Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Whitewashed Anchor ❯ Push ( Chapter 4 )

C Title: Push

LJ Author: pikapicokitt

Theme: Our Distance and That Person

Fandom: Fruits Basket

Pairing: Akito x Yuki

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Fruits Basket is property of its original creator; I can only be credited for the story idea. The song “Push” and the selected lyrics I've chosen from it are property of Matchbox Twenty.

Spoiler warning ahead!!

 

 

~She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough~

 

Akito lay on top of him for a long time as he sobbed, hands covering his face in some sort of shame at what had just happened. She would have moved, his sounds were aggravating, but she found no strength to do so. She was always immobile for a while after sex. The erratic beat of his heart was entrancing against her ear, his panic and sorrow echoing from his chest and she almost wondered if he might be able to feel hers where it was pressed against his stomach. Akito was slightly curious by the way he was reacting; if he had indeed enjoyed it, had she done things correct enough that he'd had no choice but to love the erotic feelings she'd bestowed upon him. Sometimes, like now, she was calmed, slightly caring with the bits of orgasm still lingering in her. Her fingers traced over the skin on the inside of his arm, rather adoringly, as if he were something precious; though in a few minutes she wouldn't care a thing for him anymore. “You're mine now. Like Kureno and Shigure.”

 

~I'm a little bit rusty~

 

Yuki's sobs fell, quieted, and the sentence nagged at his mind as he thought about it. “They too, have been with you…like-like this?” He was stuttering, frightened of her rage even more than before, terrified she might do something even worse than this; if that was possible. “Of course, whenever I ask” She pushed herself slowly up, her arms shaking a little as exhaustion was begging to set in. “Do-do they enjoy it?” Akito stopped at the question, staring down at him as she tried desperately to continue hovering but couldn't and soon just sat up, hands on his chest. “I would assume so, who could not enjoy sex? Did you not enjoy it?” The horrid truth flashed through Yuki's eyes and it took everything within him not to cry again. “I didn't want to…” Akito snorted, scowling as she dug her nails slightly into his flesh. “There are many things I don't want to do, cope.”

 

~And I think my head is caving in~

 

“It's not the same…” The comment earned Yuki a slap to the face, his hand clamping over the harsh sting that trickled through his jaw. When her weight finally lifted from his body Yuki rolled onto his side, curling into himself, hand still pushed against his face. He felt grotesquely bare now that her body was not covering his, he also felt the stab of loneliness with her warmth gone. During the horrific experience he had seen a side of Akito he had never even thought about before. As much as she was satisfying herself she had been trying to make him enjoy it as well, touching him, kissing him in ways no normal rapist would have. His original view of her… no the man he had thought she'd been was shattered, and only in a few hours. Even his view on the world was a little askew with the emotions and feelings running through him.

 

~And I don't know if I've ever been truly loved~

 

Slipping her kimono back on and into the proper placement, Akito settled back in the chair she had been adorning. It took Yuki a few minutes to roll over and sit up, to retrieve his strewn about clothing and ever so slowly pull it back on. He was shaken in every possible way, destroyed and left with not even the semblance of concern. Akito let out a long, dragged out sigh as she peered out the window. It was still raining, though the pitter-patter had grown lighter against the window and roof. Laying her head on the pillow of her arms on the table she shut her eyes, tired from the exertion she had just engaged in. Her mind wandered, to people, places, and items she didn't wish to even think about but did all the same. As Yuki watched her, the line of her body a shadowy curve around the table, he saw for the first time a lonely, broken figure of a woman.

 

~By a hand that's touched me~

 

When the dark clouds had finally parted, and the rain stopped, Yuki left the slumbering Akito in her place at the table. His original reason for being here came to mind but he had no will left to even talk to Hatsuharu. Yuki was still rather shaken. His errand for Shigure had been fulfilled and all Yuki wanted now was to go home; return to the confines of his comfortable room. He jerked away from the hand that settled on his shoulder, staring wide-eyed at Hatori. It took Yuki a few moments to convey thoughts into words as he gulped that shock down. “Ha…Hatori-nii, you surprised me. How is the maid? Akito-san didn't hurt her too bad, did s…he” He swallowed another lump in his throat; it was going to be more difficult than expected to not slip. Her words rang through his mind, he didn't know if there was any punishment worse that what he had just experienced, but if anyone could find one, Akito would be it. Hatori's eyebrow rose at the slip but he said nothing about it. “It seems the wounds were not as bad as I had previously thought, she should be just fine.”

 

~Well, I feel like something's gonna' give~

 

Yuki nodded a few times though he really wasn't hearing what Hatori had to say, or even caring for that matter. Only when Hatori set both hands on his shoulders and tried to steady him, did Yuki realize he was shaking. Shock sets in differently for everyone and Yuki was finally feeling its effects as the tears ran down his face. Hatori sighed, his head lowering as he steered the shattered boy into his office and sat him down. The doctor was never good with feelings, or helping people to understand them, though he knew Yuki needed someone there right now. Hatori didn't have to guess what Akito had done to the boy, though he did always question her motives. It was becoming tiriesome guessing why she did such horrible things to people without any remorse. Rubbing Yuki's back, the most support he could give, Hatori let the cursed rat cry on him until there was nothing left.

 

~And I'm a little bit angry~

 

When Hatori had finally sent home a reasonably calm Yuki, he moved down the hall with a little more purpose than usual. Tapping on the door he was glad to see Akito was awake and moving around, confronting a tired Akito was a death wish. “Hnn, Hatori, what a surprise to see you, what can I do for you?” She smirked; moving back toward the center of the room, she already knew by the soft glare on his features what this was about. “Why, Akito? Haven't you damaged that boy enough? He's not some sort of play toy like you've made with the other two.” Akito sat down in her chair, crossing one leg over the other as she stared at her doctor with the utmost amusement. “He isn't? Aren't you all just my little playthings? What makes him special?” She stood, ever so slowly and Hatori felt the whip even before she tugged harshly on his hair to bring his face level with hers. “Are you forgetting something, Hatori? I keep you all living. I am your god. You dare defy my judgment on how to treat my Jyunnishi?” A coy grin spread across her face as he shook his head.

 

~This ain't over, no not here~

 

Akito growled, tapping her nails on the table before her, Hatori's arrogance having set off another foul mood. How dare he tell her how to act or treat others? A thought jolted her and she grinned maliciously. Even if Yuki hadn't outright spoken it, he'd let someone else know. She ignored the fact that Hatori already knew she was female, how could he not? It was a sick way of twisting the little rat even more within her grasp, a new way to torment and suffocate him with her wicked ways. She'd make him enjoy it again, no, she'd make him long for her, desire her in ways that destroyed his feeble little mind. She would let him calm, give him a few days to try and understand what had happened, because Yuki always analyzed the shit out of everything. When he was sure he'd found the logic to it all, she'd call him back; desecrate his body again in ways he couldn't even imagine. She'd make him want her and then leave him hanging dry. With a proud smile she retired to bed, kicking Kureno out of her way.

 

~Not while I still need you around~

 

Yuki tossed and turned in his sleep, dreams and nightmares both tormenting his subconscious. He dreamt of Tohru, loving and sweet, recalling the time she had asked to remain his friend. The dream quickly turned naughty, he would question this when he woke. He'd never dreamt of her in such a way before; on the contrary, he'd never really had a sexual dream before. The happy shades turned wicked quickly, the form riding him in his sleep morphing into this ugly monster with fangs and claws. Taking a closer look he found it wasn't really the sort of creature he was making it, looking closer…

Akito jerked into a sitting position, sweat trickling down her face as she gasped for breath. She jerked her wild eyes in Kureno's direction when he too sat up and questioned her distress. Her shoulder's shook slightly before she waved him off, lying back down. “Nothing, just a bad dream.” Kureno nodded, wrapping his larger frame around her in case she needed the support. Akito sighed, settling her forehead against his chest, her fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. Some nights, she could almost pretend his large frame was really that of Shigure, only the dog never stayed around after he'd obtained what he wanted. Tonight was one of those nights when she needed the warm arms and the make-believe.

 

~She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me~

 

“Sohma-kun, are you alright? You haven't touched your breakfast…do you not like it?” Tohru's soft frown shot through him and he sighed, pushing the plate away. “I'm just not feeling very hungry this morning, Honda-san. It has nothing to do with your cooking, I assure you.” Tohru nodded, taking the plate and returning the untouched portions with the rest of the morning's meal. Her worry was overly evident on her face; Yuki was acting very unusual this morning. She understood that it took him awhile to sort of, well, click on in the morning, but he was normally cheerful and talkative by this point. “Are you sure you are alright, Sohma-kun?” She would try one more time and then ignore the sorrow lines on his face until he did something very un-Yuki-like. “I'm fine.” Yuki stood, excusing himself from the table and earning himself varied reactions from the eating household. Shigure stroked his chin; Tohru hadn't been the only one to notice how off Yuki was this morning. He'd actually noticed it when Yuki had refused to even deal with Kyo's ignorance this morning; Yuki had ignored him completely.

 

~Like I'm a little untrusting~

 

“Why is it everyone always assumes I have something to do with someone's ill-manner?” Akito gave an aggravated look in Shigure's direction as he questioned Yuki's odd behavior with her. “I wasn't assuming it was your fault, Akito, I was just asking if you happened to know why Yuki was being so odd. It happened after he visited yester..” Shigure jerked to the side as something went whizzing by his head, an ornament of some kind it had looked like. “Oh bull, you're pointing all the blame in my direction. What business is it of yours if I did mess with the boy anyhow? It's not like you're going to spank me and call me a bad girl.” Akito scowled at the perverted look on Shigure's face. “What exactly did you do to him, Akito?” Shigure cowered slightly at the wide sneer that had grown on her face; he was about to learn that his one guess was truer than he wished it to be. “Wouldn't you just love to know?”

 

~When I think the truth is gonna' hurt ya'~

 

Yuki startled from his daze, staring a little wide-eyed at Tohru. “Are you sure you're alright, Sohma-kun? You've been dozing off all day, do you feel sick?” Yuki sighed, offering Tohru an apologetic smile. “I think perhaps I might be feeling a little ill… I'll go to the nurse's office and lie down for a little bit.” He scooted out of the chair, explaining the pathetic excuse to the teacher before leaving. He didn't want Tohru to worry anymore than she already was, it's not like he could tell her about it even if he wasn't feeling so ashamed about the events. Most of his dilemma wasn't just that Akito had used him and made him feel dirty, it was that he couldn't get over the fact he had actually enjoyed some of it. Such was the curse of being male, where there was no pain he couldn't help feel the pleasure from it all. His worry was that she would try something again, and if she did, would he enjoy it just as much, even more?

 

~You couldn't stand to be near me~

 

“You really did….” Shigure shook his head, he couldn't understand this woman anymore now than he did at the beginning. Her motives were always lost to everyone, probably even herself. He figured she didn't even understand why she went to such extremes, it always tied back to the pathetic excuse for a mother she had. Shigure scowled at the amused laughter coming from her, her form sprawled wantonly across her seemingly favored chair. “He was so pathetic, a little sobbing ball of pity because he enjoyed it and didn't know how to react.” Shigure frowned, standing, preparing for the blows he would receive at his upcoming comment. “Not unlike yourself the first time, Akito.” Her eyes widened and she scowled, recalling the loss of her virginity though it had not been rape. “They are nothing alike, I was crying from pain, not pleasure. You wouldn't even really know. It's not like you were my first.” Indeed he hadn't been, she'd given that privilege to Kureno so as to keep him.

 

~And you, you don't know me~

 

“No, I wasn't, that was the fault of your impatience.” Shigure hissed as her nails scrapped across his face with the slap she adorned him with. “Don't you speak to me like you know how I feel!” His eyes were slammed shut, his fists clenched at his sides as he tried hard not to yell back at her. He had to keep his calm; it was something he had over her. “No, I don't know how you feel, Akito. No one knows how you feel.” He blinked at the snort she gave him and the `precisely' that followed the action. “You don't pay enough attention to even guess what I'm feeling. Until I see you before me of your own free will you will never begin to understand.” She sat back down, features curved in a disconcerting frown. “I am here of my own free will, you didn't ask me here today.” She growled, becoming even angrier at his unknown mockery. “You are not, you are here because of the boy, whom you can do nothing about. Now leave, you got your answers, get out of my sight.” She watched his back until the door shut, and only then did she lower her head and sigh with the distance that had grown between them.

 

~Things get so crazy, crazy~

 

Hatori stared at the person in the doorway, blinking several times as if it might be a figment of his imagination. “Yuki…what are you…” He was cut off, frowning at the forced smile on the other's lips. “Ah… is sh…Akito-san… in a decent mood today?” Hatori stood, pushing his work aside and pressing the back of his hand to Yuki's forehead, just to make sure. “As much as she can be…are you sure you should be here…after…” Yuki swallowed a lump in his throat; he wasn't entirely sure why he was here, what he was looking for, or expecting. It didn't feel right to be here, but it didn't feel right to be at home either. Dealing with the questioning eyes as he walked about in his sorrowful state. “I don't think it's wise to visit her…” Yuki shrugged, stepping away from the older male and toward the door. “I don't think there's anything worse she could really do to me after…you know.” He had in fact analyzed the hell out of the situation and couldn't come up with a single thing that was worse than being raped and enjoying it.

 

~I wanna' push you around~

 

Yuki didn't receive an answer to the knocking and he slid the door open to find her room empty. He tilted his head slightly; curious as to where she might have gotten off to. He wouldn't imagine anyone would have let her outside, what with the cold weather having started to set in. Sure enough though, as he passed the door to the garden he found her sitting on the wooden walkway, arms curled around her legs and staring out at the falling leaves. He stood there for a long moment, simply watching her, it was rare one was capable of seeing her so calm. Feet padding lightly across the wood to signal his presence he moved to stand behind her, staring off in the same direction she was currently entranced with. He winced slightly at the bitterness in her response, perhaps it had been wrong of him to bother her so soon after. “What are you doing here? I'd think after yesterday you'd be at home crying like a little baby still.”

 

~I wanna' push you down~

 

He settled down beside her, not answering. This earned him a punch and his face to the walkway. “Who said you could sit next to me, let alone enter my quarters without my permission?” She was aggravated that he was here, that he was willing to deal with her temper and accompany her. She was angry that he of all people was present at one of her most lonely points in the day. She was also furious that somewhere within her she was glad for his company. “If you don't watch it, I'll do worse to you.” She removed her weight, straightening as he did the same, not moving from his current place. “What is worse than what I've already suffered, Akito-san? Is there truly anything worse?” If anyone knew of a more horrid effect she would be it and she wouldn't hesitate to tell or show him. He'd already thrown himself into the pit of snakes, it was time to become immune to the bites or die in agony.

 

~I wanna' take you for granted~

 

Akito frowned; she hadn't really taken any thought to what might be worse. “I will tell her of what we did.” Yuki sighed, shaking his head, when had it become that she appeared so pathetic to him? “I don't think Honda-san would be disturbed to the extent you wish, though I am sure she would not be too pleased with you.” Akito snorted, his wit was getting the better of her and she wasn't happy in the least about it. Sprawling her form out across the wood flooring she sighed, a little defeated and beside herself. “You're going to be my new plaything. You'll come when I tell you to, do as I please, and enjoy it. If you don't, I will have you confined just like the cat.” A devious smile grew on her face as she rolled onto her side to stare at him. “Oh, an even better thought! I could toss you into that little cage with the cat, how would you enjoy that? How long could you last in such a small place with the smell of him everywhere?” Yuki almost rolled his eyes at her; she just was so childish sometimes. A thought struck him, even if he didn't end up caged, Kyo would and Tohru… Tohru would be… Yuki's expression hardened and he stared at Akito with purpose. “I'll be your toy on one condition. When we graduate, you confine me in place of Kyo.”