Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Disaster or Destiny? ❯ The Cruelty of Equivalence ( Chapter 22 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

“This should make you easier to handle.”

Even in my half-conscious state, that smooth, velvety voice was unmistakable. The only difference was that it had lost all of its former charm.

Thomas walked over and kneeled next to me, then picked me up and headed out the door. Even as we left the freezing room and the sunlight shone down on us, my skin remained cold and my body numb. I guessed he was using alchemy to keep it that way.

In a split-second decision I summoned all my remaining strength and threw my weight to the side and reached back for the door, which was still covered in ice that jutted out sharply from where Thomas has cracked it. Apparently thinking this was an escape attempt Thomas twisted my arm back. I whimpered in pain, but had accomplished what I wanted.

“I wouldn’t try anything stupid like that again if I were you,” he growled.

I remained silent but squeezed my hand into a fist. The blood from the fresh gash in my palm trickled down my hand and onto the grass. The trail was faint, but it was the best I could do.

Wary of being seen at first, he relaxed as he carried me farther into the woods. It wasn’t hard to figure out what he had planned. The light from a human transmutation would be visible from quite a distance, so the deeper into the trees we went, the safer it was for him to perform it.

He gave me a sardonic grin, turning his handsome face into something ugly and twisted. “You know, it’s really too bad you didn’t just listen to me the first time and helped me use the other Stone. At least then you would have lived.” He shrugged. “But, as long as I get what I want I suppose it doesn’t matter.”

I was too weak to protest and laid helplessly in his arms, terrified and longing for Ed and Al.

After a while we reached a clearing in the trees and I was barely able to make out a transmutation circle carved into the ground. By now I was struggling to hold on to sanity; hypothermia was kicking in, and once it got severe enough would cause mental instability.

I realized something was wrong when Thomas stopped dead in his tracks, and I forced my head to turn. Lust was standing there, looking displeased.

“So, you got out,” she said coolly.

Thomas laid me down on the ground. He straightened and ran a hand through his hair irritably. “Yeah, not too hard for someone like me. What do you want?”

She shook her head at his arrogance and stepped forward. “I gave you the information about the girl. You owe me at least one use of the Stone.”

I could tell by his voice that Thomas was beginning to lose his cool. “Absolutely not. It will only have three uses at the most as it is.”

Lust’s eyes narrowed and she took another step toward Thomas. “Don’t argue with me, boy. This is not a request, it’s an order. I’ll kill you if you don’t do as I say.”

Thomas grinned in an obvious attempt to hide his fear. “I’d like to see you try.”

Lust raised an eyebrow. “Arrogant now, aren’t we? What makes you think you’re skilled enough to pull this off?”

He glared at her with seering hatred. “I know I am.”

“Well I for one would feel safer letting Fullmetal perform the transmutation. This is an opportunity I can’t afford to pass up, and I’m not going to let some third-rate alchemist foul it up.”

“Don’t you dare compare me to him, bitch!”

I could tell by his expression and his voice that he was ready to perform the transmutation right there, just to prove to Lust that he could. Ironically, it was his own method of “making me easier to handle” that allowed me to prevent the transmutation from happening.

Hypothermia happened to be a condition that made it fairly easy to fake one’s own death. If it became severe enough, it not only caused shallow, almost non-apparent breathing, but an inaudible, sometimes non-existent heart beat as well.

The problem with this was that once the victim reached this point, they were usually too messed up in the head to know what they were doing. Confusion and even an unawareness that they were in danger took over. Strangely enough, this is where my illness caused by the red water poisoning actually came in handy. Because my breathing and heart beat were already inhibited from my previous condition, it amplified the symptoms of hypothermia - which was quickly setting in - and gave me the ability to fake a believeable death but still hold onto reason, at least somewhat. As scared as I was that my breathing was so shallow and my heartbeat so inaudible that I could actually fake death, I had a better chance of surviving this way that as a component for the Stone. Of course, I realized that if no one found me and treated me quickly I’d die from it anyway.

I was unsure if a person who died from freezing to death died with their eyes open or closed, but I decided closed would be more convincing. I knew they were finally aware of me when there was a sudden halt in the argument. That, and I could suddenly sense Lust’s eyes on me.

“What’s wrong with her?” Lust asked, interrupting Thomas in mid-sentence.

“What are you talking about?“ I heard him turn around and kneel next to me, and barely felt his hand on my chest. Normally I would have flinched, but I was so frozen it wasn’t hard to remain still. He searched for a heart beat, and I was both nervous and relieved that he seemed convinced that there wasn‘t one. “Oh shit…”

Lust‘s voice gained in volume and malice. “You fool, you’ve dropped her body temperature too much! Did you not realize that she is of absolutely no use to you dead?”

He was spared from having to answer as what sounded like two new sets of footsteps entered the clearing.

“Get your goddamn hands off her!” Ed’s familiar voice, as hostile as it was, was music to my ears. My blood trail must have actually worked.

Thomas jumped back in surprise and Ed ran over to me. I barely felt him slide a hand underneath my back and hold me to his chest.

“She’s so cold…” he whispered. His voice was dripping with hatred as he shouted, “What the hell did you do to her?!”

Thomas sounded nearly as frustrated with himself as everyone else was, and even more confused. “I just meant to immobilize her, I didn’t think she’d actually die from it…”

Ed stiffened at Thomas’s words. He obviously hadn’t heard Lust’s accusation. I felt his face move closer to mine as he listened for a breath. As much as I hated to decieve him, I was determined to make him believe I was gone. I wasn’t sure if he would think rationally before making it clear I was still alive if he found out. His emotions could take over before he realized what I was trying to accomplish by my act.

In silence he took a hold of my wrist, checking for a pulse. Apparently he was convinced, because I felt a tear land on my cheek and he shook slightly as he held me to him.

“You bastard…” he whispered so quietly that I doubted anyone else could hear. His voice gained volume as he gently put me down and stood up. The sound was so familiar that I knew when he transmuted his arm into the usual steel blade without having to see it. “I’ll fucking kill you!”

But there was no need. Another familiar sound reached my ears as Lust extended her dagger-like fingers. This action was followed by grunts of pain that could only have come from Thomas.

There was a squelching sound as she retracted her weapons and pulled them out of Thomas’s body. “Fools like him don’t deserve to live.“ She began to walk away, but stopped next to Ed. Her voice was full of regret. “You should have listened to me and done it when I first told you. Now not only have you lost her, but you’ve lost your chance to restore your brother.” She left, and neither Ed nor whoever was with him made a move to stop her. I knew she was partly keeping him alive in case she ever needed to use him again, but I couldn’t help but think that it was also out of pity.

Ed suddenly broke down and began to sob uncontrollably. As far as he knew, at this point all hope was lost.

I wanted desperately to tell him I was alive, but didn’t dare in case Lust was still around. I wanted to make absolutely sure she was gone before I revealed otherwise. I would have to soon no matter what, because I wasn’t going to last much longer if I continued to lay there.

He dropped to his knees and pulled me to him once again. His warm body against mine felt wonderful, and I longed to return his embrace. In a quiet, broken voice, he said, “Why did I leave her alone? What the hell was I thinking?”

I heard the other person come a little closer. “Don’t blame yourself, Ed. This isn’t your fault.” I recognized the voice as the Colonel’s, although it was unusually solemn and sympathetic.

It was getting to the point where I could barely sense my own heartbeat, and I decided now was the time. I couldn’t seem to make myself move, so instead whispered to Ed in a small, almost inaudible voice, “Please don’t cry, Ed.”

I opened my eyes half-way and saw him staring at me wide-eyed. His eyes brimmed with tears and he held me even tighter. “Don’t you ever, EVER do that to me again!”

Even speaking was becoming difficult, and I had to take several deep breaths before I could continue. “I’m sorry. I didn’t have any other choice.” I didn’t need to explain further; he knew why I had done it.

He picked me up and started walking as fast as he could back to H.Q., making sure to head in a different direction than Lust had. The Colonel quickly followed.

“Ed, it’s definitely hypothermia. I’m going to run ahead to warn Hawkeye so she can help. Take her inside the building so we have faster access to her if need be. Keep her warm, don’t let her fall asleep, and don’t let her move around or she might pump cold blood to her heart. We‘ll have to worry about the body later.”

That being said, he sprinted ahead as Ed followed as fast as he could. His voice was replete with utter loathing. “It can rot there for all I care. I only wish I could have killed that son of a bitch with my own hands.”

I struggled to keep my eyes open and replied, “I wouldn’t want you to dirty your hands over something like that. He’s not worth it.”

He wore an expression that matched the malice in his voice. “But you are worth it, and I’d have done it in a heartbeat. Hell, him touching you was enough of an excuse.” His face and his voice both softened as he glanced down at me, worry plastered on his face. “You have to promise me you’ll hold on. That act was a little too convinving.”

I gave him a small, bitter smile and whispered, “Ironic how being on the verge of death saved my life though, isn’t it?”

I regretted saying it when a look of complete anguish graced his features. “Don’t say that. You’re going to be fine.”

He carried me into one of the dorms inside where Hawkeye already had a room prepared. They propped me up against a pile of pillows so I was in a sitting position. She cleaned and wrapped my bloody hand, then straightened and resumed her usual stiff standing position.

“Now I know you probably want to lay down but it’s dangerous for you to fall asleep until we get your heart rate back up and your body temperature back to normal.” Hawkeye’s usually stern voice was warm and comforting, her brown eyes soft. “Edward, stay with her. I’ll be right back.”

She left the room and Ed sat next to me, pulling me close to him. I snuggled against him and didn’t even notice when my eyelids started to droop. Ed lifted my chin up with his hand and I gazed at him with tired eyes.

He kissed my forehead. “Don’t fall asleep, remember?”

I yawned but kept my eyes open and leaned my head against his chest. “How did you find me so fast?”

He stroked my hair he answered quietly, “When I left this morning I asked the Colonel to check on you when he got the chance. I came back to ask him what I should do with an officer I had to knock out because he found us working with the red water that technically belongs to the military. It was Mustang’s career at stake, so I wanted to let him handle it as he saw fit. When he wasn’t in his office I figured he went over to you, and I found him. I knew what was going on when I saw the ice, and we followed the blood as far as it went. After the trail was too faint we just kept moving forward until we found you.”

Hawkeye walked in and gave me something warm to drink. She left but was quickly replaced by an anxious Alphonse.

“Brother, what’s taking you so long - “ He saw me and was about to question, but Ed held up a hand and explained everything.

Not five seconds after he was finished, Mustang burst through the door, confusion and concern etched on his face. “Thomas’s body - it’s gone.”

Ed sat up in surprise. “What?!”

As if in answer to his question, there was a sudden ruckus outside. The dorm we were in was on the bottom floor in the back of the building, so the sound of a struggle was clear. Ed jumped up and ran out the door, shouting behind as he ran, “Al, stay with her!”

Mustang led the way, leaving Al and I in a quandary.

I struggled out of the bed, causing Al to rush over. “Marie, you’re not supposed to move around!”

If the person outside was who I thought, things would definitely get messy once Ed involved himself. “Take me outside Al. I want to make sure Ed doesn’t do something stupid.”

I left him no room for protest, and he reluctantly picked me up and went after the other two alchemists.

Once out the back door, we were met with an unpleasant sight. There were signs of a previous alchemic struggle. Mustang was aiding an injured Russell as Ed kicked Thomas in the head, sending him flying back against the wall. He proceeded to grab him by the neck of his shirt and pounded his fist into Thomas’s face repeatedly.

Ed paused his incessant beating and hissed at the now helpless boy in front of him. “That’s the third time you’ve tried to take her life. I’ve been careless to allow this many, it won’t happen again!”

Ed had already beaten Thomas to a point where the latter was incapable of fighting back. Ed appeared as if he were in some kind of trance; his focus was solely on the object of his loathing.

“Edward, stop! You’re going to kill him!” I shouted desperately.

“That’s the idea!” he screamed, ramming Thomas into the wall.

I struggled out of Al’s arms and made my way laboriously toward the angry blonde. The look of deep hatred on his face was replaced by worry, and he dropped Thomas’s limp body and ran to me. I was already out of breath, and fell gratefully into his arms.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t move around like this!” he scolded.

I gazed up at him with pleading eyes and put a hand to the side of his face. “Don’t kill him, Ed. I don’t want your hands stained with the blood of another. If you kill him, you‘ll only be stooping to his level. You‘re above that, you‘re a better person.”

He looked as if he wanted to protest but instead sighed dejectedly. Mustang walked over, supporting Russell. “Al, help him. I’ll take care of Thomas.”

With Ed supporting me and Al Russell, we returned to the dorms. An alarmed Hawkeye began to tend to Russell’s wounds and, confused though we all were, we waited until everyone was taken care of before asking any questions.

After a stern scolding, an irritated Hawkeye left the room, resulting in the sudden blurting out of questions from everyone at once.

“Where did Thomas come from? I thought he was in jail?” Al questioned.

“Who the hell was that guy, anyway?” Russell asked almost simultaneously.

Ed and I pestered Russell on why they were fighting in the first place until we finally managed to gain a little order. Ed explained to Russell that we’d known Thomas previously, he most likely had escaped from jail and then tried to use me to make the Philosopher’s Stone because of what he‘d learned from Lust.

“But we saw Lust stab him! How was he fighting Russell?” I queried.

We all turned to Russell for an explanation, who suddenly looked solemn and reluctant to speak. “He…he came to destroy everything. All of the work that we’ve done so far.”

An uncomfortable silence followed. Ed finally broke it, his face downcast so he could barely be heard. “Tell me he didn’t succeed.”

Russell pulled a small phial out of his pocket. “He did. This is all I was able to get, he took me completely by surprise.”

Ed pounded a fist in the wall. “That bastard, he must have done the same thing as Marie. He faked his death and learned that she was still alive. After that he went straight to the source; if he destroyed the red stone we were making we wouldn’t be able to save her.”

Al pieced the rest together. “He must have thought that at that point we would have gone ahead and made the Stone, and he could have taken it afterwards.”

I laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling, a feeling of hopelessness slowly consuming me. Ed sat on the bed and put his face in his hands. “I don’t get it; how did he know about us making the red stone?”

Everything seemed so unreal at the moment that I wasn’t feeling much of any kind of emotion. I still felt as if I could wake up at any moment and realize this was all a nightmare. My voice was dull as I provided a possible answer. “He must have been hanging around for the past few days, and that’s how he knew when I would be alone so he could kidnap me. For all we know, he could have somehow listened in on a conversation or something that gave him the information he needed. That must have been how he got the location of where you were working as well.”

Ed glanced at me with a look that said he felt the same way I did. He then turned to Russell and asked dryly, “Does that phial do us any good at all?” He obviously wasn’t expecting a positive answer, but Russell’s reply contained a glimmer of hope.

“Well,” he began, inspecting the red liquid, “physically, it appears to be close to what the end result should look like. It has mercury-like characteristics, kind of between a liquid and a solid. It looks good, but technically the process should take at least four more days.”

There was another pregnant silence as we all realized what this meant. If Lust was right in her estimation of how long I had left, there wouldn’t be time to start another one. Our only option was now rendered useless.

I turned on my side and faced the wall, staring at nothing in particular. I didn’t know what to think, and I didn’t know whether to hope or not. I was starting to think that maybe I should force myself to accept what was going to happen, but Ed apparently felt otherwise.

I turned back to see him snatch the phial out of Russell’s hand and scrutinize the substance inside. “This looks like the prototypes Marcoh had when I first met him. I don’t see why this wouldn’t work.”

Russell shrugged. “I could work, but it could also be dangerous to use it if it’s not complete.”

Ed returned the phial to Russell. “Dangerous to who, the person using it or the person it’s being used on?”

Russell scratched the back of his head. “My guess would be the user, but anything could happen.”

As strange as it was, I found myself somewhat uniterested in what they were discussing. Judging by our luck lately, it seemed folly to believe that it would work and I didn’t want to get myself worked up about something that was only going to disappoint.

I heard two sets of footsteps, one obviously belonging to Al, stand up and leave the room. They didn’t have to be told to know Ed and I needed to talk, preferably alone. I sunk into a slight indentation in the bed as Ed climbed on. I had turned back to the wall, and he laid on his side next to me, his chest to my back. Pushing away my hair, his lips brushed against my neck. I had to force myself not to cry as I was reminded of the possibility that I could soon be separated from him forever. I didn’t want to cry when I thought of my own life ending, but only when I thought of being taken away from my him. Then more images raced through my mind of other people I didn’t want to leave. I was really starting to feel the pain of being separated from my family for so long, and I couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing them again. Thoughts of Al, Russell, and everyone else I’d become close to, even Havoc and Mustang, made a lump form in my throat.

“Marie,” Ed whispered softly into my ear, “It’s all up to you. If you want me to I’ll try to make another stone, or we can use this one. Or I’ll try to track something else down.”

I reached over my shoulder for his hand and pressed it to my lips. “Ed, you know as well as I do that there’s no time to make another red stone nor would we be able to find another. And there’s a possibility that using the one we have could put you in danger if you tried to use it on me. I’m not willing to take that chance.”

“What are you - ” he began, but I turned around and pressed my lips to his to silence him. I succeeded in distracting him only for a short time. At first completely preoccupied by the kiss, he seemed to remember that he needed to ask me something and reluctantly broke it.

His eyes held a sad determination. “We have to try something. I’m not going to just stand here and lose you.”

“But you and Al could have the Stone, Ed. Did you ever think about that?”

I honestly didn’t want to sacrifice myself for the Stone. Humans are inherently too selfish for things like that. I wanted to be with Ed, even if it meant depriving him of the thing he needed so badly. But because I felt that was impossible, that in the end nothing was going to work anyway, I wanted to give him what he wanted.

“The thought never once crossed my mind, and I don’t want it to cross yours ever again. The point of getting Al and myself back to normal is so we can be happy. I’ve already told you that using a Stone you sacrificed yourself for would just make us miserable, whether we’re in our normal bodies or not.” He pleaded with his eyes, which were beginning to brim with tears. “Please let me try it, Marie. I think it will work, I really do. If I didn’t I wouldn’t suggest it.”

I was having my own battle with my emotions, and they were winning. “But what if something goes wrong?“

The look he gave me was heartbreaking. “Is it because you don’t want to be with me?”

That did it. Any lingering control I had disappeared and I completely broke down. I gazed intently into his eyes and clung desperately to his shirt. “Please Ed, don’t ever think that! I want to be with you more than anything in the world!”

He took my hands into his. “Then why won’t you let me do this?”

“Because I’m afraid you’ll get hurt…Russell said it would hurt whoever was using the Stone. What if Equivalent Exchange took something else from you?”

He ignored my question and asked firmly, “Then tell me this; If we were sure that I would be at no risk, would you let me do it?”

I gazed at him through blinding tears. “Of course. I want to stay with you.”

He turned onto his back and pulled me onto his chest. “As long as that’s the case then, I’m going to do it. It’s up to you whether I use it on you or not, but it’s up to me whether I want to risk being the one to do it. And I do.”

My desire to be with Ed finally made me surrender. Now that he had my consent to use the stone, there was no way to sway him. He told me we were going to do it the following morning, after I‘d recovered a bit from the events of the day. My mind was restless, and the only thing that gave me enough comfort to sleep was knowing that Ed was right there with me.

The next morning Ed brought Russell back and informed him of our decision. Russell seemed apprehensive but handed Ed the phial nonetheless. Ed took a deep breath and held the phial over me, then triggered an alchemic reaction. His determined amber eyes were the last thing I saw before my own were clouded by a bright pink glow. It felt good at first, like the heavy feeling in my chest was being lifted away. But soon after I felt an emptiness, like something important was suddenly missing.

When the glow disappeared, I found myself staring into an unfamiliar face. It was a boy, who looked to be around my age. He had a handsome face with beautiful amber eyes, and had golden blonde hair tied back in a braid. I recognized the boy standing next to the bed as Russell, but who was this other person?

I blushed a little when I noticed how close his face was to mine, and I scooted back. He seemed slightly hurt at the gesture. I tried not to sound rude as I asked, “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

He looked as if I’d just informed him of a loved one’s death. He quickly moved off the bed and gazed at me, obviously troubled by something. “Marie, what are you talking about?”

I cocked my head to the side questioningly. “How do you know my name? I don’t believe I’ve met you before…” I turned to Russell. “Russell, is he a friend of yours?”

I grew more confused as the two of them exchanged horrified looks. The other boy dropped to his knees and pounded a fist on the floor. Though I couldn’t imagine why, I could tell he was on the verge of tears when he said in a hurt, broken voice, “Equivalent Exchange…of all the things you could have taken…”