Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Fullmetal Alchemist: The Abridged Series ❯ To Molest the Sun ( Chapter 1 )

Fullmetal Alchemist Abridged Series:

 

Ed: I is the uber ownage Alchemist

 

Al: No u is not

 

Ed: Yes I is bitch, and we are gonna do some highly advanced and illegal Alchemy clearly behind our abilities which obviously has deathly consequences. Now are you in or out?

 

Al: Sound good to me

 

(Insert violent screaming)

 

Ed: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY!!!!!!!! Why would something that's a taboo have such horrible consequences??? NOO!!!

 

(Collapses in bloody mess after painting on a suit of armor)

 

(Insert a giant mutated pair of enormous testicles with tentacles waving around)

 

*cut scene to random city in desert where Ed is drinking at a bar he's too young to be in

 

Ed: Hahahahhaha u is da idiot. Ur god is fake.

 

Al: Is it a good idea to insult their religious beliefs in a clearly religious town where they have extremely religious people with uber religious broadcasts on the radio and sum crazed religious prophets with delusions on grandeur?

 

Ed: I don't see anything wrong with it

 

(Al gets up and knocks radio over)

 

Bar dude: NOOOO!! You clumsy bitch you broke my radio just when Prophet Cornello was talking about how he had sex with God last night!! YOU BASTARD!! Now I'll never find out how big God's dick is!!

 

Ed: Chill man

 

Al: (Takes chalk out from loin clothe and draws circle uber fast) Super special sexy awesome flashy transmutation!

 

Shopkeeper: Whoa…u is da sexy bitch

 

Rose: Hello I am an excessively horny girl with large breasts and strange pink hair and I've been fantasizing about my boyfriend who has been dead for many years all last night, while violently fingering myself in the name of Leto. Now do any of you want to convert?

 

Ed. Fuck off bitch

 

Rose: Ok (leaves)

 

Shopkeeper: Rose is so horny, I hear she'll give u a free blowjob if you covert to Letoisim.

 

Ed: Really!!! WAIT BITCH!!!!!

 

(cut scene)

 

Cornello: Oh Rose, you are my most devout follower, I appreciate the head you gave me…in the name of Leto of course.

 

Rose: Of course father, now have you revived the corpse of my long dead boyfriend so I can have sex with him? I don't want to be a necro….

Cornello: Err….yes about the corpse…err..you see there was a certain incident last night and….errr… while I was laying atop your boyfriends well muscled and decaying body….

 

Rose: Never mind (leaves)

 

Sex Slave: Father Cornello there's sum sexy young boy who want's to see you.

 

Cornello: Oh really….well said him in…RAR!!

 

Sex Slave: He's says he's the Fullmetal Alchemist….

 

Cornllo: Oh….I heard that his dick was bitten off when he was urinating into the mouth of a goat for sexual pleasure as a child and then he got his penis replaced with automail. Scary I dun wanna see him.

 

Sex Slave: As you wish master

 

(cut scene to church)

 

Rose: Oh baby….have you come here to convert despite being a violent atheist whose insulted my religion many times?

 

Ed: Fuck off bitch. I'm hear to further insult your faith your very own church, and absolutely shatter everything you believe in.

(Reads ingredients for how to make homemade lubricant)

 

Rose: Oh baby…will you use that on me?

 

Ed: Fuck off bitch. Now get inside Al.

 

Rose: Oh baby….

 

(cut scene)

 

Cornello: I is da prophet!!! (waves giant dildo around)

 

Ed: Oh baby….

 

Cornello: Now let me reveal every single aspect of my plan to you even though your'e a state Alchemist and probably could pwn my arse if you wanted to.

 

Ed. Yes bitch…yes…your arse… ohh

 

Cornello: NOOOOO!!! HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN AGAINST GOD!!! YOU SHALL NOW BE SODOMIZED BY MY CHIMERAS!!!!1

 

Ed: (Rapes chimeras with metal arm and leg, Al stands around uselessly)

 

Cornello: Oh baby…metal appendages….now I see why they call u the Fullmetal Alchemist!! RAR!!!!