Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ All that I am... ❯ All that I am... ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

All that I am...

Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Angsty goodness,Yaoi,suicidal thoughts,OCC, lang., and blood play
Pairings: FlamexFullmetal
Type: Epic length one shot...chapters scare me!



DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST...JUST USING IT FOR A
TIME. I AM MAKING NO MONEY OFF OF THIS!!


Authors Note: I usually write DBZ fanfics...gods I love to tweak Vegeta! But I felt a need to change and what better
way than to write FMA fanfiction! I enjoy reviews...or flames should you feel inclined. I am, however,
not one those persons who force you to write them...*evil grin* that is unless you want me too..
*wink.. wink..cracks whip and laughs evilly*..THAT'S IT BOW TO YOUR MISTRESS...MOOOWWHHOOHA
HAHAHAHAAAA!!!.. *Gulp*...okkkkiiessss now on with the show..errr reading that is!!!!

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*...*=spoken in the mind
Ed's age is tweaked a bit, he's 17 old, just so you know...LOL...But he's still a shrimp!


"Al," the oldest living Elric whined. "My foot hurts, my head hurts, EVERYTHING hurts. I smell like a skunk's butt-hole, and I'm hungry. I think it's time to stop for the night."

"But, you heard what Colonel Mustang said!" dropping the boyish voice to a deep timber. "..'You listen here Fullmetal, if you're not standing in front on my desk by dusk this day, explaining in full detail what happen in Alamara. I'm calling a bounty on your head. Then I get to sit back and watch them hunt your puny ass all around!' "

"Knock it off AL!" shot the sarcastic remark, from the small figure on it's hunches. In true Edward fashion, the older brother Elric sits in a darkened stupor. It's times like these, Alphonse wonders why his brothers height bothers him so. With all of his accomplishments in his young life, something as trivial as how tall he is shouldn't matter.

"Brother Please, get up! You know this really shouldn't bother you so much," the youngest Elric tries to calm his brother.

Climbing gracelessly to his feet, he glares at the metal suit that holds anchor to his brother's soul. "Well that's easy for you to say when you like twelve feet TALL!"

Reaching up to straighten the braid for what seemed the fourth time that day, a loud clang of metal rings loudly through the hollowed ally way. The distinct tingle of Alchemy humming through his veins is the only warning. To the naked eye, the untrained eye, the change in his for would seem like a God changing forms...a human transmutation. But, in a way is it not just that? As far as Ed knows he is mostly human, with the aide of mechanical limbs. So is it not human transfiguration? Or just a mutation of metal?

The blade slides out fluidly, arming the human with a weapon of defense. Poised in a flawless stance to defend his brother, and himself, from whatever comes at the pair. "IT'S not my fault I am so BIG!" the pained ethereal voice of his brother echoes with the armored masks. There before him, huddled like a child, is the large form of Alphonse.

"Oh Al, I am sorry," he sits beside him. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I know it's not your fault." * It's mine..*.." But now you know what it feels like." Willing his brother to understand how he feels.

The dark haze the that covered his brother's face slowly lifts, as a look of understanding plays across his magical eyes.. "Sorry...brother."

Pulling the blade back to my body, offering a hand to Al. "Come on. Let's just get to Mustang. The sooner he gets his panties out of his ass the sooner we can get on with the research." Walking down the ally, small steps drowned out by the clank of metallic ones, an angered voice brakes the stillness. "You know where close! I can feel it. If only that fucking busy-body would let us do our job, we'd get better results." Growling quietly under his breath the talented child Alchemist adds, " he's not the one who has so much riding on this...why should he even fucking care?"

"Edward come on, you should really start showing him some respect!" The high pitched yell is pulled from the metal suit. "He holds SO much in his hands...CAN'T you see that! We would be nowhere with out the help of colonel Mustang!" The anger that supposed to be devoid in metal oozes in hot thick waves around the pair. Pink orbs snap fire, narrowed at his brother, "What is it about you? That you can't EVER trust anyone! Do you not even trust me? Brother?"

"Don't be stupid Al! Of course I trust you. I trust you with my life. You know that," the youth runs his hands over his face. In a failing attempt to calm the aggravation bubbling within. "What's with the lecture anyway?"

:Uncomfortable silence: "Al?" he asks concerned. "AL?!"

"No, brother, I don't think you do," was all the troubled soul whispered before walking away. Whether his brother follows is his own choice, but unlike others Alphonse Elric respected the , misunderstood and misguides, young Col. Mustang. And, his voiced opinions hit home more than he knows. For truly where would they be without Roy Mustang?

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"Colonel you called for me?" the young blond asks from the doorway quietly.

"Come in Hawkeye, there's something I need you to do for me," Mustang says to her.

"What do you need?" the trigger happy female pipes up. A mission..FINALLY! Moping around the office has become a bore. Anything's better than double checking paper work that has all ready be double and triple check before hand.

"Glad here compliance," the Colonel chuckles, sometimes it's good to be King...err Leader!

"As always," Hawkeye sarcastically grits out. *that smug bastard, I still need to pay him back for the little stunt he pulled last week. The one where he snuck into my apartment and replaced all my uniform pants with navy blue miniskirts! Oh, he's damnable sometimes!* "What is it you need?" Judging by the lecherous twinkle in his eyes, inwardly cringing she knows exactly what he will reply with.

"All right then, I need you to get Edward Elric's medical records. Go to Lt. Col. Hughes, I know most of the documents were burned with the library, but his new assistant will be able to help you. This is a rush I want them in my hands by sundown." With the lack of perverted comment from his dirty mouth, perhaps this is worse than she thought at first. "And, Hawkeye, do what ever it takes." The look of chilled determination sends shivers down the woman's spine. Indeed, this is far more important.

"Right then!" she shouts with a brisk salute.

"Dismissed Lieutenant." The sway of that woman's hips should be illegal. Staring at the fleeting form of Hawkeye just brings unwanted stress to deal with. A shrill ring jolts the Colonel out of half developed fantasies, and lustful yearnings. Grabbing for the receiver he answers, "Mustang." Short, sweet, and to the point, just like the man himself.

"Colonel? It's Alphonse." Those three words are enough to make him nervous. The tone of voice, sullen and shallow, he knows this is not going to be good. Thoughts are birthed about the evening to come, the bitter results that may play out, are bone chilling. To yearn for the truth in your findings, only to realize the cold reality.

"Go ahead, Al. What's up?"

"The trains are running late, so were going to be late as well," Al remains quiet for a few moments, trying to figure out how to word the last part.

"You still there?" Mustang's voice rings out with an edge.

"I'm here. I just....I just wanted to ask you to not call my brothers head. Really the trains are late! I promise you, you can call the stations if you don't believe me!" The frantic rush of words are enough to turn the steel stomach of the Flame Alchemist. Everyone knows of the hate/hate relationship that Fullmetal and the Flame have, but it hurts it think that Al would believe the threat to be real.He should know by now that he would never let anything happen to the boys...or be that men now.

Sighing, Roy tries to calm the upset boy, "It's alright Al. I wasn't;t going to call a bounty on your brother. I just wanted to light a fire under his ass. It's about time he learns respect for his elders." Like that would EVER happen. "You know how your brother is."

"No Colonel Flamer. How am I?" A pissed off Edward asks into empty air space. "Mustang? Don't you dare hang up on me you bastard! MUSTANG!"

"Calm down Fullmetal, no wonder your so short. All that yelling must have brought you down at least three inches." Roy laughs at the string of vulgar curses and colorful metaphors from his high strung subordinate. "See ya soon." Then silence.

So the Elric's are going to be late, well in a way it's a blessing. It will give me a little more time to get the back up I need to confront him. Rubbing the Alchemic array on the back of his spotless white glove, he muses about the up coming confrontation. "This is going to be a disaster." Knowing full well how Fullmetal will react to this.

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*Why does he want Fullmetal's medical records? What's up, I know there's something up* the young Riza Hawkeye thinks to herself. *And what does Maes Hughes have to do with this?* Walking down the hallway that leads to Lt. Col. Maes Hughes office the reality hits the beautiful Hawkeye like a brick between the eyes. *Ed has been hospitalized a lot lately. Does this have something to do with the way the two of them have been acting?* The Elric's are known for their stubbornness and iron wills, but lately it's been worse. They've been guarded and standoffish. Especially Edward.

"The opening of the door scares Riza out of the daze she's fallen into. "Are you going to stand out there all day, or are you coming in?" the sly smirk of Hughes causes her to see red.

"A rapid, angry, salute and a dipping sweet acidic voice replies, "I will come in 'Sir'."

"HAHAHA...still a little sore about last week?" he asks, having to good grace to look embarrassed. Knowing full well she was. Him having been the distraction in the form of after hour friendly drinks, and small take about the care of puppies. Voicing concerns about them, thinking about getting little Alicia one. Thus giving Roy time to get into her apartment with out being caught in the act.

Gritting her teeth together, hissing out, "Consider it..forgotten. Sir." Taking a few calming breaths she goes on to say, "I am here because Col. Mustang needs a favor. He wants you to get all of Fullmetal's Medical Records."

"They were burning the First Library. They're gone lieutenant."

"He said to get your new assistant on them, that perhaps she read them," the deep determination in her voice is backed up by the hand resting on her gun. "He said to do what ever it takes. And," pulling her weapon from the safety on it's holster staring down the cold metal barrel. "I will gladly comply." A practical cold smile blossoms on the poised woman, "If only this once."

The nervous tick to the males jaw is almost comical. "You know I could have you court marshaled for this. Pulling a weapon on a superior...a brother in arms at that. They would eat you for breakfast than spit you out to rot in prison." He voice wreaks of fear, or is it something else?

"And what do you think they will say when they find out about two high ranking officers sneaking into a female subordinates house? Two words Hughes...Sexual Harassment." Grinning like a madwoman, she knows she has him by the balls now, and there's nothing he can do about it.

"Oh, come on Hawkeye, it was just a joke. I swear it will never happen again." Tossing a hand sheepishly behind his head he laughs nervously. Slowly reaching being his back he reaches for the hidden knife resting in his waistband. "I promise."

Clicking back the safety release it echoes through the hallway. "Don't even think about it. I know what you're reaching for, don't play me for an idiot. Piss me off enough and I will show you they don't just call me Hawkeye because it's my name."

"What! It's just an itch!" he lies through his teeth. With that fake open smile and seemingly sweet 'open and a book' way about him beguiles the truth behind calculating yellow eyes. Those false honest eyes, are nothing but lies. The exterior of the man reads...trust me..but when you take the time to read between the lines you see the ending in perfect English. For someone to fake honesty so believable surely is the greatest threat of all.

"I'm sure. The documents Hughes. I want them by sundown today, or I come back shooting. Consequences be damned." Was all she said, slowly backing away until reaching the safety of a corner.

A predatory smirk spreads itself across his face, "No wonder Mustang keeps her around."

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"Mustang" Don't you dare hang up on me you bastard! MUSTANG! AHHH I really HATE that man!" the tangent the young man is throwing is drawing attention. People are beginning to stare at the short man screaming.

"Brother calm down," Al says quietly.

"NO, damn it, I will not calm down!" The rapid breathing if his older brother is causing his newest wound to bleed. A small but well places knife wound to the side, cause by a preventable fight. But, no, Edward Elric...The Fullmetal Alchemist...HERO of the people does NOT walk away from a fight. Ever. A fight that once again caused his blood to run, recklessly and careless fighting of late feeds the worries about his brother. When confronted about it, the Fullmetal temper erupts a fountain of vulgarities.

Grabbing his pissed off brother by the arm, pulling him close, he hisses in his face. "You will. One, people are staring. Two, your painting the tile red with your blood."

Looking down at the semi-steady flow of blood running down his side and onto the floor, just silently staring at it. Red is the color of life is it not? And pain reminds you that you're still alive. Blood and pain, Edward Elric's two best friends.

"Ed, you alright? We need to take care of your side," Al tells him, fear for his brother lacing his metallic voice.

"Is that all I am?" The small spots on the dirty white tile floor, slowly turning into a puddle, "Just a red mar on a dirty tiled floor?"

"Ed stop it! your scarring me. Please...look at me," fear now blossomed into panic.

"You must knows it's the truth. I am just a puddle of blood, nothing more.Just a wound pulsing out tainted blood to stain yet another soul." The red is hypnotizing, all dark and beautiful at the same time. I just never saw it this way before, so simple. Staring at the mess I made, my voice a raspy version pushes out, "First is was mom, I was unable to save her. Then you, my precious brother, the only one I have left...sacrificed for my greed." Looking up at you, tears well but will never fall. "Then Nina...little innocent Nina I couldn't save her either. And all the nameless others that have suffered from my decisions. I killed them all, and yet this puddle still remains."

A steel arm lifts, with out the permission of it's owner. Unknown to the operator it flies out, echoing the sound of metal hitting flesh. A sick sounding thud. "STOP! Please just stop! You did nothing wrong. Do you hear me NOTHING! It was both of us that decided to bring mom back, and I couldn't save Nina either! But, we cannot blame ourselves for the militaries fatalities...they are NOT yours, or my, faults." Alphonse's nearly panic driven voice drags his brother from the brink once more.

Amber eyes come back into focus, as the life begins to flow in him once more. Anger rises over pain, holding his face gingerly he wails, "Geez Al what'd you do that for? It hurt!"

"Better to feel something, than nothing at all. Right Brother?" Al spits at him, repeating the mantra that's chanted from Ed's mouth these last few months. The far off sound of a train chugging down the tracks, followed by a shrill whistle cuts through the brotherly fight. "The train's coming lets get you bandaged then we will get you stitches once we get to central." Noting the rigid stance, and grimace on Ed's face, he cuts him off before he can argue. "No fighting this. Your going."

"All boarding passengers to South Central Military Base please report to the boarding ramps. We apologize for the delay and hope you have a pleasant trip," chirped the female voice over the PA system.

"Let's go, we'll fix you up once we get on the train," sighing deeply at the look of his brother. Vaguely he wonder...can a suit of empty amour feel sorrow?

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:Ring...ring ring: the sharp tone of the phone jolts Roy Mustang out of the concentration he was attempting to hold. Damn it, he had wanted to finish this paper work before tonight. Grabbing the receiver for what seemed like the hundredth time today, uncaring for the person on the other line. He answers, gruffly, "What!"

"Well, is that any way to speak to an old friend, one who put you where you are today?"

"Maes, what do you want? I am swamped with work, and need to finish it by tonight."

"Forever the sarcastic immature prick I see," his friend's sigh is clearly audible over the phone line. As if an after thought, Maes asks, "What's so important about tonight? Actually, what's so important about tonight and Ed's med. records?"

"That's my concern. I just need you to get them by tonight." *Does he suspect something?* Not sure what do think. *He does have a right to know, you know he does. He cares for those two as much as you do.* His inner voice argues, knowing it speaks the truth. "Listen, Maes, if I tell you, you have to promise to stay out of this and let me handle it."

"You're really serious about this, aren't you?" the steel is back in his voice once more.

"Deadly," *He better stay the fuck out of this. The worst thing I need is him running head long into this before I even have evidence to back up my claim.

"Alright, I give you my word. I will stay out of it. Now tell me."

Trusting his life long friend to keep his word, he begins to voice his theory. "How many times, off hand, do you think Fullmetal's been hospitalized?"

"I don't know a half dozen...maybe?" he replies.

"And how many times has he been a treat and release?" Roy goes on with a hard edge to his normally smooth voice. Knowing what his friend is going to think about this.

"Quiet a few."

"I know, now lastly how many automail limbs have been replaced?"

"Two? The ones that I know of at least," the worry now seeping into Maes's voice.

"Have you noticed the pattern? And, you know what Hughes, this all after he found about Marcoh's solution to the Stone. It's like he just doesn't care anymore. He knows now that a human sacrifice is needed, and I think deep down in his mind he think's this is the right answer." Reaching up to rub his eyes, the pain in his head is tangible.

"I understand. You'll have what you need within the hour." Then the click of the phone followed by dead air.

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"It's sundown Hughes, do I have to get my gun?" Hawkeye asks in all seriousness.

A raised eyebrow, and an all male chuckle. "Would you really shoot me over a few papers?"

"Yes. He said 'Do whatever it takes' and I WILL do whatever it takes for him. He may be an egotistical arrogant perverted bastard of a man, but he is a good leader. One I am proud to follow. So Lieutenant Colonel when he says shoot I shoot. Get it?" Iron feeds though her words marking them as the truth.

Pulling the top drawer open, reaching for the papers in question. "Here you go. I am glad to see Roy has found someone as loyal as you to serve under him," he says, handing over the document with that false smile once more...or perhaps this is a genuine one? "These are the records he wants, well at least the ones my assistant snooped at. And, of course the ones most recently recorded."

Both looking at the stack Hughes had in his hands, both thinking the same thing. "There's quiet a few of them, isn't there?" Hawkeye states.

"Yeah, I can't believe it never registered in my head. Roy's right about this, and I am not happy."

Shaking her head slightly, recomposing herself, "Thank you Sir, I will get these to Col. Mustang right away."

"Riza," Maes catches her before she leaves, his voice deep and haunting. "I can't go to him, I gave him my word. But you can, keep the safe Hawkeye. Even if it means hurting them first."

His grim stare settling on the butt of her gun, she nods in understanding. This could turn bad real quick, two hot tempered powerful Alchemists pissed off and defensive. Definitely not a good thing. "I understand. I will perform my duty should the need arise. I promise you," she whispers softly, walking away from him.

*There's an awful lot of promises floating around, here's to hoping they all can be kept* he idly thought to himself.

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Playing with the new bandage his brother put around him, he regrets the weakness he has shown in front of Al. Not to mention the slip of sanity that seems to occurring more and more often. Some days even twice, is really even sane at all? Or is this all a false reality fabricated in delusion? *No I am real, the blood's real, and the pain is most definitely real. All the lost loves are most certainly real. So this isn't a dream...I would never be that lucky.*

"Does it still hurt?" Al asks mutely.

"No, not any more." At least not on the outside.

"We're almost there, what do you think is so important that he would threaten you to get you there?"

"I'm not sure Al, but he will damn well learn never to threaten me again." Rubbing his hands together, quietly coming up with a plan to show that smug bastard that you DO NOT mess with Edward Elric....the Fullmetal Alchemist. "I'll show him. I can't wait, no more short jokes if he's half the size he is now, can there be?!"

"Ed you know Alchemy isn't supposed to be abused like that, it's not right. It's not a revenge toy to plot with, it's a science. You of all people should know better that it's not to be used for personal gain," softly saying the last part more to himself than Ed. *Just look where it got us last time big brother. Do you really want to tempt fate twice in one life time?*

"I know...I know Al. It's just he makes me so angry! I could just....I don't know," grinning like a madman, he goes on jokingly. "Just turn him into the ass he really is. A donkey is part of the horse family, not too far from a mustang."

The vision of Roy Mustang as a donkey played in both boys minds, igniting laughter a the colonel's expense. * Oh, brother, it's been too long since I have heard your laugh. It's nice.*

"We have now arrived at the South Central Base, all passengers getting off here please remember you belongings. Exit off the first door, and thank you for riding Zephyr's railways. Have a wonderful day."

"Looks like we're here," Al said sighing at the now serious brother. *Oh Ed, I don't care that I am stuck in here like this, I just want my brother back...smiling and laughing like we used too.*

"Yeah, I guess we are." The look of disgust plated on your face sickens me. I know it's birthed of the prospect of being on the receiving end of yet another Roy Mustang lecture, "Let's go. Mind as well get this over with."

"Okay." *Please don't do anything you'd regret brother, I know your unstable right now and this is not what you need. This couldn't have come at a worse time. All you need is a brake from all of this.* Al says to himself, and sadly he is incorrect in the matter. Little does he know the tie that binds his brother is fraying at a rapid pace.

"Good evening Fullmetal! Alphonse! How are you?" the muscle bound eye twinkling idiot bellows out.

*I really don't have time for this!* "Hiya Major, what's up?"

"I am here to escort you to the Colonel," all traces of the easy going man gone, replaced with a solemn soldier. "Havoc?"

Coming around the corner at his leisure, cigarette hanging out of mouth like usual. Speaking flawlessly around the cancer stick he says, "Yeah, right behind you. Hi Al. Ed."

"Well now that everyone's been reacquainted once more, let's go." The pissy Ed spits, so not looking forward to this.

"Sarcastic as usual Huh Fullmetal? One day your mouth is going to get you in serious trouble...little man," Havoc laughs.

"Who the HELL are you calling little! You smoking bastard! AL LET GO OF ME before I turn you into a toilet bowl plunger!"

"BROTHER knock it off!"Al yells, dipping his metal head into his brother's ear. "Do you want to start bleeding again? And the have them fawning all over you, or would you rather suck it up and drop this foolishness?"

*Yes....* "No, you're right. I done." Loosening his taunt muscles, Al sets him back to his feet. Straightening his hair, pulling down his shirt, he looks to Armstrong like a pup that peed on the floor, "Lets go, come on Al."

Shifting his weight uncomfortably on his massive feet, he pipes up, "Ed I am here to take you, not him. Al has to go with Havoc."

"But, Al always went with me before! I was never a problem, why now?" Lately Ed's being clinging to his brother's side, not wanting to be separated from him. The thought of being apart scares the shit outta him.

"It's classified." Those two words were enough to shut him up. Not wanted Al to have to see the burdens of being in the lair of hell, he'd gladly go with him to keep Al's innocence.

Nodding to him, they walk silently to Mustang's office. With each step the will to run becomes greater, making him feel like a prisoners last stroll down death row before death claims them. Knowing full well that Mustang would never hurt him, doesn't make this less painful. * I don't have fucking time for this!*

"We're here Ed." Knocking on the simple white door the Colonel's office, his heart jumps in waiting for what's to come. The muffled 'enter' can be easily heard, and Armstrong opens the door to youths fate.

"Good Evening Fullmetal, come in. You're dismissed Major." The devil behind blue eyes drawls out. "Take a seat Ed, we have a lot to discus you and I."

Walking over to the couch, by the stiff movements and the dark spots leaking through the black over shirt one can only guess at what happened. Dulled pain and dying amber eyes only feed the fire in my blood, giving me the strength to do this. *I do this for your own good kid*. How many times has that been muttered through the course of time, does it really mean it's the right thing to do? Judging by the way you are, injured and numb, standing before convinces me it is.

"So what's so important that you dragged me down here with life threats?" I see you half-hearted attempt at humor, and neutrality. I am sorry Ed, but your failing miserably. To those who don't know you, you'd seem perfectly fine albeit smart mouth teen but fine none the less. But...I know the truth, and today even if it kills me, I will make you see it too.

"Do you know what these are?" I ask, anger radiating through my voice. Holding out the impressive stack of papers, the weight of them urging me on. "No? Well I'll tell you. they're your medical records, well the ones since you joined the military anyway." A chilling smile pulls my lips back, more so a sneer than anything else. * How could I let it get this far Ed?* "Really, it's amazing what you can find when you look hard enough."

"Hey! Those are personal you know. You had NO RIGHT Mustang!" you seethe, life finally deciding to snap fury in your gold gaze.

"I do have the right, Fullmetal," the sarcasm dripping from my words, hurt and anger over-riding the want to be kind to you. I can't stop myself, the words just fall out. "You're a dog of the military. Or did you happen to forget that?" I am sorry for this...truly but it's what you need.

"It doesn't matter what I am, you still don't have the right." You pause the tangent brewing within, interest rears it's head. "What do you want with them anyway?" Here it comes Ed, please forgive me?!

"How many times have you been injured since you found out about Marcoh and the realization of what you seek? Three? Six? Ten times? How many Fullmetal?" the cold fury blisters the air around us.

"Seven. Seven times." *Do you know how you look right now? All dead inside...what put you here, in this place of eternal darkness?*

"Was that actually a straight answer...without that well known sarcasm?"

"Shut the hell up! It doesn't matter to you how many times Mustang, I fight because you tell me to. Or did YOU forget that? I protect my brother, because he NEEDS me to! And, it's none of anyone's damned business what happens to me, but mine. So stay the fuck out of it! It doesn't concern you." you yell, voice raising octaves with each word. Then it happens, the quick grab to your left side. Don't think I didn't just see you hold the pain...I see everything now.

"Are you okay Ed?" I see you..the blood..that pain you try so hard to hide. DON'T YOU DARE LIE TO ME!

"Just fucking fine. Are you done? Or do you have a point to all this, other than letting me know I make the doctor's work for their salary?" Do you know how tired you sound right now? Weakness leaking through the harsh exterior you put up.

"Ed, I know. About you." Can't I make you see what you're doing to yourself? What you're doing to me?

"I don't know what you're talking about. You're not making any sense." The doubt and fear flowing off you in waves, yes...yes you do.

"Stop fucking bull shitting me! Edward you have engaged in preventable confrontations, you have lost limbs for petty squabbles, DAMN IT Ed you fucking bleeding all over my couch as we speak! You cannot look me right in the eyes, and honestly tell me you're not looking for death!" Waving the papers like a surrendering flag, I bellow at you, "SEVEN times hospitalization, TWO replaces automail limbs, and way to many treat and releases to even count."

"WHO THE FUCK CARES...it's my body damn it!" you interrupt me.

I can't even stop the wind up, my hand flies out and smacks you, "DAMN you ED! I fucking care! What do I need to do to make you see that I don't want you hurt!" No amount of screaming and violence will help you, I can't even make the words pierce that wall you've so effectively built around you.

Lifting me head from where it hangs in bitter defeat, the breath catches deep in my throat. The horrid look on your face will forever be seared across my memories. I have never seen any one so close to giving up, yet still trying to go on. Are you stuck in the cross roads Ed? Please let me help you find your way, I need to do this. "So what if you know. It's the truth, I do openly seek death." The tone of voice so flat and mono toned...Oh Ed. "I should have died that night. You know that as well as I." Squaring your small shoulders, determination wipes out any sign of weakness, "I don't need to quote the Laws of Alchemy to you, I KNOW you know them. Equivalent exchange, my life for his, and when the last second in upon me and the gate opens....I will GLADLY walk through it for him. My life...a tainted hollowed shell of a human, for his...an innocent bright soul and a flesh body." Everyone of your muscles wound taunt, leashed tears well up.

"DON'T you dare speak like that! You know what your planning is wrong, not only is it illegal but a sin as well." Striding in a whirlwind of fury I am in your face. Slamming him against the back of the couch, yelling, "Damn you Ed, and your childish notions and foolishness. There are other ways, but you haven't even looked at them have you?"

"No...it's useless." What, no fight at the child remark. You really have died inside haven't you?

"No it's not, not until you've looked at EVERYTHING. Have you even thought this through? What would happen if this plan of yours doesn't work? THEN what? Leave your brother forever in a hollowed suit of amour, while you find release? I have you pegged for a lot of things, but never a coward." Leaning into you, shifting my weight until it is set upon you. Whispering into your ear, "Mnnn...Fullmetal? I bet you never thought of that...have you?"

"What the hell are you doing Mustang?" Pulling up to see that blush spread across your face, only makes me want you more. *Do you know how breath taking you are? A perfect blend of masculine beauty and innocent child. You are a rare possession indeed.* "Get off me!"

"Not until you believe me...I want you to see things clearly." Pulling one leg than the other up until I straddle your leather clad thighs, absently noting the coolness emanating off your left leg. "Not until you stop trying to die on me!"

"Mustang get off me," the amber snaps wildfire flames in your gorgeous eyes. A pleasant throbbing starts between my legs, and unknowingly they drop in search of a connection. Rubbing my cheek against the silk of your falling bangs, I ask..barely above a whisper, "You have the strength to push me off if you want. But I'm not going to 'get off' until I hear you say the words. Tell me you want to live."

"I don't lie. I never have and never will," you glare at me. Do your eye betray your words? "I don't want to live...why would I?" Those tears brimming once more, begging to fall. But, I know...I know you haven't shed a tear since that fateful night, such a burden to carry for one as young as yourself.

"Let me give you a reason..." I can't take it any longer. Dipping my head, ever so gently, brushing my lips against yours. Just a flutter of a kiss...your body go ramrod stiff under me, I want you as stiff as I am.

"Why are you doing this?" you ask against my lips. I can feel you shallow breathing under my grip of shoulders, the pounding of your heart echoes my own.

*Why you ask? Why what. Why am I sitting on top of you? Why am I trying to save your life?* Reaching up to unbraid your silken mane, I can only give you a truthful answer as you have been truthful with me. "I don't know. I want it to be because I care for you, but I am confused so I just don't know." Combing the blond strands out until they lay flat in golden waves around your face, I really haven't seen anything as beautiful as you. Smiling at the innocent look you've firmly places on your features, I can't help but to ask, "Why haven't you thrown me off yet Fullmetal?"

"I...I don't know what your talking about. You're the one straddled on me..kissing me. And, don't think I can't feel you rubbing yourself on my leg." Your voice tickles my face, with the most erotically arousing glaze covering your eyes. Just hearing you talk out loud about what I am doing to you is bring me. Hips dip again and I just HAVE to kiss you again. Closing my eyes, out lips meet once more. Noticing the slight differences in kissing a man, the light stubble of hair growing in, the texture of your lips, and the hardness underneath me. But above all, the knowledge that I can be rough with you and know you won't brake. You Edward Elric are not a frail creature, at least not on the outside.

Half-heartedly you return the kiss, is it that your inexperienced or just not interested? Your head may tell you otherwise, but your eyes really do betray you. Diving my hands into your hair, yanking back exposing your bare neck to my feasting. The growl that emits surprises even myself, I have never 'let' go with anyone before. I am finding I may learn to love it. Peeling back my lips, I sink my teeth savagely into the flesh of your naked neck.

"OhhhhaAHHHAHHH," you moan loudly, bucking your hips up wildly. "What the HELL!" Smiling into the flesh between my teeth I can feel you...your as hard as I. Sinking my bite deeper, I want you to remember this. You do like pain don't you. The way your body flares under me, and the way you fist the couch cushions not knowing what to do with your hands. Finally...my goal is attained, the sharpness of my eye tooth pierces flesh and I can taste you. Pulling back from your heaving form, I want to remember you like this for lifetimes to come. Struggling to catch the breath that alludes you so well, my mark red and feral in you skin, and the way your eyes whisper wicked things to me.

"I don't understand?" you pant, head still restrained by my hand. Gods...my control is slipping badly. Why do you have to look this good to me?

Fisting your hair tighter in my grasp, pulling your face closer to mine, I want to see you, I want to see the truth behind those golden orbs. Our eyes lock, and I know I am gone. My hips slam into yours, a hard thrust of pent up desire. Our arousals clash together, ripping a sweet tattered moan from your lips. "Don't you know? I..." another brutal thrust against you, "want.." and another more forceful than the last. "You!" Smashing my lip to your roughly, and this time I get a response. You seem to finally come alive under me, our tongues battle for dominance. *This is just a preview of what's to come Ed. I will have you gasping and screaming under me soon.*

"Mustang!" you yell. Out of frustration, anger, or perhaps something more?

"Tell me, Fullmetal, and I'll get up!" A promise is a promise, and if you tell me I will leave you. But, it will kill me to do so.

"NO!" your eyes plead. "Don't let me go! If you do, I'll run. And I don't want to run anymore...I'm so tired."

Swiveling, grinding, thrusting against your erection like a rabid animal in heat. I want to hear you scream! "Tell me Ed, and we'll continue," Leaning in to catch a small spot of blood running from my bite, moaning I rasp, "But don't you dare lie to me."

Hitching your breath, "I...don't want to live like this anymore." Sighing softly, you close your eyes so not to see my reaction...Ed, the coward. "I'm sorry."

*I don't want to hear this! I won't hear this...* "Ed, please let me give you a reason...." Don't do this to me, I need you don't you see?

"Try if you want..." the life breathed out in a whoosh of sorrow. Then the hot anger bubbles to life, you're like a hurricane Ed. Torn in too many directions, never knowing where you'll end up. "I wish for this will to live! Don't you think for a second that I wish things were different." Your eyes snap open, and the tears that never fall slide defiantly down your red cheeks. After all these years you're finally able to cry. "Every damned day I regret what we did...what I did. But, I can't change the past. I tried and failed! I am no God, what right did I have? And...now...what does the future hold for me?"

"Don't you dare finish it!"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"I don't want to hear this. I won't!" Pulling you into a tight embrace we cry together. *What God hates you so that he'd damn you for a mistake?* Your silent tears...leak evidence on my face and I think I love you...

"Mustang?" you rasp, so tired.

Looking at the clear trails of crystalline tears now finally released, I see how young you really are. Reaching to whip them away, you lean softly into my palm....my touch. "You can call me Roy you know." I want to hear my name roll from your reddened lips.

Nodding, "Roy..."you try the word out loud, feeling it's foreignness on your tongue. I don't think you've ever called me by my name before...Oh how I like it. "give me a reason." I need no other persuasion, stripping the long red overcoat off your shoulders followed by the black over shirt. Vaguely I wonder why you wear so many layers? "Wait! Mus..Roy...I want to see you first." *My..my...my little innocent Ed your starting to come around.* Laughing inwardly, you still have a raging blush going on though.

Leaning back, settling on your legs, I un-button the gold uniform jacket and toss it to the floor. Quickly following in it's place is the white undershirt...mnnn I wonder why I wear so many layers? Holding your heated gaze with my own, this private little strip tease is just for you. Sitting naked from the chest up, I tell you eagerly, "You can touch me if you want..." Oh how I want.

Attentively you place two hands on my chest, muscles twitching with the connection.You slowly trace the plains of my chest, the look on your face is close to comical and I can't hold in the chuckle that escapes. "What's so funny?" you snap, the hurt plain on your face.

"I'm sorry. But the look on your face is funny. I know you've seen a male chest before, but the way you're looking at me makes me seem alien."

Smoothing your hands across my abdomen, smiling you say lightly, "Ya, that's true, but I have never with them sitting on in my lap."

We both share a laugh at your words, "I hope not." Narrowing my eye I am wanting you touch. "Ed, take off the gloves and TOUCH me."

"But..." there it is again that damned hurt in your eyes, slicing me from the inside. " the automail..."

"I don't care Ed," I pull the gloves off for you. Kissing all five of the metal digits, pulling the middle one deep into my mouth enjoying the cool metallic contrast in my hot mouth. The flesh hand remains on my chest idly playing with my nipple. Sucking on the finger, pulling it out and sucking it back in play visual havoc with you. Moaning, you clench the hand on my chest digging sharp nails into the flesh catching a constricted nipple in your wake. My dick twitches in my pants, begging to be release. I plead through a smooth metal finger, "AGAIN!"

Your eyes flare, and I know this is the point of no return. Nails raked across my chest, you bucking and moaning under me...so uncontrolled. It's driving me crazy...I can't take it any more. "Clothes...off...NOW!" I wanted this to be a slow seduction, but it's turning down the other path real fast. In a fury of ripping cloth and colorful metaphors, we're both standing naked in front of one another. Resting a hand on my hip, eyes feasting on the banquet before me, I just can't resist. "I'm impressed. Your body's seemed to make up else where for your lack of height."

"No short jokes Mustang," your growl in a feral manor. Good your beginning to understand. This is how I want you...wild and uninhibited. I await the acidic insults your so fond of flinging, but you just stop...mouth hanging open. Seeing the flushness of your face, the way your mouth is lift open, my dick twitches again.

"Touch me..." I rasp. Stepping into you, you reach for me with the flesh. But, I want all of your or nothing at all. Swatting your hand away, before you voice a protest, I grab your automail. Pulling you to me, guiding you to my center. The stimulation is amazing...chilled steel on velvet fire. You close the hand around me, just holding me. My body screams to move, while I fight it not too. I know this is new to you, and try to calm down. "Like this," closing my hand around you, showing you how to stroke me.

My hand over yours, pumping hard and fast, throwing my head back...is this heaven? No..not quiet. Grabbing your now free mane, yanking you to me, I rape your mouth with a bruising kiss while fucking your hand. "Don't stop...." hissing, I hang on to you thrusting deep into your cold hand. "ED!" was the last coherent word ripped from my vocals as I fill your hand with my essence.

Attempting to catch my breath, I hear you ask frantically, "Roy?!" you so hard, I can see you need release. Lifting my form from yours, I watch you for a second. Running a shaking hand down your stomach, gently touch proof of my wanting. You say more to yourself, "It's hot." Slowly running a finger though the semen, you look up at me and know you have me. There before me you stand, full and erect, bringing that finger to your mouth...licking my cum off your finger. Damn...you don't know what you do to me. "Mnnn you taste good."

You look so erotically innocent standing there sucking my cum off your finger. All traces of the scared boy you once were are gone, replaced with that unbridled lust that seems to be contagious. Damn if it feels good. "Now's the fun part..." Dropping to my knees not giving you the chance to think, grabbing your ass I slam you deep into my throat.

"AAHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK!" Clawing your ass, ripping guttural screams from you. To anyone with in hearing distance would think that I am killing you in here...maybe I am who knows? I all I know for sure is that my orders will be followed...'Don't come in no matter what' and I know Hawkeye will obey. Bucking, moaning, screaming under my tongue torture, you wail, "I Can't....DAMN IT!" Pushing deeper and deeper into my mouth, trying to climb with in me. I know your close... I can feel you....taste you...I want to bring you! Reaching down to my now raging erection, pinching the head, milking the pre-cum onto my fingers. "Roy!" still deeper you try to go, hunched over my bowed form clutching my shoulders for support. Smiling on your dick, I pull you into my throat and for a quick second I dart my tongue out and sneak a lick to your balls.

Nails dig into you shoulder blades, you pump wildly into my with no rhythm. Flexing the hand holding your ass with determined nails, brining up the now slick fingers. Spreading your thrusting ass cheeks apart, I sink the wet digit in deep. "AHHHHH!" you scream at the invasion, throwing you head back followed by an arch of blond hair. Your body pulled taunt and guttural bellow roll from your chest, and I know they're not born of pain. For one so openly seek death you have a lot of pent up passion. Not giving you a chance to recover I sink another deep within your body, finger fucking your ass as you slam into my throat. Digging deeper, delving for the one spot, pumping into you like I am dying. I wish I could see you...the way you must look.

When you freeze for a millisecond and a chill races over your body I know I find my destination. With one final violent thrust, you rip out, "I...ahhmmmnnnnn...Cumming!!!" Then the hot rush of all that is you sprays in a fountain of lust down my throat. Sucking you...milking you...swallowing you..not wanting to miss one single drop. * I love you taste...a blend of spices and sweets. I could never have enough of you.*

Your legs give and you slump onto top of me, as I pull the last of your cum from your shaking body. Unlocking the death grip you had in my back, you slowly sink to the floor before me. "Well?" I ask with an all male authority.

Opening your eyes, and for once in a long time they hold a lightness about them. "Well, what?" he grins, slyly turn it into a smirk. You lean into me, but a kiss away. Pausing for just a second, you whisper, "You missed a spot," then the most sexiest thing I have even seen happens. You lap up the semen dripping from my chin, tasting yourself as you tasted me.

Growling, I push you back until your flat on your back under me once more. "I'm going to make that smug grin disappear." Pulling your arms above your head, trapping you beneath me, I latch onto your right nipple biting until I taste blood once more. "SHIT!" I know you like this, your erection tells me poking into my belly as I ravage your chest. Releasing the tortures nipple, I nip my way down your chest. Getting my first glance at the small knife wound to your side. Anger rears it's hated head, as I wonder why you do this to yourself? Is it you truly need the pain in your life so bad that you seek it behind the lies of protection and duty? Well I will change that. Licking a long line down the raw flesh, filling my mouth with the red liquid pulsing out from our ministrations. "Every time you want pain, you come to me!" Biting into that tender flash, I feel you scream vibrate under my mouth. Letting go of you, watching you pant in sweet pleasured pain. "I will give you what you want, with out the risk of death. Do you understand me?! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

"YES!"

"Good," with that said I will give you the pain you so badly crave. Slamming into your unprepared orifice, filling you, seating myself to the hilt. My hand holding down your arms, the other ripping holes in my carpet, I pump into you hard. Watching you wither and cry under me, and I love ever minute of it. "I..will always.." I pull out almost all the way, and them push my self deeper once more, fighting the tightness you have, "give you..." and again deeper, harder the sound of my flesh meeting flesh drowns out my words, but I know you hear them, "what you want!" Releasing you arms, I pull back you hair once more. Opening your vulnerable neck to me, enjoying all the different noises I pull from your small body.

"Mustang!" you voice drowning in ecstasy.

"What!" dropping my hips lower, penetrating deeper. No words make their way our of your mouth, just euphoric screams. With a burst of strength, you yank your hair from my grasp, pulling your elbows to your side to prop yourself up. I have never seen such exquisite fire housed in ones body before.

"HARDER!" sweet drips from every part of our bodies, I stop just to stare at you. Stilled with in you, you buck up trying to get me to move once more. "Make me...MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!"

Smiling coldly, I knock you back down. I know what you want...I do. Throwing my right forearm across your chest to hold you down, the other hand makes it way to your neck. "I like you screaming under me," were the only words. Squeezing slightly, you react better than expected. Bucking wildly, meeting thrust for violent thrust, this just flat does it for you doesn't it? Well just wait. Moving the arm holding you, it searches for the port to the slickness between us. A mixture of blood and semen lubricates our movements. Digging fingers deep into the open wound, I yell, "Scream for me Full Metal...cum screaming my name!"

"RROOYYYYYY" you finally wail, tears streaming down your face. Eyes roll back, and you spit your semen hotly between us. Waves of your essence flow down my belly mixing with your blood and my earlier encounter. The clenching of our canal is my down fault, that and the total freeness about you. Tucking my head down, pulling back for one final thrust, I come in a horse cry. It was all for you Edward.

Falling on top of you, for a second then pulling my weight to my arms. The slick stickiness of our fun heats our bellies between us. Broken gasps and heavy breathing echo in my office, I will surely never forget this. Your arms move up to hold onto my neck, seeking solace. Nuzzling your chin, I ask, "Ed? You okay?"

"Mmnnn...ok. Now." Your eyes close on their own accord, and I can't say I blame you. Lapping at the sweet mixture of blood and semen, laughing at us. Both sprawled out on my office floor, naked and spent. Not even second thoughts of repercussion of this intervention, you're worth it.

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The two lovers still intertwined within each other, lost in their own bliss, never heard the argument coming from outside. Nothing else mattered to them, except the other. For these last few minutes of after glow, there is no need to think, no need to worry about the future. They're hear and now and that's ALL that matters.

"BUT he's SCREAMING...and...and it sounds like he hurt! Mustang's killing him in there I KNOW he is! I don't care what your orders are I am going in to save my brother!" Alphonse yells at the young Lieutenant.

"NO!" she yells, knowing she must obey orders no matter what. Herself torn between the promise made to a friend, and the orders of a superior. *He told me not to go in for anything....he promised he wouldn't hurt him! Why WAS he screaming? Are they just fighting, or really ripping each other apart in there?*

"BROTHER!" the metal warrior calls out, pushing the blond out of his way. Hell bent on saving his brother from whatever hurts him. Slamming open the simple wooden door, rushing through, prepared to save him. But, what he wasn't prepared for was the scene played out in front of him. Nothing at all what he'd expected. Before him was his older brother naked and bleeding, pinned beneath a sweat cover Colonel Mustang. At first he thought his brother was dead, but the way he held onto the Colonel....a lover's embrace. And...and...is he?? "Ummmm..."Al stumbles, a loss for words.

"Ahhh.." quickly Hawkeye closes the door, giving privacy to the occupants. Her face flooded in a deep crimson, she rambles, "I need a bathroom....go to...yeah...um...PEE have to pee." Turning on her heel, running swiftly until she reaches the first empty office. The erotic picture of the two males buried deep within each other feeding flames to the lust that's flared between her legs. Bending herself over the nearest desk, reaching down the tight military pants, she touches herself. Dripping wet and aroused beyond return. The muffled moans, and prior screams of pleasure are soon not to be forgotten by anyone close enough to an air duct that day.

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A/n: I know this is heavy, but it was just begging to be written. And when my muse yells in my head at three thirty in the morning it's hard not to listen. *Grumbles and rolls eyes at devilish little muse*...you're such a pain in the ass...LOL. Let me know if you like it, I know I LOVED witting it! See ya soon.

SeveredWings