Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Everything to Lose ❯ Chapter 1
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: trowacko 
Stay or go, becomes something more. Affection and desire can be dangerous weapons as well as something to covet.
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 07.10.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.9K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Completed
Stay or go, becomes something more. Affection and desire can be dangerous weapons as well as something to covet.
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Hentai | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 07.10.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.9K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Completed
Title - Everything to Lose
Authors - trowacko and lilboof
Rating - NC17
Warnings - Hughes/Roy
Disclaimer - we do not own Full Metal Alchemist in any way, shape, or form. Neither do we make a claim to. No profit, no harm done.
AN - collaboration. your players were Hughes, as handled by the lovely boof, and Roy, as handled by the lovely tro. enjoy.
Roy stood outside the door to Hughes' office, wanting to knock yet the desire to walk away was equally strong. He'd promised not to come here when it wasn't work related, and it was an arrangement that had worked out well for them both of not complicating things. Fuck. When had he ever taken the easy route? Hand curled into a fist before him, he brought it toward the door, stopping the second before it made contact. Shit. Just hit the door or walk away, he cursed himself, closing his eyes to gather his thoughts. No one was close by, and he could have made an easy escape. Or just knocked on the damn door.
It wasn't hard for him to notice the shadow under the door and after two minutes of watching it shift back and forth he'd finally lost his patience. Hughes opened the door, not at all surprised to see the frozen look on Roy's face.
"Are you going to just stand out there?"
His hand still stuck in the air, Roy almost knocked on Hughes' face.
"No," he stuttered, dropping his arm. He didn't immediately enter, effectively making himself a liar when he didn't simply leave either. Shifting uncomfortably, he glanced up and down the empty hall. "I thought you'd be working late. I was going to bring dinner--"
"You shouldn't be here."
He cut Roy off sharply and a little colder then usual, partly because he needed to convince himself. The truth was he missed these late night visits - oh, how he'd missed them. Roy could not just walk in when he felt like it and rip open those wounds. He wouldn't allow it. Hughes loved another and that alone was enough to make someone like him set aside his needs, regardless of how deep they ran.
Roy ran a hand through his hair nervously, looking at the man's uniform rather than the stern expression he knew to be there. "Yeah, I know." Of course he knew, but he didn't want to care. "I know." Stealing a glance down the hall again, he stepped closer, forsaking intelligence for simple need. "You should send me away." One more step and he was almost pressed up against Hughes.
"You're so lost aren't you?" He cupped Roy's face in his large hands. He wanted to help him. He wanted to fold him in his arms and bring him back...home. But that would mean going with him and Hughes knew he could not go back to that place.
'He smells the same.'
"God, Roy, why do this to yourself?"
"I don't know."
Maybe he did, and maybe he didn't; even that he didn't want to care about. He might regret coming here in the morning, but that might as well be another lifetime away. Hughes was the only person he could come undone in front of and not fear repercussions. Just such a small touch made him want to touch back, but it wasn't an invitation, and Roy knew it. Slipping his hands around Hughes' waist, he rested his head against a broad chest, warm and firm against him. His foundation.
"Don't send me away."
The tight pain spread across his chest, and he clutched at it. Roy's head just happened to be there and that could not be helped. Hughes could never send him away.
Not him.
Never him.
But he couldn't keep him either. "I..." The pain stole his breath. He closed his eyes against it and wished for relief - relief that he knew would only come if he went the way of the pain. "What can I do?"
"Let me in."
The room, his life - hell, even he didn't know. Holding Hughes that much tighter, he nudged gently, working both of them into the room.
"Just for tonight, Hughes."
Yes, as if one night would have been enough. How long Hughes would put up with it was beyond Roy. There was more in their lives than just the two of them, yet there were times that it was all he wanted and needed so badly that he ended up hurting Hughes with situations like this. Soon, he promised himself, he wouldn't need these nights. Just one more.
"Shut the door," Hughes told him as he vied for time. He wanted to be a friend but this friendship could only be trusted so much. It had already betrayed him once, when it turned in to love.
"Shut the blinds." He ran a hand over his rough chin. What the hell was he doing looking at Roy again this way. But this was more then physical. So much more.
"Roy?"
He should have sent Roy away, but he didn't. Standing in shock for a moment until he heard his name, he obeyed silently, turning to shut the door and walking to the windows to shut out the outside world. He stood still for a moment and turned around slowly. Now he wanted to leave, and it was too late. Actions had been set in motion, and it was too late for intelligence to make a bid for attention. Resolved that he needed this more than anything, he walked back to Hughes, tiptoeing to brush a kiss against unyielding lips.
"Hughes."
He worked on Hughes' uniform, worrying the top button free without hindrance. One down, thirteen more to go.
"Just don't say anything ok?" He knotted his eyebrows as the lips he dreamt about touched his. And when those eyes that used to burn him up at night look at him now, he could only stare back, as helpless as he had been then.
"This is a memory."
He let his hands fall on Roy's belt and with two quick yanks he opened the Pandora's Box that had been shut the day he said his vows.
"I remember loving you."
Just like that, it was far and away, even for him. Hughes' uniform shirt was tossed aside, leaving behind a clean white tee without a hint of wrinkles. Sliding his fingers up the man' sides, he paused when Hughes had to raise his arms before that could join the jacket. He felt his pants drop to his ankles and balanced himself by holding Hughes' belt, undoing it at the same time.
'Love me, Hughes, like you used to. Let me say it, just one more time.'
True to Hughes' request, he didn't speak, even after the two stood naked in Hughes' office, shrouded away from reality, or perhaps only wrapped up in the same delusion.
Hughes' breath hitched in his throat while his hands roamed the planes and angles of Roy's body. His hand anticipated each turn, like a road he'd driven a thousand times before. This body used to be as much his as it was the man who lived in it. He held a firm hand on each side of Roy's hips and lifted straight up. Roy fit his body like a glove, molding his legs around his back and wrapping his arms around his neck.
His nakedness was merely another fact logged away, the man's hands on him the marker for the memory when it all began again. When Roy found himself wrapped around Hughes' body, he shivered lightly, stealing precious seconds to feel how perfectly they just were. That was what he didn't want to let go of, no matter who Hughes saw at the end of the day. This belonged to him and in the selfish recesses of his heart, he would never let it go. Pulling away to regard his lover, he tried for a smile, giving up when it was painfully obvious there was nothing to smile about.
Hughes carried him to the desk and gingerly put him down on its edge. It seemed too open in the big empty room, but at the same time it felt right to have Roy raised up in the center of his world instead of on the floor where he had kicked him years ago. He held the man by the shoulders, just touching and reacquainting himself with the softness of his skin. Giving Roy goose-bumps was one of those things he never got tired of.
'You're the same. So, what happened to me?'
His reclaimed the mouth with force. Because Hughes, one way or the other, was a man of commitment.
'You wanted me. Then you get it....all'
The kiss marked the point of no return, heavy and alive with the way their mouths meshed together and apart. A taste of the past, a moment where love and sin meant nothing. His ass met cool wood, but he didn't release his legs from Hughes' waist. Gliding his hands down strong shoulders, he reversed the path to cup Hughes' the same way he'd held Roy at the door. Voice forbidden, he could only implore with his eyes alone. Nothing else mattered except being this way for this time. However many times he'd fallen, Hughes had been there to pick him up -- or kick him in the right direction. When things changed, he'd ignored them as much as possible, but it didn't make the loss any easier to bear. He'd asked for one night; it might as well have been forever. Hughes had never agreed, however. Even in his state of need, he wasn't blind to that.
Leaning back a bit, he slid down just enough for their cocks to touch. Closing his eyes, he laid himself out for Hughes, offering himself up for anything or nothing at all.
The shock bowed Hughes' spine as hot flesh brushed each other. HIs hands flowed down the body to rest on Roy's thighs. Hughes looked down at Roy splayed out on the desk. He might as well have crucified himself, such was the symbolic gesture. What did it mean to him that he was willing to lay every on the line for this one moment of weakness?
Almost everything.
He rubbed his hands in between Roy's thighs and pushed his legs apart. He hadn't realized how badly he ached for Roy until he was moments away from having him.
Roy fought for purchase on the smooth surface, giving up after a few attempts to hold onto the edge alone. He watched as his body was manipulated, and he opened himself willingly to whatever Hughes wanted. It was never going to be enough, but he would take all he could while he could.
'Hughes. Why should there be silence between us now?'
Letting a small whimper escape him, he felt his hips rise slightly in accommodation. A touch was heat, its prolonged press against him, torturous delight.
Hughes wanted to touch but somehow could not raise his hand to give Roy the pleasure he desired. There was nothing Roy could have done better or more, he would always be prefect. And maybe it was those idealized memories that he didn't want to disturb when he licked his fingers and gently slipped them inside Roy's body.
He was warm, and tight. The effect that thought had on his own arousal did not go to waste. Hughes rolled the tip of his wet cock against Roy, slicking him enough to make it bearable. He pushed and pushed, knowing that his hesitation was only going to cause them both more pain.
'Whatever you do don't hurt him.'
He passed the barrier of resistance in one strong, thrust.
"I'm so sorry."
He let his weight settle on the smaller man and rained kisses down his neck.
"I'm not your lover, Roy."
Even as the words fell from his mouth on to Roy's skin, he contradicted himself- moving his hips in slow, short pulses. He rubbed his cock deep inside Roy's body, never really pulling out but still creating wave after wave of friction.
"But I love you."
He curled his arms under Roy's shoulder and held him close, face to face.
"I would do anything for you."
He thrust harder and faster
"But not this. Don't make me do this." His voice a pleading, meaningless, whisper.
He craned his neck back, exposing his throat to Roy's lips.
"God help me, I love you."
Having Hughes inside him was more than a memory, it was real. Words seemed to coat him, each thrust another reminder that he touched what he could never have. He didn't hold the man, he held his own greed, masking it with his need. His body reveled in being pummeled against the desk, impaled with tenderness that sent shocks of pleasure over his body. Once Hughes was close enough, he opened his mouth to speak, but it was too late for apologies now.
Kissing flesh was tasting something forbidden and that alone made it sweetly dark. His hands roamed over the planes of heated skin, feeling the ripples that warned him of the next plunge. Moaning quietly against Hughes' neck, he brought his legs higher, needing to be penetrated deeper, wanting his core shattered when he came.
'I love you too. Too late and too little.'
He bit his bottom lip harshly to keep from talking, grunting against it as his cock thumped against a solid stomach. As much as he was a selfish prick, he was glad Hughes hadn't sent him away, even if it meant they wouldn't talk for days to come. Snaking a hand between them, he gripped his cock, pumping it savagely to remind him that the pleasure had a cost too. Body coiled tightly, he could feel the tremble start in the pit of his belly and work outward in warm pulses. It didn't take long before his seed spurted over his fingers, and he tightened the grip of the cock thrusting into him. His free hand clung to Hughes' neck, head against the crook of one shoulder, wanting to kiss, to leave a mark of reminder that he could see the next day, but the betrayal of doing so was too high a cost, even for him. He felt Hughes fill him, back arching at the height of his orgasm, only to thump his head painfully against the desk. Collapsing, he didn't dare speak when Hughes didn't move right away.
Hughes laid his head against skin that didn't belong to him, not anymore and never again. He remained inside Roy, wondering why he couldn't move. He left the only evidence of his disloyalty deep inside the man that wrought it.
How could it be over already? Wasn't something this costly supposed to go on forever?
Legs around the man's waist, one hand still clinging around the other's neck, Roy did nothing else except stare at the ceiling, knowing that the moment either moved it would end. He would leave and go home alone, leaving behind a burden on Hughes he couldn't take back. Love mattered to him a lot, especially hearing it from Hughes himself. Nevertheless, he cursed it for showing him what paradise could be only to expel him from it with the promise of sins that could never be atoned for.
Hughes shut his eyes to the reality of what he'd done and reached a hand to grip the edge of the desk so tight it cracked. His whole body shuddered with the deep breath he used to distract the burning in his eyes.
'I didn't want this memory'
Roy could never be his secret desire again.
He could only be his lie.
*trauma courtesy of the tro and boof show. please tip your waiters.*
Authors - trowacko and lilboof
Rating - NC17
Warnings - Hughes/Roy
Disclaimer - we do not own Full Metal Alchemist in any way, shape, or form. Neither do we make a claim to. No profit, no harm done.
AN - collaboration. your players were Hughes, as handled by the lovely boof, and Roy, as handled by the lovely tro. enjoy.
Roy stood outside the door to Hughes' office, wanting to knock yet the desire to walk away was equally strong. He'd promised not to come here when it wasn't work related, and it was an arrangement that had worked out well for them both of not complicating things. Fuck. When had he ever taken the easy route? Hand curled into a fist before him, he brought it toward the door, stopping the second before it made contact. Shit. Just hit the door or walk away, he cursed himself, closing his eyes to gather his thoughts. No one was close by, and he could have made an easy escape. Or just knocked on the damn door.
It wasn't hard for him to notice the shadow under the door and after two minutes of watching it shift back and forth he'd finally lost his patience. Hughes opened the door, not at all surprised to see the frozen look on Roy's face.
"Are you going to just stand out there?"
His hand still stuck in the air, Roy almost knocked on Hughes' face.
"No," he stuttered, dropping his arm. He didn't immediately enter, effectively making himself a liar when he didn't simply leave either. Shifting uncomfortably, he glanced up and down the empty hall. "I thought you'd be working late. I was going to bring dinner--"
"You shouldn't be here."
He cut Roy off sharply and a little colder then usual, partly because he needed to convince himself. The truth was he missed these late night visits - oh, how he'd missed them. Roy could not just walk in when he felt like it and rip open those wounds. He wouldn't allow it. Hughes loved another and that alone was enough to make someone like him set aside his needs, regardless of how deep they ran.
Roy ran a hand through his hair nervously, looking at the man's uniform rather than the stern expression he knew to be there. "Yeah, I know." Of course he knew, but he didn't want to care. "I know." Stealing a glance down the hall again, he stepped closer, forsaking intelligence for simple need. "You should send me away." One more step and he was almost pressed up against Hughes.
"You're so lost aren't you?" He cupped Roy's face in his large hands. He wanted to help him. He wanted to fold him in his arms and bring him back...home. But that would mean going with him and Hughes knew he could not go back to that place.
'He smells the same.'
"God, Roy, why do this to yourself?"
"I don't know."
Maybe he did, and maybe he didn't; even that he didn't want to care about. He might regret coming here in the morning, but that might as well be another lifetime away. Hughes was the only person he could come undone in front of and not fear repercussions. Just such a small touch made him want to touch back, but it wasn't an invitation, and Roy knew it. Slipping his hands around Hughes' waist, he rested his head against a broad chest, warm and firm against him. His foundation.
"Don't send me away."
The tight pain spread across his chest, and he clutched at it. Roy's head just happened to be there and that could not be helped. Hughes could never send him away.
Not him.
Never him.
But he couldn't keep him either. "I..." The pain stole his breath. He closed his eyes against it and wished for relief - relief that he knew would only come if he went the way of the pain. "What can I do?"
"Let me in."
The room, his life - hell, even he didn't know. Holding Hughes that much tighter, he nudged gently, working both of them into the room.
"Just for tonight, Hughes."
Yes, as if one night would have been enough. How long Hughes would put up with it was beyond Roy. There was more in their lives than just the two of them, yet there were times that it was all he wanted and needed so badly that he ended up hurting Hughes with situations like this. Soon, he promised himself, he wouldn't need these nights. Just one more.
"Shut the door," Hughes told him as he vied for time. He wanted to be a friend but this friendship could only be trusted so much. It had already betrayed him once, when it turned in to love.
"Shut the blinds." He ran a hand over his rough chin. What the hell was he doing looking at Roy again this way. But this was more then physical. So much more.
"Roy?"
He should have sent Roy away, but he didn't. Standing in shock for a moment until he heard his name, he obeyed silently, turning to shut the door and walking to the windows to shut out the outside world. He stood still for a moment and turned around slowly. Now he wanted to leave, and it was too late. Actions had been set in motion, and it was too late for intelligence to make a bid for attention. Resolved that he needed this more than anything, he walked back to Hughes, tiptoeing to brush a kiss against unyielding lips.
"Hughes."
He worked on Hughes' uniform, worrying the top button free without hindrance. One down, thirteen more to go.
"Just don't say anything ok?" He knotted his eyebrows as the lips he dreamt about touched his. And when those eyes that used to burn him up at night look at him now, he could only stare back, as helpless as he had been then.
"This is a memory."
He let his hands fall on Roy's belt and with two quick yanks he opened the Pandora's Box that had been shut the day he said his vows.
"I remember loving you."
Just like that, it was far and away, even for him. Hughes' uniform shirt was tossed aside, leaving behind a clean white tee without a hint of wrinkles. Sliding his fingers up the man' sides, he paused when Hughes had to raise his arms before that could join the jacket. He felt his pants drop to his ankles and balanced himself by holding Hughes' belt, undoing it at the same time.
'Love me, Hughes, like you used to. Let me say it, just one more time.'
True to Hughes' request, he didn't speak, even after the two stood naked in Hughes' office, shrouded away from reality, or perhaps only wrapped up in the same delusion.
Hughes' breath hitched in his throat while his hands roamed the planes and angles of Roy's body. His hand anticipated each turn, like a road he'd driven a thousand times before. This body used to be as much his as it was the man who lived in it. He held a firm hand on each side of Roy's hips and lifted straight up. Roy fit his body like a glove, molding his legs around his back and wrapping his arms around his neck.
His nakedness was merely another fact logged away, the man's hands on him the marker for the memory when it all began again. When Roy found himself wrapped around Hughes' body, he shivered lightly, stealing precious seconds to feel how perfectly they just were. That was what he didn't want to let go of, no matter who Hughes saw at the end of the day. This belonged to him and in the selfish recesses of his heart, he would never let it go. Pulling away to regard his lover, he tried for a smile, giving up when it was painfully obvious there was nothing to smile about.
Hughes carried him to the desk and gingerly put him down on its edge. It seemed too open in the big empty room, but at the same time it felt right to have Roy raised up in the center of his world instead of on the floor where he had kicked him years ago. He held the man by the shoulders, just touching and reacquainting himself with the softness of his skin. Giving Roy goose-bumps was one of those things he never got tired of.
'You're the same. So, what happened to me?'
His reclaimed the mouth with force. Because Hughes, one way or the other, was a man of commitment.
'You wanted me. Then you get it....all'
The kiss marked the point of no return, heavy and alive with the way their mouths meshed together and apart. A taste of the past, a moment where love and sin meant nothing. His ass met cool wood, but he didn't release his legs from Hughes' waist. Gliding his hands down strong shoulders, he reversed the path to cup Hughes' the same way he'd held Roy at the door. Voice forbidden, he could only implore with his eyes alone. Nothing else mattered except being this way for this time. However many times he'd fallen, Hughes had been there to pick him up -- or kick him in the right direction. When things changed, he'd ignored them as much as possible, but it didn't make the loss any easier to bear. He'd asked for one night; it might as well have been forever. Hughes had never agreed, however. Even in his state of need, he wasn't blind to that.
Leaning back a bit, he slid down just enough for their cocks to touch. Closing his eyes, he laid himself out for Hughes, offering himself up for anything or nothing at all.
The shock bowed Hughes' spine as hot flesh brushed each other. HIs hands flowed down the body to rest on Roy's thighs. Hughes looked down at Roy splayed out on the desk. He might as well have crucified himself, such was the symbolic gesture. What did it mean to him that he was willing to lay every on the line for this one moment of weakness?
Almost everything.
He rubbed his hands in between Roy's thighs and pushed his legs apart. He hadn't realized how badly he ached for Roy until he was moments away from having him.
Roy fought for purchase on the smooth surface, giving up after a few attempts to hold onto the edge alone. He watched as his body was manipulated, and he opened himself willingly to whatever Hughes wanted. It was never going to be enough, but he would take all he could while he could.
'Hughes. Why should there be silence between us now?'
Letting a small whimper escape him, he felt his hips rise slightly in accommodation. A touch was heat, its prolonged press against him, torturous delight.
Hughes wanted to touch but somehow could not raise his hand to give Roy the pleasure he desired. There was nothing Roy could have done better or more, he would always be prefect. And maybe it was those idealized memories that he didn't want to disturb when he licked his fingers and gently slipped them inside Roy's body.
He was warm, and tight. The effect that thought had on his own arousal did not go to waste. Hughes rolled the tip of his wet cock against Roy, slicking him enough to make it bearable. He pushed and pushed, knowing that his hesitation was only going to cause them both more pain.
'Whatever you do don't hurt him.'
He passed the barrier of resistance in one strong, thrust.
"I'm so sorry."
He let his weight settle on the smaller man and rained kisses down his neck.
"I'm not your lover, Roy."
Even as the words fell from his mouth on to Roy's skin, he contradicted himself- moving his hips in slow, short pulses. He rubbed his cock deep inside Roy's body, never really pulling out but still creating wave after wave of friction.
"But I love you."
He curled his arms under Roy's shoulder and held him close, face to face.
"I would do anything for you."
He thrust harder and faster
"But not this. Don't make me do this." His voice a pleading, meaningless, whisper.
He craned his neck back, exposing his throat to Roy's lips.
"God help me, I love you."
Having Hughes inside him was more than a memory, it was real. Words seemed to coat him, each thrust another reminder that he touched what he could never have. He didn't hold the man, he held his own greed, masking it with his need. His body reveled in being pummeled against the desk, impaled with tenderness that sent shocks of pleasure over his body. Once Hughes was close enough, he opened his mouth to speak, but it was too late for apologies now.
Kissing flesh was tasting something forbidden and that alone made it sweetly dark. His hands roamed over the planes of heated skin, feeling the ripples that warned him of the next plunge. Moaning quietly against Hughes' neck, he brought his legs higher, needing to be penetrated deeper, wanting his core shattered when he came.
'I love you too. Too late and too little.'
He bit his bottom lip harshly to keep from talking, grunting against it as his cock thumped against a solid stomach. As much as he was a selfish prick, he was glad Hughes hadn't sent him away, even if it meant they wouldn't talk for days to come. Snaking a hand between them, he gripped his cock, pumping it savagely to remind him that the pleasure had a cost too. Body coiled tightly, he could feel the tremble start in the pit of his belly and work outward in warm pulses. It didn't take long before his seed spurted over his fingers, and he tightened the grip of the cock thrusting into him. His free hand clung to Hughes' neck, head against the crook of one shoulder, wanting to kiss, to leave a mark of reminder that he could see the next day, but the betrayal of doing so was too high a cost, even for him. He felt Hughes fill him, back arching at the height of his orgasm, only to thump his head painfully against the desk. Collapsing, he didn't dare speak when Hughes didn't move right away.
Hughes laid his head against skin that didn't belong to him, not anymore and never again. He remained inside Roy, wondering why he couldn't move. He left the only evidence of his disloyalty deep inside the man that wrought it.
How could it be over already? Wasn't something this costly supposed to go on forever?
Legs around the man's waist, one hand still clinging around the other's neck, Roy did nothing else except stare at the ceiling, knowing that the moment either moved it would end. He would leave and go home alone, leaving behind a burden on Hughes he couldn't take back. Love mattered to him a lot, especially hearing it from Hughes himself. Nevertheless, he cursed it for showing him what paradise could be only to expel him from it with the promise of sins that could never be atoned for.
Hughes shut his eyes to the reality of what he'd done and reached a hand to grip the edge of the desk so tight it cracked. His whole body shuddered with the deep breath he used to distract the burning in his eyes.
'I didn't want this memory'
Roy could never be his secret desire again.
He could only be his lie.
*trauma courtesy of the tro and boof show. please tip your waiters.*