Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ The Monster I Call Me ❯ One-Shot

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Title: The Monster I Call Me
Author: Kentra Shinataku
Anime: Fruits Basket
Pairings: Kyou + Yuki
Archive: No where, ::whimpers:: my site is Gundam Wing… it doesn't fit…
Category: Angst
Rating: PG
Spoilers: If you haven't seen the entire series, I strongly suggest you don't read this.
Warnings: Ficlet, Kyou POV, shounen ai,
Disclaimer: Does it look like I own anything? Don't you think I'd be getting my lovely team of animators to draw this rather than write it and post it as fan fiction if I did? No, I own nothing but my notebooks, pens, and such.
Feedback: I don't expect any, but it would be appreciated.
Summary: An introspective, short, ficlet about Kyou's confused emotions.
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The Monster I Call Me

Things aren't always what they seem, I was told, I should accept myself for who… or what I am. The fact that the stupid beads around my wrist are all that can protect me from the world actually scares me. I've got my beads and I've got my aggressive attitude, and I think the latter may be my stronger defense. Anger was always a weapon I could wield so easily to shield myself, to keep anybody from coming too close to discover the truth. By now, my angry defense has grown so powerful that it's hard to control, by now, I can't let people get close even if I want them to. Or if they would even want to get close to me, which I doubt anybody but Tohru would even try.

The one I want to be close to, to connect with most, I know will never give me the chance. I don't even have to ask, I don't have to try, not now that I've made it clear to him that I hate him. Maybe it's a stupid infatuation like the silly girls at school. Maybe it's more. Why is it so ridiculous that I have feelings for him? He's beautiful, smart, and no matter how much I hate to admit, he's stronger than me. So what is there to hate about him? How could I hate him? Oh right: he's the mouse and I'm the cat, he's the beauty and I'm the… beast. I could never tell him what I can barely admit to myself. I'm jealous of him. He's got everyone's attention, and in their eyes, he can do no wrong. He acts kind toward people, no matter what, a skill I never quite mastered and only can dream of finding. And he actually belongs in the Souma family. I belong alone. He runs away from it, and it's what I want. It seems both of us want what the other has. Could he be jealous of me, too?

But Yuki couldn't handle being me, hiding a monstrosity inside himself. He couldn't handle being hideous, being an outcast. He wants to be abandoned, he wants to be alone, he doesn't want to be accepted in the Souma house, but he doesn't think of the curse he would carry if he were me. He wouldn't want that. Then again, no one would. Anyone who did would be crazy.

I can't help thinking that if we weren't living under this curse, we would get along. We'd be two normal teenage boys in school with no real reason to hate each other, and maybe he'd feel something for me, return my feelings. Too bad I'm not so lucky. I'm not as stupid as I seem, I know things can never work out the way I want them to, or any cheap replication of it. I know that I'll never have him. The only way I could feel Yuki against my skin would be in a fight. I just have to keep getting stronger. I have to prove to Yuki that there is something inside of me, something worthwhile, something better than what I really am. I've got to become someone better than the monster I call me.
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