Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Hagane no Renkinjutsushi - Summarized ❯ Episode 14 - Hakai no Migite ( Chapter 14 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Kinslayer 
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.27.2005 | Updated On: 04.20.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.9K | Visits: 860 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.27.2005 | Updated On: 04.20.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.9K | Visits: 860 | Status: Completed
Random Guy: Welcome back to scenic Lior! Don't trip over the dead and dying.
Military Snipers: PEACEKEEPERS! We're not snipers, we're peacekeepers! Nothing is more peaceful than a corpse, after all.
Rose: They hauled me out of the closet for one lousy line? No way, you had better give me more later in the episode!
Lust: Envy, we're back from Xenotime!
Envy!Cornello: And didn't even bring me a T-shirt.
Lust: *looking out the window* They don't know how to learn, no matter how many times they repeat the same mistakes ... STOP FIRING when everybody is dead! You're just wasting ammunition!
Envy!Cornello: Nobody is immune to cabbage-lines.
Lust: Oh, just put your own skin back on already.
Clay: What's going on here!? Where's the High Priest?
Gluttony: Can I eat him?
Clay: As a true follower of Cornello, I will do exactly as he did when confronted by Gluttony, and just stand here stupidly and await my doom.
*Opening credits*
*Title card : the Right Hand of Destruction*
Edward: Check it out, we've got a new opening sequence and a new song! Hey, my voice sounds funny ... oh, nevermind, that's an Envy voiceover.
Voiceover!Envy: Damned right, stay on your own side of the anime! Uppity little alchemists, think they're important just because the show is named after 'em ...
Lust: Let's start talking about Scar. He's going to become an important character in a couple of minutes, and the sooner the audience is up to speed, the sooner we can get to that.
*in the bar*
Mustang: I am NOT mentally linked with Envy.
Hughes: Yeah, yeah. Let's just finish catching the audience up. Nine State Alchemists have died to Scar so far. If we include the victims around them ...
Mustang: Let's not, nobody cares if the victim isn't an alchemist.
Hughes: Good point. Have some gruesome crime scene shots and exposition.
Mustang: Thousands of bunnies died to ensure that my eyeliner is perfect, so get a good shot of it.
Waitress: Phone call for you!
Hughes: Although I said earlier that my daughter just turned three, which matched Ed's age and the fact that they share a birthday, now I will say that she's about to turn three. Bad translation or bad writing, you decide.
Waitress: My vote is on bad translation. Now take your damned call so I can return to the closet in peace.
Hughes: They found a corpse at the train station. Looks like our killer isn't the mental midget we were hoping.
*in the countryside*
Random Guy: We have to use half our day to see a doctor in East City. Why this is supposed to be surprising is unclear, it always takes half a day to see a doctor, even if you live next door.
Random Old Woman: My mouth isn't moving.
Random Guy: In fact, we saved a lot of money by just not animating this sequence at all.
Edward: Look, we're being followed. Let's continue to look for Dr. Marcoh, though. There's no possible way they could be using us to find him, or anything like that.
Alphonse: It's a good thing that haystacks are hollow in this part of the country.
Armstrong: This is the Searching For Chibi Alchemists technique passed down through my family for generations!
*at Marcoh's place*
*shots are fired*
Edward: I guess banging on a deserter's door and yelling, "Open up, State Alchemist!" was a bad idea. Good thing I can still dodge bullets.
Marcoh: I'm not nervous, I just suffer from Parkinson's.
Edward: Obviously the thing to do with a guy who has just tried to kill me is get offended that he mistook Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist.
*commercial break*
Marcoh: Lemme recap how I ended up here. The military might still be after the data I stole.
Edward: Ya think?
Marcoh: My angst over Ishbal is still fresh. Therefore I cannot give you, who had zipola to do with Ishbal, any assistance. Punishing you for my angst is the only reasonable thing to do.
Rose: This isn't a blatant parallel or anything, cutting to me while Marcoh talks about Ishbal. It's really very subtle! Really!
Edward: I'm a State Alchemist! I have the right to see your research!
Marcoh: ... dude, I'm a deserter. What makes you think I still respect State Alchemist protocols? Let me take a poke at your height, nobody has done that yet this episode. At least not in your hearing.
Alphonse: And I'll bring up that girl in Xenotime. Maybe the sheer randomness of this will make Marcoh give away where he hid his Stone!
Marcoh: You did that without an array! My amazement over this will fade quickly, and I will never ask how you managed it.
Edward: Good, because I can't tell anybody how I do it until Episode 29, and if everybody kept asking me and being curious, that would be an issue.
Alphonse: Nii-san, it's rude to break into other people's caches of secret stuff! What if Dr. Marcoh broke into your cache of secret stuff, how would you like that?
Edward: I wouldn't mind, it's just a bunch of condoms and a copy of The Joy of Sex. This guy looks like he could use a good time.
Gran: Hi everybody! This is my last opportunity to be a bastard, so I'm going to make the most of it. Oh, and have some information about the Philosopher's Stone, and why it can be a magic liquid instead of a magic rock.
Marcoh: I'll draw attention to myself for no reason.
Gran: Hand over the Philosopher's Stone.
Marcoh: ... you're already holding it.
Edward: You mean I had the magic rock in my hand and I didn't know it? Dammit!
Gran: It's not really a magic rock, just a fake magic rock. I am in an exposition-y mood, though, so I'll tell you all about it. This is so you can get excited about it, which will allow me to kick the chair out from under you, MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I told you, I need to make you remember what a bastard I was.
Edward: Gran keeps taking shit away from me. That bastard! Although you might expect me to slide down the railing of these steps, I'm going to surprise you and not.
Scar: Thanks for stopping and not running me down.
Driver: No problem! By the way, what becomes of me and my companion in the front seat? Since Marcoh and Gran are the only people seen on the ground after the car is detonated.
Scar: Who cares what happens to you two non-alchemists? I recognize you, Iron Blood Alchemist.
Gran: Hah hah, I have a magic rock!
Scar: I FEAR NO MAGIC ROCKS! *blows up Gran*
Edward: Nooo, don't look at me!
Scar: It's okay if I do, for some reason I don't recognize you. Or maybe I just don't think you're important. This ex-State Alchemist on the ground is much more interesting. Checking him against my Terminator-esque roster, I recognize him as the Crystal Alchemist.
Marcoh: Edward-kun!
Scar: Oh, that's right, you're the Fullmetal Alchemist. I'm supposed to be obsessed with you!
Edward: Bastard! You told him my name, now he recognizes me too! Why couldn't you have called me "chibi-kun" or something?
Alphonse: Nii-san, this way!
Edward: Good thinking, Al. A thin stone wall will keep out a guy who can blow up cars and people's brains.
Scar: Not. However, I know that a rockfall will keep you from going any farther.
Edward: You're right, I'd rather fight you with a knife than reciprocate by dropping the ceiling on you. Even though I could.
Marcoh: Edward-kun! Just leave me here and run. Because obviously it's all about me, and he's not interested in you at all.
Scar: You have nice eyes.
Edward: ... what the hell? Are you coming onto me? That's you, Clara, Mustang and my brother so far, and maybe Cornello too. I'm starting to feel paranoid about this!
Scar: Oh, come on, are you trying to say you don't buy into us as a couple?
Edward: Good thing I didn't fall on this wicked-looking blade when Al knocked me out of Scar's way. If I'd impaled myself, that would have been a disappointing end to the series.
Scar: Stay out of my way, only State Alchemists are my enemies.
Edward: Yeah, let's have a little explanation of that.
Scar: Sure thing! I hate State Alchemists because they transform natural objects and therefore blaspheme against God.
Alphonse: ... but all alchemists do that, not just State Alchemists.
Scar: Don't try to make me explain further, it's just an excuse anyway.
Alphonse: I can't just stand here and watch my brother die.
Scar: Why not, that's what I did. Wait, why am I telling you this?
Alphonse: It was in the script.
Scar: Hmm? My Arm o' Doom failed to take him apart!
Edward: Check your warranty, I bet it ran out.
Armstrong: Sorry I'm late, I got stuck in traffic. Has the fight already started? I'm the Strong Arm Alchemist, Alex Louis Armstrong. Get it? Armstrong? Strong Arm Alchemist? The Daisotou was pretty clever when he gave me this title, wasn't he?
Edward: I'm only happy to see you because I was about to die.
Armstrong: Between Scar and I, we're going to show you what overkill is, Edward.
Rose: At the beginning of an important fight is a great time to flash over to me and see what I'm up to!
Hakuro: We're here to liberate this city from Cornello! Death is very liberating.
Rose: Regurgitating what Edward told me in the second episode will surely convince you to leave us alone.
Edward: Liiiiight! Goooooo into the liiiiiiiight!
Marcoh: Good thing this town had an escape tunnel.
Edward: Here's your magic rock back. This proves that I'm a good person, you see, and not a walking chaos storm. Or someone who steals Mustang's eyeliner.
Military Snipers: PEACEKEEPERS! We're not snipers, we're peacekeepers! Nothing is more peaceful than a corpse, after all.
Rose: They hauled me out of the closet for one lousy line? No way, you had better give me more later in the episode!
Lust: Envy, we're back from Xenotime!
Envy!Cornello: And didn't even bring me a T-shirt.
Lust: *looking out the window* They don't know how to learn, no matter how many times they repeat the same mistakes ... STOP FIRING when everybody is dead! You're just wasting ammunition!
Envy!Cornello: Nobody is immune to cabbage-lines.
Lust: Oh, just put your own skin back on already.
Clay: What's going on here!? Where's the High Priest?
Gluttony: Can I eat him?
Clay: As a true follower of Cornello, I will do exactly as he did when confronted by Gluttony, and just stand here stupidly and await my doom.
*Opening credits*
*Title card : the Right Hand of Destruction*
Edward: Check it out, we've got a new opening sequence and a new song! Hey, my voice sounds funny ... oh, nevermind, that's an Envy voiceover.
Voiceover!Envy: Damned right, stay on your own side of the anime! Uppity little alchemists, think they're important just because the show is named after 'em ...
Lust: Let's start talking about Scar. He's going to become an important character in a couple of minutes, and the sooner the audience is up to speed, the sooner we can get to that.
*in the bar*
Mustang: I am NOT mentally linked with Envy.
Hughes: Yeah, yeah. Let's just finish catching the audience up. Nine State Alchemists have died to Scar so far. If we include the victims around them ...
Mustang: Let's not, nobody cares if the victim isn't an alchemist.
Hughes: Good point. Have some gruesome crime scene shots and exposition.
Mustang: Thousands of bunnies died to ensure that my eyeliner is perfect, so get a good shot of it.
Waitress: Phone call for you!
Hughes: Although I said earlier that my daughter just turned three, which matched Ed's age and the fact that they share a birthday, now I will say that she's about to turn three. Bad translation or bad writing, you decide.
Waitress: My vote is on bad translation. Now take your damned call so I can return to the closet in peace.
Hughes: They found a corpse at the train station. Looks like our killer isn't the mental midget we were hoping.
*in the countryside*
Random Guy: We have to use half our day to see a doctor in East City. Why this is supposed to be surprising is unclear, it always takes half a day to see a doctor, even if you live next door.
Random Old Woman: My mouth isn't moving.
Random Guy: In fact, we saved a lot of money by just not animating this sequence at all.
Edward: Look, we're being followed. Let's continue to look for Dr. Marcoh, though. There's no possible way they could be using us to find him, or anything like that.
Alphonse: It's a good thing that haystacks are hollow in this part of the country.
Armstrong: This is the Searching For Chibi Alchemists technique passed down through my family for generations!
*at Marcoh's place*
*shots are fired*
Edward: I guess banging on a deserter's door and yelling, "Open up, State Alchemist!" was a bad idea. Good thing I can still dodge bullets.
Marcoh: I'm not nervous, I just suffer from Parkinson's.
Edward: Obviously the thing to do with a guy who has just tried to kill me is get offended that he mistook Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist.
*commercial break*
Marcoh: Lemme recap how I ended up here. The military might still be after the data I stole.
Edward: Ya think?
Marcoh: My angst over Ishbal is still fresh. Therefore I cannot give you, who had zipola to do with Ishbal, any assistance. Punishing you for my angst is the only reasonable thing to do.
Rose: This isn't a blatant parallel or anything, cutting to me while Marcoh talks about Ishbal. It's really very subtle! Really!
Edward: I'm a State Alchemist! I have the right to see your research!
Marcoh: ... dude, I'm a deserter. What makes you think I still respect State Alchemist protocols? Let me take a poke at your height, nobody has done that yet this episode. At least not in your hearing.
Alphonse: And I'll bring up that girl in Xenotime. Maybe the sheer randomness of this will make Marcoh give away where he hid his Stone!
Marcoh: You did that without an array! My amazement over this will fade quickly, and I will never ask how you managed it.
Edward: Good, because I can't tell anybody how I do it until Episode 29, and if everybody kept asking me and being curious, that would be an issue.
Alphonse: Nii-san, it's rude to break into other people's caches of secret stuff! What if Dr. Marcoh broke into your cache of secret stuff, how would you like that?
Edward: I wouldn't mind, it's just a bunch of condoms and a copy of The Joy of Sex. This guy looks like he could use a good time.
Gran: Hi everybody! This is my last opportunity to be a bastard, so I'm going to make the most of it. Oh, and have some information about the Philosopher's Stone, and why it can be a magic liquid instead of a magic rock.
Marcoh: I'll draw attention to myself for no reason.
Gran: Hand over the Philosopher's Stone.
Marcoh: ... you're already holding it.
Edward: You mean I had the magic rock in my hand and I didn't know it? Dammit!
Gran: It's not really a magic rock, just a fake magic rock. I am in an exposition-y mood, though, so I'll tell you all about it. This is so you can get excited about it, which will allow me to kick the chair out from under you, MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I told you, I need to make you remember what a bastard I was.
Edward: Gran keeps taking shit away from me. That bastard! Although you might expect me to slide down the railing of these steps, I'm going to surprise you and not.
Scar: Thanks for stopping and not running me down.
Driver: No problem! By the way, what becomes of me and my companion in the front seat? Since Marcoh and Gran are the only people seen on the ground after the car is detonated.
Scar: Who cares what happens to you two non-alchemists? I recognize you, Iron Blood Alchemist.
Gran: Hah hah, I have a magic rock!
Scar: I FEAR NO MAGIC ROCKS! *blows up Gran*
Edward: Nooo, don't look at me!
Scar: It's okay if I do, for some reason I don't recognize you. Or maybe I just don't think you're important. This ex-State Alchemist on the ground is much more interesting. Checking him against my Terminator-esque roster, I recognize him as the Crystal Alchemist.
Marcoh: Edward-kun!
Scar: Oh, that's right, you're the Fullmetal Alchemist. I'm supposed to be obsessed with you!
Edward: Bastard! You told him my name, now he recognizes me too! Why couldn't you have called me "chibi-kun" or something?
Alphonse: Nii-san, this way!
Edward: Good thinking, Al. A thin stone wall will keep out a guy who can blow up cars and people's brains.
Scar: Not. However, I know that a rockfall will keep you from going any farther.
Edward: You're right, I'd rather fight you with a knife than reciprocate by dropping the ceiling on you. Even though I could.
Marcoh: Edward-kun! Just leave me here and run. Because obviously it's all about me, and he's not interested in you at all.
Scar: You have nice eyes.
Edward: ... what the hell? Are you coming onto me? That's you, Clara, Mustang and my brother so far, and maybe Cornello too. I'm starting to feel paranoid about this!
Scar: Oh, come on, are you trying to say you don't buy into us as a couple?
Edward: Good thing I didn't fall on this wicked-looking blade when Al knocked me out of Scar's way. If I'd impaled myself, that would have been a disappointing end to the series.
Scar: Stay out of my way, only State Alchemists are my enemies.
Edward: Yeah, let's have a little explanation of that.
Scar: Sure thing! I hate State Alchemists because they transform natural objects and therefore blaspheme against God.
Alphonse: ... but all alchemists do that, not just State Alchemists.
Scar: Don't try to make me explain further, it's just an excuse anyway.
Alphonse: I can't just stand here and watch my brother die.
Scar: Why not, that's what I did. Wait, why am I telling you this?
Alphonse: It was in the script.
Scar: Hmm? My Arm o' Doom failed to take him apart!
Edward: Check your warranty, I bet it ran out.
Armstrong: Sorry I'm late, I got stuck in traffic. Has the fight already started? I'm the Strong Arm Alchemist, Alex Louis Armstrong. Get it? Armstrong? Strong Arm Alchemist? The Daisotou was pretty clever when he gave me this title, wasn't he?
Edward: I'm only happy to see you because I was about to die.
Armstrong: Between Scar and I, we're going to show you what overkill is, Edward.
Rose: At the beginning of an important fight is a great time to flash over to me and see what I'm up to!
Hakuro: We're here to liberate this city from Cornello! Death is very liberating.
Rose: Regurgitating what Edward told me in the second episode will surely convince you to leave us alone.
Edward: Liiiiight! Goooooo into the liiiiiiiight!
Marcoh: Good thing this town had an escape tunnel.
Edward: Here's your magic rock back. This proves that I'm a good person, you see, and not a walking chaos storm. Or someone who steals Mustang's eyeliner.