Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ The Butterfly Effect ❯ I Will Remember ( Chapter 18 )

Author's Notes: “Butterfly Effect” now has pretty pictures courtesy of Onigiri Kitty! I'm a little disturbed that someone figured out my major weakness :) Anyways, the pictures are up on my LiveJournal:

 

www. livejournal. com / users/ anaphalis/ 917 .html

 

and

 

www. livejournal. com / users/ anaphalis/ 452 .html

 

Chapter Summary: Dragons and kitties and rats. Oh my!

 

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya/HAKUSENSHA - TV TOKYO - NAS - Fruba Project.

 

Warning: Rated R for language, implied rape, torture, and adult situations. This chapter: graphic torture.

 

Chapter 18: I Will Remember

 

Sometimes I catch and hold

love and pain, tightly in my arms.

It will fade away, but

I will remember it... Always....

-Noriko Mitose, trans. "Radical Dreamers ~nusumenai houseki" from 'Chrono Cross'

 

Oh gods, it's worse this time, worse than anything that she has ever imagined. Somehow these mental bonds are allowing Akito to physically break her. Tohru can feel Butterfly trying to heal her, but the damage is far too great. Akito is shattering Tohru's bones and grinding them to powder in her body.

 

Akito doesn't seem to care that her life is linked to Tohru's and she has obviously discovered Tohru's curse. She partially transforms Tohru again and again, pulling the butterfly in and out of her breaking body until Tohru is no longer sure if she is human or animal.

 

There is blood everywhere. Tohru can feel liquid in her ears, her eyes, can taste copper in her mouth. She is writhing on the floor, whimpering and sobbing blood.

 

`Oh gods. Make it stop! Please, make it stop!'

 

Butterfly doesn't respond.

 

Tohru thinks that it can't possibly get worse when Akito suddenly pushes her to a new level of pain. Tohru can faintly see pieces of bone and gut breaking through her skin as Akito systematically works her way up Tohru's body.

 

Some distant part of Tohru notices that she can't taste any more blood coming from the back of her mouth and she numbly realizes that her throat has been crushed. There is the cold recognition in what is left of her mind that this is the end. She can't take much more of this.

 

Suddenly there is another presence in her head.

 

Something dark and violent brushes past Butterfly as it moves towards Tohru's links to Akito. At the same time, Tohru becomes aware of strong arms surrounding her body and the presence becomes clear- Cat is in her mind.

 

Tohru is too weak to force him out and soon enough Akito senses Cat through her links to Tohru. "Foolish, worthless monster! How do you think you can stop me? None of the Jyuunishi can harm me."

 

Tohru can feel Cat grin.

 

"I am not Jyuunishi."

 

Then Cat is moving again, biting and clawing in her mind, while Akito shrieks in rage. Tohru is strangely numb and she wonders if she is so far gone that she can no longer feel pain.

 

Cat abruptly stops.

 

Um... I think that we owe the big guy an `early morning special'. With extra tongue.

 

Cat has severed all of Tohru's ties to Akito except the lifeline.

 

-###-

 

Within a few minutes of nearly dying, Butterfly is chatty and obnoxious again.

 

That'll show the bitch! I knew this would all work out!

 

`How could you possibly have known this would work out?'

 

Well it all makes perfect sense.

 

`HOW?'

 

Neither you nor Kyou are Jyuunishi. Kyou has to have some ties to Akito because of the original curse, but you are neither Jyuunishi nor part of that curse. The only tie you need is the lifeline. And Cat's the only one who could destroy your other bonds because he's the only cursed one who can hurt Akito without being hurt himself.

 

'Okay, why couldn't you have realized this five years ago?'

 

Hey, just be thankful that the bitch probably has the headache from hell and you don't need to suffer. Hell, without her interference I can get you healed in no time.

 

'That's nice, but what am I going to say to Yuki and Kyou? I hadn't expected to survive this.'

 

Actually, the big question is how Kyou knew what to do.

 

As it turns out, Tohru doesn't have to say anything to the boys. When the spots in her eyes clear enough for her to see, Yuki is bent over her, stroking her forehead and pressing light kisses to her hand, his face ash-white. Kyou is cradling her in his lap, eyes closed, as he gently rocks her back and forth. He seems to be pulling himself together. When he finally opens his eyes he gives Hatori the blackest glare Tohru has ever seen.

 

"Cat touched Akito's mind in there, Hatori. That was not the mind of a dying woman. What the fuck are you playing at?"

 

Yuki immediately rises from his place beside Tohru and walks towards Hatori. "I told you that if you were coming to hurt her, I would make Akito seem like a pleasant dream. It will be a challenge after that little demonstration, but I think that I am up for it."

 

Hatori is standing a few feet from the three of them, his head bowed. He doesn't move as Yuki approaches him. Tohru tries to make a noise but her throat is far too raw and it feels like her vocal chords are crushed.

 

'Please Butterfly, make it so I can talk. I can't let Yuki hurt Hatori.'

 

It's gonna hurt like hell, sweetie.

 

'I don't care.'

 

It's your funeral. But we really need some better ways for you to get off on pain.

 

Butterfly wasn't kidding. Tohru feels like knives are being jabbed into her throat when she speaks. "No.... Yuki.... Stop...."

 

Yuki stops moving but he seems to be shaking from the effort. He spins around and Tohru realizes that the shaking is actually sobbing. He takes a few steps back to her, and collapses, burying his face in her newly-healed stomach. "You were being torn apart... and you were screaming and screaming... and I couldn't do anything. You didn't even recognize us.... You were going to die Tohru and there was nothing I could do to help you.... If Kyou's cat hadn't told him what to do...."

 

Yuki is overcome by sobs. Tohru realizes that she is shaking as well and that Kyou is convulsing above her. Kyou makes a high-pitched keening noise before pressing his face into the hollow of her neck. His tears wash over her neck and chest, while Yuki's pool on her stomach, mixing with the drying blood. Tohru isn't sure when she started sobbing, but it hurts her throat even worse than speaking. "I'm so sorry.... I couldn't let you be hurt.... I'm so sorry...."

 

There is a strangled sob from somewhere in front of them and Tohru realizes that Hatori is still standing there, watching them. Apparently the boys realize it too.

 

“Why did you lie to us, Hatori?” Kyou's quiet coldness is far more frightening than his normal yelling.

 

Hatori is shaking, as if he's just realizing what has happened.

 

“The price for leaving Tohru alone was to get you two to come back. I swear I had no idea about Tohru's promise!”

 

Silence.

 

“She knew! The fucking bitch knew Tohru would tell us!”

 

Something doesn't make sense to Tohru. Since Butterfly has basically healed her throat she makes the mistake of saying it out loud. “I don't understand why she would do this- I mean she is lifebound to me now…. Although maybe she didn't know….”

 

There is a brief silence.

 

“Lifebound!”

 

“What the fuck, Tohru!?!”

 

`Oops. I guess I didn't tell them, did I?'

 

Nope. Time for some major kiss ass damage control.

 

Again, Tohru is spared from commenting because Hatori speaks. He is obviously trying to get himself under control, but the fine tremor in his hands betrays his outward calm.

 

“Actually that makes sense. Speaking as her physician, Akito should have been dead by now. Ever since you left she's been in even worse pain than she was before, but she doesn't seem to be getting physically worse. If her life is connected to yours she would remain stable physically even if the pain of the curse is getting worse.”

 

“Is there anything else that you need to tell us, Tohru?”

 

“I… I don't think so.”

 

Why didn't you tell them about the Jade God, about what the butterfly really means?

 

'I-I don't know. Somehow they seem like things that I shouldn't say. I'm not going to confuse everyone with distractions.'

 

“If Tohru doesn't have anything else to tell us, then I think it is time for Hatori's little talk. And it better be fucking good, dragon.”

 

Hatori still looks dazed. He sounds almost as if he is talking to himself when he finally speaks.

 

“She was spoilt and selfish, but never like this. She really did love us I think." Yuki shifts slightly beside Tohru, but doesn't interrupt.

 

"But now- it's like she's gone completely insane. Shigure wouldn't tell her where you'd gone. And-“ Here Hatori takes a deep breath. “Akito was always kindest to Shigure out of all of us. They enjoyed their games together I think. But when he said he didn't know where you were- well, she found the only punishment that could break Shigure. It didn't even matter that he was telling the truth.”

 

“What did she do, Hatori?”

 

Hatori shakes his head. “He was being monitored but he slipped his watchers nearly half a year ago. I hope… I hope that distance took away the control.”

 

“What did she do, Hatori?”

 

But now that Hatori has started speaking, he seems determined to continue. “Momiji really took the brunt of this… insanity. Akito made him move into the main house after graduation. When she was in her worst moments, she thought that he was Yuki. I gave him some… information and he ran two months ago.”

 

Tohru feels sick to her stomach, but Hatori keeps going.

 

“When I saw the review I destroyed that part of the newspaper before Akito saw it. I was honestly just happy that you were alive and doing well. But Ritsu... he's always been a little thoughtless. He gets nervous around Akito and well... he started babbling when he was helping me check her. He brought up how much the woman in the paper looked like 'our Tohru' even though her name was different."

 

Hatori lets out a long shuddering sigh.

 

“You can imagine her reaction. I thought as quickly as I could- I said that I would find out what Ritsu was talking about. I told her that Ritsu would be more than capable of taking care of her needs while I was gone. The whole reason he became a doctor was to replace me when my lack of sleep started making me unreliable. You have no idea how determined she was to bring you back. I thought that I convinced her that I could use you to find the boys and that if I brought the boys back she'd have no need for you. Obviously I was wrong.”

 

“The address of the restaurant was in the review. After making sure that there were no other copies of the paper at the compound, I came here. I thought that I'd find one of the boys if I found you, and maybe an idea of where the other one was. I had no idea that I'd find a complete package. Your employees are very loyal. I had to say that I was an old friend of yours from a long way back and bring up all sorts of personal details before they'd give me the address.”

 

'Personal details?'

 

Maybe it's best we don't know. Never figured Hatori for a perv... Guess it's always the quiet ones.

 

“The story was the only way I could think of to get the boys to come. She said that she would hire a private investigator if I wasn't successful. She promised that no harm would come to you if the boys came back!”

 

Hatori stops and meets Tohru's eyes.

 

"I want out. If what you've said is true, then you have some of the same abilities as Akito. We, the older Jyuunishi- there are things we know about the curse that the younger ones don't. If you have some of the god powers, as a Jyuunishi, I should be able to form a partial bond with you that might at least reduce the effect of Akito's bond. Now that she's lifebound to you, there's no telling how long she'll live. I have served her loyally since we were both children, but I'm through. If I have to choose my god, I'll choose you."

 

As Tohru stares in shock, Hatori drops to his knees in front of her, pressing his face to her feet.

 

"I have betrayed you and yours, but I humble myself before you in repentance. Will the Jade God accept his dragon child at the banquet?"

 

"Hatori... what are you doing? Please, please stop. You're scaring me."

 

He looks up, and the ice mask has dropped. He is openly vulnerable, fear lurking in the depths of his eyes. "Do you reject me?”

 

"No! Of course not! Do what you need to do."

 

He presses his lips to her feet. Tohru can vaguely hear Kyou and Yuki shouting behind her but she is swallowed in a brilliant flash of light.

 

-###-

 

Tohru is floating in the air, images flashing past her at an alarming rate. Somehow either she has shrunk or her animal has grown because she is riding on Butterfly's back.

 

Hold on tight, sweetie. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

 

Butterfly is dodging the images as best it can, but there are too many of them and inevitably they are hit by one.

 

Tohru is standing in the snow, Butterfly perched on her wrist. A couple is watching the snow fall, the man's arm around the woman's waist. They turn and Tohru gasps. The woman looks a bit like Tohru and the man is a younger, happier Hatori. The woman laughs, "Don't be so sad about the snow. Remember- snow melts into spring." Hatori looks down at her, his love clearly visible. "You are my spring."

 

Then Tohru is back on Butterfly's back, flying past more images.

 

Well at least we know where we are now.

 

'We do?'

 

Hatori's mind, sweetheart. Although I'm pretty sure that this wasn't what he had in mind when he opened his soul to you.

 

'He did WHAT?'

 

Um... don't worry about it for right now. We have to get that bond established before we do permanent damage in here or one of his memories damage us.

 

Almost as if the memories understand Butterfly, they are sideswiped by another image.

 

It is so dark that it takes almost a full minute to adjust her eyes. She can hear a soft whimpering noise and she gasps in horror when she sees the much younger Yuki curled in a little ball in the corner. Don't. 'What do you mean?' Don't try to touch him. This is the past, sweetheart. It's only a memory. Suddenly light spills into the room. Hatori enters with a medical kit and a washbasin. Yuki looks up, "Please, Hatori. You can't let me stay here. Please let me go." Hatori drops to his knees and wipes the cloth over Yuki's torn and bleeding sides. "I can't, Yuki. Akito is my god." Yuki turns to him, eyes fever bright. "So when your god tells you to erase my friends' memories, to clean me up because he's raped me, you agree with him?" Hatori bows his head. "I do as I am told."

 

Tohru holds back a choked sob. 'Why do I have to see this, Butterfly? If I can't help, what reason is there to see this pain?'

 

I don't think that there has to be a reason, sweetie. I think that we are just running into the things that Hatori thinks the most about.

 

Apparently by answering her, Butterfly was distracted from watching the images. There is no time to swerve before they collide.

 

A young girl is chasing birds while an older teenage boy watches her. The girl laughs and turns and Tohru gasps. The girl is Akito. "Watch me Hatori! Watch me!" She spins around in circles before falling on the grass. "Careful, you don't want to hurt yourself." She sticks out her tongue, violet eyes shining. "You're no fun. And I'm a god- I can do whatever I want and you have to obey me." Hatori executes a mock bow. "I do as I am told." Suddenly a slight frown passes over Akito's face. "But do you love me?" Hatori smiles- a slow, beautiful grin. "Of course, little bird."

 

'I don't understand this- any of this.'

 

What? That Akito wasn't a complete monster or that Hatori was really hot as a teenager? Yum!

 

'I never thought that Akito was a monster until-'

 

Until you went through what Yuki had already gone through for years. You know, sometimes you're a little hypocritical, sweetheart.

 

Tohru is so busy thinking this over that she doesn't notice until they are already in the middle of the next memory.

 

Saki and Arisa are standing in front of Shigure's, tapping their feet. "Where is she? She was supposed to meet us half an hour ago- it's not like her to be late. And no one's answering the door." "If she said that she'd meet us, she'll be here." They are so intent on staring at Shigure's door that they don't see Hatori come up behind them and press his hands to their foreheads. They both sway and Hatori tries to stabilize them as they go limp. Shigure appears beside him and grabs Saki while Hatori grabs Arisa. "I gave them the message as you asked. Tell me though, was it really necessary to erase their memories of Tohru's mother as well?" Hatori's face is expressionless as he gently sets Arisa down. "I do as I am told."

 

`Hana-chan…. Uo-chan….'

 

There is no time for that now, sweetie. Mourn them later- right now we have to survive this.

 

Tohru fights back the tears and gets her breathing under control. When she lifts her head, her eyes widen in horror. There is a large image coming rapidly towards them. Tohru feels Butterfly freeze underneath her.

 

No matter what we see next, swear that you won't try to interfere. You do anything here and you could destroy all three of us.

'What do you know, Butterfly? Why would I try to interfere?'

 

Promise me!

 

'I promise.'

 

And they are swept in.

 

"You betrayed me, Hatori." Hatori is kneeling, head bowed in front of an eerily calm Akito. Akito runs her fingers along the side of his cheek. "Why do you pretend you don't know what happened to Honda-san? I can get in your mind more easily than any of the other Jyuunishi- our abilities bind us together. Do you really want me to demonstrate to you again why your loyalty and love should only be for me?" Hatori's voice is a bare rasp. "I am loyal to you." Akito hisses and a fine line of blood appears on Hatori's cheek. "What makes you happy, Hatori?" Hatori answers numbly, as if from long practice. "My love for you, my obedience to you makes me happy." Hatori doubles over as if he has been punched in the stomach. Blood appears at the corner of his mouth. "What makes you happy, Hatori?" Hatori sways from side to side; dark bruises on his face and visible skin. "My god makes me happy." Hatori is choking now as if his lungs are no longer working properly. "What makes you happy, Hatori?" Hatori's eyes glaze. "Spring." And the world goes black.

 

Tohru understands now.

 

`I did this. Akito hurt Hatori because of me.'

 

So?

 

`What do you mean, `So?'!'

 

So what? Are you going to be like Kana? Will you let the guilt eat you for something that you didn't do until you can no longer stand the sight of Hatori?

 

`No! I would never do that to Hatori!'

 

Then let the blame rest with the one who deserves it.

 

There are tears on Tohru's cheeks. 'What happened to her? Why did she become like this?'

 

Save your sympathy for those who need it.

 

The images are slowing down- Butterfly isn't having any troubles avoiding them now.

 

I'm the best! It isn't easy to steer when all you can do is flutter, but I rock!

 

That is when they crash into the dragon.

 

Tohru has fallen off Butterfly, and she instinctively floats backwards when she sees the animal in front of her. He is beautiful- shiny and slender, but his eyes are ancient and Tohru is afraid of their too-knowing gaze.

 

Don't be scared. There's something familiar about him…. Let me think for a minute or two.

 

"Can you talk?"

 

The dragon mournfully shakes his head. Tohru feels a sudden surge of pity.

 

"Are you trapped here somehow? Can I help you?"

 

The dragon nods twice.

 

'Who is he?'

 

Tohru feels a surge of excitement from Butterfly.

 

He's the real deal.

 

'What do you mean?'

 

This is what Hatori's animal form is supposed to look like.

 

"You are Hatori's true form?"

 

The dragon nods his head slowly.

 

'How am I supposed to help him, Butterfly? I don't even know why I'm here. I certainly don't know why Hatori turns into a baby dragon when he's supposed to turn into an adult dragon.'

 

I don't think that you need to know, sweetie. Remember what you did for Cat?

 

'I didn't do anything for Cat- I just accepted Kyou in Cat's form.... Oh.... How would that work for this?'

 

Just trust me.

 

'If this goes wrong... get yourself out of here.'

 

As flattering as it is that you are concerned about my safety, if you die in here I go with you. So don't fuck up.

 

Tohru floats over to the dragon and gently places her hand on his head. He butts up against it and…purrs? She keeps stroking over the ridge on his forehead and starts talking.

 

"I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do. I didn't expect to meet you. Actually I didn't expect to be here at all. Hatori said that he wanted to form a bond with me, but so far I haven't seen anything of him except his memories. Butterfly says that somehow I have to accept you to make this work. But last time, I didn't really do anything except accept all of the person I love...."

 

Tohru stops and looks into those ancient, pain-filled eyes. "That's it, isn't it? You're a part of Hatori that's somehow been hidden away and I have to love you both enough to bring you out."

 

The dragon gives her a sloppy lick with his tongue. Encouraged, Tohru wraps her arms around his neck and keeps talking. "I've always loved Hatori, I think. He was so kind to me, even when he was suspicious of me. I know that he didn't defend me in front of Akito, that he didn't help Yuki, that he erased my friends' memories, but it must be so hard for him to have to be loyal to the family and still be fair to everyone else. Not getting involved must have seemed like the fairest choice. But he did get involved- he helped us leave and he has suffered for it ever since. He is so much more than his power- he is a good man, a compassionate man. I am proud to be his friend."

 

Suddenly Hatori is there beside her, staring at the dragon. "I have failed all of you so many times- I let Yuki be hurt, Kyou be abandoned, I failed to prevent Akito from hurting you. My ability has only caused pain and suffering. I am not worthy of this form or of your love."

 

And Tohru understands. She speaks and it is as if someone else is speaking through her. "You are worthy of growing up, of the power that has been given to you, of the love I feel for you. No more guilt, no more fear. You have done well, my child. I am proud to welcome the dragon child to my banquet." She hugs Hatori and the dragon close to her and they are all swallowed by light.

 

-###-

 

Reviewer Responses

 

Miko no Tears and Aya: You know, I think you're the first person to catch the RK reference- I could very much see Kyoko being a descendent of Kenshin, but that's just my own opinion. I'm really glad that you like the direction of the story- it's only going to get twistier :) Don't worry about not reviewing- I'm honestly just happy that you're enjoying the story. If you didn't mind, would it be possible to let me know how you found Hatori out of character? Please feel free to e-mail me if you have the time or inclination and if that would be more comfortable than leaving a review. I very much appreciate the constructive criticism and I would really like to know how I'm straying so that I can correct things in future chapters :) Thank-you for taking the time to leave me such a thoughtful and involved review- it was good to hear from you again :)

 

Kuramas gurl: Well, I guess you won't have many problems them if you got over the hentai thing…. Thank you for taking the time to review again- I hope that you enjoy the new chapter :)

 

AnimeFan: Yes- both Anita and Butterfly have a smart-mouth, cynical, sarcastic outlook- I can see some resemblance :) There aren't a huge number of books written in present tense- it tends to be used more for short stories. Of course, I'm a total masochist so I like to do things the hard way :) I'm really glad that you're continuing to enjoy the story and it was great to hear from you again!

 

NikeShuu: You know, the expression on Hatori's face was one of my clearest mental images for this chapter :) I think that what happened with Akito was ultimately something that Tohru was going to be forced to confront one way or another, so although the price was high, in the end she won some measure of freedom from the confrontation. And yes, my motto is “Expect the unexpected.” followed closely by “I'm evil. I like cliffies.”. I'm really happy that you're enjoying the story- it's always a pleasure to hear from you :)

 

Usuki: You are the first person on either site to guess that quote. A million points to you! The quote is indeed from “Memory” in Cats which was loosely based on the poem, “Preludes” by T.S. Eliot. Great job!

 

Updated 02-12-05