Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ The Talk ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.

AN: This is my first attempt at a one shot. Ergo, I give you a whole three pages. If it sucks, I'm sorry. Forgive me. Other then that, enjoy!

Devil_62 ^.^

The two Sohmas left Shigeru's study, eyes wide, silent and very disturbed. Kyo blinked and glanced at his cousin. Had he heard sensei right? Or had it just been misinterpretation? One glance at Yuki clarified that he hadn't heard wrong. "Do you think..." he began.

"Drop it."

"But..."

"I said drop it, baka neko."

Kyo fell uncharacteristically silent at the command. He was shaken. Was it just him or was it warmer in the house?

Yuki was not in any better shape. He felt as if he was about to collapse and die. Maybe that would be okay. Considering the embarrassment he would avoid, he'd go willingly. He swallowed the dry lump that had formed in his throat and wiped his palms against his pants.

The two slowly made their way towards the dining area, wishing, praying, hoping with all their might that their little flower was not home. That she went out shopping. That she was visiting Uo-chan and Hana-chan. That she was anywhere but in the house.

Yeah right.

Opening the shoji, they found her bent over her school bag, giving them a clear view of her pinky, lacy panties. They both froze. Yuki choked as Kyo scrabbled to grasp the doorframe so he wouldn't fall flat on his face. She turned to the pair, a look of annoyance plastered on her face.

"Kyo-kun, Yuki-kun, my banana exploded in my bag. There is white goo everywhere," Tohru told them matter-of-factly.

That was too much for Yuki. He slid to the floor and covered his eyes with his hand. He didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry. Maybe he should do both. Kyo had enough sense left to shut the door before he collapsed and placed his hands in his lap. Why? After what Shigeru had just told them? Why today?

-Flashback-

The dog zodiac smiled at the two as they took the seats opposite of him. His easy grin was wider then usual and he wanted to bask in this moment of anticipation. It was time he pushed a few buttons. And maybe, just maybe, initiate something that was a long time in coming. He kept silent, observing Yuki and Kyo shift in the uncomfortable bamboo style seats that he had purchased just for this occasion. He cleared his throat and tapped the desk with his quill.

"What do want already?" Kyo spat, hands flexing against the arms of the chair. He had better things to do. He didn't have time for this.

Shigeru's smile became broader, if that was even possible. "I have decided that it's about time to broach this subject. You are both long overdue for. . . `the talk'," he informed them as he leaned over the surface that separated them.

"The talk?" Yuki wasn't in the mood for games. He had a student council meeting in half an hour. Either Shigeru got to the point or he'd leave. "What talk?"

"You know, the birds and the bees."

Both boys twitched and then flushed. "What!?"

"Oh, come now, you two," Shigeru scoffed, his lecherous smirk giving a glimpse of what path his thoughts were traveling, "you can't go through life being ignorant of this natural part of the human cycle. Of course, with the curse, we have to do things a little differently, but . . ."

"That's enough!" Kyo shouted and stood. He stomped towards the door and Yuki rose to follow.

"Ah ah ah," Shigeru interjected, waving his finger back and forth. "Don't be leaving so soon. I'd hate for Akito to stumble across this." He held a photo out before him. It was the one of Yuki in a dress when Hatori snapped a picture of the unsuspecting zodiacs. "I was able to snag it off Haa-san before he passed it to our loving leader," he explained as he crooked his finger. He pointed to the seats.

Yuki snarled and sat in the chair, slightly relieved that the picture hadn't made it to Akito's hands. Kyo wasn't so easily swayed.

"Keh. I don't care. You've got nothing on me," he snapped and opened the shoji, stepping out.

"I think Kagura has been looking for a place to stay lately. You have extra space in your room, ne?"

The neko stopped dead and slid the door shut. He took his place next to the rat and shivered involuntarily. Kagura in his room with him? He'd never live through the night.

Heck, he probably wouldn't even get to his bed before he was beaten to a bloody pulp. That, or she'd kill him from excitement over the news.

Shigeru stood and turned his back to them. He closed his eyes and reveled in his momentary power over them. After a moment he simply said, "Sex is a good thing."

The two teens shifted in the chairs, the red stain marking their cheeks spreading quickly.

The dog turned and nearly chuckled with glee. "It provides the human race with a means of reproduction, but that is not its only faucet. It can also be pleasurable. Only one other species on this planet `mates' for fun. The dolphin. But that's something else entirely. You see, this euphoric delight can only be found in the arms of another, no matter what some people care to think. And that brings me to another matter."

He paused and his dark eyes danced as he gazed at his wards. His talk was about to take a drastic turn, one that he doubted any sane parent had ever considered. "There is the matter of bisexuality and the infamous ideals of the yuri and yaoi pairings."

Both heads snapped up and four eyes, wider then saucers, gaped at him. He nearly chuckled, but smothered it with a small cough. This was no time to fall to pieces. "It is perfectly normal lifestyle, if you choose to accept it. Bisexuality is where you find both genders attractive. Yuri is when two females discover feelings for one another and yaoi is the same for males. Bisexuality is an interesting choice because the person can choose from both sexes and arrange himself, or herself, as the case may be, in a variety and nearly limitless plethora of positions."

Shigeru continued in this manner for a good twenty minutes, every once and a while jotting down a particularly good alliteration or description. Both neko and nezumi were spellbound, despite themselves. They weren't unenlightened in the subject, but it seemed that the older man had a deeper knowledge of the topic. One that came from experience. And this made the boys curious. And as they say, `Curiosity killed the cat.'

"Shigeru," Kyo interposed, "how the hell do you know all this? What did you do have some massive orgy and ask everyone afterwards how they felt about it?"

The sensei's serious facade dissipated and he smiled impishly at him. His fingers laced in front of him as reclaimed his seat. "Why Kyo-kun! How did you ever know?"