Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Ed Get's Legal ❯ Ed Get's Legal ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

This is for you Jenny. Happy 18th! I hope you enjoy this, 'cause it was fun to write.

A/N: Let's all just pretend that the legal drinking age, hell, legal everything age in Ed's world is 18, okay? lol. On to the birthday fun!!


~X~X~X~


The late morning sun shone through the windows of the military facility. Bouncing off the drab walls with it's warm rays, the birds outside sang their delightful tribute to the sun and the wind blew playfully...

Come on, no one could blame him for being late right? It was just too nice a day to show up on time for work! And if anyone had something to say about it, they had better not 'cause he was the commanding officer! He was ranks above them and if they uttered one word bordering on insubordination, he was gonna-

Roy shriveled against the wall just outside the office, the image of a gun barrel aimed right between his eyes. Hawkeye was gonna kill him! I'm too handsome and sexy to die!, the smug bastard thought. There's still so much for me to accomplish, still so many women to hit on, still so....siiigh. Roy sucked it up. If he was gonna die today, then let it be with dignity!

Roy peeked into the room, his knees would not stop shaking. How was he supposed to walk into the room in that condition? Honestly, give a man some credit.
Coal coloured eyes scanned the room, noting to their owner that their crazed, gun-toting, blonde subordinate was not to be found. Roy heaved a sigh of relief, and waltz into the office like he owned the place. Well, in a way he kinda did anyway.



Roy opened the door to his personal office, and standing there huddled over his desk were Breda and Havoc, whispering animatedly into the mouth of the phone on his desk. A grin was plastered across both of their faces, Havoc, the ever present cigarette hanging from his mouth, fuming up his office.

A scowl took residence on Roy's face. Just what the hell did they think they were doing? And they had the gall not even to notice his presence, they were sooo busy with whatever they were doing. Roy stalked right up behind them.

" Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Roy demanded, hands on his hips, the scowl growing darker just to scare them more.

The two men went rigid at the tone of their Colonel's voice, sweat erupting from their brows. Havoc hurriedly stammered good-bye to the person on the other line and slammed down the phone. He turned to Roy, a cautious smile on his face along with the sweat that marred his brow.

" Roy, buddy, you sure are lucky that 1st Lutienant Hawkeye isn't here. It's nearly noon and you're just waltzing right in here, no fear," he laughed nervously, patting Roy on the shoulder. " Glad I'm not in your shoes."

Roy shrugged Havoc's hand from his shoulder, piercing him with his creepiest, darkest glare. " I think you're in no condition to have the right to say that to me Havoc, as I would say right now that I'm glad not to be in your shoes."

In that moment, Havoc was compiling everything he wanted written in his will in his mind, while Breda, a man of larger stature, was trying to make a run for it while the Colonel was distracted with Havoc. He was making a good go at it too. Too bad.

" Breda, don't think I can't see you trying to escape," growled Roy. Okay, so he may have been taking this a bit far, but Roy Mustang did not like others screwing around with his stuff....and, alright, he'd admitt it, he enjoyed seeing his subordinates squirm once in a while.

Roy turned to them, a quizzical expression on his face. " Just what where you guys doing that was so important that you had to use my phone? There are other military phones availiable for use, why not use them?"

" Well, we tried that," Havoc told him, frustration edging his voice. "But the lady at the switchboard wouldn't but us through to Madame Zell's Whor-"

" What!!!?! Why the hell were you trying to call a strip joint?!" Roy gasped, sincerely hoping they didn't relize he knew the exact place they were talking about, then relization dawned. " AND ON MY PHONE!!!!!??!!!?!"

Havoc and Breda winced at the Colonel's wail, but Havoc looked at him with an expression of confusion. (Not a stretch from his usual expression, Roy noted)

" You mean you don't know?"

" Know WHAT?" Roy grasped, his mind filling with the images of his career going down in proverbial flames at this one call on HIS private phone.

" You really mean you don't know? I thought for you'd be the first to know. Huh, well that's-" Havoc carried on.

" Look, if the man doesn't know, then he doesn't know Jean. Like, give a guy-" Breda started, all the while Roy was quickly losing his temper.

" I DON'T KNOW WHAT?!!!!!?!!!!?!???!" he fumed, at the point of nearly ripping out his hair.

" That it's Ed's 18th birthday this week.....jeez, don't have to yell."

That caught Roy off-guard. Ed was turning 18? Ed, the Edward Elric, Full Metal Alchemist, the youngest alchemist the State's ever had, the shortest, little blonde shrimp with the shortest fuse. A child prodigy, that he, Roy Mustang discovered himself, was turning 18? He was going to be a man, in just a few short days. Ed.....

Damn, don't I feel old.....

" Hellllllooo? Earth to Roy. Come in, Roy," Havoc waved his hand in front of Roy's face.

Roy slapped it away, his anger gone in the moment. " Don't do that." Suddenly very tired and creaky, Roy slinked off behind his desk and sat in a heap, his dark head resting against the soft leather headrest.

" Come on, Roy. Don't be all depressed, we feel as old as you do," Havoc tried his best to cheer him up. Breda had entered the room again, he stood with his large frame leaning against the door jam.

" Just think, now that Ed's 18, we can harass him even more. He can come out drinking with us, and god knows the kid's never touched alcohol in his life. We can get him totally shit-faced, it'll be great," Breda smirked.

A smile touched Roy's face. " Yeah, that's probably true..." Still depressed....oldness....so old....

" Here's something. Have you ever seen Ed with a girl? I bet 100 bucks, the brat's sweet 18 and never been kissed," Havoc said smuggly, knowing that little bit of info would raise his Colonel's spirit.

Roy sat up straighter, a small smirk on his face. He leaned forward and rested his head on his inter-laced hands.That's right! When I was his age, I'd already been with several girls, no complaints. I was already the Mustang we all know and love, and hate...hehe....Then relization dawned once again for Roy. Oh, this is gonna be great.

Havoc and Breda edged away, as the smirk on Roy's lips grew darker and evil-er and threatened to eat away the rest of his smug face. Roy stood suddenly, causing his two cowering subordinates to jump, and slapped his palms down on the flat surface of his desk.

" What are we waiting for?! Let's get started with the birthday preperations! I need names, places, a time-shedule, a list of people to send out invites....what are you standing over there for? Let's move it!" Roy grinned. This was gonna be one good bash.

Havoc and Breda jumped to attention, equally (okay...a little less evil-er than Roy's) evil grins gracing their faces. They hurried over to their Colonel's desk and started mulling over several party ideas excitedly. They turned when the door to the office opened, and Roy let out a very un-manly yelp.

It was Hawkeye. And when she saw who the ring-leader was of their little huddle, she did NOT look happy. All three men gathered around the desk shivered in fear, and Roy dove behind Havoc using him as a shield.

" Hey!-"

" COLONEL!!!! YOU'RE 5 HOURS LATE!!!!" Riza withdrew her 9mm and loaded it with surprizing speed. " FORGIVE THE INSUBORDINATION SIR, BUT I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!"

" SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!!!!"

........ ...... .. .. . ........ ...

The bird's outside grew silent and flew away at the sound of gunshots being fired...



~X~X~X~


The party was hopping.

The music throbbed, the booze flowed, the drunken laughter and giggles, premating from the female dancers, flew as well as money and itty-bitty pieces of clothing.

The whole office showed up. That being Ed of course, himself, Havoc, Breda, Falman, Fuery, Hawkeye and Alphonse. Roy tried to get a hold of Winry and Ms. Rockbell but they weren't able to make it. Too bad, they were missing quite the bash. But, then again maybe they were better off not seeing their little blonde hero in a VERY drunken stupor.

Ed howled along with the rest of them as the hired strippers danced ontop of their table, a good-sized tumbler nearly empty in his hand, his face a brillant blush. Roy smiled and looked over at were the 1st Lutenient and Al were seated. They were playing a depressing game of cards, trying desperatly to block out the giggles and club music that pounded the air. Roy's eyes wandered back to the birthday boy, grinning at the sight in spite of himself.

Breda had had a point when he speculated that Fullmetal had never touched alcohol in his life. The kid, sorry, man, could not carry his liquor very well. But the Colonel had to hand it to him though, he did not slurr a single word.

" I need another drink!!" he squealed.

Ed got up, pushing the very red Fuery out of his way and stumbled his way to the bar. Roy followed after him, wishing to refill his own drink, and maybe have the birthday boy all to himself for a moment.

Roy came up behind him, resting his hand at the square of Ed's back, keeping him steady. Ed jumped at the contact, but relized it was just the bastard and ordered his drink. This is different, Roy thought, usually Ed would shy away from any human contact whatsoever. To have his touch so openly accepted, really made him feel different. A little turned on, Roy guessed.

Where Roy's hand rested, he could feel Ed's strands of hair teasing his fingertips. His hair had gotten very long over the years. Roy was still trying to decide if Ed liked his hair this length or if he was too lazy to go and get it cut. Coal coloured eyes followed that graceful blonde ponytail to were it was tied and then followed a path to a smooth cheek. The apple of it was soaked in very drunken pink, the mouth belonging to that face, open slightly and wet with whiskey. Those same eyes travelled up the regal line of Ed's upturned nose, and finally met with golden eyes.

Ed's liquid amber eyes studied Roy just as eagerly as Roy had he, his pink tongue running across his lips in nervousness. Roy jerked at that little invitation but he knew better than to act on it. Well, he knew he knew better than to act on it, but his scotchlogged brain just couldn't remember why it was a bad idea to lean down and capture Ed's lips.

But Ed had other things going on in his mind, Roy supposed as the boy leaned up and took control of the situation himself. Ed's wet lips smashed into Roy's, and Roy recalled something said from earlier this week."The brat's sweet 18 and never been kissed" Havoc's voice floated through his mind. THAT was certainly evidant as Ed clumsily tried to kiss him into submission. Roy smiled and let him have his way for the moment, it was his birthday after all.

Ed's hands groped at Roy's chest, making their asent to his broad shoulder trying to bring him to his height. Roy couldn't stand it any longer and took his role as the seme in their kiss. Ed played along willingly, resisting very little as he moaned against Roy's mouth. This allowed Roy a little tongue action, taking the kiss a degree deeper. The boy in his arms, gasping and writhed against him. This was too good.

Roy broke the kiss and pushed Ed's messy bangs out of his face lovingly. Ed was slow to react and finally opened his eyes. They were the colour of aged whiskey, hot and heavy and if that didn't make Roy want to ravage him on the dirty bar floor, he didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

" Why'd you stop you bastard?" Ed asked, his voice husky and smelling of ten kinds of liquor.

Roy laughed, easing the tension between them instantly. He slapped a hand on Ed's shoulder and handed him his drink.

"I stopped because it would be very selfish of me to hog you all to myself on your birthday, especially when your brother," Roy pointed over to Alphonse and Hawkeye sitting over in the corner, looking at the idiot's they all called friends making asses of themselves with a bunch of strippers, with embarassment." Looks like the saddest tin can I ever saw."

Ed laughed and smacked him in the side. " You'll pay for that comment bastard."

" Just go and enjoy your party," Roy smiled softly. He lowered his voice to a sexy murmur and leaned down to Ed, his mouth brushing against the blonde's ear." Maybe we can enjoy each other's company later."

Ed shivered in sexual anticipation. Then Roy added, " And maybe when you don't smell like an open bar."

" SHUDDAP!!! YOU'RE A BASTARD!" Ed screeched in drunken embarrassment.

" Happy Birthday Ed...."

Ed stalked away, a playful but knowing smile on his face. " Yeah yeah."


....FIN