Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ But Something Was Off ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Sorry I've been sorta Update-retarded for a while. I'll update on my other stories ASAP, but first, I wanted to get this one-shot out. I hope you like it!

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Have you ever woken up somewhere that you don't know? Now, have you ever woken up in a body that wasn't yours? Well, Ed, at the moment, was experiencing both, but he didn't know about the second one quite yet.

He blinked open his eyes and saw that he was in a room that he didn't recognize. The floor was littered with alchemic texts, just like his. The desk was covered in papers with arrays on them, just like his. There was a door, four walls, and a window, just like his. But something was off. The walls were a milky sort of brown and the ceiling fan in the center of the room was missing a fan (for god knows why).

He looked around and saw that he was on a bed that he didn't recognize. There was a wooden headboard, just like on his. There was a cozy comforter, just like on his. The pillows were nearly beaten to death in an attempt to make them softer (they were those stupid pillows that the maids put in the military dorm and felt like trying to sleep on concrete), just like on his. But something was off. The design on the comforter was much to showy for his taste, and he was amazed that he'd actually fallen asleep under a blanket that loud. The springs on this bed were a big more flexible then on his, suggesting that whoever owned this actually slept on it pretty much daily whereas he was always out of town. There was also another person on this bed, and he certainly wasn't used to that.

The looked down in his arms and saw a body that he definitely recognized. It had long blonde hair, just like him. It was short (as reluctant as he was to admit it), just like him. It had a long white scar across his chest from one of it's many fearsome battles, just like him. But something was off. This other-him in his arms snored like a freakin' bulldozer as it ran over a pile of rubble and this other-him slept with his limbs all over the place like he'd just flopped down the bed and hoped he didn't miss, whereas this-him slept in a tight ball. This other-him also had drool dripping from his chin and Ed winced in disgust as he reached up to wipe it away.

But something was off.

He stared at his hand for a moment to see what was wrong, and it took his hung-over brain a good minute to notice. It was too big. This hand was about twice the size as his should have been. Normally he would have been able to figure out exactly what had happened, but when you get shit-faced one night, by the next morning your brain is mush, so his first thought was `I grew! WOOHOO! I finally grew!'

But something was off.

If he was himself, then who was this smoking hot (if he did say so himself) blonde in his arms? `It's my clone! I finally perfected that cloning array!'

But something was off.

Why was the blonde naked? Why was he naked? `I must have saved someone from drowning again and used my body heat to keep him from freezing to death.'

But something was off.

Where was he? If he had saved someone, wouldn't he have taken him to the hospital after he got warm enough to function properly?

There was a knock on the door. Not wanting to wake the peacefully sleeping boy, he uncurled his arms from around him and walked over to pick up a pair of boxers that were laying on the floor near a familiar red coat. Now, why did that coat seem so familiar?

He opened the door and yawned, but cracked open an eye to see who it was. “Al?” He asked.

“Colonel! I can't find Ed! He went out for a drink last night, and never came home!” Al said in a panic, pulling on the end of his ponytail like he always did when he was worried. “Colonel? You okay?”

`Colonel… Colonel… Should that mean something to me?' He wondered. Suddenly, he thought of something. “Um, Al…” He said in a voice that was far too deep to be his. “I'm sure that Ed's fine. He probably just fell asleep in the office or something since I was a bastard and asked him to come see me and never showed up.”

Al looked at him curiously. “Oh… I'll… go check the office then.”

He smiled and nodded and shut the door as Al walked away. With a sigh, he walked over to the mirror and was not surprised to find himself looking into the face of Colonel Roy Mustang.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Roy Mustang was sleeping soundly, but it wasn't exactly a vision of sugarplums that were dancing around his head. No, it was more like a vision of pleasure filled moans as he and Ed were having `fun' on his bed.

Ed's face was flushed and he looked cute in a way that Roy knew, even in his hung-over sleeping haze, the blonde would never let himself look like in real life. “Oh… Roy…” The boy moaned.

“Roy… Roy… Roy, if you don't wake up right now I'm going to punch myself in the face and give you a black eye… or two. Heh, you know while I'm at it, I think I'll go running around in the halls and hit on every guy that I pass.” There was maniacal laughter.

But something was off.

Why was it his voice that was saying these things? And why would a guy punching himself in the face give Roy a black eye? He peeked his eyes open and saw that a mirror was being held in his face. He sleepily reached up and grabbed it's warm cheeks. “Hello, gorgeous. Don't I look good today?”

The mirror laughed. “Do you always say stupid shit like that when you wake up?” his reflection asked.

“Heh, heh…” He mumbled. “Why did my mirror say that? It sounds like something that Ed would say.”

“That's because Ed did say it! Or at least… Ed thought it, but your mouth said it. I think… Ugh! This is confusing!”

Roy sat up and yawned, stretching his arms behind his head. He ran a hand through his hair as he tried to force his eyes open to the sunlight.

But something was off.

When did his hair get so long? Letting that thought roll off his back, he stood up and stretched again.

But something was off.

When did he get so short? “Wow,” He mumbled to himself. “I'm a shrimp. How did this happen?”

“WHO DID YOU CALL A SHIMP SO SMALL THAT EVEN FISH CAN'T EAT HIM!”

But something was off.

Why would his mirror say something like that?

Then, he woke up in an instant and everything hit him like a train. “Oh…”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“How did something like this happen?” Ed asked, burying Roy's face in Roy's hands.

“What? The drunken sex or the switch of bodies?” Roy asked, crossing Ed's arms over Ed's chest. Roy's face gave him a look that said `What do you think?' Roy sighed. “The only explanation that I can think of is that the sex was really good.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“Well, I read somewhere that an extreme amount of pleasure can force a soul out of it's body for a few seconds. Haven't you heard people talk about a white light whenever they have really good sex? The only probably with us is, that somehow, our souls accidentally went into the wrong bodies.”

Roy reached u and scratched at Ed's collar bone where the flesh turned to automail. His face contorted in pain. “How do you stand this itch?”

Ed grinned. “Look at that. Five minutes into it and you're already miserable. I think I like this.” He chuckled darkly. “Just wait until you have to deal with all the crap that I go through everyday. I can't wait!”

Roy shook Ed's head. “No way. We are going about our normal lives. There is no way that I am going to pretend to be you.”

“And what, exactly, is wrong with being me?”

“For one thing, you're short.”

Ed grinned even wider. “While I'm in this body, you can't call me short, shrimp.”

Roy sighed. “We just need to get back in our own bodies as soon as possible. What if we-?”

“No.”

“You don't even know what I'm going to say!”

“You were going to say that we should have sex again and see if our souls switch back.”

Roy hesitated. “Okay, so maybe you do know what I was gonna say.”

“We'll just have to find a different way. And what are we gonna tell people when they ask what the heck my body is dong sitting you chair?”

“Tell them the truth. We were doing some alchemy and there was an accident and we somehow switched bodies.”

Ed snorted, which looked weird coming from Roy's body. “Truth, yeah right…”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When `Roy' and `Ed' walked into the office that morning, everyone looked up and was surprised to find that `Ed' was walking in the front with his hands held together behind his back and a dignified look on his face and `Roy' walking with his hands in his pockets as he looked around idly.

“Uh, Colonel?” Riza asked.

`Ed' looked up at her. “Yes Riza?”

Riza blinked but didn't say anything.

“We should tell them now,” `Roy' said to `Ed'.

`Ed' nodded. “Everyone, there is something we need to tell you. Ed and I have switched bodies. This shrimpy body that you see here, actually houses the beautiful soul of Roy Must- Ooh, she's hot. Can I have her number?” `Ed' said as he ran over and took the picture that Havoc held in his hands.

Ed rolled his eyes. “Very smooth Colonel.”

Havoc sighed. “Well, now we know that it's true. The Chief would never drool over a woman like that. This is gonna be exhausting, I can tell.”