Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Me a ghost and some dumba**es ❯ Chapter 1

Me, a Ghost, and Some Dumbasses

Chapter 1

 

 

 

"Can't you lay your fingers off MY Inuyasha for more than five minutes, Kikyou?!"

"I'm sorry, did you just call him YOUR Inuyasha? I don't see your name written on him anywhere, or. Did you think you could have little doggy tags made for him, hmm?"

"Oh, that's it, I won't stand for your-"

"My what? What exactly are you planning to do, Kagome?"

"Why I oughtta-- !!"

Poor, helpless Inuyasha, stuck in the middle between these two violently furious ogres, ready to pounce and fight for their territory. This territory being Inuyasha himself, of course.

 

Inuyasha groaned loudly and held is aching ears as he stood in the middle of the currently bickering Kikyou and Kagome. Oh, wait. No, Kikyou was pulling at Kagome's hair now. Wonderful. He felt he should stop this, but he began to think that maybe, just maybe, he should let them deck it out. He'd always wanted to see who would win in a fight between them, honestly, but he'd never reveal that, of course. If he did they'd probably extract his entrails and feed them to ravenous coyotes. No, he better break this up before it got too far.

 

"Hey, guys," Inuyasha said, shoving his hands into his pockets awkwardly as he stared at the terrible twosome, hollering at one another. They didn't respond. "Okay, GUYS. LISTEN UP," he yelled, waving a hand around in the air in hopes of gaining their attention. To no avail. "HEY, WHORE, BITCH. PAY ATTENTION TO ME, DAMMIT," he furiously shouted, shoving Kikyou off of Kagome and staring at them both with a heated glare. "That's right, don't you ignore me," he grumbled pointing a clawed finger threateningly at them both.

 

"What is it, Inuyasha? I was busy fighting for your love," Kagome whispered, eyes wide and hopeful.

 

"Oh, no. I was the one fighting for your love, here. That's right, I said it," Kikyou stated, stomping her foot and curling her fists, glaring ferociously at Kagome.

 

The on lookers... looked on. How could Kagome and Kikyou even think about fighting in school? Sure, it was after school, but it was still pretty dumb. If you were to ask some of the on-lookers, they would all agree that it was one of the most ultimate acts of retardation they'd ever seen. However, there were some, like Miroku, who actually wanted to see the girls fight. Not only did they want to see them fight, but they wanted to see them fight in a pool of jell-o, or hot chocolate. In bathing suits. Heck yes.

 

"Okay, seriously. I don't think you guys should be fighting over me any more. I realize that the reason I haven't been able to choose between you is because, well, I find you both retarded. There, I said it. Wow! What a load off of my shoulders, eh? Haha," Inuyasha said, laughing nervously.

 

Kikyou and Kagome stared blankly at Inuyasha; a sudden silence had befallen them. Inuyasha thought this was the first time he'd ever seen either of them quiet for more than 16 seconds in his entire life. Seriously, he counted.

 

"Beg pardon?" Kikyou and Kagome both questioned, simultaneously.

 

"God, okay, I was lying. No, wait, no I wasn't. You guys ARE retarded, but that's not the reason I couldn't choose between you. It's because I'm gay. I've decided that after having both of you as my girlfriend--" the crowd gasped "--AT DIFFERENT TIMES. God! I've decided that after having both of you as my girlfriend, that girls are just too much work. So now, thanks to you lovely ladies, I am as straight as a bendy straw." Inuyasha confessed, smiling wide.

 

At this point in the story Kikyou and Kagome brutally commit suicide, but since this story isn't about them I refuse to write about it.

 

After the bulk of the on-lookers had cleared and Kikyou and Kagome's bodies had been carried away, all who were left were Inuyasha, Kouga, Alex, Anne, Alexis, Whitney, Ed, Naruto, and Sasuke.

"Oh, snap!! Did you see that fight, guys?! That was nuts," Alex stated, dramatically moving her hands in the air and laughing loudly.

 

"Oh my god!! Oh my god!! That was totally hardcore! Especially when, like... They were like.. Oh my god," Whitney trailed off, smiling.

 

"Dude, guys. Two girls just killed themselves in front of us. What the crap," Alexis said, trying not to smile at her crazy friend's antics.

 

"Who the hell were those people, anyway? Jeez," Anne asked, slightly confused by the fact that two random girls had started fighting over a guy with.. long silver hair and dog-ears. Gosh, that was just not something you saw every day.

 

"Who cares! They totally just beat the crap out of each other! Oh man it was like that one time with the frog at band camp-" suddenly, Alex paused mid-sentence. She had started pulling on the exit door, but it seemed stuck. She stared for a moment and went to the next door, pulling. Then the next, and the next, until she got to the last door and was starting to pull violently, putting her feet up on either side of the door and pulling with all her might.

 

"God, Alex. You're so weak. Let me show you how a NORMAL person opens doors," Alexis said jokingly, and started to pull at one of the doors herself. No go.

 

"Shit!! We're locked in!! THE DOOR?S LOCKED, KICK IT IN!!!" Whitney yelled, kicking at the door.

 

"Oh my god!! No!! I can't be stuck with these people! I DON?T KNOW THEM WHO ARE YOU!?" Anne yelled suddenly, falling to the floor and wailing, terrified of being stuck with these losers any longer.

 

Suddenly Inuyasha, Kouga, Ed, Sasuke, and Naruto walked onto the scene. Sasuke shoved his hands into his pockets casually and stopped before the group of girls, Naruto following, blowing a bubble with his gum. Inuyasha flattened his ears as the gum popped and scowled.

 

"Are these doors locked? We tried like all the other doors in the school, but none of them are open." Inuyasha questioned, rubbing his forehead idly.

 

"No, we can't open these either. Do you think we're locked in?" Alexis asked, frowning.

 

"Well, obviously the doors are locked if we are unable to get out," Ed stated uninterestedly, scratching the back of his neck with his automail arm.

 

"Ed!!! You are too cool for school!! Ohmygod," Alex cried, leaping over to fawn over Ed.

 

"Jesus christ!!!!!" Whitney whined, stomping her foot and shaking her fists. "Get me the fuck out of here!"

 

"I think everyone wants to get out of here, and if I had a choice I would be gone already, but oh no. The Mutt just had to stop at his locker instead of leaving with everyone else. I had to go along because he's too chicken to go down  to the 1000 building without flipping about the 1000 building ghost," Kouga growled, slouching forward and glaring at Inuyasha out of the corners of his eyes.

 

"Jackass! I didn't say you had to come with me! All I said was that I was going," Inuyasha growled back, raising a fist and glaring daggers back at Kouga.

 

"Okay, guys. Break it up. We have a situation here and we need to figure out something," Alexis stated, waving her hand in the air idly, as if stating a nonexistent point.

 

"Well, I think that we should just wait it out until someone comes to get us. I mean, someone's got to notice we're all missing, right? Right?" Alex asked hopefully, petting Ed's head. Ed looked fairly annoyed.

 

"Probably not, but I agree that we should probably just wait it out. There's not much else we can do," Sasuke said, speaking for the first time. Naruto popped his gum loudly once more.

 

"Why don't we go into a class room or something. Being out here in the hall while it's dark is giving me the creeps. I think I don't like being here after school. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I hate being here after school. When it's dark," Anne said, looking around nervously as they began to walk down towards the nearest classroom.

 

There was a long silence as the group of nine walked down the dark hallway and quickly turned into an empty (of course it was empty) class room, turning on the lights and closing the door behind them.

 

Everyone sat in a circle.

 

"So.. Guys. That ghost of the 1000 building is pretty crazy, huh," Alex said casually, crossing her legs and leaning back in her chair.

 

"Dude, I'm not scared of that crap!! Shut up!!" Inuyasha yelled defensively, leaning forward in his chair and bracing himself on his knees in a stressed manner, knuckles turning white.

 

"Oh, yes he is," Kouga snorted, giving a toothy grin.

 

"Shut up before I peel off your face and nail it to a wall for all to see," Inuyasha turned his head violently in Kouga's direction, long silver strands of hair flying every which way.

 

"Okay. Seriously. Shut up and let me, the AMAZING ALEX, speak before I castrate you both," Alex threatened, holding up a pair of scissors she'd magically retrieved from the teacher's desk without getting up. She snapped them together several times, threateningly.

 

"Would you even want to get close enough to chop it off? I mean, whoa. That's dirty," Whitney stated obliviously, wrinkling her nose.

 

"Oh my god!! Whitney, get your mind out of the gutter!! Jeez," Alexis grumbled, giving a slight ?humph? before crossing her arms over her chest and sighing in frustration. Jeez, why were her friends so DUMB?! God only knew why. Suddenly she was reminded of Dumbo and started laughing at his wacky ears, but then realized that it wasn't so wacky, but sad. Sad because THE OTHER ELEPHANTS REJECTED HIM BECAUSE OF HIS EARS!!! Alexis frowned and wept sadly.

 

Alex noticed that Alexis was holding her face in her hands and weeping, but didn't really care at the moment as she was trying to tell her fucking story but everyone kept interrupting!! Bitches and hos!!!

 

"GOD SHUT UP SO I CAN TELL YOU HOW THAT KID GOT CAUGHT IN THE SCHOOL WHILE IT WAS BEING BUILT AND DIED BECAUSE OF SOMETHING AND NOW HE HAUNTS THE 1000 BUILDING OF THE SCHOOL!!!" Alex hollered, furious that no one was listening.

 

"You.. Just told us the entire story in one sentence," Ed said, giving Alex a confused look, and shoving his hands into the pockets of his red hoodie nonchalantly.

 

"?Oh yeah," Alex said, frowning and looking sadly down at her feet.

 

"OHMYGOD," Whitney screamed suddenly, posing in a crazy ninja pose and dropping to the floor to lay, face down, for, like, five minutes.

 

"I think there's something wrong with her," Sasuke stated, the usual scowl on his face.

"No, she's always like that," Alex stated, giving a pained look at the motionless body of Whitney on the floor.

 

The group continued to stare at Whitney lying on the floor when SUDDENLY?

 

The lights flickered in the classroom, off, then on, then off, and then on again. Then off one final time. Inuyasha gave a high-pitched shriek and leapt on top of Kouga, still shrieking with all his might.

 

Whitney screamed.

 

Alexis cried.

 

Alex fell to the floor and clung to Ed?s metal leg.

 

Ed rolled his eyes, though no one could see it.

 

Sasuke and Naruto took out their random NINJA WEAPONS and posed all cool like in the center of the room.

 

"Wooooooo! It's the ghost of the 1000 building come to haaunt yooou!!" a mysterious voice said from outside the doorway, banging on the lockers and door loudly.

 

"OH MY GOD WE?RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!" Whitney yelled, pulling at her hair and running around the room screaming, non-stop.

 

"So this is it, then? I'm.. I'm going to die a virgin? I don't want to die!!! I DON?T WANT TO DIE!!" Inuyasha cried in a squeaky voice.

 

Ed stood suddenly, dragging Alex along, who still clung to his automail leg. He walked over to the light switch and flipped it on. Everyone in the room was still flipping out, Whitney especially, who was still running around in circles and screaming. Her face began to turn purple, but she didn't really seem to care. That girl had one crazy lung capacity, man. Edward faced the culprit who frightened everyone so easily, then grabbed him by his shirtsleeve and dragged him out to the middle of the room. The culprit looked dumbfounded.

 

"Okay, guys, seriously. Stop freaking. It's Sesshomaru," Ed stated, pointing at Sesshomaru who was standing right next to him.

 

Sesshomaru gave a blank look at the people around him as they calmed, and began to stare at him.

 

"I did no such thing. I deny your outrageous accusations," Sesshomaru said coolly, adjusting the collar on his shirt idly as the others in the room continued to stare.

 

It was then that everyone noticed that Inuyasha seemed to be swapping spit with Kouga.

 

Whitney gave a horrified scream.

 

"OH MY GOD, MY EYES!! MY EYYYEEES!!" she wailed, scratching helplessly at her eyes as she fell to her knees in anguish.

 

Alexis fell to her knees also, giving a terrified and shocked stare in Inuyasha and Kouga's direction. She was silent for a long time, making small squeaking noises every once in a while.

 

"Oh my god!! Inuyasha and Kouga sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!!" Alex sung, laughing from her spot on the floor, still seemingly attached to Ed?s leg.

 

Inuyasha leapt off of Kouga quickly and fell to the floor with a loud thud. Sesshomaru pointed and was about to burst out laughing but decided against it as he is Sesshomaru and Sesshomaru does not seem to laugh. Ever.

 

Inuyasha sat up quickly and glared at Alex with his ears pinned back against his skull.

 

"You? you bitch!! What was that for!!" he growled, digging his claws into the carpet beneath him.

 

"I was singing," Alex stated obliviously, staring at Inuyasha blankly.

 

"You have an awful voice!" he shouted, pulling up the carpet. It ripped. Somewhere, carpet fairies cried.

 

"Thank you!" Alex piped, smiling brightly.

 

Inuyasha gave a confused look at Alex, then stared down at his hands, which were now holding large chunks of carpet. Ed scowled.

 

"I don't think you should insult her, she's already weird enough as it is and-" suddenly Ed was interrupted.

 

"MY NAME IS TARZAN, I AM JUNGLE MAN!!" Sesshomaru sang  loudly, holding his fist up in the air dramatically.

 

Everyone stared at Sesshomaru. He was singing. Inuyasha had a completely terrified look on his face.

 

"He sings when he's about to kill!!!!" Inuyasha shrieked, holding his face in his hands. Which really meant he was shoving carpet in his face. Coooolies.

 

"COME TO MY TREE HOUSE TO MY PARTY!" Sesshomaru continued to sing.

 

"Yes!! I'll go if you carry me!!" Whitney squeaked, leaping up into Sesshomaru's arms.

 

Sesshomaru stared down at her blankly.

 

Suddenly, Whitney was dropped, and she fell to the ground with a crash.

 

"You're a weeeirdooo," he said in a singsong voice.

 

"God!! My ass!!! You didn't have to drop me, I get enough abuse from my friends as it is!" Whitney wept, holding her head and her ass at the SAME TIME. Oh my god.

 

Sesshomaru frowned and looked down at Whitney, then held a hand out to help her up. Whitney gave a broad grin and grabbed the hand, yanking herself up from the floor.

 

"?..Well, that was amazing," Alex commented, standing up from clinging to Ed?s leg, brushing herself off of SCHOOL GERMS.

 

"Hmm," Ed hummed, looking at Alex, missing her weight on his leg randomly.

 

"I?M BORED," Anne yelled suddenly, after having been quiet for like three pages.

 

Naruto and Sasuke gave each other a look. They both smiled and nodded.

 

"Feel the power of the energy from below," Sasuke said in a low voice.

"We must go out and Ninja in the night," Naruto stated, gaining a suddenly very serious look.

 

"You must start our quest!"

 

"Shall we?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Like the shadow serpeeent-" suddenly they were cut off.

 

"OKAY. UM. AS MUCH AS I LOVE THIS SONG I HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU NEED TO SHUT UP. FOR REALS," Alex yelled suddenly, slamming her hand on the desk.

 

Alexis stood, after having been shocked for like three pages the author thought it was about time that Alexis got up and did something. Gosh that lazy ass.

 

"Let's get out of this lame classroom, it smells in here," Alexis said, wrinkling her nose and looking around the room.

 

Deciding that, yeah, it was about time to go wander the school, everyone filed out of the class and began to walk down the hall.

 

Then, Anne began to roll down the stairs.

 

"What the?!" Whitney screamed, watching as Anne rolled down the stairs.

 

Everyone heard a groan from the bottom of the dark stairwell and stared downwards to see if Anne was okay. This proved pointless as it was very dark.

 

"Oh my god!! Anne!! Are you okay?!" Alexis yelled, still staring down into the stair well.

 

"Yeah I think I am but-" and suddenly Anne was gone!!

 

Alex rubbed her hands together and laughed evilly.

 

"One down, seven to go," she said loudly, looking at everyone with a maniacal glare.

 

Everyone stared at Alex silently.

 

"Okay.. Well I think we're? just going to, like.. You know.. Go now."  Kouga said nervously, ushering away the group, leaving Alex behind.

 

"Oh snap, guys!! I'm just kidding!! ANNE ANNE WHERE ARE YOOOUUU," Alex shrieked, almost falling down the stairs herself, but Ed caught  her by the back of her shirt.

 

"Careful, there," He said, frowning and pulling her upwards, back so she was standing upright.

 

"Yay! Thank you, Edward; Edward bo Bedward Banana fana fo Fedward!" Alex cried happily, singing Ed?s name in the name game. Sweet!!!

 

Ed gave a weird look, his eye twitching slightly.

 

Alex and Ed both  ran after the group, attempting to catch up before they got too far. Alex was worried however, though. Well, now that Anne was gone, who was going to be picked off next? Who would the 1000 building ghost get now?! What if it was herself?! Oh, god! She knew from experience that the funny kids always get picked off first in horror movies! Alex was afraid for herself. Not really anyone else, though, she considered herself to be the funniest person here, and she was. Yes, she was.

 

 

Disclaimer: We DO NOT own Inuyasha, Naruto, or Full Metal Alchemist. I DO NOT own this story, it belongs to my friend on which I offered to post it. ALEX YOU ARE THE FUNNIEST, THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME MAKE MY STORY FUNNY!