Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ First Life. Then Death. ❯ The End (Or Rather, The Lack There Of) ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I disclaim for the second time on this story. Right now.

 

A/N: Whoa, super way soon! So soon no one has even read the first chapter yet. Good job Maya. Okay, go.

 

First Life. Then Death.

 

The End (Or Rather, The Lack There Of)

 

Alphonse.

Any my eyes shoot open wide and I look at everything around me and see nothing. Two golden orbs darting in every direction and never finding anything to focus on. My brain is propelling itself into some sort of overdrive and I feel like I haven't been thinking for days. I'm analyzing and interpreting and translating and there is nothing even there. First you're alive and then you're dead. I gasp a deep breath into lungs that I find are already full, and I exhale an empty breath that feels strangely like a metaphor. Or a simile. I died, I fell, and suddenly I realize that I feel no pain. Only sensation. My mouth presses into a thin line and then my lips purse in curiosity. Where exactly am I? I feel like my nerves are on fire. There's nothing to feel and yet I'm feeling so much I'm afraid I'll bruise. Sensation. This was that. That which I was feeling. No pain. I feel like I'm compensating, making up for feeling I've lost and suddenly regained. Somehow in the midst of all these overwhelming emotions and sensations pouring through me I realize that one of these things I'm feeling is here. Is real. It takes a moment to remember which is which. Taste, hearing, smell, sight, touch... Touch. Touch, and I'm feeling. First you're alive, then you're dead, and then you're feeling blades of grass caressing you're skin.

I realize I closed my eyes at some point and open them again in confusion. Because there was nothing here and suddenly there's something and it's grass and I'm dead. And this all seems very improbable to me. I'm lying down, I think, but I can't be sure. Just because the sky is above me doesn't mean that way is up after all, I'm not sure what's up and what's down at this point, after all, nothing seems to make much sense here. First there was nothing and now there is something. I feel like I've forgotten something important and the sky is such a beautiful cerulean blue. Yes, surely I've forgotten something. Now all I can think of is I was falling and then I woke up here. I think something else happened too. Maybe a lot of something else-s. But it's gone now and it's not coming back. The more I chase it the further away it slips. I'm dead right? Am I dead?

I sit up and gaze observantly around me. It's a beautiful field in the countryside, grass rippling and blowing the with the gentle breeze that now touches my cheeks with caressing hands. I stand up slowly on two real, human legs; flesh and bone.

I'm not sure why I thought that, really, but it seemed important for a moment. That sounds positively ridiculous now though. Surely that's the least important thing about right here, right now, at least while the sky is so blue.

First you're in a field you don't remember, and then you're walking like you know where you're going. What was I thinking about again? Oh well. My feet are bare and the grass feels nice on my toes. There's an end to the tall grass ahead and my feet touch onto freshly mowed grass and I stare at the structures around me. They're stone and dark and morbid, and they have writing on them. Headstones, I think, to make where the dead are buried. I feel myself smile, excited with how easily that piece of knowledge came to me, and stepped forward with renewed vigor. I read the inscriptions on the tombs until I came upon one that was strikingly familiar. Where have I seen that name before? I feel the answer right on the tip of my tongue but I can't say it, and I can't think it. My tongue and my brain are, in fact, located in very different parts of my head after all. But this hurt my head. I was thinking so hard because it was right there. There was a puzzle that needed solving and I couldn't seem to come up with the last piece. I still couldn't quit, however. I am determined. I am strong. I am devoted. I am Edward Elric.

Wait a second. I'm Edward Elric. That's my name on the grave. That's me.

Dead?

Am I dead?

How could I be dead I'm right here.

An old bedtime story about ghosts creeps into my head and I slap at the headstone suddenly and without warning. My hand hits hard against the stone and I recoil quickly wit pain. I was shocked. I half expected my arm to phase straight through the stone. I was shocked. Am I dead? I must be dead. Even though my previous theory clearly disproved that, I couldn't help but think that it was a fact. I'm dead. It just seemed right. That was weird, but it did. If that makes any sense. That's my name after all and this is a graveyard and I don't remember a thing before this. It's so strange, because everything's feeling new and unique but I'm aware that it's not. Take a moment to observe your surroundings and you almost always find something worth knowing.

Edward Elric. Alphonse Elric. Trisha Elric.

That's what the order is. The order of the headstones; that's what they say. I remember now that I feel like I've been missing something this entire time and I realize now what that has been. Alphonse. And I realize that Al is dead too. Was that my fault? I can't remember. But I have to find him. I have to see him. Because I don't remember much of anything at all but I do remember that he's my brother and it feels like someones taken all my limbs and my heart away, because he's not here. His absence is so tangible and thick and I miss him so much it hurts all of the sudden. He was my entire life. I remember that; I know that, I know it. Now they've taken our lives away but they can't take us away from each other too, can they? First life, then death, and then I'm dreadfully confused.

At least I'm sure I'm dead now though.

All this time I took thinking and I didn't even notice that I'm not in the graveyard anymore. Everything's white now, but it's not like a nothing kind of white, it's more like a something kind of white. I look down at my hand and it's smaller than before and it's got this soft sort of glow that even the white around me seems to be giving off. I stare off into the soft glowing world around me and I don't remember where I was before this anymore. Was I somewhere else? Maybe I wasn't. There's something in the back of my mind that's saying, yes, I was, but it just seems silly to think that I was ever anywhere but here. I don't know why I'm here but this is where I'm supposed to be. Here. First you're here, and then you're here, and that's how it goes, that's how it is. Here. This is where I am. I know this. I know this place. This white is comfort and love and it's warm and gracious. But there's still something that's missing.

In front of me the white darkens a little and I panic but then there's some sort of a shape to the dark, a form, a figure. It's an off-white silhouette and I'm not scared because this is what's been missing. Isn't it? Why am I here again? Is this why?

Hey, and I hear the word all around me in the white something and all around inside of me too. I don't know how to do that, so I try to make a word to give in return but no sounds come out. I'm disappointed but I start to forget about that too. The form has a shape I sort of recognize, it's vaguely familiar, and then suddenly it's more familiar, and more, and it hands out a piece of itself in my direction. Before I know it I'm moving forward and my own body, form, silhouette, has that same shape to it and five little pieces of me are wrapping tightly around the silhouette's matching parts.

I suddenly ask, Al? I'm shocked to hear this voice around and inside of me. And I'm wondering if I'm even hearing, or if I'm thinking, or if I'm knowing. What did I say? What was that? How did I do it?

It, no, Al squeezes me where we touch and it's comforting and I feel happy. It doesn't feel like something is missing anymore and it's perfect.

Come one brother, I hear, think, know, you took forever to get here.