three years!'*

-###-

"Strangely enough, something did change in my relationship with Yamashita Maki. It reminded me a little of something you told me once."

"Remember when I came home and told you how the kids had teased me, had made me a riceball when they were picking names for the fruits in the fruit basket? How I sat there, waiting to be called and finally realized that there were no riceballs in the fruit basket?" Tohru's eyes unfocus briefly as she stares at the wall. "You told me that a fruit basket was such a small place to belong. A rice ball may not fit in a fruit basket-"

-###-

Tohru was standing in the kitchen of the Akachou, quietly singing while she looked over the ingredients in the upright freezer. She was starting to get into the song and didn't notice when the chef entered the kitchen.

-###-

"And it may seem as if it doesn't have a specific basket of its own-"

-###-

Tohru spun around, singing rather enthusiastically, and froze when she saw the other woman.

"I'm sorry- I didn't think that anyone else was here! Please just let me know if you're there when I'm singing- I know I sound terrible."

-###-

"But a rice ball can be surprising in ways a fruit can never be."

-###-

The chef stared at her for a moment before arching an eyebrow. "I don't know what your definition of `terrible' is but I think that you have a pretty voice. I should know- I sound like a dying cat when I sing."

-##-

"A rice ball can come in many shapes and flavors, adding something different to every meal it is a part of."

-###-

Yamashita smiled as Tohru made a little "eh?" noise. "I know that we may not have gotten off on the right foot, but I am very much enjoying working here and I hope… I hope that you will sing often."

-###-

"In the end, a rice ball doesn't need a basket because a rice ball can make its own place, wherever it wants to belong."

-###-

Yamashita paused at the entrance to the kitchen. "I haven't been entirely fair to you since I started here. I would… I would like to get to know you better. Would you come with me on Sunday and spend a girls' day? I know you must sometimes get bored of spending all your time with those two men, no matter how good they are in the sack."

Tohru stood with her mouth hanging open while the chef winked at her. "I'll take that as yes- see you Sunday!"

-###-

"So never feel badly that you don't fit in a fruit basket, because a rice ball will have opportunities a fruit can only dream of."

"I remember that, Mom. Sometimes it's been hard to believe it though."

Tohru sighs and stares at the picture.

"You told me to believe, to not doubt, to be open with my trust. So what do you do Mom when you know that the ones you trust most- don't trust you?"

-###-

Tohru had a fun morning with Maki. Maki had been right- Tohru had missed "girl-time" and for a few hours she had almost felt eighteen again, spending a girl-day with Arisa or Saki. Unfortunately, a family emergency had called Maki away in the middle of their date. She'd been able to drive Tohru as far as the gate and Tohru looked forward to surprising the boys with her early return. They'd been more than grumpy when she'd decided to spend the day outside the house without them and she'd brought back some extra treats from the restaurant to make up for it. Tohru made it as far as the front porch before she was stopped by the voices coming through the open window.

"I don't like keeping secrets from Tohru."

"And what do you think would happen if we told her, neko?"

Silence.

"She would insist on going back…."

Silence.

"Damn it nezumi! Are you sure that Shigure was telling the truth? Why the hell didn't you realize this before?"

"I have no idea if Shigure was lying or not- he had no idea that I was there and I think that he really wanted Hatori's help, if that means anything. And I didn't realize it because it didn't make sense before now."

"Fucking hell…. Do you think he's right? Do you think the curse really started with all that shit with the samurai and the priest?"

"I don't know. Shigure was always good at finding stuff like that out. More importantly, I have no idea if his solution is right or not. If it was, he'd have to have been a hell of lot more self-sacrificing than I think he is to let us go."

"Maybe he didn't know. You just figured out what what he said meant."

"Gods he must be pissed if he figured out the answer."

"Well it's not our problem anymore, nezumi."

"But if it's true-"

"We could end the curse. But what would happen to Tohru?"

"Akito tried to kill her last time. Gods know what she'd do if Tohru came back again…. And the solution itself might hurt her- Shigure didn't mention anything about what would happen to the common bond."

"It might not be Tohru. It would be an awfully literal solution if it was her. Aren't these things supposed to be all vague and complicated?"

"Who knows? But considering our luck, neko, we better assume it's Tohru and that Shigure is probably still looking for us in addition to Akito."

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And if Tohru finds out about it-"

"She won't care if it hurts her. She'll do whatever it takes to help the rest of us."

"Because she's the stupidest, most thoughtless, kindest person in the fucking universe."

Silence.

"I'm fucking happy here, nezumi!"

"And I'm not?"

"You don't understand- I've never been happy. I've always been the outsider looking in on the rest of the family. I'm not thrilled about sharing Tohru with you but I've never felt more like… like… like I belong, damn it! I won't let some fucking Shigure mess take that away from me!

"Tohru's everything to me, baka neko! I won't let her sacrifice herself on some farfetched chance that she can change things. As far as I'm concerned, the family can go screw themselves. They've never done anything near what Tohru's done for me. I say we forget I ever heard Shigure."

"I don't owe the family anything. Let them rot for another generation."

"So it's agreed?"

"It's agreed."

Tohru slid down the wall beside the window, her legs feeling completely boneless. She didn't know how long she sat there, but it was dark before she got up and announced to the boys that she had arrived home.

-###-

"I don't know what to think, Mom? Could they really leave Kisa-chan, Momiji-kun and Haru-kun with the curse if they knew a way to break it? I'm ashamed even more Mom because I'm not as good as they think. I couldn't go back even if they wanted me to. And they'll never know how selfish I am, because they'll never tell me now."

"I want to be angry because they don't trust me to put them first, as they put me first. But I've hidden so much from them, Mom. I feel like I'm rotting from the inside with these secrets and I can't tell them and I'm scared we'll all keep hiding the bad things, to keep this happiness going. I know that real happiness means that we need to clean the dark corners too, but I don't know what to do anymore."

"I miss everyone now, so much. Just hearing the boys mention them- it made my heart ache. I want to see Momiji-kun- he always understood what I was feeling and he could make me laugh even when I was sad and scared. I never told him how important he was. We left without saying good-bye and I will never be able to tell any of them how important they were to me and now… now I am preventing them from having happiness. No matter what the boys may say or think, it is not them that are keeping me from going back."

"It's me."

"Is this what love is supposed to be like, Mom? I mean, it scares me sometimes how much I need them, how everything else disappears when I see them. How I know that they're hiding something from me and all I can think about is how much it must be hurting them."

Tohru stops for a second, staring hard at the picture frame before she continues.

"I told Kyou about how I thought that he and Yuki had been like riceballs with umeboshi in the back and they had been so busy envying each other's umeboshi that they hadn't even noticed their own. I told him that it didn't seem as much like that anymore, that they both seemed less envious of each other. He told me that that was because I was a much better umeboshi than anything either of them had ever had. They both got to have me, so they only envy each other over having to share me. "

"But what I am supposed to do Mom if one of them doesn't want to share anymore?"

-###-

Yuki graduated with his usual high honors and had no problems opening a small consultant business with a few of his classmates. Although Tohru wondered where Yuki had had the time to make friends, she couldn't really grudge him the ease with which he found partners, started a business and lined up clients. It made her realize how much harder starting her restaurant would have been without his strange charm and skill.

Tohru was completely under the spell of his charm as he showed her his new workplace, pointing out where the designing would take place and cracking jokes about his absent partners. He kept his arms around her the entire time and Tohru could practically feel his happiness moving from his body to hers. They eventually laughed and stumbled in to the office, holding onto each other as they lurched their way to Yuki's desk.

"Mmmm… It's so good to finally spend some time with you- will you let me have the rest of the day with you?"

Tohru smiled up at him and laughed as he pulled her eagerly out to the car and drove her back to the house. They spent the rest of the afternoon planting the garden, talking about the Akachou and Yuki's new business and throwing dirt at one another. When the light started to fade, Yuki stood up and held her against him.

"Let's watch the sunset."

They stood in the garden for nearly half an hour as they watched the sun vanish behind the mountains. Just before it completely disappeared, Yuki turned towards her.

"Tohru?"

"Yes?"

Yuki knelt down before her, reaching out to hold her hands. Tohru was suddenly afraid.

"Tohru… Will you marry me?"

Tohru felt like her lungs were being crushed. She broke out of Yuki's grasp and ran to the house, to the bedroom… to her mother.

-###-

"I don't know what to do Mom. I thought that the boys understood that I couldn't choose between them, that I couldn't do anything that would put one of them over the other. I need to talk to both of them and… and… I don't know what to say. I need you Mom. I need to be able to talk to you. I need to be able to hold a conversation with something other than a photograph!"

Tohru takes a few deep breaths as the tears make their way down her cheeks.

"Or maybe I don't need you. And that's the problem."

"I didn't say, `Please go and come back safely,' that morning and maybe since then, when I talk to you, I am trying to make up for that. Every morning that I wish you happiness takes a little piece of my pain for not saying good-bye. And maybe there are no more pieces left now…."

"This is really hard Mom, but I've decided that I have to stop doing this.

"You told me once that I needed to do things in my own time, in my own way." Tohru stops and takes a deep breath. "I think that this is my time now. I love you but it's time to move on. I-I won't be talking to you again. I don't need to. I know that you're happy and that you're looking after me and that I need to stand on my own now."

Tohru gets up off of the bed and gently places the picture back on the dresser. She pauses in the doorway, turning her head to face the photo.

"Good-bye Mom."

-###-

Reviewer Responses

The quotes from Tohru's Mom are generally paraphrases or direct quotations of things that Kyoko says in the manga/anime. I did make up some of them though- have fun seeing if you can recognize which ones ;) Sorry for the wait and I hope that you enjoyed the chapter!

Neonlite17: I hope you don't mind the wee bit of angst (shuffle, shuffle) this chapter- I promise that things will get better :) I'm actually incapable of writing anything Very Serious for very long because I tend to start laughing at myself. Yeah. I'm not so good at the prolonged drama :) I'm very happy that you think that I'm keeping them in character- it's one of the things that I agonize over with every chapter, trying to balance what needs to be done for the plot with what how I think the character would react (you know you spend way too much time thinking about character interactions when… :) I admit it- I actually "squeed" when you said that you might attempt fanart- I'd looked at your art on DeviantArt and had been very impressed. Whether or not you get the inspiration to draw, I'm just delighted that you saw images in your head that prompted ideas. Basically I have pictures of the scenes in my head the entire time I'm writing and it makes me very happy that someone else gets images too :) It's always a pleasure to hear from you and I hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

Thornwitch: I admit to being a bit of a Grimms' fairy tales wonk (I sort of have a hate relationship with Hans Christian Anderson). The great thing about the original versions of so many of the fairy tales is that they involve strangely partially-consensual sex. And bestiality. Yup- so much more fun to read :) I've sort of combined a couple of ideas from both Japanese and European stories for my own plot to create a truly bastard story-child mishmash of some of those old curse stories…. I love the image of Yuki as a pack rat too- it was far too good to pass up :) As for the relationship, well, there are still a few more plot twists to come :) Great to hear from you again and if you ever get the inclination, I'd love to talk more with a fellow fairy tale enthusiast :) Hope that you enjoy the new chapter!

empressariyana: NB: This review response contains SPOILERS for "Butterfly Effect". I like Akito- I think that she is an interesting, complicated character who is often unfairly viewed as being a one-dimensional madwoman. I do think though that in the manga Kyou, Yuki and, to some extent, Tohru only really see the dark side of her personality based on their own experiences and the stories that they hear. Obviously, since neither of the boys are even aware that Akito is a woman in the manga, there are a lot of things about Akito that they aren't aware of. As for my own story, after ranting about Akito being portrayed as a one-dimensional madwoman, it would be rather unfair of me to only show her that way, now wouldn't it :)? My Akito does have reasons for her actions, but they're very, very tied into the overall plot of the story and I'll just leave the spoilers there. I can see how you would be very frustrated with the story and I appreciate you taking the time to offer constructive criticism.

-Updated 01-09-05-